I think my partners family is toxic: What should I do?

I’m stuck on what to do; I don’t want my partner’s family involved with my daughter until she can decide for her self. I believe my partner’s family is toxic for multiple reasons, and I don’t feel like my daughter or myself is safe with them. I was 15 when I conceived my daughter turned 16 whilst pregnant my partners family tried pressuring me into having an abortion when I refused they turned against me my MIL made my partner move home and filled his head with lies about me she wouldn’t let me over and wouldn’t let him out to see me. I went to her house to pick up some of my stuff, and she had a go at me yelling till her face was red, so I apologized and left my partner defended me and left with me. Since that day, I have been receiving nasty messages from his whole family I’m now at a point where I feel uncomfortable down the street in case I bump into them. I’ve tried so hard with his family especially his mum she wouldn’t talk to me my entire pregnancy then as soon as she heard I was in the hospital she was right there… only for pictures for Facebook she announced the birth of my daughter before my partner and I got a chance to tell anyone. From the moment my daughter was born, she’s tried to control her upbringing, trying to make me use formula instead of breastfeeds. She has always been toxic. She had dhs involved with her so many times because of abuse and neglect towards her own kids. I’ve seen her hit my partner and her other granddaughter. His family is filled with alcoholics and strong drug users I don’t want that brought around my daughter. That’s not even half of it, so should I keep my daughter from his family for her safety or not?

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Yes! Keep her away from all that & yourself.

Do what’s best for your daughter, you’re the mother it’s your job to keep her safe, not satisfy the in-laws. You’re doing the right thing momma.

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Children always grow best away from toxic people. Trust your gut mama

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Not even a question really. This is YOUR child so do what is right for her

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If you don’t feel like your daughter is safe with them, you don’t have to let them in her life. Make sure your partner agrees, you don’t want to stir up bad emotions with him.
Don’t not let them see her, but I wouldn’t leave her alone with them.

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Yes you should!!! Keep you and your baby safe!!!

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Nope nope nope, I wouldn’t allowing it. And I could tell my husband you can see your family as much as you want but my child and myself aren’t gonna be involved or around his toxic family

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A lot of people get involved in these horrible situations that really create so much unnecessary heartache and drama in their lives because of this implied obligation. You don’t need to explain to them or anyone else how, what, why you raise your child.

She’s yours. As long as you are independent from them take the break and don’t let them in until they’ve learned how to act.

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Oh dear LORD…that sucks love I am so sorry!! I…um…well I’m mean and protective and would put ALL OF EM in their place quick and then just stay tf away!!

Yes. If they are toxic to you. They are toxic to her. It’s your child. You don’t have to allow anyone to be in her life the only two people that are truly important is mom and dad.

I would discuss it with your partner first because that’s the respectable thing to do but my secondary advice, cut all ties with them for now, or permanently. You can’t have people like that around your children, if they’re toxic to you, it’s likely they’ll be toxic to your children. Good luck!

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Um yeah. Is that even a question?

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Absolutely keep her away. You can’t replace your child if something were to happen! Prevention is Key!

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At the end of the day that is her family. However, you do not HAVE to involve them. You can always tel her that’s her family, show photos, allow them over to your place under supervision if you’re comfortable, etc. but you you do not HAVE to allow them to be around her if you feel it is a safety issue. This is something that may come between you and your partner, but should be brought up and you should both decide because it is his daughter as well as yours and you must come to an agreement about how to handle the situation. Set boundaries and be stern on them. Stand your ground. It is YOUR child not theirs.

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Definitely keep her away. It is an unsafe environment.

You, your daughter and boyfriend should stay as far away from them as possible!!!

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Oh no they would not be around and I would be Filing restraining orders with all the proof of the texts if that’s possible .

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Keep away. And of you feel scared or threatened by them file a restraining order.

You already know the answer to your queation. You guys need to move away from all that.

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Pace yourself… you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you of the same shit. Set your boundaries now!

Keep her away, she is abusive

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Your kid, your rules.

You have a right to be concerned and to distance. You could try visits in small doses but only when you and the father are present to monitor the situation.

If that doesn’t go well, cut ties and make no apologies. You’re a mother now and your child depends on you for protection.

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Just wipe the assholes, I did this with my partners family, toxic toxic trouble makers it’s been almost 6 years and they don’t and have not met our kids and I love it that way!

I don’t see why you even need to ask.

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Of course you should. You already know the answer, you don’t need approval from us.

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Sounds like a narcissist from hell. If shes abusive keep your kid away from her. If I was put in this position I’d get a ppo on her.

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Tell her to fuck off. Seriously you’re going to be in for a long ass life if you’re putting up with that. Nobody would tell me how to feed my baby, and neither should you. Cut her off. You nor your child should have to put up with her. Smh good luck.

I think you’re going to look back some day and wish you’d moved away from the entire family as soon as you saw the mess.

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Discuss it with your partner so you are on the same page but the only way I’d see them is if it was on your terms, out in a public place but never for them to have your daughter alone or be at their house. You need to remain in control for your safety and your daughters.

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You dont have to do shit. I wouldn’t let my son see them if it was me. Disrespecting me is disrespecting my son and husband. As far as your boyfriend hes a keeper hold on to that one. Many will just sit and watch as there family members attack. My sister was dealing with that it was horrible

Absolutely!. Do NOT let them around your baby. It is perfectly fine to keep toxic people out of yall’s lives. Family or not.

I would stay away and file a restraining order. She sounds abusive and controlling. It’s not good for a child’s wellbeing to see anything like that or to receive it.

Keep her away from that toxicity if she tries to threaten grandparent rights you have proof in messages and life experiences as to why your daughter should not be around her… family or not you have to stand up for your childs wellbeing!

KEEP AWAY!!
They are your partner’s family.
Not your family. Cut contact and move away if you can!!
You cannot have your daughter around that toxicity.

Maybe a restraining order if she has threatened you

Get away while you can…far away! They all sound psychotic!!!

I know exactly what you’re going through. Distance! Lots of distance and boundaries. Your family and the well being of your child comes first.

Stay away from them. Anyone who would try to cause me harm won’t be near my babies.

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Yes. Family is family…but it doesnt have to be blood. Someone as toxic as you described is going to try to manipulate your child as they grow up and it isnt worth it. IF this person wants to be a part of your child’s life, they need to make some major changes that you believe. Too many people think they are entitled to someone’s life just because they are blood related over the fact that it is a privilege to be cared for in someone’s life. Good luck to you and your family. It is hard and was but necessary with toxic people

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You need to keep you AND you daughter away from them.

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Your kid, your rules no exception. She is trying to control you and will do so everytime. Cut her off without conflict. Don’t reply or respond. Don’t even explain

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Yes keep your daughter away from them get a restraining order and a no contact order on every single one of them… Your boyfriend should be backing you up when it comes to his family… your daughter doesn’t need to know nor be around people like that do whatever u need to do to protect you and your daughter

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Normally I’d say no, IN YOUR CASE ID SAY YES. IF THEY ARE A DANGER (VIOLENT) DON’T LET THEM AROUND. If move away if it’s that bad.

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My mother in law isn’t to this extreme but she has said and done things that I will not allow my daughter to be around. My mother in law has made it clear to myself and her son that she doesn’t support this pregnancy. So I told him that when this baby is born MIL and FIL will have no contact until they are able to act appropriately because I will not subject my child to her hateful behavior.

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My children do not see their fathers mother or her side of the family for the reason they are toxic. His mother tried to be controlling, over stepped boundries and was disrespectful. After a second chance and her blowing it by having a birthday party for my kids behind my back I cut ties for good. Then moved 900 miles away and never looked back. My kids and myself have lived the best life being away from them and living away from the drama. When it comes to you and your child do what ever necessary for your happiness. When your child sees you happy and stress free then they will be that way too and if it means cutting ties and moving DO IT! No matter what the relationship!

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If you’re having to question if you should let your daughter around a person or certain ppl then you’ve got your answer Mama…ya just gotta stop doubting yourself. You’re not comfortable with the idea of her being around them so no she shouldnt be around them. Trust your instincts and the feelings you get about things. Good luck

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Stay a way from that family!

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You need to move a good distance away from them with or without him.You dont want your child going through all that.If his mom or family cares they will change and work on building a good trusting relationship with you and your child.You/your partner are responsible to keep your child safe and away from anyone who could cause any kind of harm in any way to your child.You gotta remember that if you allow people to be around your child and something happens you are held responsible as hard as it may be because it’s his family you both have to put your child first.Set strict rules,boundaries and Make sure you keep everything you can that shows how they are because if your partner goes back you may need it in court or if they call dcs on you.Best of luck

I’m sorry your going threw all that but talk to your partner communication is key remember his your Partner not his family sometimes it’s better to stay away from certain family members

Get a restraining order on her to leave

Why are you even questioning if you should keep your daughter away from these people?! Re-read what you wrote like it was written by a stranger…what would you tell that stranger to do?

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Back up and turn around…hard. Serious boundaries and escape routes neccessary.

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Leave! Start a New life without Him and His Family…let your Daughter choose when shes older if she wants them in her life…As long as they are in your life…there’s gonna be trouble…

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You already know the answer but if you need strangers on facebook to tell you then here it is!!! Cut all ties with his family. Simple as that. They have no power over you. That is your child. Keep yourself and your daughter safely away from that toxic family. They cant make you do anything you dont want to do.

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You know the answer to this :roll_eyes:

Would you want someone to let them be around you if you were a child ? No so dont let your child .

Stay away, it’s hard but toxic people aren’t worth it. She deserves a happy family not one that is always fighting

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Yes they might do something to get to get even with you

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RUN you and your partner away from all of them.

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Reas everything you just wrote, what advice would you give that person?

Stand firm if you need to get a restraining order

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Oh dear

This was my situation with my daughter’s dad. I stupidly stayed around them all.

Away from it now as my lg has chose to not see them now but honestly I’d run. Xx

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Oh gosh, you don’t need that crap. Bye, bye. Protect that daughter

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Yes keep her away from them if they want to see her it has to be on your terms

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Absolutely you should keep your daughter from them. And if your partner doesn’t agree leave him too. Your daughter doesn’t need those type of people around her all they will do is talk crap about you to her and try to turn her on you once she is old enough

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Yes and I would leave

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You’ve already answered that yourself love

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Umm, block them all, change your number and if she shows up, call the cops.

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Your duty of care is to your daughter, any time she is at risk of toxic people or situations, your job as a mother is to remove her and protect her.
Send them a final message so you have it to use against them in court for when you get a restraining order which you will need, in the message state in a kind manner you’re discontinuing contact based on… its not a safe environment for your daughter (use her name) be sure to include any necessary inofrmation that will help your court case, then Block them on social media and phone, and have no contact with them again, if they come to your house, ask them to leave (record the conversation for evidence) if they dont leave call the police…
End this cycle now!!

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Seriously? Cut her off!!! That’s obvious.

Stay far away. Document every negative thing they do. Get a restraining order.

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My wife’s mom pimped her and her sisters out to there step dad…amongst other awful things like giving her grandchildren beer (ages2-9 at same time) I still cant convince her to leave that side alone “shes my mom tho” so yea gl

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Grandparents don’t have legal rights unless court ordered.

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Leave. Move if you can and your daughter’s father can either go and be with you her or stay and deal with that mess.

Yes and I would block and have restraining orders against them

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What a vicious horrid waste of oxygen she is.Im sorry but theres just absolutely NO excuse for being a shit human.Thats a narcissistic woman that has no intentions of cooling her nasty down.As for her family that sounds like theyve all had her nasty passed through them.You,your partner(Bless him for choosing his NOW family and your baby) dont need that no way.Blessings to yous

Yes that’s your child nobody can tell you what to do with your own child do what you think is best for your child.

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I wouldn’t let them around her

Clearly nothing positive there stay away 100% plus who the hell is anti breastfeeding??? Must be the spawn of satan lol…

yes they sound like they are psychotic. I would move as far away from her as possible. if necessary have a restraning order on all of them

girl SAME this how my husbands family is !! all of it 100% i live 300 miles away from him an his family currently i go to college here an i don’t trust anyone but my nana to watch my child so the distance is great for us but it prevents her daddy from coming down often enough where our daughter knows who he is it’s hard but it’s working rn bc i hate how his older sibling all do drugs (meth) an i refuse to go to see them or let them hold her when they are around an if my husband ever does it an i catch him i’m getting a divorce the following monday bc i’m not allowing that or anyone who does it around my child

I wouldn’t have people like that anywhere near my kids don’t care who they are

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absolutely stay away from them

It’s a no-brainer to not let them around you or your kids given their current and past actions. If they abused their own biological children then there’s no way I’d let them near mine

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Cut them off all ties. You’re doing the right thing. Stick up for your babies.

Keep your child safe at all costs!!

Keep them away. If you can’t do that than have other people with if they visit to back you up if needed. Never go with MIL alone with baby. There are huge red flags here.
Formula issue- baby wouldn’t be dependent on mom.
DHS past- could end with abuse to your child as well.
Screaming at you until red face- situation could escalate and turn violent

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What are you asking? What to do, baby daddy needs to decide if he wants to be controlled or go with you as you run away from them. Just walk away from all of them except father if he doesn’t choose your child over them. Then file now for primary custody and document everything

“I know bad people. Here’s a list of reasons why they are bad. Should I have my kid around them?” :woman_facepalming:
I can not understand the point of asking these questions when you’ve made your stance clear. Are you expecting outsiders with no information from the other side to tell you why you’re wrong, or are you looking for permission for something you already have made up your mind about?
It’s like a judge asking a random group of people, “should I send this murderer to jail for murdering the person they murdered?” Like… ?

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Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry you have had to endure this type of treatment.

I would go NO CONTACT!!! If they continue to harass you on any level, I would go so far as a restraining order.

Can you move to a different town/state? Where is your family?

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How is this even a legitimate question?

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My sons grandparents (fathers side) have absolutely nothing to do with my son due to how they are… mind you they aren’t drug users but made the comment that they had ‘more important things to worry about’ then even meeting my son… he was already 6 months old and his dad asked them if they would like us to bring him by after a post-surgery check up. They would stay on our case about his medical issues and tell us what we should or shouldn’t be doing when taking care of him, even though they never even seen him other then for 5 mins through the glass of the NICU they day after he was born. I asked them if they really ment what they said IMMEDIATELY after they said it. Told them that if that’s how they felt and wanted to have no relationship with him then that’s fine but they wouldn’t be allowed to walk in and out of his life. The grandmother said to my face that my son wasnt their grandkid and they didn’t have time to worry about him or getting to know him so I simply said ok and to this day we have never spoke again… my son is now 3 1/2 and his dad walked out on the day of his 2nd birthday and that was that. It’s me and my sidekick verse the world and I wouldn’t change a thing. His grandparents put his older brother through hell by calling CPS on the baby momma every chance they got… even sent an officer to her house every single night to do a wellness check for over a month before finally the baby momma took off and moved so they couldn’t bother her anymore ( we visit and video chat his bother as often as we can but,on average, visit once a month and video chat every couple days.) The state ended up sending them paperwork that started if they called and filed another report on ANYONE, and the claim ends up being bogus, they could go to jail for filing false reports.

Point is, ANYONE that you feel are toxic or dangerous for your child, in any way, should be removed from your life… mentally or physical abuse and neglect should never be tolerated.

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Take your own family and move away

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I’m a little confused and have a couple questions. 1) Are you guys still minors? Because you said she MADE him move home and wouldn’t LET him out to see you.
2) Where is your family at? Are they involved? I’m asking because I’m wondering why your family would allow a MINOR to live with her boyfriend and his crazy, alcoholic, drug addicted family. I’m also wondering where your family is while these people are harassing you. If you were my daughter or one of my nieces his family would be DEALT with. To answer your question, YES you should keep your daughter away. HOWEVER, in the event that you and your boyfriend part ways, he can go to get some type of custody/visitation and your daughter will still end up around these morons. Good luck with that.

My ex’s is family is a lot like this, and unfortunately family has rights and if they decide to take you to court and you have no documentation of this they will get visits regardless.

Why is this even a question?

Keep your child away from that Hag.

I was brought up without my dads parents in the picture because of their toxicity. There were a couple moments growing up where I remember not fully understanding my parents point of view when my grandmother would try to reach out to me behind my parents back when I was young. But as an adult, I appreciate what my parents decided. It must have been hard for them, but I know as an adult having made an effort to see my grandmother, that she was and is still toxic. I now have a boundary with her that I don’t need to worry about. I can reach out when needed to send greetings on a holiday or birthday, but it ends there.

There is nothing wrong with protecting your children from any toxic relationship… even if those relationships are family and blood. Be prepared for there to be tough times regardless what you decide.

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