You should respect his choice. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want. Both of your feelings matter. Maybe, it’s time to find someone else that will consider what you want. I don’t think bringing up god and religious values… in my opinion it’s kind of a moot point given having children and living together already out of wedlock. Does he explain why marriage isnt important to him? I mean it’s not for everyone. My parents were together for like 16 years without being married. When they did get married they were separated after two years. It complicated everything for them. I didn’t even consider marriage until I meta husband. It was never in the cards for me but he changed my whole thought about it. I would talk to him open and honestly.
If he doesn’t want to don’t force it on him cuz he will regret it. You guys are already doing things married couple do anyways. If you guys are that religious surely marriage would’ve came first?
You shouldn’t have to pressure a man smh if it’s no it’s a no
Your values? Girl your religion doesn’t mean as much to you as you’re trying to claim. You’re out here living with your boyfriend and having premarital sex. You already got kids too. No judgement, I’m just saying maybe reevaluate what is ACTUALLY important to you, because it obviously isn’t your religion that’s just your crutch.
If marriage and more kids is a deal breaker just say that. It’s ok there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Y’all need to talk though and figure out if they are deal breakers now before you’ve wasted even more time.
After 3 years a no go
Couples counseling to see if y’all can compromise and to get him to express his fears so you can deal with them & to help you see things from each other’s perspective.
Sometimes God answers our prayers in a way we don’t understand or like. If this is a deal breaker for you my advice is to hold strong to your values. I respect not everyone wants to get married. But if* he is the man for you he will change his mind. If he doesn’t maybe God is telling you that he isn’t the man for you? I wouldn’t pressure him I would just be honest. Tell him that you will not have more children with a man who isn’t willing to commit to you the way YOU NEED. It may be hard to hear but I think he has told you your answer and you don’t want to hear it. Again If marriage is your deal breaker end the relationship and do your best to Coparent.
Let me add that you could tell him when you sit down that you are already living as if you were married. God forbid you or him were in a horrible accident NEITHER of you could make any medical decisions (that could save the others life)for the other bc you’re not married so by law you aren’t the next of kin.
You’ve set the bar of acceptance. Men, all men do what they can get away with. You’ve gave him permission to have children with you with the piece of paper. He is doing what You’ve allowed. Now, onto resolution. YOU need to decide are YOU willing to kero the bar low. You must be the one to say "Look hun, we love each other, committed and have children and want more. We are getting the piece of paper to secure this. We can go to the court house and make it legal before God. " 1 of 3 things will happen. 1) Your last name changes 2) He puts you off and you tolerate it 3) You dismantle this relationship.
If a man don’t want to marry you move on there’s a reason why he doesn’t want to an 99 times out of 100 it’s in your favour… there’s men that marry within 3 months of being with someone and a man that hasn’t asked or refuses to will NEVER move on
Leave. If he doesn’t want to commit to give you and your children security it means he doesn’t want to stay with you until death. You deserve to be a wife because you are already doing the duties of a wife.
I was the one not really ready for marriage I’ve never scene it work out for ppl in the long run so I never wanted to go into it lightly I’ve bein with my now fiancé for 9 years he ask me last Christmas and some ppl take longer to realize it will be okay marriage isn’t a death sentence for your relationship and to me 5 years is long but some ppl stay in relationship that long and it doesn’t work out as long as he’s not totally against it let him do it in his own time I always told my fiancé I wanted to get married I just didn’t think I was ready I only want to get married once in my life time ppl around me have bein married several times and I have ppl who were married 20 years and divorced nothing is a 100 percent but if you are truly happy I wouldn’t give that up for anything
Your right you can’t make him marry you. It sounds like a good relationship the way it is. You don’t fix something that isn’t broken. You don’t have to be married to please God. I’m sure he sees the good in it.
All you need is love
and you have that.
From what you are
saying he is not going anywhere. He loves you and
his children and he wants more that saying a lot. And if you don’t want more that is okay.
I think he would understand. I pray you get what you want. 
The cult with the sky daddy kink is at it again
Why would he want marriage?
If things are fine and been this way a while do you actually want marriage or just the wedding ?
When you act like a wife why would he want to put it on paper
He probably figures you all did it ass backwards so why try and correct it . Christians believe in no sex before marriage and no babies out of wedlock . If you are so bent held on your beliefs then why let all that happen . Forcing a man or woman to marry you is not ok . To me marriage is a whole lot more than just a piece of paper 
Stop ignoring the red flags and go and get who and what God has for YOU 
Did you know he didn’t want to get married before having children with him? It isn’t fair to think he will just eventually change his mind. He clearly doesn’t want to get married and that’s fine. I would not throw religion in his face though, you’ve already had children together so it clearly wasn’t an issue.
If things are fine and been this way a while do you actually want marriage or just the wedding ?
Why is he not willing to commit ?
If you desired to honor God, you would have gotten married before having children.
That aside, sit the man down one-on-one, with no distractions and have a conversation, one that you should have had before starting a serious relationship and having children. If he is adamant about not getting married and you’re adamant about getting married, you have a problem.
Sounds like I could have posted this but with four children and almost 8 years. We’ve talked about it but we are waiting for the day we can actually get everyone we want gathered for it and have the money to cover everything else. We are going to do a courthouse marriage and a small gathering at whatever house we are at.
Why is a piece of paper so important. It changes nothing but your last name .
Deal beaker- i say this because you cant be half married of have half a child. There isnt a compromise either you wait and you could resent him for denying you what you truly want or wait for him to be ready( he may never get there or it could be 10 years from now).
Your prayers are being answered you just don’t like the answer. You have given him the wife without the title. Why put a ring on your finger if he is already getting the benefits?
COMMITMENT CEREMONY… everything a wedding has to offer for the feel that you are looking for and the no paper signing that he is looking for
Why would he want to get married when you are already doing everything a wife does? I mean 
Marriage is not just a piece paper first off people who say that are jaded. Secondly there are legal reasons as to why it’s important your a stay at home home mom. Heaven forbid something happens to him such as medical needs you can’t answer for him/make decisions your not his wife or family that’s what the hospital will say or he passes away his parents will get all decisions. Secondly love is great but when it comes to legal issues the law does not care about how much he loves you it’s about that paper stating your his legal wife and are entitled to his benefits. You wont get a dime from his retirement or survivor benefits. If he loves you like he says he does then he will take all this into consideration. You don’t need a huge wedding but definitely why is he getting everything he wants a wife and kids a nice loving home to come home to but he can’t give you what you want. I understand compromise but it should not be all on your shoulders. Definitely do not have more kids unless your needs are met that will be more children to worry about and if those legal issues ever come up you will struggle. Don’t push what you want aside for anyone ever. 
One day he will, just talk to him non confrontationally and let him know it’s what you want, then continue on with the happy life you’ve described, pray on it more. My husband was the same way, and we decided together that we wanted to get married, I feel like I pushed it, so I didn’t get a proper proposal, and that is something I wish I wouldn’t have held out for. I know we would still be together I just rushed it.
If you upheld your Christian values, you’d have already been married before you had a baby. And more than likely not to him. It’s not going to work. You’re just drawing out a breakup.
I for one don’t believe in marriage to much. But thats me. It seems to me that once a couple live together for a while and get married don’t seem to work out.
But how ever (legally,) if something should happen to eather one of you, you don’t have a say in any of his medical treatment, and he has no say in your medical treatment. And if one of you should pass away neither one has a say in what kind of Arrangements to make. These are some things he needs to think about.
I hope and pray that you get married soon. And hope yall have a lifetime of joy and happiness.
I feel like this is something you should have discussed early in your relationship and definitely before you had kids. You need to make the decision if this is your hill to die on or not. You sound like you have a good relationship otherwise so I’m not on board with other that say you should leave him part. You could easily find someone else that has the same marriage values as you, but in the end they could be a horrible partner.
Kinda blew the christianity already if you’re that strict. What’s the difference if you have two or five kids before marriage?
Marriage is just a piece of paper woth very little perks. So
Do
What
Makes
You
Both
HAPPY
You should’ve had this talk around the 2nd year mark of your relationship so you two could have a better understanding of one another. You don’t have to get married to honor god, you’re doing it already. you have a family, the household. you two are good for one another. Technically it sounds like you two are already married
I would tell him if anything were to happen to either one of you your boyfriend girlfriend have no say in your care only family does and I’m sure your kids are under 18 so they can’t speak for you just something he needs to think about I know people are against marriage however when something happens that you aren’t able to speak the doctors or state will make the final decisions
God isn’t answering the way you want…but they’ve been answered.
If it’s working now for the both of You, leave it alone…
I would tell him if anything were to happen to either one of you your boyfriend girlfriend have no say in your care only family does and I’m sure your kids are under 18 so they can’t speak for you just something he needs to think about I know people are against marriage however when something happens that you aren’t able to speak the doctors or state will make the final decisions
Quit doing what the Bible tells you you should do and do what your heart wants you to do. I respect your belief as a Christian but there’s a million things people don’t follow from the Bible AT ALL that you live with probably every day. I would just sit him down and say is this a never type of thing or a not right now kind of thing because you deserve to have the life that you want
If he doesn’t want to marry you then you’re the placeholder for the woman he does. I’d walk and find someone who will give you what you want.
Young one, God works in his time not yours. If it’s meant to be it will be. You can not force love but I do agree no more children until you both are on the same page about this.
If he wanted to, he would have already without you even bringing it up. How old are you both, if you don’t mind me asking? I was 21 almost 22 when my husband and I started dating, he proposed 6 months later and we got married 2 weeks after our one year anniversary. I never once thought hard or asked him about marriage. One of his family members asked me one day what my perfect proposal would be if I wanted to get married and I said I really don’t have an idea since I’ve never thought about it, I just want to know the person respects my dad enough and has his permission. I’m old fashioned and traditional. My husband unbeknownst to me went and asked my dad then we picked rings. My stepson on the other hand was 16 (2017) when he met and started dating his now fiance, she was 23. They have a 3 year old daughter and they are getting married in September 2022. They got engaged on her birthday in December 2020. SS is 21 now.
Well, is he against marriage or the wedding itself? And are you just wanting to be married for religious values or wanting a wedding? A lot of people find the price of a wedding overwhelming and this could be his issue. Perhaps just getting married at the courthouse where it’s almost free would be more appealing to him. It would be a win win.
Your first problem was deciding to shack up before marriage. Within that time frame you gave him 2 kids. Don’t give a man wife privileges without being his wife, and then complain about not being a wife later down the road. You’ve given it all to him for free. Of course there’s no rush for him now. I’m sorry about your situation, but as a Christian you should’ve already known this.
You can’t force him to marry you. If marriage is a make or break and he doesn’t want it then you should probably go ahead and leave. This is something y’all should have discussed early on in the relationship honestly. Is this your hill to die on or can you compromise just a little bit more. You already compromised your Christian values when you slept with someone before marriage anyway. What does it matter if you have 2 kids or 10 kids out of wedlock? Y’all sound like you have a great life and relationship. I would keep focusing on that, and stop making yourself miserable putting all that pressure on yourselves. A lot of the “values” are unrealistic when it comes to religion now a days. And I consider myself a Christian as well.
I’ve been with my SO for ten years. Have two children. Do we plan on getting married? Absolutely. When it’s the right time for both of us.
Ok um u already have kids together and ur happy why ruin it? It’s not like the old days where people stay together 4 years. Not mocking ur Christianity but if it was that important u would’ve waited 4 it all till u were married just saying. Just be happy.
Sounds like you’re married already. I don’t understand the need to be approved by the government to be with your partner
Stop praying and let it come naturally just as your letting it for him because like you said your prayers ain’t being answered so thats god telling you he aint the 1 
nah but in all seriousness I’m the same as him my partner wants 2 get married and I don’t and he knows that and respects it because I set it straight years ago and I’m sorry but if you can’t accept that he don’t want it than move on cause your sitting in limbo waiting for something that will properly never happend and if he hasn’t straight out told you he doesn’t Wana get married than ask him and I’m sure he has a reason for it. But my question is you’ve already had 2 kids before marriage so why stop now and wait for marriage should of properly thought about that before having your 1st 2 kids with this man. I see you said YOU feel like uz are happy & good together but what does he feel cause he may not be feeling the same way as you. It’s also natural for you to have feelings and him to have his own but you should never think he should feel the same way as you cause that’s not how it works if that was the case we would all get our own way i say respect his wishes stay and wait it out or move on and let god answer your prayers
If you don’t want kids before marriage then you are 2 to late. Marriage is really just a piece of paper.
Well I mean, you need to make that decision if it’s a deal breaker or not. If he doesn’t want to now after kids? Odds are he won’t want to… so it’s either take him as he is and love him or let him know that’s a deal breaker
What about the legal ramifications of not being married. Are you on his retirement account, health insurance, so many other things? So many things to consider for you and your children. Even Social Security if something happened to him. Maybe approach him with your concerns of the children and their futures.
Have you had a serious discussion as to his real concerns about marriage? Did his parents divorce?
You have to weigh the pros and cons and do what is best for you and your children. Good luck.
There are two of you in any relationship. You do have a say! Plus since you aren’t working outside of the home then you aren’t building any social security credits for your future. You won’t be able to collect off of his social security either if you two were never married. You have some major decisions to make with or without him for your present and your future.
Could you please unfriend me…I can’t seem to unfriend your site and I don’t want it on my facebook anymore.
You should of had this conversation with him before you had 2 kids with him lol. You made this decision knowing he didn’t want to get married & now you are complaining about it🤦🏼♀️
Find a Christian marriage and family counselor. Go to therapy solo and together figure out how to get on the same page. Pray about it.
Best thing to do is bring it up and tell him you want marriage and that it’s a deal breaker, if he still doesn’t agree then leave him and find someone who has the same goals as you
It seems like it is a deal breaker for you to not be married. So decide if it is and decide if it is worth your relationship for a piece of paper. Also, why doesn’t he want to be married? You have to consider why he wouldn’t. No one knows how important this is besides you so some of the comments are crap. You can always change your mind and what wasn’t as important 2 kids ago now seems to be a big mountain to you. There’s nothing wrong with growing and realizing you’ve been settling. You just need to sit down and really think about your options and what life is going to look like without that man as your partner.
He’s been clear since the beginning. You chose to compromise your “values” thus far already. The ship has long since sailed.
What exactly about marriage is he hesitant on? Some states have common law marriage and will recognize some aspects just like any marriage. You can even start using his last name if you wanted and it would become legal without going through all the hassle. My mom did. But in the end when my dad got really sick they had to go to the courthouse and officially get married because federally the government didn’t recognize their common law marriage so she’d be able to collect his death benefits too. These are the important things to talk about, in case of any accident or death how could it be handled when you have young children. This in my opinion is why one should get married so in any event such as death or terrible accident the spouse can make decisions and be taken care of because the federal government won’t recognize just a partner. Least they didn’t when my dad died. Sit down and discuss this with him. It’s important. It’s not important to be married because of your religion. It’s important in my opinion to be taken care of in case of an unfortunate event.
i say if u together for 2 yrs and he hasnt asked move on
As a Christian, I would encourage you to get plugged into a Bible believing church and seek council from people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear. Both of you should be doing this. If you want to be complete, you can’t do that without including Christ in every aspect. If he is a Christian, he will recognize and respect this. You both have already not started on the right path by living together and I’m assuming having a continued sexually active relationship outside of wedlock, as well as children outside of wedlock. That doesn’t mean that Jesus doesn’t want you to give it all to Him now I don’t say this out of judgement because Lord knows it was only by Gods grace that I didn’t have kids out of wedlock myself. I lived a very secular lifestyle before giving my life fully to Christ. My relationship with my husband started that way too. I moved in with him and we lived like a married coulple while dating for a little while. We celebrate ten years of marriage this year. Granted neither of us objected to marriage so that wasn’t something that I had to battle. My point is that it can get better. My husband and I both focused on Christ and grew together toward Christ. Your advice needs to come from Christian people, from you reading the word of God yourself, your prayers, and your application of His word in your life. That truth is that it may break your family apart. But if what you’re looking for is a Godly marriage and to align your life with Christ, you must put your foot down. He will move on your behalf if you’re willing to give it all to Him. And if it breaks up your family, God has better for you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 
My prayers are lifted up for you. This is hard and takes courage and lots of faith but remember it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains The world will give you worldly advice…. Seek wisdom through Christ sister
So, the thing is, there is literally no upside to marriage for him, regardless of any upside for you. If having 2 kids with him didn’t make him want to marry you, then it’s doubtful anything will now.
Aww… sending hugs.
I was the same way…i didnt want to get married but my husband did. my reasoning is i didnt believe in it. I felt like i committed by being with him like married couple.
However…I feel maybe try talk to him. Tell him how important it is to have marriage for xyz reasons. If its a no go… then you will need to decide. 1. Can you live your life like this without marriage. i mean maybe someday he will realize its time for marriage. 2. you can end the relationship because you deserve have something you want…i mean you have given him alot.
I understand you want marriage, totally get it. However, you compromised everything 5 yrs ago.Depending on which state you live in your arrangement you now have could be commonlaw.
Either except the fact that he doesn’t want to marry or move on. Those are your options.
Maybe you should of thought about this before having the kids you already have. You can’t force someone into wanting or believing in marriage but you can make sure you have legal issues in order naming each the others POA and beneficiary and legal partners in case anything was to happen to either of you. With a bit of leg work and filling out of paperwork you can both be assured that you will have legal rights for each other. These days domestic partners can have and accomplish anything married couples can…buy homes, cars, property, life insurance, medical insurance and it goes on. You need legal documents drawn up. If you’re wanting marriage simple because of the moral issues, it’s a little late for that. Maybe explaining to him that for legal purposes it may make things easier if you were married will help but if he doesn’t want to marry you why do you want to try to fix something that isn’t broken? 
Marriage or Atleast legal domestic partnership is important for many reasons like health insurance for you and kids and if something were to happen to either of you, maybe try pitching those things? Because your reasons are pretty trivial.
Honestly not everyone is comfortable with it. I wasn’t thrilled about the idea even though I loved him. I was actually terrified of marriage due to things from my childhood.
Girl you already gave him everything without marriage. Absolutely NOTHING will change for either of you aside from signing some papers. You should have put your foot down years ago and avoided having children with this man when he didn’t offer you marriage previously. Probably too late to change his mind at this point. Like the saying goes “A man won’t buy the cow when he’s getting the milk for free” You should have had higher expectations for your relationship & yourself a long time before now.
Why ruin q good relationship over a piece of paper? However if it’s important you then accept it or let him go.
You are already giving him everything a wife would, so he probably won’t see the benefit of marrying now. Did you tell him at the beginning of your relationship that marriage is this important to you? If so, it wasn’t a deal breaker?
He gets the milk for free…
Why buy the cow ?
Thats was deff me my moms been married 4 times so that kinda destroyed my image of marriage. I was with my significant other for 12 yrs before we married. I was pregnant with my 2nd child and at that point we both just knew it was time. I wasn’t going anywhere and neither was he. I would say if he’s giving zero chances for marriage and it’s that important to you yall need therapy before you walk away. I would be lyin if I said marriage hasn’t caused some issues along the way esp now that my husband was injured on the job and is currently receiving disability, had we not gotten married he’d receive more in disability but my income plays a factor into his now. But other then that it’s been fine our lives haven’t changed drastically.
You should have thought about your values before you decided to sleep with a guy without being married.
So , now after five years and two kids you are worried about your values and your honor for God 
. I do not see the issue with having more kids because you already has two another one is not going to affect your “ relationship with God “
You can NOT force anyone into a marriage if they don’t want to, things like this are supposed to be talk before you decide to be with someone and has kids .
Move on!!! You said that you guys have a nice relationship so stop bringing drama to it
Oh wow. Definitely do not have any more children. Go get a job and listen to what he’s saying. It’s not going to change. Accept it or move on.
Should of thought of that 5 years and 2 kids ago…he has what he wants, why shouldn’t you…
Find someone else. Five years and two kids haven’t persuaded him, so it’s unlikely anything will. Why build this life with him knowing that he gave you his bottom line on marriage, and you’d never have that level of commitment or fulfillment from him? Not being snarky or trying to shade you.
is he really a good Christian tho? what would God say about cohabitating without the benefit of marriage?
U don’t need a piece of paper to be committed to someone . Did u know he didn’t want to get married when u met him and had kids with him and just hoped he would change his mind ?
GOD knows your heart, GOD does not command you to be married just faithful!..to each other and love each other.
shouldve stood on this before kids your moving backwards i wouldnt have anymore kids nor would i be having any type of sex or doing the duties of a wife if i can’t get the title if thats what you require for your happiness then he should adhere to it if you guys already live together and have a family marriage covers you in health health insurance and in other aspects and he should want that coverage for his family
Well it should be important to and for your children. If he isn’t responsible enough to marry you and legally be their father. Dump him! There are good men that would be a committed legal father to your children. A man with no values is a horrible role model.
You can’t. If he doesn’t want marriage then he doesn’t. Can’t force it…so if you want marriage then you know what you gotta do
Your prayers were answered the man you’re with does not want to be married and after 5 years he’s obviously not going to change his mind you can pray all you want but sometimes the answer you receive is not the one you want God never gives you what you want he gives you what you need and obviously his answer is that if you want to be with this man it will be an unwed relationship so if you desire marriage you really need to look elsewhere because you will not find it with the man you’re with if he obviously after 5 years still has no desire to be married
Don’t go pulling the religious card when you’re unwed already with children you sound ridiculous!
Why don’t you propose to him and see what he says? At least you’ll know for sure.
Approach him and say how much you love him then state you would love to be his wife then say “Help me understand why you don’t want marriage.” Work at understanding his thoughts and feelings. Don’t make it a fight keep it a calm loving discussion. Maybe instead of a legal marriage look into a spiritual one that will make you married in the eyes of god.
My husband and I were together for 9 years before we got married, 7yrs we had our 1st son. He proposed to me in these exact words. We’ll have to get married the next time you get pregnant or I’ll never here the end of it LOL We got married 2 years later after I had a miscarriage. We may not have been able to hold and love that baby but we got married in honor of it. We will be together for 26yrs in August married for 17ys in August as well. I’m just sharing to help you keep hope. If it’s meant to be it will happen. God loves those 2 babies you have now just as much as he’ll love your coming babies married or not. Good luck, keep it honest with him and how much it means to you. Maybe it’s not a deal breaker but it would mean the world to you. I hope he thinks on it long and hard and makes the right decision to keep you happy.
Oh man that’s probably something you guys should have talked about before you had children. Maybe you did and you thought he’d change his mind but that clearly wasn’t the outcome, or you didn’t and here you are. Unfortunately I don’t know that there’s any changing anyone’s mind about getting married but you can definitely say you’re not having more children. If marriage is something you really want it sounds like you’ll have to find that with someone else. Ultimatums rarely work and unless there’s some huge change of heart in him, it’s probably just where you are. So you have to decide are you comfortable staying with you and your two children, having no more and not getting married, knowing that that will be a point of contention between you?
Just remember if you aren’t married you can not draw social security off of him when you get older if you choose to say at home and not work. You have to be married at least 10 years to draw it in my state. Don’t live your life letting a man take care of you, go to school, you can do it online or actually go, or go to work. I don’t think I would have any more children with your current situation. Look at it this way, if he dies who do you have to fight to get the assets that you to have right now? Do you own your own home, land, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, life insurance? Does he have other children? You may not work outside of the house but you have spent 5 years so far, What would you walk away with for your children? How would you take care of them?
I am old fashioned and have always told my kids not to have children before they get married, each couple is different and I know this, but if you are already acting like his wife, he has the kids etc he might not understand what the difference a piece of paper will make. To us it’s different but to him he could be worried that getting married will change things. Did you not discuss marriage when you started dating? That might have made a big difference is your relationship from the very beginning.
What is marriage going to give you that you don’t have already?
Have you spoken to him? If that’s how you feel, I think he should respect it…. But if yall aren’t on the same page maybe yall are meant to be….
Stop having sex before marriage. He’ll come around quick…
Marriage unless youre religious is a peice of paper saying I love you so much I’m getting the government involved.
You’re at an impasse. I think you should tell him that you’ve made the decisions you’ve both made together, comprising because you’ve wanted to be married, but you moved in together and started the family anyway. So now more kids is off the table if marriage is off the table. That means keeping status quo. It will either be enough for you or you will break up.
If its so important to you to marry, why did you start having babies before you were married? Ridiculous
Been together 25 yrs and still not married but we did a personal commitment ceremony and committed ourselves to each other in front of God.