I was being bullied at work, and my husband’s best friend, who happens to be a girl, was a bystander. Since finding out she was a bystander, I have chosen to quit associating with her and her husband, but my husband hasn’t and thinks I’m unfair towards her. He talked to her, and she said she was just trying to mind her own business. He also told me that he is going to hang out with her no matter how I feel about it. We are all archers, and he told me that if I want to participate, she will be there and told me he wouldn’t go to shoots with just me and not her and her husband. I feel really betrayed by him and want to know what others think of you were in my shoes.
196 Likes
I would be questioning why your husband thinks she is more important than you!!! If it was reversed and she was being bullied and you kept quiet I bet she would be asking your husband why you didn’t speak up!! Something fishy about them… sorry I think that but it isn’t normal to pick a friend over your spouse!
I mean… I get that you’re upset, but it’s not her job to defend you. And bullied how? Clearly there are some workplace issues going on that need to be addressed, as well as some communication issues between you, your friends, and your husband.
-
She may have been just as intimidated as you in a situation where you didn’t feel you could stick up for yourself. You’re in the workplace, which further complicates things.
-
If you didn’t shut the bullying down yourself, what was she supposed to do, exactly?
-
How in the world did you ask that man to completely drop someone who’s friendship he clearly values over something that was completely irrelevant to her and her friendship with your husband? I think you’re being unfair and putting blame on her for something she had no hand in.
First thing you need to do is deal with your work situation and the people involved in the bullying. Good luck!
he puts her first, not you - probably he has a crush on her.
leave him.
you should always be a priority! not another woman.
he totally ignores your feelings, he makes you to do things you don’t want to…
if my wife would feel a certain way about someone, i’d be her support no matter what.
look from the side if the way he’s treating you is correct.
you are writing and asking for help - so you know it’s not.
i’m sorry, but ifbhe puts her first, not you, he probably has a thing for her. i’m sorry, but he is gaslighting you, leave… if he loves you, he will stop you, if not - you’ll know.
I really think you should ditch this guy. He clearly had no regards to your feelings when he should be validating them right now. Especially the part where he says that he won’t go with you one on one, only with her and her husband. Which leads me to believe he’s got a crush on her or they’re sleeping together
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I was being bullied at work and my husbands best friend did nothing: Advice?
Being bullied at home, also
37 Likes
What Are The Ages Of The Parties Involved ?
6 Likes
Maybe she has social anxiety and conflict makes her uncomfortable? I’m not taking her side, just trying to give another perspective. However, I think your husband should stand up for you and tell her how it made you feel. I think asking him to drop the friendship is overboard without knowing the context of the bullying
6 Likes
I think I would be hurt, and I don’t understand how he doesn’t see that or how he would justify that…
9 Likes
He has little loyalty for you and that’s sad.
12 Likes
I would be pissed. Your husband should be defending you NO MATTER WHAT AGAINST WHO EVER! No questions asked.
23 Likes
That’s not a good friend…& your husband should be on your side no matter what.
11 Likes
How were you being bullied?
4 Likes
Are you close to her? She might not be a Confrontational person. You can’t hold it against her for not getting involved.
3 Likes
Sounds like your husband has a little girlfriend
25 Likes
Sounds more like a “boyfriend” than a husband. 
5 Likes
Time for a new husband. So much for the wife coming first. She should be his number one priority. Not the friends first
9 Likes
Well first off. Your an adult. Stick up for yourself. Second your husband sounds like a dink.
I think he needs to be your ex husband ASAP
11 Likes
Your husband is being hurtful and that makes it hard for you to see anything within the situation.
At the very least, he could mediate a discussion between you two so you both can share your sides of the situation, and maybe the hubby’s best friend can also compromise with you.
This situation needs a resolution and I think all three parties need to find a compromise that works foe everyone.
1 Like
It’s bad enough a supposed “friend” did nothing but now your husband doesn’t have your back? Shame in him.
6 Likes
What kind of bullying are we talking about here? Were you being stomped American History X style or did some little snob run her mouth for a minute?
15 Likes
Well, I need to know more about the “bullying”
3 Likes
Nope, I wouldnt put up with him. WE are team end of story.
1 Like
- You are being bullied at home also.
& - Id be checking into hubby and his “friend”. If he takes up for her over you… Something is Up…
30 Likes
Maybe she can’t throw hands. 
Oh and him not regarding your feelings is a big red flag…just saying.
5 Likes
Get some new friends.
YTA. not everyone has the mental ability to step in. Not everyone wants to join in your drama.
Stand up for yourself next time and stop expecting people to stand up for you.
Your hubby also shouldn’t have to end friendships for you because of it.
15 Likes
He cares that little about you you have more problems than just being protected at work counseling maybe
5 Likes
There’s people who deserve to be in your life. Your so called husband isn’t one of them. Find your tribe.
4 Likes
Maybe the friend saw the Situation a bit differently…and relayed that to your husband?? Not happy with his behavior but perhaps there is more to it? Or another version.?
1 Like
Get him in CHECK, you should come before any other girl
In the last almost 20 or so years, my husband (and when he was my boyfriend) always choose me. There is no reason why anyone should choose anyone else over a spouse, unless they aren’t just friends 
10 Likes
I don’t care what someone did my husband don’t like them then neither do I. I trust his judgment, that’s why I married him.
4 Likes
Are they seeing each other?
5 Likes
I agree with everyone else, he should put YOU first…period.
3 Likes
Sounds like he doesn’t care about your feelings at all. He cares more about his friends and I’d be wondering if he’s more than friends with the girl. It’s like they are bullying you too. Find people who accept you and go hangout with them. There’s billions of people out there you’ll find better and in the meantime it sounds like being alone and lonely would be better than with your husband. Put yourself first. Your husband does for himself. Treat him like he treats you but with respect so he has nothing to complain about truly. He’s probably been manipulating you in small ways and if you put yourself and you wants and needs ahead of others you’ll see real fast who actually cares about you and how you feel and who has just been using you this whole damn time.
No husband should ever put anyone before his wife. Get a new husband.
16 Likes
Stand up for yourself
2 Likes
If your husband cared about you his anger would match yours. He wouldn’t be finding any reason to not stick up for you and hurt you more. I would not want to stay in a relationship with him.
3 Likes
The at home bullying is worse. Sorry, he should always choose you!
8 Likes
Well if she was really your friend she would have of stood up and had your back and him doing that I think I would tell him to move his ass in with them they may all be having three ways without you but I definitely would have took up for you like she didn’t there was a girl in school that was being bullied and I went and told the girl to quit bullying her that girl pushed me I went back maybe two feet when I pushed her back she ended up on the concrete about 15 ft from where I pushed her from they just say she didn’t bother anymore yeah your friend should always have your back if not they something going on
His complete lack of regard for your feelings is a huge red flag to me. He’s obviously made his choice and it’s not you babe
5 Likes
Ok… You expect someone ELSE to stand up for you being bullied?
Lose your own damn spine?
ONLY person you should be mad at is YOURSELF if you didn’t.
Past that…
She was either thought you were an ADULT and could handle it OR thought hey, I don’t want to get involved THIS IS MY JOB.
Sounds like the only mistake was assuming you were a big girl and could take care of your OWN problems. She gave you too much CREDIT. Yes, that’s her bad.
1 Like
A husband should stand by his wife no matter what.
4 Likes
If his friend is more important than you it’s time to move on. Simple as that . Know your worth.
8 Likes
Your husband should have your back regardless
3 Likes
They were all trashy before you met them.
1 Like
Your husband is suppose to be YOUR best friend. YES YOUR HUSBAND should limit or end a friendship with someone who has done what she did. Find a new husband
6 Likes
right or wrong ur husband should back you and stand up for you something wrong here
2 Likes
Get a new husband!!!
4 Likes
Priorities.
Your husband doesn’t have his priorities straight.
You, his wife, best friend, love of his life, should be of utmost priority.
There should be no question.
He should be supporting you.
What kind of ‘best friend’ does he have if that friend cannot be your backup/support when you need it.
I come first in my husbands life.
My husband supports me first (anytime, anyplace, with anyone) with his whole being and I would not expect any less from his friends.
7 Likes
I’m so sorry ,I would feel very hurt.
3 Likes
He needs to man up and be there for you. He should put you first not her, unless there is something more going on between them?
6 Likes
I would feel the same as you. He should have your back.
2 Likes
He needs to be
with them
2 Likes
Downplaying how it affected you and your desire not to be close to someone who tolerated it is disrespectful towards you. Manipulation to not involve you in a previous activity is gaslighting and borderline abusive. I’m sorry he respects you so little that your being bullied has zero impact on him. He’s no better than her. Stand your ground. Though they refuse to validate your feelings you still have the right to make choices you feel healthy for you.
5 Likes
Wow, looks like he’s a big bully too. Get rid of him, he stinks!
5 Likes
Ugh she might have dibs on him then.
2 Likes
I’d be pissed, he should back you cause you’re his wife
4 Likes
Seems she is #1. Get a new #1 for yourself.
1 Like
How come you can’t stand up for yourself??
4 Likes
Beat her up 
. And say I was just tryna mind my business. With you husband being your business 
3 Likes
Being your husband’s best friend, she should have said something at the very least. I only say that because if she knows how much you mean to him, it would be important to her. This says a lot about how she knows he feels about you, unfortunately.
5 Likes
You’d do it for him in a second. Yeah that hurts
1 Like
Priorities, he’s showing you that you’re not sadly.
2 Likes
Stand up for yourself. It’s not her job to protect you, and she would be targeting herself for bullying
2 Likes
Why aren’t you your husband’s best friend but another woman is?!?
4 Likes
Leave him he is useless to you if he is doing that
2 Likes
Join a different archery, or go at a different time to practice, meet other people, and watch how he is…
6 Likes
Wow. Him being so unwilling to stand by you is not ok. Literally everyone deserves better. Leave him
3 Likes
What exactly was she suppose to do because you were being bullied?
1 Like
Well she should have stuck up for you for one, but the big problem I see here is your husband. He should chose you no matter If you are wrong or not, and that’s the problem with relationships and marriages, people don’t have old school values like they should. I know I have one that chose the world over me too sooo….
11 Likes
A husband should have your back regardless of whether his friend is a male or female I think it just hurts more when it’s a female. But honestly if he can’t stand up for you or pick you over EVERYONE then I’m sorry, you need a new husband. It’s not her job to stand up for you but it is his job. It just shows what kind of person she is and how she doesn’t value you but appearantly neither does he
7 Likes
Pssssh. They all sound like assholes.
I would leave him if it was me
1 Like
Why is your husbands best friend a girl??
2 Likes
Honestly…you need to grow up.
I mean…you seriously are going to throw away a friendship… and expect your husband to do the same…simply bc she didn’t stand up for you while you were being bullied?!!
I mean yeah…a good friend would stand up for you. But a good friend would also ask them why they didn’t…instead of just acting childish and insecure.
BUT your husband def should have your back above everyone else.
It just really seems to me like there needs to be more communication and honesty…between all 4 of y’all.
5 Likes
Put your big girl panties on yes they are friends but she is not obligated to stand up for you… your a adult
6 Likes
I would feel betrayed too… and that so called mate that stood by why u were bullied… is a prick.
Go to the shoot and keep going to do ur thing… but make sure she knows that u feel betrayed by her for doing what she did…
Ur husband is a prick too… find ur own group to go shooting with and fuck them off
-
Why did you think it was her responsibility to protect you?
-
Do you stop speaking to everyone who doesn’t do exactly what you think they should do?
-
You can’t control someone and love them at the same time. These are your husband’s friends, you can’t expect him to just hide at home with you in resentment forever.
6 Likes
Your husband should be on your side always
2 Likes
Are you serious right now?
You are a GROWN A** woman. So because your a** is scary, you want another woman to put her neck on the line to defend you? 
It’s not like some chicks were whoopin your a** and she didn’t try to help, I could understand why you would be upset. But come on now. As for being in your shoes, I can’t relate because I’m not going to allow a man or woman to bully me. I’m going to defend myself by any means necessary. 
4 Likes
Are you all dating ? Like yall are married separately but always doing shit together? Cause that’s weird in itself.
I bet you couldn’t have a man as a best friend and do the same to him. He would blow a fuse
Sounds like he has made his choice… if you’re making him choose
Wait what is she wonder woman c’mon 
1 Like
Time to find yourself a man best friend and put him first to give him a taste of his own medicine 
6 Likes
As for her, it is what it is. As for your husband, he should always be on your side. My husband always has my back, no matter what.
4 Likes
I mean its not her job to defend you you have to do so yourself. Also she could of been in fear she would be fired.
2 Likes
Sounds like she’s not much of a best friend if she didn’t have your back in that situation. Sounds like it’s time for a new best friend.
1 Like
Well I’m a bitch. I would start talking shit about him! Why should u be loyal to ur hubby when he chooses his friends and their wives over you. And my lies would be whoppers. He wears women’s underwear cause they make feel pretty! He’s into gay porn! He has a 1” member! Bet he picks being loyal to u next time 
He should stand beside you, but you’re taking this a lil too far lol. How were you bullied? Context matters. If she knew, she maybe just didn’t want to get in on the drama, which is totally fine… I would mind my own business too. Is she your friend? Or your husband’s? Drama drama drama. Yall need to grow.
3 Likes
I’m sorry Don’t mean to sound mean but he would be gone if he was my husband
3 Likes
How come another woman is your husband’s best friend?
Again, I am wondering why you couldn’t standup for yourself but expect another woman to? If you had stood up for yourself, she probably would have joined you. Or she’s just trying to stay out of trouble? Who knows, she might have been bullied there before?
10 Likes
I see many different issues here. I see you as a person not standing up for yourself and expecting someone else to do it. I also see you expecting your husband to drop a friendship over something that is so childish in my opinion. It’s not the friends job to stand up for you. It’s yours. I also see that you haven’t asked this friend why she isn’t stood up for you. Then you have your husband asking for you. Might I ask what do you do for yourself? Except cry over spilled milk?. When you yourself could actually hash this out without involving the husband in the first place. I guess I do things differently. I don’t run to hubby for anything I handle it myself. Just saying.
5 Likes
You’re an adult. Stand up for yourself and don’t expect people to do it for you then get mad and make your husband suffer too. Also for all of you questioning why a man had a female best friend…you need to reevaluate your relationship and if you wouldn’t “allow” your spouse to be friends with the opposite sex. Yikes
Wow some of these comments dang , there are some very empowering woman out there . So truly do not let how some of these lower vibrational woman responses get to you. It’s sucks you were getting bullied I have a few friends who were so abused as children they wouldn’t stand up for themselves if you slow stabbed her. So not everyone is designed the same. So the way you struggled with the bullying she main be intimidated as well. I would not blame her for that. I would be so hurt if my husband didn’t work through this with me.
7 Likes
Y does she need to stand up for you. Your an adult u stand up for yourself.