I recently got engaged and found him snapchatting another girl: Advice?

That seems like an innocent compliment maybe you need to have a chat with him and then tell him how you feel and go from there

Leave now, itll only get worse. Hate to be that way but you will never be able totally trust him again

I feel like if you felt like you had to snoop then maybe that trust isn’t there. No trust, no relationship.

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If it was platonic he would have told you. You do what’s right for you. He’s showing you he is not a one woman man. He is showing you that he is secretive and dishonest

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Well that depends on the rest of the context :woman_shrugging:

Nope. Hes not ready.

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It seems to me u have trust issue. Going thru ur mates phone always ends bad. Just chill out calm down n talk but frfr u should :walking_man: away. Trust is a thing u must have in a relationship

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If you feel like you HAVE to SNOOP… ya might not need to be with that person. Plus, when you meddle… Your feelings might get hurt. Ijs

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is he friends with her? or was he flirtting with her? is that the only conversation that took place? Talk to him about it

I used to be against snooping in men’s phones. I never did it until I was with my recent ex and he messaged his friend who apparently they use to play in a band together, he put his friends name in his phone as “Clouded Leopard” because that was the name they apparently agreed on. I didn’t think anything of it, he told me his friend was a male, which he had female friends when we were together and I didn’t care. But then one morning we were asleep and his phone kept going off, so I checked it to see what’s up and this Clouded Leopard kept messaging him asking where he went and whatnot, and it was as if the other person missed him (my ex), so I got on his phone and said “hey this is (insert name) girlfriend, he’s sleeping at the moment” and the person messaged back saying “he has a girlfriend? I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” Which was an instant lightbulb went on my head and was like, this is a girl. So I asked if I could call her and she seemed very apologetic and confused and hurt. Turned out, he went and actually met up with the girl and had lunch and she has no idea he’s taken.

Except I stayed with him. I loved him so much I stayed with him… our relationship didn’t last, but our relationship was never the same. We weren’t intimate anymore, we hardly said “I love you” to each other, and I started noticing myself changing. Not feeling good enough, not loving myself anymore, crying a lot more than I ever had, checking his phone ALL THE TIME.

My relationship now has been 2 years and I’m still not healed from that relationship… Point is…get out while you can…because you don’t want it to destroy you like I’ve been destroyed. :orange_heart:

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Don’t do it!!! You deserve better so go find it!

Save money and heartache … bye bye is all I would say

Nope. Don’t do it sis

You answered your own question without realizing it.

Why do men think we need their approval on our hair length?! Smfh. Leave his dumb ass

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Whatever made you feel like snooping in the first place is just as valid as what you found. Trust the instinct that drove you check his phone, the proof is just validation.

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Have a discussion, set boundaries. Don’t call it off, but communicate

If you need to snoop in his phone then you are not ready

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Can you just talk to him? Mentioning that he likes her hair long is pretty benign and hardly cheating. My recommendation is therapy to work on your insecurities. Good luck dear.

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Run girl while you can!!!

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Mmm.mmm trust and faith, has gotten me 35 years of wedded bliss.

Personally I’d say no. If you have a feeling to go thru his phone their is typically event just a subconscious reason why you’d think that and if he is doin it now chances are it may progress once your married cuz we’ll he will be cocky about it that he got away with it to his knowledge

I found out after 9 years yrs my husband’s “innocent” text was actually a 5yr affair

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Leave him or get use to it cause it’ll never stop :white_heart:

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I would trust your gut instinct!

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First thing is if you snooped in his phone you don’t trust him and regardless of what you did find or even if you didn’t find anything…the fact that you felt the need to go through his phone means you’re not ready to get married. Not saying you should break up but going into a marriage without 100% trust in the other person isn’t the best idea.

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Speaking as someone who did stupidly get married having seen these sorts of things… I’m now finally solo but the toxic turns my relationship took because it was one side devotion well my advice…go the other way as fast as possible that will be your happy ending not the alter x

If you feel the need to snoop on his phone, there’s a lack of trust for one reason or another. I’d cancel the engagement if it were me.

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Breaking up is cheaper than a divorce. I certainly wouldn’t be in a hurry to sashay down any aisle.

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Definitely hold off on wedding for sure. Talk to him and let him know why and see how he reacts. Seems like you were already having suspicions and didnt fully trust him. Having trust issues will not go well in a marriage. Been there myself. You would make yourself miserable.

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Move on …you will never trust him again …so you can never have a proper relationship

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That’s a red flag. Never ignore them!

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Say bye. Its not right

If you need to even look at his phone and can’t trust him…then marriage probably isn’t the answer

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You’re right! Not marriage, not even a relationship with that man

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Ok so since you snooped on his phone lmaooooo. Did you find any other incriminating evidence? Were they talking on multiple occasions because it’s easy to scroll up on Snapchat to see if they’ve talked before. But anyway you’re acting like he told her to get naked. He said don’t cut your hair. That’s not incriminating enough for me unless there are multiple chicks he’s talking too. Obviously there’s no trust since you have to go through his phone. But you said yes to an engagement! Y’all i cannot​:roll_eyes::grimacing::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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In most cases they always start small and innocent messages… but get more involved as they go :pensive:

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Go with your intuition. If it’s led you to ask, you already have the answer to your own question. The smartest thing would be to call off the engagement and tell him to go be with the chick on Snapchat :tipping_hand_woman:t2:. Save yourself the wasted time and bullshit. :triangular_flag_on_post: all over this.

Don’t EVER marry a man that you can’t trust.

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My exes dad once told me if you go looking you’re going to find something. I believe relationships when they are real, you shouldn’t be able to find something. But you also shouldn’t feel the need to snoop. You know it isn’t right, save yourself the heartbreak and leave. It will happen again. I found a man that tells me to go through his phone but I don’t even feel the need and if I ever do, I will just leave. You deserve better.

Definitely talk to him maybe. I would hold off obviously on planning the wedding. Get the facts if you can Bd definitely pump the brakes a tad. Not saying you have to break it off immediately but you def want to have a conversation. Clearly there is already trust issues with that said. Better to get find out everything and talk now as opposed to when already committed

And what about the messages you haven’t seen?

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Pretty sure you already know the answer to your question if you already feel the need to snoop on his phone.

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People who tell her she’s wrong for snooping are the ones still in a toxic relationship/marriage :sob: you hardly ever hear of someone snooping and not finding something. If there’s nothing to hide there’s no big deal, duh.

Second, more detail is needed. I have platonic friends that ask me about hairstyles or give their advice or opinion on mine. And it’s no big deal. Just ask him/confront him and see what’s up. Ask him to show you the messages. If he says no or panics you know something is up. If he shows you then it was innocent. Better you sort this out now. Divorce is lengthy and expensive.

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Tell me you’re insecure without telling me you’re insecure…

Snooping in your man’s phone is insecure.

You said yes to getting married and you don’t trust him.

People are allowed to have FRIENDS of any sex and platonically saying you like someone’s hair a certain way isn’t cheating. It’s called being friendly.

Now you’re questioning your entire relationship over this? Are you fucking for real?

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You obviously don’t trust him because you are spying on him. Why would you consider marrying him?

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Trust issues/cheating. Don’t get married yet!!

Talk to him, find out his intentions in that situation.
Let’s normalize that it’s healthy for our partners to have friends of all genders without assuming it’s cheating.

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Dump him. Life’s too short.

Oof. Um so… if you don’t trust him why are you marrying him? Then there’s the fact, you invaded his privacy. Thats shame on you. He’s on snap chat with a chick which can be shifty, and leaving comments such as preferences of appearances. This is concerning as I’ve been cheated on and yes that Can be a start of something or even just a snip of something that has been happening. But also from experience, I have a male friend im close to that is NOT my significant other. We have pet names and give each other compliments and thoughts on each others looks. Its all innocent. But also I’ve never hid that from my bf so he knows and is fine with how we talk. It sounds like a very deep talk is needed before the wedding

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Don’t get married yet

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:bangbang:Please don’t pay attention to the ones calling you insecure. Your feelings are valid. If they like “privacy” in relationships well good for them. Shitty behavior is shitty behavior no matter what. :bangbang:

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They might be just friends :woman_shrugging:

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Engagement off and move forward

It depends in what context the conversation would have been and who it is to him. I don’t cheat and I’ve had that same conversation with the opposite sex and current sex.

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Red flag waving strong.
Trust issues.
Hurt clearly.
Run

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It comes down to trust and boundries. If you’ve told him not to snapchat other girls and he did it anyway, he’s not respecting boundaries and is untrustworthy.
If you haven’t told him it makes you uncomfortable I’d suggest letting him know how you feel and going from there

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Always trust your gut. If it feels wrong it is

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‘Invading his privacy’ giiirrlll you’re about to become his wife. My husband and I don’t have privacy from each other except to shit.:rofl:
But saying that, that one line, I wouldn’t jump to cheating at all.

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Listen all these people saying you’re snooping. I go through my mans phone and he knows I do. We have each others Facebook information. If you arent allowed on someones stuff they’re hiding something

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Kick him to the curb. It will only get worse and more indepth

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You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you don’t trust him enough not to snoop on his phone to see who he’s messaging. Marriage should be built on trust and communication if you want it to be healthy and last.

If you don’t trust him, don’t marry him.

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Total red flag. I caught my ex doing the same thing and he ended up hooking up with the girl he was snapping. Call him out on it!

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I mean I tell my guy friends I like their hair as much as I tell my girl friends so I don’t see qn issue here unless there is more to the conversation

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I’ve put up a picture on snap with colored lines asking opinions on which length to cut and I have had both male and female respond… is she in his top friends or anything else?? Has he given you other reasons to not trust him? If she’s not on his top snap and they don’t have chat history and he’s never given you a reason to not trust him I would just ask about it if it bugs you… you should be able to talk to him about it

:no_mouth:all yall saying hes cheating over something like that are psychopaths.

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I’d just ask about it. If it was a one time thing where she asked opinions I’d just let it go.

Something already made you snoop. There’s your better question

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Maybe his friend just asked for an opinion on her hair…doesn’t seem odd to me. :woman_shrugging:

In my experience, if you’re gut is telling you to snoop, the relationship seems to be over. It’s up to you but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that wasn’t making me feel secure in the relationship.

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Red flags…if you don’t trust now …you never will and then you get stuck in an unhealthy cycle. But this is also an opportunity to communicate in a healthy way.

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If u checking his phone u already dont trust him, now you’ve found something you dont like, she could really b a snap friend and asked about cutting her hair, smdh just move on, youll have trust issues the whole marriage cuz u obviously have them now and he doesnt deserve to be treated like a cheater because of your insecurities

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Wow! Y’all are super insecure if something like that makes all of you say run. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Why do you feel the need to snoop his phone? Like does it REALLY mean hes cheating because he told her to not cut her hair?? My fiance talks to other women and its totally fine, shit I have plenty of male friends on my IG, Twitter, etc… and it does NOT mean I am cheating… We do live streaming on an app, we combined have about 8K followers, LOTS of ppl come to see us, it does NOT mean either of us is cheating… some of these comments!

Your right!! Always remember if you feel the need to snoop you are already suspecting something!!!

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You apparently felt something was off otherwise you wouldn’t be looking at his phone. Either talk to him or leave, or do both. It’s that easy

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Can’t guys have friends who are girls and give them personal opinions on things?

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I wouldn’t marry him if you are already questioning things

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If you feel the need to check his phone in the first place, you shouldn’t be getting married

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Give him the boot…

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I mean it sounds like a normal conversation between people honestly. Nothing untoward. Please tell me you aren’t one of those super controlling women that doesn’t let your man have normal convos with people. If he had told her that her hair was sexy or that she was sexy that would be different.

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Well for 1, who is the girl? And for 2, why were you feeling the need to snoop, ots already over if you have bad gut feelings

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I’d say it’s definitely worth a serious conversation and also some work on yourself to see why you’re insecure. Might mean some work but from the way you worded the post I’d say you’re already wanting out and just looking for a reason. So take it.

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Absolutely… Now may not be time for marriage… You guys have things to discuss… Like they say, everything happens for a reason! Xoxo

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Run! You are completely right, don’t ignore your instincts.

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Sure would b a red flag for me. Thats y ive been single most of my life. Not worth it

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I’ll put it simple, no.

Have a serious conversation before just “running”. Maybe they’re friends and he is genuinely giving her his opinion.

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I feel that unless she’s a close friend you’ve met or someone he has no issue introducing you to it shouldn’t be an issue. As far as compliments or cares for another female. There’s plenty of single men out there for that and personally I don’t like mine too friendly. I am sure he wouldn’t want you throwing compliments and talking preference to another man. Unless he’s just super laid back and in that case you may want to see compatibility and foundations with each other.

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If you have to snoop on his phone, that’s indication enough that you probably shouldn’t be getting married cause you obviously have trust issues.

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I’d leave damn rights

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Thats not okay at all,save yourself the heartache,stds and divorce.

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I dealt with this for a long time,excused it and repaid me by keeping on doing it.after the 4th girl and getting fired for harassment at work i had to call it quits.your heart will heal but dont be afraid to hurt it,it will happen if you stay.

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I’d be more mad about you going to Facebook with our relationships problems.

That’s more of a turn off than him helping a friend with her hair problem.
You’d be gone.

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Why you asking? You know the answer.

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To the women suggesting that she’d feel different if she knew that he was talking to a friend, y’all do realize that some women do have boundaries with their husbands when it comes to friends of the opposite sex, and that it’s perfectly healthy and ok for her to have that boundary, right?

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First red flag, leave.

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You’re too quick to judge!!! Males are allowed to have female friends ya know…

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You snooped on his phone, you’re not ready for marriage. He’s having conversations that you find inappropriate-he may not be ready for marriage but you also are too insecure for marriage. Work on communication, trust, and boundaries and expectations looooong before getting married

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