I am my husband’s second wife. He had three children in his first marriage. We now have two together- equaling five together. All five children are the same sex. The husband refuses any more children, while I desperately want one more. Any thoughts or advice? How can a couple of compromise on something that is the polar opposite? (Financially we can afford all of our children)
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Time to get a divorce and find someone willing to have another child.
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If he won’t do it, someone else will. 
#worldsworstfact
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You didnt know that before you married him?
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Ok I’m sure she doesnt want to get a divorce… they already have 2 together plus his other kids.
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5 kids is a lot of kids.
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My husband didn’t for the longest time. We talked extensively about it. We came to an agreement that we would try for one more but we’d wait till our others were in school and older. We compromised. After this one we are done. It took time but when he realized how much I really honestly wanted one more he came around.
One of you will get what they want. The other won’t. Figure out what will work best for your family.
If one partner doesn’t want more, you shouldn’t have more, imo. You can certainly keep discussing it, but a child deserves 2 parents that want him or her.
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Can you support another child?
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He’s supporting 7 people…money only goes so far. Child support rent, bills clothes car car insurance food the list is endless
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He doesn’t want more so that’s the end of the discussion. If you’re that desperate for more kids, divorce him and attempt to find a new man who is willing to take on you, your kids, and have a new baby. In the process you’ll uproot your children from their seemingly well lives and inflict quite a bit of childhood trauma. But you’ll get that new baby in the process and that’s all that matters to you so it’s all good 
He doesn’t want anymore and had 2 with you. There is no way to compromise a child. Also you should never have a child with someone who doesn’t want to. I think he’s perfectly in his right to say no more and you should respect that. Not having kids and asking for more kids is different. Get over it and get a puppy. Stop forcing more responsibility on the guy he already supports 7 people. Sheesh.
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Have a heart to heart. Why do you want more and why does he not. Honestly, with him having 5, he is probably ready for freedom and not having a baby anymore. The countdown to being able to do bigger family things without packing half the house may be in his mindset.
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Of one says no it’s the winner. Why break up the family it is already complied enough.
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That’s a lot of kids. I don’t blame him for not wanting 6. You knew how many kids he had when you dated him so it can’t come to a crazy surprise that he doesn’t want more.
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Damn some of this advice is crazy! 
I would find out his reason why he doesn’t want to have another child and if there is a way of compromising then hopefully you both can consider it. I think sometime it’s just the matter of time. Give him a year or two to reconsider. How old is the youngest?
I’m absolutely terrified for my family right now with everything going on in the world. I’m scared to death for my 2yr old when I have to take him to the store with me without a choice. I love kids and I wouldn’t mind having more myself. But Having a baby should be the last thing on our minds! At least till this virus can be controlled or gone! Doctors and nurses have enough to deal with already! 
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I suggest fostering children that will fulfill your needs
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By compromise you mean how can you get what you want? Because this is a situation where it’s either have another child or dont. Perhaps take into consideration his feelings as well…
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You really want another child with what’s going on in the world ? Fostering is much more needed .
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Have a child by someone else then … totally kidding. Talk about it some more discuss the reasons why you think you want another baby and listen to why he doesn’t maybe you can realize you don’t want one or maybe he realizes he does want one more
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In our house, the no always wins.
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Honestly, talk about it.i asked my husband what goals he wants to accomplish before another baby. Make and set some goal like a bigger house, making x amount of money, saving x amount of money. Etc. Just getting a “idont want any” and a “i do” isnt good enough.
Compromising having another child is kind of not possible. He does not want anymore so unless you leave him I don’t see it happening 🤷 he has 5 and you only have 2 so I can see the conflict but maybe just be happy with what you got & adopt a dog 
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I have 2 and I keep saying no more. Lol the man has 7 people to take care of… 5 kids is alot. But sit down and talk it out. Explain your side. Let uim explains yours . You will eventually get your way. Lol
I feel for you. I believe you have a say so in how many children you have. It’s not fair that you have to limit how many children you want to have. Not sure how you can convince hubby but definitely list your reasons why and discuss it.
Just be like…“well I stopped my birth control” let him handle himself from there:joy: I’m jk btw. Maybe sometime in the future he’ll change his mind. My man and I agreed to be done at 2 (boys) and this little one (also boy) was a COMPLETE SURPRISE. Now he wants to try again (for a girl) I don’t get it he was sooo done with two… Now he wants four!? I’m in lol I’ve changed too. Maybe sometime he’ll change his mind. There’s not really a win win here. If you have another baby he doesn’t want he may have resentment. However the same can be said for you too. Wanting a child you can have hurts. Try to talk to him. Someday he may see a baby and change his mind 
good luck
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That’s a discussion for yourself and your husband to have. It’s a big thing that one of you is unfortunately to give up.
Five kids is a lot and I see why he may not want anymore. My husband and I have two and I am done. I do not want anymore even though my husband would be happy with a third down the line. Thankfully, he is really understanding and agrees that we should not have anymore. You have two of your own and three bonus kiddos. Cherish them all.
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I have one child, and I swear I don’t want anymore, that’s just my choice, I had a terrible pregnancy and terrible labour and my daughter has epilepsy. I raised her alone, I have come to terms with the fact that a future partner may want children with me, but I just don’t want anymore, and nobody can force me into it. If they can’t accept that I don’t want anymore children, I understand why they’d want to leave. That’s just me though… you either live with it or run from it
5 children is a lot. All the expenses and time each child needs. You cannot force someone to have another child when they don’t want to. You need to sit down with him and list your reasons for wanting another and he list his reasons for not. After that, if you both still disagree, you need to decide what’s more important, the family you have now or another baby.
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Its hard. You can’t force him to be comfortable with it but he can’t expect you to be okay with it either. I would try talking to him again about any hopes you may havs
Didn’t you talk about how many kids you both wanted before you got married??
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Not much you can do if you want to avoid a divorce. But honestly, my advice after my divorce: You do you! My ex was adamant that he didn’t want anymore kids then ran right out and immediately knocked up a stripper 
This one might a different genda. Chat to him about it again. All the best
stop pushing!!! you need to be respectful of his wishes… my husband wants one but my body can’t deal with another one…
Talk to him about it, and maybe in a manner less of " I want another baby now" and more on the lines of " what has you so stressed, and what’s got you so worried about expanding?" Seems like he obviously has something going on internally, and yes, how you feel is extremely important, but dont forget his feelings matter too.
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I think you should back off and give him space surrounding the subject. Your wants don’t override his, it needs to be an equal agreement or you will just have more issues arise. Things change within a 4 year span, don’t force a child on somebody. Figure out reasons and underlying issues surrounding why he doesn’t want more children.
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What if you don’t have a girl??
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Would you really consider tearing your current child’s life apart by divorce over this? Sounds like something else is going on.
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Mine said the same thing but we don’t take precautions or anything. It’s not a no if they still want sex.
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Talk to him because either way it.could end u. If u are.not on same page and push him to have another I.could push him away and if he refuses amd.disregards your feelings he pushes u away.
You can not force someone to want another baby. When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th, my husband literally hit his head on his work truck repeatedly. He is now 3 and my husband loves having another child now. He may change his mind down the line, just because y’all originally said 4 years apart doesn’t mean it HAS to be like that. Talk to him, and if you love him you wouldn’t force, push or leave him just because of it. That’s a bit selfish.
Talk to him he is stressed about something.
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Well maybe he didnt realize the responsibilities with a child before u had ur child i wouldnt force something if its not a mutual understanding and wh9 says ur would have a girl the second time around
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I wanted another baby when my oldest was about 3 or 4… my husband was not for it. When my daughter turned 7 he was ready and I was scared they were too far apart in age but boy was I wrong. I have two daughters,25 year old and an 18 year old. They cannot be seperated. They are CLOSE!!! Ease back on the pressure… you will have another baby when you both are ready. Enjoy your little one for now❤️
Then you don’t have more kids. Period. Unless you want to divorce him. This is a major thing you both need to agree on.
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Don’t put a time limit on it. You are still so young. Siblings that are farther apart in age get along just as well as if they r close. And then they can help u with the baby also!
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If he doesn’t want more children, thats his personal choice & it’s his right to make that decision just as much as it being a woman’s right to choose what she does with her body. I think you should back off a bit. Nobody wants to be pressured into something they don’t want to do & he may end up resenting you. Finding out his reason may help.
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Better start talking who knows maybe he’s met someone and that’s why he doesn’t want more kids with you!?!
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You could do family counseling maybe at a local church. Slow down your young😊
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On one hand don’t even ask him just have sex with him til you get pregnant… Lol ( Hey, I’m just throwing it out there… ) on the other hand don’t get pregnant if you’re gonna be doing it all by urself (bc you said he was already getting stressed out…) And last what makes you think you’re going to have a GIRL next time around. It’s only a 50/50 chance. What if you have another boy? Are you going to want to try again? And if so that will more likely lead to more problems… Get a dog or a hobby and save everybody the trouble.
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There’s no guarantee that you would have a girl with your next pregnancy.
& maybe he is an amazing parent because he knows he can do it for 1, but that is his limit.
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This is a touchy situation.
People can’t say “well you aren’t having anymore then” why are his feelings more important then yours? Your feelings are just as important.
You need to both sit down and have a serious talk.
Both of you could drift apart over this.
Because if you filed for divorce and you met someone you know you want more and can discuss it. What If he suddenly had a child with someone else after he said he didn’t want more? That would be a slap in the face to you.
Marriage counseling would be a good idea as well to help you both figure out what’s going on.
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Y’all are still so young. No need In rushing to get pregnant. Maybe he wants to wait a while. Mine are 8 years apart.
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Never for e a baby on a man
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O don’t need to ask permission to get pregnant is my body my choice and if he doesn’t like it too bad then he should of took his own precautions!!
Give him time, he may still feel over whelmed with the one you have. My daughters are 10 years apart
maybe he doesnt want 2 kids at only 24 yrs old. give him time.
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Who is in charge of birth control? If you, tell him its his turn. If he doesn’t want a baby then he should!
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I don’t know what kind of birth control you use, but they aren’t 100% foolproof. Most of the human beings on earth were not planned. If there’s a soul waiting to incarnate through you, it will find a way. If it doesn’t happen within the next year, are you going to give up and feel like the time has passed for you to have children? You are still young. I lost a baby too, a miscarriage. I know you long for a baby. Don’t make an ultimatum that you might regret. Maybe pray about it. OR get a counsleor to help to through this?
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If wanting a child of the opposite sex from the one you have is your only reason for wanting another child you should evaluate having another child it’s great to have and love more children but there is also the added financial burden try talking to him and figuring out his reasons and maybe reevaluate yours
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You both are young maybe back off and give him some time.
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You should respect his wishes and knock the baby begging off.
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You guys are only 23/24 years old!! Give it some time. There is no cut off for how far apart siblings should be. Is he the only one working or with a good career? Do you guys own a house? Are you in school? Maybe he wants to have a better situation than what you have before you have another baby.
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He became dad at the age of 20-21? Isn’t it obvious that he wasn’t ready and will take more time to be ready for the next one?
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You’re still young. My brother and I were 7 years apart and it worked well. I was a really good big sister and we fought a lot less then siblings that were closer in age. Give it a little more time. Bring the topic up in another couple years when your son is a little more independent and he might change his mind.
My kids are 6 1/2 years apart and it is so nice to have an older child with the baby. They love each other so much. That being said, it’s not fair of you to force him into something he doesn’t want… ESPECIALLY if your reason is because you really want a certain sex… That’s not a good reason to have a baby. If he’s a good dad to your son and a good husband that just doesn’t want anymore kids, then it would be pretty cold to tear your child’s world apart because you didn’t get your way with another child. Y’all are only 24… you need to talk it out and figure out why he doesn’t want a child, and you need to figure out a better reason for having another one than “I really want a girl”
In hindsight, I hope you realize you should have discussed this before you got married. Going forward, be patient as you are both still young or move on and marry someone else who wants more children. I know I sound bitchy and cold but people jump into relationships without taking the opportunity to really get to know that person first and then make a bad choice because they have already connected with them and generally on a sexual level. Been there and done that and am completely jaded.
Theres a time and place for everything and right now he wants no part of it and is telling you this is not the time (at least for him) I can’t say if he ever will be only he knows that but I can tell you not to force him into anything that he will regret and is not ready for chances are he’ll resent the child and yes you…
Why the cut off of 4 years? I didn’t want kids far apart in age but that’s not how life worked out for me. My kids are 13 years apart and they have the absolute best relationship! Plus it’s nice that my son was able to help out with his little sister…nice added bonus
Consider this. If he doesn’t want one, I wouldn’t do it. You are still young and there is still time for him to change his mind. Maybe lay off of it for a while. The bad thing about wanting something that your partner doesn’t is that if you do it anyway there could be resentment that leads to breakups or just him not helping with that child in general. Which would be bad for everyone involved. I also agree with counseling, if he is willing:blush:. I waited 10 years for my boy and he is very well worth the wait. Good luck to you girl, 
If he isn’t happily married, he could be looking at he doesn’t want to pay child support for two kids for the next 18 years. I’ve never met a 24 yr old male who was overly responsible. I know there are exceptions, but with his attitude, the last thing I would do is get pregnant.
You both are really young and maybe he has his reasons he’s not ready to have another kid with you. I wouldn’t push it. If you feel like that will either make or break your relationship than your relationship probably already has other issues in it. You guys were 19/20 when you got pregnant the first time and a lot changes as you get older so I wouldn’t hold him to what he said back then. Maybe his feelings for you have changed. I’d have a deeper talk about your relationship not just about a baby.
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You may not even get a girl could get a boy would you still want another to try and get a girl
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He may still be suffering from the loss of the child
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Well my husban and i wanted another boy we ended up with girls😅
You’re very young. Dont push this. He may change his mind with time.
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Why don’t you just ask him what his reason is for not wanting another one? Don’t beg someone who doesn’t want another kid to have one with you. It will only cause problems or resentment
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Also, letting something like this end your relationship is sort of childish. He’s saying not right now. YOU’RE assuming he means never again. Stop assuming that and just let it flow. You acting pushy about it literally could end your relationship. Worry about building a solid foundation with him first because you are both very young. Build happiness. Not stress.
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Age gaps aren’t that big of a deal i don’t think we have an almost 14 yr old 6.5 yr old and im pregnant with number 3 now none of them were planned in fact we spent more than a year trying gave up and i got pregnant like 8 months later
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Maybe he knows his limits and one child is all he can mentally do. Men wont just come out and say stuff. They beat around the bush. Or maybe his not now is just that now right now. Who knows with men. N they say we are the difficult ones
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If not push it hun… Maybe in a few years he may change his mind but men grow up slow than women and he probs felt he wasn’t ready for your son. I’d back off for a few years then bring it up again
Ur very young …I was too 2 amazing son’s 4 yrs apart , yet I became a single mom with a 8 n 4 year old “because we weren’t ready” n I won’t lie it was for the best and my boys are beautiful young men , oldest just became a dad …he waited for marriage , to his high school sweet heart at 27 n baby at 30 n I believe that is beautiful and I would say better than what I did… WAIT ENJOY YOUR LITTLE ONE AND YOUR HUSBAND … YOU’VE STARTED A FAMILY AND IT SOUNDS GOOD …BUT ENJOY YOUR TIME AND MAYBE LET NATURE DECIDE FOR YOU
For the love of god dont go behind his back and get pregnant because you want another child. Ask him again if he says no again wait…ya both young dont force him to become a father again since hes not ready now
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Girl the clock is not ticking you are very young! Enjoy some of your 20’s and take your time.
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Both of you are young why rush into having another child. Maybe he feels he’s to young to another child or he won’t be able to support the other one. Don’t force him inti it he could end up resenting you. May last 2 kids are 15 yrs apart & get along well.
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He doesn’t and you do so you stay and accept or leave
I didn’t have kids until I was 29 . You’ve got plenty of time to try in the future
My fiancé and I lost a baby two years ago doctors had told us we could try again immediately at this point he decided he didn’t want to because he was afraid we would suffer another loss. A year later we tried again and now we can’t get pregnant at all. We have tried everything and no luck. Talk to him men heal differently over a loss mine had acted the same exact way when I was pregnant which caused me stress. But when we lost our baby he hid to cry. He kept his feeling about it hid and like I said didn’t want to try in case we would lose the next.
My 3 three children are each 5yrs apart. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Blessed
If he’s not ready then don’t do it. You are not guaranteed to have a girl. Enjoy your son and respect your husbands wishes.
Why set a cut off date? It’s adding to your pressure, my sister is twelve years older than me and we have always been close. You have plenty of time for more children. If he really doesn’t want another baby right now, why have one and create resentment for you and possibly a child he doesn’t want at the moment. Plus if you’re only wanting to have a baby because you want a girl, there’s no guarantee that’s what you’d get. Sit down and have a real heart to heart about whether he’ll ever want more kids. He may not or he may just want more time, y’all are so young. I don’t know your financial or living situation but if it’s not completely secure maybe he wants it to be before adding more kids. If he just thinks he’ll never want more and that’s something you truly can’t live with, you may need to reevaluate where your heading in life. Do you love him enough to give up the idea of more kids? And doors he really love you but just not want more kids? Whatever the answers are I wouldn’t make hasty decisions overnight. Maybe see a counselor together.
Sooooo you get preg then its another boy or lets say twin boys, now your husband is resentful and wants to leave, now you have 2-3 kids. What you going to do??
Have you asked him why he doesn’t want any more ?
I got pregnant (on purpose) & delivered my last child at 40. I know many other women like me who chose to wait & had kids in their late 30s- early 40s. My oldest & youngest are 9 years apart. You have plenty of time. Look honestly at your finances, goals within your marriage. Take time to talk but more importantly listen to what he has to say.
Do not force the issue. All you are doing is make your husband recent it. Also do not get pregnant by accident just because you want one. You are making yourself crazy for a situation that is not healthy for you. Both of you are still very young, why do you feel you have to rush it. If you don’t get a girl are you going to go crazy again to have another right away. Get a job if you aren’t working that might help getting your mind off about having babies. Or go see a therapist.
The bigest mistake u could make is have a baby that has a father that does not want it. I know first hand how that feels. Please dont do that to a child
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