I am a grandma, fostering my newborn granddaughter. Although the parents are being given time and resources to become adequate parents, at this time they are not utilizing the available resources. There is a high probability that long-term placement of the baby will be needed. As the grandma, I have a kinship preference, should I choose to adopt her. However, I’m concerned about being in my early fifties, and how this may impact family dynamics down the road. Looking for feedback, negative and positive, from anyone that’s been through this, whether as the provider or the child. I do have public resources available, am looking more for firsthand experience feedback. Thank you!
I wish my grandpa would had lived long enough to adopt me!!! Take this opportunity! Ur grand baby will be greatful u were there I promise. My mom chose drugs over me n my dad chose murder over me. If my grandpa would had been alive when everything went south, I know he woulda taken me in a heartbeat. But I was left alone to suffer n not even cps, which I called many times MYSELF did anything. And I had to heal from the trauma alone n grow up very young. Ur grand daughter is so blessed to have u! I promise age won’t matter to her . She’ll just be thankful you loved her enough to take her in and give her the best life you could
I have family in this situation. They didn’t adopt the poor kid went back and forth with the parents in horrible environments that had a really negative effect on her. Now she is older and back with the grandparents anyway. It is completely dependent on if you think you could handle it. If so I say go for it. At least you know for a hundred percent that she will be in a good home. As to the family dynamics later. They have given away any right to be concerned about anything. As long as you stick to your guns you should be ok. But definitely put serious thought and consideration into what is going to come. If it was me I’d take the opportunity to take her. Because I know down the road I’d regret it if I didn’t.
Kinda shocked youre asking this. I am my grandbabies VOICE and the parents know that. I have more than the best interest of my babies that cant speak or speak up. .
My grandfather adopted me when I was 12. He was in his late 60s at the time. It’s one of the things he was most proud of. That baby will be thankful you do you it when she gets old enough to understand. Be the blessing that lol girl needs
Although I Can not speak from your standpoint. I had 2 children in my 20s and now have 2 more. I’m 50 and the youngest are 11 and 13. I have found I have more patience and enjoy the little things. You have an amazing opportunity, I pray it goes whatever way is best for everyone
Im inmy mid fifties n i would step in in my child was not able.it is hard but could you live with a decision,not to its all up to you.pray you find the right answer
You will never regret adopting her. If she needs you, you should be there
If you do decide to do it i would have a willed agreement on who the child goes to if you were to ever pass away to prevent the parents from getting the child back.
I received my granddaughter when she was 6 maths old. I was 47. There’s good times and bad times. Never give up on them especially if your all she has. She’s 14 now and seeing her grow into herself as a teen is very interesting. Best of luck to you! You won’t regret it!
I have a former coworker that adopted his granddaughter and he’s never regretted it and he was in his late 60s. Being in your 50s is nothing! You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if your granddaughter was placed with someone else.
The alternative is likely foster homes and if you haven’t heard the horror stories that go along with them you should definitely research it. I can’t imagine letting anyone else take my grand kids.
My mother is in the same position as you she actually has custody of 3 of her grandkids from my sister. She is 50. It is frustrating and hard and may seem impossible sometimes but it is totally worth it to her!!! She couldn’t live with herself knowing her grandkids are out there in the world somewhere in foster care and she cant see them.
Personally I’d think she should be with family over someone different. Idk the situation but you are family and if they need to home her permanently somewhere she could go to some people you guys don’t know, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing because there are amazing people out there waiting to adopt but I think you get what I mean. It’s up to you if you want to take on that responsibility. You raised your kids and did all that already and it can be hard as you get older. It seems to me that ur saying the parents aren’t really trying to do much to get her back?? They might want to be in her life in the future and it would be easier with you having her than someone else (I’m not exactly sure) but if she were to be with a new family and they were taking care of her Do you know if it would be an open adoption? That they would be able to come into her life if they wanted to at some point??? I don’t know too much about this kind of stuff but those are just some things I would take into consideration. Good luck💗
Take this opportunity I was raised mostly by my grandparents and my brother was raised completely by our grandparents please if you can take this opportunity take it
If you have the energy go for it
Yes! Yes! Yes! I lived with my grandma when I was younger and went back with my dad when I was about 12 because my grandma had passed. But I would do anything to have her back. Especially when my mom was going through it. My grandma was there when no one else was
Do you there will be no regrets. That baby belongs within the family if possible
I am 44 and my husband is 57 we have a year old little boy. If you are able to, take that precious baby.
My grandma adopted both my cousins and raised them their whole lives. They were about 5 and 3 when she got custody of them. I don’t see anything wrong with grandparents raising grand babies.
As an educator point I will say what’s important is this child gets love and care . If parents cant provide this and grandma can then grandma should. Age means nothing. Without consistency and proper love this child is at risk for social and emotional trauma
You want to know you can do it. YES!! You can and it can be just great even if you totally are honest about your own child’s sickness when it comes about asking. I think that baby is blessed with the ability to be raised by its family and you don’t have to feel bad or be worried. Your a great mom. You have no idea. Hugs.
It’s not first hand experience, but I just want to say…if it ever came down to it as a kid, to either be put with strangers or family, I would want family any day of the week. Sure it may take time to adjust, but at least you’ll know in your heart the life she has been given.
U can do it bc my old friends they r raising their great grandsons ND. They r in their 70s
By the way love this comment section cuz what I’m being shown has nothing but love every other time I’ve seen people asking for advice I’ve seen people tripping out going all taking the opportunity to you know go off about their particular rant just want to say to the commenters you guys are awesome
Shit…im 42 with a 9,1 and nb…dont let age stop u
Not been in your exact situation but your Grandaughter needs you. She will spend her life wondering why you didn’t want her. She won’t care about age. You are family
Plus my old friend she’s raising her granddaughter so u can do it
Get temporary guardianship first. It could take a while to establish yourself as her adopted mom. This way, the child can be protected from neglectful parents just having the ability to come in and take her.
My grandmother adopted me when I was 9 years old, I was placed with her at 6 years old. She was also in her 50s when I came to live with her… it was the absolute best thing she has ever done for me. We have an incredible bond now & I don’t think either of us would trade it for the world.
If you are healthy this should not be a problem. If you have other younger relatives that can be a consistant part of the childs life as back up.
She will grow up knowing you!
I was making bad choices when my 1st son was born and he ended up in temporary foster care. I got him back a few years ago but learned that One of the foster families he was with was starving the children during the time my son was there. Foster care is not an option if the child has family. Adopt your granddaughter. There’s no telling what kind of family she’ll be placed with and if you could save her from the horrors of that you should. I wish I would’ve made better choices to keep my son with me at that time.
My great grandma looked after me up until she passed away when I was 11. I miss her everyday but I’m forever thankful for her taking me. She was like a mam to me. Just be there for your grand kids, it will be hard but so worth it. Love them like your own x
You will be joining a growing number of grandparents raising and adopting grandchildren. I am friends with a husband and wife who adopted two. One was an infant. What I see is their age experience and wisdom are all pluses.
Yes your life will change drastically. But your life could change drastically a million different ways and possibly in not so pleasant ways.
If u can do it definitely do it keep the baby with family my mom is in her 60 and raising her niece and nephew
This is not what any grandparent plans, especially if you had things you wanted to enjoy later in life once your own kids moved out. However I am a firm believer that someone put you in the position to love that baby because you were the right person. Follow your heart and you will be given the strength to do it
This hits close to home for me. My 17 mo was removed from me 2 years ago. I only wish I had a family member that could of taken her. During one of my weekly visits, I found a football size bruise on her back and butt. During the investigation, her foster sister let it slip that the mom hit her because she pooped in the tub. Foster homes are horrible, especially to those that don’t have a voice yet. By all means, please take that baby. There are so many resources out there to help you.
Do it, you won’t be sorry. The baby needs you !
I’m 53 and if ever my grandkids needed a home I’d take them in a heartbeat.
My grandfather came to live with my dad and I when I was 12. He died when I was 17 but in those 5 years he became my best friend, from a grandchild’s point of view I recommend you do it. You can be everything for that little girl, don’t let her grow up wondering why she wasn’t wanted by her family.
Keep the baby safe. The parents are adults and making their own choices. The baby needs you to do what is best for the child. No worries about family dynamics. The only thing that matters is are you in good health. Are you financially able. Are you in a stable place 8n your life to take on this responsibility. The answer is yes. From one grandma to another.
One question you ask yourself is if you can do it all over again and another is can you really let that baby go after bonding with her and loving her and her bonding with you and loving you if the answer to the first question is no then maybe you should back away now before to much time passes that because she’s probably growing an attachment to you already
My grandmother stepped in when my mother was deemed unfit and i was dirty and Malnourished with SCABIES… I would not be here if i had been left in that situation!
That baby will be thankful for you all of her life!
She needs you!
My husband was raised by his grandma and she was also about your age, she’s still fighting fit and he is forever grateful that she was in the position to get him out of the children’s homes his mother put him in. He has a everlasting love for his gran and calls her his mother because that is what she was. Please keep baby in the family you won’t be sorry. Love and respects goes out to you, you are amazing! Good luck!
Only a grandma can love a child like there mama. Keep her if needed. I have been there and done that .
My grandmother raised me and my 2 siblings when she was in her 50s and 60s and everything is ok now. My mom and dad wasnt fit to raise us and my grandmother took us all in until my 12th grade year when I moved back in with my mom.
Early 50s is that old if u think u can look after her and provide for her then do it she will be grateful when she is older that u took her on xx
If you are physically and emotionally (and probably financially wouldnt hurt either cause lord have mercy babies are exspensive lol ) capable of doing it then I say go for it. But be sure before you say yes… if you decide 6 months from now you dont want to or cant it will be so much harder on everyone involved when shes big enough to realize “mom” isnt there anymore. Its a HUGE responsibility but I commend you for stepping up. So many grandparents wont. I have fostered and have an adopted daughter myself I got kind of the same way and Id take 10 more if the situation arose but It is harder than people realize. Prayers for all involved that the right decisions are made
Depends on the relationship you have with your child. And the reason why.
I would do it in a heart beat! If you know that you’re capable of giving her the love and support that she needs don’t think twice! Family is everything. When my dad abandoned us my grandpa used to cry with me. Grandparents are everything.
My grandmother raised me, I was placed in her care at 1yr and she was in her late 50’s
Without a doubt my grandma saved my life and I will be forever grateful for all the sacrifices she made in order to provide for me.
My grandparents were in their early 60s whenever they started raising my cousin.
Id say go for it but before you do id try to help her parents make the right choices. As a woman that became a mother at 19 i struggled alot with parenting and sunk into a depression. I never lost custody but it was really hard on me and im so thankful my mother helped me out a lot. As a 30 year old nother expecting my 4th child any day i find it so much easier to parent by myself as i have alot of experience now. I wouldnt adopt until the parents have absolutly no rights left. That may drive a wedge between all of you the child included. By all means keep her out of the system but try, with your experience, to help the parents first.
I think its definitely a tough decision to make, and I commend you for even considering it. If you do decide to do this, just know that a new amazing world will be reopened to you, and you get the best gift ever; to love and care for that baby girl. Would it be an open adoption situation? Like the parents could still be involved, and possibly ask for her back in later years? I think there’s a lot of “what ifs” that you need to consider first. Good luck and wish you all the best, I hope we get to hear an update soon
My grandmother is on her 3rd generation of children. She is in her 70’s.
As a grandma that has raised a granddaughter from birth she turned 19 last week, it’s not easy but it is really worth it knowing they are loved and safe.
This time…… do what best for that poor bby
I dated a guy once who was adopted by his grandparents. Only advise I have for you is to be honest with her. Don’t raise her that her mom is her sister. My ex learned this around 11yo & it really messed him up emotionally.
I don’t have personal experience but I know without a Doubt that if either of my grandchildren needed me I would not think twice and I am 66 .
So my bestfriends mom (who’s been like my second mom) was adopted an raised by her grandparents I rember them fondly an how even tho they were both older in years when they took on the responsibilities of raising there granddaughter they did an amazing job an there granddaughter (technically great granddaughter) my best friend and myself would spend weekends over there age mean something yes but if you are in good health an you have a stable home for her then I say go dont stop them from seeing her but make it abundantly clear that if they wish to try an creat a toxic environment around the child then things will need to change but if they dont fight an are willing to be civil then allow them.to be part but ultimately it needs to be the child first in everyone’s mind an if it’s better for u to have custody an adopted her then that’s what needs to be for her
When my daughter got in to drugs, I ended up with the kids…she is now 5 years clean and doing all she needs to do, 2 kids are living with her , 1 still with me and 1 with his dad…I have a close relationship with her, but the kids always have to come first…do it grandma…God will give you strength and friends/ family will help as much as they can…I am so close to those kiddos
We just went through this as well and decided to either find a home that’s perfect for him or adopt. We had the say in the sense of family and/or friends who could and if they were the right fit. The day we decided that we are what’s best him was the same day we thought of friends who have tried for kids for ten years but we’re never blessed with any. It is a match made in heaven, we love him to the end of the earth and only wanted the best for him if that was us or someone else. They were and are everything you could ever want as parents and we are beyond happy for him. Every family is different and those judging you because you wonder if you’re what’s best for him can shove it, this is your life and what’s best for her future. We still see, connect, love and so spoil him as our grandson and he gets there first time parents excitement and being the miracle a family never thought possible. Do what right for both of you, it’s not easy, there’s a lot of tears in the decision process but only you know what’s best for both of you. My heart goes out to you having to go through this process/choice and I hope you have a great support system and hopefully professional help for the mental and emotional toll it takes.
Hugs. I’ve watched an older set of friends of mine do this for their daughter and son in law…who are my age . (27) it’s definitely not easy…but the little girl is in a safe environment while her parents are pissing their lives away.
I would do it in a heartbeat. We have even looked into adoption for a babygirl. But all in all you need to think about if you are able to do it or not. It’s a tough decision but well worth it in the end. Regardless if you do it or not you are putting her needs before your own. Which what makes a great parent
My mother is 55 with 2. Six and six months old. You can do it. I don’t know the situation but from seeing it first-hand with my nephews, the parent/parents do not take responsibility for the child. Lot of times they say you took their child or keep them away from the child but only to try to make it seem like they care and are not at fault. It is all for show. Thank you for stepping up. prayers.
Do you have a spouse at home? My parents adopted two of my nieces, one when they were in their forties and the second in their fifties. The second one my dad said we can’t do this, we are tired and getting old, etc. my mom pushed him for it. My dad has now been raising her on his own for 5 years as my mom passed away. It’s hard on him. He wouldn’t trade her for the world and that’s his girl 110%, but the road has not been easy and he is exhausted. If it makes any difference, he’s raised 5 girls, so maybe he’s more exhausted because of that he can’t travel like he should be able to now without any worries besides where he is going, he’s not actually living the “retired life” as he deserves. But he would never go back now and do anything different. I’ve been able to be extra close to my nieces because they are more like sisters and I’m thankful for that. Here’s something to think about…the youngest niece was supposed to be adopted by a family that was there for the birth. Had that happened and I didn’t know her, I’d be missing a huge chunk of my life and heart.
My (step) dad was 56 when my brother was born and when my brother was 6 our parents separated and they (parents) let my brother decide who he wanted to live with, I am 11 years older than my brother) He chose his dad. Dad never had any problems raising my brother.
My grand parents raised me until I was 13. It was the best thing that could have ever happened for me. They were in their 60s and they were amazing parents.
My hubby is 48 and just had his first kid age doesnt limit u my kids were taken my older ones and adopted by my step parents I now have them back but I’m sure it wasn’t easy on them
My dad and step mom are in their 50s and they have adopted 7 of their grandchildren (my step sister’s 5 children and my step brother’s 2). It is hard, but they are happy.
I was close to turning 52 when I adopted my granddaughter…she was 5 but had been with me for a few years. When the goal changes to adoption I don’t believe your given the choice to adopt or not. They will find someone else I believe . If you have specific questions i can try to help. I am in MA so i don’t know about how the laws differ or not.
Absolutely go for it
Would you want someone else to raise her ??? I would adopt my grandchild in a heartbeat no matter how old I am
100% agree if thats what you want to do then do it age is just a number and she will grow and be in a safe environment, people still have children into their late 40s these days 50 is nothing. What abeautiful gift to have a precious grandma willing to do that your amazing all the best x
My Aunt and Uncle adopted my little cousin and they would do it again. My Uncle is 76 and my little cousin is just turning 19.
I haven’t adopted my grandsons bit have had them 9and a half years i was nearly 58 nut dont regret having them i say adopt your granddaughter she is a gift to any grandmother and age is irrelevant when it comes to family
I’m in my 50’s I would take my grandkids no question I would never let them go in foster care,I know it would be hard at times but this world not nice…good luck
Due to personal bias I would say stick with kinship. However, my personal experience being the mother losing the child should be taken into account. I worked my butt off and still didn’t get her back. But, my case is not you’re case and if adoption would be best for baby then follow through with that. I know a lot of people raised by their grandparents and it doesnt seem to change anything much.
A coworker of mine adopted her 2 grandkids. Her daughter (grand daughter) is thankful every day she adopted them. And they call her mom. Both their parents couldn’t get over the alcohol addiction. She saved those kids a lot of trouble and heartache.
Please do adopt the baby if you’re able to provide love! You never know what could happen if you dont!
Please adopt your babies. If they go into Foster care, there’s a chance they will be separated and won’t ses each other again. Keep them together so they can grow up and be together. Besides having you they are all they have of each other. It’s sad that their parents are loosing out on these special moments with them. Loving, caring and being together especially sith every thing going on.
My grandparent took guardianship of my brother and I when I was 9. It saved my life. If you are able to do the same for your granddaughter you should! Life is really scary for neglected children.
I am on a waiting list for adoption and I’m 45.
I have had my grandson for 14 years. I’m 72, I would have it no other way.
I was 54 when granddaughter was born. We got custody of her when she was 6 monthd we did not adapt her until later wanted to see if her parents would straight up. They did not. So we proudly adapted her never regreted a minute of it. My wife passed away in 2012 she was 10 years old. I have raised her by my self since, we always was active in school. Her third grade teacher told me she always volunteeres me for every thing. In the fifth grade she told me they did not have a room mother and she volunteered me. It made me very proud.
She starts college this fall. We have both enjoyed every minute together. At 73 she is what keeps me going.
If you can’t provide or take care of the child, don’t take the child in and see if there’s any other trusting family member willing. However, since you’re already fostering I would assume you can provide and care for the child. My question is why wouldn’t you? I understand children aren’t the responsibility of anyone besides the parents. However, obviously there’s a reason the parents aren’t caring for their baby. If you can, are able to, and can provide for your grandchild, why wouldn’t you? It will be hard but can you wonder where your grandchild is if she was fostered out to another family? Maybe that family wouldn’t be as loving. Maybe that family eventually wouldn’t let you or your child see the baby.
Honestly though, it is your choice and me saying those things isn’t trying to judge you if you can’t take the baby forever. I have a co worker who has raised almost all of her grandchildren, and one got taken from the parents before the grandparents could make it (they lived in a different state) and the grandchild was adopted to another family that sends letters every once in a while, but won’t allow any type of visiting. She thinks about this particular grandchild a lot and she’s in her 60’s and is still raising one grandchild (he’s about 12 now I think). Knowing how she feels and the way she talks about things is why I said what I did. She wishes she could’ve made it in time to pick up her grandchild every day.
Grandbaby needs you. I would adopt mine
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Fuck the family dynamics. She has shit parents and a good grandfather. Early 50s is young my friend. When she is married with babies you will still be alive. Adopt her. Don’t wait for the people who made her to get their act together .
I am a Grandma who adopted 2 of my grand daughters. I was 55 years old. They were 18 months and 3 years old. Yes we had some rough times. But now one is 17 years and the other is 19 years old. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Age has nothing to do with it. If you are mentally prepared and physically able, your grandchild would be better off with you than with strangers. You will be able to provide history of family, and as that child becomes an adolescent and an adult this will be important. And you can also explain why you are raising him/her and they can still get to know their parent.
Dont let her go. You’ll regret it.
I hear alot of positive feedback on having your grandchildren. Helps keep the mind sharper helps with depression helps you stay more mobile etc. I would keep mine in a heartbeat and I’m 59 yrs young. They will thrive with you verse’s stranger’s. Will there be adjustments and hardships yes but that is life anyway with or without children. I hope you find the answers you are searching for. God bless you.
I had an aunt adopt her grandchild. Although she was older and maybe couldn’t keep up with all of the energy in her toddler years it was the best thing she ever did. Kids need love attention and someone stable & able to provide. If you feel physical able to adopt that baby. Best of luck love
It’s your grandchild. C’mon. It’s a no brainer. Could you live with yourself if she was adopted and you never saw her again? It’s not ideal and at your age, you should be thinking about retirement and spoiling your grandchildren for a long weekend, not starting the parenting race all over again. But, this little person is part of your family.
My grandma adopted me and my 2 bros. Within mths my grandp died. She raised 3 little ones herself. Family helped her when she was working 2 jobs. My great grandmother babysat . I couldn’t ask for more love then she gave. It’s almost 3 yrs since i lost her. She was my best friend. I miss her so
Absolutely, my grandmother changed my life when she got custody of me:two_hearts: I owe everything to her!
Do it you will know where she is and safe
Better you than a stranger