Kourtney Shaw this…
Rejection is the worst for children . My children’s father (my ex) has nothing to do with any of the kids . He’s rejected them for years it’s so hard on the kids it creates such mental health issues for these kids . I don’t need to tell the whole story but all I can tell you is just be there for your child it’s going to be tough get some counselling for your child as well . It will help . Just love them . It’s a heartbreaking situation.
He is a horrible person. Hug her extra tight.
Well now that the ex has let it out of the bag confess up. I Am sure I will get backlash for this but truth be told I feel as young as she was he was her father. So I don’t see the harm in it
Now she is older so just let her know you was waiting till she was older to understand. Please let her know it’s not her fault. That they both did somethings that was stupid on their part. But that she is very loved no matter what. She is going to wonder why two dad’s walked away from her. She is old enough to tell her the truth on that as well. She needs to know that it is not her. It’s them. Hang in there you two will work through it.
First, he’s a horrible person. Second, possibly look into getting her into counseling, she’s going to have a lot to process.
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What’s sad is you left her believe that he was You now have to explain to her the truth. Add hes a complete ass hole for being this way
You need to be honest with her, she will also need to see a counselor because what he has done is very hurtful. When the other kids go to his house I would plan some special activities with her so that she’s not dwelling on the rejection. And work on building trust because now she’s also going to feel like you deceived her.
Maybe next time …dont get involved so quick with another man (.6 months) .spend sometime just raising your children …
Show them you can be stronge and independent
It seems kinda reckless to keep having men come into childrens life …let them play daddy …
Because. They may leave and then your in this situation…
It takes a special man to raise another mans children and call them their own…
Yes it happens…again takes a special man…
Just my opinion…
Im sure not everyone will agree with this …
The truth the best she can handle is my best advice…stay strong you’ve got this!!
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Omg I’m soo sorry that is sooo ignorant it shouldnt matter if she is his or not he treated her like a daughter and it should’ve stayed that way I am sooo sorry you and your littles are going through that
Explain in a way that doesn’t attack him as a person. She still feels like he’s her dad. If you can see if you can talk to him and see if he would consider her feelings too
One thing her being upset you’ve split with 'her dad" as she has believed and he probably allowed her to call him all these years but for him to be so cruel as to not only tell her that but to exclude all of a sudden, that is the mark of a real ass. The other two are her siblings, even if only half.
That’s horrible!!! Just be honest w her. She needs to be able to trust you, you’re all she has. Also, sounds like you repeated the same thing w man #2. Learn from this and don’t do a number 3 w the same drugs etc issues. Focus on your kids and yourself. Think ahead. Take good care. It will be ok! You aren’t the first person this happened to. Just be strong. Good things are coming.
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This is very sad I have 4 kids that I raised I love them like my own they know they’re dads but they call me dad best feeling in the world
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Have a talk with him. Regardless of how he feels about you and the way y’all split, she’s just a little girl, not old enough to understand and there’s no reason and no excuse good enough to hurt her like that at this age.
How can someone do this to a child … just to get back at her mother … the creep should be hung by his balls til they dry up & fall off … scum of the earth !!!
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I’m so sorry for the turmoil. I would just keep flooding your daughter with positivity! 
I went through a similar (not exactly but similar) situation.
Explain the basics (yes he’s chosen to leave, no it’s not her fault, yes he’s chosen no to see her, no that’s definitely not her fault, it’s on him) then turn daddy days that her siblings go to his into positives for her. It’s mummy and daughter 1:2:1 time. Arrange activities to do that make her feel like she isn’t missing out. It doesn’t need to be expensive trips out. It could be including her in things/teaching her at home that you couldn’t geberally because the siblings are there and needing mummy’s attention. For example I began teaching my son to cook/sew/he began helping to decorate. I had the time and patience to teach him because his younger sister was out with her dad.
It’s a crappy situation, I fully empathise. But you are her constant, she knows she has your love no matter what. You will both be fine 
xxx
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He is a c U next Tuesday !!! For purposfully brutally emotionally hurting her !!! Being selfish just wanting to hurt you thru the child!!! A gutless coward asshole. No wonder you’re leaving him!!!
Now you must just explain her the truth. And loads of reassurance that YOU are number 1 supporter of her.
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Wow what a scumbag. Poor baby
Tell her the truth.She may not understand completely right now but as time goes.on you will always remember what you told her when its the truth.It isnt anybody elses fault about her bio except.him so just tell her.
He sounds like a scuzzbag! I wouldn’t want my daughter around him!! Just love her with all your heart and keep her away from this toxic person!!
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This is why not every fella in people’s lives shouldn’t be daddy to children … messes with the kids . When the relationship goes sour of course most of them will walk away not their responsibility is it
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This has been double posted so I’ll say the same advise on this one that I gave on the first one.
I’d keep all 3 away from him until court ordered otherwise. You split up because of drugs, and he is hurting one of your 3 children emotionally, how do you know he isnt doing it to the other 2? Keep them safe until court orders you to allow him visitation with them, and when you are in court explain to them the damage he is doing to your 7 year old. Dont let her brother and sister go without her anymore until its legally necessary. Do everything you can to protect all 3 of your babies.
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Perfect example of why children should never be lied to about who their real parents are. Explain to her in the nicest way you can and ask if she would like to reach out to her real dad
Tell her the truth! She deserves it and one day even though she has been saddened by this she will be ok raise her in the way she should go in the Lord and her siblings and GOD will mend her heart and lift her up
Time for the truth. He is a spiteful jerk to treat that child so poorly. He has been her father for all these years and now his mean streak comes out. You need to explain about her bio dad. Keep it as simple as possible. Then move on to your history with the jerk and tell you don’t understand why he is acting this way and that you never had reason to question his love for her in the past. It did he treat her differently then his 2 bio kids with you. I think the other kids need to be part of that conversation but that is up to you. Good luck. Just my opinion and may not be his you want to handle thinks .
You have to sit her down and tell her the truth. Let her be mad. Let her ask questions. I’ve been through this, in her position. Be very careful if she wishes to reach out to bio family members. Do not lie to her and do not put prejudicial thoughts in her mind of bio dad and his side of the family.
I would have not let my child think that he was her Dad in the first place. Its wrong simple!!
He needs a throat punch.
I’m sorry but when I came home from the adoption home my adopted parents told me what was up. I’m not saying he isnt a pos but at the same time you should have told her so if this happened she could be more understanding know it’s not her fault and not be confused. In the long run it’s better. Just be honest
I hate to see you go through this but I think he is not a man he is not a father he is nothing to hurt a child because you and him ain’t together
It is so sad that adults can be so inconsiderate, childish and selfish. When I was younger, I used to think that adults had it together. It is a rude awakening that this just isn’t so. Your baby is better off not being a part of that mans life. Tell her the truth and explain to her that is not how real men act.
Can’t fix stupid. You need to love her and try to fix his ignorance
He sounds like a real POS. There is no reason for him to hurt a child like that whether it’s his or not. I think I would think twice before letting him see the other two much
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well sounds to me like this is going to beabout money and revenge… he wont take her cuz the judge will make him pay, snd of course the best way to get back at mom is to punish the child… i suggest u get some counceling for u and ALL your kids, cuz it will eventully effect the relationship between her and the other 2 children…I wish u all well.
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I agree with the others. Its a tough situation but i think being honest with her is the best way to go. Remind her she will always have you and how loved she is. I’m sorry you have to go thru this. Sending prayers.
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I was 8 when my mom got divorced from the person I thought was my dad and then found my original birth certificate…my advice even though she is only7 tell her the truth …it’s better than her feeling betrayed and like she did something wrong
I dont like the way he did it, but she had a right to know.
You can’t fix this mama. Just love your baby and let her know she will always be enough.
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I feel so bad for your daughter. This is why I believe in ALWAYS being honest with our children. Relationships with adults can change. We don’t get to “create make believe” lives. We have to live and raise our children in reality, even when it’s hard. Eventually the truth ALWAYS comes out.
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What a JERK!!! I would sit her down and tell her the truth. It’s horrible for her, no child deserves this treatment especially from a father figure since she was a baby. I would also give him a piece of my mind and re-think any of my kids spending time with a drug user. He is a shitty person.
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He is a real piece of work, I feel soo bad for your baby. Alls you can do mom is tell her the whole truth so that she can begin healing and an explanation that he has been her only father since birth. She will wanna know about the sperm donor so be prepared to answer those questions as well.
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So so sorry for your daughter what a terrible thing for an adult to do. This happened to me when I was about 8 or 9, I didn’t understand but I saw the tears in mom’s eyes the next year my mom was killed in a car crash. I would say just let her ask you questions be honest and let her know you love her and be careful bringing anyone in her life. I hope you and your daughter can heal and try to be aware of how she may deal with this in the future. Just be honest and be a good mom.
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Stopped reading at he is telling her he isn’t her real dad my oldest grand daughter came into my life at six my son and her mom broke up he is still daddy and I am nana
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So sorry hope things get better for you
That was a big mistake not telling her from the start.
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He should have talked to you first if he didnt want to claim her anymore so you could find the best way to tell her. Please dont beat yourself up. Shes 7 not 17 its not as if you let her go her whole full life without telling her… Shes barely begun and hasnt matured enough for that conversation to be had randomly… So of course you djdnt just sit her down some Tuesday afternoon and say hey by the way this aint your bio dad 🤷 im sure you dkdnt plan on breaking up and im sure you would have had the conversation at a later time when she was older and it came up anything before 10 I feel like the convo doesnt need to happen unless something happens and causes it to be necessary. I wish i had ANY advice but i dont… Just of course give her all the love and support you can and maybe get her in to see a counselor when the other two are at dads 🤷 i saw a counselor after a hard time in my life and it made the transition much better and it might help her before she develops any harboring feelings that may become detrimental who knows and sometimes insurance covers it! But it can help her gain the confidence and the skills to get through this chapter in life that is shitty she has to go through at all xoxo
That’s terrible! I dated a guy who had 4 kids 2 with EW #1 and 2 woth soon to be EX #2. Soon to be EW #2 had twp other kids with two other men. Yea …one of those. Anyway her other two gas been calling him dad since babies. Tbe girl knew who her father was the younger boy did not. When they ere getting divorced abd we started seeing each other ( divorce took forever) he started seeing his two sometime bc I wanted them to come over. Ove day the other girl came. Agree was like 4 or 5. He told her not to call him daddy he’s not her dad to call him by his name. That was a terrible moment for her.
This breaks my heart!! 
He shouldn’t treat her any different than his biological children!! He stepped up to raise her along with you when you got together and he should continue doing so!! Please let your daughter know that she is loved very much and when she asks about her biological dad just tell her that you two decide it was best to not be together any longer without going into detail!! I can’t believe that man would hurt your daughter like by turning his back on her!!! It makes me want to cry!!! I pray that he will change and continue to accept her as his own child just as he does the other two!! Just keep reassuring your daughter that it’s not her fault she did nothing wrong and is loved very much!! Good luck and lots of prayers for you and your daughter. 
He sounds like an a hole.
Ouch oh my heart goes out to you and your sweet girl that is rough
I don’t like violence, but you need to find someone to beat his ass. He’s a punk for that one. I hope your little is ok, maybe therapy could help? It’s hard for them to understand at this age
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Your poor daughter! You should try not being a liar it really helps avoid unnecessary heartache. Also,I hope you’ve learned you’re terrible at picking partners and playing house so maybe focus on your kids and get your daughter and yourself some counseling.
You are her parent and it was your responsibility to tell your child long before today. Now she will suffer because you wanted to pretend her real Dad was someone else. She will have mental and emotional anguish because of your actions and because of the actions of the man who pretended to be her Dad. SHAME. ON. YOU. BOTH! That poor baby has to pay the price for your ignorance and you cannot make it better. People like you need to learn how to stop playing ownership games with other people’s lives. I dont give a crap if you did birth her. You are as equally to blame as the man in this story as you were a willing accomplice. Now your daughter has to learn about being a “half” and about men and women who take away half of a child’s identity because they dont want to own up to the mistake THEY make of having sex with what turns out to be a “bad” person so they try to wipe that person away. You can’t wipe away a child’s mother or father. It is still and will always be, a part of what makes them who they are, and who they will become. Shame on you both.
Just tell her the truth he was your father when things were good for him and now he’s a useless piece of crap and mommy’s thankful you are actually not related to this pondscum
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read 
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Praying for your daughter. This is so unfair to her.
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Praying and maybe counseling would help. So heartbroken when kids are involved. Stay strong momma!!!
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Oh my what a piece of shit 
I’d just sit her down & tell her that he isnt her birth daddy like the other 2 but that means she has more time with you & when they do go maybe you 2 do something together
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That man is a bastard
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What a jackass. I’m so sorry your daughter is going thru this. I wish i had some words of wisdom. Shame on him.
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My best advice is to just be honest with her, and try to do special things with her when the other kids are with their dad and just remind her all the time that you love her and her siblings love her
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Holy fuck what a pos. Wish they dropped names because if anyone deserves some wrath from the facebookkies it’s him.
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I had this happen to me when I was her age. It messed me up bad. I had to have extensive therapy. Prayers for you and your little girl. My heart breaks for y’all.
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I wouldn’t tell her you lied to her. I would just let her know you did what was best for her. That you don’t know where bio dad is. That you can’t control what ex step dad is now doing. That you feel horrible about it. That all you can do is try to make her happy. Go do girl things when the other kids are gone with dad. Get your nails done, go to a movie or somthing. Make the time alone with her special. I feel so bad for you! 
hope you get it smoothed out!
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Awful, that poor child. Why didn’t you tell her before now?
Tell her the truth. Even then, she won’t completely understand. Just make sure you embed in her that she is loved, loving, lovable. I would cut contact off between them, because he hurt her feelings purposely knowing it’ll hurt you more.
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well, you got some explaining to do!
If he has drug issues he shouldn’t be taking the other two either. He’s sounds like a selfish jackass. Tell her the truth and keep your kids safe. So sorry she has to hear the truth.
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Wow. I don’t know that I have any real good advice. Do your best to explain to your daughter that the word father does not necessarily mean biological. And that for all intents and purposes he is her father. What he’s doing right now is on him. He’s sick. He’s not doing well. That doesn’t make what’s going on right but in my opinion as a therapist maybe your best bet is to explain it that way and that he’s just made some choices that got him where he is now. When he snaps out of this if he snaps out of this he’s going to be very sorry that he did this to his daughter
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Wow! 
That poor child. 
Anybody can be a father. It takes a special man to be a daddy. So it really shouldn’t matter. But that’s just my opinion.
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Remind her that in a world full of ugly she is beautiful. You’ll only be able to distract for so long. She clearly sees and feels what is happening. All you can do is apologize and validate her feelings. Try and do fun only you 2 stuff on the days her siblings leave.
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Some things/people just suck.Get her and you into countseling.Keep him away from her.
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Cant believe he took it out on a seven year old child, how fucking cruel!! Be honest and give her more than enough love that she doesnt need that asshole in her life
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Hes a POS!! No one should ever tell a kid that and deny them to b w their siblings if u raised this child as yours b4!! Your gonna have 2 an mom and daughter special days on the weekends her siblings go w thier dad…somthing just 4 u and her 2 make her and u connect , feel e tra special.
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My heart just broke How could you do that to a baby you raised as your own for 7 years???
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I’ve got a better question.
Why are you allowing your children to be in the care of someone you know is using drugs?
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Best thing is to be truthful to her ,be there for her…she might act out for a while out of hurt and anger… try to do mommy daughter things together… I’ve been in her shoes and it’s soul crushing that young…and my daughter just went through this last year… my ex raised her from 5 yo… to 18 and desided he wasn’t her father anymore bcus we got divorced… he’s the one that raised her and was there for her and now he completely changed … no matter the age it will hurt … but the biggest thing that’ll help is be there for her and do one on one things with her… my heart is with you and her…
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What a jerk! I’m so sorry. Tell her the truth. Tell her because he’s angry with you he’s taking in out on her. Tell her adults are sometimes mean to each other and kids get hurt in the process.
Now, petty me, would tell him if they all can’t go together none of them are going but 
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Sounds like you need family counseling ASAP
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I’m so sad. I know someone who has raised a child that was from a previous relationship and they didn’t and still do not know as an adult that it isn’t their bio dad. Even when the mother and him split, both children were always his to him. I just can’t get over someone doing that
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I would tell her the truth! Be there for her and let her know it will all be ok. We don’t need him anyways! What a sick pos he is. If he is still on drugs NONE of them should be with him anyways. He’d have to fight me 1000% through the courts for ever even using so much as a drug of any kind. I wouldn’t trust him one bit with any of my kids.
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Sometimes the truth is the best option. Explain to her how he became her “dad” and why he isn’t anymore. It’s shitty on his part but kids understand more than they let on.
And everyone is criticizing her for letting the kids go with the dad - if it is court ordered, she can not deny it. Beyond her saying he is on drugs, the courts need proof otherwise they don’t care. It’s sad but true.
You can’t control what other people do, only what you do. And if you know for certain this man is using drugs, then talking to your daughter is the last privilege he should have anyway. Be honest be compassionate and be firm. Let life work itself out.
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Pos for taking it out on a 7yo. And i wouldnt be letting him take the other 2 if hes doing drugs. just love her. validate her feeling. all the more you can really do
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What a piece of shit he is…its ok honey karma bites
He is a monster for shutting her out like that…if he loved her then, he should love her still
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Kick him in the balls. Nvm, let me do it.
Be honest and Counseling.
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This is so sad, Tell her the truth now , While she is still young , And i think she would be in danger with him ,And if he is still doing drugs so are your other children, Just so sad.
Tell her the truth and stick to facts only. No bashing him or bio dad. If you stick to just facts, you’ll be able to answer her directly. Also, remind her how much you love her and apologize for keeping this secret from her and that you only did it because you were protecting her and didn’t want her to get have her feelings hurt. Make sure to let her know that she can come to you anytime if she has any more questions. Let her know that the door is always open. Just my opinion though.
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Why are you letting your children’s father or not be around someone that uses drugs and on top of that. Maybe you should pick better men… a man will always show you in the first stages of a relationship what hes really like if you pay attention and don’t ignore the red the flags. My adivce. DO BETTER for yours kids sake and your own.
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People make me sick to deliberately hurt a child because he’s mad at you is the topical male if all were exsepide while you are together then all of them should go he is an ass hole.a women can love any body’s kids course that is a mother’s feelings a man isn’t the same
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What a loser! It will be best she knows the truth, coming from you. It’s sad, but she will have to grow up mentally sooner than you’d want to. Still let her know that she is loved and doesn’t make her any different for not having a father.
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All you can do is talk to her and tell her the truth,This is one reason I truly believe you should not lie to your children about their father,Cause you never know what’s gonna happen in the future’!
I have a daughter from previous. I made it clear at the beginning if your dad you will always be dad. Say some shit like that and I will fuck you over 10fold.
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What kind of mom lets her kids go to someones house that is using drugs…dad or not. Make better choices. You both sound like you could use a parenting class and counseling for kids.
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The Sandcastles Way book is a wealth of info to help children process their emotions from divorce if counseling is not an option. What you don’t want is her internalizing this experience and later impacting her life choices in a negative way. It may be of value to read one of Patricia Evans books to understand psychological abuse.