I split from my SO (daughters step dad) and he is now telling my 7-year-old he isn't her dad: Advice?

You should have never lied in the first place because he’s not her dad. sit her down and tell her the truth. its so sad :cry: but it’s a harsh reality.

5 Likes

Uhm that’s cruel. My daughter knows.my husband as dad as well. Doesn’t know her bio. Husband came in the picture when my 4 year old was 10 months and that’s all she knows . This is one of my fears if we were to ever split. He doesn’t seem like he’d do that but who knows.
I really have no advice but to maybe try to talk to your ex and tell him he’s hurting his daughter.

2 Likes

First of all its not ok to allow your child to grow up believing another man is the father thats were the problem starts…now look what a mess you the parent has created that child’s heart is broken because of something you allowed to happen…

5 Likes

2 men and both them had drug issues, you bought this shit all on yourself and now your daughter is having to deal with your mistakes. Maybe you should explain to your daughter why you keep dating these kind of men.

7 Likes

This is awful! You have to tell her the truth unfortunately, and stay away from drug addicts…He’s a obvious piece of shit, and I would make his fuckn life MISERABLE in anyway I can JUST becuz he’s doing this to this innocent baby! :rage::rage::rage::rage::rage::rage:

Be careful of YOUR choice’s…And above all … ALWAYS be honest with the kid’s… age appropriately of course. Explain to her what has happened & make it something special between you two…

Sit down and tell her the truth. And I would get some type of court order or SOMETHING because if he can do and say something like that to a little girl that he watched grow, what else is he saying to the other 2. In my opinion no father is better than a mentally abusive one who what does drugs? I’d explain it to them all. So they ALL understand. And for all of you saying it was her fault? Y’all are fucking horrible. It’s not her fault he decided to do drugs and leave. You guys don’t know the entire story. Do I believe you need to just sit back and not have a relationship for a while? Yes, but she did what was right at the time to make her child feel loved. But for him to tell this small child that is fucking gross.

4 Likes

Should have told her the truth in the first place! Now tell her the truth!

Oh honey… dont none of them kids need to be going if he is using drugs! So many things could happen.

4 Likes

I’m sorry that people are being so judgemental and rude to u in these comments first of all. One of my friends is going through a similar situation. She had two kids with a man that eventually turned into a domestic violence situation and she took the kids and left. To get back at him she dated his best friend who she ended up falling in love with, marrying and having two more kids with. The older two knew that wasn’t their “real dad” but he treated them as if they were his own until several years later they divorced over similar issues as u are describing in your situation. It’s a really tough situation and i wish I had some amazing advice for u but this may be a situation that u have to figure out what is the best move from here for your family and what u tell your daughter in the future. kids are pretty resilient and my friends kids cried every time their siblings got to go with their dad and they didn’t understand why they couldn’t or why he didn’t want him anymore. Just learn from it and try to move on the best u can. I just want u to know u are not alone and there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Just try to do better for u and your kids in the future.

7 Likes

Wow he is an asshole

5 Likes

He’s an ass for doing that. But I would never tell my kid someone is their dad that really isn’t. Idc if he was there from day one at a young age. Bc when something like this happens, that child is going to be the main one hurting.

2 Likes

I can ubderstand this and in no way think its selfish parenting. Theyre kids we dont want to smack this kind of reality in their face. An im sure the dad who has always been there. Wasnt saying this in the beginning of the relationship. In my opinion he sounds selfish. If you can still claim your kids but say oh shes not mine so i dobt wanna see her.
Dude that is the lowest blow ever an to purposely do that to a child. Bringing her in the mess like that.
I dont wanna make it a pick sides deal. But he didnt have to go off and tell a 7 year old that. Things she shouldnt even be brought in.
Fact is the person she called dad an he allowed to let it go on that he is dad. He showed a child what the heartache out here really is. An it sucks cause its another reason we grow up and learn how truly ugly things are.
Im not blaming him for telling her. Or you for keeping that from her. But the fact is the adult is the adult. An no child should be pulled into confrontation like this.

2 Likes

Stay away from ANYTHING to do with drugs.

Be honest with her. Kids are smart but they’ll only take in what they can handle. So be completely honest and answer any and all questions she may have. Tell her you will always be there and your quite capable of being her dad and mom good luck

1 Like

punch his face…hard…no seriously that sucks :frowning: hes a total ass for doing this to her, yea you shouldnt have lied BUT there is no need for him to be acting like that toward her, she has done nothing to him so to take the seperation out on her…she dont need that kind of crap in her life anyway she is better off staying away from his disgusting lowlife ass

Shouldn’t of lied. But that’s water under the bridge. He’s a mean person to hurt a little like that. God saw him do this…and God don’t like ugly. But you need open honest communication with daughter.

1 Like

You don’t. This is a job for professionals. I would only trust a therapist to handle this one.

1 Like

Have you asked him if this is because he doesn’t want to be held accountable financially? It may be worth the conversation.

Why dont you stop trying to date and spend more time with your daughter. She is more important than any man! You should have told her the truth rom the moment she was able to understand, now she is going to be the one suffering. Stay away from men for a good while and try to comfort your daughter.

1 Like

Well… you were the one that lied to her in the first place. He at least is telling the truth. You both suck and poor little girl is the one that suffers for it.

Tell her the truth about her bio dad and apologize to her for lying.

3 Likes

If he is on drugs, I wouldn’t send any of the kids with him. I’m sorry you’re going through this! Biological or not, that man is her father.

1 Like

He is a dirt ball. I wouldn’t explain anything to her right now. I know it sounds harsh. But she is still so small, hes already robbed some of her innocence. I would just tell her she is smart, loved, and beautiful. That sometimes adults make silly decisions, but those decisions have nothing to do with her. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but this is an adult situation that she shouldn’t concern herself with. It’s never good when one parent talks about another parent especially in an ill manner. It will be tough for awhile, but you will know when shes old enough to understand the truth.

What immature move and very heartbreaking move on his part😢 You really should have been honest from the start. Just my opinion. I have 4 children who’s father I was with for 18years. I have a 4month old who’s father I’ve been with almost two. She will grow up knowing that her and her siblings don’t have the same father by blood, but they are full brothers and sisters. Her siblings are of age to know their sisters father is not their biological father. So sorry to hear this I hope things get better for you❤️

1 Like

I would keep all the kids away from him if hes on drugs.

3 Likes

Honestly the best thing to do is sit down and explain everything to her if she doesn’t understand then try again in a few years

You fucked up by lying dont lie to your kids about where they come from they will find out, all you can do now is take her to therapy she’s probably sad and doesnt understand why he’s ditching her

3 Likes

First question- if he’s on drugs why is he getting ANY unsupervised visitation with ANY child?!
Second- why not tell your daughter the truth? Yes she’s young, but she will need to know the truth sooner or later. Sooner would be better IMO. The truth about him not being her bio father is all she needs to be told. Adult business is adult business.

3 Likes

What a fucking asshole! He doesn’t deserve you’re little girl💗

2 Likes

Definitely not a real man. He’s being petty and vindictive because you don’t want him, so he’s hurting you by hurting your child. She’s better off without him. I would also make sure that the appropriate people know about the drug issues and not send any of them with him until it’s been addressed. Good luck

5 Likes

You need to be honest.

1 Like

How could someone do this to a child?
Wow.
This is the most heartbreaking thing ive ever heard😭

6 Likes

The result of drugs didn’t learn your lesson in the first place now stop complaining about it .let him be the father figure and the man of the house. You had a chance to prove it you blew it .

4 Likes

That’s what liers are you lied he didn’t. He’s telling her the truth that what you should of done in the first place. Guys can act how they want to. He’s being honest. The Pearson that called him garbage hast to be trash there selves. Do the right thing just be honest and it will be right. That’s what you should as a parent nd a human. It’s easy to call people out of there names. But when you are honest low life people that doesn’t understand the concept of truth will try and put people down. He’s being honest she’s not his.

He is a cruel person. He may not of been genetically her dad but emotionally he was. What a piece of sh** he is to do that to his little girl.

You need to sit her down and explain. If this “man” of your ex wants to play that game, he never accepted her in the beginning. It’s going to hurt like hell for her because technically, he doesn’t have to see her and sounds like he doesn’t want too. Explain to her, hold her and spend extra time with her during this difficult time.

Wish you the best, and know she’ll learn once she grows and understands what he was exactly.

Although he is telli,g the truth six years he also led her to believe he was her dad shame on him it is not her fault that is not how to love

1 Like

You’ve definitely made a huge mistake not being honest from the start but regardless of that she would of been hurt either way if he was her father figure and then chose to have nothing to do with her but she seen he still wanted his bio kids.

1st if he’s on drugs then no kids should be with him till he’s clean.

2nd You need to be honest about her. No trash talk just tell her that bio father wasn’t able to be a dad and her step father is making some bad choices and angry at you but unfortunately taking it out on her.

3rd nd you need to get her into counseling to help her deal with the abandonment and grief, it’s going to be a long road and she will need as much support as possible.

4th Spend time with her and let her feel what she needs too.

5th If you are going to still let him take the other kids then she shouldnt be around to see pick ups and drop offs because that is just cruel.

6th let her teachers know what is going on as she might act out at school which is very common.

3 Likes

He is so wrong she is his daughter but unfortunately he is angry for now keep her away from him he is just hurting her to get back at you so you have to protect her from him until he comes to his senses . I am sorry this is happening to you and your little girl

Whether you had stayed together or not, The lie that he was her bio father was a ticking time bomb, And though his actions are cruel, You are both at fault for creating a situation where she could be put in this situation to begin with.
I feel terribly for your daughter, And I think a family counselor may help her understand and move forward, As well as lots of support from you, And I urge you to not allow this man back in her life regardless of how well you may get along in the future, I also suggest you call in some services (dhhs to start) to ensure your children you allow him to have are safe, You said he uses drugs … So understandably it’s concerning that you send them off with him, You should know that if something happens to them under his care due to this and it’s shown that you knew the risk, You will be held legally accountable and potentially have all children removed from your care … Just some food for thought.

At least she knows, now she can focus on living her life with you

Omg that’s awful. What a horrible person.

Wow. And here we are again, witnessing people blaming the mother. Not the guy who chose to raise the wee girl as his own!
I don’t exactly know when you’d sit a small child down and say “btw, see that guy over there that you call dad, well he ain’t your dad!!” :roll_eyes::thinking::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
The woman asked for advice, not a public bashing!

1 Like

There is nothing you can do to stop this from hurting her. Tell her the truth now. The longer you wait the harder it will be. If he is on drugs you need to get him out of the lives of your other children as well.

Sorry but what a douche bag he is!!! Why I’m scared to let anyone into my life…not only worried I’ll get hurt…but I cant bare the thought of my babies loving or attached attached to someone if that happens.