I have been in your shoes. Please don’t take your child’s safety into question. If you doubt a parent is doing what’s best for their child and their state of mind is compromised (especially with a history to prove it) then please go to the courts and request that drug testing is part of a parenting agreement for a portion of time. A parent with a history of drug abuse should be asked to proved that they have changed. My ex said he changed but has violated probation 7 times, gone to prison for 2 yrs and after got a DUI, DV case and agg stocking case. He is a violent offender and hasn’t changed
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I skipped “dad” and read “my three year olds skipping probation” and boy was I intrigued
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Always protect your child
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If you’re not already a member, join Narc-Anon or Al-Anon for support.
Get the court to order drug testing or supervised visits.
Given that you’ve been through this with your mom, you’re likely right, and discussing it with the dad will only result in denials and arguments. Do ask him if there’s anything you can do to support him in his struggle to stay clean and sober.
Get counseling to ensure you work through your childhood trauma and avoid being attracted to people with addiction issues as friends or partners.
I’m so sorry about what you had to live through and the situation with your baby daddy. Enjoy your sweet little one and your life. 
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Definitely bring it up. Get him help, if not don’t compromise your daughter’s safety
You can’t just take your kid because of feelings. Be an adult and figure it out. Unless she’s in for sure danger, that’s being just spiteful
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Think and proof are two different things. If you have proof then go to court with it.
I told my son’s dad that I would never keep his son from him as long as he has his best interest in mind. And that it would be best to just stay away if and when he was using! He didn’t have to say anything to me and I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it! Well his wife called me one night saying he had left and that my son went looking for him. My 5 year old walked down the street at midnight looking for his dad. Needless to say I was there asap to pick up my son and when I saw his dad walking up in the dark I chased him down the street swinging a crowbar at him the whole time. He spent the next month apologizing profusely. But the next time he decided to use he did as I asked him too! My son didn’t see his dad for over a year and but when he got clean again he did everything in his power to rebuild the bond between them again. Communication is important and stick to what you say. The baby daddy will make his decision either way but atleast you will know your child is safe!
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He’s not violating probation if he’s no longer on it. In many states you have to have proof to withhold visitation. If I were you I’d get proof before making trouble.
Well u can’t just stop visitation. You do sound bitter. U will be held in contempt and jail time for yourself. Ur concerned go to court or cal cps. If ur not with him stop trying to control him! What he does on his time is his business not yours! As long as ur little one is safe !! My ex and my husband are both addicts they WOULD NEVER LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THEIR KIDS!!!
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If he’s off probation he’s not violating probation… If he’s just smoking a little weed leave it be. Its not harming anyone. If its harder stuff keep baby away
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Corpus delicti - no victim = no crime.
The justice system traumatized people more than it improves the community. Especially since the governments are corporations and money is the goal. Violating parole does not mean your kid is unsafe with him.
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And “bad” is an opinion. Let him live his life like you’re able to live yours. You’re not his keeper.
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Technically if he’s off probation he can’t violate his probation. If he’s messing up then talk to him about it. It depends on what you mean. If it’s drugs then yeah I wouldn’t let your 3 year old over there without other adult supervision.
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In a situation like this, if you suspect there is reason your daughter could be in harms way, you could file for emergency custody modification. Most courts will hear the concerns rather quickly. I do not advise just keeping her from him without filing. Usually papers for custody modification have the option the check the emergency box, meaning that you feel your child could be potentially in harms way, with areas to document your concerns.
Also, it appears to be confused about his terms, but he is no longer on probation. There is nothing you can do if he is off probation, really.
If you have genuine concern that he is using with your child present, you could call child services and have them check on the circumstances at his place, too. I have never had to call on my children’s father, but when he was found to be using, they certainly reached out to me to make it clear he could not see them until further notice as it would be putting my children at risk, although he wasn’t involved in their lives, anyways.
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You have a reason to be worried. I hate seeing these comments about mind your business. That’s stupid. If he is doing illegal things while your child is there then it’s your business. If he gets caught while your daughter is there then social services gets involved. Any adult who thinks that the risk is worth it needs to grow up and stop giving horrible advice that could cost you your child. You let the dad know if he is doing drugs then he lost his right to see that child. No drug is more important then your kid. If it’s legal then fine go ahead but if it ain’t grow the hell up.
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If you think there is a safety concern, do follow the proper procedure for figuring that out and keeping the child safe.
A parents rights are not more important than a child’s safety.
But you cant deprive him of rights based on a feeling. He can believe your being bitter all he wants, but you do have a right to know if your child is with someone slipping back into criminal/illegal activities. Talk to whoever you need to to have this concern looked into.
He can’t violate probation if he isn’t on probation. Unless you have proof then don’t hurt your child by keeping him away, because that’s not right. Assumptions and feelings aren’t facts, and they certainly don’t fly in court. You never mentioned that you think your child is in danger, so I think starting drama is unnecessary over nothing factual.
Take him to court. If you have proof. If he has the child with him while he does illegal activity she could get hurt or taken into child protective services custody. I honestly wouldn’t let her go near him. Document everything and contact a lawyer.
Can’t do anything if you “think “ he is doing something bad…. Evidence and Court orders
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I’d be worried I don’t blame you. It’s scary! That’s your baby! You hear these crazy stories all the time… I wouldn’t let my child go with someone ANYONE if you think they’re on drugs. Hard drugs obviously we’re talking about right?
Who cares if he thinks your being spiteful you have to think of your daughter’s safety first. It is your job to protect her If you know what you know imagine how’d you feel if something happened to her over there.
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Is she actually endangered or is it just your opinion that what ever he is doing is bad? With your vague post I can only assume. And if he is off probation then he can’t violate probation.
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All I gotta say is kids safety first and for most.
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I would not let my kid around drugs. Period. If you’re court ordered to- call in a welfare check when he has your kid.
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If this is about weed please just mind your own as long as your kids safe never mind what his dad’s doing
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You can’t stop him seeing his child because you “think” and have no proof.
Also Whu “confront”. What ever happened to honest and healthy communication?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my 3 year olds dad is violating his probation: Advice?
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You are very vague about what you think your ex is doing. You need professional advice on this as laws are different in all states you can either speak to an attorney or someone at child protective services…every state has those.
If he is off probation then he has completed his “punishment” for that offense. In most states if you report to the police that you THINK someone is braking the law or you FEEL your child is in danger they will tell you that until something actually happens ( God forbid) there is nothing they can do because no crime was committed. They can’t act on your feelings or assumptions. I know this because I went through it myself. If you file a complaint with Child Protective Services they will send someone to investigate your report. It is all confidential. They can’t tell anyone who filed the complaint. You don’t even have to give them your name when you call. In my opinion the laws in many state do not protect women and children because until someone gets hurt or something bad happens there is nothing you can do. But please, get professional help ASAP. You will hear a lot of stories and OPINIONS here. You need to know where you stand and what you can do to protect your child and the only one who can advise you of that is a professional.
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Your first priority is your child, if you have a gut feeling he’s not doing right, then let him think what he wants, but protect your baby from harm. May need supervised visits.
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We had two different child deaths in our area with a child being with a parent with issues when they should not be allowed to be with them unsupervised. Do not hesitate to protect your child by water ever means available. Child services, probation officer, judge etc. HIS BEHAVIOR HIS CONSEQUENCES NOT YOURS.
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I would be very concerned if my 3 yrs age child was being care for by someone like that in fact I’m surprised the authorities have let this happen because they must know if he has an addiction, he may be the child’s father but the child must come first safety is the main key here.
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If it affects your child’s health and safety, then you are morally obligated as her mother to do everything in your power to protect her.
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Your responsibility is to your child but do it right and get legal advice. You can only do what the court orders. Don’t make it tough on yourself by making misguided decisions.
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I say protect the children at all costs.
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If you are not really sure if he is using something when he is around his child you might want to consider supervising his visit. Maybe take her to the park or some other public place activity so you can monitor his behavior. I would definitely not let my child be alone even with their father if I thought my child’s safety was in danger especially if he has to drive with her in the car. If after you do a supervised visit and you feel he is using for sure I would talk to an attorney or call cps and open an investigation. This does mean you are going to have to confront him and let him know that you feel like he is using and that you do not feel that your child is safe with him. He may not agree to prove a drug screening for you that is why you need someone who can help you legally force him to prove he is not on anything. He may get mad at you but your daughter’s safety is what’s important. Good luck and I hope things work out for you and your family. 
It doesn’t matter what he thinks or anyone else. Your child needs to come above it all so if you think something is up then document everything and take it to the police for sure
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you have no control over what your child’s father does , but you do have control your reaction to what he does … if you continue to expose your child to that type of behavior… both of you will loose your rights to have custody or visitation .
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Your daughter is always your first priority I had the almost the same happen I warned him to stop or I would stop the visits he continued so the visits stoped it’s been almost a year and he’s would rather do bad then do better for his child so I think my decision was the best no child should have to deal with the parents bad decisions
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Seek professional advice, so you know where you stand legally
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You need more then just thinking, you need proof. Then take him to court. Many years ago my husband has this problem and a lawyer told him he needed proof and pictures wouldn’t count because that would be invasion of privacy.
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First off all don’t make a move by i think it could back fire on you and result in you or both of you not having you child .Find a way to get proof and act on it but move fast .
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What you need to think about is your child. You’re not being spiteful, you’re not causing drama. You are protecting your child. If you need to report it, report it. If you need to confront him, then confront him. Whatever it takes. If you are court-ordered to share custody and you have your suspicions about what he’s doing, then contact your lawyer, his probation officer, and the police. You cannot under any circumstances take any risks when it comes to your child.
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If you know its a bad enviroment for your kid… then get your child out of it!!!
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Do you have any proof.
If it impacts the child I understand your concern.
If it doesn’t then it’s none of your business
Trying to control your ex is nasty.
It’s better to have someone mad at you than to have a dead child. Do what you have to do to protect her.
First off he obviously ain’t that bad off if he’s able to complete his probation it’s hard for people that are straight to do probation and actually complete it so give him credit for that and that shows he’s obviously not that fucked up
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Talk to a lawyer and see if you can get the custody / visitation orders to include drug test… In the mean time see if he is amendable enough to have visits at your house or a neutral area. Everyone suggestions to call the police the best you will get from that is a welfare check. If he isn’t on active probation the police can’t just go check his house and arrest him on the possibility.
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If you think that he is doing drugs you can report him anonymously to the police department or to drug enforcement or to the hotline in your area
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Well you put this on Facebook so if he is doing anything wrong you won’t have to worry he will be locked back up
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First things first you guys are partners in the fact that you’re coparents at one point there was live and there was a friendship between you and I need to focus on that and come to him as a friend and as a coparent and started off with how much you both love your child and see what’s going on with him what you can do to help and voice your concerns and see what you guys can come up with that’s what good coparents deal
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Don’t let her go over there if you can help it. If you have to take her, start meeting in public with him. Casually. Like, "hey you know what would be fun…let’s go to the park (or whatever). Otherwise…leave it alone and let the universe work it out. If he is violating his probation…they’ll catch on soon enough.
Edit…I had another thought. You may not even have to worry too much about it. The higher he gets, the less he will insist he sees her. Just the nature of the beast, unfortunately. Everything else goes to the side.
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Get an attorney ASAP. Our family is going through the same type of issue. 
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Shhhhhh act quickly and tell probation officer quietly… u can’t keep her from him without a scene,
And would be forced to let her go by law…
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You have every right. It’s your child. You do right by her. You need to protect her. I did it with my oldest daughter’s father for many, many year’s.
There was many times I refused for her to go with him if I thought he was using again or drinking.
I was the bitch, the bad guy, etc… but I didn’t care. His entire family hated me and told me I was keeping her from him but I wasn’t. I told him he could see her at our home or I would meet him locally at a park. He refused. So that was on him and I have no guilt.
I know I did the right thing all those years.
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Tell him you want drug test before she goes over there. If he won’t agree go to court and tell the judge you want mandatory drug testing every time he goes to pick her up
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Is your child safe when she is with him?? That’s the question!
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Well definitely don’t allow your daughter over there if he’s into stuff. She’s your first priority and your job is to keep her safe.
He can give up his parental rights. It’s worth it to pay the price. I did.
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That little girl needs her daddy in her life do you know what happens two kids when they don’t have a father in their life unless he has shown to be a responsible please don’t rip her from his life just because he may or may not have an addiction that doesn’t make him not care or love is a daughter
Your child’s safety and welfare come first!
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Your first obligation is to your child…If you put her at risk, then you are the bad parent, not him…
Your first priority is your child if you are suspicious then no way should she gomaybe supervised visits but first and foremost your child at all times
If ur talking about smoking marijuana I wouldn’t freak out about that but anything else I would be careful letting her be around and if he is smoking pot around her that’s not good either
Your first and only concern is uour babies safety and well being…ask his probation officer to have him take a random drug test as youre concerned for your childs safety
I don’t understand if he’s off probation then he’s not violating any probation
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Don’t let your daughter go to a house where the law is being broken
Your child comes 1st do what needs to be done.
If you’re talking about weed, don’t be a Karen. If it’s anything harder, do what you need to do for your children’s safety.
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If your asking you already know the answer and decision you need to make.
When you say “he’s doing bad stuff” I assume you mean drugs. Doesn’t he have a drug testing provision in his probation?
If you are considering withholding visitation, I’m assuming there’s no court order. In that case I would definitely not send a three year old into a dubious situation. If I were you I’d find a way to move out of state as far from the situation as possible.
You can unanimously call the police?
Follow your gut , if it feels wrong keep her with you , don’t let her go
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Protect your child at all costs
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If he’s not on probation, he’s not violating probation.
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Contact his probation officer and stay out of the way.
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Child COMES FIRST
YOU HAVE TO SPEAK FOR
HER
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Talk to his former Probation Officer and tell him) her your concerns.
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Trust your gut. Keep your child safe!
You would be at fault in court if you refused visits. Contact his probation officer.
The courts made it mandatory visitation.
Call his probation officer and let them know.
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Go with your gut.if you feel the need to speak do it dont let this get to you.youll feel better
Call his PO and tell him you suspect he is on that dope again
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Talk to him first. Cause you do seem spiteful
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It is your job to protect your child and keep this child out of harm’s way. If you think he is doing something illegal turn him in.
If it puts ur child at risk something needs to be said
So you don’t wanna let your kid see their father because he smokes weed? Wtf. As long as he doesn’t do it in front of them, sometimes people need marijuana so that they don’t use the harder stuff. Yes you are making a big deal over nothing.
What if he’s caught doing when kids are there. Can they be taken away .?
Drugs destroy brains…people do horrible things to the people they love. This is a little mean but I was told this once so I’m sorry. “You want live with pissing somebody off or go to a funeral”.
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If you are divorced, go to the courts . If not and you weren’t married, of course. keep her away. Hell I would move away. I mean that I really would. He’s a drug user . They are unpredictable !
If a person is on probation, don’t they have a probation officer? Isn’t it the POs job to make sure he is straight?
If mom has proof of a violation, maybe the cops should be called. But if Baby momma has suspicions, that should be enough for a PO to do a visit or demand a urine drop. The PO should be her answer.
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I suspect your talking about him smoking weed the way ypu worded this. We all know generally weed isnt an issue… except he has a history of bad decisions. So its less about the smoke snd more about his history of addiction and poor choices. Sucks fot him but he put himself there. If ypu got a bad feeling trust your gut
First off if he’s off probation he isn’t violating anything. Once off you’re off. I’ll tell you this as an addict in recovery… drug use or drug getting doesn’t stop just cause kids are around so if you think he’s using proceed with caution. If he’s using cannabis medically then it shouldn’t be an issue( me just assuming this is the other thing he’s doing)
Addiction is a life long disease and jail apparently wasn’t helpful. He is your childrens father and for your childs sake, finding a way to discuss your concerns for his welfare and his importance to your child may be a start in him addressing his need for recovery. Hate the sin, not the sinner
Get it all detailed in your parenting order. A paralegal can help. Who can and cant be at his residence when your daughter is there. Where he can and cant take her. Who he can and cant visit while she is with him. If you dont have specific names just sat a person reputed to dealing and using illegal substances. Get it filed and served. Then have the conversation. In a neutral place, best with a court mediator. Dont do that " I dont want to be accused of creating drama" those are words a gaslighter threw at you. You are simply looking after your daughter’s safety, no big deal. You could care less what he does when shes isnt with him. If he has any common sense he will appreciate it. Get the court involved for your safety. Dont let anyone discourage you from taking care of this with dismissive, minimizing gaslighting bs. Just calmly do it.
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I would talk to him calmly and explain your concerns, if he get angry and defensive then he’s hiding something. But when you do confront him make sure your daughter isn’t there. Maybe talk to him over coffee or something. Just tell him your concerned. If that doesn’t work don’t let your daughter go with him. She is most important, as the other people commenting said. Good Luck!!
Has a court ordered that he has visitation rights? If yes, then you need to file your concern with social services so they can investigate. You could also let his probation officer know that you are concerned. If he has no court ordered visitation rights then you do not have to allow your daughter to go with him. You can control the visits and make sure they are supervised. Please be sure of what your legal rights are with regard to visitation. Good luck.
DO NOT confront him. If you belive he is doing bad stuff again…CALL THE COPS.
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if he’s off probation then he cant be in violation.