I think my toddler has an unhealthy attachments to my husband: Thoughts?

I think my two years old has grown to have an unhealthy attachment to my husband. My husband has been home with us since March, and for most of this year, I’ve been pregnant and sick. My daughter has been very attached to my husband because he babies her much more than I do. He picks her up and carries her around, snuggles her in bed all night long, she follows him everywhere, and when she has a meltdown or scrapes her knee, his affection towards her is sort of over-exaggerated (“It’s okay, it’s okay, give me a hug. I love you. Give me another hug, it’s okay.” Etc.) And I’m just thinking; it’s not a crisis hun- let’s not make this something it’s not. :sweat_smile: Well, now we have a new baby. And it’s worse. She will not sleep without him next to her snuggling, and she has meltdowns, sobbing, and crying when he goes to the bathroom at night. Some nights I try to pass the baby off to him for a couple of hours so I can have a break, but I don’t get a break because then I have a screaming toddler in bed with me while he rocks the baby in the living room. I usually just give up and send her out to him and take the baby back. The daytime isn’t as bad. I’ve been able to watch her while he leaves the house for a bit, and she seems okay. I’m dreading him going back to work at 5 am because she will not sleep without him, and I don’t know how I’m going to manage a newborn and a crying toddler at 5 am, trying to get them down to sleep. We do have a family bed. Any advice? How do we even start to navigate this transition?

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Ummm sounds like jealousy.

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Id love it if my toddler was attached to someone other than me. Hes glued to my ass. You should slowly start having your husband leave the bed early every morning so she can adjust when he returns to work.

Have more mommy and daughter time when the baby is asleep, give her the attention like him. She may be having changed feelings about the change in the family and doesn’t know how to explain it to you guys.

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Your husband being a good dad bothers you??

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Awe she loves her daddy. Be happy, there are so many children who don’t get the chance to be the apple of their daddy’s eye.

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My son favors his dad too. Daddy babies him and mommy is mean and makes him eat healthy food and tells him no.

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Okay first off it’s not unhealthy for her to be attached to her father like that if it’s not unhealthy for a toddler of the same age to be attached to the mother like that but just try to get him to stop babying her as much and maybe the nights you need a break from newborn don’t give her a choice eventually she’ll learn it’s okay to be away from daddy sometimes I had to do the same with my son mostly just not letting him in the bathroom with me and he’s pretty good about it now

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Be glad they have a healthy father daughter relationship. A lot of daughters don’t have that! My daughter is attached to my hip. She loves her daddy but I wish she was attached to his hip more then mine so I can get stuff done. :rofl::rofl::rofl: she’s probably jealous and maybe you aren’t giving her the same love and attention as dad is. Start spending more time with her and being like that to her and she will get better. She’s only two. Her daddy is her safe place.

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Sounds like she feels the love and affection from him, and hasn’t bonded with you in the same way. Spend time with her :woman_shrugging:t3:

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He’s just being a good dad…

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Im sorry i agree it us unhealthy. Start transitioning her to her own bed and you should try to do more for her while the baby is down. ALSO let her help with the baby she maybe trying to comnunicate feelings that ahe cat articulate.

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Sounds like she’s lucky to have one loving parent :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Your going to be fine, but be prepared for more melt downs once your husband goes back to work you need to set boundaries, this will help the whole family . Boundaries are a wonderful thing to teach your children they will function better as adults also .

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the way this is written sounds like you might need to open your heart to her bit more. shes attached to him because he is showing her the love she needs right now. babies take a lot of attention away and can make a kid feel insecure.

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He’s being a good parent to a small child who just lost her mom to illness and then got a brand new sibling. If this was you you’d be bitching that you’re just being a good mother. It sounds like youre just jealous honestly.

I agree that sounds like a nightmare. How will she learn to self cope with dad?
And you poor thang! Seriously mama, dang!
Id start by transitioning her into her own bed before he goes back to work.
Also take dates with her. Mommy daughter dates.

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Is him being a good dad to his daughter bad gosh you should be thankful he is some dads don’t do nothing or are not as involved… your daughter is going through a difficult time it’s hard to have a new sibling around

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She’s going through a really big change right now. Daddy getting to be home more and a new baby. what she’s going through is normal. my 2 year old went through the same thing.

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Maybe you can let her help with the new baby, go get a diaper

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Your kids are only little and want this kind of love for so long. Let them love each other and join in!

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Nothing wrong he just a wonderful dad.

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Wow my head hurt reading this. You should be happy she has a great relationship with her dad and that he cares about her. Not mad🤔

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My son is like that towards me.

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Sounds like you need to start bonding more with your daughter to show her love and affection too, and dad sounds like he’s an amazing father.

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This is awesome. My daughter is the same way, but she is this way with both of us. Although she doesn’t sleep with us at all. She has her own bed in her own room, she goes to bed by 830 every night even if she has to cry it out. You just need to get her, her own sleeping space, not in your room or with y’all. Once you can do that I think it’ll be okay.

Also keep in mind, if you’re so busy with the baby she may feel pushed aside and she’s looking to daddy for attention. Daddy must realize this and feel bad.

Spend more time with her, she probably just misses having all of you.

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Attached to her dad or your husband​:thinking::thinking:

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Sleep train your daughter. It will be hard for a few nights but will be worth itb

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Sounds like a healthy relationship. It more sounds like she doesn’t get this from you and she feels loved by him. Its healthy to want to feel safe and loved. Maybe you should try bonding with her and giving her cuddles.

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She’s 2. She needs love and affection. She’s having trouble adjusting to the new baby. Let them work it out and focus on your relationship with the new little one. She’ll let you know what she needs and will adapt if it’s no longer possible. Don’t cut off affection from a toddler. She’s practically a baby still herself.

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Jealousy is not a good quality to have towards your husband and daughter’s relationship

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Be patient with her. She is two and getting to have undivided attention from dad while you take care of the baby. It sounds like you’re expecting her to be okay and well-adjusted to big changes (dad being home and a new baby). Love on her even more.

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Sounds like she’s a daddy’s girl :face_with_raised_eyebrow:… but damn let you’re husband be a father… sounds like you got issues

This is a horrible group

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This is the most messed up post I’ve ever read. You’re husband loves you’re daughter unconditionally do not Sabatoge that because it’s not something you see often or have experienced. My daughters like this with my husband and with me and I would never take that away from either of them.

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I had that dad. Guess what? I live a healthy life. No odd attachments to him. I’m able to go days without talking to him. I love him and will die when he does, but I am able to live my life.

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My 2yr old daughter is like that towards me & her dad she’s daddy’s little girl nothing wrong with that bond with your son

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How can an attachment to a parent be unhealthy?

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I have no advice besides just soak up all of the love and all of the aggravation. HE IS THERE! That’s alot more than some people can say. She loves him and he’s there for yall. So many kids I know cry for their dads but that’s because their dad is absent! Everyone is out of routine right now so give her time to adjust and LET her soak up dads attention.

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My daughter is the same way with her dad. When she cries she goes right to him and walks right past me, she wants him all the time

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Uuuuugh…I am the parent my 3 year old is attached to…Been out of work since March 15,I am a waitress…COVID-19 lockdown hit our area I was in my first trimester. High risk pregnancy with a clingy 3 year old is rough. Especially with no job to have a 10 hour break…My son is one month old.so now I have a titty monster attached to my body every hour on the hour and a 3yr old who has serious seperation anxiety…I love my boys and my boys love their dad but believe me it gets rough and Dad gets jealous cuz he feels like they dont need or want him…It affects his bond with our newborn.He helps out when he can but it’s so frustrating because the boys just need/want me ALL the TIME…Be happy your baby has such a great bond with Daddy…Appreciate it because it sounds like He will continue to be her GO TO GUY when the baby comes…You’re gonna need the help cuz its ALOT dealing with a newborn and toddler. She knows you’re going thru changes.babies know and feel more than we give them credit for…She wants reassurance the love ain’t gonna change.she needs all those cuddles now and she’s gonna need more when sibling arrives…
I had to pry my crying 3 year old off my leg when his dad went to take him to get his haircut with a fussy newborn on my tit…Be happy Daddy is involved. You really cant baby a baby/toddler…we,as parents,are their safe place. We are their kisses,hugs,cuddles.They learn trust,love,and honor from the example we set…and NOBODY gonna love on these babies like mommy and daddy…Plus kids switch off on preference of parents…So clinging to Daddy MAY change up when baby comes…

What is a family bed?

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Awww. They do that. Then they go back to you then back again. Just go with it and show support.

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Lol let him be a father let the child love that man. Im a daddys girls was same way he had to tuck me in which he did every night. They’ll come back in time. Let it happen. Im in a custody battle now and want nothing more than my son having both of us equally.

She’s 2…she wants her dad…there’s nothing wrong with that…

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Wow!! So harsh and judgy. Be nice. Nothing wrong with dad loving his daughter but kids need to sleep in their own beds so they have some time as husband and wife. Starting that transition will be hard… She has a new baby as well so trying to navigate life. Ma’am just take your post down. This isn’t going to help with what you are going through.

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You lost me at unhealthy attachment. Some kids don’t even have a dad in their lives at all

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Shoot… I wish my kids were that attached to their dad so I could get a freakin break :joy: Everything you described is how my daughters, especially my youngest. She is very attached to me. It’s mainly an age thing especially with toddlers. Usually it’s mom, but now you’ve got your hands full with the baby.

My advice is to plan mommy daughter dates! I do this with my oldest so my youngest spends time with her dad. I take her to run errands or out to eat or to the park :blush:

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2 years old is still a baby… Children don’t even regulate their emotions until around 5/6… You should read a few books on child development and it’ll help you understand what she is feeling and why she is how she is. (Not being rude because this group can be cut throat, just thinking it’ll help)

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Lol you sound very jealous. My husband hardly takes time off of work, he works 7days a week for 4-6 weeks at a time, so he is our daughters favorite person in the whole world. She has to fall asleep with him every night and always wants him…

You should be happy that they have such a good relationship and that he actually wants to spend time with his kid and doesn’t just ignore her

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You had another kid during a pandemic and she regressed just like kids always do during stress. Study child development and don’t expect kids to make life easy when theirs just went to shit.

But I wouldn’t say her attachment to dad is unhealthy. She’s 2. I wouldnt expect a 2 year old to handle 2 big changes like an adult. It just sounds like you’re frustrated and need a break from the baby.

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I’m not sure why so many are attacking I hope whoever asked this is still reading the comments jeez… it sounds like she had this issue before the baby was born ideally that would have been the best time to address these things, but first thing is your husband must be on board or this won’t work. I would see about using his shirt or something as a comfort thing for her make a tiny shirt from his & put it on a stuffed animal he picks out for her let him give it to her he gave it lots of his hugs & kisses & explain it’s there to cuddle & hug her when he can’t be like when he has to go back to work start telling her he will be going back a round about time frame & have him give it extra hugs everytime y’all put her in her bed that’s in your room because that’s the second thing you need is her own bed that way when he has to start back him getting up doesn’t wake her with his movements he has to make her new big girl bed a big deal & then he can start by reading to her or singing whatever giving love & then he can sit on the floor next to her bed until she falls asleep i dont know how long you have but at least give it two days then he should move farther from her bed now the most important part is she’s gonna try to talk to him or get him to give her kisses etc the first time he gives hugs again says I love you the second time he says bed time & lays her back down any other times he says NOTHING no matter how much she cries etc yes it will upset the baby yes it may be more work but eventually he should get where he’s in the bed with you & baby if Co sleeping & her in her bed with daddy’s cuddles & hugs from the stuffed animal daddies in the room etc then maybe have him make her a video of him saying daddy loves you & her name so if she wants him while he’s gone she can watch the video you can remind her daddy will be home later & then distract her. Sorry this is so long & I hope it helps.

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Let her have a relationship with her father my daughter’s father doesn’t have anything to do with her and I wished he would

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You make it seem like it’s so wrong for her to like and prefer her father. If you treated her like he treats her instead of just passing her off maybe she wouldn’t act the way she does with you. Be nice to her. She is your child and you are molding her psyche and her emotional understanding of love. Dont ruin her like you clearly have been already.

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Is this post for real? The whole story seems weird and the mother in question needs to go see a counsellor. I see a lot of unhealthy jealousy and for some reason I’m uneasy . The mother scares me , thats all I can say.

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Please remember that 2 years old is still a baby.
What is it that you want exactly? A stronger bond with you daughter? The separation anxiety to lessen? Is your husband her dad or step dad? (not that it matters, a special bond is a special bond). Do you want your husband to pay more attention to you?
You’ve asked about navigating a transition, but the long post suggests that you need something else. If you’re feeling left out, that’s understandable, there’s ways to work through that

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He is being a great dad but he needs to start putting her in her own bed and leaving her there to self sooth if necessary and you need to start putting some one on one time out with her yourself.

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You have a family bed… if you arent willing to get her a bed of her own i dont see the problem with her snuggling her father every night since yall share the bed. There is nothing unhealthy about a 2 year old having a clingy phase with so much change going on in her little world. Dads suddenly home more, new baby, you said you were sick meaning dad did more for her most likely during those times so you could rest or whatever… You are all co-sleeping if i understood correctly so if you dont want her to be so attached, maybe start with getting her own bed/own room to sleep in. And do it now before shes older and its even harder to sleep train her. Also include her when doing things for or with the new baby so she doesnt feel left out. Its normal toddler behavior, all of this. The only unhealthy thing imo is the way you worded this… I cant tell if you are feeling jealous or resentful of your 2 year old or of your husband :woman_shrugging:

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That’s definitely not weird for a 2 year old to act like that with a parent especially the parent who gives more attention & is not viewed as the primary disciplinary. And I think you’re making unhealthy assumptions in your head just because a man loves his daughter and shows her completely appropriate affection. There is an age where it becomes odd to snuggle all night with your dad but that age is definitely nowhere near 2.

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I’m kinda appalled at this post. I’ve never seen someone cry over the fact that their child loves their dad. There is nothing wrong with that nor do I see it as unhealthy… also, there is nothing wrong with the way he comforts her. He feels that’s what is best to make her feel safe and secure… She is two. You seem to be making a much bigger deal of it than needs to be.

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I think you should talk to your Dr. It sounds like you may have some post partum depression going on. What’s unhealthy is the detachment I see towards your older daughter. Please lay out all your feelings to your Dr and let him/her help you to work things out.

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She just loves her daddy :woman_shrugging:t3:

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My girls were that way with their dad and outgrew it as they became more independent and my son was that way with me. It’s just the way it is, they need love and attention, not little very long. Be thankful he’s willing and she loves him. So many kids don’t have that.

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My son is this way with both his dad & me. It’s not unhealthy, it’s very normal. You sound a tad bit jealous. How about pay her more attention & she will be okay. When my son gets hurt (almost two) I do the same thing, he seeks comfort. Navigate the situation by bonding with her :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Mommy her when you are doing things ex: I have my toddler sit on the counter while I’m fixing her food and I have her walk with me outside to dump the trash. You have to include her when the baby is around. I tell look at your baby bother give him a kiss mamma. I also bought her a baby doll to play with. It takes time though but it’s possible now my daughter is 2 and a half and my son is 10 months and they almost play with each other.

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I don’t think they have an attachment problem it’s just him showering his daughter with all the love and affection that he can. Not to mention this a common problem with toddlers when you have a newborn. Yes she’s a toddler but she requires just as much love and attention as the baby and dad is making sure that happens. Yes she sleeps in your bed but if you’re consistent and make her sleep in her own bed she will get the hang of it. Having dad sit with her in her room til she fall asleep.

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Why don’t you snuggle her and show some affection? Sounds more jealous then anything. She’s 2 and has been the only child until now and that just makes it worse. Seems like a bond between you and your child was missing before the new baby.

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My son was all about mommy until I gave birth to his little brother (when he was 1 1/2) he switched to dad. I was a little jealous at first, seems he was always such a momma’s boy.lol.i was also happy he had such a bond with his dad, especially seems I wasn’t able to give him as much attention. He started going to dad when he got hurt, and loved cuddling him. He still wanted me at bed time though. it sounds like maybe you are a bit over extend with the baby? Angry with you’re daughter for taking her dad’s attention. Maybe talk to the doctor to make sure you are not dealing with a little postpartum depression. 2 is still young, it is hard to have another family member added. she deserves to have that bond with someone, and receive that attention. I would say focus on developing a better relationship between you and you’re daughter, especially before he returns back to work, make it easier transition for all of you.

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That’s not an “unhealthy” attachment… that’s a daddy’s girl who is very little and is having a hard time dealing with a newborn sibling. She’s two. She’s still practically a baby herself.

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Sounds to me that you’re very jealous

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Well, I wouldn’t use the word unhealthy because that makes it seem unseemly in a sexual way. So pick another word. But you are correct in everything else- hubby has created a baby monster. HE needs to be the one to correct the behavior. It just cannot come mostly from you. HE needs to do it. If he’s too soft and doesn’t want to, then tell him to man up because she’s his creation.

Wow… What did I just read???

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Thank the gods that baby has that daddy… For real. Smh

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Sounds normal… My daughter loves her father. She’s 2 and very attatched as well. We have a 10 month old son as well and she didn’t have a crises with the new baby but due to me having to tend to the lil one she did spend a lot more time with her father. I woukd recommend transitioning her into her own bed though. My children all went to sleep alone at 3 months or younger to avoid bed sharing issues… And thats made the transition a lot easier when younger kids came along

This is super sweet. I was attached to my dad like this but none of my kids got attached to their dad. I’ve always hoped they would! Unfortunately my 2 youngest kids cling to me 24hrs a day, it ain’t fun😂

I think your daughter will eventually transition well after the new baby, don’t worry! Be happy she has this kind of bond with her father.

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My 4 year old is like this w her dad. Nothing is wrong at all that’s just his little girl. And I happen to love seeing her dad make sure she feels safe & all that affection etc. it’s just daddies little girl

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Ok i think your wording on your post is what’s getting the rise because at first I was thinking “um… huh?” But I don’t see this as a weird attachment thing but more of an issue with your husband babying her maybe? I’d be frustrated with him for feeding into or giving in during meltdowns because it does no one any justice. He could maybe use some coaching and work on ways to transition the sleeping habits he’s created. I’d try talking to him and starting little goals of change. Start trying to take over some of the normal daddy stuff. Don’t give in when she cries if daddy is getting baby time, I mean the giving in is the real issue here. But she’s still a baby herself! Don’t make it weird. It’s not weird. Just frustrating and will take work.

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You just had a new baby. Of course she’s gonna seek attention. What the heck??

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The anonymous person is a narcissist mother!

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This isn’t unhealthy. It’s normal, difficult but normal.

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Maybe when your husband goes back to work have him give her a pillow with his shirt on it. She can squeeze it when she misses him!

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I would start off by putting her to bed in her own room and just let her cry. It will be rediculous for a bit but hang in there.

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Wtf! Do you show her any kind of attention or do anything with her that resembles you as a parent… And by saying
“Oh I watch her during the day”… You don’t watch your own kid. You parent her, you be active in her life…

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I’m struggling to find the unhealthy part of this. She’s a normal 2 year old. Maybe it’s upsetting you because she wants her dad more than you. Also, it’s known that when a new baby comes along the older one will tend to revert and want to be babied more. She’s 2 not 7.

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Shes a daddys girl leave them alone. Stop over thinking things. They are bonding. You will adjust to your new schedule and what is going around. Its not easy but you’ll learn how to do it.

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Supernanny has great tips on sleep training your toddler into her own bed. Also, tips for her clingy behavior. BUT you both have to do it together and be consistent! The earliest you start the better. Get a routine and schedule down.

Make a bedtime routine!
Bath
Jammies
Brush teeth
And read to her!

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Well, hun no wonder she’s attached to her dad more than you. Sounds like you don’t care much about your first born because that’s how you nurture a child. Like what her daddy is doing to her.

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Quick! Go to work before he does and leave him with the shitstorm he’s created!
And rethink that family bed if it’s not all you thought it would be. Your sanity is so important. If he went back to work and left me with a child screaming for him incessantly while I was new-baby sleep deprived, I’d have to find her a sitter.

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I’m going to repeat this because I don’t want it to get lost. Please get checked for post partum depression.

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Be greatful they are not both up YOUR arse all the time. Most toddler and newborn siblings are all about mama. It’s sweet, not unhealthy.

I feel your being jealous of your husband & little girl’s closeness. Your daughter is so lucky she has a father who loves her, why is it an issue? I was a papa’s girl, my father put me to sleep most of the time, prepared my meals & even skipped work just to babysit me when I was little. It’s normal.

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How is this unhealthy?

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most likely just a faze and it will pass

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So you’re mad because your daughter loves her dad? Jfc :roll_eyes:

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It’s not unhealthy for her to love her daddy. It’s unhealthy for her mom to be jealous of her loving her daddy though…

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Ummmm… It’s called having kids and being a parent. Bless your heart. What you want him to do? He is just being a REAL dad. Count your blessings and stop whinging cause everything and ain’t about you any more.

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(Im gonna post this here in the main comments too. Though I originally replied to someone.)(then I added more to my comment.)

I think it’s more. She’s (the daughter) gonna have seperation anxiety when he goes back to work and the child favors daddy hardcore right now because he’s more attentive due to her (mother) being sick with HG and was also growing life in her body. Daddy has had a chance to be a single parent in a way even unintentionally. And now she (mother) needs advice to find a new balance and how to appease her (daughter) because she’s concerned about the stress (could cause postpartum depression) that two little ones being overwhelming can be and the biggest comfort to the child is the father right now who won’t be able to be there physically to help calm the situation of a newborn and toddler together. Especially one that’s super attached. That’s my take. She layed out the scene to me of how the child became so attached to daddy. It also sounds like she needs more one in one time. I’d suggest she read books, sing songs, go for a car ride together, etc, and have daddy watch baby a few times for strictly bonding time between mother and daughter and before you know it, it’ll be easier. Less tears, less worry, and it’ll give daddy time to bond one on one with baby boy. It’ll be hard at first for everyone and she’s gonna think it’s crazy but tough it through. She just needs to make some new loving and fun memories with mommy and learn who she (mommy) is now that she’s not so sick from hg now just that mommy is exhausted from having a new baby but that she can find comfort in mommy too. The super attachment won’t be as hardcore and things should balance out more.

This is just my perspective but I’ve witnessed second hand what postpartum is like. I’m an ex daycare assistant teacher and just observing children and various family situations. And that’s what I’m pulling from in my opinion. I think it’s brave for someone to ask this question because sometimes you unintentionally resent your child’s relationship with another member. But you just have to do remind yourself that it’s not personal and your not yourself. Before mommy was pregnant and so sick she was likely more hands on involved and attentive, now she’s getting over HG AND has a newborn and is exhausted. And remember to appreciate daddy for being such a huge role and helpful more than you realize when things calm down. Also remember moments are temporary, there just moments. It can get better with each passing day and you’ll find that connection and that sleep you’re craving. It’ll get better sis, (whomever you are.) Breath and get a check up for postpartum, I feel it could be early signs.

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Just grow up already please before you reproduce anymore

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Why is it unhealthy attachment?? Xx maybe she loves what he gives and if ur husband is the father of your youngest and ur other child feels that and your ok with him around your child (the child has a 6th sense ) don’t see the problem to be honest xx :heart:

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