That’s a heck of a lot more than ADHD! Lived with that since I was 17, it started when I was barely 13…it won’t get better, get out while you can. My cooking was ‘pig slop’, my cleaning wasn’t done right (I didn’t sweep the kitchen after dinner) he wouldn’t mow the lawn so I did, then I’d get heck cus 'i was showing off". On and on…trust me, it just worse…best of luck!!!
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Leave, don’t look back and run for your safety and sanity.
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Document as much as you can. Record his fits of rage and threats, secretly of course. Divorce and ask for sole custody of any kids. Do it before he kills you. It will only get worse. Nothing, and I mean nothing will change him. You dont deserve to live in fear or misery. Any kids you have will suffer right along with you, I know from experience. Please get away asap. There are many programs that help women in your situation. Please, get out.
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You need to get out it will never stop
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Sounds like my ex husband. Leave now before it gets worse. My daughter took so much damage, in fact we are at a mental health hospital right now because of the damage she took from him. You just described my ex husband to a tee. Take my advice, leave. Get your kids away from that man. Its not fun picking up the pieces. Im in tears right now. Please leave him, its not worth it.
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GET OUT NOW!!! Abuse!!!
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He sounds alot like my ex…who also denied he had a problem w alcohol, was best thing to happen to me, doing so much better then everyone when in reality hes a drunk asshole…yea he has a charming side…but that cant hide him screaming in my face in front of my kids or making me feel like shit just for tryong to talk to him about how i feel. Im glad i left him b4 i got pregnant lol. But it seems like u already dont like him as a person anymore
Um no. Run. Divorce. Who cares. Divorce him. You don’t want to spend the next 10 years of your youth wasted on that guy. You can’t fix him. He won’t change. Run. Run now. Don’t wait. You will look back to this time and wish you had if you don’t leave. Don’t let him convince you that it will be different. It won’t. Leave.
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Why do we have to go through this…jekle and Hyde shit all the time…we don’t deserve this witchcraft
I don’t think it’s ADHD mainly because of the punishment part. Someone suffering from ADHD may have any outbursts, but the punishing part, that’s a different story…
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I was married to the same person. Literally every word you say… Was my life. Married to him for 10 years and it did NOT get better. We divorced 3.5 years ago and he is still making my life hell… Currently trying to get full custody of my children because he’s starting to treat our daughter this way. He is sick… It’s almost psychopathic and it is not ok. Pm me if you like… Ive lived through it.
I gave my husband an ultimatum. I left with our daughter and told him that if he wants his family back, he will have to work for it and that we were doing it my way. Not his. I made him go to a counselor and I made him see the doctor to see if he needed meds (which I basically knew he did.). He did those things and was going to therapy regularly as well as the two of us going to marriage counseling. It’s been over 5 years since I left him and 4 since we got back together. We are stronger than ever. If you want to make it work, you can definitely try, but there is NO shame at all in leaving and not looking back.
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Um… FUCKING LEAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING STAYING?! won’t be long until he beats you… RUN.
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Sorry to say it, but there’s no cure for a narcissist. If you won’t leave for yourself then do it for your kids!
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Tiffany Breeden wow some of this sounds so familiar
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My ex has adhd never took his meds correctly, was and is still a total narcissist. When he did take the meds he wasn’t such a child about everything but still a narcissist. Blames everything on everyone. I got out when I realized how deep it ran and started to feel concerns for my safety as that all can lead to a lot of unpredictability when they get angry so easily… people don’t change unless something DRASTIC happens
Leave as soon as possible. Your life is more important, if you do not leave, he will eventually hurt or kill you, get out now.
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I’ve been there. You need to leave, he is never going to change or he would have already. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it’s only going to get worse and don’t let him know start a separate savings and once you have a enough run while he’s gone
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He will NEVER change only get worse. Firsr comes threats of physical violence then comes the violence and he will ALWAYS blame you for it!!!
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Take the kids and get out of there NOW!!! Call a battered woman’s shelter if you’re afraid he’ll come looking for you. They have resources that you couldn’t even begin to imagine! How do I know this? I’ve been there and done that already! Please, don’t let him hurt you and/or the kids!!
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Its 2019 theres no shame in divorce any more plus theres alot of help available out there. It is super hard to leave at first and you will feel guilty maybe but in the long run u will get over it and move on…i think its bettet to do now then 10 yrs later when kids r teens n you invested alot more into it…if u dont see urself getting old w him just get out
Leave get the hell out.
Its his ego. His mouth. And ugly personality. Lack of respect and consideration. He wants control of you like a robot. All these comments are true. Listen up. Run for your life now!!! Before it’s to late. Love him from a distance. He is toxic to/for you!!!
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My son is severe ADHD, and he don’t have any of that!
That’s what happens when you don’t really know a person. Its best you leave.
Leave him alone. You can’t fix people. Your kids will grow up and be mean like he is. Leave and show them what love is. Fix you and them and God will send you someone good to y’all. 
Leave now. It’s not going to get better because he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior. In order for him to be a better person, he would have to acknowledge his wrongdoings and it doesn’t sound like that’s ever going to happen. All it takes is one time for you or one of your kids to be hurt or killed. One time and your whole life can change. You and your children deserve to feel safe and loved. Not live in a war zone. And the kids shouldn’t grow up thinking this is normal.
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Def. sounds like narcissism. Get out and don’t look back.
He sounds exactly like my husband except my husband doesnt drink… hes a recovering addict been sober a year now… but still acts vial towards me… we have been married less than a year… I go to counseling regularly and when he was going it was getting better then he stopped said he got too busy with work… I moved out 2wks ago… we r talking about working it out and he promises to start going to counseling again once his busy season is over… guess we shall see… but I’m not moving back in with him til I see results
Bipolar sounds like to me but I’d leave his ass
That’s not adhd. That’s abuse. Run as fast as you can and don’t look back… they don’t ever change and it does get worse… my Sons father was like that and still is. Thank god I got out when I did, he tried killing me and claims he don’t remember doing that…
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Get out now. He will not change for you or anybody else.
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Sounds like narcissism. I have never heard of a cure. If they don’t think there is a problem why would they try to get help? Did you go in the room with him when he was diagnosed with ADHD?
Just leave him…best option is to change the locks! don’t put up with it it’s not fair for you or your children x good luck xx
Oh girl…get out, you can’t save him, and trying will o my make you loose yourself.
This is most definitely not adhd. I can tell you for sure that he is a narcissist. How do I know? My husband is one. And I finally worked up the strength to kick him out in July of 2018. I truly do understand that you love him, but he’s going to destroy you. Trust me when I say this, it will be hard on you and you’ll be heartbroken. But, in the end, you’re so much better off without him. Once you taste freedom and peace, you’ll never put up with that again.
Doesn’t sound like adhd at all. It does sound just like narcissism to me. They are great at hiding it at first, I had an ex like that and I suggest you get out asap. It doesn’t get better in my experience, only worse.
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Why are you choosing to stay? Figure out what’s stopping you from leaving a toxic and abusive relationship and work towards valuing yourself enough to leave. Is there someone you can talk to? A therapist maybe? Do you have a good support system around you?
You are stronger than you think and as scary as it feels, you can make it without him.
He’s not going to magically change.
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Some people believe that type of narcissism is a personality trait, which would make it difficult to change. A counselor believes anybody is capable of change, if they are willing to work the process. It sounds like your husband saw a medical doctor, not a therapist/psychologist/counselor. It doesn’t sound like ADHD to me, he needs a second opinion and motivation to make changes (bc yes, he is abusing you). You may want to pursue counseling yourself to help you clarify your situation and your potential options. As someone who has been with a narcissist, I agree with every comment here telling you to leave. However, that’s not where you’re at right now and that’s okay. Please consider seeking counseling to help both of you.
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It sounds like explosive intermittent disorder, my old man has it, does require treatment a d medicine
I’ve lived your life for 25 years and I’m finally strong enough to leave.
I have to because my health has deteriorated so much.
He has cause me PTSD I’m having up to 30+ panic attacks a day, I’m physically sick with fright. I’ve lost 3 stone in weight through pure stress, when the panic attacks are bad I black out.
I thought I could help him and have tried and better tried.
What hurts the most is they know what they are doing for example I had a call with the crisis team because I was rock bottom.
As soon as he found out the first words he didn’t say” are you ok why did you need to call them “
His first words were what have you told them about me 
so they just choose to hurt us.
We are much stronger than them.
They bring us down to there level because they get a kick out of hurting you … please don’t wait as long as me, the damage cause to me is going to take a long time to repair but I will never let him knock me down.
Knowledge is key and get yourself an idas worker.
They will help you wether you choose to stay or leave.
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You need to leave I watched my mother, brother, and sister live with a man who did this to them for 20 years. The damage is irreparable. Get out fast and do not put a child in this situation ever.
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For better or for worse does not mean abuse!!! Get help and take care of yourself. Codependent and enabling can be mistaken “doing the right thing.”
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You should leave. Like now. No One should live this way. Believe me it won’t get better.
He’s a huge narcissist. I was in a relationship with one and it slowly kills you. Your ego. Your self confidence. Your self worth. Get out. He’s not worth all of your hurt.
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You described my ex perfectly. No doubt about it, narcissism. They will never ever change even if you leave and they beg you to come back, they will say they’ll change but they don’t have it in them to. You may see a change for a couple of months tops but they always goes right back once they have you hooked again. They are never wrong and everything is always your fault and always will be. Took me 9 years to leave my ex and I’m so glad I did, mostly for my kids! I am so much happier and I will never look back.
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Adhd doesn’t make you a psychopath. He has to want to better himself, you can’t force him. If he refuses to get help then leave. It sounds already like a dangerous situation.
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That is in fact narcissistic behaviour and sadly theres nothing you can do to change the behaviour. Your best bet is to leave with your kids and try co-parenting seperately. As long as theres no court ordered visitations set up you can leave with the kids and it’s not considered kidnapping.
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It could definitely be narcissism with a mix of substance use disorder and possibly even other disorders. You and he won’t know unless he is psychiatrically evaluated. He has to want to change and he has to want treatment in order for it to be effective. The most you can do is try to focus on you throughout all of this. Whether you decide to stay or leave is up to you. But in whatever you do make sure that you are practicing self care, getting treatment, and/or reaching out for support.
If u feel like it we could pm, I’ve looked into narcissism, ADHD and the other usual disorders due to my own life situations…
This is not just ADHD, it has traits of narcissism, possibly a mood disorder AND addiction to self medicate on top of it all. U can’t fix narcs, they don’t see anything wrong with themselves. U can’t fix ADHD either, i have it myself, u can only manage it. Leave the marriage ok. I know u love him, but what he was at the start is NEVER coming back. Narcs can’t be a healthy parent, if y’all ever have children. Plus ADHD is geneticly passed to children, so are some mood disorders.
Please LEAVE. Take care of you and your children- before it’s too late. 
You dont deserve to live like that
Narcissist big time, I stayed 14yrs 10 of those he was drunk, when sober he was an arrogant ass,3 of my kids are insecure and one day i just woke up, i couldnt take it no more, if he couldnt get at me hed get at the kids,my youngest is so confidant but it’s because I got rid of him.ive been 12 yr single it’s fab to be free me n my kids are all mates and he’s still a jerk but someone elses…stay strong xxxxx
Doesnt matter about what label to put on him. Get out. There’s no marriage to salvage. Save yourself.
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Please listen to the advice you asked for— run for your life. Protect your children. They will grow up thinking that the way he treats you is ok, and they will mimic this behavior later in life. Would you want your kid married to someone like this? Would you think it’s ok for your child to treat a spouse this way? If that’s not ok-- then show them!! Children learn what they live. What will this man teach your children?
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Narcissistic. There is no cure. I was in the same spot you are and honestly I left. Being with someone that’s a narcissist and drinks, is a problem waiting to happen. I woke up to him blacked out drunk holding a knife against my neck, saying if I leave or anything he will kill me. To this day, I’m scared to sleep
You should be gone by now.your children come first.
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Leave. Hes an asshole. Leave. Before it gets worse. Leave.
Move right on out honey. You are not safe, I guess you have been told this by all you are close too, & they will be worried sick at the situation you are in. If you can’t leave this damaged man, for your own safety, do it for your loved ones. You don’t want to become a statistic & a victim of domestic abuse. You can’t help him, or make him better
He’s a damaged and angry man… GO GO GO
Narcissistic behavior is a mental disorder. It can be treated but not cured. Normally it’s treated with antidepressants but in this case if he isn’t willing to get help I would say it is best to go separate ways.
If he wants help I would ask dr to look into antidepressants to help
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Get out now. I was with a narcissist for 20 years. Only 3 good things came out of it, my children. He crushed my daughter’s self esteem as well as mine. Trying to rebuild after a narcissist is hard but definitely worth going solo. I’m sorry you are stuck in this situation.
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Reread this and ask yourself does that sound normal? I wouldn’t walk away …I’d run the heck out of there.So many places and people will help you.
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ADHD is a learning disorder that makes it hard to focus.
Get out. Don’t wait until he hurts you or a child. Get out now.
I’m not a professional so I can’t diagnose him, but he definitely sounds like a narcissist. Maybe some childhood trauma or just a plain old narcissist. Whatever it is, I’m sorry for you. 
My bf has ADHD, thats not it. He sounds more like my narcissistic ex. U need to get away from him b4 he hurts or even kills u
Is he an aries or a gemini? There’s your answer!
He is gaslighting you. That is abuse! You can love him all you want but you need to leave. The adhd is a lie.
Leave before you end up on the news like a family in my town did yesterday. He killed his entire family. I’m just saying. You NEVER know what’s in someone’s head like that. Save yourself and your kids! It’s not til YOUR death, do we part. Your children need you. They need a healthy and happy mom. They deserve that. You deserve that.
I was in that relationship for 5 years. Said those very same things… cut him slack because he’d been through things… etc. I worked took care of his kid and mine. He drank in excess… found out about some drugs he was doing. Never physically tried to hurt me
Until he swung a baseball bat at me. That was it. I left. We tried to have a friendly relationship… he was still driving my truck. (He wanted time buy it) until it came time to hand the keys back over.
Then he tried to strangle me
That’s a narcissist and alcholic. There’s is absolutely NOTHING you can do to help him. Even though you love him and want to help “make him better” there is no cure. He will only progress and get worse over time. Get out and awaY as soon as you are able. It’s hard and will hurt you more than it hurts him. He’ll apologize maybe even beg you to stay. He’ll make promises how he’ll change but it’ll NEVER happen. No one can help you until you’re ready to see the monster he is. Things aren’t always bad, right. There’s good times. But when they’re bad they’re really bad. I pray you find the courage to get away and stay away. That’s the hardest part, staying away. Been there, done that.
Stopped reading shortly after I started. Run. No man is worth the bullshit, it starts small and could be your life before you know it!
Get out immediately, based on your description he shows all the signs of narcissism. And these types can’t be fixed. They will turn you inside out. I’m sorry…
it’s easy for us to sit here and just say leave… Leaving is sometimes more dangerous than staying… But girl, you do need to leave… but make a plan… call ahead when you can and go to a domestic violence shelter where he cannot get to you or your children. Warn all of your family not to take his calls and notify police in case he tries to get to you through them. Change your phone number and only give it to your close family AFTER you explain to them how dangerous this is. He will try to win you back, tell you he’s getting help, tell you he’s better, remind you of all the good times… he’ll get angry, threaten, even threaten suicide. It’s all part of the game to them… I have been gone for 15 years from my ex, and I shudder when I hear how he’s treating his new conquest. He has not changed, did not get better, and did not kill himself, despite all the threats/promises to do so… most importantly, have 1 friend/family member who you are communicating with, who knows how to reach you in an emergency, and that you can reach in an emergency…
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Living through a similar situation you definitely need to put yourself and your kids first. My kids still struggle getting over the years spent with their father and what he had done. It’s not been an easy road but I don’t regret leaving him one bit. I’m myself again and not some mindless drone meant to keep him happy every second of the day. Sadly there’s not much that can be done for a narcissus. He is still the same as when I left. And he did finally go to therapy and get on meds. He still likes to try and make my life hell just cause he can. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You’re not alone.
Get out of that relationship. Period. Leave. Run. Know your worth…I know easier said than done but you deserve so much better. Someone who “loves” you won’t treat you like that. If he’s making you feel like his behavior is your fault, he’s the issue, not you my dear.
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At the point you have to ask that question at all
You said he hasn’t been physical with you…EXCEPT for pushing, throwing things at you AND threatening worse. That IS physical and emotional abuse and it will not ever stop…it will escalate over time and please believe that you are in danger of that happening. This man does not want to change and he never will. Protect and save yourself while you can. Get out now!
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I know you want to help him but is it worth your well being, your sanity, your self esteem in the process?
This man of yours has some bad underlying anger issues. He needs help and you and child need to go get help and a safe place before he kills you I’m afraid to say. What happened to him as a child may be the root cause of his horrific anger. Was he sexually abused as a child? I pray for your safety and wisdom. Turn it over to Christ. Please get help now. It will only get worse. Please get out.
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I’m not sure. But I do know it is abuse. I hope and pray that this isn’t happening to your children. I stayed with someone almost 8 years with mental and physical abuse thinking If I just loved him and stuck with him he would change. Our son is the reason I left when he was 1year old. I can tell you this…change starts from within. And love should never hurt. Not mentally or physically. And your children deserve better. The more you put up with it,the worse it will get.
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Get out that is abuse! Mental abuse! And pushing u is physical! Get away! There are plenty of resources around nowadays that would help you. Please don’t be a statistic and remember your kid/kids are watching and learning this behavior from both of you! Show them their mom has balls and can stand up for herself!!!
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Hun. You need to get out now! Before he hurts you or killed you. Please run get out now. Yes you love him yes he needs help. You can love him from a distance you can’t help him unroll he helps himself. Even if he seeks professional help it won’t cure or change him. You need to protect your self and get some where he can’t find you. Seek help IMMEDIATLY. PLEASE for your health. Mind and body.
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One simple question a friend asked me that made it clear for me as I was married to the same man in your description. The question was " would you want your daughter married to that type of man? And do you want your son to be that man to someone’s daughter". Get out before it gets worse. Take care of you and your kids first!
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He is an alcoholic narcissist get out now or forever live unhappily ever after
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Get out now! I spent 8 yrs in a horrible relationship just like that. He made the mistake of telling me to leave like he was all high and mighty. So I packed my shit and escaped. He was in total shock and started begging me right away to come home. I told him we were done and his mistake was letting me walk out that door because I’m NEVER coming back. I deserve better. We are 10 months post break up and honestly not every loss is a loss. Get out while you can.
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Plan it out. Call to shelters. Start figuring out how much to pack. What you need and value.
That’s abuse. And it will only escalate. Get out now.
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Honestly get out of there. He is abusing you. It’s hard to see it for what it is because you’re so close to it. Get out of there. Find someone to help you. Have a place to go. Line up a place to sleep and get yourself and your kid(s) out of there
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Get the hell out! Things will only get worse
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I’m sorry to say this but yes he’s a narcissist! 
trust me I’ve been there I’ve had all the threats, the holes in my walls and smashing up of my home, I’ve been through all the begging and trying to make myself better for a man that found fault in me no matter what I did, I tried and tried for 3 years to try and make things work especially because in those 3 years we had 2 children together on top of all that he had an addiction to cocaine that no matter how many ultimatums I gave he always chose over me and the children! I finally found the strength to leave him and he punched me in the face 
That was the final straw in our relationship coffin! Since then he’s made me out to be violent and controlling, he’s made reports to social services to say that I used to feed him drugs to make him stay with me (if I didn’t give him money he would smash my house up) he’s made false reports against my family to try and take away my support network and even now months later he’s still trying to get my children taken away but you know what it’s still 100% the best decision I’ve ever made I’m now in a happy relationship with my soul mate and my best friend for 15 years, he’s not allowed any contact with our shared children (ss ordered) and after many pointless relationships he’s still alone!
I’m not gonna tell you what you should do just look inside yourself I think you already know what to do!
Speaking from a different point of view… I am the daughter of a narcissistic alcoholic. My father has caused me so much damage and pain, you can’t even imagine. My mother is still with him. Waits on him hand and foot. Makes sure he always has alcohol. Takes his side against everyone else, including her own children. She has been enabling him for atleast 34 years now. He has ruined so much for me. I no longer speak to him or my mother or anyone in my family. My younger brother stands by him. My younger sister, who is in between my brother and I, moved away. Only comes around once in a while. If I can give you one piece of advice, it would be this… leave for your children! Even if you think you don’t deserve better, they do!! I am forever mentally damaged. I could go on and on and on with so many stories and details but you’re smart. You can figure out the hell I was put through as a child and I’m not 34 years old. Still effed up in the head. Single mom to two little girls. Can’t maintain a relationship with any man and I do blame him for most of it. Your children don’t deserve to go through all of this and then to not even be able to move on from it in adulthood… that’s a life sentence. A life sentence that I am currently serving.
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He sounds like my ex, a complete alcoholic, mentally abusive. Would treat me the exact same way , we split up and hed tell me how sorry he was for treating me so inhumane, then he’d start up the same thing. When we first got togather he gave me a cell. Seemed really cool to have a cell till he would use it to see where I was and ask me when I was coming home, where was I, who was I with, ect… get out now, it never got better and he even remarried after 4 years of us getting divorced to another woman he dated but once she lived with him marraige lasted less than 10 months. Hes the issue not u. Do yourself a favor and leave before it turns physical because it will.
I hate to say it because people should work on their marriage but leave… you need to leave one day while he isnt there go somewhere safe. If he touches you before this call the cops have him arrested and leave get a protective order and never go back… he is abusive period.
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You can’t help him until he wants to help himself my advice : run !!!
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You cannot fix a narcissistic person. They do not have feelings like normal people and only care for their own. Ur downfall is how they stand tall. Walk away before you lose your mind. Trust its not you. Love yourself enough to leave the negative environment.
Girl! Run! Run as fast as you can! DISSAPEAR! That guy is abusive and it’s a matter of time before it gets physical!
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He has to want to change nothing is gonna be different until he makes that choice ;"( you can cry beg compromise try please in any way but bottom line not gonna make a difference , you can’t fix anyone their choice n you can help n support if they want it ,
He is what they call a master narcissist. Get out now because he won’t change. He doesn’t think he has an issue.