I feel like you’re both still very young to be making those kinds of decisions, my kids are 7.5 years apart and my oldest loves my youngest so much and he’s so helpful, he plays with him, laughs with him, feeds him, reads to him! Who gives a shit about the age gap, I’d do it this way again in a heart beat! Just live your lives spend as much time one on one with your son and enjoy every single minute of it, make him your world and you and your husband will both know when the time is right, don’t push him if he’s not ready, stop bugging him, get set up where you guys want to be in life and love what you have built together, you both are still young, don’t rush life, don’t push him and definitely don’t be that whiney wife that says I’ll leave you if you don’t knock me up!
Why can’t you just respect his decision? He has every right to not want another child just like you do to want another child. Maybe he will want one down the road. Maybe there are reasons as to why he only wants 1. Why would even want to try to force another child on someone who doesn’t want one? Nothing good can come from that. If you have a happy marriage and yet choose to leave for something like this that’s your decision, and I think it would be a stupid one. But that’s my opinion.
The husband might be afraid of losing another child
So its unfair to leave him because of something she wants that he doesn’t, but she should stay with him and be miserable and resent him because of it forever? No one said she was gonna force him to have another one but if that’s not what he wants and she really does then she will always resent him if she stayed. And she’s not “ruining the child’s life”
I wanted more children and my husband didn’t, so I respected that and didn’t. The marriage broke up anyway, for other reasons and now I wish I had as many as I wanted 
Always felt sad and resentful about it. You only have one life.
The decision is in your court. You can give him a year and if he still feels the same then you don’t stay with someone that doesn’t want the same things. Because you will just be miserable wanting more children that he will not give. Your young and can easily find someone who wants a large family that you want. Your not forcing him to have one and he can’t force you to give up your dream of more children.
I mean are you both working? If you’re a sahm maybe it’s a lot on him financially. Find someone else. Divorce isn’t cheap so. Good luck.
I understand. I have 3 girls. 2 from a previous relationship and 1 with my current. But i desperately want a baby boy. And my boyfriend is a little iffy about another baby.
You have many years ahead in which you can always most likely have another child…just work on enjoying your family in the present tense and just see what happens. In five years you might be surprised to find that you are very glad you decided to wait. In 5 years he might really want to have another. Just dont overthink this or over reaact. Take some time to see how either of you feel. You are in your early 20’s, for gods sake. Lol
Talk to him. Is it worth giving up your family for? Is it worth waiting? That’s up to you to decide but it’s also up to him to not want more kids. You should both respects each other and talk about it.
If your going to end your relationship over him not wanting more children right now then you never truly loved him … YOU CAN NOT force someone to do something they dont want to do … so you either deal with his choice or leave and have someone else give you another baby
Yall are still so young. I think more than 4 years between babies is to much " my personal opinion". My boys were 1yr.& 9 months apart & were best friends, they pretty much still are and they’re in their 30’s. Maybe husband will change his mind, you can’t do it without him unless you want a divorce. Talk to him. Don’t give up. Take advantage of him & accidently get pregnant.lol. For real talk to him. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, But you have to respect his wishes you can’t force him to have children, you can’t force him to want to.
I’m sorry about your loss, it sounds like your hubby really struggled with that, maybe he’s scared…
If the genders were reversed and it was a man trying to force another baby on a woman people would be pissed. You can’t force another person to have a baby just because you want one. This is where you learn to communicate and compromise. You need to have a not pushy conversation with him to find out his concerns. Are they financial? Are they emotional? Is he finding that one child is all he can handle right now? His concerns are just as valid as yours and his feelings need to be treated with equal respect.
Y’all are young and married. Unless one of you gets sterilized, your likely to have another sooner or later
I dont think its reasonable to leave your husband because he doesn’t want more children…its kinda messed up. Some people cant handle it and they can only handle so much at once. A 3 year old is a hard job and huge responsibility to maintain. Maybe he wants to wait till the child is old enough to somewhat take care of himself and then yall couod have another baby. A 3 year old and a new born is ALOT OF STRESS. And money and time. Not everybody wants what you want. And I think you should take into consideration that he may not be ready and the more you push him on it the more upset be will be and the more he may not want to have one. And take your child away from his father over selfish reasons is selfish and unfair to the family. Just give it time. It’s not the end of the world because you cant have another one when you want. Be patient. .with him. And yourself. Dont ruin gods most greatest blessing(family) over something petty. Compromise with him. His feelings are just as important as yours.
I had a very similar situation with my ex-husband we were high school sweethearts got married very young I was 20 he was 19 we had a daughter she’s three now we just recently divorced have been co-parenting now for over a year when we fell out of love with each other and realized that we didn’t want the same things anymore I wanted more kids he didn’t and in the end our love grew apart and we decided it was for the best if we divorce, I hope whatever your future holds for you it’s beautiful and makes you and your family happy. I’m currently engaged to a man I thought would be a dream and we are currently 4 months pregnant 
(I’m 26 now and never thought I’d be this happy with every decision I made even though at time I was scared and didn’t know if it was the right ones .they definitely were)
You guys are so young. You have years and years to have another child (most likely). Consider therapy if it’s bothering you that much. But 23 and 24? SO YOUNG. Take your time. I don’t know what your financial situation is, but most people that young aren’t very financially stable. That might have something to do with it.
Give it time dear, he may have logical reasons he doesn’t want to add right now. I know it’s tuff but it will happen . Like someone else said. Enjoy your family the way it is right now. When the time is right u will become pregnant again.
You can have all the kids you want but if you stay or leave he still has to be responsible for them financially so really think about the family as a whole before just yourself
You have so much time. He’s saying more than I don’t want another baby. Listen. Don’t add to whatever is holding him back. You might see more than four years difference was best. Listen to what’s not being said
You have plenty of time to have another kid, forget about the 4 years thing. You can’t make him change his mind but I can see how it would be upsetting to find out he changed his mind about more kids
I had my 2nd baby at 31, you have time.
Don’t put pressure on him you need to be patient with him,remember good thing’s come to those who wait respect his wishe’s as well good Luck
My husband went as far as getting a vasectomy after our second he was 25 years old. I wanted a third someday. I waited and three years later he got a reversal and now we have four. You never know what the future holds but you don’t want another child until both parents feel it’s right timing.
I would get him grief counseling. Sounds like the death of your baby put him in a tailspin & he can’t bear the thought of losing another child.
Men think they’re not supposed to get emotional & their job is to fix things. He is devastated but feels showing so would be “weak.” And a miscarriage is not something anyone can “fix.” Allow him to come to terms with his grief & process his fears of losing another child. Then he will be ready to try for another.
If he won’t admit why he is afraid, this is probably it, but also ask if he’s worried about the finances, responsibilities or fears of the child being born with disabilities. Children are notoriously expensive, especially putting them through college, and they are a lifelong responsibility, though you hope by 25 or so you will have tested them to be well functioning, independent adults.
He has a right to not want more children, even if if he had said before he did . He probably didn’t know then what he knows now . Stop wanting and enjoy the life and family you have if its ment yo be it will be meanwhile work on your relationship and create a better one every day for the kids you do have .
Just because you get pregnant does not mean you will have a daughter. You can’t push another child on someone if they don’t want it. You have to consider if you want a husband or another child, because I can see that it might be too stressful for your husband to have another one and if you get divorced are you ready to raise 2 kids on your own? What’s more important? 2 kids that may be both boys and you don’t have a girl or your family that you have now? I’m sure your son would rather be an only child with a mom and dad together than have a sibling with a broken home.
A big age gap isn’t bad, my 2 are 8 years apart and I love it. They still have a great bond aswell.
Careful pushing him, you may end up pushing him away also you aren’t guaranteed a girl, what happens if the next one is a boy?
23 and 24 years old is still pretty young.
Having two young children is a lot to take on. Financially. Emotionally. Time-wise. It’s a HUGE decsion one you both deserve to be heard and considered on.
That said: that goes BOTH ways.
Not just him hearing you out but you hearing him out.
So consider these questions:
- Why only 4 years apart? Why not more? It could make things SO MUCH easier to wait until your child is in school all day (i wish I’d waited until my oldest was).
- What is his REASONS for not wanting another child? Are they “valid”? His feelings are valid either way, but are they legitinate “that makes sense reasons” or are they thats just the way he feels reasons? If its the former, then maybe try to come up with a reasonable solution. My husband wants another and i don’t. Honestly im pretty sure it would literally kill me to have another. He hasn’t pushed me on it nor threatened to leave me because of it because it’s a VERY valid reason given everything that happened in my last 2 pregnancies. There’s no good solution here. Just acceptance and contentment in the family WE Do have
- Depending on your husbands reasoning…is adoption/fostering an option?
Now here’s one to consider for yourself to yourself:
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If the positions were reversed? If he was thinking about leaving you because he wanted something that INVOLVES both of you AND TWO innocent lives (your current child and a potential future child) and you didn’t? How would you feel about an ultimatum to force your hand?
Would you feel like hes being selfish? Or would you feel like its valid and reasonable?
Both parties need to be on the same page. When he is ready than he will be ready. I dont get this. You are still young. A greater difference in age means nothing.
Try talking to him. He may have never gotten over the loss of the miscarriage. Believe it or not it does affect the hubbies… and I really dont think the age gap should be an issue. My daughter is 8. And my son is 15 months. Huge difference.
That’s his right to not want any more. It’s his body. No means no.
Why would you end it over that? Your married and these types of decisions should be 100% mutual. If you try forcing him to do this he could easily end up resenting you and possibly even the new baby. It’s a big life decision and you guys are really young still, please don’t tear a happy family apart just because you want it to be bigger, that’s not fair for anyone involved.
forget the 4 year thing my husband said no at 0 at 1 at 2 and at 3 kids and they were all almost 3 years apart… hes young… youre young… just let it happen…
I think both of you are reacting to the loss but in different ways. Did you ask why he feels the way he does ?he may not be able to express why. Men are not always able to verbally explain. A counselor or third party might help. He,s not doing it to punish you. And you don’t want a child that is not wanted by both of you. You are young. My sis and I are 10 1/2 yrs apart and we are great friends.
Are you guys financially healthy? Is he the sole provider? Maybe the answers to those questions are the reason he doesn’t want another child RIGHT NOW. Maybe he is still grieving from the loss of the other pregnancy? Maybe he simply doesn’t want more children maybe after your first he realized one kid is enough for him. Just as it is not fair for a man to push a woman to carry his children it isn’t fair for you to force another child on him. Maybe he just isn’t ready at this moment maybe he wants them to be further apart than 4 years in all honesty cutting it off at 4 years when you both are very young is kind of ridiculous. Enjoy your son stop pressuring your husband to make it happen now one day he will be ready. Maybe have a conversation asking if he feels he will ever want another baby as well.
Definitely don’t rush him… this is my sister and me 20 years apart and I love her more than the stars!! She is my whole world and I prayed for a sister my whole life and God gave her to me when the time was right and I’m so thankful for every moment with her!