I don’t know if this is the kind of thing I’m allowed to ask here but I thought I would give it a shot. So I’m 33 years old and I’ve been with a man for over 10 years, and before that only men too. I’ve always felt more attracted to women though. I just have never told anyone or tried to to that route. Lately it seems like I’m not “into this” relationship to my significant other. He asked what was happening with us and I did not lie, nor did I blame him at all. I finally for the first time ever let it out that I may be more attracted to women then men. He basically downed me and told me I’m screwed up in the head and that I should have thought about that before I became a mother. He also stated that he won’t stand for our children having 2 moms and a dad cause that’s just weird. I understand I “could have said something sooner”. I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself and I wasn’t raised to be comfortable being that open. I more or less was scared to come out, and now I’m not sure what to do. He is a great father and I love him alot, he is my best friend but the real me inside feels unattached. I just don’t want to live a lie anymore. Any other moms ever feel this way? Or have any advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I told my husband I was more attracted to women: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Stop wasting this man’s time. Go live your truth
I’m not in this situation but I have a few friends who are. If he doesn’t understand that this is just who you are And now is the time you are comfortable in that,then maybe it’s time to move on and make yourself truly happy. Having 2 moms is OK. Having two dads is OK. I have numerous friends who are doing it and killing it!
You gotta do what feels right to you mama.
Yes u couldve said something sooner.
But that’s a closet thing you had to come to.
He has no rights to say who u can be with lol
Your child may very well end up with 2 moms and a dad if u take that route.
But if youre not feelin it with him, dont be half in half out.
Do it right or not at all!
You know now. And so does he.
Ultimately it’s not his decision whether you end up with a woman or not. When it comes down to it, he has no say in it. But with that being said, you need to end things with him now. Stop leading him on. It’s not fair to him or your children.
Leave him and figure yourself out
Paiton Jo Mills any advice? 
You could have a three sum type relationship
You are who you are and you can’t help who you are attracted to!!! If you feel you want to be with a woman then you go ahead and do what makes you happy! There was a point where i felt i was attracted to women so i’ve tried it, and I happened to figure out I love men. I’m very happy with my boyfriend. You do what YOU feel is best and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I’ve been there. My advice is to establish yourself so you’re in a position to leave. Then go an explore what it’s like to date women. Your kids will be fine having two mom’s. He doesn’t get a say in the matter. All you and your children need is for you to be happy and you’ll begin to become miserable and resentful if you stay in your marriage when it’s clear you want to be with a woman. You deserve true love and happiness and your kids deserve to be raised in that type of environment.
Hey its okay for kids to have two moms or two Dads.
Sadly your husband has shown he’s h0mophobic. Leave him get a lady they better anyways .
I came out at 12 pan and demi
I literally came out to my husband a week ago. He’s the only man I’m attracted to… I’ve been with him for 12 1/2 years. Other than that, I’m solely attracted to women.
To me, it sounds like the relationship is over, and that you need to find yourself. I believe he could have acted better about it and you two could have had a conversation like adults instead of him telling you you’re messed up. But I also understand his frustration. 10 years is a long time.
This isn’t something you choose. And coming out is terrifying as hell. You can message me if ever you need to talk about it. 
I’m proud of you for telling him.
If you need go explore that route. Go ahead and do it. He is still in love with you and can’t see you with someone else, especially a woman is a threat to his masculinity.
I think he needs to figure his head out and let you go and live your life. If he is a homophobic it is his problem, not yours. Just go out into the world and live your life. You will find a good women for you in the future.
Gay men have DONT THIS to women for ages. Your just going to have to put your big girl panties on and accept respnsiblity and be YOU.
Spouses get really pissed over this sort of stuff. You choose the “safe” route.
Now you want to live your life.
Opps children and husband.
You are free to be who you are. You need to let your husband go so he can be happy as well. Let him take care of the kids in their already established home while you figure things out.
Your kids deserve a happy and authentic mom. That is all they will care about. It doesn’t matter if he agrees or not. Do what makes you happy.
you got to be to true to who you are! everything else will fall into place accordingly!
He should support you and honestly well done for actually saying something! There is nothing wrong with kids having 2 mums or even 2 dads. That his own issue he has to deal with. We live in 2022 now… things have changed!! -
If you want to be with women that is fine and if you want to stay with your husband that is also fine. - do what is best for you and make you happy!
He will come to terms with it eventually. Good luck!
Im proud of you first off. 
you are.on the way to being who you truly are and there’s nothing wrong with that. I am pan sexual and haven’t had many relationships with women but sometimes I wish I wasn’t so afraid of what others thought about me and tried more. I’m happy with my man and he knows I like women too. It’s OK for kids to grow up with two moms or dads. More people to love and give love. He is homophobic but funny thing is all men who say that bet you can find lesbian shit in their browser or phone. With that being said go live your life!!! He can’t keep kids away from you regardless of your sexual orientation. You deserve happiness. 
be who you are unapologetically and you’ll teach you kids to go after their dreams and to never settle too. With love 
It doesn’t matter what he’ll “stand for.” He doesn’t get to tell you that you aren’t allowed to be with anyone you choose, male or female, and no judge will allow that.
I went through this. However he knew before we were married that I was bi. After a conversation three years into our marriage he said I was disgusting and i repulsed him because of my sexuality. It only got worse from there. I am a happily divorced woman of 11 years and every single day of my life is better than the day before. Do not let him shame you. Do not let him bring you down. You do NOT deserve that. Coming out is a HUGE thing. I suggest some soul searching. If you feel this way now and stay what is it going to be like? You deserve to have the life of your dreams.
Possibly seek help for this mental illness
Do you be happy life is too short.
Go to couples therapy. If only tonhelp him understand and to be more open and learn how to co parent in the case of a split. Because in reality if you guys get divorced he can’t stop you from dating or marrying a woman. So if that’s the route you want he needs to get get used to the idea. And not be a jerk because of the kids.
You should not feel bad about not coming out sooner you were clearly not ready , in my opinion the marriage is over when you are not longer attracted to one another , I will not ask for a divorce but for a separation so you can find your true self.
Go and explore and try to find what you have been missing in life .
Yes , will be difficult for your husband but he can’t expect you to keep living a lie , and try to keep your kids away from the situation they do not need to be involved into anything of this matter until you guys find out what to do and how to handle the situation.
They will only have one mom and one dad
You need to ask God for help
Be happy! You only have one life, and he doesn’t get to dictate yours. I’ve seen parents of the same gender that take really good care of their kids, and other parents that don’t, so don’t fall for that. He has to learn how to deal with it, even if it hurt him. Good luck to you.
You only get one life. Live it how you feel and what makes you happy. You child will be ok with today’s time having two moms or two dads isn’t as uncommon as when we were children and I’m sure they will still love you and seeing happy is what counts.
I have a guy friend hes pansexual but he’s a good dad you’re husband needs help go explore you’re kids might like having two mom’s more than you think or he knows .
You only have one life to live, would be a shame to live it in a way that isn’t being true to yourself.
Girl you haven’t done anything wrong. Your kids will be fine with two moms. Leave and find your truth.
You can’t spend your life pretending to be happy. If you aren’t happy, find your happiness.
Everyone is making it as it’s his fault he’s not the one with the problem but then again I’m not for the same sex partner
You are not a terrible person. You aren’t weird. You aren’t messed in the head. You were honest and he didn’t like it.
I’m bisexual and turning 31. I’ve been out since I was 7. I’ve had multiple girlfriend’s and boyfriend’s in my life time. My ex knew I was bisexual when we got together. After a few years, that’s when he let it be known how he actually felt about my sexuality. I dated a woman after I left my ex. He said it was disgusting that my kids might call her mom in a few years. Her and I didn’t end up working out but the point is, don’t let him shame you for being yourself. What will happen if your kids come out as anything other than straight ? How is he going to treat them ? I’d move on and find someone else. Experience the things you want to without fear of judgement.
Just my opinion. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being more attracted to women, but looking at this through your husbands perspective I’m sure this has to hurt him. I can’t imagine creating a family/marriage with someone for 10 years for them to tell me they are more into the opposite sex. He’s more than likely saying hurtful words, because he is hurt and we’re all guilty of it.
Don’t take it to heart. He’s just upset and hurt right now. I’ve been in his position because my ex is gay. Yes, you definitely should have said something sooner but you can’t go back in time. And maybe if you had said something you wouldn’t have the children you have now. Everything happens for a reason and this is the way it was meant to be. You have to be yourself and maybe he will find someone that makes him happy. Your children also deserve to see happy homes and happy relationships whether it is with one mom and one dad, 2 moms and one dad, or 3 moms and one dad.
Don’t take it to heart. He’s just upset and hurt right now. I’ve been in his position because my ex is gay. Yes, you definitely should have said something sooner but you can’t go back in time. And maybe if you had said something you wouldn’t have the children you have now. Everything happens for a reason and this is the way it was meant to be. You have to be yourself and maybe he will find someone that makes him happy. Your children also deserve to see happy homes and happy relationships whether it is with one mom and one dad, 2 moms and one dad, or 3 moms and one dad.
Live your truth, i am Bisexual and since i recongnized who i am as a person it is a better life for me
First you guys need separate therapy and to get healthy before any type of couples therapy. Idk if he’s being hurtful bc he’s abusive or lashing out. Either way it’s not cool. Please if you feel he’s unsafe protect yourself and the children. Your kids will do better seeing a parent be true to themselves over a mom whose miserable trying to bury herself and become a fake person.
Personally Amy e you aren’t into this relationship bc Thai is who your partner truly is and that is a turn off. Also if I were you I’d go ahead and start looking at lawyers and such to protect yourself and the kids.
1sy you need to be true to yourself with no regrets, 2nd I understand he is angry and he is hurt but shaming is never ok, give him time to process and then try talking with him again. But maybe this time with counseling, I wish you both the best no matter the outcome.
Maybe you could try inviting other women to the bedroom:) all guys dream of a threesome and maybe the experience would make you all closer:/ idk
Well he has no control over who you date or are with if and when you break off your relationship. He’s lashed out because he’s hurt he’s not enough for you. Know that there is nothing wrong with being a mother and liking the same sex. The world today is very accepting as a whole about your sexual choices. Don’t worry about what he is saying. Break it off and live for you as long as your children are cared for that’s all that matters. It’s your choice. Live your life.
I went thru same thing. I have two adult kids myself. I finally came out at 36. Live the real you. Your husband can not tell you that your kids cant have two moms and a dad becuz mine do. He may think its weird but lets face it we are in the 20th century. This is normal for todays society. Not sure the age of your kids but explain to them how you feel. You still love their father but you are not attracted to him physically and you need to live your true you. My kids didnt like it nor do they not like im engaged to a transgender but they will come around. The ppl that dont support you dont need to be in your life. I have cut quite a few out of mine. Hold your head high and go live for who you truely are and have no fear.
Well one thing is for sure he can’t tell you how to feel and he can’t take your kids for it either. He doesn’t understand and probably never will. You do you but your kids come first. You can make it work.
I’m sorry you feel this way and I pray you find peace but I have to side with him. You made vows and commitments. You may need to rethink your path in life but he has a right to feel slighted and heartbroken too.
My sister in law has lived this life for 25 years. Before meeting her husband, she ONLY dated women exclusively. I personally think that she only got married to a man, bc she knew that both her Mom and Dad would’ve never accepted her gay. It’s been a sh*t show ever since. She’s made a mockery of what a marriage is supposed to be. Deep down, I truly wish that she would’ve listened to her heart, and not try to change who she was on the inside.
The happiest I ever seen my mother was when she decided to be true to herself and love who she loved when I was 12. Your happiness is important. I would seek couples counseling and see where you want to go from here with your husband.
Time to dump your behind
Thankfully if yall break up, he doesn’t have a choice who you date or if your kid has two moms and a dad. Not his choice! Assign a parenting plan and go shine bright like a diamond girl!
I felt the same way and left a very comfortable and secure marriage. My ex husband is one of my best friends and we talk multiple times a day - because of the housing crisis, he’s moving into my in-law apartment this month. I’ve been with my partner (a woman) for almost 4 years and we got engaged last summer. Your happiness is worth it - even though I have struggles, I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.
This is definitely a him problem! It’s not weird having two moms and a dad. And just because you’re coming out, doesn’t make you ANY less of a mother. You’re allowed to be you. You are allowed to be attracted to whoever you feel attracted to - and you’re absolutely not wrong for that! I am sorry he didn’t react well to that. I’m here for support if you need it 
It isn’t his call who you love or how you spend your time. You have the absolute right to your own happiness and it’s hilarious he thinks he has some claim on that. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I think the best thing you can do is get the parenting time and property sorted and get a divorce. Move forward.
He is not your best friend.
Happened with me too, I think I always knew but was too scared. But I have been out for the past about 2-3 years now and it feels great. Live your truth girl, it’s much better! Women are much better too in many ways, in my opinion. 
Leave him!! He’s not supportive at all for your feelings
I notice it’s only men reacting negatively to this post… maybe a bit insecure now that women are competing for their women😂
I feel bad for your man.
You broke his heart you should of acted like a grown up and told him from day one how would you feel roles reversed
Honestly… I started with a known lesibian she was with a women for 3 years. Weve now been together for 7 years and have 3 kids she still into women so inlet her indulge as long as it’s not men cause no. But women alone one on one she can’t get pregnant she can have her fun and be happier it’s not hard to allow ur other to be with the same sex as long as its not all the time and you know it’s going to happen how can u even get mad really.
You have to be who you are no matter what. If he loves you he will understand. Maybe a little hurt etc. but be you and your kids will understand and love you the same. Your kids will just get more love with 2 moms. Love is love no matter what. I completely understand you. I am here to talk anytime. I am a very understanding and compassionate person. I am handicapped with ms. I am always here for you! Good luck dear.
Yeah you wasted his time but the Only part that concerns is him telling you what he isn’t gonna stand for (2moms & a dad) he clearly has no clue…but he might be right the 1 dad might be out the picture with those threats…it’s 2022
Check out the the podcast Lesbian Chronicles.
I went through something similar and it helped to hear others who had done it. Btw, you’ll never be happy if you stay with him. He’s probably saying those things bc he’s hurting but you need to do what’s best for you.
His reaction is normal. Its a shock and his male ego is involved. But you also deserve to be happy, not just for yourself, but also your child. Its important that children see that being happy with yourself is more important than living your life to make others happy. That gives your child a good example in life.
You’re incredibly selfish.
Obviously something happened to make you feel unattached anymore. It’s not his fault it’s not your fault sometimes these things just happen it’s called growth and sometimes we have growing pains. Unfortunately for him it’s not up to him to decide if two moms and 1 dad is good. Love is love like it or not. If he can’t be okay with it he needs to get right with himself if he’s your best friend he would help out and foster the love and affection you need in order for his kids to grow up and be raised that everyone can love everyone!
People grow and people change… get a divorce and live your best life girl!!! No need to settle!!
You did not waste his time like what someone previously said. You were scared and love him, being with someone you love no matter your sexuality is t a waste of time.
This sounds like me though. I hit puberty and started to realize my feelings around 13? However it was around the time that same sex marriage was heavily in the media in the early ‘00’s. I was told all manner of things that were awful from my family and it terrified me. So I never said anything. I’m 32 and just in the last 2 years have acknowledged the fact that I am not straight. I have been married to my husband for 12 years.
You have to think about what YOU want. Do you want to stay married to your partner and just know and accept the fact that you are attracted to women, or do you want to try and explore that part of yourself.
You didn’t do the wrong thing or anything like that. No one has to come out, or say who they are until they are ready.
I am here if you want to talk, I’m just a Facebook message away.
I’m demisexual when it comes to men. I’m pretty much only attracted once I get to know their personality. I’ve dated men, I’ve dated women. I found my forever person almost 3 years ago. That person happens to be male, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ll always be bisexual even if I’m currently in a heterosexual relationship. My happ matters, and so does yours. If you’re not happy in the relationship, leave. But if you’re happy with him, don’t go looking for greener grass on the other side of the fence.
Don’t feel bad. Women were conditioned to think a man was our only option for so long. It’s normal to not accept it or come to term with what it means “early enough”. If he’s not understanding about it then maybe y’all aren’t as compatible as you were before you came to this realization.
Wait…you told your husband youre a lesbian and he wasnt overjoyed? Whaaaat? 1) your not that into men so youre unlikely to cheat with a man. 2) that opens the door for female play which is on most mens bucket lists. I think mine would jump for joy if I said I wanted to bring in a woman 
. Seriously though, if its meant to be he will love and accept this part of you too. Its not something you can help. Not something you asked for. If he cant be on board with your new revelation, maybe its time for counseling.
What reaction did you expect your husband to have after being told something like that? His reaction is totally normal. End the marriage so he can find someone who wants all of him 100%
Have any pictures of what you look like? 
He’s allowed to be mad about the situation. Who tf wouldn’t be mad finding out their spouse isn’t into them? I’d suggest letting him find someone who will ACTUALLY love him
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yes he does have the right ot be mad & upset, Wouldn’t you be, if he told you he would rather be with another man or is more attracted to men??? But I would say, you need to leave him & find the one that makes you really happy,
My husband is FULLY aware he is the last man I’ll ever be with for the exact same reasons. I’m sure it was a shock to his system, especially if he didn’t see it coming. Unsure of how to move forward based off of his reaction, but solidarity mama
Yes love you’re not alone. My husband let me fulfill my fantasies. You need to otherwise you’ll keep wondering. You are who God created. There is nothing wrong with your sexual preference. This stuff is a life commitment. Make yourself happy
Even if it means 2 moms.
you are not alone… I came out at 35 with 3 kids and in a hetero relationship for 8 years. My ex did the same thing. There is a wonderful late bloomer lesbian group on fb that can help navigate all of this for you. I also highly recommend checking out the lesbian chronicals podcast.
…what did you expect?
You’re both in the wrong. You for holding out, him for berating you. Yeah, he’s going to be mad, but nothing wrong with a kid having 2 moms if you’re not pushing your sexuality onto them (which is likely his fear). Makes me wonder if he’d love his kids any less if they were of a different sexuality. I wouldn’t say he’s a great friend or father then.
ADMIN- a lot of unrelated posts here.
See if he’ll be into having a throuple
my husband came out as pansexual after 12 years of marriage. just takes time for both people to adjust. i strongly encourage him to educate himself or to move on
You can do what ever you want doll! And no matter what you do, your a great mom! I’m proud of you for being honest and putting you needs and wants 1st. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Read this… out loud if you need to. Screen shot it if you want. I hope this helps😊
Does it even matter what gender you’re attracted to? The point is it’s NOT HIM! You both have a decision to make.!
Why did you even get married then? Not trying to be mean, but this makes no sense. I’d say he’s mad and hurt after all the time invested in your marriage.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having 2 moms, my kids have 2 moms and a to be step mom, with NO fathers in their lives. My oldest’s donor chose to be dad then decided when my son was 3 he didn’t want to be dad anymore, didn’t see him for 2 and a half years, saw him last year twice… my kids are turning out to be some of the most incredible little humans ever! Yes, you should have informed him sooner however, you were not comfortable until now to come out and say it. I myself didn’t “come out” as bisexual until I was 25 and dating my now ex wife… sexuality can be a rocky road for anyone. If the Original Poster of this question would like to reach out to me please feel free to do so! I am a safe place!
Why can’t you guys have a third join and experiment? Maybe view it as a team thing? SO MANY COUPLES have a third.
You don’t want to live you have your babies that need you and we only live once so if you got break up with your husband then do both of you the favor and be happy 
find your happiness doesn’t matter what people want for you do you
I’m sorry this happened to you. My boyfriend and I have an agreement where if I ever feel the need to try being with a woman to answer such a question for myself and decide that it is not for me then that is okay but that if it is for me, he would rather me know and be happy and just be friends. This can be shocking news for a person so maybe try to give him a little time and space and sit him down and really talk. If you truly feel this way, it is much better for a child to see a happy, healthy mom than a miserable and trapped one not living as her true self. Maybe dad will come around eventually or maybe he won’t BUT remind him that the kids are priority and co-parenting regardless of his personal feelings towards you is crucial and that any malicious or ill feelings should not be taken out on or forced upon your children. Good luck momma.
Whatever Your Soul(gut) is telling You to do, DO THAT!
It sounds like it would be better for those kids to have two moms than a close minded dad
I am in almost the exact same boat. Though I’ve been with women and always was open about my sexuality && being more into females than men(since middle school). I just don’t really enjoy anything with a guy whatsoever. Always had to fake it. But I do like them more as far as personality and lifestyle goes so I’m stuck LOL😭
I think the fact that you always new is a massive problem! I can understand both sides but personally I would be pissed. Ten years down the drain for your husband, a failed marriage and a broken family. I see his frustration. In saying that you should be who you are and obviously the damage is done now. So hopefully use can be civil and go forward rather than backwards.
You’re not wrong. You have every right to feel the way you do. And growing up in a age where it wasn’t really accepted doesn’t help. He shouldn’t have talked to you the way he did and there is nothing wrongnwith your kids seeing you with another woman.
For the people judging and not understanding why she didn’t come out. Shame on you. You have no idea what or how much she struggled with it. Not just her but others in the same boat as her.
Fortunately, he was too. Now you can both be lesbians.
Sounds like you need to leave him anyway for being such a 
. What if one of your kids came out? Is that how you’d want them treated? To grow up being ashamed like you did? Nah mom, lead by example
You have to be the strong independent woman your kids need.
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