I want to get back together with my oldest son’s father. Neither one of us has custody of our son, but he lives with a great foster family, and he knows them as mom and dad. I have a second son on the way and is due in June by another guy, but he was never around at home or anything because he didn’t like being home, and he was always “busy.” My oldest son’s father and I have been talking for a few weeks, and we both want to get back together, but every time we tried in the past, it never worked out. I’m scared to see where this leads because I’m scared of getting hurt or left for another girl again. I need advice on what to do.
You answered your own question, it never worked out and It’s most likely not gonna work out this time either.
If you have tried to get back with this person several other times. (As you have stated in your own question) then I suggest the answer being you dont get back with him again to only be lead on and hurt. Seriously save yourself the hurt and find someone whom actually cares about you and your baby coming into the world.
Not even getting into this. Grow up get your kid out of the system then worry about your sexual life
I think you just need to do you. Take care of you and your kid. Dont worry about him.
It’s hard for anyone to say since we don’t know all the details of your past relationship with him. It sounds a bit like things weren’t good between you guys so it may be best to move on in that case.
Do not continue this cycle. I did for 7 years. I finally left. I’ve been in a happy healthy relationship for the last almost 3 years.
make sure you put that 2nd kid up for adoption, maybe see if your oldests sons parents want him. oh and get your uterus taken out after you give birth this time.
Just focus on your new baby. If it didn’t work out then it won’t work out now.
Why dont you just focus on getting your son out of foster care? Da fuck is wrong with you?
Instead of focusing on any man, try focusing on your children. Priorities. If it was me I would be doing anything I could to get my son back. Not sit here and be focused on finding a man.
Let’s see here , you want your sons dad back but not your son . What kinda of shit is that
Why not try to get your kid back. That should be more of a Priority
Yikes. I’d worry about having a relationship with my son before trying to be with someone you already know isn’t going to work. You’re pregnant again. Take care of you and that baby… and not a man that clearly didn’t help you take care of the child you two had together.
Take care of you & your child. Leave the men alone til you are stable enough…
Sounds like you need to be more worried about your kids instead of a damn man.
Put your kid first… No man (or anyone for that matter) should come before them…
I would say focus on your child coming. Not men
Please leave your oldest child with the family that loves him and give up any parental rights if that family wants to adopt him.
Focus on your poor child in the system! Are you kidding me?? A man is your first priority? Your a pathetic excuse for a “mom” you dont deserve the title
Figure out what didn’t work and make a plan to not do it to each other again. Maybe a lil couples therapy. Only you know though. If he’s toxic then RUN if y’all are willing to work on it together with love and total acceptance give it a shot. Be in it though 100/100 none of the 50/50 crap
Work on getting your son back before you think about a man…
Looks like your trying to find someone to save you from yourself. Only you can do that. Love yourself sis
Worry about getting your kid back. Sounds like you know the answer to this question. You need to worry about you and your unborn child. Not him sounds like you worried about him enough.
Just don’t do it.
Been there done that.!!
Focus on your kids. Do what you need to do. Being a mom should be number one and once you get the hang of it then you can start thinking about men but only after your children.
Maybe focus on your poor kid in care rather then the next dick that’s easily convenient for you !!!???
God I’m glad he has a loving family !
Sort it out
Lmfao . You need to learn how to be able to be by your self then cuz Damn this sounds to be a lot of drama .
Wow. Just wow at the whole post. I guess if neither of you can manage to get it together enough to get your shared child out of foster care then, who knows, maybe y’all are perfect for each other.
You need to stop focusing on men and focus on the kid you’re pregnant with.
Ugh. Try and get your kid back! You know how many parents are fighting for custody of their children right now? You have a child in the system, and one on the way! I’m sorry, but this pisses me off. Get your priorities straightened out, mom.
Fuck him . It didn’t work out. NOW WORRY BOUT YOUR KID IN THE SYSTEM . Got a whole baby on the way & your first born is in the system smh.
I’d say no. Solid no. It didn’t work for a reason
Wow rude ass comments. Just wow and we wonder why there’s so many people who who commit suicide. She was not asking to be criticized.
Baby girl don’t get back with someone you have already tried it with more then 2 times(I believe everyone deserves a second chance)
You need to focus on you n your babies!
You left for a reason. Dont go backwards.
I think it’s a mistake and you’ll possibly lose this kid too. Not worth it
Maybe you should be concerned about getting back together with your kid and not men
Love yourself. Put one foot in front of the other. Be independent. Be with no man. Get it together
How do I say this without being rude…your number one thing should be getting your stuff together and getting your first son back before ever getting pregnant again. That relationship with the first sons father will not work because you clearly are not grown up enough for a mature relationship yet. Please go get therapy and use birth control until you get your life together. Why would anyone bring a second child into this world when you cannot provide and care for the first one. I’m not trying to be mean I’m a mother of 4 couldn’t live without any of my children by my side
Get ur kid not his dad🙄
It’s easy to fall back into old patterns.
If you left for a reason then don’t forget those reasons. People are capable of change but I feel like while you’re pregnant probably isn’t the best time to sort through that type of thing. You’re hormonal and emotional… id say focus on your little one, get your son back and slowly build a FRIENDSHIP with the ex. If you’re dead set on figuring out if it’s worth going back to him you need to go slow girl. Don’t put yourself through too much while you’re carrying. You don’t need the stress
think you are answering your own questions!
No! First stop worrying about your first sons father and worry about getting your child back. That should be your first priority and concern not a relationship with some dude that it obviously doesn’t work out with.
I’m confused. I’m not trying to be judgmental. And I don’t know everything, but why is there no focus on you getting your son out of foster care? Screw the guys (not literally) and focus on your children.
If youre going to do that you need counseling. From day one. If you both want it to work you need to put in the work. Adding a baby to the mix is disastrous. It sounds like you need individual and together guidance if youre going to have a real shot at it
If you’ve tried multiple times in the past and it never works out there is a reason. Quit going back to what is familiar and doesn’t work and move on to new possibilities that may.
Im sorry you are a whole mess. You shouldnt even be pregnant if you dont have your first child. Your also pregnant by another man now??? Get your shit together and leave him alone. What are you doing smfh
at this point who cares about the father I would care about your son way more why get back with men when you can’t even have your own child.
He is an ex for a reason.
Put your kids first. Make sure you’re bringing this second child into a safe environment. I wouldn’t worry about finding a boyfriend at this time.
Getting bac wit ur ex is like trying to shove shit bac in ur ass
Is this a serious question? Focus on your kids, you keep having them, not a man. Love yourself
Um your son is in foster care. STOP THINKING ABOUT BOYFRIENDS RIGHT NOW. Get your life together and get your son out of foster care. Then worry about relationships. Wtf.
You need professional help, not another half arsed relationship.
Are you kidding?! Smarten up and get your shit together!! You already have one child in foster care and chose to have another child with another loser. You need to sort out your life and forget about men for awhile and worry about your kids instead of who you’re going to sleep with !! Seriously!
You want to try to get back with an ex that sounds like needs to stay in the ex department. You need to think to yourself why don’t u have your son or why isn’t he with his father .will you be able to support and take care of the child your pregnant with are will he or she end up also in foster care . Also you say your oldest is in foster care and calls them mom and dad how long has he been there ,do you not visit u should be trying to get your life in order to be a better parent for both children the oldest you don’t have and the one your pregnant with.they should and always be your first priority not some man.
Isn’t getting your child back more important and besides wanting to get back with your ex be like digging up a pet that’s died and keeping it.
This is a joke right?
Go to therapy and get yourself together first. Then work on getting your child back. Then figure out how to be with someone.
You aren’t tired of the rollercoaster?.I say no because I wouldn’t but it is your life.
A man should be the very last thing on your mind
You’re talking about being afraid of getting hurt or your ex leaving you again for another woman🤦🏾♀️
Your priorities are all messed up
You’re afraid of getting hurt but imagine how your child in foster care feels, that’s who you need to be concerned about getting back with
Really consider refraining from continuing to get pregnant by these different men because you’re only going to make it hard for yourself & even harder for your children
Oh girl…just no. You need to start putting your children ahead of your vagina. Get your life together and stop going back to men you know it wont work with. Once you have some self respect and pride you won’t even be tempted by losers.
I always wanna ask, WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER!!??
I always go to my mother for advice!
But the advice I WOULD WANT, I think, is to move forward and not back!!! Do not back step into something that already failed.
If you have to ask a group of strangers what you should do then you already know the answer…when something is right you don’t have to ask for advice.
Get your son back ! Concentrate on you and your children. Stop the madness
How old are you, your ex and your children?
Get on BC after your kid is born!
Put the child first & concentrate on that only!
Focus on your child & yourself…stop worrying about stupid shit
Sounds like your trying to have someone to take care of you. Take this opportunity to get a grant to live on and go to school and get training and take care of yourself. There is foodstamps, section 8. Be independant its healthy or learn ways to be.
Um you don’t have custody of your first child and neither does his “father” aka sperm donor and you seem perfectly fine with not having him and him being in “a good foster home”, you are pregnant again by someone not in your life, and you’re only concern is should you get back with baby sperm donor #1? How about going to a psychiatrist to see why you are seemingly fine with birthing children by random guys and then giving them away? That’s something you might want to address. While you’re at it, talk to them about the ramifications of giving up said child and probably giving up the one you’re knocked up with now. Women like you irritate the hell out of me. Quit breeding since you obviously aren’t equipped enough to have common sense.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior
Girl, be alone for awhile. This whole situation needs a vacation.
If it didn’t work in the past it will never work…
Focus on getting your son back first
Worry about getting your son back first. That should be your one and only top priority besides your unborn child. Imagine how your son feels knowing that men come before he does and that a baby his own sibling gets to see you and he doesn’t. Stop thinking about yourself first and think about your kids. Before you get that baby taken away next. After the baby is born consider birth control or getting fixed. If you can’t grow up and take care of your kids you sure as hell don’t need more.
Worry about your kids, please.
Maybe worry about your kids and why you’re in these situations before you worry about a Male it didn’t work out with previously. Your priorities need serious reevaluation. Less thoughts about a man and more about your kids
No leave him alone it won’t work concentrate on getting your son home into your care full time forget men
Sorry, the first thing you need to do is grow the hell up!
Get yourself together first ! That should be a priority , so you can get your son back and be a good mom to the one you have and one on the way .
Go to counseling and stop getting into relationships for awhile 🤷 seriously it worked wonders for me. That baby needs you.
I don’t want to sound cruel. It just seems like you’re focused on the wrong thing.
I think you should focus on getting your shit together first… like come tf on. Neither of you were responsible enough to keep your kid and you think you should get back together?
Leave your past in the past, start over with yourself and your new son, there is a reason he’s an ex
BE A MOM FIRST!!! forget a man worry about your kids! Prove you can provide for both kids. Be independent! Both guys sound like losers. you can always fo better hunny!
Leave it alone and move on.
Sounds like your son has been in foster care for quite some time since he calls them mom and dad! Id defiantly not get back with your ex and focus on being in your child’s life. If you have family try to get on your feet and be the best mom you can be to this new baby. Your children are completely innocent children looking to be loved and taken care of by “you”. You don’t have to be with anyone!! If I were you id start going to counseling for whatever problems you have. Get the help you need for yourself and for your kids. Its not fair to them if you keep this up. And trust me I know because I lost all 3 of mine. Its been 7 years I am involved but every single day I regret my behavior and losing them! Don’t do that. You can make better choices don’t live and learn just please listen and do what’s best for all of you.
Focus on being stable and don’t get back with your son’s father. It is obvious that the relationship was a dysfunctional one and y’all getting back together is more of a codependent situation. Find new hobbies and discover bright areas of your life. I wish you the best of luck
Yall are so fucking judgmental lmao you dont know anything about why she lost her child …you have no idea if shes trying to get the son back…you have no idea wtf is going on in her life other then what she posted… climb down off those High horses and be a little decent!
Do you want him or your son? You didn’t say if the relationship drama caused the loss of your son, but if it has, absolutely not. Your only goal should be getting your life together to bring your son home. He needs his mother. Forget everything else.
What will be different this time?
No judgment, god knows none of us are perfect nor make all the right choices in life; However respectfully, you really need to focus on becoming self sufficient for you and your children. Partners are great; but, they come and go. You’re priority should be preparing for your new bundle of joy.
Don’t go back move forward if it didn’t work out then it will only be worst now stay alone just to give urself time. and focus on ur kids. Don’t go back.
For one, if you can’t take care of your first child, why go get pregnant again?
You’re on a whole another level of stupid.
And secondly, trying to make it work with him is like trying to shove shit back in your ass. It won’t work
I think you should worry more about your kids then men.
Put bluntly and simple.
1: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
2: Children is priority #1
3: NO MORE MEN/BABIES TIL YOU GROW UP!
In other words, focus on you and those lil ones. Fantasy land is over.
Leave the PAST in the past ::: /Respect Yourself ::: the Trust is not there ::: no Trust ::nothing to build on ::: Don’t do it ::: Don’t go back to yesteryear ::: Pray for your future and what to do to make it good again ::Don’t lose hope . Good Luck .
Leopards never change their spots
Dont do it, let it go everything must change people places and things…
From the sound of your post it seems like you both may want to try to raise the baby and have the chance you both lost. As someone who has been there I wouldn’t recommend it. I also realize raising children on your own is a scary thought as well. No one wants to be alone. Only you can decide but take this into consideration before you make a decision… why did it not work out the first time… remember the bad times… emotions always get the best of us…