My husband and I argue almost every weekend, and it always ends up with him telling me to leave and why haven’t I left yet then he tells me not to go and he didn’t mean it like that. He thinks that because I’m a woman I should do all the housework and take care of our two kids, their toddlers, he thinks there should never be toys on the floor and I should always pack him lunch while I’m getting the kids ready to go to daycare in the morning before we go to work, we both work full time, I really don’t know why I haven’t just left yet, but I feel like a big part of it is I don’t want to put my kids thru all that and confuse them. Thoughts?
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I always say if you want to leave eventually you will so you might as well do it now while the kids are resilient … good luck mama, you deserve happiness no matter what … sending love xo
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Don’t stay for the kids darlin! They will be so much happier seeing mama in a better space! And you will too! Life is way too short to be stuck in a relationship where you are miserable! 
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It can only get worse. Try marriage counseling 1st. If he does not want to at least try, leave. He needs to help out too.
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A relationship should be 100%/100%.
I’d suggest counseling before divorce. You have a family and life together.
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Fuck ALL of that. He needs to go home to his mommy.
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If you are bringing in half the income, he can do half the other work.
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Girl, make him leave!!! Flip the switch on him !!!
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Sounds just like my exhusband ugh you’re better off going
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You both work full time then you both participate with kids/cleaning. What respect 
wow I’m sorry ur going through that
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Leave so he knows what it is to take care of the kids full time! Take it as a vacation and you might like been alone and not taking care of a grown ass man! The only person you are responsible for is your kids but he should be taking care of himself and his needs!
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Personally, This makes me angry. As a woman who works full time also, your husband is basically saying ‘me and my job is far more important than your job and I’m not man enough to help around the house’. Who does he think he is? Did his parents never teach him to wash, clean and cook his own meals? Why is it automatically your job? Because you have a vagina? Maybe he should try being an adult and leave him to it for a bit. My feelings are that his mysonginistic entitlement thinking that it’s a woman’s job to do these things is ingrained and you’re unlikely to change his outdated beliefs. Time to cook and clean for yourself sister, take your vagina and your kids and get the hell out of there.
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Sounds like you’re the one who keeps that household running, I’d tell him to pack his bags and kiss my ass.
No way you’re going to be the one to move out with your two young children. #byehubby #dontletthedoorhityouonthewayout
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I waited 5 years to make it work with my baby daddy. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time. Kids are resilient. Just leave and love the shit outta your kids.
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Ask yourself if you are teaching your kids right by them seeing and hearing all that?
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It is better for kids to be in a happy home
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I honestly believe in fixing something rather then throwing it all away. My husband and i have been married for 12 years and we have had our share of fights… Lots of it honestly but i think you should try counseling also i like someone suggested leaving him so he knows what you do all the time. Over the weekend if you can just leave and leave the kids with him. Don’t feel guilty. Take a vacation and leave him with the kids so he can see it from your perspective.
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Haven’t you considered hiring a househelp? You can’t divorce because of housework unless there’s more. This one has options.
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Honestly. In today’s world, their are countless resources for situations like this. If you leave (which you should) you will have the ability to make it and to help adjust your kiddos. In my opinion, this is an inevitable outcome for most families. It doesn’t mean its wrong or bad, it just happens, to alot of people.
If you’re working just as much as him then cleaning house and taking care of the kids is both y’all’s job. Also he can make his own damn lunch.
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Therapy. It’s worth a try.
You can offer to do everything he’s asking if you can stay at home and he can still provide you with all of your wants and needs like they did in the 50s. You should get an allowance, he can buy you the newest clothes every season and get your hair and nails done when you want. Throw in an occasional girls night. If he can do all of these things then you will take on the roll of a 50s housewife.
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I’d kick him out and file for child support. This isnt 1950 anymore. Tf dude.
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LEAVE and show those kids how to stand up for themselves! Show your kids what a HAPPY mom looks like!
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So you think what you’re currently putting your kids through is better? It’s not. It’s actually worse. You’re teaching them arguing and fighting is the way life should be. You’re teaching them that you in your role come second to your husband. It’s time to leave. He changes his mind when he realizes he’s hurt your feelings. That was his goal. Then he thinks about everything he will need to do for himself, and he talks you into staying. At least for 5 days till it starts all over again. Time to go.
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No offense. I’m tired of these pitty parties. It’s the mom life uncensored right?
Be the mom for fuc#s sake. Put your big girl panties on.
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Kick his butt out!! Why put you and the kids through such turmoil every day? Kids know take care of yourself and then he can move out. That’s also considered emotional and verbal abuse. Maybe a counselor can help you figure out what is best for you and your children.
I’m certainly not an expert!!
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Why is it u leave. Tell him to be a man pack his shit and leave. Why should u uproot your kids for him.
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Better to put them through a divorce and be happy than continue to put them through the unhappiness and fighting going on now. Will your husband consider marriage counselling?
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You pretty much know the answer!
Should always fight for your marriage and especially when kids are involved. He’s not cheating, on drugs or alcoholic, is a hard worker . So sounds like he I’d just being a jerk and maybe you just need counseling. Or he needs to know this is serious. Does he do all the out side chores , trash yard work etc. Cause it works both ways I don’t want to do that so I clean the house and he takes care of the outside chores . Ans I don’t do his lunch he wants lunch he has to make his own , I wash clothes and fold but he puts away and matches his socks . It works for us . Married 19 years together 23 raised 6 kids
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Stop doing things for him. Let him pack his own lunch, do his own laundry, let the dishes pile up. Only do for you and your children, maybe then he’ll get the picture. I let some of my house “chores” fall so my husband can see how hard it is to work, take care of a 1 year old and go to school. Wish you the best!
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I’d rather my kids see me leave and stand up for myself than them think it’s ok to be treated like a fucking doormat!!
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He needs to put in the work just the same as you! You’re a team. Maybe therapy before you leave if you love each other
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Lmfao. That old lifestyle was when only the men worked. Women took care of the home cuz they were with a provider. If both of you have to provide then both of you have to contribute to the home or hes over working you.
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Its better to leave now then when they’re older. My parents divorced three years ago and it was easier for my then five year old brother then it was on me and my two older siblings. None of my siblings really talk anymore because of it. Also they need to see you happy and not being dragged down even if it is by their dad.
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Leave and take your kids with you. He sounds toxic and it may only get worse. Your children dont deserve to have you guys always fighting.
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This is a big decision. So I would suggest sitting down and thinking about it. If it really seems like the right decision. Then try to talk to him calmly. I know anger can take over but try to be calm and tell him the truth. Take the high ground. And no matter what you decide, I pray you find happiness.
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Unpopular opinion. You should take care of each other. We both work. I pack his lunch every day. I do most of the house work, while he does care for our son I have to leave him detailed lists. In return he doesn’t give me any kind of shit about anything. 🤷 If you’re arguing with him because you think you do too much and be does too little… then you have to find a compromise or leave…
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Seek help, Marriage365 on Instagram is wonderful
It’s ultimately your choice, only you know what is tolerable in your life. I am going through a divorce for everything you have mentioned and more. I think you should try marriage counseling if you haven’t already. I suggest research the stages of divorce, maybe listen to a podcast. Divorce is also very expensive especially if you have children and assets so you’ll need to be financially ready… I don’t know where you live but my state is a 50/50 custody state unless he will give you full custody, if you can prove he is unfit or his job is very demanding. Ask yourself can you deal with not seeing your children everyday if that’s the case. If you are 100% done then I don’t think your children will be confused… they will be better off without seeing their parents constantly fighting and unhappy. It’s sad to say but now that my husband and I are getting divorced, he has been a lot more involved in taking care of the kids, cleaning, and taking care of himself.
It sucks but just focus on yourself and your kids. Let you guys cool off then communicate with one another. Keep your head held high mama 
You think you want to leave your husband and you think asking strangers to pump you up so you have the courage and excuse to walk away?? Wow pretty damn sad. My husband and I both work full time and our jobs are really demanding. His might be more physically demanding while mine is more mentally demanding. I cook dinner,clean house, do laundry, run errands, schedule appointments, pick up medications, rush kids back and forth to sport practices and school events, I tend to everything that I can. I absolutely hate seeing toys left out and about if they are not being played with so I pick them up along with any dirty laundry kids have tossed on the floor lol . I want my husband to come home to a clean house, warm meal, and let him have an hour of peace after work because he is physically exhausted. I cater to my husband and family and seldom complain…do you know why that is? Because I love them! I have my moments of being mentally drained but I absolutely love doing everything for my family, I love knowing my kids come to me for questions and answers. I love how happy they all look eating together while I’m standing in the kitchen watching them. I love running them around and watching them grow and our moments of alone time. Even though I hate seeing toys out and p9cking them up I’m blessed that my children play with toys instead of electronics. I love all the mentally draining work I do 24/7 because in 18 years my kids will be grown my husband will be older with more grey hair…if it stays around and then we will have time to relax and breath. I 100% believe it’s the wife and mother who bears the weight of everything and everyone because they are the ones who holds it all together. A home can’t function without them. Don’t get me wrong we have our crazy moments but I try to find the good in everything even the smallest amount of good and home onto that.Try listing all the great things about him even the smallest thing and hold onto that. For better or worse…no one said marriage is easy because it’s a roller coaster and you have to really fight for it.
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This doesnt sound like enough for you to leave over, just communicate more and get on each others level, maybe you could do more and maybe he could do more??
Mental abuse… Not on
If you dont want to cause confusion or stress the children seek therapy. We can’t fix all our problems on our own. If therapy doesn’t help then divorce but don’t make it messy.
Talk to him express yourself and hope he changes and becomes more helpful if not then get some marriage counseling and see if that helps
This ain’t the 50’s honey! Make his ass help you clean! Make him help you pack lunches for himself and the kids! He is PERFECTLY capable of doing so! 
Don’t stay in a relationship if you aren’t happy! PS: If he says it more than once, he means it.
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What do you think you’re putting them now? The vast majority of kids pick up on all that tention, friction, and bickering!
It took 2 to make the kids it takes 2 to raise them. I’d sit down and talk 2 him but if things dont get better leave. Responsibilities manned 2 be split throughout the week so that no one person is overworked all the time.
Leave. A marriage is about equality and respect which he clearly has non of for you. This isn’t the 50s you work too. Bye dude bye! Keep your own damn house now and walk! Take those kids and be good xxx
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You need to TALK to each other. Flip the switch, say to him, get the kids ready make my lunch and clean the house, it’s a partnership you both made those children. You got married for a reason. Talk to each other.
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I’ve always loved this saying for children…
IT’S BETTER TO COME FROM A BROKEN HOME THAN TO LIVE IN ONE.
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If you are serious and want a divorce, don’t leave the house or it automatically becomes his. You can file for divorce from there and your best bet is to file a restraining order forcing him to leave the home
Have you considered marriage counseling? For the sake of your babies do whatever you can to save the relationship .
Take a tou day this weekend. Say I need a mom day and a break and let him deal with it. Until he is in your shoes the he will underappreciated everything you do but when its him that has to do everything it’s a different game. Tell him you expect this to be done and such.
Omg!!! My boyfriend does the SAME thing!! If I have a issue with something he does he’ll say “ so why are you with me” that seems to me that he’s telling me to leave so I’ll say “ your right why am I with you” then he’ll say “if you don’t like how I am you can leave” so I’ll say ok bye I don’t wanna be with you anymore then five minutes later he text me” so it’s really over “ “you just going to leave me like that” I’m so confused and I’m tired of the mind games.
Your already putting your kids through it though!!! They see the pain, they see the fighting, they feel the unhappiness in mommy and daddy
Sometimes it is better for the children to not be around the tension and arguing. Doesn’t set a good example for relationships. I am a firm believer in not staying together for the kids. My brothers and i actually told our parents to separate but we were older. If you are not happy maybe it is time to have those discussions. Maybe some counseling to see if it still can be saved? You have to be happy too so you can be the best mom you can. Happiness is always the first step to leading a good life. I wish you luck and hope maybe he can come to his senses about trying to make you his personal servant. You have two babies more important than his lunch
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You are confusing your kids by teaching them that marriage equals unhappiness. Some men don’t have what it takes to be a family man but they never figure it out til some poor woman bears them a child. Leave before you waste your best years on someone who isn’t helping you anyway.
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Ask him to go to counselling. If he won’t go you will have to leave or your life will be hell and your children will grow up with the wrong idea of what a man is .the other alternative is to not work because he wants you to do two full time jobs.
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He needs to come to the year 2020 instead of staying stuck in 1956.
This honestly sounds like hes a control freak , he expects you to raise the kids make his food and keep the house clean when you are both working jobs outside the home and what does his lazy ass do when he gets home from work ? Honestly imo sounds like you may need to just leave or make him leave for your sake and the children’s
I have a question: Why are people making children with people like this? What did you think after the 1st kid… ohhh, he’s so helpful let’s have another?
He probably wont change so if you want to leave then leave, if you want to stay do it because you want to not for the kids. The kids know your unhappy and the fighting will confuse them more than a separation would. You will still be responsible for your kids and every thing else on your own with or with out him just not responsible for him anymore. You never know might find someone way better?! If not then dont go back to the same shit with another guy.
It took me leaving my husband for almost a year b4 he seen its a 2 person job.
First, take a week away. With your kids. See what happens, sell couple’s counseling. He’s stressed out about something. Or maybe you are. 
It’s a marriage not a friendship. You know why they call it making love? Because you have to make love work. If in the end it’s not working, leave. Don’t put yourself through hell just because you don’t want to confuse your kids. If it’s that bad, your kids will survive. Most kids who have parents who divorce so fine. Some might have to go to counseling. Do whatever you need to make yourself happy and take care of your kids.
Tell him to get out you and your kids are home if you Walk out it will always look bad on you, but it doesn’t sound good for him to just be telling you to get out,. You may need to open doors and look.J/ Saying.
First kids are solid, if the break up is handled properly the kids wont really feel any negatives (that would mean you and the hubby having ground rules like no belittling the other one in front of the kids or within earshot) second ask why you got married to him in the first place then try to pin point where it went south. In '17 my husband and I had a rough patch and planned on divorcing but we sat down and asked ourselves those questions then we worked together to rebuild our marriage. Conversation is key.
You don’t wanna leave because you dont wanna put your kids through that but It’s not doing them any favors going through the fighting every weekend either
Sounds like a lazy ass who you didn’t give birth to, therefore he should wipe his own ass. I’d be outta there. He doesn’t appreciate you, takes you for granted and what… he expects the house to be like a museum… wtf??? You can’t raise happy well adjusted children in that kind of environment. I’m sure you are only skimming the surface of the issues… he sounds like a total control freak… YOU SHOULD XYZ BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I THINK AND I’M ALWAYS RIGHT!!!
Don’t leave without your kids because it could be considered abandonment
I left and the kids me and their dad are feeling and doing so much better .
Have a healthy relationship and routine shared care .
If your doing all the work and working on your own anyway . No point being in a crappy relationship.
All these people that are giving you some advise ( in my opinion ) are right in telling you that you should leave, but a couple of them insinuated that you should leave the children with him so that he would know what its like to work and take care of them. But I coution you on that, think hard before you decide. If the break up is final then he could get custody of them, citing you for abanding them.
Nothing is worth fighting for anymore , if you all can’t communicate and if you both going to continue to take each other for granted then leave!
I know what you are dealing with…
You know exactly what you need to do. Get that woman strength out of yourself, stand up tall, get the kids and do what needs to be done. In all honesty, you can kick him out and get a restraining order to keep him out even if it’s his house. One more thing, when the right man comes around, you will know exactly what love feels like and the kids will know what having a father really feels like. My husband is my son’s step son but my husband loves him like his own and has always taken care of my son better than I can do for him. I’m glad I made the decision years ago to let go of people like your husband.
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Why do it for years and then decide you don’t want to anymore?? That is what he is used to now. He’s spoiled. You did it. Now, you have a decision to make. Think real hard about ALL the things that will be different for you and your kids. Being a single mom is very hard. Is it really worth it? I think there must be more to your story…Do you love him enough to want to stay and work through it? Have you expressed all of this to him in a reasonable way? (Not during an argument) Have you tried asking him for help? Maybe start small. Ask for little things and show great appreciation. Maybe he will want to do more. Good luck.
For the kids sake I would give him a chance to correct. Tell him exactly what you’re telling us. It’s not fair if you both work full time that he doesn’t do 1/2 the work taking care of the kids. And make his lunch what the heck, maybe it’s three kids. Can’t he make a sandwich
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If he is telling you to leave repeatedly, he probably will play the victim when you do. Sounds like his momma didn’t raise him to take care of himself. He probably saw her maintaing home and family and just thinks it’s normal. If he can’t pull his (at least) 50% of responsibility with your family, then you and the kids may very well be better without him.
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I really think you know the answers you seek, you just need others to validate them. You and only you know the entire story. I think tgat communication and understanding is key. If your marriage is over then it’s over but if you are just mad because he offended you and it’s something you can work threw then do that. My advice to everyone always is “never make A permanent decision on a temporary feeling” Good luck ma’ma and I’m praying for you and your family.
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You need to leave and take care of yourself and your children. You do anyway by your post. Any man that thinks that way is not worth staying with. Honestly. I am sure you have discussed dividing things or you would not have posted this. Get out. It is better for the children. Trust me. Praying for you.
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Try to go to marriage counseling. If that isnt an option then you might consider leaving. Fighting and him hurting you emotionally will hurt your kids worse than you leaving. If they see you happy at least they can see happiness.
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That’s not good for them. Maybe seek counseling? But you both work full tome and both should deal with kids and house. It’s a partnership. But if that’s a man that thinks women have a role and a man has a role then you have to choose to ply the role or not. Me personally if it’s my job to tend to kids and house and him pay the bills then I’m leaving or he’s paying it all while I sit my ass at home and tend to my home. Choice is yours . Hope you figure it out hun
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Why don’t you book yourself a 2 day Girl’s trip, leave the kids at home with him with a list of specific instructions on how to do what you do. Don’t make it passive aggressive—just pack a bag and go. Give him a kiss on the cheek and bring home souvenirs. I’ll bet when you get home he’ll have some appreciation for ya!
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I’d leave. No way I’d put up with that mess. Husband and wife are a team. It’s his house too, they’re his kids too. He should be doing just as much work as you are. I can’t stand it when men think this way.
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I always advocate for counseling. It was a last straw thing for us and I honestly feel like it saved us. Married 10 years now and stronger than ever
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From experience don’t put kids thru it. Had I know then what I know now, I would of left sooner. Yes I love my husband dearly but due to ya arguing, my son moved out instead of staying home to go to college(college is 30min from house). My other 2 kids are feeling same way. I have asked him numerous times to fix the problem and attend counseling but “He” has to be willing to change. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t change him.
Do what YOU think is best for you and the kids. Only You know the answer. If you think he will attend counseling then fix it for the kids sake.
You both have to work together as a team.
Sounds like you both need counceling. .hubby needs to share the work load at the house …especially since you are working full time as well. Just bexause you were born a female doesnt automatically relegate you the house work .he lives there too. He needs to get off the me tarzan you jane vine and help .
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You didn’t mention whether you love him or not! If you love each other it can be worked out. He’s asking too much of you and you must plan a morning schedule that involves you both. Don’t leave for these reasons.
You’ll only be your best mom when you’re happy! Talk about it - do some counseling if you can - but we don’t live in the 50’s anymore 
do all you can and then move on !! It takes two !!
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No way, ask him to seek counseling and if he refuse then tell him to be separate . Take a break not divorce, maybe he can change.
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That’s emotional abuse. No one should ever talk to someone like that. Also, domestic tasks and raising a family is BOTH of your jobs. Don’t ever put up with that. Ever!
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A marriage is 100/100 if one of you aren’t putting in the effort than its never going to work out. … It’s not the 50s anymore . There’s a perfect song you can blare as soon as he walks in the door -i ain’t your mama-jennifer Lopez
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Having an adult, calm conversation about division of household responsibilities could help this. IF he’s willing to listen and cooperate with a plan agreed to. But that means you’ve got to listen too.
Lmao… stay or go… you choose… you left out cooking breakfast… making lunch for the kids… cooking dinner.
I did all that…if y’all argue… well that happens…if he does not treat you badly… you are just complaining.
Leave if you stay your telling your kids its ok to be disrespected and emotionally abused
As far as your kids go… it’s better to be FROM a broken home than to LIVE IN one! You teach people how to treat you and you are saying to both him and your children that this is acceptable behavior!
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See you getting treated like that by their father is setting a bad example for them for the future.
Leave him…
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That’s a stupid reason to stay with someone you don’t love and you’re teaching your kids it’s acceptable for men to treat women like that.
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