I need advice regarding sleep struggles with my 4 year old

Motherhood
1
Background we have 3 under 4 in a 2 bedroom house. We have bunks in one room, a toddler bed and bassinet in our room. The 4 and 2 year old share the room with bunks. I have zero issues getting our two year old down. She will fall asleep wherever we place them. But the four year old fights it every night. She sneaks, screams, hides, cries at the top of her lungs, slams doors, threatens to wake the baby or the two year old, it’s an endless battle and my husband and I are struggling to keep our patience and not yell or result to spanking (which doesn’t work anyways) last night was so bad she battled til almost midnight. We really do know what to do. We have a great routine that is the same every night dinner, bath, brush teeth, books, then daddy snuggles for sometimes up to a half hour. We are so tired and at a loss. We never have any other real struggles except bedtime. We really do not want to result to melatonin or other sleep meds. Advice?
2

For what ever reason, your 4 yo is in panic mode. If I were in your shoes, I’d allow her to sleep in your bed (which is what I did). I have three babies (now adults), and I had to accept that each one came with different needs (either that or go insane). To give each one the sense of importance, I had to pick and choose my battles based on their individual personalities. You and your husband need to discuss (and agree on) my suggestion so neither one of you become resentful.

Eventually, she’ll feel more secure and before you know it, she’ll be in her own bed. I know the old adage, “in the blink of an eye, your baby will be all grown up”, seems so very far away; but trust me, it is true. The child I had the same problem with is now 27. She is a very secure and independent adult.

Best of luck to both of you.

3

This is a discipline issue. You need to have a routine that you do every day and make it clear when bath/tv time/books/drink and kisses are done… that is it! Anything after will be punishment… if you are not sleepy you need to lay quietly until you go to sleep. Punishment will consist of things taken away during the day. And earlier bed time and for me I would spank. Especially saying she is gonna wake other children that is just ugly and malicious and she knows it or wouldn’t say.
That being said make sure she is getting exercise during the day. If napping maybe make sure earlier or cut it out all together she may be ready. Also make the bedtime routine special and for her only. Maybe husband can do something special with the 2 year old … she may want extra attention so find ways to give it to her. At the same time don’t reward the bad behavior… she may have to wake the others a few days to get her in line.
Parenting is hard… especially when you are out numbered… and some kids are more needy then others. Good luck it is hard to be a mom!