I think my husband still has feelings for his ex: advice?

I’ve been with my husband going on three years when we met he was friends with his ex girlfriend whom which he was with for just under a year he continued the friendship with her as they were coworkers. Months into our relationship we were drinking and he sent her a text message saying he missed her loved her and felt bad for the way things ended. When I saw the message he told me that he was just messed up and he did not mean any of that. Fast forward two years I have told him I do not want him to be friends with her or text her as it makes me feel uncomfortable because of the past. He continues to speak with her even though I have voiced my opinion on the matter various times at this point I feel completely disrespected. His response to me telling him this stuff is why do I go through his phone. I do go through his phone when I have a gut feeling and I’m usually right. I need some honest responses am I overreacting. Obviously there are trust issues there as he has cheated on me a few times none that I am aware of since we have been married but nonetheless. I don’t know if I should even invest more time into this relationship. This is my second marriage

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my husband still has feelings for his ex: advice?

the fact you’re still married to him AFTER he’s cheated MULTIPLE times & you found evidence :woozy_face::clown_face:

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Is that what he said when asked him?

Well honestly I think you already have your answers, I’m sorry your in this situation but be strong and don’t accept anything less then what you deserve

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Run. If your gut is telling you something and he refuses to respect your wishes then theres a serious issue. Or start messaging your old exes and give him a taste of his own medicine. I’ve noticed guys need the how would you feel I did this to really grasp what they’re doing.

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Drop him! He’s playing games! Let him have her

Unfortunately, you asking shows that you already know the answer. And your second to last sentence shows that you’re already making the decision.
I hope whichever you decide, you’re happy and at peace!

Easy answer. Divorce

You have every right to feel disrespected and hurt, you’re not over reacting if my husband told his ex he still loved her I’d leave him.

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Marriage counseling. Individual counseling.

You will spend your life in misery if you stay with him, you only live once why waste it on someone like him.

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:rofl::rofl::rofl: and you married him anyway…desperation…

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:flushed::flushed: He cheated multiple times and you still married him? Girl if you don’t go sit your needy self down somewhere you already know what the situation is.

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You have your answer he still has feelings for her, now it’s up to you to decide if you want to stick around and deal with that.

I’ll say it again why go through his phone if you do odds are you gonna find something to put you in your feelings ( it’s happened to me personally)! If you don’t trust him to the point of going through his phone then it’s time to leave

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You set a boundary. He crossed it with zero remorse and continues to do so knowing it hurts you. Why is this even a question? Leave him and don’t look back. Learn to love yourself enough to know your worth, and you’re worth more than that and you know it.

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You don’t deserve this lovely…What advice would you give your child if they came up to you and said this is what they were dealing with?..you wouldn’t tell them to carry on xx hugs xx

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If you haven’t got trust you have nothing this will always be the issue weather he’s up too somthing or not

Leave and do it with no explanation. He doesn’t deserve one.

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I’m only going to say you’re overreacting because at this point you already know the answer on what you need to do. So you either need to realize that this is just going to always continue and deal with it baby. Or divorce and Move on because clearly he has not

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Sweetheart you know the answer.
Don’t make yourself miserable every single day. There is no relationship when there is no trust.

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I would have never gotten married. Run fast and don’t look back!!!

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Why even marry him if he was still hung up on his ex? You knew. Also being that he’s cheated he is more likely to continue. You’re only hurting yourself at this point. Should have left long ago.

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No you should not. Get out

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Leave him he doesn’t care about you ! Plus if he already cheated he will do it over and over again ! You’ll be better off alone !

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He’s still got feelings for her. That’ll not going to change anytime soon whether she wants him or not. Move on. It’s not worth it.

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I’ve been there. Trust your gut. You’re not overreacting. He is not respecting you or the vows you both took. Give him an ultimatum. I’m sorry.

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You don’t need answers ! You need the courage to do what you already know !! Move on girl ! You got this !

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Move on! Kick him to the curb.

Leave. Especially if he’s cheated multiple times. You still married him! And he gets upset over you going through his phone. There’s no trust in your relationship. Don’t waste anymore time on him!

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You ALREADY know the answers :bangbang::bangbang: throw the whole BOY away

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Leave him. He is obviously hiding things from you. Best of luck to you :pray:t2:

:woman_facepalming: Trust issues? Already cheated a few times? What do you need a neon sign that says he is not the one for you?

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If my husband said that he was uncomfortable with me talking to anyone(reasonable) then guess what, im not going to engage with that person out of love and respect for my husband and I would expect the same in return.

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Once a cheater , always a cheater… it doesn’t matter what we say … if he cheats again he knows you will take him back… but sadly when someone takes someone back who cheated ,the person who got cheated on doesn’t respect or love [email protected] anymore…so why should he love you and respect you if you don’t love and respect yourself?

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Run girl! You’ll find someone better.

If need to go through his phone, why are you with him? Make your own decision

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This is exactly why men continue to cheat. Too many woman forgive them multiple times so they think all of em will

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You married a cheater? I would’ve annulled that ASAP

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Time to pack and go…talking to ex is a big no no and u are not over reacting…id do same thing…hes not trusted…hes prob sleeping w her…time to move on to better…

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You’re not overreacting. If the roles were reversed, how would HE feel about it? Ask him that. Seems like you know the answer. Best to part ways and I’m sorry you’re being disrespected :disappointed:

If he cheated I wouldn’t of married him .
But yes there are trust issues get out NOW !!!

He’s not gonna quit, he’s actively cheating. Guaranteed!

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You need to decide are you prepared to live your life with not trusting him? If the answer is no, pack and never look back

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So he already cheated and she still married him? Oh honey he is def cheating again or is about to. Get out now.

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Bruhh… what ?? This whole post makes my head spin.

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You never should have married him ! WTH

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U have allowed this to continue by marrying him after he cheated u set the president that it’s something u will tolerate now u have to back track u are changing the rules hes gonna be mad but if u want it to stop stand on it!! Dont make threats just explain how u feel and how u plan to correct that feeling.

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its obvious that he is a cheat . he will never change , you need to dump him and move on

If. There. Are. No. Kids. I’d. At. Least. Separate, but. If. He. Doesn’t. See. What. You. Feel. Leave

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Kick his ass to the curb

He cheated bc he doesn’t respect you. He married you bc you don’t stand up to him. You don’t have a backbone and a narcissist who cheats and doesn’t care about your feelings loves being with someone he can push over. He thinks he’s getting a lifetime of security at home and then doing whatever the f$&@ he wants as well. Get your finances in order, screen shot everything you can, talk with your attorney about your exit strategy and then do it.

You should of ended this months into the relationship

If you have to go thru his phone…
Time to GO!!

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Instead of going through his phone, go through the classifieds and find you an apartment and an attorney.

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He’s still got it for her and does she contact him though even if he doesn’t? It’s a shame but it’s not going to work

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Remember a drunk tongue (or texting finger) is saying what a sober mind is thinking

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You already had the red flags before you married him so this really set a bad precedence for your marriage. You cannot be in a marriage that has TRUST issues. If you think it can be salvaged I would see if he would be open to marriage counseling and see if you can establish better frame work for your relationship going fwd. This does mean him being able to set boundaries that protect your marriage (from old girlfriends, interested parties, etc). I strongly suggest that you get some counseling whether he joins you or not because you are still going to need to sort out whatever is drawing you to these types of relationships and why you are putting up with them.

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I would be gone . Life is too short to waste your time . Be strong and move on … he sounds sneaky and obviously don’t care about your feelings…

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Telling someone they can’t be friends with someone will only make them want to do it more.
If there’s no trust or respect in the “relationship” you don’t have a relationship.

Wow he threw up every red flag and you ignored every one of them. Divorce him.

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Sounds to me like you already knew the answer prior to posting. Honestly honey he isn’t going to change and his feelings for you showed when he continues to stay in contact despite how it makes you feel. You are supposed to be his wife. He is just trying to tale the heat off him by saying things about going through his phone. He shouldnt have anything to hide. It’s not going to work and it shows. Move on you deserve to be treated better than that. Actions always speak louder than words!

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We accept the love we think we deserve. I’m telling you, you deserve better.

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Once a cheat always a cheat!!

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He love her and he’s upset he was busted . You are being a fill in, be with someone who wants you and isn’t messaging someone when drunk.

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#1 you touch or go theu my phone for any reason your hitting the curb
#2 I am freinds with any and ALL of my exs HOWEVER we are FREINDS and dont exchange romantic stuff of any kind.
#3 He has already cheated on you and you STILL Married him …???

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Wtf you doing marrying a player for in the first place… drunken man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts… move on!

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Run as fast as you can😘

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Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering and waiting for him to go back to his x? Is that a way to live? Only you can make the choice to make you a priority. Good luck.

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I don’t mean to sound like a witch, but he cheated on you several times and you still married him and what just thought the vows would stop him from doing it again? He now completely disrespects your feelings by putting his “friendship “ with her first instead of trying to make you feel secure in his love and y’all’s marriage. My only advice is to get out as fast as you can because constantly having to wonder what a man is doing and who with is no way to live, I did it for 9 years. Leaving is hard but trust me, staying is so much worse!

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He’s just waiting for her to want him again….

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Get out now before you have children mixed into this 100 percent you gut is right !!

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I’m so sorry you’re going through thins, the answer is straight forward but not for our hearts xx

I could say so many things.you deserve better :heart:

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He’ll do what you allow and gaslight you for expressing your feelings. You didn’t mention any children involved so if that’s the case, leave now before it gets more complicated. You are absolutely right to feel disrespected. Your gut is always right. Trust me on that.

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Why are you continuing to allow this man to disrespect you? Time to realize your self worth, I recommend some counseling for yourself. He’ll continue to treat you this way because you allow it.

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You have trust issues. You need to heal

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Hun… “he cheated on me a few times” :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::skull::skull::skull: how many more times you need this to happen for you to finally realize you are a :clown_face::clown_face:

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Should have left when you seen the 1st message given whether he was drunk or not - you can’t deny words

Cheaters don’t stop being cheaters, they just get better at hiding their tracks. Leave.

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Major red flag. I’m so sorry but you need to leave now before you invest more time.

Drop him like a hot potato. He’s not worth it. Follow your gut feelings. Good luck

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He cheated on you and you still married him??

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You are going to find out one day your husband been cheating on you for over 17yrs! Yes that just happened to my friend. I can remember you asking me what to do after he cheated on her a few time already.

Man like that doesnt change! They just get better at hiding it

Don’t let him put you on layaway. He has no intention to make a life with you. Time to move on now. Don’t look back.

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Try your best to focus on YOU and commit to daily self care! Exercise, meditate, pamper yourself! Once you begin to really focus on YOU, it’ll be easy to move on! He wouldn’t even look the same to you!

Just knowing that he has cheated on you before and is acting like this is more than enough for you to move on. You can’t have a good relationship if the trust isn’t there.

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Better get out now… They never get rid of the ex well at least the ones that continue to stay on the back burner… He is just waiting in my opinion… If he cheats once he will do it again and again honey… Save yourself now dint wait … Been there done that… You deserve better…

A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.

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Once a cheater always a cheater. I don’t know why you’re still with him when you know he’s cheated. I couldn’t do it. Once that trust is gone it’s over for me.

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Do what makes YOU happy. If he makes you happy don’t go looking for problems. If it’s too much and getting in the way of your happiness leave. :woman_shrugging:t3:

  1. File for divorce. Where there is smoke there is fire, he already cheated. He’s probably waiting on his chance to fuck her again.

  2. Start putting your ducks in a row, if you haven’t already, so that you can leave comfortably.

  3. Find a male friend and get your groove back. You don’t have to have sex with him AT ALL, just get a friend. Could be an old childhood friend that you reconnect with. What’s good for the geese should also be good for the gander. Besides, never compromise your social life for anyone; just be able to maintain and respect boundaries when necessary.

  4. Move TF ONNNN :bangbang: unfortunately, it sounds like you have him physically But not mentally and emotionally which is a major problem. You deserve better, & you deserve happiness without all of the extra. This is one of those cases where you have to love yourself MORE and move forward. It will hurt, but I pray that God gives you the courage and strength to move on.

Goodluck Sis :brown_heart:

Don’t waste anymore of your time the man clearly has proven he does not respect you.

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I’m sorry, he cheated on you; you still married him; & now you’re confused? :flushed:
Please get a therapist.

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Idc if this your 5th marriage. Don’t accept disrespectful behavior.

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Hell no not worth the heart ache he don’t love you you deserve better and stress less life once you leave you will feel a weight lifted on your shoulders you deserve to be happy :smiley:

Second marriage, second divorce

I’d leave if he’s going to text her while drunk and other occasions then unfortunately that’s whose on his mind and you won’t change that. The madder you get (which you have every right) the more it will push him away and long for her more. I’d say move on he can’t have you both! There’s someone out there that would never do that to you!