Looking for some advice. My partner and I have recently split after 5 years and two children together. Our youngest is just about 2 months old. We split because of his excessive partying and lack of respect on both ends. We have tried time and time again to ”work on things” to be better, but in the end, no one really puts in any effort. Finally we hit a breaking point and I moved out. It’s been a little over a week of the split. We would really like to work things out, for our children to not have to grow up in 2 households. What can we do? Has couples counseling worked for anyone? Unfortunately this last break up was extremely nasty, and family on both sides are not going to be happy with us getting back together. I’m not sure what to do from here, I just know I’m not ready to let go. Guess I’m just wondering if there is anyone else out there who ended things with their partner on a nasty note, and some how you were both able to turn it all around.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want to get back with my ex but our families won't like it: Advice?
Stay separated but seek individual and couple counseling together. Date each other again. Each person write out short term and long term goals for self, relationship, and family, share them.
Ive been with my husband for 6 years. My family to this day will not forgive him for the past. I’m very happy with him in another sense
Your adults, who cares what your families think. You do what you think is best for you and your children. They have no say over your life.
You could try couples counseling, that may work for you guys. If you both want it to work and both put in the effort you’ll be able to make it!
It’s only been a week. That’s not enough time for a person to really change. And it hasn’t, not in a week. If you two really care about each other the time apart won’t matter. May even be beneficial! Don’t rush into it. In the nicest way possible- you risk looking like a fool getting back together so quickly. Especially if it was a nasty break up.
You guys were together 5 years. It’s going to be hard to be apart because that’s what you’ve known. That’s what you miss.
One day at a time.
Idgaf what your family thinks BUT you think he’s gonna stop all that BS? Doesn’t sound like it. Good luck with that mess
The real question is does he want to fix it? Does he miss you and the kids? Has he shown any kind of emotion since you’ve been gone? If the answer is no I would suggest moving on. Sounds like he’s got a little more growing up to do. You also got to think of the kids. If they see their parents in a toxic relationship it’s not good for them to have to live like that. Sometimes things just can’t be fixed and even though we all start out thinking you can change someone the fact is it makes people hide stuff.
Hun you want your family together. You miss having him in the bed with you. Give yourself 6 months of being on your own then decide. A toxic household is not a good home for children. It causes a lot of issues trust me. If you know you’ve tried to work on things to be better numerous times I guarantee this next time going back isn’t going to make a difference. You need to think of your children in the end and two households may be better in the end. Also remember if both families think you’re toxic for each other they’re probably right. You don’t want to keep exposing those babies to unhealthy toxic home. Two households is better than one that’s not good.
Wait 3 months instead of a week.
Well first off if you’re arguing and fighting around those babies then no you don’t need to get back together. Those babies don’t deserve it.
Don’t stay together for the kids. It never works and it’s actually harder on the kids. Ask me how I know.
You’re relationship is the definition of insanity
You can grow up and leave each other alone regarding a relationship. You’re going to end up hurting your kids with all this back and forth. Let it go. Sounds toxic tbh
Sometimes it’s better for the parents to move on and be apart for the children than seeing you both fight and break up constantly that’s not a healthy environment for your children.
He’s called x for a reason…
Don’t get back together right now. Ask him to prove himself & co parent together. Don’t live together but do activities together. Work on yourselves before you work on the relationship.
Do u really think it’s wise to go back only a week apart? What has changed since then? If nothing other than the desire to be a family but no changed behavior then don’t move in just yet.
Start counseling for self and couples. Your family are involved Becuz you got them involved. They have some point not to be happy for getting back together just yet. Everyone is sick of the drama. They r worried and want a peaceful life and worry about u so they stress. But it’s not their decision. It would just be awful if I go back and a week later u call it quits again!
U have a 2 month old and it’s a lot of work. Also u should be enjoying this time with baby instead of fighting all the time.
Try going on dates and real problems solving… honestly if u guys can talk it out and stick to the plan then u don’t need a counselor.
Maybe it’s 1) hubby can’t go out by himself anymore. U have to come along too
2) he can’t drink anymore or he can only have 2 a week /a day what ever u decide and no more hard liquor
Or join AA
3) schedule date night
4) no cussing at eachother
You both make accountability lists. You get the point…. If he can’t stick to this then done even bother
Talk about this before getting back together. The dates should be getting to know eachother again.
Forget about the families. You and your children deserve better. Many times two households are better than one, specially when there is disrespect and trouble.
A week of “the split” girl that was just a fight. Lol y’all need to move on
Where you go from here is on with your life.
It sounds like you have a very toxic back and forth relationship. That’s not going to change. You’ve been split up for a week. That’s usually how long it takes for you to “miss” them and be “ready to work it out”. But you don’t miss them, you miss the routine. The habit. You’ll get back together and tell both families how much the other one of you has changed, in hopes that your families will once again “accept” your partner so that after 2 weeks of everything being perfect, and then you both get comfortable again and stop trying, go on unhappy, miserable and fighting for the next 6 months, then split up again and repeat, repeat, repeat.
Your children are going to be happier and healthier by having their parents in two separate households and separate healthy relationships as opposed to one household and a toxic relationship between their parents.
Sounds incredibly toxic. Do what’s best for your children and what’s in their best interest always.
You sound trauma-bonded… I would give the separation some more time and really focus on finding yourself during that time!
And you want to get back together with someone who treats you that way? Why???
It’s your and his relationship if you both work together in a healthy way you can move forward and regardless how your families feel it’s your decision to make with him for your family good luck
Don’t go back I done that with my X for 16 years and it only got worse .!!!
Try couples counseling maybe start slow date nights then go from there
“no one puts in any effort” so you mean both of you don’t really give a fuck.
It sucks having a split family but what is worse? Constantly leaving & coming back or leaving & focusing on yourself & the kids? Give yourself time & maybe in 6 months if things change between the both of you, then maybe reconnect but don’t go moving in together right away. Coming back, leaving, coming back again & leaving does so much more damage than just living separately & moving on.
That’s going to take a lot of hard work and both has to be up to the challenges. Best wishes and God be with you and your family.
How much do you think he had changed after a week ?
Let me tell you something, growing up on two stable/ happy houses are way better and healthier for kids than growing up in a broken home with a broken family fighting, yelling all the time .
You do not have to be enemies,if you both are really committed to be good parents try to co parent in a civil way , in the mind time you guys should spend the time apart try to work on your self’s independently , identify your errors, work on them and in the future when you have a better panorama you could see better if another try will be worth
It’s no one’s relationship except yours and his and your children play a big part, but do whatever it is you want to do. Don’t let others dictate your life. If you two want to actually work on your behaviors and how you speak to each other, that’s hope in itself that this could work. It’s only a lost cause when you don’t want to change.
Dont do it. Youre already out dont go back in. He wont change and you Will lose your familias support. Plus your children Will suffer with an irresponsible father
Take the time and go to counseling for yourself, have him do the same. Once y’all have done so for a time period, do counseling together. Whether romantically, or simply to heal and move on to coparent for the children.
You both need this time. Yalls families are 100% correct and justified for their feelings.
Stay apart, but get counseling. Worth the try with help!
Not a lot of detail,but you both might be immature and might not have a road map to having a good solid family. If one of you is still partying…that isn’t what a family is. And I guess it depends on what you consider partying. Drugs? lots of alcohol and other men or women? That is not what a family is. Do not continue in this marraige.
Run!! Run like the wind!!!
Try couples therapy. Keep family out of it. But if he’s not willing to grow up it’s a waste of time.
You need Jerry Springer! LOL
You both need individual and couple therapy to work it out
It can turn around but you said it’s only been a week. That’s not enough of a break from each other to pull your heads together. Separating isn’t a bad thing if you know you both still want to work it out. But thinking it’s going to happen after only a week and being so nasty to each isn’t going happen. Take a break. Counseling first. Keep the kids out of the line of fire.
Work it out out from a distance… stay by yourself for a bit and slowly work on things from septate households… do not give it a day less than 6 months apart until you try to go all in again…
Stay apart. The reasons you gave for getting back together suck. You mentioned for the kids and because you’re not ready to let go but didn’t mention love.
What ages are you both?
Trust your family. They want you to be happy.
Screw what the family says do what’s best for your family if it doesn’t work out at least you know that you’re trying and did your best
Stay separated. At least for 6 to 12 months. Watch action not words
You need more than a week to make changes. I suggest yall stay apart but during that separation work on co parenting, respecting each other and not partying. Show each other that you are changing and let your families see the change. If yall can’t do this then let each other go and move on to a co parent only relationship.
You’re not going to be ready to let go after a week. You left for a reason. There are MUCH worse things than your children growing up in two separate households. Is this the type of relationship you want to model for your children?
You are so emotional after a baby…it would be hard to go out on your own endless you have your family help you…I helped my daughter with 2 babies get through college…she is glad I was there for her…He still has all the same issues 18 years out…They are still friends for the kids but they don’t live together…He came back for 6 months but that was mostly because he needed a ride to work and a place to stay…Then told her he was getting married and left the next day…
Now he’s divorced from the wife …and always needs a place to stay…very stressful on the kids envolved
It ain’t going to work… It’s only hurting the children.
It’s only been a week ??? Nope !!! If he wants you back, HE MUST MAKE AN EFFORT. Do not !!! Listen: Do not go crawling back !!! It’s hard, but be strong. Yes, yes, yes, to counseling. If he wants you back, you will know. He will stop the inappropriate behavior.
I promise you if your relationship is already toxic your kids can feel that energy and they are better off living in 2 separate households. It’s incredibly selfish of you to continue to put your children in that situation. It builds resentment not only towards the other person but also towards your children. You need to do what best for them and continuing to run full speed at this brick wall isn’t what’s best for them. They deserve to have peace and to feel loved even if it is in two different households. You’re probably going to think I’m a jerk but this is advice I wish would have followed instead of staying and causing more harm to my child.
Relationships take a lot of work. You both have to be willing to give and take equally
Why are you trying to get different results with the same person.different households are better for kids with peace than same with turmoil. Yes, kids pick up on it all.
How many more chances do you think you’ll give him?
you don’t have to be together to successfully co-parent
YOU MIGHT REALLY LOVE HIM BUT SOMETIMES YOU PICK THE WRONG PERSON
Your relationship with your hubby sounds toxic and maybe he cares about you but this isnt love where you fight and dont try …being split up in the long run you will realize this…especially if it was nasty
And you may really want it to work but does he
If you both agree then try dating each other…communicating, saying how you feel…you should be able to talk about everything and anything…going for walks together
Just let the relationship die. The kids need to learn when to call it quits and when to fight. You tried fighting, now let the relationship die already. It is gasping for breath and you won’t put the poor thing down.
A week is NOT ENOUGH TIME
to see if you both have changed. No major changes have happened. If you get back already… it most likely will end…again.
Who cares what your families think!! It’s your marriage not theirs. Yes marriage counseling works if your both willing to put in the effort. Prayers
As long as there’s love, you have to keep trying. One day, when it’s gone, you’ll know it’s over.
Like trying to shove a turd BACK up your shoot
And remember who’s in the relationship
Follow your heart , if you can make it work go for it!
I’d say spend some more time apart and both of y’all work on each other before you try getting back together again.
My hubs and I had a nasty fight I packed everything and left I called my stepmother in the middle of the night she wanted me to not work things out well I went home after a week. He turned himself around we got pregnant moved he got better he stopped partying we had a second baby and this week we are celebrating 6 years. Therapy helped us a lot
I say work seperately just let it flow from separete homes and if it works out move in like a few months after but not right away
“No one” puts in effort… BOTH people have to put forth an effort, if not…there is no working on things.
A week may be enough to miss someone but not nearly enough for someone to change. I myself went through this leaving and always going back. It took about two weeks and everything went back to the way it was when we split. Don’t put yourself or the kids through that. There are other guys out there that want a mature relationship. Not a toxic boy one.
Just move on. Family plays a big role. If he’s deeply into his family n mom it’ll never work. Move on n eventually find a new partner
I have went thru a similar situation. My husband and I have been together 11 years give or take. Married for 5 years.
- Marriage counseling
- Quitting drinking
- Lots of personal development.
- Individual therapy
And we have made it so far. After a domestic dispute and adultry.
It was HARD But worth it in the end. IMO
We split for about a month or so.
Only difference is our family wasn’t really drug into it. They kinda wanted to see us stay together. They just knew we had some serious issues to work through and supported us along the way. It wouldn’t of mattered what my family thought tho. It’s what matters in your heart. And whatever you believe Gods plan for you is.
Listen, me and my now husband have been on and off for 3 1/2 years and we are married now and haven’t told any of our parents. I don’t like his family he don’t like mine my family don’t like him and his family doesn’t care for me either. We’ve learned to just not tell people our business and have also learned that it doesn’t matter what other people think or have to say as long as you two are happy.
Girl, trying to work thing out for the kids is only going to have you both miserable. That’s the most stupid reason for people to stay together or try to work things out. Your not compatible, move on with your lives and be happy apart. Learn to coparent so your kids can see that just because your not ment to be you can still get along.
A week is not long enough. You guys are just missing each other and someone in that position will do and say anything to get their old lives back… It’s better for your kids to have 2 households than to see the toxicity in their one home…And if you do decide to try some counseling, keep it between the 2 of you. The kids and the family don’t need to know… Try working on yourselves first, then counseling. Take things slow and start dating again while living apart. Maybe you 2 can build a new and better relationship instead of trying to fix your old one.
Counceling, the Love Dare, 5 love languages, Fireproof movie,
A week is not long enough both of you need to work on yourself kids don’t need to see all that nor do they want to. And your parents are probably right it’s toxic
In my experience couples that get nasty and see each other on and off over and over and involving family, do too much damage and they continue to cycle a very toxic relationship without growth. Definitely get counseling for yourself, gain some distance, then with therapy you can discover if you want to invite him to couples counseling or family counseling to repair and heal. If that’s possible then maybe you have the possibility of starting over and reconnecting as a couple.
Honestly you both have to want to get sober…from what it sounds like
Sounds like he got lonely.
It’s not their relationship
I would suggest more time apart. 1 week isn’t enough time
It sounds like you both need to work on yourselves before you get back together
Kids growing up in two households is better than growing up in a toxic one
Screw what the “family” will say. It’s not their life. If you want to be with him, be with him. This was my husband and I. We split for a week, ( this was about 9 years ago) and got back together and have been happy ever since. What people think don’t matter. If ypu guys want to be together you will find a solution and figure it out. Relationships now a days don’t work because people won’t put in the work.
I mean if you’re gonna do it nobody can stop you. Best advice I can give is put in the work first. You stated in the past neither of y’all put in the work. So why put your kids through going back, all the bs and then a nasty split and leaving again? Definitely put in the work first and see if y’all can go from there. I understand not wanting your kids to grow up in a “broken” home but you also don’t wanna put them through yalls toxicity either.
Hopefully I came out successful thanks to a good friend a good manager.i never thought I could make money online but it’s clearly not, it’s real contact the boss lady
Dont go back. God closes doors for a reason. Move forward
Try living separately and just dating for awhile.
A week your just feeling insecure due to a change no one likes changes but kids growing up in 2 households isnt a bad thing me and my kids dad didnt work as partners but as co parenting for our boys we all are getting along alot better and my boys are happy.
I would take time for yourself working out for yourself what you want in life you dont want to be in a unhappy relationship for your kids
My biggest mistake was trying to stay for my kids. I waited so much of my life with someone who was never going to change.
If you are considering working on things, I’d def do counseling and honestly don’t move back in together for awhile. See if things ACTUALLY CHANGE or if they only do for a bit and then right back to it
More time apart, wait for him to put you and the kids as a priority. Maybe you’ll realize what you feel right now is only temporary.
It’s called addiction,alcohol,. You need to be second fiddle. Listen. Get counseling alone, together. You’re. Already alone
If neither of you can commit to putting in effort, let go. The kids would rather have 2 households than a toxic one
People don’t change over night, that is all.
Don’t go back. You left for a reason. I understand wanting a “normal” household for your kids but staying in an unhealthy relationship will not create that, it will do the opposite. Right now you’re just grieving the relationship which is completely normal, no matter how toxic it was. Your kids will be fine and in time you’ll find a healthy relationship and wonder why in the world you ever wanted to go back. Be patient with yourself but do not go back.
Stay single and work on yourself for 6 months. Ask this again in 6 months. It’s too soon.
You’ve broken up multiple times, that shit is toxic. Leave the kids out of it, they’ll be happier with happy parents.
You can’t go back just for the kids it never works out and you end up hating one another