Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want another baby but my partner does not…is it a deal breaker?
Let it go for now, he may change his mind later on. You’re both still very young and he may just not be ready for another one with your son being so young.
have u asked him why he does not want another, r u guys financially stable to have another addition, are you guys in stable long term housing option?
Let it go for now. Revisit in a few years. If he still doesn’t want anymore kids, that’s a choice he is allowed to have. Just like us women can have our reserves on how many kids, etc
No one can tell you if its a breaking point or not, but we can tell you, you are thinking too far ahead and stressing yourself out for a situation that isn’t here yet
He may change his mind…give it some time. And if it dosnt it may be a deal breaker and you find someone who does want more kiddos
He told you from the beginning he didn’t want kids! You excepted that. So no it shouldn’t be a deal breaker! Why break up a home for your 1 child when you knew how your bf felt from the beginning!
He did say not right now. Maybe he is wanting to wait a little longer before having more. He isn’t ready to handle a toddler and newborn and I don’t blame him. I have 2 toddlers and an infant myself and there are no easy days. Just give him time and let yourselves enjoy the baby you have now. One day he may come to you and say he’s ready. Don’t push the issue or even make a rash decision bc your feelings are hurt. His feelings matter too and just leaving him for this temporary feeling will make him feel like you don’t care. Just let him know how it makes you feel but let him know you understand and maybe that talk can be revisited in the future. Good luck.
You need to tell him it’s a deal breaker for you. You can’t force him to have more kids, and it’ll only hurt worse if you wait to see if he changes his mind, and he doesn’t. You could end up resenting each other whether or not you do/don’t have another child
100000% a deal breaker for me. However, it’s also something I’d have discussed in the beginning instead of waiting for a few years and growing a bigger attachment to the guy.
Definitely let it go for a little bit & id say most likely since it happened using protection last time it’s bound to happen again, I have 3 kiddos that were not planned 
you can accidentally get pregnant again. …just saying…
You stated he told you in the very beginning. So staying for three years after that is on you. Leave if you want more kids.
Do not pressure him to have another one
You don’t stay together “for the kids” it won’t hurt your child in anyway. You are allowed to change your mind. As he is allowed to stick to his guns about not wanting any more children even if having a child has given him something more in his life that he may love. Baby is a year so maybe his thought could change or an another accident could happen. Just don’t have your “accident” on purpose. I think your goals should align either way and if you’re dead set on at least one more and he is dead set never wanting anymore (communication about this is your best ally here to know if it’s never or not right now) then you both will have to make a decision if being together is going to work out.
I would say let it go and learn how to process it with therapy if you want to stay with him. He was honest and upfront about not wanting kids at all and after having a kid he still has the same opinion. It sounds like he’s a lovely father but that didn’t change his ultimate stance in children. Hugs!
He may change his mind just wait a while enjoy your baby now they grow fast
I wouldn’t pressure it. I would just think long and hard if 1 would be enough or if I really wanted a second. My opinion is you won’t be hurting your kiddo if you leave. If anything it would hurt him if you stayed and were resentful.
It shouldn’t be a deal breaker for you because he was honest from the very beginning, saying he didn’t want any kids at all. You chose to be with him, knowing he didn’t want kids. You got pregnant, he stayed and he loves his child. But again, he’s being honest with you that he doesn’t want anymore children. This isn’t something new. It’s not like it never came up in conversation or he lied and said he wanted kids and then years later he said he didn’t. You consciously made a decision to be with someone who told you they didn’t want children.
With all of that being said, it’s up to you and you alone. If you entered a relationship with someone who didn’t want children, and ended up with one and he’s good with that and you love him, then just enjoy your little family. If this is something that you’re going to resent him for down the road, then leave the relationship now and spare everyone.
Alternatively, if you have your hands full now with a one year old, and don’t want another child right now, simply ask him if he is dead set on no more children or if this is something the two of you can revisit in a few years.
Girl…get your life & priorities in order.
Finish education& build a foundation, create a place to call *
Home Home to raise your family.
Stop worrying about having all those babies.
They are very costly.
Hope your ready.
Buena suerte!
Good luck!
He’s been honest since the beginning about his feelings on children. Love him and your child together and stay with him, while respecting his opinion—or leave if your desire for more children is just too important to you. This is a serious conversation to have in-depth maybe one more time, with the biggest question being for him, if ever sees himself changing his mind on this, even years from now. Then respect his answer.
He told you at start be wanted no kids and you got 1. So it wasn’t a deal breaker before you brought a child in this world with him but now it is? No not its time to deal and be greatful with the child you did get and don’t break his family apart for your own problems. Why is it everyone thinks they can make people do crap. Ughh
You knew from the beginning he didn’t want kids but chose to continue on. A baby happened unexpectedly so of course he loves his child. He still doesn’t wasn’t more kids. Nothing changed in him or his desire to have kids. Either accept his wishes or walk away. Guilting him or you being bitter inside isn’t good for either of you. He can still be a good dad if you part ways and awesome coparenting is possible IF you want it to be.
Sit down and talk to him about it. If you can’t envisage a future without one more child so your current son has a sibling, then that’s something he needs to be aware of. As mature adults, you can discuss whether a compromise could be met - one more and that’s it, or whether it would be best to part ways because it’s something you can’t give up on. If he is so firm on not having any more, he should get the snip.
My husband wanted 1 kid. We had 3. I got pregnant all 3 times on birth control. Sometimes you just take what God gives you. My husband was thrilled and very supportive every time I got pregnant and helped with all 3 kids whenever I needed him to. 39 years together and he’s still the most amazing guy ever
He never wanted kids u knew that since the beginning your only hurting ur own self staying in the 1st place now theres a baby involved and again hes telling you no more either u suck it up and let it go since u did say u love him or put ur foot down either way someone is gonna end up butt hurt ur not married so dont make things more complicated since yall both cant have what u want
He said he didn’t want kids from the beginning. You stayed so you accepted the no kids long ago. When you turned up pregnant he made the choice to be a father instead of walking even though he said no kids. If you felt so strongly in the beginning about kids out should have made that stand back then. Ultimately it’s your choice but I think you need to realize the man has already went above and beyond what a lot of guys would.
Proceed with caution He is telling you now so heed what he says not what u want to hear it will save you baby daddy drama in the future
My SO never wanted kids at all, and I was on board because I was told I could never carry to term or get pregnant. The first time we slept together I got pregnant. He was very unhappy at first and I gave him an out. He refused to be like his dad. Once she was born our little girl had him wrapped around her finger, before her first birthday I found out I was pregnant again and we took precautions. Same thing again he and I wasn’t happy. But we stuck too it and now that little girl had the same effect on him. I want one more, however he won’t budge and I have accepted it because we are happy with our two girls. You need to weigh the pros and cons and see if you really can accept staying and not having another baby. It’s so hard, I know. But keep in mind if you get pregnant again, will he stay and support you?
He was honest from the beginning and you chose to be with him regardless of that and you still got one and he’s happy with what he’s got. Enjoy being a family of 3!
My bf said he didn’t want kids I got pregnant and he wasn’t happy until I had the baby after he said no more though because I had two prior to being with him so 3 was more then enough for him … 5 years later we just welcomed our 2nd child together and now I tied my tubes 4 kids all together … sometimes they change there minds !!
He was up front with you about not having kids. Just because he loves and accepts the child ya’ll accidentally got pregnant with, doesn’t mean he ever wanted kids. If you wanted kids in life, you should have ended the relationship in the very beginning when he told you he didn’t want any in the first place. That being said, only YOU can decide if this is a “deal breaker” or not. It’s not reasonable to expect him to want more kids.
U said ur self u didn’t want one again right now so honestly I’d let it go for now and address it again later
If you were older I’d say you will come to resent it but as you said you don’t want one right now. You are still young you have time. I have seen people whom I thought would change their mind want and have kids.
No one mentions commitment?
Okay I get he said he didn’t want kids in the beginning and you were okay with that. However even after birth control and other precautions you guys had a baby. This changed everything for you because after having a baby and a love you didn’t know before makes you want more. You were okay before because you didn’t know what you would really be missing out on. It is his choice to not have more kids. However you do not have to settle. At 21 you think you might want another baby I can guarantee that in a few years when your baby isn’t so little you will still long for another. Right now if I were you just focus on yourself and your baby and let him know your feelings but he can stand firm that is his right. If you really want another baby and he does not but you stay most likely you will end up resenting him and if you have another baby he didn’t want he could end up resenting you. So unless he has a true change of heart this would be a deal breaker
I mean. In the beginning he was honest and told you he didnt want any kids. You knew how he felt so to make that a deal breaker now is kind of wrong.
If he said no then it means no. You knew from the start he didn’t want kids but you all unexpectedly had one. He can love the child without wanting another one. If he said he doesn’t want one then he doesn’t want one and you have to respect that. You choose to be with him from the start knowing he didn’t want any. There’s no trying to change his mind. If you love him like you say then you’ll respect what he said and what he wants. You’re so focused on having another one even if you don’t want one right now that you aren’t focusing on your family you have. Make the memories you’ll never forget now. Laugh, smile and enjoy being a family.
I spent majority of my 20s pregnant almost 30 with 6 kids trust me give it time…
He probably just isn’t emotionally there enough to handle a second child. Not everyone can handle it without it being too overwhelming. Especially 2 in diapers. After toddler years become easier I’m sure he won’t see it the same way.
“Got pregnant very unexpectedly” 
mmhmm… sure hun 
He informed you at the beginning of your relationship he didn’t want kids. You ended up pregnant and he put his own feelings aside to step up and be a father in a situation he never wanted in the first place. Did you think after having one he’d suddenly change his mind and say “give me all the babies!” and NOW you’re upset his opinion on the matter hasn’t changed? If this is something you feel you can’t let go of and you decide to stay, you’re probably setting yourself up for a world of disappoinment in the future. He didn’t have to stick around to help you raise this child, but he did. I wouldn’t expect him to be so understanding down the road if you happen to get pregnant again. Also, just because you had a sibling growing up doesn’t mean that every child also needs a sibling. If you had another kid down the line your child now and that potential sibling could have a completely different relationship with each other. They could hate each other’s guts for all eternity.
He already compromised his wants and needs when you “accidentally” had the first one. Neither of you should have be forced to do what you don’t want to. So yes it’s a deal breaker. If you want to be with him you’ll have to be satisfied with the one child you have. Otherwise the right decision would be to find what you want from someone else. Not try to persuade or convince him to give in.
Get a dog.
I would focus on the child you have with the man that you love rather than breaking up that child’s home to have more children with someone else. The grass isn’t always greener. Just my opinion.
My SO are always having this debate. Maybe sit down and have a conversation about why. There might be a good reason or rather it might help you understand better. He still has time to change his mind and so do you
You’re 21. Should things go “normal” (no major health issues, death, etc) you are looking at plenty of time to get pregnant again. You said you didn’t want any right now anyways. I’d just re address it in the future. I came in to my relationship at 26 with two kids from my first marriage and my now s/o and I decided we didn’t want any together. Five years later we welcomed our baby girl and he’s totally smitten. As much as I’d love one more, I’m not pushing it.
After reading the initial question and nothing else. If you want a child and he doesnt then you need to find someone who does. It is not fair to bring a child into this world with someone that doesnt want one just because you do. Relationships dont work that way.
My oldest was almost eight year’s old when he finally got a sibling. You are young, I would not stress this right now at 21 year’s old. I had my first at 20 and my last at 35. Enjoy your relationship and your family and wait and see what the future holds.
You’re still young don’t stress about it to much. What will be, will be. Enjoy your kid
He was honest from the beginning of the relationship that he didn’t want any kids and you stayed anyways .you are lucky that he stayed and is helping with the “accidental” baby …if you want more than move on…I hope your boyfriend gets a vasectomy because accidents can cause resentment …
He told you from the get go he didn’t want kids. He did his part. He even compromised. So you got yourself in this mess sadly. Don’t screw your current child over it. You are young and the child is only a year. Wait a few more years and revisit.
Your only 21…
You don’t know what the future will bring… enjoy your little family 
You knew he didn’t want kids.
Seems like you’re looking for a reason to leave. Let things happen. He’s a good dad. He has a choice to have more children, just as you do. A bit selfish to want to leave a good relationship, and ruin your child’s life, because you want another child. Maybe you should grow up a bit before thinking about bringing another child into the world.
Have a more in depth conversation about it. Does he not want more kids ever or just right now.
Just gonna leave someone because they told you, FROM THE BEGINNING, that they weren’t interested in kids. You need to grow up. This is the real world now.
Was your boyfriend an only child??? I was and even though I’m old now I still hate it!!! Growing up I always said I’d have more than one or none!!!
You knew in the beginning he didn’t want kids. He accepts and loves the child had with precautions. That doesn’t mean he’ll suddenly change his mind on kids.
I never wanted any children. I have two that were different birth control fails. I love them, but it didn’t make me want more. I wasn’t suddenly having baby fever and feeling like they needed a sibling or anything of the sort. I got my tubes tied and that’s that.
Mine didn’t want another after my first. She’s now 3.5 and I’m pregnant and it was planned. He may change his mind he may not. If you have a good relationship I wouldn’t throw it away over a what if. You may never have another you don’t know
He literally told you from the beginning he did not want kids. You chose this relationship knowing you had different wants.
It’s on you either you chose to be happy with the life you have or you leave and coparent.
Doesnt matter if its a deal breaker for me(which it would be) Is it a deal breaker for you? And have you communicated that to your partner?
If you leave because of that, your son may gain a sibling, but loses a Dad at home. If you love the Dad, he loves you, and he loves his son, and he is treating both of you kindly, hang onto that. He is young too. He may change his mind. Keep the discussion open.
Communication is key in all relationships. Please do what you need to do for your lil one now…you both have time.he has time remember the grows fonder over time. Life will always have surprises… your young so don’t be in a rush to have more enjoy your time now and not worry about what the future will bring enjoy your present…in all that’s what you can see and feel at peace…let that quistion simmer on the back burner give some time he might come around compromise and ask what you can work out together then apart.
You’re not taking his feelings into consideration at all. He told you from the beginning that he didn’t want kids. Enjoy the child you have and enjoy your relationship. His opinion matters too.
Give you both time. You are young and have plenty of time. See how it goes with your one year old. Believe me it gets crazy with each passing year and it’s a lot of responsibility being a parent. Either one of you may change your minds in the future. I always saw myself with at least 2 kids but circumstances and life got in the way. I have 1 daughter that is now 14 and a handful, a great kid, but a handful. It was my choice to say no more kids. Circumstances left me with no other logical option.
My opinion may be unpopular but your not married and your young agreeing to his terms when you were 18 probably wasn’t the best but however don’t waste your life and your child bearing years. You’ll resent resent him he is older than you and has time to think asking you to agree at 18 is wrong. You were barely out of highschool you have right to change your mind and have a family. You can coparent amazing and build a family. Also maybe talk about marriage and building a daily if he still says no then you have your options do which is best for you. Your life shouldn’t be over at 21 and left in resentment just saying 
Well maybe wait for baby number 1 to be independent before u throw in baby number two. He is answering from a tired point. So just enjoy being parents and if another is in your future it will come.
Just give him some time, and make sure he sees other dads interacting with their kids, especially daughters. It’s a very special bond that he may decide he wants to try for.
He was honest with you from the beginning. He accepted when you got pregnant the first time. Sounds like a stand up guy. I wouldn’t push it. You just hav to decide how important another child is to you. Is it worth giving u a loving happy relationship?
My husband and I have a been together for 17 years. We have a 4 yr old. He wants more children I do not. Our feelings will not change. But we have both accepted this so the way it is going to be. We have communicated this to each other. I want him to get fixed he will not. But he will also not be upset if I chose to. Which is most likely what will happen I have the referral just have not made the appointment.
We are both still happy and in love and Connor resent one another.
Give it a rest. Don’t talk about it or pressure him. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. There are pros and cons of 1 child vs 2. Just accept that is his final decision. You never know, he might just change his mind in time.
He didn’t tell yo ass no he told yo ass not right now you heard what you wanted to hear
It’s up to you if it’s a deal breaker
If you been with this dude 3 years and he hasn’t proposed and don’t want anymore kids with you I would walk sounds fishy to me
After 15 years of marriage it was a deal breaker for me.
We wanted kids when we got married.
We lost our first at 23 weeks and we have a 9 year old daughter. He didn’t want anymore, but I did.
That wasn’t the only reason I left, but it was a contributing factor.
He does NOT want another baby. You need to enjoy what you HAVE. No tricks, no … oops. Be happy, he may change his mind
You’ve not long had a child … so maybe he’s just content and enjoying you both right now . You’re only young honestly kids are hard work especially the older they get . Only you know the answer to your question
If you want another baby then yes you need to leave. He was straight forward with you about not wanting kids and I’m sure you said something similar, then you guys had a baby on accident and you both accepted being parents. That does not mean he all the sudden wants to “have kids” respect his decision not to have children, and if that’s not what you want he should respect your decision to find someone else who does.
Okay let me just break it down to you … don’t bring up another baby story at all because having a toddler is very overwhelming coming from a mum myself. You ever thought that maybe your boyfriend wants to make a better life and future before thinking of more kids ? Like maybe more kids are not on his mind because there’s more going on and more to do ? You’re only 21 build yourself up with all that you have now … goals Dear. A person can say that they do not want kids because of circumstances but a right partner can change that .
count your blessings
Was a deal breaker for me and I told him that and gave him time to think. I had cancer and didn’t have the time for years down the road. Be vocal.
Talk to him, everything u just said in this post and go from his answer… I feel like after I read this you have already answered it yourself if he’s not willing to compromise
Don’t force someone to become a parent when they have clearly made it known. Kids aren’t for everyone.
I understand how you ae feeling, my ex when I first met him, was not keen on having kids ‘yet’, but I had explained how it was important to me, and he said yes we will have them when the time is right, I didnt force it, but did start thinking about leaving due to it, as he had been making excuses for 5 years, then I got really sick, vomiting really bad, and must have vomited up my pill, and ended up getting pregnant, he told me to get an abortion, I said no, I’d rather keep the child and be a solo mum, he got on board, but ended up resenting me, and turned toxic, so I left.
Be thankful u have the one when he didn’t want any to begin with
Jo Ann Simmons
See this is what’s bothersome! Perspective and paying attention to what is actually said all along…
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Where the heck does anyone say or is it written or what rule of thumb are you using to claim that after 3 years that there should or needs to be a proposal??? You are asking people to rush into things they most likely aren’t ready for especially when you get by attempting to implement some unwritten rule of thumb!
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The question isn’t about marriage, but about having more children. (Pay Attention)
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The only apparent honest person here I. This entire situation was the guy! She even states from the jump he said he didn’t want any children! Period!!! He was honest and real and straight forward from the start! Imagine that… So his wants and boundaries and intentions were clear from the start (Pay Attention)…
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If an apparent/possible mate wants or doesn’t want something that you do/don’t… Then she deliberately created this situation and circumstances from the jump! She is a bigger part of the problem than the dude.
You got with him when he didn’t want any kid at all. Now it’s a deal breaker that he doesn’t want a second kid?
I’m glad my husband didn’t leave me when it was found out I would never be able to carry a child. He supported me for 10+ years until we adopted our one and only son. We are on our 19th year together, so in my opinion, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.
My ex didn’t want kids. The twins weren’t planned. He resented me and still does. I “ruined” his life. I left him after 4years because he was so selfish and bitter. Either accept it or walk away.
With you are barely 20. Why not get to know each other more vacation go to school or do something beside having kids you can have kids in 15 years and still be fine. I would not focus on kids.
I don’t understand many of these comments that want to claim it’s a deal breaker or for her to leave him etc…
She should have never ever gotten with him in the first place. Sounds like an great guy too! But he was HONEST! He was CLEAR! Stated his INTENTIONS! Set his BOUNDARIES! Was STRAIGHT FORWARD! And was already FORCED to COMPROMISE!! He has continued to step up and appears to be a STAND UP GUY!!!
Now this woman wants him to be the only one to COMPROMISE!!! Based on an internal want/desire that is not based on necessity!
If she wanted children all along or thought that she might want children then she never should have let this become anything!!! Period! Bottom line is she created this entire dilemma of her own doing! Now she is going to tear up this family unless he continues to give her her way till the end.
He said he didn’t want kids to begin with. Just because yall accidentally had one doesnt mean that’s a greenlight and he will magically want more… You knew how he felt from the beginning. Reverse the roles here. What if you didnt want anymore and he kept pushing and complaining about it? You need to respect how he feels. Especially since he made it known to you from the start.
I was in same situation though our son was planned. I sat down with him and asked exactly why he didn’t want another and he didn’t have a legit answer could only say he didn’t want. I explained that I really want another one and how it’s important or child has a sibling and who he would be able to talk about his childhood and parents with when we pass. He understood still didn’t want and then every once in a while I would bring it up and eventually he did agree. We now have a 7 weeks old baby and our son will be 5 in April. I had told him I would need to re evaluate what I wanted in life and our relationship. But I suggest you don’t threaten him with leaving that isn’t going to make it better! Good luck mama!
I hear you but he did say in the beginning he doesn’t want kids and now to make him feel bad for not wanting more is not fair. I think it’s a you problem, you’ve changed your mind and want more kids which is ok but now you have to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. You can’t make him want something he doesn’t want. He may love and is a great father but he knows his limits and that should be respected.
I had a friend in this situation. They had 1 baby and her husband said that was all he wanted. Three years later when she brought up the subject, he was ready. Give him some time if you really love him.
Ok, he was honest with you in the beginning, right? And not having more kids is just now a deal breaker? If he don’t want any more, he simply don’t want any. He don’t owe you anything.
He was honest with you from the get go. Just because you two accidentally got pregnant & love your baby doesn’t mean he’s going to change his mind. This isn’t an question anyone on FB is going to answer for you. This is a you decision. Do you want another baby more then you want your boyfriend? If so then you need to leave & carry on with your life. You also won’t be able to say he did anything to hurt you because he was honest & up front from day 1. Of anything your son is the compromise. You have a right to want more kids & to change your mind but he has every right to say No more.
You can’t force him. Stop making him feel bad about it it’s not unacceptable to not want child. You have one don’t push it. He already gave up his vision of life that obviously didn’t include kids. Stop pushing for it and then wonder why you don’t get the response you want. YOU KNEW what he did and didn’t want when you got with him and you STAYED. Don’t try and change it now. From what you say your daughter was an “accident” as she wasn’t planned and you took preventitives.
He literally started out telling you he didn’t want any at all. Why not just wait? You said you don’t want another right now. So wait until you think your actually ready for another and then talk to him about it. When the kid is older he may change his mind. He could just be saying no cause he’s still little and they require a lot of time and energy. Along with income needed to support another kids. Or- he means it and is done. Just cause y’all had one doesn’t mean he wants a litter.
You’re both young, give him time, he could change his mind.
My husband didn’t want kids either, yet here we are with 3.
He didn’t want any kids at all. Raising one surprise baby is already a compromise. Better to regret not having another than to push him into having a child he doesn’t want. But if you think the possibility of a second child is worth losing this relationship for then you need to leave sooner rather than later. You’re being incredibly unfair to him by staying if you can’t accept he doesn’t want another child.