Why did you marry him since he was already doing this before?
I hope you do not have children together.
He needs to make a choice. Her or you and he needs to make it today.
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Some men do it because they’re bored. My suggestion get him interested in some sport to replace the other urge.
I think you rushed into the marriage before you even healed from the past. Cheating once is a mistake worthy of redemption if one truly seeks it. Cheating more than once is a pattern of disrespect and lack of care for the other person. If you as his wife have set a boundary that he refuses to accept, that’s more than a red flag that’s a deal breaker. With that being said, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I believe that no marriage should be thrown away without exhausting resources. If he is unwilling to commit to you fully, then it may be time to find someone who will.
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The question I have for you is why the hell did you marry him in the first place I’m sorry but I think your own actions here knowing what he’s like you still went tide the knot and sign that piece of paper I really don’t think you’re asking anyone a question here I think you really know deep down what you have to do… darling once a cheater always a cheater, cheater are good at being narcissistic manipulators
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Unfortunately you married him with these behaviours so why would he change now . Just get out before any innocent children are dragged into this mess.
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He will do it as long as he can until
You give up basically.
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honest as it gets… get away from the narcissist! Been there done that. reading your post is exactly what I went through.
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honor yourself and leave… he’ll not change most likely
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Why did you marry someone who you knew was cheating on you? No point divorcing him until you break the pattern of bad choices or you’ll just be onto marriage 3 in a few months.
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Have respect for yourself.
Why marry him after you know he’s cheated or even still messaging his ex?? Get some self respect and go find someone that’s not hung up in the past or seeing other people
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I’ve been on both sides and neither are good
Why did you marry him after he cheated on you?? That just shows him he can do whatever and it doesn’t matter. Once he cheated you should have walked away then. If there is no trust in your relationship then thats a huge red flag that it’s not gonna last.
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If he has never said an inappropriate word following the drunken evening then why you mad?
Nope, why be in a relationship like that. Sis, if you have to go through his phone it’s not worth it. 100% been there, go be happy alone or with someone else
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Hes a proven cheater and is continuing his communication with his ex. Why put yourself through this?
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Trust your gut and leave girl
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I think you know what needs to be done. When you have no trust, especially when he has cheated on you before. Do you love him more than yourself? Do you love him more than your self respect? Is he worth your emotional well being? If you say yes to these questions, you are in a toxic place and need to leave him seek help immediately! You need to learn self respect and boundaries for what you will allow in regards to what others do to you and how they treat you. As for that ex texting, I call bs that he did not mean it…we say what we really feel when drunk. But there is no trust in this relationship and without trust the relationship is doomed, it is simply how long you keep trying to hide from it and lose any respect he has for you and vice versa. But if his words are why do you look,at my phone then, he is already showing you that you do not matter to him. I would advise either couples therapy or leaving as this is a toxic relationship that needs to be fixed by both parties or abandoned so you can learn to love and respect yourself, build boundaries in your relationships rather than being walked over, and then look for a healthy relationship. Good luck!
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No you aren’t overreacting. You told him how you feel and he is completely disrespecting you. You have trust issues because he has broken your trust by continuing to speak to her.
Yeah why do you go through his phone?
"I do go through his phone "
If you have to do this, there is NO TRUST. You can’t have a relationship without TRUST!
U should of probably never said I DO. There was trust issues and cheating issues before the marriage, there was inappropriate text sent by him to her that he MEANT (but of course he didn’t MEAN IT once caught smh lbvs). Im a firm believer you teach people how to treat you And as much as I hate to say it you taught your husband how to treat you before you became his wife you showed him what he could get away with and what you would tolerate by the way you allowed him to treat you etc. In every situation on every subject at every level and then you married him. You tolerated it before so trying to change his ways now won’t be easy especially if he’s not already showing you the respect you deserve as his wife.
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Apparently he is not trustworthy and being very disrespectful to you.Ifhe has cheated on you before dont put yourself thru this tell him to hit the matter of speaking and start a new life for yourself.Ask yourself do I want to deal with him forever and put your uncomfortable feelings on hold.Its your choice,sounds like he is the one needing to give you more attention not the other way around!!
This right here. It’s truth!
3rd times a charm. Find the lucky man, who treats you like you deserve.
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You honestly answered your own question here… read between the lines hun
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He’s already cheated on you before? Leave him. He’s making up excuses for his behaviour. There’s no excuse for 
behaviour 
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Give him an ultimatum 
he’s gaslighting you by telling you why go through his phone instead of taking accountability. He needs to respect your boundaries or give you your freedom
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He doesn’t respect you. If he did, he would understand how that makes you uncomfortable. My advice is to move on. It’s going to hurt to leave, but it’s going to hurt to stay as well and at least when you leave, you know life will get better eventually.
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If he cheated before… he will
Always cheat. He clearly showed you he won’t stop
For u…
Leaving. A real
Man will love you and only you
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you’re not what he wants…
Seriously move on he obviously isn’t committed to your marriage if he is still interested in his ex.
You deserve better
Honesty and Loyalty should come first over matters, how otherwise can one respect and trust each other? I say sit lay it on the table, otherwise there will never be happiness in the marriage, bc it will always be on the back of your mind feeling uncomfortable and unsecured of his trust and respect. I would ask for a divorced to see exactly where he stands. It is a sign of a lack of Love. God bless you. You are a strong woman to bad he is young and dumb to see the greener side of the fence.
If he cheated on you, he doesn’t love you… wake up… he’s not your mr right.
Love hurts and it can also kill your spirit. Love comes from deep within the soul, and it grows outward and glows. He has not felt real Love from the heart and soul. He needs to feel that pain of hurt within to learn what Love really is about. I say pray for him and let God touch his heart spiritually Amen
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Clearly he doesn’t respect you or your feelings. You can talk to him until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t matter unless it’s what he wants. His actions speak volumes. If a man wants you he will literally do anything for what he wants. Remember that.
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You leave. Period. You should of left 2 yrs ago. You need to know you’re worth you put boundaries he didn’t respect them you leave he sees you as stupid so he’s gonna continue to do this bullshit. 
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Whatever you decide is totally your decision no matter what advice you choose to take.Personally trust your gut it’s not usually wrong.What you have described massive red flags I’m sorry but this maybe end of marriage no.2 he is not a keeper.They say a drunk never says a truer word.I would kick him to the kerb find someone who appreciates you.
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First of all, clearly you do not trust him, rightfully so. You are going through his phone, he cheats and you are asking if you should invest more? Understand this is said with love and respect…You are just as responsible for this mess as he is. You must value yourself enough to NOT validate his bad behavior, and that is exactly what you are doing by continuing to remain with this person.
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Once there is no trust there is no relationship
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You are waiting for him in your marriage…he is not and will not wait for you inside or outside of your marriage he already has and will continue to replace you wether you are there or not…so why would you be the only one alone in your relationship?
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Leave. You’re not his first choice. He doesn’t prioritize you. You need to prioritize yourself and get tf out!!!
So I can see this from both sides because my best friend is my ex. I tell him I miss him sometimes and we make snide comments about when we were together, but we 100% KNOW we would never work out because we were highly toxic for each other. My husband at first was extremely uncomfortable with this friendship. I also got defensive at first but realized that was why my husband got uncomfortable with the relationship. So I became very transparent with my husband about my friend and my friendship.
BUT
On the other hand, my husband’s ex I am extremely uncomfortable with him being friends with because she already has proven to be a skanky person. She was on video chat with him one day and her boob “accidentally popped out” or so I am told. 
So I am not going to lie that friendships over with.
I think it truly depends on YOUR situation and how YOU feel. Is this the only issue in the marriage? Are you and him willing to sit down and create healthy boundaries for this person in your life? Have you asked him if he still has feelings for her?
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I wouldn’t continue to waste my time. It doesn’t matter what someone wants their spouse to do, people are going to do what ever they want to do whether it’s wrong or not. At the end of the day, you’re hurting and worried and can’t find out why he “doesn’t even care”. Don’t dwell on this anymore than u already have, he already shows u he isn’t going to stop
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Baby girl, walk away,
You should be his priority being his wife no other should come before you
But its obvious that’s not the case
Sounds like you’re the back up plan
Sweetheart if his ex gives him the green light you will be pushed to the side
And it kinda sounds like it’s already happened
Have some pride and walk away
Your in my prayers
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You go through his phone? I have never gone through anyone’s phone, certainly not my husband’s phone. No telling what stuff is in there that might hurt my feelings or upset me. I am sure I would find SOMETHING to be upset about it I went snooping in another person’s phone. I would rather not know, frankly. I just don’t understand why you would torment yourself. If your gut says something is off, trust it. The proof will only drive you mad. Clearly.
If you don’t or feel like you can’t trust him you have no relationship. Those emotions can eat you alive and why do you want to live like that is the real question you should be asking yourself. If he is having guilt feelings about his ex then he obviously did something wrong to carry that with him into a new relationship. He hasn’t closed that chapter yet and you can’t close it for him. You have trust troubles and he has guilt issues… don’t sound life a good match to me. 
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My husband talked about his first girlfriend the entirety of our 33 year marriage. He finally called her about 10 years before he died. I had a hunch he’d call and complain about me. It was weird and e ery time I brought up how uncomfortable I was with it, he’d reassure me that I was the one he married. She lived 2 states away otherwise I’d have insisted that stop. It wasn’t like he called her on a daily basis. It was harmful to our marriage and I lost all trust in him. I have no idea why he was so open with it, but it destroyed my trust in him. Then he had a “friend” who he said he had confided in about something about ME that was a secret from early in our lives. Right then, I was betrayed and never trusted him again. I loved him and was faithful to him. He died on the sofa in the middle of the night. My heart is still broken. It’s a physical thing when your heart breaks. If I were you, I would INSIST that this come to a screeching halt RIGHT NOW. If he’s not willing to stop any contact with her, you need to walk away. It’s not worth the pain. If it weren’t for my faith in Jesus, I’m sure I would be dead by now. I wish you the best. (PS. There are men who don’t cheat on their wives! Emotional cheating is almost as bad as physical cheating)
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You can’t control him. If he wants to talk to her he will. He’s heard your feelings about it.
Maybe Counseling would help
If your husband does not respect you enough not to be in contact with the X (unless they have children together) then He is a looser. He is staying with you until something better for him comes along. You must never let someone disvalue you or disrespect you. You are worthy of much more. You need to grow a back bone and stand up to this crap.
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He needs to knock that off he’s married and if he doesn’t tell him goodbye
If you don’t trust him, there’s no relationship. If there was a breach of trust before you married him, you always have the thought in the back of your mind and will not trust him fully.
As the saying goes,
Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me
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I have always found the second I felt like I needed to go through a phone or snoop in any way, it was already over. The feeling of suspicion and not knowing isn’t worth it. Not to mention having those suspicions validated. The very second you want to go though his phone it’s over. Go be happy 
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If you have a gut feeling go with it
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Gurrrrlllll leave 
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Drunk man’s words are a sobber man’s thoughts…when their drunk they have the nerve to say it…true story.
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I feel like there’s was red flags before but were not noticed by you. Seems he can’t let her go completely. Talk to her. If she wants him. I’d end it.
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Your feelings should come 1st… I think it’s time to walk away because he won’t listen to you or how you feel… And as Melinda brown said, “a drunk man’s words is a sober man’s thoughts”.
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Stop being so nice to someone that is obviously so selfish, he can’t see in front of him. He misses what he thinks it was…
You have kids? if so he’s a selfish boy - looking for attention and getting away with whatever he can… YOU will always be looking over your shoulders…
TRUST ME/US… if you think it’s more IT IS
Grass is always greener in the old neighborhood, let him go to her yard - then he’ll be texting you that he misses you —
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If you go through his phone because you don’t trust him then you guys shouldn’t b together
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Did you marry while knowing he was still in love with her?? Run… He doesn’t respect you as a person or his wife. Why is he going to respect your wishes on him not talking to her.
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If you have to go through his personal phone then there are some serious trust issues btw I could not be bothered going through a partners phone ! I would ask him any questions and if I felt he was lying to me then when trust is lost All is lost sorry plus he’s totally disrespecting you by continuing to speak to his ex after you have said you don’t like it and if he cheated on you before you married that ring won’t make any difference to him
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You need to stop going through his phone. It isn’t yours would you want him go through your phone or purse? RESPECT goes a LONG way.
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You can not control him or what he feels for someone and demanding him to stop communicating with her only makes him keep it a secret and pushes him further from you and to her…my advice is either ignore it or get a divorce.
This is a either he fixes HIS issue Or you remove yourself from him. That holding on shit is very toxic and not healthy for either of you and its extremely inconsiderate, considering you guys are current PARTNERS. Id divorce him immediately if hes got time to be like that with other bitches.
He cheated BEFORE marriage? Why are you even with him? Drunk honesty is the only true honesty. It’s gibberish sometimes. But still the truth.
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Get out now. My first husband cheated also… It is not worth it. If he cheated once, he will continue to cheat on you. Some men just aren’t worth it. Did you marry so he can cheat on you and hurt you? If he cheated before, he will continue to do it. I am speaking from experience. It is not worth it.
You already know the answer sweetheart. Get out. He clearly doesn’t respect you the way a spouse should. I’m so sorry you’re going through thia
I told my fiancé, it’s either his ex or me. Because I don’t share (even if it’s just his attention). I’m not an option, I’m the only option. So he had to choose.