As a adult who didn’t know I had a different dad to who my mum married till I was 10 I’m now a adult I met and spoke to my dad at 22 my advice just msg your child she’s 18
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Message the adoptive parents first and see what they say… she might not even know about you…Yes this is an exciting time however put yourself in her shoes she’s lived her whole life thinking one thing… she might know and not want to meet you because you left … .
You’ll never know unless you try … remember how come you chose this family and adoption…
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Definitely adoptive mother first. Have respect for her, she’s looked after your child all these years and sent photos when you asked even now she’s helped you.
You don’t know if the child knows she’s adopted and might be angry at her adoptive parents if she finds out through you.
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If she’s over 18, I’d reach out to the daughter…
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As an adopted child, no. This may sound harsh but you have no right to disrupt her life. If she wants to contact you let that be her decision.
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I would definitely reach out to the mother first for various reasons. It’s respectful, she raised her and she IS hers and she would probably also be able to know better what the daughter would want to happen, she may not react well to you depending on what they’ve told her. She may not even know she’s adopted and if she does she may not want to meet her birth parents, as hard as that may be for you, it’s a possibility. This is a crucial time in her life and there’s going to be enough transitioning as she becomes an adult, you may just upset her and make things more difficult. Be patient. Stalking their social medias probably isn’t good for you either, it will just make things more difficult if the answer is no. If the answer is no you should also respect it, whatever the reason you gave her up for them to raise, she’s their daughter and not really yours anymore. Biology isn’t the only thing that makes you a parent. I mean that with no ill intent but people do need to realize that. I think I would let her reach out on her own when she’s ready, but I haven’t been where you are so I can’t say for sure what I would do except definitely talk to her mom first.
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Her mother tried to be nice and send a nice picture, not have you turn into a detective and stalk them. You are supposed to wait until the child actually wants to reach out to you. And im sorry but this is coming from someone who placed a child for adoption, you sound like you let 18 years of all the hard stuff go by and now that 18 years has gone by you want to have a relationship since you didn’t have to do any of the raising.
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I’m an adopted child and tbh you should let the child reach out on their own
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It’s curtesy to go through her adoptive mum asking for permission. It is her call since she painstakingly brought up your daughter thru all the rough patches n sleepless nites
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I would not intrude unless invited.
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Contact her mother first she may not even know shes adopted . Sorry to say but you have no right to jump into her life it is a decision she alone should make . I cant imagine how hard it is but when you placed her for adoption you thought about her needs first continue to do so until she reaches out to you .
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I would go through the mom. Perhaps put it to the mom as you are interested in meeting or making contact with your daughter and leave your contact information with the mom. If your daughter is interested and willing, she will reach out.
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Contact the mother first. Find out a little bit about your birth child from her. She may not know or she may have expressed she doesn’t want to know you. Give the information for the mother to pass along. If she wants to pursue it she will contact you. Also, I’m positive the mother knew that info was on the picture. She doesn’t sound malicious.
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Ive been waiting 27 years for mine adopted daughter to come find me. I live on the same street as when I gave her up. I keep all my contacts info recent on the adoption websites and databases.
I would never reach out to her. When and if shes ready, Ill be here.
In my heart, I cant blow up her life, just because my heart desperately needs her…
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Out of respect for your daughter you should ask her mother what she wants and go from there. If the answer is no than leave her alone and don’t stalk their social media accounts.
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I never knew my father. My mom kept him from me and kept his information a secret until she found out she was dying from cancer. I tried to find him only to find out he had passed away about 2 years before I received his information. I would have loved to have known my father…Reach out to her
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want to reach out to the child I gave up for adoption: Should I contact her adoptive mom first?
Shes 18 now , you found her , reach out. Your literally seconds away from her vibe .
Good luck 
Definitely contact mum first x
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Maybe first try and find out if she knows she was adopted. You don’t want to upset her whole life I she doesn’t know and then maybe take it slowly from there
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As someone who is looking into adoption after having fertility issues if I was the adoptive mum I would definitely appreciate being contacted first in case this affects your daughter too much. Also she will know if she’s in a good place to be able to handle this too xx
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Wow deffo following this I have a similar story but with duster who turns 15 in August… Iv sent 2 letters just praying for a reply xxx so happy you found her good luck xx
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Definitely contact the mother first and take it slow. You’ve been searching and ready for this for a while they havnt. X
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Definitely contact the mother 1st out of respect for everyone. You may be her birth mother but have no rights and don’t want to go in full steam ahead. As others have said she may not know she was adopted and you could turn her whole life upside down which isn’t fair on her or anyone and something they don’t deserve and she may end up resenting you. With 2 babies of my own I can only imagine how hard it was for you to give your baby up and how much you want to see her. But she has been 18 years without you in her life so it’s not about what you want, you still to put her 1st and try not to let your heart rule your head.
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Then you will need to go though the agency
In my personal experience, my adopted sons dad contacted me first when he felt my ‘son’ was in a good place in his life to take on all this new information. He was brought up knowing he was adopted and same there was initially letter box contact which was wonderful. It appeared the parents relationship broke down around the same time this stopped and for years I never heard a thing. But once he hit an age I guess when his dad (who was solely bringing him up) felt he was ready, he contacted me directly via Facebook and we took it from there. I would definitely suggest going through the mum/dad first to establish whether or not this new situation would be a welcome in the child’s life as it is now or if maybe waiting for a more suitable time would be better. Teen years are tender, there is a lot of change, and a lot of new pressures like leaving school, starting work, becoming young independent adults. I would not have wanted to be the person to have hindered that progress, so as to my reason for waiting, I personally would’ve waited till 21 if I had not have heard from them beforehand
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Definitely talk to her mother first, she might not know she is adopted. If I was the adoptive mother I would want to be contacted first.
What would you want if you were her?
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I am adopted and from an adoptee point of view, if I was suddenly contacted by my birth mother on any social media platform, it would turn my world upside down. I am much older than 18 but at the age of 18 she is discovering herself, she will come to you when she is ready believe me, one day whether that is sooner or later she will want to know where and who she came from. But for now leave her to live her life. If you contact her now, you may not get the response you are hoping for and her world will be upside down and you will be devastated. By all means reach out to her adoptive mother but also bear in mind it is also hurtful for her, she may feel that her daughters birth mother has cone to take her back although not your intention she will still see you as a threat. I wish you luck and please make the right choices by others and not yourself.
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Leave her the fuck alone. Such a selfish person you are. You are NOT her mother.
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Definitely ask the mother. She sounds like she’s cooperative. Regardless of anything, it’s at least important for her to know her biological family’s medical history. I disagree personally with never telling a person they’re adopted because you’re putting them in a a position where they could really be let down some day. Also, if anything medical does come up or she wants to have her own children, medical history is really important to help with diagnosis if there is a problem. My partner is not my little ones biological father and we’ve agreed (once she’s old enough to understand) that we’ll definitely tell her, but it will be her choice. You have to be prepared for that girl to also decide it’s not in her best interests to know you personally. This is not an easy circumstance to be in so good luck and I hope it goes the way you want it to. 
She is kind of in a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. A person should know the truth. If the child was not informed by the adoptive parents of the fact that she was adopted, this may certainly be crushing. But what if the child was told and the child always wondered in the back of her head why her mom gave her up? Maybe the child has a ton of emotional baggage and questions that can only by answered by the bio mom. I think that adoptive mom would be able to facilitate a calm meeting and out of respect for all that she has done to raise the child, I would include her in the fact that you want to reunite. However if adoptive mom objects, I would still pursue. The child has the right to have have the correct information and should have the opportunity to decide if she wants a relationship with you or not. Bess of luck for a happy outcome.
You need to contact her adoptive parents first. I was adopted. You don’t know if your daughter knows she was adopted or not. 18 isn’t actually when you’re emotionally stable enough for that kinda thing anyway. I found mine when I was 18, contacted my grandma asking for my birth moms information, which I’m glad I did, she passed shortly after and she always wanted to hear from me. Anyway, found my birth mom, she’s a pos and I wasnt emotionally ready for that either. So definitely contact her mom first, and start off by thanking her for raising your daughter, and ask about her, how she’s doing, if she knows, etc. Like, this is a big ordeal here, for them…
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My mom was adopted. Her bio siblings found her as an adult and reached out. She knew she was adopted though. She was grateful.
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Reach out to the mum first…
Why would you want to reach out You Gave Her Up. REMEMBER
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Contact the child she is 18 and can choose for herself
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I would contact her mom and ask her if it wise to contact her daughter at this time. She might not be ready to meet you. 18 is still very young. She’s at that time in her life where she’s figuring out who she is and what she wants. I would send the mom a letter. If contact is okay, then send a letter to the daughter. A letter will allow her space and grace to process everything. Let her know it’s her choice to reach out back to you. Be patient. I met my biological parent when I was 25. It was very overwhelming.
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I was adopted and I’ve always know that. I just found my birth family last year.which I was 27. My birtdad is a pos and I wish I’d never spoke to him. Same
Goes for my older brother. My little sister is awesome and so Is my aunt and grandmother. Unfortunately my birth mom died in 08. She had been looking for me…I really wish I had had the chance to meet her…
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I would contact the mother first. She seems like she’s cooperated for the most part, and for all you know, their daughter may not be interested in meeting you. You reaching out to the daughter first could get you blocked from their life real fast if she’s not interested.
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Now days with all these heritage dna test out there I’m surprised people keep dna secrets still. Yes the daughter deserves to know the truth if she doesn’t, but definitely go through her mother first. I think it would be better heard from her mom that her bio mom would like to contact her than some stranger just directly messaging her.
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Reach out to her mother first.
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Well the first thing id do is stop calling her “adopted mom” shes her MOM. Shes raised and cared and loved the child you gave birth too. And she seems like a nice woman to write you and send you pictures whenever you asked. She deserves enough respect that you acknowledge that shes the MOTHER. 18 or not you do not know what they have told her and you should respect their decision to tell her or not too. Also i think digging and finding out what school and their names and social medias was taking it to far. I mean if you go to her mother first and ask.
You just may find out that her daughter knows about you too. And all will work out for all parties. But if you go through her daughter and she dont want to meet/see you than you have breeched their trust by finding her online yourself. Go through her mother. They have shown you respect by sending you pictures even tho they didnt have too. Now show them some and dont approach their child(young adult) without talking to them first
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Be respectful and try mom first Even though she is of age. She was kind enough to update you to current time.
Message her mom… I would not contact her unless the mom says it’s ok.
What if this girl has no clue she’s adopted and by you messaging her you destroy her life… What if she does know and by you messaging her you screw her life up… throw it off track… I’m sure by you messaging her could be traumatic… idk. I’ve never been in this situation. But it sounds like you have no right to message her unless mom gives you permission… yes she’s 18… but in my eyes… 18 is still too young. Maybe wait until she’s 21?
Do you know if your birth daughter knows she was adopted??
Sounds like her adoptive mother sounds like she’s a nice lady. Message her first.
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You need to ask the mother. Dont take matters into your own hands.
You should speak to the adoptive mother first… after all, your birth daughter may not even know she was adopted… best to speak to the adoptive mother and see what she thinks.
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She is a legal adult. The adoptive parents have no say whether you contact her or not. Your daughter can make her own decision whether to pursue a relationship with you. My birthmom reached out to me when I was 18. If she would have gone through my “parents”, they would have hidden it from me.
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You should 100 percent be kind and message the mother. You may be her birth mother but you made the decision to give her up and that woman raised her as her own. Not to mention did you ever think about the effect it would have on the child who just graduated high school and is about to start her grown life? You should 100 percent address it with her mom. Timing is everything.
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At the age of 18 you both have the right to reach out- she’ll let you know if she doesn’t want contact. What do you have to lose ?
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Reach out to her mother
Adoptive mother first…
Shes 18 now. I would contact her ( daughter) directly…
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Out of respect, you should reach out to the parents. You don’t know what they’ve told her. They’ve been nice enough to update you when you’ve asked. I would show the same respect and consideration. Yes, she’s of age now legally but since she was born, they’ve been her parents and if they haven’t yet told her, it’s not your place to do so.
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At 18 kids are still studying and may not b in the right space to take on her early beginnings.
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Ask the adoptive parents first because your birth daughter may not even know that she’s adopted. If she doesn’t know…that means that she believes that her adopted parents are her birth parents. It also means that she hasn’t been taught/raised how to deal with this type of situation. You could ruin her life in some manner. You don’t know how she’d actually react because you don’t know her. Just because she’s 18 doesn’t mean she’s a grown adult who’s mentally & emotionally stable to handle anything. What 18 year old kids knows how to handle all types of situations correctly? Just think about the negative impact you could have on your birth daughter’s life is you choose to contact her without contacting her adoptive parents first to see if they’ve told her and to see if it’s okay if you contact your birth daughter. Don’t let these people convince you to contact her without consulting with her adoptive parents first…these people don’t know your birth daughter nor how she’d actually react…all they’re going off of is that she’s 18 or their experiences (everybody isn’t the same)
which don’t mean nothing as far as HER being able to mentally & emotionally correctly handle you contacting her if she knows nothing about you.
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Contact mother first
From experience, I’m very lucky to have an extremely open adoption (kids are still young) regardless of age, you gotta follow the adoptive parents lead. So you should really message the parents first and go from there, the 18 year old may not even know they were adopted or if they do. They may not want / not ready for contact from you.
If I were you, instead of reaching out through social media and possibly risk the family cutting you off, email the same person from the adoption agency and ask them to email the family asking if they will give you their email address and start by emailing them personally yourself.
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As someone who gave up a child for adoption (the child is 16 now) contact the adoptive mother. I got pictures and what not. The child and I do contact each other but respectfully at the hands of the adoptive mother. My child knows about the adoption and knows me as well. I’m fact I ran into both mom and child at the hospital few weeks ago under certain circumstances and it was emotional but I knew my child was ok and happy all along.
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Start with the adopted Mom. Don’t twirl the girl’s world.
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As an adopted child myself, I would definitely contact the adoptive mum first. Its a respect thing. Please understand that while you are the biological mother, this woman provided a life for your child that you were unable to give at the time. I have a great relationship with my biological mother, and my siblings. But my adoptive mother is my “Mum” and will always be my “Mum”. She shaped me into who I am today, I’m extremely grateful for the life I’ve had. And extremely grateful that my biological mother gifted me this life. Without her heart breaking choice to give me up, I wouldn’t have what I have now. As a mother myself now too, I see that you truly would do, give anything to ensure that your child is safe, loved and secure. Both women gave that to me, I’m truly blessed. I wish you the best of luck 
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definitely talk to the parents first. maybe she doesn’t know or has something going on that might mess with her mental. so many things can happen. if you get no response then try your daughter
Definitely contact her mother first, so she can actually ask her daughter if she would like to meet you or not, that way, it’s on the daughters terms from the beginning.
She has been her mother for 18 years. As respect to a mother i would message her first and make her aware of your intentions. Not asking her permission just saying this is what i plan to do and I respect and appreciate the care you gave her enough to notify you first. However you need to make it clear to all parties you cannot and will not replace her mother. Make this clear to yourself as well.
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Message the mother. Just think about if the tables were turned.
She is still a kid, though not legally. This is a tough situation to process. The adoptive mother might not want you to contact her for personal reasons. I would befriend her and tell her when the time is right or wait it out a bit. Just be very careful not to harm your bio daughter, especially since you don’t know her and vice versa.
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I’m adopted and was never told by my adopted parents I found out when I went for a new passport at the age of 31 I have two children and I have to say it crushed me when I found out I would tred very carefully and use a agency you could contact social work that’s who I went through to find my birth family my dad passed away I made contact with my big sister but there not interested they don’t want to know
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She is an adult. U no longer need to go thru adoptive parents. Reach out. Your heart is telling you what to do. Just listen.
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contact the mother first. Even though she is 18, you want her to have the support of her adoptive mother when recieving any information or attempts to visit first. There are so many emotions involved in this process on both sides that its too much for a young adult to handle.
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I would contact Geri from #AMERICASTAKEN
I would definitely find your daughter!!!
I would do an ancestry kit and have your dna out there in case she has done one and is looking for you!!! Good luck!! Family of origin is the most important
She’s an adult, I wouldn’t contact the adopted parents it’s not any of there business
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Contact the adoptive mother and tell her it’s time you connect the dots for your daughter. So she knows where she’s come from too me and my middle sister both found our dads on our own her at 15 me at 28 yrs old.
Even she’s mad at you wich she shouldn’t be you gave her a great life I’m sure! But do connect with her if the foster mother allows it.
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You should go through the parents first.
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I finally found my birth family last summer at 28 years old. I knew I was adopted and wanted desperately to meet them, but had zero leads until 23&Me connected us.
Unfortunately for me, my birth mother wanted nothing to do with me. However, I have 3 brothers who are great and I have since developed a relationship with. I would have loved for my birth mom to have reached out and found me and would have been hurt if I found out that my adoptive parents had been contacted first and had turned her away (mine wouldn’t have, but I’m not sure everyone would react the same way). Just my thoughts, coming from someone who was placed for adoption at birth.
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Long story I will try to make it short , my now Ex husband was adopted, I found his birth mom for him , I contacted her , ( third party ) , she was interested in meeting , they met , then we told his Dad , his Dad didn’t wish to meet the birth mom , but my ex husband continues to have a relationship with her and her family ( she ended up with the birth father ) . With a third party no one is pressured , some bio/adoption parents don’t want connection with the other parents , and that’s okay , at 18 years old it’s really the young woman’s choice , and if she’s ready or not for the reconnection ( in person or just communicating through letters/social media etc) .
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It sounds like her mother is decent since she sent the recent pics. I would reach out to her first, out of respect.
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I was also adopted, I would definitely say contact the mom first then go from there.
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Definitely contact the mom first. It is 100% their business, you don’t know anything about this child other than the fact that you’re the biological mother. The adoptive mom is this child’s “real mom” now and I would make sure you run everything by her first. You don’t know what this girl could be dealing with at any given moment and she might not be ready to have some stranger message her telling her that you’re her real mom and hi, especially over Facebook.
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I think you should be respectful and contact adoptive mom first. They have been raising that child for a long time and are her parents regardless of blood. Adoptive mom also seems like a decent person and all those years she just hasn’t been contacted like they were saying, I mean she sent the recent photo and was with a seemingly welcome email from the mom. Your daughter may not even know she was adopted and you don’t want to be the one to break that type of news to her. Imagine, “Hey (name) I’ve been waiting so long for this, I am your bio mom”, not saying that’s what you would say of course just think of how she would feel. It needs to be her parents. I love that you were able to find them! That’s amazing. I hope all goes well and you are received by your daughter with grace. Best of luck!
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When you put her up for adoption you gave away your parental rights. You need to contact her parents period. She is still a child.
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Go thru the adoptive parents first. It’s the decent thing to do.
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You should message the adoptive mom and then leave it up to your biological daughter when she is ready. I was adopted and I planned to get in contact with my birth family when I was ready but my birth mother did not respect that at all and found me and tracked me down. It was uncomfortable for me and not a happy moment. It felt disrespectful to me because I personally was not ready to meet her/them yet and as the child felt it should have been my choice. Leave it up to her.
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Some parents dont tell their kids that they are adopted. I would really urge you to go through the mom. Its not your place to tell her she is adopted.
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I would wait to see if she would want to reach out to me, first, What you did was the most unselfish thing you ever did, But this now is her life & just maybe she doesn’t want you in it, Post something on FB for everyone to see, Don’t post her picture, unless it’s a baby picture, State “you are looking for her, Her DOB, you think you might know where she is, but don’t want to intrude. Also state the wonderful people who you gave her to, was sending pictures via the agency & then that stopped” And see if she contacts you. You can be more forward, & PM her on FB, but again, she just might not be interested at this time & it can go either way,
You have her up unless she contacts you leave her alone
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Contact her parents. You owe them respect for raising the child you couldn’t. I understand why but find it creepy that you went through her social media without their knowledge. I know it’s public & all that. As a parent I would feel uneasy.
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It’s awesome that you want to get to know her and her know you, but please go through the mom/parents first - your birth daughter may not know she is adopted and if you were to message telling her how you are her biological mother, she will feel like her world is crashing around her and think what else was a lie, etc - I am sure she will be confused and hurt. Who knows, if she truly does not know that she was adopted, the other mother may want to be the one to tell her since she had raised her and if that is the case, the ball will be in her court of whether or not she wants to meet you and get to know you. . I realize she is of age but be considerate and have more respect for her and her adoptive mother by reaching out to the mom first.
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Reach out to the parents first then if they are okay met in person
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Shes 18…adoptive parents didnt hold up their end of deal go straight to her…
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Contact her parents.
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As an adoptive mom, I would want you to contact me first
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I think you should reach out to the adoptive mother and let her know that you would like to reach out to your bio daughter. Give it a couple weeks to month and if no response, try reaching out yourself.
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Let your birth daughter make contact with you! Be patient!!
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Go to the adoptive mum first, she might not even know she is adopted! X
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Put yourself in their shoes. I would want to be notified first, at least to inform me!
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You should message the parents first - cause you don’t want to break your daughters world. Let them break it to her and give her the option
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Big issue is maybe the child / now adult doesn’t know she was adopted 
I would start with adopted mom first and go from their
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Good luck and I hope to sed an update on this but I’d contact adoptive mom first
As an adoptee reach out to parent first. If your daughter wants to find you she will. I’m sure somewhere on the adoption papers is your name. If you have changed your last name add it to FB. It’s not all hearts n flowers. Getting to know her as an adult is way different then raising them. Don’t push. She gets to decide how much contact there is. Be prepared for her to say no thanks. Not everyone wants to know bio parents. I found bio parents in 1989 ( I was 31) and even tho I found that I had 5 full brothers n 5 1/2 brothers and 2 sisters I chose not to have a relationship with them. Life experiences are too great. My aunts n uncles welcomed me but I feel I don’t belong with them either. My adopted family will always be my family.
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As an adopted child I recommend you contact adopted mother. I tracked my birth mother down, but I felt more secure with my adopted mom in the middle. There are a lot of emotions involved and you need to give the woman who has raised her the respect due and allow her to protect the child as she has been doing. If you contact daughter based on information you got from diploma in photo, I’d think you were nuts and I wouldn’t be receptive. Remember this child doesn’t know you. Allow her security above your desires.
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Contact her parents first. If they allow it they do and if they don’t you just have to wait until that child is a legal adult
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