Is my child scared to poop? I have a four-year-old daughter that lives primarily with her grandmother (my mom). I have every other weekend with her; the weekends I do not have her, she spends Friday night only at her dad’s. She’s been potty trained for two years now and has never had a problem going to the bathroom until now. She had a rough couple of days of having diarrhea and wasn’t very happy, but it wasn’t a huge problem. Now she refuses entirely to go to poop. She says she can’t believe that it hurts; she won’t even TRY. She won’t eat or drink anything because she knows it will make her have to go, and she’s scared to. My mother and I can’t help but thinking something happened over her stay with her dad. This has never been close to a problem up until this past week; the doctor and therapy are already in progress to be sure of anything she could be trying to not tell us, just looking for any extra advice or insight. I’m just wondering if any other moms have experienced something similar and how they handled it or what the outcome was. I’m really hoping she just constipated and being super dramatic, but for a four-year-old that only sees me every other week and constantly has to call me throughout the week because she misses me, she didn’t even want to spend the weekend with me. She just cried that she missed her grandma from the moment I got here until I brought her home. She’s literally TERRIFIED to even attempt going potty, and she won’t say anything to anyone other than that she misses (insert whichever family member she isn’t currently with, mommy or grandma) Am I in mama bear mode overthinking and being worried? And besides juice and high fiber, how can I try to help a scared little one have an easier time on the potty?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my child is scared to poop: Advice?
Sounds like her bum is sore from diarrhea and she’s scared pooping from here on out will hurt. I wouldn’t assume something bad happened with her dad, that’s a horrible and serious accusation. 4 year olds go through a lot of emotions and they all sound Normal to me.
Miralax. My son just went through stool withholding due to having a painful bowel movement once. He refused to go poop and it got so bad that he only went two-three times a week. By second week of using miralax he doesn’t try to hold it in and no issues at all anymore.
Try some pedialight to hydrate her always really good after a bought of diarrhea to
My daughter has severe kidney and constipation issues since she was very little. Sometimes she would hold it in for days and make herself constipated then it would hurt when she finally did go, which would make her scared to go again. Insert a nasty circle of not going then it hurting when she finally and it scaring her into not going again. It is very hard as a mom to see them suffering but what I did was just be there for her, sit in bathroom with her when she wanted and held her hand, we also did miralax per her Dr advice
Sounds like a normal fear after a bout of the squirts.
Why assume something about her Dad kids go thru things… Seems she wants her Grandma… Whole diarrhea business must of scared her.
Unless you have reason to believe the worst case scenario with the dad, I would assume raw buns from the diarrhea. Try diaper rash cream…even though she’s not in diapers anymore. And the prune juice in the baby food section. My kids went through a phase of not wanting to go either, but figured out that it hurt worse to hold it in.
This is normal after having diarrhea n nothing to do with dads n you guys just jumping to the worst thought … and of course she wants her primary caregiver when she doesn’t feel good cause that’s her comfort n protector right there n who’s there for her 24/7.
I’d be sure to add a little bit of probiotics or something of the sort to her diet while she is dealing with this. Holding it in will cause big problems and then she will really be hurting. Bathroom problems can be traumatizing for anyone. Wishing her and you the best
Try miralax. It won’t upset her stomach. It will just add the fluids she needs if she is constipated. Just mix with a small amount of warm liquid and then add to her favorite drink. She won’t know it is in there.
We just went through that last week. My daughter was constipated and had a very large painful poop. After that she refused to go and held it in and kept saying “bummy hurts” the doctor prescribed us some miralax to make her stool soft and easier to pass. It took a couple bowel movements before she felt comfortable going again without crying. She was also very clingy to me at this time and didn’t want to go to her dads or visit her grandma. I wouldn’t assume anything happened unless you have proof. She’s probably just not feeling well and wants to be where she’s comfortable
MiraLAX works wonders. My daughter had constipation issues when she was younger…she’s five now. We gave her MiraLAX and we use fiber gummies. It’s made a huge difference!
It’s definitely normal my son did the same when he would have diarrhea or constipation
I feel like this is normal, she’s probably not 100% better from being sick and a little sore from diarrhea for so long and maybe constipated. Don’t always just assume the worst happened
My son did that when be was younger. It caused a huge blockage and diarrhea would seep out around the blockage without him knowing it and he would have accidents. Dr prescribed Miralax before it was available over the counter. It worked wonders. It’s colorless, flavorless and can be mixed with any drink. He held it in because he didn’t want to miss out on play time. Kids have reasons for doing it but it definitely needs dealt with or will become a much bigger problem later on.
Most kids go through that after having diarrhea. Totally normal. Blaming dad is a huge accusation. Most likely due to the spout of diarrhea. She’s definitely going to want her primary caregiver.
I had that happen to me
She has pooped her pants at daycare Nd they made her clean it up. Scarred her for along time
A small box of raisins helps lo I Sen the stool.
Take her to the doctor.
She’s had a fright from the diarrhoea. Seems dramatic to jump straight to dad did something and to therapy. Just give small interventions like nappy rash cream, prune juice and gentle clear explanation about how they will work. She trusts you and the more you talk to her the easier it will become.
If she’s had diarrhea her bottom could be raw and hurts when she goes
Get her to her pediatrician. She could potentially have a food allergy or sensitivity that is causing digestive upset that causes pain when she has a bowel movement. Get it checked out to rule out medical causes.
Just here to say don’t feel bad about assuming something happened at her dads because when children are fine one minute and then come back COMPLETELY DIFFERENT yeah I WOULD be concerned as a parent. Everyone should be.
My daughter went through a phase like this but with peeing on herself because she didn’t want to miss playing. But she NEVER just kept stating that she only wanted to be around me (primary care giver) it her dad (secondary parent)
I would ask her if something happened to her while she went away. I would continue with making the appointments with the therapist as well as the dr just to double check.
I’m just here to say that your feelings ARE VALID and is better to assume than to not and something is missed. She could have had an accident and was yelled at or spanked or embarrassed. All that affects a child.
Also, continue speaking to her. Letting her know that she can tell you anything. Even if she just didn’t want to go because her butt hurts. Thank you for not ignoring your child btw. I don’t put NOTHING past anybody. Always get a drs opinion as well. Hope you get to the bottom of this
You need to have her see Dr asap she won’t like the enema the hospital is going to do when she becomes impacted and her bowels get infected she could have ibs get her on probiotics
Check see if her anal area is red it may really hurt in use gasoline ALOt and keep applying
You have every right to be worried. Pooping for a child of that age is different. And battling diarrhea would make the rear end sore. But what’s puzzling me is being so scared to eat or drink. Is her rear end that sore? If so, definitely get her looked at. She’s way to small to just totally stop eating or drinking. That’s gonna cause other issues.
My son wouldn’t for the longest time, because one time he went and it hurt so he was scared, she will grow out of it, it just takes time
My son had the extreme end of it and held it so long he got an obstruction and had to have enemas and an ng tube to get it out. After that he wouldn’t hold it because he didn’t want to go back and do that again. He is now on a daily probiotic and dose of miralax
She might be a lil sore and raw from the diarrhea
This is completely normal I highly doubt anything happened at her Dads house. Cut down or cut out dairy for her especially if she drinks a lot of milk and juice. This happened to my daughter she had an anal fissure when she was around the same age we had to take her to the ER. Now we give her miralax and the most helpful thing is to make sure they are eating healthy foods a lot of fruit and veggies. My kid hates veggies so I give her these green goodness smoothies it’s apple flavored and she loves them! If your kid doesn’t like that flavor try strawberry banana or try all of them! If she drinks those every day she will go to the bathroom easily and not have any issues. It’s completely normal for them to be afraid to use the potty especially if it hurts. Sometimes if my daughter is constipated I let her use my old phone to play games or watch YouTube videos and it helps a lot to give them warm baths with bakingsoda and or epsom salt too! Put some cream on her butt as well and when she wakes up in the morning put a little dab of lube on her butt to help keep things lubricated the pediatricians at the hospital told me all of this. Read online too especially when you are worried about scary stuff happening online do your research so you don’t let your mind wander! There is usually an explanation for everything. Totally normal for her to miss you and her Grandma when they are away from you too! Just be positive about her visits with her Dad and be friendly with her Dad in front of her especially and she will feel better about going there!
My daughter deals with constipation and was scared to use the bathroom because it would hurt her. Once she wouldn’t go for so long she got impacted and started having diarrhea type stool and she was going on herself because she couldn’t control the stool that was seeping out from around the impaction. Now she is doing alot better after the dr prescribed her miralax daily. I would highly suggest getting her to the doctor asap
See her pediatrician. My daughter has stomach problems and was forcing herself to not poop too because it hurt really bad, her dr told us to give her miralax.
My daughter did the same exact thing, except she is with my literally 24/7, I’m a stay at home Mom and don’t get much time away from them. Always watch and don’t feel like your just in momma bear mode, always be extra and look out for your babies. But I’d also try not to worry yourself too much cause it is pretty normal. My son when he was younger (3-4 at the time) , he had to go to the doctor one time and they check his temperature in his bum, then he went on to tell everybody the story of how “the aliens abducted him and put a red light in his butt etc etc” Also with me the majority of the time, the only thing he ever came in contact with was a thermometer and I’m not sure where he even learned that aliens did that lol. Kids are crazy man.
My daughter was like that and she was backed up. They had to give her an enema to help.
Try these-
Sit them on the toilet in their nappy and let him go with it on. Footstool and small comfy seat will help. When they do it in their nappy, undo and drop into the toilet.
Place a container filled with water and safe dishwashing liquid on the floor of the toilet. Join enough straws together so that they can blow bubbles with the straw and out comes the poo!
He might have a small anal fissure tear which would make it painful. A simple cream from your doctor will help heal it in a few days. Good luck!
I would seek medical attention from her doctor to make sure she doesn’t have some thing medical going on like a blockage etc… I would want a cat scan or. X rays or something to be checked first of all… And sometimes they are able to still go a little but not as they need to… Please seek medical help
Seems like a huge exaggeration and leap on your part. Get a stool softener. Don’t jump to accusations that could ruin someone’s life because your kid doesn’t want to
I seriously doubt anything happens to her at her dads… You don’t even have custody of her so I wouldn’t be throwing accusations around like that. My stepdaughter goes thru this all the time n no way in hell is anything happening to her n she’ll be 5 in August. Get her to the doc and get an answer ffs
She may be constipated, or it could be because she had diarrhea. It may have hurt her bottom. I’d call a doctor, but “something” happening at her dad’s is a big reach. Not saying it not possible, but being scared to poop is a common issue, even for some adults.
Positive attitude and encouragement is Crucial. Never be disapointed that ruins everything.
One of my girls went through a period around 4 or 5 years old where she started pooping her pants after being potty trained for 2+years. She grew out of it within a year. We were frustrated at first and tried to be stern with her. When it didn’t stop, I started telling her it was okay and to tell me when she had to go and I would go with her.
If you can say that about her father then he could say the same about you, You have no right to accuse anyone when the both of you aren’t the ones raising her!!
As a mother with firsthand knowledge of what you are suggesting could be the cause of the problem, dont hesitate to involve a therapist. Even if she isn’t hiding anything, a therapist could help her work through the issue. Yes also consult with dr, get her checked out. I don’t know your story and why your child doesn’t live with you, but mama bear mode is a serious thing! Dont ignore warnings in your head. Better to over react than not react at all.
The direa has made her but sour try using tucks pads or preparation h on her to ease the pain
My girls did this they had trouble once going and it hurt then they don’t want to go. They make colace liquid ask pharmacist to order the liquid for you. It’s a stool softener they use it get used to going easily and eventually you can stop using it
If your mind is wondering which I guess it is to sexual abuse there are numerous behaviors that go along with it. If she is refusing to undress and change her clothes with anyone in the room, and usually that’s including their own mother. If she is swollen and quiet and non talkative, if she cries frequently for no reason whatsoever just from sitting there all on her own then you need to suspect but until a lot of behaviors that go along with it I would not be accusing anyone yet. Those are very serious accusations that the person can’t ever get out from underneath. Even if they’re not found guilty it’s still in their record that it was looked into or investigated or a case was made. Those will always stay connected to the person for the rest of their life even if found innocent of everything. I would get her some nice smelling lotion and tell her that that lotion is to help her bum so it doesn’t hurt when she goes to the bathroom. Let her put some on her hands and see how good it feels and smells. It’s magical cream. You could actually get some preparation h or something of that sort and tell her it is by medicine so she doesn’t have pain when she poops
It is possible she’s scared if it gets to bad lil one whont eat are poop I would let her speak with a Dr are some one else
Who in there right mind jumps to THAT kind of accusation?
3 kids deep and this is totally normal. Every single one of mine at one point has said they were scared to poop. Either they has a tiny bout with constipation then it hurt to go, or painful diarrhea. Anything that hurts makes them fear it will happen again. Just comfort and a warm bath sometimes would help my littles go. We even used miralax with my first and it didn’t really change anything. It was just being gun shy. Prayers she feels better soon!
Fissure?? Super painful. And those comments make me think she has one.
Maybe she doesn’t want to poop cuz diarrhea can hurt and I’ve definitely had instances where I didn’t want to use the bathroom for fear of pain. Seems reasonable if it’s the first time she experienced it she would be weary. Just assuming she was molested cuz she won’t poop is weird, there’s obviously reasons you both don’t have custody it seems like you want something to use against him or you’re really eager to make him the bad guy. She keeps crying for her grandmother because that’s her caretaker and the person she is with the most and you keep trying to make her do something she doesn’t want to do. Tell her soft foods won’t hurt and the. Give her bread and applesauce and maybe ice cream (idk your parenting rules lol) and it’s not like she can hold it forever. I would avoid straight laxatives like some people suggested if her bottom was burning from diarrhea before p that just seems like a way to have that happen again.
I don’t blame you for being worried. My son did this too and I thought the same way about my ex and even the daycare. Turns out he had fallen into the toilet one day and accidentally flushed while he sat in the toilet trying to get out and it scared the hell out of him so he refused to poop. He knew not pooping his pants got him treats but he couldn’t make himself use the toilet. Scary then but kind of a funny story now
Just go to the doctor. Stop being a drama queen and jumping to conclusions.
Did u look for a rash? Weird behaviors come with pain or viruses sometimes it’s there way of dealing. I hope it all works out for the best. I will pray for u guys that it’s not something awful. It’s your job too be overly protective.
My middle, who is now 5, accidentally put too much toilet paper in the potty and it started overflowing. She has a fear of it now which we are working on.
My step son was scared to poop for a while too cuz it hurt. We increased fiber and just encouraged him as much as we could. if you’re scared of another reason I’d bring her in for an evaluation by a doctor…
My 2 yr old is like that she was terrified to go poop after she was constipated and i would go in with her and make funny faces at her while pretending to poop myself and it worked for her ! But i would def get her into a doctor just to make sure nothing else is going on
Maybe it hurt her so much she just doesn’t want 2 go anymore. I know when I go 4 days on end it just starts 2 hurt. Get her some probiotics over the counter and make sure u give her some pedialyte or Gatorade 2 keep from getting dehydrated because that can cause more diarrhea. If its lasted a few says I’d go see a doctor as well 2 make sure she doesn’t have something more serious.
Stool softeners every few days and probiotics everyday. My 5 year old was the same, he refused to go because he was scared it would hurt because he had painful bowl movements in the past. He would literally hold it so long that it would start being in his underwear. Those are the only things that worked. We started a couple weeks ago and he is finally starting to have normal bowl movements and going without holding.
If she refuses to eat, encourage. She will eat eventually. Then, when it comes to potty time, sit her down on the toilet and give books or tablet. Whatever will keep her on the toilet, eventually, it will come out.
43 years ago… I was this child. I almost died. I held it in fir 6 months. I was literally bloated with deadly toxins. Pls get her help quickly. I was a master at hiding it until I vomited feces on the floor of the local Woolworth. I beg you to move quickly.
It may really hurt. After bigger bouts of the poops you can have small tears internally. I’d say try a softener.
My daughter was scared to poop but when she would we started having her say “bye poop” and then she was fine with it
My daughter was scared to poop because it hurt, and for her it did hurt, once she was fully potty trained, it became a mental thing pooping = pain, so she wouldn’t do it. We had to increase water, fiber and add miralax.
Since she’s 4, I’d talk to her pediatrician before I gave her anything. Increase water and add probiotics if the doc says okay.
Stool softener…colace. push any fluid she will drink…the more constipated the harder the stool will get making it much more painful ful to pass.
Put fiber in her drink. My girls went through this and it was the only thing that worked until they are no longer afraid to go
My daughter was scared to poop because it hurt, and for her it did hurt, I had to increase fiber and add miralax to everything that she drank. 2 weeks ago she was hospitalized and underwent a thorough clean out that consisted of a NG tube being inserted so that they were able to pump 10,000 mL of Go Lytly medication to help her poop. I keep getting told it’s a behavioral issue so she will be starting therapy soon
After days of diarrhea her vum is probably sore so it probably hurts to go. Get her some stool softener and encourage lots of fiber rich foods and lots of water
I think that you are scared to admit what you are thinking just get it over with and take her in for a consult! It’s not wrong to talked to your daughter about what areas are. It okay to be touched by anyone and you should tell your daughter her specific parts! Nothing worse then a child saying Nicky touch my bum bum or her lemons! Be specific on your questions!
So i have a daughter that is 4 also. She hated to poop. I literally tried everything with her. I started giving her laxatives. She would hold it in for days. Or not eat because she knows it makes her poop and hated it. Laxatives and a reward after successfully pooping on the potty and not her pull up. While being there encouraging her. Helped enough she got over her fear. So now she runs to the bathroom “Mooom i get two lollipops!!! Ima poop!!!” Lolol it took a few months. But it finally happened!
Oh I’m living the exact situation with my 3 yo.
She just finished potty training some weeks ago. Now she has decided that she won’t do number 2… She holds it for days so number 2 gets HUGE. I mean, gigantic. So it hurts. And she holds it… And everything repeats.
Went to the doctor and she gave us some medicine, she told a us to give her pressed orange juice every morning and that she has to eat more green food and drink more water.
But if you feel suspicious about this new behavior, please, follow your gut and get medical advice as soon as you can.
I was this kid from age 5 until about 13. I held it for weeks at a time; were talking the size of a forearm at some points. I was mortified because each time it got worse, the more scared I was to go. My regimen was fiber, chocolate laxatives, and a loooot of miralax. You can’t taste the miralax so if you can get her to drink something with it, you may have some luck. I also encourage seeking out a doc just to be safe. Go with your gut mama.
Explain to her that she doesn’t want to go to the hospital if she doesn’t poop on her own. It wont be nice going there. Just dont lye to here. Be honest and upfront. Explain everything so she or he can understand it.
Poor baby. I hope she’s ok. Can never trust anyone these days. Better to be safe. Doctor and therapy is the way to go. No child should be afraid to poop. Encourage her and stay with her til she’s comfortable again. Best of luck of mama and grandma.
I’ve been told that’s a very common thing with toddlers and that it can snowball to a big issue. I know a child that has had issues like this for years. You can try the miralax, or a couple sugar free candies.
I know alot of kids that do that, I used miralax, put it in her drink or food
Went thru this with my son, put on toilet backwards within 10-20 minutes after eating…natural body response to food is pooping within that time sitting backwards prevents them from holding it…only had to do this for couple days with my son and he started using it correctly
My little one went through the same thing at 4. I gave her vitamins everyday, which looking back I’m afraid that caused the problem. I finally snuck miralax in her drink & that seemed to help -and- I started giving her only 1 vitamin every other day.
She just does not want to go Joe because the last time it made her stomach or butt hurt. Therapy and doctor consultation seems a little dramatic. She will eventually have to go again and hopefully the next time is normal with no pain
Get the book called
Everybody poops.
Use miralax it helps
Does she have any sensory issues? My youngest withholds her poop until she can’t anymore. It’s a sensory thing for her. We have to give her miralax to keep the poop soft. You don’t want them to develop encopresis.
Have you tried her with a warm bath see if she will go in there ?
My daughter was scared to poop and she had a rare skin condition. It made it much more painful. Look into it and start healthy habits note before it turns chronic
I would take her to the doctors and have them check her out
My cousin refused to go when she was around 4 for a few years. Obviously became very constipated.
But for different reasons than your daughter’s bout with diarrhea. My cousin realized it was her super power ; the adults were always freaking out and talking about it.
My grandson is the same way… I make him sit on the potty until he does… I’ve tried everything so this is what I had left… And he does it.
Love & kindness & your calm supporting presence is the solution to most things that stress us with kids. Because you imagine it doesn’t mean it’s real. Same thing happened with my daughter at that age and she was only with me. It all passed eventually. Kids can really go thru weird phases. It’s not all an emergency. Of course bring it up to the therapist and doctor jic, to be cautious. But then decide to go along with their advice and be calm. That’s all you can do.
Leave the door open when you go and when she goes in. Get a theme potty ring for the toilet and let her sit there while you brush your hair or fix a bath. Make going in and out if the bathroom as normal as going in and out if the kitchen.
Get her the book “everybody poops”
My son who is almost 4 has just recently started doing the same thing. We have him on miralax daily (in his juice at lunch) to help soften his poop. He would refuse to go for days and then be constipated and have big hard stools so the miralax helps keeps it soft enough so it doesnt hurt to come out. Our peds said that one hard painful poop can cause this to happen and then it can take sometimes over 6 months to forget about it. Soo just takes time. I hope it gets better I know its so hard to watch when they used to go just fine. But i would also bring it up to therapy and dr. Just in case. I pray that it nothing more but these days its a scary world.
If you suspect something happened at dad’s, you should take her to the doctor to be seen. It might be traumatic for her to go through an exam though. On the other hand, I recently discovered a milk allergy. It gave me horrible diarrhea so painful I would cry when I had to go as a 40 year old woman. So bad I tried to hold it in too. Maybe she’s experiencing something similar.
Its not uncommon for them to do this when they’ve had a painful poop experience (ie. Diarrhea) some laxatives so it doesn’t build up but just low doses so she doesn’t get diarrhea again. Try not to push too hard about it, just be casual about it and tell her you trust her to know when she’s ready. That would be my advice I am a paediatric nurse that also works in child protection.