At what point do you realize it’s PTSD, depression, ADHD, or narcissism? I’m at a loss. I’ve been married for almost four years now. In the beginning, when my husband and I were dating and the first nine months of our marriage, it was long distance due to his job. He was so charming; he knew the hell I’d been through in previous relationships and vowed to be different. He promised me the world, and honestly, I fell for it. Fast forward to moving in together, and honestly, it’s been hell. He can’t communicate. I have to walk on eggshells constantly. I can say the simplest thing as it could potentially set him off. Then there’s no talking once he’s been set off. It’s the silent treatment. He says it’s to “punish me” because he knows I would rather talk things out. He has a problem with alcohol. It makes him really aggressive and means. He says it’s not a problem though, that he could quit if he wanted. He has no will power though; he knows his limits and will even say I’m not going past this amount etc because I don’t want to be mean to you, but it’s like he can’t stop himself. Once he starts, he loses all control. He cuts me down every single day whether it’s about my weight, me being a bad mom, the house, my personality, my family etc I wait on him hand and foot always have, he will even tell you this, but he says that doesn’t make someone a good spouse. He threatens to punch me and throw me out of windows over really small things, but he’s never done anything physical except push me and throw things at me. Mostly just yells, screams cuts me down, etc I have never met anyone who can say the meanest vilest things he comes to with and feel zero remorse. I wonder often how he is even human. He’s a monster, yet he thinks he’s an incredible person. You can’t mention anything to him as he automatically will turn his faults to you. He shifts the blame immediately. Nothing is ever his fault. Anyhow, I could go on and on. But he said he would seek help so he went to a doctor and he said they said it was just ADHD and gave him so medicine. It’s been a month now, and I can’t see the medication has done a single thing for him. Does any of this sound like ADHD? Everything I read says narcissism, but when I mention it, he flies off the handle. Is there a cure for that? I love my husband, and I know he’s obviously struggling with some serious under demons, and I don’t want to give up on my marriage. Forever, for better or worse, in sickness and in health? And I know he’s sick mentally, and I want to help him, I’m willing to do anything to help him, but I cannot survive this forever.
Sounds like an asshole to me… leave.
Sounds like you need to get out before he hurts you worse. It’s never gonna change. Run while you still can.
He’s abusive. Not ADHD.
Also an alcholic. Pretty disgusting.
Get out, nothing will improve.
Mental illness isnt an excuse to be abusive. 
You should be out of that unhealthy “relationship” already.
He sounds like a nasty controlling twat & your seeing past that because you love him & are married to him, he will never change
Run while you can before you know it he will strip you of everything that makes you a person
Not to mention if he’s behaving like this in front of your children you can soon expect that behavior from them children learn what they live
LEAVE!!! Why stay after the insults and pushing!!! Run far far away!!!
First of all, NEVER BELIEVE WORDS. Actions girl, gotta see that shit to believe it. Second of all, leave. I know it’s simpler said than done but it has to be done. Don’t waste your life trying to put a name to his bullshit because it’s just that! Bullshit!! Don’t try to diagnose it, you won’t be able to do anything after that anyways. Just get out
There is no cure for narcissism. He may have other issues that can be fixed, but you will always be in a high maintenance relationship if you stay with him. You can’t fix him and you shouldn’t have to.
I would go ahead and leave. It will not get any better. And unless there are children involved, cut all communication with him off. If you dont all he will do is try to suck you back into the toxic relationship with false promises. If he wanted to change, he would have already. He doesnt see a problem with his actions and probably doesnt care which is why he is still acting this way.
Regardless of what it is…if he doesn’t treat you right, none of the above is a legitimate excuse. Leave if he’s going to treat you like that
Sounds like narcissism. What’s the medication? Did you research it and see what it’s used to treat?
Leave it’s not gonna change
It’s definitely Narcissism.
Narcissist mixed with alcohol = my life…
And no they can’t and won’t change
Why haven’t you left?
Why do you tolerate this treatment?
How would you advise a close female if she were in such a relationship???
He displays heavy traits of a narcissist.
I speak from experience because your story is similar to what mine was. My sons dad was an alcoholic and a narcissist. It was a fairytale in the beginning. He’d swoon me with words and expensive gifts. He paid attention to everything I said and made me feel like he was different. Once we moved in together, it changed.
I realized that there was a problem, but I didn’t know what it was. He would flirt with girls in front of me and say I’m being crazy when I confront him about it, he would block me from everything when we would fight and then come home drunk, he would make me feel so small, and like I was worthless. I did everything I could to make him happy. Pretty much like a wife, but we weren’t married.
He promised to get help and go to therapy when I found out I was pregnant, but he manipulated the therapist into thinking he was fine. So he stopped going. Then he started drinking again and everything got worse…
Everything was my fault and he would get jealous when the spotlight would be on me at his friends gatherings. He wouldn’t come home sometimes until one night I caught him texting another girl and I threw his stuff out of my house. Never looked back.
It’ll never get easier. Mental and emotional abuse is awful because you’re tricked into thinking you’re the problem. You have a big decision to make because it’ll get worse. Trust me.
I’m a single mom and he recently decided to give up his rights, so I no longer have to coparent with him.
I hope you make the right choice for your mental health and sanity. Good luck hun.
Hes going to kill you or hurt you badly leave now
He sounds like a narcissist with some other issues too. I dealt with one for 5 years. Dealing with another one now (my child’s dad)
You can’t cure narcissism. If you ever want to chat, my inbox is open.
The punishment part and I bet he blames your emotions being the problem or your feelings are the problem…
A narcissist will never accept help, and you will destroy yourself trying to please him. Please just leave before it gets worse. You deserve better.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
I have to say that I agree with everyone else though. You need to leave. Otherwise till death do us part will come a lot sooner than you think
first theres no treatment for narcissism…although that is what it sounds like. the best advice is to leave there is nothing u can do to help. most people that r narcissistic can hide it for a period of time to get u in a comfort zone then once ur safe or comfortable for them their other side starts to come out then u dont notice it…he doesnt sound adhd although he might have that as well who knows. unless he choose to change there is no helping him u making urself worse or allowing him to take u down a dark path because ur “married” doesnt mean anything. if the shoe was on the opposite foot he would leave u
Dont wait for him to hurt you or the children. You can still try and help him from afar.
Run. Like. Hell. Been there. Almost died and am still fighting because I’ve got my kids with him. Ruuuuun!
If you stay , your saying it’s ok for him to treat you that way … Do you have kids with him ? If you do your showing the kids it’s ok to treat people that way
You are victim to a man that has Narsasistic Personality Disorder, along with Lack of Empathy. Google and read about them, I feel sure you will tell me I am probally correct. This isn’t ADHD, and no medication or professional at all will be able to change that in him,its even likely that he could ever change.
To hell with the vows…he wasn’t honest with you before the marriage or you would have seen these behaviors!!
You cannot change him
You cannot help him
According to him, he’s not the problem!
Let me say this you know what your life is with him now picture your life without him. Move on get strong. Key word you are unhappy and he is who he is. You can’t change him but he can’t change you either.
Pushing is physical abuse. Throwing things is physical abuse. It starts slow, and it WILL get worse. Get out before you become another fatal statistic. And for the love of God, if you have kids leave with them as soon as you can. They do not need to grow up thinking this is how relationships are supposed to be. It’s not your job to fix him and narcissists dont think anything is wrong with them, so they don’t see why they should get help. Hence the blame shifting.
I will pray you’re able to escape safely. It will be even more of a toxic situation when you leave because he will try to ruin your life. Stay strong, you WILL come out on the other side stronger than before.
Just leave. This sounds too similar to my own situation with my ex and I ended up staying but I cheated and we got back together for him to cheat on me 6 years later. Do yourself a favor and JUST LEAVE
Yep yherebis a cure and its for you to run as fast.and far as you can immed.He will only get worse and you will be.on 48 hours.You are better than this.Get out while.you can.Believe.me I was married to 2 of them.No one was ever right except.him.Verbal.abuse changed to physical and I have always said any man that puts their hand.on me will only do it.once and I meant.that.Dont.letnit go that far.He will say he will change.and he will but.it will be a change for the worse.
I feel like I wrote this wow it’s crazy just how similar things are between your marriage and mine. I would love to message with you personally and maybe we can get through this together 
Love has to work both ways and he clearly doesn’t value you. You can call it a marriage or a relationship but he just likes to have you. Unless he actually tries to make things better and I mean a REAL effort for the rest of your lives he isn’t worth it because I’m sure if the tables were turned you would do anything for the man you love
He sounds like an addict narcissist with ADHD. The trifecta. Get away if you can. I’m living in the same hell.
He’s abusive. Straight. Up. Abusive. He’s an alcoholic. And he’s Deff a narcissist.
If he really wanted to change and wanted help… he would have been there done that and been working on it already. “I can quit when I want to.” No. He clearly can’t. Cuz he would have. He punishes you… and straight tells you he punishes you? Why. Why do you let yourself be treated like this. That’s not love. You need to love yourself enough to leave. This is toxic. And if you have children, his or not, is this how you want them to treat people or be treated by someone? If this was your daughter, mother, sister, niece, friend… would you tell them to leave, or tell them to work it out and wait it out? Would you want to see a female you love go through this every. Single. Day?
It’s not ADHD. He has some serious mental health and addiction issues and you. Can. Not. Fix. That. He has to. And you need to leave and fix yourself. If he pushes you… the physical violence can and probably will get worse. If you have children, do you want them to learn that this is what a relationship is? For better or for worse through sickness and in health… means good times and bad times… and this is far more than a bad time. It’s a never ending nightmare.
Please love yourself first, and leave.
This is narcissism AND alcoholism 
Please get away from this situation before you get seriously hurt
He hasnt severely hurt you yet because he is working up to it… testing how much you will put up with. It will escalate. It always escalates. Leave.
I’ve dealt with it for 17 years, it doesn’t get better. LEAVE NOW
Honey leave!!! My ex was the same way. There’s no cure for a narcissist. I thought I could help my ex even told him I’d come back if we went to counseling never happened abuse just got worse until I left for good. I’m sorry your going through this please find friends to help you plan on leaving him. I left during the day while he was at work because I was scared. Good luck and I hope you get away.
Sounds like a chemical imbalance mixed with a Scorpio…
This reminds me of of my marriage. I had a simple solution that fixed everythingggg:
Divorce. 
Abuse. It won’t stop. LEAVE.
Narcissistic sociopath
You need to get him to leave and make him think it was his idea.
Get out before it’s to late… I hope you don’t have kids. Just leave it it’s only you it’s easier.
Narcissist.
I have PTSD and it’s literally nothing like that. 
WTAF get out! You need to take care of your own mental health he’s a grown man he can look after himself
Oh honey. My mom went through the same thing your are going through. It’s a sad deal. Life is to short to be treated like that. And I also went through a bad marriage. I packed up my 4 little kids and went my way.its hard. But u well have peace of mind.god bless you. Move on sweetie.
I agree with everyone else divorce and leave move to a different state if need before this love blinds u so much that u lose ur life or worse.
Mental illness or not, unless he gets serious help (which he doesnt seem to be) theres no chance. When you are strong enough to leave oh, trust me, he will go right back to being the Charming wonderful person you used to know. Don’t fall for it. The best advice is to get yourself help so you can be strong enough to realize you don’t deserve to be treated like this
Have him put on 72 hr psych hold and get the hell out before he follows up on his threats.
Narcissist. You need to get away. People can get PTSS from being in a relationship with a narcissist. Its all about control over you, and they will NEVER change.
Narcissist. 100%, he sounds just like my ex husband. Get out asap
My grandson has adhd and he is the sweetest person ever. It’s not adhd. Definitely narcissistic. I was married for 25 years to someone like this. Everyone else he treated well and he was an awesome worker, friend, son, brother, sister, just never to me. I wonder now why I didn’t leave. It’s mainly because I didn’t want him to yell in front of the kids. You should leave and tell him you won’t take him back until he goes to rehab or at least quit drinking. Maybe when you get out and see how other guys treat you you won’t want him back.
Sounds just like my ex husband. Leave.
You cannot help someone who doesn’t think they have a problem. YOU ARE BEING EMOTIONALLY, VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED! I have been there, I know. Get your kid(s) and GET OUT NOW!
Leave I felt so much better when I split from my husband for good my mind got straight and what’s even sadder when he passed away I felt free don’t stay leave
U may have to call the police because of the threats and let them take him to hospital for a psych hold.
Once a narcissistic always a narcissist. The cure is him realizing his wrong doings and taking responsibility for them which a true narcissist won’t. Sorry hun, this is who he is and there is no changing him. Also just an FYI, the fact that you put up with his sh*t and allow him to treat you this way will only guarantee he will NEVER change bcus why would he? You’re sticking around regardless of his ways so no need to change. Goodluck girl.
My daughter is going thru this to, as soon as she gets some money saved she is moving out. He acts just like her boyfriend and he is definitely a narcissist. Get out as fast as you can, there is no cure for it. Go to a women’s shelter for abused women
My boyfriend of 6 years used to punish me with the silent treatment for days… Then other times get up and leave all day… Come home to sleep then leave again to punish me… No communication… Evryone thought he was amazing and kind… Noone saw the hell I was going through… I stayed… Walked on egg shells, scared to set him off, scared of my punishments like a fucking child… narcissistic a hole. It never gets better… I lost 30 lbs and my job. Now I get pissed at myself for staying. Like MAD at myself. Leave honey.
He’s a nasty pig. Dump him. He will only drag you down.
My sons father is the exact same way. Only difference is he eventually started beating on me. Even when I was pregnant. I left his ass in Ireland and came home. It doesnt get better. Stop fooling yourself. You fell for the lie like I did. Run far and fast. Trust me.
I only got like 4 sentences in… leave
Please seek some counseling AFTER you escape. If I read correctly, you have had several bad relationships. Daughters who had Narcissistic fathers don’t just socialize with jerks, they turn into man-haters (me) or they try way too hard to find Daddy, and then try to please him. Narcs go straight to the girls who are easiest to bully, because bullying some of us leads to permanent scars and public humiliation. Which, to one of them, is even worse.
Suggest to going back to living separately!
TRUST ME… When I say get out. My ex did and acted the same exact way and I almost did not survive. I never thought from going from screaming, pushing, or calling me names would end up with him nearly succeeding in taking my life. It doesn’t and WILL NOT get better. You’re alive and well today but tomorrow could be a different story and you could be fighting for your life tomorrow. Just like I did and never thought that would happen.
If u are a person of faith, prayer and ask your church for help. If u are not person of faith, prayer and ask a church for help. I promise u our God is strong and He can guide u if ur willing. Ive been in ur EXACT situation except it ended with me and my infant getting beat on. Please please please seek outside help.
That is not a narcissist. It’s also not ADHD. It’s abuse. Plain and simple. It’s time to go.
Run. I’ve been there done that, and it took me years to rebalance myself .
I’m in the process of saving money and working on leaving mine cuz he acts the same way. I’ve tried and tried for 5 years and I’m done. So sorry ur are dealing with this also. Prayers for u hun. It is a very stressful situation😔
Read your own letter. If your daughter was in your position, what would you advise her to do?
Get out before it’s too late
Leave! It will not get better. Don’t just leave, RUN!
Alcoholism can definitely highlight narcissistic behavior. Get out hun and RUN.
“He’s never done anything physical EXCEPT push me and throw things at me”…YET! Abuse is abuse…the threat alone can be taken as abusive! You need to get out of this relationship! Any man/woman who treats you this way is scum and they have serious issues unrelated to you or your marriage! He won’t change, you can’t fix him until he admits it’s a problem. Your life will continue to be a vicious cycle of emotional/verbal/psychological/mental and physical abuse until you put yourself first and end the cycle!
I was also married to a narcissit, and like you I loved my husband dearly and did everything for him. My suggestion is not to “just leave”. He needs counseling and you two need counseling together, without it, it will never work. Suggest counseling, if he refuses, then you have no choice than to leave. Don’t continue to be his punching post, don’t allow him to continue to verbally abuse you. Stand up for yourself, get help or leave he has no other choice.
ADHD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder often go hand in hand. Along with addiction issues. If he had ADHD that he hasn’t ever had proper therapy for all along then damage is really done. Look into Executive Functions. He’d have to be taught those and they really control every aspect of life. Including his emotional responses. Sadly he’d need to be honest and open to help which it doesn’t seem he would be. Good luck with it ever changing. Either you want to live like this for the rest of your life or you go.
LEAVE HIM. Abuse is abuse and this is abuse.
It’s abuse, if mental illness is involved he won’t address it so leaving for your health and the health of your child is sadly the best thing you can do. I say sadly because I know you care about him or you would’ve already left him, you deserve more and you’re child deserves to know how a man should really act.
I’m assuming you don’t have children. Consider: would you want your kid to be around that or treated that way? Would you want your children to think it’s okay to be treated that way?
If your answer is no… then leave. Maybe separation with counseling, but you need to get away from the abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.
What ever it is, I hope you are planning a way to escape the abuse. Please reach out to friends, family, church, coworkers, Someone.
Praying for you.
There is no helping him. Leave now. Don’t look back. Don’t go back. Leave. Don’t tell him you are leaving.
This isn’t an issue of whether or not it’s ptsd, depression, adhd or narcissism. IT’S ABUSE. And you need to find help before it goes too far. God speed. 
HE IS ABUSIVE. YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
You can call it adhd, ptsd, or whatever the hell you want, but its not going to change the word ABUSE.
Ita time to go girl. And when he comes crawling, begging, crying, and pleading to get you back (and he absolutely will) swearing hes changed and it’ll never happen again, you just remember that that is what every abuser ever has said…
Time to go! Now. It only escalates from here and here is already a major abusive situation. Get your kids and go. Today. Tomorrow. Not this weekend. Not next month. Now.
It’s called abuse. That’s what he is doing. Hes abusing you. You’re giving him excuses. This is NO good excuse or reason for abuse. I would suggest therapy and a safe place for you to go. You deserve better. It will only get worse.
Don’t be a hero!! Leave
You are being abused and you children are learning that this is ok by watching you stay. If this was your child- would it be ok?
Get out now. He is emotionally and mentally abusive. You deserve better.
Ummm my X’s doctor gave mine Adderall for adhd and he became even worse then before and strangled me. Get out now. Sociopath narcissist
Just GO. You already know you have to. Don’t let him brainwash you into thinking you SHOULD stay…for any reason. And I’m sure he’s got plenty of reasons he thinks you should live your life being treated like garbage. You don’t deserve it. No one is “special” enough to treat you like this, not even your narcissistic husband. LEAVE and get a LIFE!! Hard to do (at 1st) but DO IT!! And after you’ve been gone (far far away) come back on here and tell us how wonderful your life is and how leaving was the best decision you ever made.
Sorry to be so blunt … but this is your only choice at happiness. And we all want you to be happy!!
Please leave. You can’t fix him and it WILL escalate.
If religion is a factor in you staying and wanting your marriage to work- yes, God loves everyone, including your husband but he loves YOU too and YOU matter too.
That’s not ADHD, it’s abuse. He doesn’t love you. Love yourself.
Narcissism in it’s finest form. Verbal, mental and physical abuse! Yes, just pushing and having things thrown at you is physical abuse! You need to leave before he actually does something he is threatening. If he’s willing to threaten, eventually it will probably happen.
You are being abused. Leave before it escalates. Your post reads like the beginning of a tragic story that will not end well.
There is no changing that kind of person. He is not going to wake up one day and be better. He will always treat you this way.
He is abusing you. Leave him. Dont let your kids think that’s just how you treat people
Leave the relationship do not waste your time staying with him he will never change. Iived with t’ somebody for 12 years like that. You’re very naive if you think that you can change his ways. The fact that you’re writing this shows that you know it’s wrong. leave before it gets worse. This will never get better for you. He promised you a safe loving life. He already broke his promise for better and For Worse he’s made it worse