Okay so I’ve been with my S/O for 5 years now. We live together & have 2 children. He works, I stay home with the kids. He knows I desire marriage. I don’t pressure him about it anymore because the topic seems to be uncomfortable for him. I feel like I can’t talk about it at all with him. I’m a good woman and he’s a good man and we have a fun loving goofy type of relationship. Besides the stress of children, work and the norm of life I feel that we are happy & good together. I know marriage isn’t important for everyone, but it is for me & I feel it should be for him as well because we are both Christian and I desire to honor God and grow old with the man I love. I don’t want to force it on him. I want him to want it to come naturally & for him to desire it just as much as I do. He also wants to have more kids and I’m not at all comfortable with adding more children to our family without being married. I definitely don’t want to break my family apart, but I feel that I have compromised my values enough. I have prayed for years, but my prayers aren’t being answered. What is the best advice you can give me to fulfill my dream of marriage without forcing him?
Be open and honest about your feelings, ask what is his concern or fears with it.
Counseling through your pastor?
You’ve given him everything without him needing to marry you. He probably sees no reason to do it now.
If he doesn’t want marriage and you do than in my opinion if you stay you will not be happy
Marriage means nothing work on love and marriage will come. Work on self and family will be formed
I feel you on this sooo much. Just over 7 years, 1- 5yr old son together, as well as him being Step Daddy to my 10yr old son from a previous relationship. I’ve stopped talking about it
Say good bye and find someone who does want to get married ok
Meet in the middle and have a commitment ceremony instead?
Maybe gods plan for you is to not marry.
He’s not sure about you. I would be concerned
There is nothing you can do to change his mind. After 5 yrs clearly you two will never see eye to eye on the subject. Either stay and accept he doesn’t want to get married or leave and find someone else. Those are honestly your two options. I don’t mean to sound rude but it is what it is.
Surely Jesus doesn’t care about government paperwork
To be 100% honest, coming from a gal who was in your EXACT position not even 10 years ago. WAIT. Wait until he is ready. Does it suck, sure does. But I feel that if I would have continued to pressure him he would be going into something feeling forced and I did not want that. And trust me, it caused a LOT of issues in our relationship and looking back, I am not even sure why it was such a big deal. Do I love being married, ABSOLUTELY. But pressuring him into something he doesn’t want at the same time I did only pushed him away rather than pulling him closer…
Just wait love, it’ll happen. You just have to remember that this is about you BOTH not just you. If he is happy how it is, then let him be <3
I’m on the opposite end of this. I too have no desire to get married. Ever since I was a little girl. For me, I don’t need to have a piece of paper 
to let my partner know I’m faithful, in love with them and not going anywhere. For some it’s a comfort level.
Should’ve got married then had kids.
First mistake was having children and living together without marriage. As harsh as it sounds you can’t expect him to want marriage now when he’s already gotten all of the benefits without that commitment.
He knows that you are not the one for him smh even after having Kids he still wont marry you.
He doesn’t want to be married because he already is married to you without the papers.
There are many legal benefits to marriage. Maybe connect on that level?
“I want marriage and my boyfriend doesn’t “
Either you fold or he does.
I told hubby after the first 2 were here he puts a ring on it or I’ll legally change my last name. We finally caved and went for option 1 and gave me 2 more babies since 
Agree to more kids if he agrees to elope? Is the issue marriage, is the issue a wedding? Does he know why marriage is important to you? Either way you need to sit down with a calm mind and discuss it, get all the feelings out, try not to push it and try not to get angry.
But also I know people that are engaged forever before ever getting around to getting married.
I’ve never had a desire to get married. But my current partner is my forever. He’s been married and doesn’t have any real desire to get married again. If I were to ever get married, I’d elope. I’d only be engaged as long as it took to get a license. Personal feeling on engagement, if I’m confident enough to accept, I’ll just do it here and now.
ugh was this not talked about before hand? he has to want it
Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. You can’t change him, only how you react to him. If marriage is that important… I’d strike out in my own with the kids.
You just need to decide if it’s a deal breaker for you. None of the other stuff matters.
Be patient and open with your man.
I would have a conversation with him about it. Why doesn’t he want to get married? Why do you want to get married?
Honestly, I am married and can say that it’s really just a piece of paper where the government knows who they can tie your debts to. Being married hasn’t really benefited us. We were together for 5 years before getting married. Got married and now have 3 kids. We have always had a strong relationship but being married didn’t do anything for us. If anything it hurt us financially.
I don’t think you can use Christianity as your reasoning when you already have kids together 
Some people aren’t meant for it, if it’s truly important to you then I’d just leave, otherwise you’ll end up resentful towards him. You shouldn’t have to make all the sacrifices.
He want to play house…rather than make an honest woman out of you. If you desire marriage, find someone who wants same things in life. Let him play roommate’s and house with someone who has same goals in life. Co parent…
Aren’t you supposed to get married before having kids, according to your religion ? He probably thinks that since you already live together, sleep in the same bed, have premarital sex and have kids, he doesn’t need to " honor God " bc he’s already done everything he isn’t supposed to before marriage lol.
Check with your state laws, you may already be a common law wife.
Also check to see how not being married would affect the children, and joint owner ship(house, car ect) if something was to happen to one of you.
My grandma used to say. They do not buy the cow if they get the milk for free.
Ask him what about marriage turns him off… let him be honest without a reaction. See what he says. You already do pretty much everything a married couple does anyways. What’s the issue? If it’s monetary offer prenup. If it’s the whole societal expectations and the marriage certificate etc then do a commitment ceremony. If he wants to explore his options let him go. Marriage is all about compromise there needs to be middle ground this isn’t just your life or his…
Don’t push it… if you push it and you convince him… your giving him leverage to throw it your face in the future.
If your committed to each other … then let it be.
Not to be a downer, but maybe the answer you want is not the one being given. Cannot force someone to marry.
Honestly it’s just a piece of paper. Marriage is over rated!
My husband and I were together 15 years before we got married. I would have been fine not staying married but he wanted to so we did. Nothing has changed since being married we already lived together and has a son, we recently had a daughter!
My advice would be to stop pressuring and be ok not being married 
Mamma, After the first child, maybe you should have put a quarter between your knees till the wedding vows were taken…
Honey you’ve already given him the cow… he’s not going to buy it
What do you want marriage for?
You’re a Christian and want to honor God but you had children out of wedlock? 
My MawMaw said to never give a man the milk when he won’t buy the cow. You have given him every benefit of marriage without commitment. All you can do now is tell him honestly how you feel. If that makes him uncomfortable, then so be it. If you want marriage, demand it. You can’t expect him to care when your actions say you don’t either.
I wouldn’t break up a happy home because of marriage. I could see if you didn’t have kids and that didn’t seem to Mayer because you already have 2 kids.
Make a plan before you decide to leave! Your dream marriage and relationship are about to be history! Blow it all up for a piece of paper? Please stop using God and religion since none of that mattered when you conceived 2 children and shacked up with him!
Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free?
Almost at 10 years with my man and not married with 4 kids I have always wanted marriage but he grew up in a dysfunctional marriage and has been surrounded by unsuccessful and unhealthy marriages so it isnt a priority or need for him. He always said he didnt want it from the very beginning and I decided that I would compromise on it! Yes I still poke fun about us not being married and in the past 2 years he has made comments about how he might be open to it but if we dont we dont! We both know where we stand on our relationship and a peice of paper will not change that!
You have allowed him to be in your life without being married, shouldnt yall have discussed this before the kids were born?
You want it and he doesn’t so either accept that or find someone who does want marriage. Marriage is good for certain things that a gf status won’t allow such as of he ends up in a hospital and you need details… ur options since he made it clear is accept ot move on though fr can’t force anyone and if he did it will most the time end in resentment
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
I lived with my current husband for 14 years & we only got married when I list my job & needed health insurance. I found another job right away so didn’t need his insurance after all. We have been together 28 years total so far. Marriage didn"t change us but I love being married.
Leave!! Dont kill your dream for him. I did. Was hot and cold 7 yrs… He only wanted it when i was leaving him… He is using you…
She asked for advice not judgement I say keep praying bout it
You stayed with him all that time knowing he didn’t want marriage. And now you want to talk about breaking your family up because of your values? Your values went out the window as soon as you had sex before marriage. You can’t use that against him now.
Marriage before kids is so crucial. I had my oldest young and unmarried and BOY how life would be different if I had listen. He has no reasons to marry he is already granted all the special privileges.
If you love him then piece paper shouldn’t even matter to you but the happy life you have now and beautiful family so why make a big deal on marriage nothing special
You’re Christian but have 2 children out of wedlock? Come on… And why fix what ain’t broke?
Marriage changes nothing, you’re still going to be the same people just with a ring on your finger and a peice of paper thats signed and a surname change if chosen .
This is a conversation you should have had 2 kids ago.
Well, you could probably mention there are legal benefits to being married. Joint bank accounts, insurance benefits, property, automatically pass to the spouse in case of an unexpected death. Otherwise you have to set up a will spelling all that out. Otherwise it all goes to the next of kin. If he still doesn’t want to get married, I guess you’ll have to give in to keep your family together. That’s important for the kids. If you love him… you know the kids do and they shouldn’t be uprooted unless you absolutely can’t stay. I know how you feel, being a Christian. Marriage is important. Keep praying. It could just be he’ll come around.
leave and meet someone who wants marriage. you cannot and should not force someone if that isn’t what they want. if that is a deal breaker for you then leave him.
You said you’re happy the way you are so let well alone and concentrate on your kids and well being
And why is this even a question the first sentence says it all and give you your answer that doesn’t make you a bad person it doesn’t make him a bad person to just make you two different people on two different pages breakup go find what you want so he can go find what he wants and stop wasting each other’s time and asking questions on social media and stop putting people in your business
Why is marriage so important to you? You had children out of wedlock (literally who cares, I’m not religious but by your own statements somehow honoring God is important to you). You live together, you have children together, you claim to be good partners to one another. Why is that piece of paper important?
I would explain if something happened that he needed something signed. He he couldn’t do it. Like he was in the hospital. Your not married and his other family would have to make the decision. You have his children and if something happened. You would have to care for them. You should have insurance that you are his family.
Maybe… hes still legal married and doesn’t want to tell you and he’ll have to file for divorce
I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 13 years. He doesn’t want to get married, I do. It’s important to me and I want the same last name as our kids. He hates being the center of attention. We have agreed to do something very small on the beach. Just us and our kids, my parents and best friend. If our wedding ever happens I will be so happy.If not, it is what it is. I love him more than anything and won’t leave over it. I will absolutely change my last name to his though 
Marriage is a piece of paper don’t give up a good relationship over that
Maybe it’s a financial concern for him? Have you ever asked him to do a courthouse wedding?
This is why you don’t compromise your values. You didn’t respect your own values but expect him to? You can’t do things backwards then get upset because they’re backwards. He’s just waiting for something better to come along.
This is a discussion you two should have had long before you got majorly serious …. To honor god…. But live with a man out of wedlock and had not one but two children…. So it seems kind of odd you want marriage now when things are fine as they are since religion or religious duties weren’t really a major discussion before the two of you played house all these years. Sorry to sound blunt but for many men, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. The system works fine now. If he wanted marriage he would have asked already
Did you express this to him when you two started dating? Having sex? Having children? If you did & chose to have children with him knowing he didn’t want to get married then that’s on you. If not then it’s time to sit down & have a come-to-Jesus-talk. Your not going to be able to force someone into marriage so if he’s absolutely dead set against it then you need to decide where you lie. If he doesn’t marry you will that end your relationship? Is this something you won’t be able to compromise? If no then you need to start preparing for life as a single mother. Job, housing, parenting plans for your children, etc.
Got the cart in front of the horse here…
something that should have been discussed wait before you had children IMO. You’re both supposed to be able to talk about your wants and needs especially for the future
Move on and find someone who will.marries you look at Diddy and his ex they were together 10 years then she left and started her life and family and got married
If he couldn’t make you a wife, he should have never made you a mother. Not saying you regret your children. I’m just saying he gave no thought to you and your family… Not only is he denying you he is denying his children the stability of knowing he’s in it for the long haul. He has left an opening that should he want to leave he doesn’t carry the responsibility of caring for you.
You’ve been praying for years… ever thought God just said no? If yall want different things, he’s not the man for you.
Listen…ignore what everyone of these people are saying. It’s nonsense. Marriage is a label. Woman tend to want that label more then men. But it really means nothing. Marriage only became a religious event during the Roman Empire and the “diamond ring” was a marketing stunt by debeers in the early 1900’s to get people to buy diamonds. None of it is really about religion. So throw that out the window.
He’s probably on that same plane of existence. In the eyes of the law you are legal partners after 7 years of continuous living together. So anything you’d be entitled to after marriage is the same after legal partnership.
In addition the only benefit to marriage in modern society is shared benefits and tax deductions. So I’d say get married for that reason. If you’re doing it because you want to do it then do it. But don’t leave a happy relationship over it. That’s insanity.
I ask my husband about marriage(before we married) and told me he did need a piece of paper say we love each other and I said well I do so i am looking for else to live and three weeks later he purposed so I did forcing him I let him know I had dreams too and one was to get married
Marriage is good for any legalities in life and will give you all especially the children the same surname ie his if they don’t already and you intend to take it should you marry other than that it really is just a piece of paper to be fair your relationship is a good one so why fix what is not broken 
He knows your wishes so its up to you, tell him no pressure or anything but I’m going to start planning things, either a wedding, a conscious uncoupling, child custody and employment options for yourself, and residential alternatives, at least you wont be in limbo
I don’t think I’d want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry me in return. I made the mistake with my ex, thinking that a child would help our marriage, but we still divorced. My point is that if things are good the way they are, why not just enjoy it? Maybe marriage would not make anything better. If you both can’t figure out a way to live happily in whatever decision is being made, than maybe it’s time to part ways. Ending a relationship is a very positive thing to do if things are not working out, regardless of the stigma around exes and co-parenting.
I was the one that postponed it for years we are solid and happy . Year 2 I recd engagement ring . Made him put in over 15 years . Never a break up a few hick ups but always worked it out . Going on 4 yrs married . We love each other even on the rough days . I always thought paperwork changes relationships but I’ve been proven wrong
Maybe talk to him about the possibility of doing a ceremony to save vows and promise yourselves to each other without doing the actual wedding marriage certificate paperwork. Because really marriage is just a piece of paper. I went through a phase like a year ago where I was more leaning towards wanting to be married. I’m not a huge marriage person it doesn’t make much of a difference to me or to my spouse. But we have talked about having like a ceremony and saying vows to each other and have the celebration with family of us fully deciding that we’re in It to win It.
If its not broke don’t fix it!!!
Find a new boyfriend
Take him to church… and let it be of his own choice… it worked for me! We get married next month!
Tell him if he dies tomorrow you are left with nothing an how will you get by ??? If you marry it’s extra tax credits for as a spouse an the children ! An if something pray it doesn’t but if it does you get his social security!! Make that will make him think !!
Have you told him this?you can honor God by being faithful… you don’t HAVE to have more children.
Seems like you have no idea why he’s potentially opposed to marriage. You need to start there. Cant fix what you dont know is broken.
Throw on the movie “he’s just not that into you”?
Why does he not want to get married?
Marriage is piece of paper. So sign paperwork that give you rights if he dies. That covers your kids. The same things you would get if married.
I don’t think you should leave him cos he won’t marry you, i do think this discussion should of taken place when it got serious.
I know a couple who was married and struggling financially. The woman needed some mental help that she couldn’t get because they couldn’t afford it. They divorced for other reasons then she got the help she needed with the State’s help and they wound up back together. Marriage was destroying them because he made too much money for the state to consider helping her mental status. 
Lots and lots of things to consider.
Why would he marry you now, you are already doing everything a wife would do. But this should have been discussed before having kids. If it’s a religious thing then marriage would have came first. At this point your options are to just accept not being married or leave and find someone else who wants to marry you. But since you have kids and a life together it’s harder now.
Marriage may just be a piece of paper, but it ensures legal protection in the event of his death. And it does happen!
Try seeing if he would be down for a spiritual wedding. God doesn’t care about the legal piece of paper. You get your wedding and write out a spiritual peace of paper to sign but no legal bounds. That’s usually what scares the men.
My guy was opposed to marriage before he met me.
And now I don’t want to get married and he does.
I’d say figure out the reason and go from there