So my daughter is seven and does not know who her bio dad is. He never had anything to do with her since I left him due to drugs and violence. When she was six months old, I had found love again things took off fast, and we ended up having two wonderful kids together, and we’re together for six years, so she grew up believing he was her father. Well now me and have split up for a year due to cheating and drug use ect, and for a couple of months, he had taken my seven year old because she knew him as a dad now he has told her he isn’t her dad and he wants nothing to do with her. How do I explain this all to her I feel horrible for lying and she always asks about him and wants him because her brother and sister go with him, but she isn’t allowed to
I split from my SO (daughters step dad) and he is now telling my 7-year-old he isn't her dad: Advice?
What a monster !!! I wouldn’t let any of the kids go till that jerk pulled his head out of the clouds how dare he do and say that to that innocent baby !!!
He’s bad enough that you split and is doing drugs so why would you send your kids to him anyway?
What a crappy human he is.
Evil peice of shit!!! Keep all 3 away from him if i was u
The truth always comes out…
You have to tell her the truth. You can’t force him to feel differently. If he’s addicted to drugs its better that he has nothing to do with any of your children. Cut ties.
He is a horrible man and doesn’t deserve her. No person, man or woman, should neglect a child just because they aren’t with the other parent. Regardless if they are blood or not. He is all she knows. She doesn’t deserved to be treated this way just because you two didn’t work out. I guess you will have to just be honest with her. Explain everything. And answer any questions she may have.
Sounds like a monster. But please stop having babies with drug addicts. Also if his drug use made you guys split, why are you sending your children there? Doesn’t seem like you’re making very good choices.
Wow what a dick for taking out your marriage problems on a 7 year old pff… you shouldn’t feel bad for lying you wanted her to feel stable welcomed and loved. That’s what a good mama does. As for telling her why she cant spend time with “him” I’d be honest but only to an extent of what you know she could handle but since hes already crushing her why not plan some you and her time while her siblings go with him. Shopping or crafts could be fun.
Wow situation sucks but if he’s involved with drugs etc I wouldn’t even allow my children around him
I wouldn’t allow any of the kids see him
I’ve split from my bd and he wants nothing to do with his sons. And his other son thts not mine. I still take care of bc it’s not his fault
Now is the time to tell her the truth, and that he’s not as good a man as you thought he was, and she does not deserve that from ANYONE. Be you need to reassure her, constantly, that this is not her fault and she did nothing wrong. That sometimes grownups make mistakes and he should not have said it to her.
So unnecessary and hurtful of him. I’m sorry for your daughter. I would talk her through this and be there for her, and cut all contact with him.
Wow you split bcuz of drugs but still sending your children?? I really hope nothing happens to them babies bcuz of ur failure to protect them from that situation. As for telling her just be honest, the damage is already done honestly.
Wow that is just petty and mean
So, you split because of drugs and you’re still sending your kids with him?!? This can’t be real. He should have access to none of the children. As for the 7yo she’s not his child. It’s you’re fault for allowing her to believe that a man you’re not even married too is her father, all this could have been avoided had you been up front. He doesn’t have to take her and care for her, yes I think he’s a piece of shit for not claiming her too, but the truth is he’s not obligated too. YOU should be making better choices for your kids, but here you are.
Get her a counselor right away and tell her the truth! Probably would be helpful if you spoke to the therapist about the best way to do this.
He should never have gotten the chance to break her heart… YOU should have thwarted this by telling your daughter HER truth in a loving, gentle way. Since that can’t be undone, use this as your motivation to do better. You shouldn’t ALLOW your daughter around a man who wants to hurt a young, innocent child in such a deep, profound way. You need to do better and make wiser choices. Her identity, value, worth and sense of family was just seriously messed with by someone she loved and trusted💔 Cater to her mental well-being and try to rebuild her little soul.
Wow what a nasty person he is! Tell her the truth and tell her your sorry but you wanted to make her life better. I’m so sorry you and your daughter
are going thru this.
First he is a crappy person for doing that. Second, I would be upfront and honest with your daughter about her bio dad and that you met her step dad afterwards. Kids do understand but it may take them a bit.
He’s garbage! Keep her away from anyone who would dare do anything to hurt her. She will grow up knowing who really loves her, for now just give her all she needs so she doesn’t feel like she needs him or anyone else! Be honest with her. And if I were you, I’d put her and the other 2 in family counseling with you to better help all 3 of them understand and how to cope with the entire situation. He’s so wrong for doing that to a child which is why I’d keep a close eye on him and talk with the kids about what is done and said around them, you never know…
The truth always will come out, how he did it was wrong but keeping it from her is also wrong.
What a dick even though its the truth… sit her down and talk with her. Be honest and answer what you can.
What a shitty thing to do. I wouldn’t allow any of the kids around him until you get in front of a judge. What a dick move on his part. Sadly, you’re going to have to be honest with her at this point. If you continue to tell her he is her dad and he tells her he’s not it’s gonna make her not trust either of you. I’m sorry he’s such a shitty human being. Hugs mama.
What a giant piece of shit this guy is. Sorry youre going through this mama. I cant imagine.
What an asshole poor baby sorry ur going thru that . Some guys are losers
Over here in the UK many parents are forced to send their kids to druggie exes a lot. Alcoholics too. Ones that drink drive. Ones that have beat the other parent senseless whether physically or mentally too.
My judge was good luckily, and tried to be fair.
In family court it is rare there is rhyme reason logic or consistency. So maybe this mom doesn’t have a choice.
Sending love your way your eldest must be so confused and heartbroken
If she asks about her real dad he made some bad choices and I wanted to protect you. That’s what moms do x
I mean. He’s not her biological das but he’s the only dad she’s ever known. So that’s very childish and hurtful of him.
Be honest with her. She will always remember your honesty.
Dont allow him to see the other 2 kids. Because he was and has been her life since 6m this is beyond hurtful and rediculous on his part. She knows nothing different and that was shitty for him to say that.
Hes on drugs and sounds like a dickhead anyways so why bother? Clearly your child doesn’t need that in their life, Move on and give your child the best they deserve
How can he be so mean what a horrible person u are Mr whoever you are u sound be ashamed of yourself
Oh my god…
That’s so fucking sad.
Please please please drill it into her head that she is PERFECT and this is in NO WAY her fault:sob:
This situation is sad but you have to look at it from all sides. First you should have been honest with her before he had a chance to break her heart. I’m not saying what he did was right because it’s not but he just sounds bitter you left and thats his way at getting back at you. Also as heartbreaking as it is at the end of the day he isnt her father and you can’t expect him to play that roll anymore. I’m sorry you should have told her sooner before he had a chance. My biggest thing is if you left him for drugs why do you let him see any of the kids. That’s not safe, so many things could go wrong!! Go to court make him get himself straight if he wants to see the kids!
That’s messed up poor kids I don’t know how ppl can be so cruel
He is a fuck face and I wouldn’t let him near my kids if he on drugs and mistreating her
Next time make sure you find somebody who has some character.
Just explain to her what happened and why you didn’t tell her before better she no now just tell her the truth
What a fucking monster.
Shame on him!! Nobody who is worth a crap does this 2 a child. I can’t imagine how hurtful this is 2 ur daughter.
Sorry, he isn’t her dad
In some states if he has been the primary money maker he is still responsible for paying child support for her as well. If bio father hasn’t done anything to help and it’s been on step dad.
Stop sending your other children till ordered by courts. He had no right to hurt your daughter like that.
then he never truly saw her has his daughter. People can be heartless. I always believe in honesty. It may sting right a first, but it will fade and can be accepted and dealt with in a healthy way. Lies can be very difficult to recover from, not impossible, but definitely makes things more hurtful and complicated than necessary. This situation is causing a lot of pain and not just for her. This is causing a negative effect on all the children. This is teaching them horrible lessons please use this time to talk to all your children Teach them how everyone should be treated regardless of circumstances. Use this to teach them kindness towards each other and forgiveness as well. So sorry. I know you child and mostly likely children’s hearts are breaking:pray:
I had my daughter at 24 when she was 14 months old I meet my husband now and that all she knows as her dad we are still together a couple years ago we had ruff times and I told her about her real dad cause I didn’t know if my husband and I would make she has never asked about her real dad she said my husband is her dad and we have a son I tell him if we aren’t together he can’t see his son inless he sees he’s daughter and he is a good dad he begs me all the time if we’re not together please let me see her I love her and please if something happens to you please don’t have your family take her away from me I guess it depends on the man you can’t make him be her dad it takes a special man to be a child’s dad dad that isn’t his
What a POS I’m sorry your poor baby is having to go through this.
What a shitty human being
He is absolutely horrible for punishing her iver your situation. I’d use this to get full custody of all of them
Id tell him all or none
Tell her truth and he sound like a prick why do that to a child she loves him because that’s all she knows ugh people are messed up just sit down talk with her hug her I know you can make her feel loved and wanted Mama
I will not bash you for anything. I completely get it as my son only knows my fiance as his dad. Its hard to make a 5 year old understand something so complicated so i never mentioned it to him. I figured when the time came and he asked… i would tell him. Then my fiance came in the picture and he called him dad on his own. Now my fiance would never leave my sons side even if we had broken up because he isnt that type of person but i would try to have a sit down. Tell him he is all she has ever known and leaving her is like leaving his own children. All or none kinda deal
He sounds like a huge piece of SHIT to do that to your little girl … I honestly don’t know exactly how I would approach the issue…just be truthful and honest with her…that’s really all you can do … And also I’d bitch slap that douchebag of a “human being” man child for making my baby upset
This is really sad and this means he was fake ass n the beginning. To hurt a child’s feeling like that he sucks but I do think on the other hand that she should have been told from the beginning as well so stuff like this doesn’t happen you got to cover your heart
If you broke up because of drugs, you need to be keeping all 3 of your children safe and away from him until there is a court order stating otherwise. If he is fine hurting one of your children like that, how do you know he isnt mentally hurting the other two as well? Drugs do terrible things to people. When you do go to court explain the relationship and the emotional damage he is doing to your 7 year old.
What a piece of shit. I’m so sorry
Dont send any of your children if he is on drugs and tell her the truth to the best of your abilities for her age .
That is so heartbreaking. What an absolute scum bag. Console her and love her even more than usual mama. She deserves a little extra love after basically being told she is disposable. I couldn’t even imagine the heart ache. I wish the absolute best for you and your kids. Make sure you file for full custody of all of them!!
You need a lawyer my daughter went thru the same thing I regret that he did what he did I never would allow him to see her
Shame on him treating your child like this. Your poor daughter!
What a horrible person!! If he’s a drug addict get custody and walk away. What a total loser. He should be so ashamed.
I guess you just need to sit down and explain this to her. It’s a very unfortunate situation but it is what it is…
You can’t take back what he said and the truth is now out there. She will get through this. She always has you and her siblings
Sounds harsh but he doesn’t have to take her or continue his fatherly duties twords her. Is it messed up emotionally? Ya it is she’s 7. But she’s also old enough to sit down and talk things out. Sorry not sorry this right here is why you dont lie to kids their whole entire lives. Idfaf if their bio parent was on drugs ECT they still have their own right to know that this guy is their dad. Quit lying to your kids ladies. And as for all the comments I see saying keep his kids from him, that’s low and childish they are his just cause he doesn’t want to take her little girl anymore doesn’t mean he now doesn’t see his kids either. That’s sh****. All dad’s should see their kids unless dad is a danger or putting the children in danger of any kind.
Im so very sorry that is truly heartbreaking for that sweet innocent lil girl
You mentioned drug use … Why allow the other kids be around a drug user ? Keep all of the kids away from him and safe … And how dare he say those things to your daughter … He seems to be a heartless person
Stop him seeing the other kids he’s mean and nasty he chose to take her on and now because u ain’t together he’s punishing her he’s disgusting I’d stop him seeing all kids xx
I’ve actually got a friend that had a similar situation. Fortunately, she had been dating a great guy who loved both kids. They’re now married. With this new great guy, he swooped in taking over as father to the one child who’s previous “father” stepped back only wanting time with his one real son. It will be harder for you. I’m sorry your going through this and there is a special place in karmas book for men who do this to kids. And in no way am I saying go out and find some man to he your childs father. Be picky, you dont want this happening again. Put your child in counseling and hope that things work out.
What a piece of shit he is I’m so sorry but what adult causes that kind of trauma on a 7 yr old. Unfortunately you have to explain things to her and let her know she has you at all times and her brother and sister are yours as well and therefore her siblings forever. I would keep my distance from that man because obviously he’s not ok mentally if he thinks causing that kind of pain to an innocent child is ok.
If he would deliberately do that to a child, he’s an evil POS!!
if he is on drugs DO NOT SEND ANY OF YOUR KIDS WITH HIM… and it sucks but youve got to explain to her who her real dad is…but keep it age appropriate .
That guy is a douch!! Poor lil girl. Just love her as much as you can.
Wow, what a piece of shit. He should have had a conversation with you about it. He really had no right to tell her. Not really sure what to tell you that’s helpful. Poor kid…
I’m so sorry your daughters going threw this… I really wish women would stop lying to there kids… Here’s 3 stories… I have 2 friends brothers when they where 17 there father died. At the fathers funeral they saw the family tree and asked why they where not in it… A family member told them he wasn’t there dad but they where adopted. They where beyond shock… #2… My cousin was 7 when her parents split up. She couldn’t figure out why daddy was not coming around so much… she was then told at 14 he wasn’t her father that her real dad left before she was born. She left home at 15 never to talk to her mom again she is 40 now and still has nothing to do with her mom for lying to her all these years. Found her real dad. He was told she died at birth and she has a sister and brother from him… 3rd story… 2 kids raised by there grandmother as there mom. Was told thee father died… grandmother dies. Find out there mother was there granddmother and there father is alive and is married with more children. Needless to say these two kids are hurt… Just because you and the fathers don’t work out unless they are physically abusive to the kids dosent give you a right to keep them from there bio dad. Today with social media, DNA the truth is always going to come out. Now that you 2 are not together he can tell her the truth. She is not his. And no he doesn’t have to take her on as his. These are risks you take when you lie about bio parents. The truth always comes out in the end.
Go to counseling with her to help her cope with the rejection
None of the kids should go see him IF he in fact is using drugs. Also, I feel for your 7yo. U r g2have to have that talk w her now, but keep it as simple n age appropriate as possible. Best of luck
First off, what a piece of shit for treating a child that way, a child that loves him and second, you need to just talk to her and explain to her the best way you can the truth. Its going to be hard but be completely honest with her, she deserves that. I wish you luck, I can’t imagine how hard that must be. If he’s using drugs you need to take him to court and see if hes even fit to be around the other two kids, it may not be safe for them.
It seems like a lot of people wanna lie to their kids thinking they’ll be with the SO forever and they’ll never know the truth! Grow up people the truth ALWAYS comes to bite you in your butt! Your child has a father and a mother know matter if one is a POS! Stop letting your kids call them mom/dad if it’s not! When the child gets older and chooses to call them that then it’s their choice and stories like this will stop happening! If they do not physically adopt the child then they will not choose to support them if they walk out! I got many friends that choose to lie and once they walk out the relationship the child suffers and the SO refuses to support or choose the child! People WAKE UP! Children just want to be loved and accepted!
He is certainly an ass.
I feel so sorry for your daughter, going from having a dad for 7 years then to have him not wanting anything to do with her has got to be so traumatising for her first man to break that little girls heart, how foolish and selfish. And then for you to have to watch your baby girl go through it has got to be hard, feeling for yous
That is so sad he thinks he is making you pay… hurting you. But its is something she will never forget. He has marked her for life. So sad how people think…
Wow. He’s a douche bag… Be honest with your daughter .
Thats why you don’t lie to your kids. Now it’s biting you in the ass. Poor girl
He is a devil. Evil evil person.
Why lie to your kids in the first place! Be mad at yourself over this one.
Get that girl in therapy and find her a reliable father figure who won’t leave, asap. You lied to her, if she never forgives you, she’d have every right. This child has now been abandoned by every man she was owed love from. And you have proven incapable of picking good men, which leads me to believe you didn’t grow up with any good examples of a man either. So now she’s primed to repeat all your same mistakes. Stop the process now, and get her help so she can work through it, and find her an example of a truly good man - who you you are NOT screwing - to mentor her and step up for her. And then stop dating until your kids are grown, because she doesn’t need to go through this again. If you meet a good man in the middle of all that, he’ll wait on the outskirts of your life until your kids are grown. If not, oh well. Put your kids first.
This is sad, l hope that he gets help and invites her back into his life. In the meantime l hope that he is sober when he Is around and driving your two children. I hope that you find someone that is a good guy but, maybe change your mind about what type of guys you like so you don’t have 3 Ex’s and all your kids getting confused. Good luck. Do something special with your Daughter on those days so her day is happy.
What a arsehole . I don’t have much advice obviously talking to him is not much a option but do try, on days the other 2 are gone take her out for some one on one time like get your nails done or grab a ice cream or stay home and make cup cakes or watch movies or do her hair.
You tell your daughter that she is loved by many her family and because he is not well and saying horrible things to her. Tell your daughter be honest with her and say that your real dad was not well and needed to get some help so you and your whanau family and friends love her heaps. Don’t be nasty about it and say horrible things. There are 5 of us only 3 of us are to the same father and the oldest and youngest have different fathers.
As much as it’s going to break her heart, just be honest with her.
Don’t let the other ones go with him either. He’s using drugs so its a hazardous environment 🤷
Sit her down and tell her the truth. Explain that you were not trying to hurt her you just wanted to wait until she was order to tell her so she would understand better, but you love her very much and will always be there for her no matter what.
TELL HER… My dad was adopted by his step dad because his bio dad up and left before my uncle was born… I even had a chance to meet my great grandpa and great grandma, he died when I was 6 and she died when I was 16-ish. Since she’s been asking you need to tell her the truth, that he was not a nice man and he was abusive to you, she’s old enough to know! I’ve known about my bio grandpa though I never met him since I was tiny… I never felt like a George anyhow, I fit in the commons family they are blood! But I still loved my papa who my dad called dad,God bless his soul!
Please make sure you do something extra special with her on the days dad has the other kids
My heart goes out to you and your daughter… the best thing that you can do is sit her down and tell her the whole truth, as hard and sad as it may be… child are resilient… you both will be crying alot and that is ok. As for your exhusband you need to set some serious grounds rules with him… he should of never told her anything. Now that the “cat is out of the bag sort of speak”… this is such a tuff situation on both you and your daughter😓. He maybe the only father figure she knows and what he did is unforgivable. But calmly tell her what you think is right about her 1st dad and you will know what to say… then explain current father figure in her life… you both will ne ok and grow stronger and better mother and daughter for this… keep your chin up and breath… like our moms say. “This too shall pass.”
You need to get her in Towson right away she’s going to have daddy issues
This is a hard one she should have grown up knowing that her bio father was out there somewhere. When you explain the true facts to her she is going to think that 2 fathers did’nt want her. You need to talk to someone professional who deals with this type of traumer situation.
I would just not say anything. Thats pretty mean.
Did you lie or just not correct her when she viewed this guy as her father? Tell her ‘real’ Dad was mean and using yuk stuff ‘drugs’ that made his mind weird so you had to leave with her to protect her when she was 6 months old. You don’t even know where he is now. You loved this current man and he accepted her too. That you don’t know why he is being so mean now. BUT you and she will do something special that day when the others go. Then she can boast about how much fun she had with you. I would worry though about the other 2 if he is doing drugs. What is he filling their minds with? He is a horrid person in my opinion to do this to her while he is probably trying to hurt you.
Tell her the truth at this age. Just make sure she is loved and that’s all you can do.
Now is the time to be honest, yes you should have been honest at the start but it’s better late then never- sit down and talk kids understand more than what they get credit for