I’m a home care provider for an elderly lady (82) with early stages of dementia. About a week ago her first cousin and also her power of attorney (POA) called and asked if I would take Diana to the bank and have her open another bank account so the cousin could closed the other accounts she has out of state. Diana has a total of 4 bank accounts, 2 local, and 2 out of state. The issue is: when we open the new account she wants me to put her (the cousin) and her sister (the other cousin) on the account with Diana. The money accumulates to half a million dollars. I let the other care taker know what’s going on and she called Diana’s best friend and son to which they all have called me begging not to let this happen and explained the cousin took POA illegal with no legal documentation proving she needed or could be POA. Also Diana and cousin were never close and once Diana became sick the cousin took over all her assets. She lives several states away, but was accused once before of being after her money and wanting to put her in a home to collect the rest. Feeling lost and needing help I asked a friend who is also an adult social worker and she advised me to call adult protective services because what the cousin is doing is Illegal. APS told me to revoke POA, put a flag on her accounts and talk to a lawyer. Everyone in her circle says we need to do this!! The problem is: none of them want to do it themselves, and none of them want to be power of attorney once it’s revoked. I want to help Diana because she is my friend, I love her, and someone needs to protect her, but it’s not my place to revoke POA and take over… it seems like everyone wants a piece of her money when she dies even while she’s alive, but doesn’t want to help her when she’s in need. Diana also wants to change her will and have everyone removed (cousin only gets 10k in the will but is after the full amount) including remove her from all banking… yet she does have dementia and shouldn’t be making huge decisions on her own….I should also say the son was adopted as a baby and only known Diana for 30 years. He is also in the will but to to inherit everything. If the cousin doesn’t move the money he will inherit her funds because he’s next of Kin. But then the cousin will inherit everything and in the will she’s not supposed to. And that’s what she’s trying to do. The son does not want POA because he lives states away, and they’re not that close.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I need advice about this tough situation
Can the son get POA?
Son NEEDS POA. You’re simply a caretaker, this is a family matter
You call your administration on aging one of those organizations and have them step in for your girls protection.
They can give her an advocate because the son and so forth they should be going to court to prove that she out can’t do it. In which case she would then get a court-appointed Advocate, different from a lawyer
I would not do it sound sxlike something sneaky and selfish because the son is next of kin can you not get him to write something and have you take care of it even record her saying what she wants in her own words and take it to a lawyer
Legal action needs to be taken now, while she still has her right mind to say what she wants. Dementia patients minds can go down very quickly. If she wants you to help her I would say do your best. I think she should be able to get a social worker to help
Sounds like the cousin is trying to get you to do illegal stuff. It goes against her will there is no way I would do it. Tell the cousin you are uncomfortable with it. Not to mention if she has dementia she is not allowed to make legal decisions. There are laws in place for this exact reason. Said cousin is trying to use the dementia to their advantage. Just tell the cousin you ‘are uncomfortable with that’.
I think u can have a third party be poa
APS is the only way to go with this. They are experienced and trained in what to look out for and how to handle these situations.
Time to get legal help. This is wrong. There stealing funds from her without her understanding any of this.
Definitely call adult protection services. Here in England I called safeguarding about a neighbour with Dementia and they came out the same day.
The son gets it period.
Maybe one can be hired?
You can’t do that… you have no legal rights concerning that lady’s financial situation… ! I would not do it…DON’T DO IT !
Honestly if it was me, I would get temporary POA just to keep the cousins from stealing her money. And maybe you could talk to someone either in the family not the cousins or a close friend and see if they would be willing. I understand you don’t want to get involved but you maybe the only person she can trust and you don’t have to be full time POA. But it sounds like everyone is out just to get her money which means if they are on her accounts they can take it whenever they want. You not being part of the family seems like you have her best interests and welfare in mind.
AS A CARETAKER, DONT EVER MIX FINANCIALS. The dpoa needs to handle all of that, not you. Actually, the bank probably won’t allow this without proper paperwork and the DPOA person doing it. DONT MIX THIS. You can get in trouble. It’s called exploitation.
You need to tell the son to notify her banks. Someone needs legal power of attorney,what is APS
They will appoint her a state POA if no one in the family wants it and you have every right as a caregiver you are a mandated reporter and this falls under those lines
Can a public trustee be put in place?
Call a pro-bono family lawyer and get legal advice…
You need to take over POA, or this lady is gonna lose everything. You do not need to be blood related to be a POA, you just need to care, and it sounds like you do. PLEASE help this lady and do the right thing!
You need to go to lawyers and need to sign papers To be POA￼
The son is your clients son or someone else’s?? Either way… you said he doesn’t want POA… honestly if you care about this woman and your already her caretaker… I think you should be her POA because you are already caring for her and making decisions for her with your better judgement… maybe that is what that lady needs is someone like you who isn’t just after all of her assets… sometimes family isn’t best after all… maybe you are her angel in disguise… I hope everything works out for the best with this situation… but I truly think you should at least consider it… even if you aren’t blood… if she is willing to have you be her POA… what could it hurt? You are already taking care of her anyway… none of them are doing anything for her?! At least think about it.
TheState can appointment a conservator over her and her money . Call elderly abuse and explain the entire situation including what they are trying to get you to do . The State will step in . It had to be done here with someone I new . Good luck and do not listen to any of her relatives.
Get legal help talk to a lawyer and if you have one a supervisor I also don’t think u can be her poa as it’s a conflict of interest I’m a psw here in Canada
You cannot revoke the POA. Hot line it to State. This is a hot mess right here.
Tell the POA she needs to handle the bank accounts as she has the legal authority to do that. As the caretaker I would just continue to be the caretaker and not get involved in the family drama. They can all fight over the will and inheritance when she is gone. She can’t take the money with her so let them hash it out when the time comes. She is also not in the right mind to be handling these decisions hence the POA. If the cousin is taking advantage that’s on her and karma will deal with her. Right now your friend just needs a loving caregiver to see her through her final days.
Contact an attorney on her behalf. He will do the rest.
Well adopted or not he is still her son and shouldn’t he have a say in that stuff not a cousin?
The son has to be the POA …end of story. He can do online banking no matter where he lives.
As far as her making huge decisions, I would maybe contact her doctor that diagnosed her with dementia and see if he/she thinks it’s okay for her to make whatever decisions she is wanting to or if her condition is too far to do that and then go from there. But it’s clear the cousin just wants her money and it seems like she knows it too
Speaking from personal experience, her son and best friend and those that have her best interest at heart need to contact an attorney. They have attorneys for this exact thing.
Need to get her an attorney and have her wishes known. Write the will in front of attorney so you have a witness. Have attorney revoke POA and find a notary or an attorney who will be the POA and get her assets organized so the cousin cannot touch her assets. Do it in court legally with the attorney. I work in group home settings and this is the way to do it.
I would think that if she had already been diagnosed with dementia, any changes to her bank account should not legally stick? Her son would automatically get everything, except what she has gifted in her will, right?
My uncle did this to my grandmother and now its a huge mess. If you care about her then have her family hire an attorney
There are companies that can help with this contact council of aging and try and obtain some information or even an attorney. Thank you for trying to help this lady, it’s disgusting how “family” get once some one start ailing.
You should because you are the only one caring about her health and wellbeing
Don’t do it. Report to elder law
Call adult protective services. Get an evaluation to show she is mentally competent enough to state her wishes now, revoke POA etc. If not, you’ll need a lawyer.
I would take temp poa for her so they can’t get nothing from her… this is awful that they all want her money but no one wants to take care of her. I would not do anything they asked me to and would not let them put me in that position
Call adult protective service they will sort it out it honestly sounds like what they want you to do isn’t legal and I wouldn’t take art
I would contact adult protection services and they can deal with all that.
In some states there are laws against this
She can have an attorney as her POA and while lucid with doctor permission decide any changes
Don’t do it!!! Contact lawyer ASAP before they take everything she has
I would tell them it is not your place and they need to contact her son.
So not get involved with this mess!!I know ur her voice, but there has to be someone legally u could talk to about it!
Don’t do it report it right away. It wrong!
You do it. You might not think it’s your place but you’re the only one to help her and are there for her daily. Help her arrange to change her will. She’s in early stages, She can make decisions still. Specially about who gets what when someone is trying to take it all because they know her condition will get worse and she will forget.
Call adult protective services. Do not put them on anything
Get an attorney that represents her and her well fare
Don’t do anything. It’s her son’s place to do all this
If you suspect financial abuse call the elder abuse hotline and report it.
I would contact the authorities for elder abuse on behalf of Diana and explain the situation. I would NOT do anything with taking her anywhere and changing anything.
Umm. No offense, but her SON needs to come deal with all that. Way out of your job description to deal with that.
Call APS - let them handle the situation - a lawyer can be appointed her Guardian/POA
Do Not Do This call APS adult protective services it is imperative you do that ASAP…
Don’t do that bank thing ! Go with your gut. She needs to revise her will Asap …amd needs your help. Whether she and her son are close or not its still his place to do this. I don’t have any other advice bc I don’t know how it all works but it just seems incredibly wrong to me . shame on that money hungry cousin but doesn’t want to help to take care of her while shes still on earth. Anticipating a person’s death to get their money is just such a horrible thing and shes a horrible person.
It’s the son’s responsibility not yours. He’s the next of KIN, adopted or not she chose him to be her son.
Why are you asking For unqualified advice protect yourself don’t do anything without a lawyer!!!
Revoke it!!! Do not put this woman on that bank account put her son! He might not want to do it but to protect her and her assets someone even if you, needs to be her temporary POA. Please do not allow this woman to fire you before this can happen.
Call the social services and have them look into everything definitely
If you are her friend call Adult protective services and follow their advice
My question is what bank let’s you put names on accounts with them not being there or providing proof
It sounds like everything you were told definitely needs to be done, BUT you need to make sure YOU are protected. If none of her family want to be involved, maybe they should all sign some kind of form relinquishing their rights and giving you the authority to proceed. Maybe talk to Active Aging or a lawyer. Someone who can give you legal advice without charging a huge fee. Someone who will have your back while protecting Diane.
Do not do anything with her accounts. I suggest u guide her to hire an attorney. The cousin is trying to steal what should go to her son right out from under him. Bring this to the attention of an attorney right away. If you are already her caregiver she can appoint you POA and revise her will for her money to go where she wants it to go
Please please call Adult Protective Services!!
Don’t do anything with the accounts. Get a good trust and probate attorney. They will be able to take care of things from there
Don’t let that cousin take this precious ladies money it’s our job as caretakers to protect them!
If you love her this should be easy! Revoke the poa and take it yourself and watch who comes around and for what purposes… when she passes devide it accordingly, maybe donate to charities
I would call protective services. I believe the son should have the power of attorney
Please listen to advice here. This is beyond your legal expertise or control. All you can do is adult protective services and ask them to get involved.
She needs a separate POA that isn’t family. Money should be put in an irrevocable trust, to which the son has access to a percentage each year. Any other assets should be put in as well.
Definitely get a lawyer and do it now while she is in the early stages of dementia. If you wait the cousin could use that she is not mentally able to make these decisions and it could become too late. If she is in her early stages she still is capable of making life decisions.
Call APS. If there is no POA of financial then no one can do anything with her money. It depends on how the POA is written. You need to protected yourself or this could come back on you.
Get an attorney ASAP
Talk to an attorney! I work for an elder law attorney and laws vary by state, so I can’t say exactly how this should be handled but definitely get an attorney involved so that you can go about this legally and they will advise what is best to do for her.
She should live closer to son, so he can make these decisions and take care of her.He getting all her money when she is gone.
This truly is a difficult problem and I’m glad that you’re looking out after your friend, steps need to be taken to remove the cousin immediately! My mother to had dementia as well, she has since passed away in December. I’m sorry that the sun doesn’t wish to have POA because I think he should￼￼ but to me it seems like you’re the only one looking out for her well-being and therefore she should make you POA as long as your intentions are honorable? I haven’t met this cousin but it sounds like she is a horrible person and doesn’t deserve anything, especially since she helps out in no way at all! Hopefully your friend is coherent enough to make these important decisions? And there is a help group for caregivers called The purple Serpa Basecamp(hey caregivers support group) that you may or may not be interested in joining as there is a lot of information that you can derive from. I hope this helps and good luck￼￼￼￼￼￼
Get an attorney fast
Tell the child to set up the account. That you are not comfortable with doing it… and I wouldn’t do it.
Things need to be don’t but it’s her family that should be doing them. You could try to report elder abuse and let them handle it. But honestly everyone wants her money but no one cares much about her. Who would get it? The cousin isn’t close and the son doesn’t get along. If the cousin really got POA illegally they could fight it if they cared to try.
Just go ahead and take over, you are protecting her & her estate. She would want you to do the right thing. After that, perhaps get a private care Medical Assistant that you screen & hire. She can afford the help. Make sure all books are correct & show all you do, and monthly, send a copy to the son. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, go ahead and hire a private (not a huge company) certified public accountant to do, and they show the books once a month to you and the son. Do not authorize them to move any money or speak to the cousin.
I would seek legal advice before doing anything like that. I would also speak to your client when she’s competent and record the conversation
I’m POA for my aunt . It had to be drawn up by a solicitor and cost around £500 ( 10 years ago ) my aunts Bank needed the paperwork in order to add me to her account and manage her money . A separate set of documents are needed for medical decisions. It sounds like the cousin doesn’t have the legal paperwork to manage your friends money . Speak to the bank and ask for a copy of the cousins POA.They will have a photocopy in their records x
This is heartbreaking
I believe someone can be hired to be POA
#1 as a caretaker WE SHOULD NOT !!! Be handling financial matters for the client PERIODT!! Cus them people will put all the blame on you and you lose your job #2 PEOPLE WATCHIN I wouldn’t of put this lady information on blast like that you need to be careful #3 You need to report to whoever the clients case manager is about possible abuse or anything that will harm the client. Let your job know what’s going on and they will get the proper solution going with the clients rightful POA etc. Don’t get yourself in them people business I would hate to see you post later that you lost your job. Cook, clean, run errands, remind for meds and personal care . Do not get entangled in they finances
I believe a POA has no power until she is declared totally incompetent by her Dr. That is why the cousin is trying to get you to do things that you should not do and could end up being taken to court for doing…talk to someone from Adult Protective Services before you end up in Court!
Don’t do anything with the bank, my friends grandmother got sentenced to prison for this , even though 10 years ago she signed that if she died everything would go to the friends grandmother. The state still charged her with trying to steal the money.
It sounds like YOU should be her POA as you are the only one who actually gives a shot about her. This whole post screams love and compassion. Family doesn’t mean shit in these situations if they don’t actually love her. You love her.
Go to the courts and have them appoint her one.
Something strange going on I’d get legal advice on this
Definitely call adult protective services! Something needs to be done! The cousin should NOT be POA and it definitely needs to be revoked!
Whether it’s your place or not, you should do whatever you have to do to protect this lady. Consult an attorney like you were advised to do and get adult protective services involved now.
leaving it to her child she put up for adoption is her way of taking care of him and apologizing
Your state should have a Ombudsman Representative for Dementia and Alzheimer’s patients. Look them up. They are for the patient. Not the families!
Go to the court and hire an advocate for her! An attorney ad litem and they will do what’s right for her best interest!!! Yes, do not get involved in her finances! Son adopted or not close or not, that’s what it says it’s not for you to decide
Definitely revoke the POA and get legal counsel.