My question is: Do any of you recently married/ married for years wife/husbands feel that you made a mistake by getting married? We’re newly married (August 2019) I love my new husband to death, we’ve been together for 12 and got married on our anniversary. We have two daughters together, and I have a son from a previous relationship. Our oldest is no longer living at home. He’s a great father/ provider/ lover, but… he’s a grouch lol I’ve had two thoughts where I felt that I shouldn’t have married him! Am I wrong? Is it normal to have these thoughts? We’ve been through everything, and I mean everything, and it made our relationship stronger. I’m able to go out with friends and enjoy myself, and so is he. There’s no jealousy or insecurities, which is why I feel bad that I had these two thoughts of him. Please tell me I’m crazy. I have a good man and should be grateful. I mean idk what I mean I feel like a selfish bitch lol Perspectives? Insights? Opinions?
You been with him that long and just now noticing he’s a grouch after you all got married? Ok then 
Depends, is it a quick invasive thought or do you find yourself dwelling on it? With most couples i think that thought might slip in occasionally but if you’re dwelling on it you might need to look a bit deeper to figure out the why.
Haha your crazy! Getting married should only change your last name after 12 years!
Girl you are just tired and frustrated take from a girl going through a divorce now. You guys will work it out maybe see if his b12 is low? It could be an easy fix for him to feel better. If not then follow your heart and what’s best for you!!
I have been with my spouse for 14 years. I refuse marriage. Lol
If someone wants a divorce, they can always find reasons to get a divorce. If you want the marriage to work, look for ways to make it better.
Marriage is better or for worse. You’ve been together for sooo long, I’m sure his grouchy personality isn’t something new. Maybe the stress of the holidays is getting to him. Or you’re just having one of those days! Stay positive, we all have days we question our life choices!
You sound pregnant. I get crazy when I’m pregnant
You probably don’t regret it. It’s just a big adjustment. There’s nothing wrong with counseling at any point either so don’t hesitate. And make sure you understand the communication is everything 
Sounds like y’all/ you need to spice it up a bit… seems like that’s the only problem. Start doing things you’ve never done before… lingerie, a nice hotel stay, road trip, candle light dinner in the backyard… I can think of a lot of different things. I don’t think you regret being married… you only say that because the spark isn’t there
I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and if we have an argument or he does something that pisses me off, that thought slips in my head, but it doesn’t stay there, I’ll think it then forget it. I think everyone thinks that with their partner sometimes, my hubby just likes to push my buttons😂
Seriously?!
do you read the posts on here??? I’m feeling grouchy just reading your biggest problem is a grouchy man. Move aside for the people with real issues. Count your blessings lady before you dump a good man and find out what the rest on here already know. Just wow
Is this serious? You regret marrying him because he’s a grouch? How has marriage made you come to this realization but you’ve been through everything and together for a long time?
My husband can be a grouch too. But I’ve never regretted getting married. Tell him to take a nap or eat something and get over it. Everyone has their days.
You didn’t notice the grouchiness in the 12 yrs you spent together prior to marriage? My husband and I had been together 11yrs when we got married. I knew what I was getting myself into.
Nah you’re good it’s just marriage is plenty of times where I felt we should make got married but it was mostly just my own insecurities because we just had two new babies I was a little depressed he was working all the time to try and support our family and it was really stressful but things got better just got to either try to communicate it to stick in it for the Long haul
Appreciate your husband for everything he does, life is short, he might not be there tomorrow.
Bahahah only 2 thoughts? Girl… idk why people thing marriage is sunshine and rainbows. In a marriage they will be unhappy times, times of struggle, and times of regret. That’s a marriage. You have been with him 12 years, how has this man not been a grouch before?
You sound crazy! He seems like a good man it’s just a big change for you!
Honestly ask him why he is so grouchy. Communication. When is the last time you guys did you two, go out for coffee talk laugh be lovers without sexual contact. It happened to us. We needed to let loose and just talk. Marriage is special, but it shouldn’t change who you guys have been or are. Talk about you guys, not about kids or chores or bills stuff that makes you, you. Do you have a hobby? Does he? Talk about something that makes you you and remembering why he fell in love with you and why you fell in love with him. Hope this helps. It won’t happen overnight but it may help. Try. 
My husband can be an insensitive asshole or blow little things out of proportion sometimes when he’s frustrated. And at those times I’m like, “why the fuck did I marry you?” But I’m sure I have my bad days too and he may even have the same thoughts. Marriage isn’t easy nor a walk in the park. It’s about choosing each other every day. Yeah he’s an ass, but he’s my ass and I love him to death. I can’t imagine life without him and we have far more good days than bad.
I wouldn’t want to be around a grump. U have a way to support ur self n kids?
“For better, for worse.”
This is my situation exactly!!! We’ve been together for 16 years and we got married on our 10 year anniversary but I felt like it was a big mistake. He’s so grouchy as well but at this point I’m so used to it. We have no jealousy in our marriage and we go out separately with our friends. Dont get me wrong we love each other and have 4 beautiful girls but sometimes I feel like we can’t just go out with just the 2 of us and have a good time.
Being married isn’t any different than being in a long term relationship.
I have been with my SO for 9 yrs. Not married. Love how good of a father he is. How hard he works. Never okay with one good check. Always investing in something that can make us money when we are retired.
Yea he gets moody. I get hella moody too.
So being married doesn’t change anything!
Maybe you should talk to your husband about how you feel instead of asking the internet
You should watch Tyler Perry’s why did I get married movie
You been together 12 years you were basically married without the rings and paper. Now you got those lol that doesnt really change anything just a different title.
If hes grumpy ask him whats wrong or on his mind…
Maybe try counseling
Lol hell im grumpy most of the time… Bc life… I think you should cut him some slack.
You had 12 years to decide that before getting married and it’s just a piece of paper if one’s not happy nothing stopping them from leaving… But being married has nothing to do with something that existed prior.
You guys have been together for 12 years. TWELVE YEARS. you would have already KNOWN this by now. If you guys have only been together a year or two and just gotten married and havent been living together long yeah alright, sometimes true colors can come out, but come on. This is fucking stupid. You changed your last name and get to file married on taxes. Thats it. He probably stressed. And maybe you’re being annoying. Talk to him like an adult.
Your husband has he had health checkup lately?, if he isn’t feeling well he’s bound to be grouchy, just talk to him. Sounds like a keeper. Remember the vows you took when the 2 of you got married.
People have second thoughts or worry if they made a mistake . I would ignore the negative comments. Yall have been together for 12 years. It happens
Wait what!? You’ve been together for how long? You’ve got how many kids together? But marriage it’s a problem?
Men go through there time of the month just like women they just don’t know how to keep it to themselves as easy as women do
it sounds like you are getting bored with him and want to have an affair with someone else.
I think you both just need a little spark. Sometimes after being with someone for so long, it may become boring. Doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake. You both just need a spark.
Go on a vacation together without the kids. Have great sex together. Be youthful again. Believe me… it will change things.
This is one of the many reasons i no longer believe in marriage. You say everything was fine before you got married right? So what’s different now? He had to have been a grouch beforehand, he didn’t just become one over night so a little piece of paper from the government doesn’t change anything. You had to have had these thoughts before you got married. So you made your bed by marrying him and now you need to lay in it and work through it. Divorce will fuck whatever relationship you are striving for with him.
Some of these comments people are saying make me so mad. People are so quick to judge and just make ignorant comments. Like you’ve never run into problems with your marriage.
He was a grouch in July as well. You didn’t get married and he instantly became a different person. You can’t have a great relationship if you are harboring this grudge against his grouchiness. Have you tried telling him that he’s a grouch? What are your flaws? Maybe you both have things you need to work on.
Yep was together 6 yrs and got married, divorced 6 months later.
Be honest amd talk to him. Chances are he may have something really bothering him. No one is perfect in a relationship and I’m sure you’re no walk in the park either. Communication is key. Don’t just complain about it. If you really love him, try to find a solution
So it took 12 years and kids later to realize he is a grouch lol
Your crazy I’ll marry him!
Most women get with the wrong
Man and. They pay for it later
Look be for you jump in to any thing ladys
Look the next guy over be for you
Jump in the fire
How old is your youngest? Is it possible you have postpartum or something? Usually when something starts botheri you it means there’s something going on with you. Do you have any new stress that you’re taking out on him? Any other changes? After 16 years, someone doesn’t become annoying just because you got married. It sounds like there’s something else going on here
You’re with him 12 years, have 2 kids together, now you decide you made a mistake???
Is there more? Are you sure he cant sense something is up or your treating him differently than might be making him a grouch! I’m not sure anyone can give you advice without more information. Maybe try seeing a counselor
Marriage really should t change anything, especially since y’all have two children and have been together that long 
I cant believe this is real
Getting married is like signing up with the government for legal benefits. That’s like saying you got a social security card after 15 years together and it killed your relationship. Like, what?? That’s not a thing. If you never, in that 12 years, thought I regret being with this man, until you married him, there’s something else going on. Are you just feeling guilty about these thoughts? Because don’t. I often want to throw my husband off a building. But I don’t. So who cares? And it’s not because we are married. It’s because he’s a pain in the ass. I’m guessing you never wanted to get married in the first place (it took 12 years after all), because somewhere along the road you got it in your head that marriage ruins relationships. And now, even though you’ve had negative thoughts of him before (because you MUST have) you suddenly have something to “blame” for those thoughts, other than his or your behavior. It’s not the marriage’s fault he’s being an ass. Nor is it the marriage’s fault that you aren’t fixing these issues like you used to. But blaming the marriage instead of fixing it, WILL kill the marriage. A self fulfilling prophecy, if you will. So I suggest you either shake it off, or seek counseling (together or apart) to get through this rough patch.
But the bottom line stands, don’t feel guilty for your thoughts, and more importantly, don’t blame getting married for your problems. That sound as dumb as those people who blame autism on vaccines.
12 years to get married??? And the grouchiness you apparently left unnoticed is the entire reason for regret? There are so many questions lol… like wow
After 12 years and 2 kids together, now you have buyer’s remorse? Sweetie, you were in a common law marriage anyway.
Shit… I get pissed at anyone and think “damn get outta my life” … But i don’t really mean it. Just passing thoughts.
He doesn’t just suddenly become “a grouch” after 12 years. You sound ridiculous. Maybe try being an adult in a healthy relationship and talk to your partner.
How is living with someone for 12 years and then getting officially married any different? Just because it’s a paper saying your married? You didn’t know he was a grouch before you signed the paper or it magically happened over nite? You should’ve known this within the first year of being together… people change yes but not because of a piece of paper. Now it’s just more expensive to move on because you have to pay for a divorce and not just a common law separation. (And common law and married are the same thing anyways!)
I’d say work it out. You love him and he’s good to you and the kids. Everyone gets grumpy. Life happens.
Ya I quest why I married my husbands all the time lol but the. He does something and I am smitten again your fickle it happens
Okay so I think it’s normal… When you are in a relationship for a very long time to every once in a while have some thoughts like that. I don’t think a single person can say they haven’t had a doubt or two in their relationships. I mean I am in a happy relationship but there have been days when I questioned if I did the right things and that’s ok. When you are in a relationship for a long time sometimes you become kinda set in your ways. Maybe you could talk to your Husband and see if something has been getting to him to make him grouchy. Maybe make plans to do things together. Kinda like reigniting the flame… When I did have my doubts in my relationship I opened up to my SO and we talked through it and worked on the things I was having doubts about together, and surprise it worked and I am happy. Granted we haven’t been together for 11+ years and had a rough start but we are only getting stronger.
Nobody is perfect. Married is gonna have highs and lows, people have bad days, it’s normal. All the good things you mentioned seems like they outweigh him being a grouch occasionally.
I regretted getting married to my ex husband, but that was after he started screaming in my face in front of our kids. Even if your husband wasn’t a grouch before, I hardly think that’s a reason to regret getting married. Everyone gets grouchy, but I hardly regret marrying my current husband because he can be grouchy.
I’m sure you’re not always sunshine either 
sounds like you shouldn’t have gotten married. Marriage isn’t for everyone but being together 12 years, you already KNEW he could be a grouch.
You didn’t marry Jesus Christ, don’t hold your husband to standards you yourself can’t achieve.
You have a good man and you should be grateful.
Find reasons to stay and focus on those. It doesn’t look like he is doing anything thats a deal breaker. When you say he is grouch what do you exactly mean by that? Coz we all can be grouches at times
I wish you well in your relationship, i hope you find something to make it better
My sons dad and I fought more when we were married than we do now lol
( we r divorced but together lol)
it’s because you got married, yea you’ve been together for 12 years, but marriage is like a magnifying glass. You’re essentially trapped, because if you want out you can no longer just walk away. Now you have to get a divorce! You’ve been together 12 years & life’s been fine, why feel the need to bring a piece of paper into it?
Oh he is a grouch really hun, through what we have with my partner struggling with addiction for 7 years of our 11 years, he is all good now but seriously people get pissed off he is human not a robot
Are you just upset bc now you have to make a conscious effort to work at your relationship/marriage every day? There’s nothing wrong with marriage- it’s your mindset that’s twisted
Married 20yrs and yes there are days I wonder what was I thinking. Every marriage and relationship has its highs and lows, there are days I tell my hubby I love you but I don’t like you today. I think In your case you have been together for a good amount of time and it may just be worries about did making this official change our dynamics. Which are perfectly normal big life changes(even just a piece of paper) can give anyone doubts or worries. You are not selfish, crazy or a bitch. Give yourselves some time to get use to the whole husband/wife thing.
After 12 yrs and 2 kids later and you dont know your husband🤷🏾♀️
Oh please! You knew what he was like, get over it
I think it’s better for the kids if you’re married.
Wow, so much judgment on here. The OP just asked if anyone could empathize. You can still love someone and have days you don’t want to be around them or days you miss freedom. It’s ok, OP. Really. Feel what you feel-- having regret here and there doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate your husband (you clearly stated you do), or that you don’t love him (you clearly do). Ups and downs. Just be honest with him and maybe seek therapy (I mean that in an honest, nonjudgmental way) and see what a professional can offer you. Not some of the catty ass opinions on here.
Wow, ladies. Seriously.
Mines a grouch too, but it’s not hard to think about all the good things too… or just tell him to hush up when he’s being too grouchy
If it wasnt broke, why get married? Its just a piece of paper!!
It causes high amounts of anxiety and an unsolved sensation when living like that so just calm down she is ok to wonder while being concerned about her own well being.
If you loved him as much as you “claim” you wouldn’t be questioning if you should’ve gotten married.
My ex wife said almost same thing to me. Shes finding out hard way as she sleeps next to her moms washing machine and I’m tucking kids into bed at night.
Dont be like her, maybe hes upset about something and is trying to hold it I.
If he has been good enough to stay with this long then why would getting married change anything? You’ve been living like you’ve been married for years as it is, the only difference is that now you share his name and have legal rights to things you didn’t have before.
you are very confusing .One you guys have been together for 12 yrs then you stay he’s a grouch !!! So was he this way before you married him? or afterwards? But you love him !!! Now if this happened after you married him, ( him being a grouch) just maybe he feels he shouldn’t have married you either !!!
Hell lady,ur a grouch…he needs to kick ur butt out and find a sweeter thankful wife…omg…lol,have a nice day
Sounds like you have got a good one so be happy with him because there,s plenty of bad ones out there good look and merry Christmas
No judgment from me. It’s normal. Not all women are desperate to be married.
After 12 years together, a piece of paper is making you question things?
Sounds like you have doubted your feelings for longer and it’s not the Mrs title that’s the issue.
All men have a right to have bad days I have been married to same man for 50 years I was 19 and he was 21 there will be bad days but there will be more good days than bad days
My husband is like yours, we can go out, he helps out, everything but he’s a grouch too lol we’ve also been together for 12yrs. It’s just part of the relationship, especially after being together that long. Men get grouchy the older they get or at least mine does lol I just call him out on it, usually it’s just because he’s tired or stressed from work or something, just talk with him 
your not crazy nor selfish
It’s normal. You’re not a horrible person for having bad thoughts on a bad day. 12 years is a long time to be with someone and then get married, it’s a change that takes getting use to. Just because you’ve lived as a married couple for so long doesn’t change the fact that you actually are now and something’s different. When things change there is an adjustment period, and you can second guess yourself during this time. Most newly weds are fresh in the relationship so they’re on a high, but you have been together a long time and is weird to have change like that. Just remind yourself that you love him, and he’s a good man even on his bad days.
No one is perfect. If this is the only problem you have with him. Consider yourself lucky. Because the grass definitely is not greener on the other side of the fence.
There’s still time for annulment
Sounds like my fiance. Something that you’ve got to remind yourself is that you’ve seen all his bad days. Things are never the same at the start of a relationship compared to 12 years later. You have to be willing to stick with all sides of your partner. Good and bad. There’s no such thing as perfect because you’ll always be with someone who is simply just human. If you constantly feel disrespected or not heard then thatd be one thing but it sounds like you’re having regrets when hes not perfect and there’s no such thing as that. It is normal to have regrets and question things but deciding to get through it when you have that many positive things to say about your partner is what makes a marriage a marriage.
Loving someone is a choice… you didn’t just figure out after 12 years that he is a grouch… if he treats you well and is an over all good husband and father, then you need to revaluate your priorities. Love him as he is, or move on. Mine is a grouch, but I love him anyways… and I just get grouchy back. The grass is greener where you water it.
I will not downplay your frustration. I will not tell you you’re crazy either. I find in my experience that “most” men are just grouchy overall. Mine is grouchy a lot as well. And it is something that I accept about him because he is otherwise a good man. Although, it does not mean that it doesn’t cause me mental and emotional stress. I totally understand where you are coming from. Luckily for me though he usually comes out of it very quickly but it does happen often. So I try not to let it stress me out too much. I’m sure there are things about me that bother him that he has to accept as well. It’s a 2 way street. You have to decide if it is worth it or not. If it is bringing you down to an unbearable point then you have every right to question it. You are not selfish for wanting yourself to be happy and stress free. Only you are in control of making healthy decisions for yourself. If you feel that it is something you can accept because his good qualities override the Grouchiness then I suggest sticking it through.
He could have an underlying medical condition sugar diabetes makes you grouchier than shit
There is usually a reason behind grouchy behavior. Consider counseling because it can get worse if there is an underlying issue that doesn’t get resolved.
I have been married 13 years on the 26th of this months. I feel like smothering mine sometimes. I love the man to pieces, but he does drive me crazy
This is normal and it will pass. Give it a chance. I’ve been married 34 yrs, yes, there have been times when I thought, yikes, what have I done? But, it passes. I have a great husband, who’s been an awesome father, great provider. The best. I learned to appreciate him. Being without him is not happening. So, relax, find your lady friends, get a hobby, read a book, but appreciate him. Tell him that once in a while.
Welcome to marriage!
Sometimes I feel like things changed when we got married. We’ve been married for 2 years and together for 4 and we have been through more than what average couples go through. Neither of us planned on getting married. We only did it to make family happy. We love each other more than anything but I still feel like things changed in some way
How about it sounds more like there’s an undercurrent of emotional treatment that you don’t like and that he keeps repeating. Sounds like he isn’t meeting your emotional need in this regard.
Maybe he doesnt feel well. Maybe he is tired. Maybe he is stressed. Maybe he has a deficiency. Find out why he is so “grouchy” because I think it’s pretty low to leave someone because they have bad days.