We have one exceptional 2.5-year-old child, and we are on the fence about having another. Our first has been very high maintenance… He still loves being carried everywhere, we breastfeed, and he doesn’t seem to want to stop that anytime soon; we co-sleep because he doesn’t want to sleep alone and will not sleep unless it is with me; he wants to do every little thing with me to the point my husband feels useless (for example, I’m currently sitting here writing this up while he’s miserable and crying out for his mommy because my husband is attempting to give him a bath). He still wakes once or twice in the night, so I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 3 years. With all that being said, I do not want to change anything. I am happy following a baby-led approach and responding to his needs, but I’m hesitant to have a second because I don’t know if I could mentally go through all that again. I can handle one like this, no problem, but two is a whole different thing. I also don’t know if it’s fair to take my attention away from my son when he needs me so much still. ��I am an only child (happy to be so) and have only ever seen myself as a one and done mom. I have never pictured my life with two, but at the same time, I know there is value in having a sibling, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from my son. I would be devastated if I had a second and they didn’t get along, though, since that is the main reason I’m having two. For those of you with two children, what age gap did you find was the best for getting along throughout childhood and adulthood? For those with one, are you and your child both happy with that decision, or do you wish you had another? For those with two and originally only wanted one, how did that work out for you?
My first was like that but I put the foot down for the second and he slept in a crib etc…
You are supposed to be the parent and raise your child to be independant individual
Um sure I will get negative comments…but if you are breastfeeding an almost 3 yr old and still sleeping with him …and his father has no place in his life…you sweetie need counseling
My first 2 kids were 2.5 years apart… this is the perfect time to have a second child so they can grow up together . I waited until my 1st was out of diapers (which was when she turned 2) and then started trying for #2 who came 10 months later.
Cut the cord. Your parent if you want to change this behavior you have to just stop and be firm. Or continue till 18.
Put your foot down and teach him to be more independent. He will sleep alone, if you train him to. He’ll cry at first, but he will learn to sleep on his own. He will learn to ween off the breast, if you make him. If you truly want another child, then you need to make the steps necessary to make that easier on yourself. You also should work on making your husband feel more included. It’s sad that he is this child’s father and being made to feel so useless.
I have 4, my older 2 are 20 months apart, the younger 2 are 11 months apart. Kids need siblings, my girls argue but at the end of the day, they are BFF’s and have a forever friend playmate. All kids are not as needy as their siblings, just have to do what is best for your family. I would definitely work on getting your first less needy of mom, you’ll be forever grateful you did.
I think you’ve asked the wrong question here. You shouldn’t be asking about a second child. You should be asking how to address the current underlying issue in your home. Your little one needs to be independent and you need to encourage that. Your poor husband!
I suggest pulling back a bit at a time and let your husband take charge. Once your son becomes less dependent on you it will make things easier, and avoid any bad feelings toward a new baby.
You are going to have to step up and be the one who sets the rules! Right now your child calls the shots in the parent/child relationship… when are you going to be the mom and make him do what needs to be done? If you want him to walk somewhere instead of carrying him, make him walk; if you want dad to give him his bath, let him cry about it. Don’t give into his every want! That’s how he has become so “high maintenance”. Once you get your son to act as a toddler, not an infant, then add to your family.
You’ve allowed your child to become high maintenance! Not saying that is a horrible thing if it works for you but you’ve set him up to be dependent and needy of you and if you dont change the behavior now it could possibly be very bad for him a few years from now. How is he even going to go to Kindergarten?? A lot about this post is concerning. I never try to judge anyone’s parenting style but this seems unhealthy. Just my opinion.
Sounds like your child is running your life. I would make some changes first before having a second, or else you will go crazy. You say you’re happy following a baby-led approach, but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy. You need to set some boundaries and make some time for yourself.
You got to put your foot down to some things. When he is with daddy let him cry for you sometimes. He needs to learn that daddy is just as good as mama. I know you want to do baby-lead stuff, but at 2.5 he should have independence some. Yes he will still want you and have phases they all do, but he knows you will give him what he wants and that he can do what he wants with you. Its going to get worse before it gets better if you dont try to set boundaries and put your foot down.
Also, my girls are 3 years apart. I think its a perfect age gap (second was not planned) but my 1.5yo is actually the one more mean than her older sister. That said your eldest needs some boundaries or it can cause a lot of tension and maybe dislike because you will need to focus a lot more on baby than him at certain times and he will notice.
Thank God my 2 year old daughter is not like this at all. She’s independent & does her own thing & the worst thing we do is co sleep, I’m 34 weeks pregnant with my second, a boy, & she loves touching my belly & saying, “baby brother”. You definitely need to try some separation techniques & maybe cut back on breastfeeding… I mean, I hope it gets better & I know the love you feel for him, but it must be exhausting to live that life with your child being so incredibly clingy. Set some boundaries!
My two girls are 5 years apart.
So far it’s going well. My first wasn’t happy at first she thought babies could play, and talk. But she’s been helpful and loves talking to her baby sister.
She is learning how to not have constant attention. She’s always been very independent but she loves to talk, and play and cuddle still. That seems to be the hardest part for both of us, is her learning she isn’t the only one who needs attention and that her baby sister needs more at the moment.
You need to get your son sleeping in his own bed/room before you even consider getting pregnant.
Your child is going to have a sense of entitlement when they become a adult if you don’t set boundaries.
Sounds like you really need to set boundaries. Your child needs to learn independe and but doing every little tiny thing for him and coddling him is not the way to teach him independence. If you continue with this it will never change and he will still be sleeping with you at age 10.
your child should.never set the rules of the house. you need to stand your ground iys gonna be tough but if you don’t give in he will learn that whinning won’t get his way. if u want to he on his beck and call go for it. but it will just put more strain on ur marriage
Mmmm you shouldn’t have a second if you’ve never seen yourself with one and are clearly not sure if you even want to take time away from your baby now… he doesn’t need a sibling he needs a happy mom and if that looks like an only child for you that’s totally fine, you don’t need to throw yourself into a whole other kid… siblings won’t always get along I am a 2 and done momma and I play referee all the time they are exactly 2.5yrs apart my sister and I are 6 years apart and we never went through the same stage in life together so there isn’t much in common I still love her and all but I felt like an only child growing up… there’s pros and cons on both sides but it comes down to do you want to do this again and are you ok with taking time away from your child now because believe me no matter how hard I try there are still times when I have to tell my eldest to chill by herself in the living room for 10-12 min while I put her sister down mind you they are 2 and 4.5 yrs old. My time is very much shared and sometimes it’s not always split down the middle idk what I would do if my husband wasn’t as helpful as he is but regardless the mom guilt is real… I do love to watch them play together especially since they get older they get along more and learn how to play better together.
My first was an insane amount of work. She was always clearly ADHD, though later we discovered a lot of the issues stemmed from ASD, but by that point we already had our second. However, my daughter was so obstinate and determined and argumentative and high maintenance and hyperactive and difficult to control, that until she was medicated and in school full time, I couldn’t even think about having a second one. I’m also an only child, but I always wanted a sibling. Anyway, took me 10 years to get on board with a second kid. Technically, 9 years and 11 months between them. She loves her baby brother and she loves helping out. She’s not a typical 11 year old who can help take over when things get complicated, but she can certainly grab me things when needed, or distract her brother. He is very much like her, and if he’s autistic too, it’s good I waited as long as I did. I still think it’s nice that they have each other, either way. One or both of them may always be an outcast, or misunderstood, so it’s nice that they will always have each other… hopefully, anyway. My parents made me an only because I was also high maintenance… but mostly, my mother said she wasn’t sure she could love another kid as much as she loved me and she thought I was perfect.
You should focus on what you want. You want an independent child? Work toward that. You want an only child? Continue with that. You want both of those things? Great. You figure out what will make you most content, and he will get on board with it, because in the end he’s not gonna be raising the second child, you are.
When I had my son, I thought I’d be done. It took me a long time to get pregnant, and I saw him as a gift that I should be grateful for having, and not take advantage of fate by asking/trying for a second. When he was about ALMOST 2, I found out I was pregnant again (unplanned.) I panicked. I was afraid of all of the things that you mentioned, and others. Now I have a 3 year old boy, and an 8 month old daughter. He adjusted SO much better than I’d feared he would, and although my daughter annoys him sometimes, taking toys he’s playing with, etc, he is SO attentive to her. Picks up and gives her her bink if she drops it, offers toys if she’s upset. My sister and I are 2.5 years apart, and so are my children. So far it’s been a really good age gap. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it could go better than you’d ever imagined. If another child is something you want, go for it. I won’t lie and say it’s easy to have two so young, but it’s definitely worth everything.
Hes not a baby anymore, time to b a toddler
Nobody six it was going to be easy. Tighten them britches n do your thing. I had 4. It gets easy
Our job as a parent is to teach our
children to be independent. Although 2.5 is young I feel you need to address his dependency only on you.
Who’s the parent??? Everything you said is “He” he’s 2 and a half… You are letting all this happen. You put your foot down and be the parent… It will be hard but it will work.
If you don’t want anything to change do not have the second child right now. I had my second when my first was 5 and she still felt like I gave her less attention which any amount less then 100% of course will be noticed since she was an only child until then but at least she was more Independent and didn’t have to be watched completely. With my third now my second is 2.5 and it’s a lot harder trying to breastfeed while my 2.5 yr old is running around and getting into stuff if I’m not watching. All three of my girls come to me over my husband. Not sure how to deter that but your child doesn’t need all the attention and would be fine if you had another but you’ll have serious work to do to get him more independent if you chose to otherwise it sounds like it will be all meltdowns.
Think it’s time your little one detached it’s not good for him milestones are needed which includes independence
There is nothing wrong with attachment parenting, but you may want to also encourage more independence from you. What if something were to happen and you couldn’t be there for a while. My child was very attached to me and was high needs (her dad travels for work and wasn’t a very involved dad for the first year)… I had to push for them to get more alone time in and for us to share the load of caring for a high needs child eventually because I was tired. It took a while but it helped so much… And then when I was diagnosed with cancer I knew there would be lengths of time when I couldn’t be there or care for her due to surgeries and treatment so I had to push independence even more and made my SO even more involved with things. For example, we take turns putting her to bed. She still prefers me to put her to bed but we stick to every other night because its important. If I suddenly cant be there for 2 weeks again I don’t want it to be harder on her than it already is… Also your husband deserves the chance to bond alone with his child without his child screaming for mom. You need to give them more alone time.
…as for another kid, I would wait until he is more independent to make a decision there. Right now it sounds like u only want another kid to give ur current one a sibling and idk if that is really fair to anyone.
Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job tending to your baby’s needs mama! If you want to have second child then you should. Everything will fall into place and your toddler will adjust, just be gentle with him.
Who is in charge here ? Clearly not the parents and you’ve already created a monster…carrying around a toddler, won’t sleept alone, won’t stop breastfeeding? Lol please don’t have another one…
You sound like you’ve been too soft with setting rules/boundaries. As much as I absolutely adore my kids, I would lose my ever loving mind if they could not sleep without me, or do anything without me for that matter. As easy as it is to give in to your child’s every want and whim, you’re doing more damage than anything, for both you and him. I highly suggest taking a step back from the coddling, let him get used to dad doing more, and get him in his own bed ASAP. The sooner you do it the easier it will be. The longer you wait the more miserable it’ll be for all involved. And once you have your sons independence established, I highly encourage you and your husband to enjoy the time with one another for a little while before considering another.
I have a ten, a four and a three year old. My oldest was very independent and was very upset when I was pregnant. He only wanted a sister and even told a client of mine if it was a boy it wasn’t coming home with us. when we found out it was a girl and explained no matter what, the baby would not take his toys or replace him, he was fine. He is absolutely the best big brother and loves big. Now my second. She was a few months old when we found out we were having another baby. She was one and walking when we had our last baby. She was pretty upset. At 1. She came in swinging. She would take his stuff. Move his paci so he couldn’t reach it. Not a happy sister. Now, I said all of that to say, you NEVER know how your child will react at any age. Not one of my kids makes decisions in our home or set rules for me. I do allow them to sleep with me if they wake up, all three of them at any age, and some times just because I want to snuggle my babies. Mentally it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My first two was a breeze mentally. I never felt like I had enough attention for both of the babies. I never felt like I was a good mother. One was just walking and needed me and the other was a new born and needed me. If I could have done it again, I would have waited again until she was four and in pre-K to have my last baby. That way I had all the time with her before she went to school and I could also have that same special time with my newborn. Address the real problem and that’s the baby being spoiled. I love my kids more than life, but they do not run my life. I don’t take a single minute with them for granted, but as a parent you are not helping your child grow or learn by being this way. It is our sole job to make sure we are raising our kids to do things and respect us, even our husbands. He is probably overwhelmed with how this is going. Good luck and big Prayers.
You are setting yourself up for failure. What almost 3 yr old wants to be carried almost everywhere. That’s not normal. It should be exact opposite. He cries bc he gets a bath from his dad? Omg…none of this is healthy or normal. So basically you love that you have a created a child completely dependent on you in every way…not good at all. Normal, healthy toddlers don’t act this way at all
Well I got a pretty good age gap between my two sons my oldest 18 and youngest 3 and the young one thinks big brother is the best they have a bond and I love seeing it. When big brother leaves for college thats gonna be hard on little brother
However long you wait your gonna find excuses ‘oh his only a year, let me love on him more.’ ‘Aw he’ll be going play school soon, we’ll have one then.’ It doesn’t get any easier, unless you have another when they’ve flown the nest! I’ve got a nearly 5 year old and a nearly 9 month old. This year has been the worst year of pretty much everyone’s lives & if anything having a baby done nothing but bring more love and fun into our lives. It’s hard, always hard. Ones sleeping, ones up. Both napping but there’s that load of washing that needs drying… If you want another. Have one. If you don’t, don’t. But don’t blame it on your son, your son would react however you approach it. He’d love someone to look after, someone to play with. But at the end of the day it’s down to you.
Attachment parenting is great but they grow up. He won’t need you as much every year. Go for the second one!
You are the parent, parent him. Kids need boundaries and rules! Your child will be ready for 4k in 1.5 years - will he be ready for that? Not the way hes going. I understand as a parent you would like to keep your children little and like them to be dependent on you but, you really arent helping your child. He needs to learn to be independent. I am not saying this to be mean . I have been a daycare provider for over 30 years and have seen to many kids like this and if ha cant even spend time with his dad what makes you think he will succeed in a place where you are not
You need to get your toddler independent first weening him from breast is good start and start getting him in own bed or you will never have another and then do things differently with new baby
Most of these comments are really sad. It’s not a bad thing to tend to your children. Especially young children.
I have 2 girls 5 & a half years apart. I also grew up with a sibling & let me tell u there’s stages where u get along & others when u simply don’t. It’s normal! Also if u don’t ween him off the breastfeeding he will never want to stop. Encourage some independence or more time with dad. It will definitely be hard to have an infant & toddler but it can be done. Best of luck
When my youngest daughter was first born, she wouldn’t fall asleep unless I was by her side. It was okay for a couple months, then I had to do something about it because that was ruining the time me and my husband had together. We couldn’t even sleep together anymore which was upsetting. But I done something about it. I made her start sleeping on her own even though there was some tears for a couple weeks. You’re the parent and even if the child doesn’t like it, tough luck. They can’t be 15 years old and still sleeping with mommy and daddy because that’s what they’ve always done.
My sister and I are 5 years apart. By the time I was old enough to play with barbies and have an imagination, she wanted to go out with friends. I think 5 years apart is too much. My daughters are 12 months apart…right now they have a close relationship but they’re still babies so that could change.
I would suggest an age gap between 2-3 years is probably best for the kiddo and yourself.
Honestly. You need to teach your child independence. This does not sound like baby-led approach. This sounds like he is taking your lead. Kids need boundaries and independence.
I honestly wouldn’t bring another baby into this untill you figure out how to say no to the first one.
See and O.T and get a professional sleep therapist to get him in his own bed and sleeping through the night. And kids adapt very quickly.
My opinion is in the minority, but here it is. Every child has different needs/personalities. Tending to these needs does not make you a bad parent. My 1st child was a lot like this. My second has been independent from day 1. You couldn’t have gotten her to cosleep if you wanted to. If you start making some minor changes it will get better in the next 6 months. The most important thing is starting to build the relationship between your husband and child. Does your husband ever spend time with your child by himself? If not, start setting up a time where you leave and they bond at least once a week. Have your husband start giving the bath nightly or do story time. Your child will cry until they get used to it. Do not go in while they are having this time. I did this and now my child wants to go with Daddy all the time.
My children are exactly 2 years apart. They fight like siblings do, but are the best of friends. I highly recommend it.
Does the child nurse at night only or all day as well? If it is all day, start cutting them down to only night time (I pump during the day and put in a cup) and then start weaning if you want. It’s ok that your child doesn’t sleep thru the night. Most children don’t until they are much older. I did try transitioning my son to his own bed before the baby was born. We had his crib beside my side of the bed. I would put him to sleep in my bed and then move him to his. Even if it only lasted an hour some nights I considered it progress. He now sleeps in his own room.
If you do have a second child make sure the 1st one is made to feel like such a helper when they are born. Having them help you get diapers, wipes, toys, etc really helps them bond and become more independent. Good luck Momma and do what you think is best!
Sounds like you should stick with one, because you don’t want 2(at least it really sounds that way). Plus if you want a friend for your child you are already out of the age range for that as well, imo. I have 5, closest gap is 18 months, biggest 3.5 years. I love the closeness my 18 space have, all the rest are like how all siblings are (not best friends lol)
My son is 4 I just had a baby October 30th. I was worried about this to as my 4 year old still relies on us a nice bit ! In saying that having a second child was the best thing we ever done ! Not just because now our family is complete but because it really helped my 4 year old with becoming more independent! He isn’t as demanding now as he was as he knows mommy and daddy have to care for his brother to. We involve him in his brothers care as much as possible , he loves helping feed, bathe and pick out his clothes for mommy !
My son was very much the same except I didn’t breast feed
I was in no hurry to change anything
His needs were being met as they should be
He is now a confident and outgoing 17 year old
Break that barrier of attachment and the child will suffer
It’s not about whose the parent it’s about raising a happy and healthy child x
I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with our second baby and our first is 20 months old. He has always slept in his own bed since day one with the only exception of him being sick then he gets to sleep in our bed. I wanted to breast feed him but he refused to latch no matter what due to a tongue tie the hospital missed and by the time we got it fixed he was so used to a bottle he still refused to even try to latch so I pumped as long as I could keep it up. I do intend to breast feed this baby but he will still be sleeping in his own bed. I think you should work on getting him to sleep in his own bed and stop letting him breast feed first before you consider trying for a second baby. If you still want him to have your milk pump and give it to him in a cup. Also pick one day a week just for your husband and son to spend together and set aside one other day at least every other week just for you and your husband to spend together. It’s not healthy not having any time together and for them to not have any time together.
I don’t think the age gap matters. I’ve see large and small. It matters on your health about timing.
It will make your son less needy and he can “help as the big brother””! The kids will always have each other.
Whoo man. This post is full of judgmental comments. I didn’t read any of them, but the ones I scanned were not constructive.
I have 2 kids. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. My 3 year old had the big time only child mentality until my 6 month old was born. She found a bit more independence after he was born. However, she’s always been a daddy’s girl and had to deal with him being at work anyway. So, she adjusted somewhat easily to sharing parents. She mostly has shared me so it wasn’t a huge deal to her. My second baby is extremely needy, though. He sounds a lot like your first so far. He’s a huge Mama’s boy and needs me 24/7. He does sleep in his own bed because my anxiety of sids outweighs my desire to have him happier with me all the time.
Similarly, I had an extremely close relationship with my mother, and I (think I) am a relatively well adjusted adult. I’m married, have my own home, and care for my two kids without still being attached to my mom in an unhealthy way.
All that to say, don’t take their criticism negatively. We all raise our kids differently, and I believe fully in positive parenting. I rarely tell my kids no, and my daughter is extremely well behaved. I didn’t have kids to have a power trip and get to boss people around. I view myself, largely, as a facilitator. I provide help, skills, and encouragement my kids need to be well adjusted, capable adults.
Now, to respond to your feelings of worry having a second. If you aren’t SURE SURE SURE, I wouldn’t. Maybe in a few years your relationship with your little boy will develop in a way that changes your mind. However, I knew FOR SURE I wanted 2 kids, and it has been so much more difficult than I could have predicted. I really think a lot of that difficulty comes from my style of parenting. I am always involved heavily in both of my children’s days and development, and it was so much easier with one then splitting myself between two. It sounds like you have similar attachment issues, and it makes things pretty difficult. I would never discourage you from adding to your family because I do not regret for a millisecond having our second, but it’s definitely something I’d wait on until you feel confident it’s what you want!
Ignore any opinions about your parenting! That’s your child and your business! It really sounds like in your post that you do not want another but you are considering it so your child can have a sibling. A sibling is not necessary, does he have cousins, he will amke school friends, others at the park, you can socialize without having A sibling. And most siblings don’t get along, you can’t really force it. It sounds like you are happy and comfortable with one so why change it?
Our son is similar in behavior. We waited until he was 6 to have another so we could support his neediness while encouraging his independence without getting frustrated or stressed from having another.
These are some negative comments. At 2.5 he doesn’t need to step up and be independent, he is very much dependent on his momma, having another is up to you, I only have one and am happy but it gets easier with a second people have told me haha, good luck with your decision and don’t let these comments get you down
I would personally not have another kid yet if this was my situation. We decided to try for another one when my daughter turned 1 but she sleeps in her crib in her own room, we weaned her off of bottles, she knows how to independently play even though she does like to cling to me sometimes, she doesn’t breastfeed, etc. I think it’s best to try for another when you start weaning the baby off of some of that stuff, which might be never. But that’s just my opinion, obviously you can do what you wanna do
You sound just like me! Ignore all this horrible comments. My daughter was just used to me and didn’t even like her father and that’s okay!!! This is just a phase. I had a baby and the first 2 weeks were tough for her. Daddy was the one caring for her while I focused on baby and now she and her daddy have a great relationship and so does my little one! And they are both still very needy of me so it doesn’t get better with age
And the age gap between mine is about 18 months.
Good for you for being a loving mom–at 2 1/2 he does not need to be independent–he will get there eventually. Ignore the mom shamers on here! I do agree with another commenter that it would be a good idea to encourage a closer relationship with his dad–you may even have to leave the house while he cares for him to get him used to it. If he does not have you to turn to he will turn to dad. My two younger girls are 3 1/2 yrs apart and that seemed like a good age gap–the older was like your son and I had to slowly get her to turn to others for comfort. Her father and her older sister (she was from my first marriage and is quite a bit older than the next), her grandparents also helped a lot–spending time with them without me helped. I put a mattress on the floor next to our bed to start getting her to sleep in her own bed but still close to me. My youngest was the most independent baby I have ever seen–totally different from her older sisters, she even weaned herself at 2 1/2 -just told me she didn’t need to nurse anymore! she put herself to bed sometimes. Every child is different and meeting their individual needs is important but you don’t have to be the only one to meet the child’s needs! If he can accept from his dad or other family it will make it easier to think about having another child.
All my 3 children are 11, 7 , 4. This gap worked great for me.
I had my 3rd 4 months ago… my middle turned 3 the same month, he has speech delay and acts like a 2 year old… he’s so clingy with me too and dad can’t do anything, just me but I didn’t breast feed him and he’s never co slept… however it is hard when he wants a cuddle or acts up when I’m feeding baby however he’s soo loving with the baby!! He wants to feed and change…, you do adapt to the addition though, I just find it hard when baby needs the attention then the toddler wants it too
Maybe having a second child will relieve some of his neediness and he can now be the BIG brother. I’m sorry to say that you have somewhat created a hella needy child but it is never too late to break that.
I wanted none. A few happy accidents later and I am the mom of three. Ages right now are 12, 8, and 4. I love this age gap! It is perfect! Close enough to be friends and play great together, but old enough when the next came along to be helpful and take on some responsibility.
My daughter got more attached after baby brother was born. They are exactly 3 years apart.
It was HARD. But because we followed attachment parenting and worked together she is the BEST sister.
And we all still sleep together, they are almost 3 and 6.
My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 5 months. My oldest used to be attached to my hip like no tomorrow, and I still notice somedays he just wants mommies attention BUT after having my second I did realize that my sons attachment issues didnt come from having my second it came from me… because i never wanted people to watch him etc. My fiance works nights so he wasnt around as much. But moral of the story my son is / was SOO attached because of my own doings… yes it was and still is ALWAYS nice when my boy wants me all the time but we are trying to teach him independence and that when mommy leaves shes always comming back. Hes doing well with it to. Our kids follow what we do. If we are attached to them they will become attached to us etc.
Everyone is on here acting like at 2 years old he should be out working with his own house and car LOL! Thats still a BABY!! You’re doing a great job Momma. My parenting is similiar to yours and I have a very compassionate, loving 10 year old and 3 year old. I answered every cry and gave all the hugs and kisses they needed and so far its only been positive for my family. I say, you will never regret another child, but you may always wonder “what if?” Or “did I make the right choice?” If you stop at 1 child. Good luck either way!
I’m currently pregnant with my second daughter. My first is 2 and she is pretty high maintence. She and my husband are close so that situation is different. We are still getting out of the co sleeping stage because we lived with my in-laws and her room wasn’t set up for quite some time so we didn’t really have a choice. But we planned for this second baby not only because we wanted another baby, but for her because I think it’ll help break the neediness and she can be around another baby not far from her age. I think itll be a more positive outcome than negative. I’ve gotten some great advice for when the time comes to treat the baby like its her baby too (help with diaper changes, play, drink bottle, etc.) I bought her a baby doll for her to practice and it’s super cute the way she treats it. But I think its very important to have your husband involved because his relationship with your baby is just as important as he is the parent also. I would prioritize that first before going for a second baby.Good luck to you!
Have another one one of two things are going to happen either your son is going to become more independent and less needy or the second one will be a more independent because you won’t have time for it
I really feel bad for saying this. After reading your post. Dont have another one. With your feelings towards having one and your feelings toward being an only child. Don’t have another. Hugs. It’s not a bad thing to only have one. After all you were an only. Your opinion of the subject is very very clear. Hugs. Sometimes one is enough.
Mine are 3 years apart. I have one boy and one girl. They dont always get alone. I love the age difference because once one is done with something the other is just starting. And you can talk to you child saying that the babie will need mommy and you are becoming a big boy now.
I had two both boys 3 1/2 years apart the sometimes get along sometimes not they are both grown I was an only child and hated it glad I had two
I love reading these posts… it always amazes me that people actually “planned” their children… Lol!!! I’m serious. (Mom of 5)
My 2 boys are 2 years apart and I had really bad post pardon cus I really didn’t want 2 and now I’m happy I did
GOD’S trying to tell you something!!! Raise the ONE child. Give yourself a break. It’s not healthy to not get enough sleep
I have 2 a massive age gap between both theres 8 years my eldest is a girl, she was not really clingy with my second he is a boy and he is very clingy they say boys are more clingy then girls not sure how true this is tho.
I wouldn’t recommend having another child. You seem to enable and allow your first child’s neediness and I feel that your second child wouldn’t be given the time and attention they deserve because your older child simply wouldn’t allow it and you wouldn’t be able to find it in you to step back.
I’m just saying- there are lots of kids in foster care in need of loving homes, whether that be temporary or permanently. I’ve been a foster parent for almost 3 years. I do not have any biological children but did adopt a teenager. Maybe a second baby would be too overwhelming. And I’m not saying having a foster child is any less overwhelming. But it is in a different way. Plus if you get a kid in foster care and determine it’s just too much with your son, you can transition that kiddo to another foster home or hold out until they go to their permanent placement.
My son was the EXACT same way. 4 and we still cosleep. He has became more independent after his sister was born. He is 4 she is almost 6 months. Perfect age gap for us
I had twins my first time around, but still wanted more. Their father didn’t stick around, so I didn’t have my 3rd until the twins were almost 9 years old. Having the gap helps because the older ones are more self sufficient and are able to help with the baby
It’s definitely up to you about having another little person. If 2 is what you want, go for it and I would start now. 3 years is a nice space. Older one will start being more independent with your help. No hurry on that. On the “getting along”, “will they be friends” and so on, maybe, maybe not until they are older.
The second one will ger all Daddys attention (since he is obviously left out of the first ones life) and the house will be in an uproar with everyone angry with each other. Dont do it. But bless you when your child becomes an entitled. spoiled brat. Zwhich is what you are raising
My kids are 2 years 7 months apart and the best of friends. I’m the youngest of 5, my partner is the eldest of 3. We plan on having at least 1 and max of 2 more. Cant wait
What are you going to do let him breast feed till he starts school he should have been broke before he was a year old and I guess he will still be sleeping with you when he’s 10 you are the clingy one
If you have a second its pretty much guaranteed to happen again due to your 1st knowing no boundaries, independence or self soothing ability if thats how you want to parent great(not my place to judge (i personally think sleep deprivation is a form of torture) but exact same habits will repeat for no.2 only you will be more tired with double the work only saving grace might be with a new baby child 1 won’t get same attention and will probably outgrow most habbits as they will be older.
Clearly there are a lot of people here who don’t know what healthy independence looks like. There is a difference with independence learned through responding to a child’s needs and allowing them to gain confidence at their own pace, versus neglecting them in some form or another.
Unhealthy independence usually comes with the inability to regulate emotions. As an adult, they may seem independent, but they also find it hard to trust people and do everything for themselves instead of asking for help. They may appear to be successful in life… good grades, well paying job, etc but they often struggle in relationships. They are so fiercely independent that the ability to bond on a deeper level with others, becomes difficult.
Do you really believe that you are doing the right thing with this kid?
Do you really believe that letting a 3 year old run the show in your house is healthy?
Do you really believe that is normal for a child that old to still waking up in the middle of the night?
And most importantly, even though you said you don’t want to change “anything” do you believe your husband is happy and satisfied with how this child is being raised?
You’re not following a baby-led approach. You are raising a co-dependent child, he’s not high maintenance, he’s spoiled.
Maybe you are doing this, because it’s easier than actually raise a child with boundaries, rules and values.
No honey, letting your child run yours and your husbands life is not right.
Being unable to have a good night sleep in 3 years isn’t right. And a child that old that is unable to sleep by himself through the night is most definitely not right.
I think this is really sad and you answered your own question.
Firstly lady, hats off to you for putting in so much effort.
Secondly, if you are worried about how it’s going to be with the second one, honestly there is no definitive answer for that. Even siblings have different nature so one can’t predict. Your elder one will mature once the younger one is born. Children so close to their mums are very much aware of their mums emotions. My elder one used to co-sleep, would follow me around everywhere would get all the attention from everyone. He was 2 and a half when I had my second one. After a period (almost a month) of compensating him, talking to him why I couldn’t be a continuous part of his routine, involving him with his brother’s ‘fun’ tasks he became a bit more understanding.
Also talk to the father, tell him to involve him in some outdoor activity and no matter how much you are tempted, don’t join them as you don’t want him to come crying to you when you have your second born and are unable to join.
As for the bonding part, that happens or at least begins to show when they grow slightly older.
Regardless of when you have a second one, you’ll have different issues to address so go for it only when you are comfortable.
Best of luck
16 years between my late sister and I, she was my best friend. 7 years between my 2 kids and they have an awesome relationship.
My suggestion would be if you have enough “ in your tank” to parent them both, equally - the gap , however small or huge, won’t make a bit of difference. But let your husband be more involved- and support him. Show your kids daddy is your equal too and that he is very important.
They aren’t just your kids, it must be really hard for him. Imagine how you’d feel if your child rejected your care and constantly cried for him…
Maybe wait till u can get child care or till ur toddler is in school. Nothing wrong with a 4-5yr gap in age. Enjoy them as they are young
I would stop and get your husband’s input in all of this. This whole post all you talked about was you and your son and how you are scared about how your son will react. Your husband has needs and wants to.
Ignore the idiots who say you got it wrong. Obviously they don’t know much about raising emotionally secure people. Sounds like you have a very happy child there! Touch wood. These patterns change slowly when the kid turns 5-6 and he starts developing the ability to reason and this stage is called concrete operations.
Breastfeeding is a super power - one that guards your child against a lot of toxins and rubbish illnesses. Natural term weaning is anywhere between 4-7 plus or minus a few years! And all this is from a momma who is a trained child psychologist and am learning to be a lactation consultant. Co sleeping and breastfeeding actually ensures more sleep than people who don’t really. Breaks are given as kids need time for their kidneys to develop to be able to hold pee through the night, for their brains to produce enough good stuff (serotonin) to be able to set their circadian rhythms and body clocks. Actually most sleep wake cycles have a break in them!
Now regarding another child - everything has pros and cons and it’s important for you to see if you have enough resources - physically, mentally, financially and otherwise to raise 2 humans! It might get demanding yes maybe even more than the first as no one can predict what combination of genes get passed on in the next pregnancy. That’s why baby related professions are so unpredictable.
So hang in there… pm me in you need to chat and remember you’re doing a rocking job so far!! It definitely all for the positive and nothing you’ve done is going harm your kid. Check out Janet Lansbury for suggestions about boundaries and attachment parenting or gentle parenting for more about this style.
Cut him off the tit spunky his ass and put him in his own room and shut the door
How stupid Know wonder the world is the shape it’s in
He is 2.5 and still breastfeeds? Is there any nutritional value in that??
There’s a few things to consider in your decision. First, I would look at everything you’re doing now and ask yourself if you feel it’s working . Every child develops at there own pace and toddlers can be challenging even at there best. I would recommend starting to provide small opportunities for your little one to develop some independence with some rewards and a lot of positive reinforcement. That will help build their confidence and self worth which is super important at that stage. I’d also consider how you feel your routine is working daily and think of if there is anything about that you would want to change. My 2 year old is mostly well behaved and we just had a baby and she is showing a lot more attention seeking behaviors which is totally normal. But you’re right, one is a lot with what you have to deal with now and that will most likely get significantly worse when you’re showing attention to a baby. Just some things to think about. Sounds like you have your hands full mama. Good luck !
I have two boys. My first child was soooo easy, laid back and very well behaved. My second is just like your first. I often say if I’d have had him first I would’ve stopped. But, then I wouldn’t of had my other ‘easy’ son.
I have 4 and the first 2 i waited 8 years to get pregnant then had the last 3 all 22 months apart. I thought like you until i had the second and they do not get along at all because of such an age gap. My oldest was spoiled then didn’t want anything to do with her sibling. The closest ages i have are like best friends. 6, 8, 10, and 19 are their ages and I am done but if i could have went back and had the second earlier i would have.
I had irish twins. Only 11 months apart. It was a lot of work but they are 7 and 8 now and they are best friends. I couldn’t imagine their lives with out eachother