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You are not her responsibility… not her place to put her job on the line for you. Your grown. Stand up for yourself…
I sucks getting bullied… and I sucks that it happened to you but it’s not her place to take care of u…
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She may have been afraid to speak up. Call her over, sit at the table with her and your husband and y’all talk it out like grownups!!!
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It sounds like your husband has shown who comes first, and it’s not you.
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My husband would wreck someone over bullying me! And he wouldn’t have a friend that wouldn’t defend me in his honor! That’s no friend!
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I don’t blame her really. I would’ve wanted to stay out of it too.
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His loyalty lies with her and not you. Id show him the door.
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you don’t have to be her BFF, but honestly why didn’t YOU stand up for YOU, and not expect someone else to do it? What did YOU do? Goodness thicken the skin and grow up, just because you do things with your husband with her and her husband, doesn’t mean you have to be buddies.
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I dint blame her I would mind my business and not get in your drama either it isn’t her place to be your protector and it is very toxic of you to say who your husband can and can’t be friends with
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These children need to grow up and realize what they’re doing. Obviously they don’t care about anyone else but themselves, so sorry for this. Can you talk to your manager?
Period… You feel hurt that she didn’t stand up for you but that’s not the problem!! Your husband’s insensitivity is the problem, he shouldn’t have to choose but who wants a “best friend” who doesn’t have your back or your wife??? Honestly stand up for yourself and this wouldn’t be an issue… but someone else stated when you’re abused as a child you may not be able to help yourself but you deff should try
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She doesn’t have to defend u. U should be defending urself.
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The husband sounds like an ass ! He should always have the wife’s back no matter what . And his friend needs to move on
Sounds very highschool I think you need to grow up. You can’t force people to have a problem with someone you have issues with that’s super toxic. Put on your big girl panties and have a conversation with the friends wife.
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I think you’re being childish. She’s not required to step in and defend you. Why not just defend yourself? Maybe she didn’t feel comfortable inserting herself in the situation for one reason or another. There’s 100 possible reasons why she didn’t say anything. Bottom line is she’s just not required to jump in and defend you.
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How old are you? Stand up for yourself! Gracious.
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She has absolutely no obligation to back you up just because she is friends with your hubs. I sure as hell wouldn’t put myself into someone else business.
Get over yourself
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Wow. Ok so obviously a lot of these comments come from people that haven’t been bullied. Maybe they were the ones being the bullies earlier in life. Maybe they just expect everyone to have a tough skin. Idk. But if my husband decided that a coworker of mine which is also a friend of his regardless of sex and he took their side I would be put off by it. Basically your spouse needs to always have your back regardless if you are wrong or not. Him blatantly choosing to side with the coworker shows he doesn’t have his spouse first. Just his own reputation.
Y’all keep saying she doesn’t have to stand up for this woman but it’s clear this woman is extremely involved in their life! What kind of a friend is that?! Yes, she should have stood up for herself but I’ll be dang if any of my REAL friends would stand around and watch me be bullied regardless of where we are! That’s not a friend! I bet if it were your husband she would have spoken up! Nah, I’m good. She wouldn’t be at my house again. Friends have each other’s backs.
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Don’t expect someone to stand up for you when you can’t even stand up for yourself.
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My SO would never chose anyone over me besides a child. Sorry not sorry. He can go be her husband if that’s how he feels about it. Disrespectful of him not to take your side on something like that bc I bet 100% if he were her bystander he wouldn’t have “minded his own business” or if it were him and she were the bystander she wouldn’t have minded her own business either. …
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Why be upset? It be something if this woman was actually your friend but still I am sure she didn’t want the risk of losing her own job to speak up.
I’m my opinion if it was at the workplace I would stay out of it too. But your husband is putting another woman above you and that’s a big deal. He’s showing you your place in life. It’s bullshit and sound like he care more about her
He needs for you to exit. Hea doing nothing to prove otherwise. Been there, overlooked it, love is blind. Take your leave and look for a real man not a coward.
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Sophia Poulos so then why didnt he marry her lmaoooo
Be the better adult person - let it go and treat her like she’s your friend. Your kindness will show everyone the better you.
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Sorry I think she should have had your back and I think your husband should have your back. They’re supposed to be close to you, but both of them are leaving you out floundering. People who care about you don’t do that.
I once had a “friend” brag to me that her boyfriend wouldn’t help me if I was being r*ped because it “wasn’t his business.”
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Honestly, I was being harassed at work, had our close family friend there and she didn’t say a word, she has crippling anxiety, and I would never expect her to put herself through that stress, and make her life at work harder then it already was, maybe think about that side of it, she wasn’t bullying you, and not everyone is confident enough to face confrontation, I’m not, when I saw bullying, i let the boss know, and left it at that, confronting a bully at work, when it’s not about you, can then lead to you being a victim, which isn’t fair.
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I have been on the other side of this… my partner thought I should end my friendship with my best friend… because of something she (he thought) should have done…
I was devastated and found a way to continue my friendship… with respect towards his feelings… but healthy marriage would address this head on, not play games and banish people and expect your partner to do same…
Talk to the friend… set boundaries aka communicating and differentiation
We need friends other than our spouse… it’s healthy
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Believe it or not some women don’t like drama. You’re a big girl you don’t need your husbands friends to come to your defense. Stand up for yourself.
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If she was any kind of a friend (bbf) she would have spoken up for you. And it sounds like all 3 dont have your back.
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Some of the comments on here are pathetic.
First, no where did the OP state that she DIDN’T try standing up for herself. So there’s that.
Perhaps she did, but the person or people bullying her was somehow much more intimidating.
IDK where Some of you women get off acting like you wouldn’t be just as upset in this same situation.
I guess I just grew up differently than you all, because if I see someone getting bullied, I’m stepping up and in.
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I mean she wanted to mind her own business… you’re an adult. That’s not her business in a business place (in my opinion) unless it’s something that brings charges/firing. I would never expect others to throw themselves out like that. Your husband doesn’t have to dislike someone just cause you do.
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I’d dump them all including the hubs!!
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Sorry excuse for a husband!!!
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Keep work away from home life. Don’t expect outside life to help u on the job
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Throw the whole husband away
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I think you sound like a child. 
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I understand the not get involved side. But I don’t stand for bullying at all. So adult kid elderly animals idc I’m gonna say something. But I have a big mouth.
How can you expect someone else to stand up for you if you won’t even stand up for yourself?
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Grow up… she was minding her own business at work. Mayne she can’t afford to lose her job if something had happened
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My husband only has 2 females he grew up with that are his best friends, I know them very well, and if we worked together and either one of them saw me being bullied they’d say something, as I would for either one of them. And if they didn’t, my husband would snap on them and if they had a problem with it he wouldn’t talk to them again. He comes first for me and I come first for him, period! Not to mention, if I worked with anyone, friend or not, and I saw them being bullied, I’m saying something. That mind ypur business mentality these days is bullshit! Right is right and wrong is wrong, and that’s all there is to it. And if you can see it or hear it, that makes it your business, ask any prosecutor in this country!
Nah. My husbands stands with me. Period.
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Everybody justifying the friend and husband is so crazy to me! As a friend of mine who’s BESTFRIENDS with my husband stand and watch people harass me and not even at least speak up then yea you’re cut off because even though I don’t like drama I’m not watching anyone apart of my circle be bullied! I’m going to say something! For the husband to basically choose the friend over the wife is another issue at hand! Nothing about this is high school or childish but yall would say that until it’s yall walking in her shoes and it happens then yall will be feeling the same way she does:bangbang:
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Personally, because of past trauma and because I’m slightly petty, I will tell him “fine, you won’t stand up for.me so I’m gonna do to you what I’m doing to her which is telling you to bye bye bye 
”. Personally, if my partner can’t have my back, why should I stay. But my personal opinions and views so please don’t hate on me
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More than a friend. If he does not defend you,loose him before he leaves you
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Sorry I’m the minority but I would have minded my business too. You can’t stand up for your self but you want everyone else too
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The only thing that evil has to win, is for good people to not intervene. Good people… intervene. You’re NOT wrong
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That chic above me? We wouldn’t be friends
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I thinkbit screams poor character. I’d be pushed too. Friend should have your back. And regardless your hubby should be on your side and he is wrong for standin with her would not put up with that.
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He should have your back!!! If my husband did that I’d be filing for divorce 
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Was it bullying or saying something you don’t agree with??
You say you found out she was a bystander…which is odd because if you were being bullied you would be able to see who was present
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Totally agree, betrayal is the worst… I have my own betrayal situation
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She was minding her business at work so she doesn’t risk her job. Nothing wrong with that. You are grown and should be able to handle a bully yourself. This sounds so childish.
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Depends on who and how you were “being bullied”. There’s no excuse for bullies but let’s hear more. The lady has a right to keep her head down at work. Did you speak up for yourself? Did you even talk to this lady? Tell us more…
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I would mind my business too… work is work… what does trigger me however, would be that my husband would never make me or my feelings seem invalid and if i were uncomfortable with something my husband would always accommodate that and how i feel… so that deff seems shady.
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Partners should take your side. Especially on that
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I don’t get why people are afraid to help someone else, no job is worth having if your morals or standards are being called upon. I would say the truth, if I saw it I’d say it how it is or was. Maybe she did stick up for herself, if my husband did that I’d say byebye… her too. Not ok. It says a lot about someones character.
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Hell no your husband should choose you every time in every scenario. If she was really his friend she would have told them to cool it. Him choosing her over you says a lot.
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Id feel betrayed also!
Best friend has a point if she indeed telling the truth I wouldn’t be upset. Work is work dude
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I’m your husband is bullying u by not defending u sounds like friend is lover I’d run if I were you
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I understand his side up to the part where he won’t go with you separately. He has no right to try and force you to be around people you don’t want to be around.
There’s 0 reason he can’t hang out with them alone and still go with you just you other times.
Was she bullying you? Exactly how old are you? It isn’t her job to babysit you. If you don’t want to associate with her then don’t but it doesn’t seem fair to take away your husband’s friends
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You may want to address her. She may have not wanted to get involved in incident at work. You can explain to her how and why that hurt you and maybe hear her out. Sounds like hubby stance is firm so may want to bend a bit. So sorry about the workplace bully. I’ve been on the receiving end of that shit too.
Divorce…bye they all handed you the scissors
I agree with your husband.
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Not enough detail. Defend yourself. Maybe she didn’t want to get involved and make things worse for anyone. Perhaps you took it differently then others? Your husband wasn’t there and therefore cannot justify the he said she said. Maybe stage your point to her and how you felt as well to him and move on.
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Maybe she didn’t say anything because the “bully” might have divulged some info about your hubby and her…
…ijs…cause your hubby, if no one else, should have your back!! Both their actions speaking louder than words.
Its not her place to step in. Sorry. You need to find a different job not different aquaintances.
Your hubby should always put you first Regardless of the situation … Not cool he is putting another girl before you.
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I have never read so much nonsense in my life. The term used “your hubby should have your back no matter what” is a complete farce. I will not condone or acknowledge anyone’s bad, toxic or controlling behaviour in a positive way. There is a huge difference in disregarding your emotions to the situation than disagreeing with them. Just because someone feels a certain way does
Not mean that it is comprehensive. Sounds to me like your just salty because someone who didn’t stick up for you is friends with your husband and you are just trying to punish her. when that didn’t work out your now looking for confirmation that you are not in the wrong for your own benefit. There could be so many reasons for why she didn’t stick up for you. I personally hate confrontation. Time to grow up.
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Ok. Your husband and her HAVE SOMETHING MORE. Its not just friendship, sorry, he make it obvious. Wont go if its just you and him??? WHATHEFUCK.
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If she wasn’t the one bullying then why should u act rude towards her? Some people would rather just mind their own business then make their life a living hell at work for standing up for Someone else!
I have 99 questions and all of them are what the fuck?
It’s not her obligation to stick up for you.
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I would leave you should always come before people like that. Always unless kids are involved. That him telling you that their feeling mean more to him than your feelings do and that’s no kinda relationship to be in.
Stand your ground. Let him do his own laundry, dishes, cooking.
Uhm are you guys in high school? 
stick up for yourself
While I do think that if someone is being bullied/mistreated anyone who witnesses it should step in and say/do something, I think your post is entirely too vague for anyone who doesn’t know what happened to give an opinion on this. Especially because it occurred in the work setting and we have no idea what the culture is of the company that you work for- do they have an HR department? Was the bullying done by a same level colleague or by someone in management? Would there have been repercussions that could have affected her employment status if she stepped in? How did you “find out” she was a bystander? Are you sure she didn’t just hear about the situation after the fact? What’s your definition of bullying? I do think your husband should stand up for you and be on your side, but this sounds like it could possibly be a situation where he knows the whole story and you’ve given vague details here to gain validation for a possible overreaction… I guess I just don’t get why you would type all this out without any real details of what happened unless you were looking for knee jerk responses that using words/verbiage like “I was bullied,” “my husband’s best friend did nothing,” and “I feel betrayed by him” would invoke
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Get rid of him he is putting another woman before you!
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He can marry her after yall get divorced
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You’re an adult. You don’t need anyone to stand up for you from a work bully first of all. Maybe she didn’t want to jeopardize her job? Or maybe there’s something more going on, not enough details to take a guess
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You have to separate your personal and your work life… She has bills to pay too, and may be she didn’t want to throw herself on the flames. I would try talking to her before I just cut her off.
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I would divorce the guy…
You need to report the bullying and stand up for yourself against bullies. Why do you figure it was her responsibility to intervene? It’s none of her business and she just didn’t want to get involved. You can’t hate her for that, sheesh! Your husband is right, you need to get over it.
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She was a bystander? Not participating? I understand you feel betrayed, but I think you need to also put yourself in her shoes. Right now it is especially hard to find good employment. You have to consider that she has to think of HER well-being also. If she stepped in it could cause problems for her at work. Some people can’t afford that, they NEED their job. Even if it hurt her to witness it, her responsibility is to keep herself fed. I hate what you went through at work, I hate that someone you felt like should have been there for you wasn’t. Now, you also have to consider you’re being a little immature. She didn’t do anything to you, she just didn’t step in an be a hero so now your husband is being punished? I think you gotta rethink this one hun.
So I don’t see anything wrong with her not wanting to get involved, but I definitely see an issue with your husband putting her before you. It seems like his relationship with her is more important than his relationship with you. That would be my issue.
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You need to grow up she did nothing wrong you are being a baby your husband is correct so deal with it and get over it
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Your husband should stand 100% by you, PERIOD! I don’t care if you were actually wrong your husband should choose you 100% over any woman! If your wrong ok for him to say something private to you…BUT 100% should back you above EVERYONE else publicly.
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I can see his side of it and you being hurt. But if he cuts off contact and you decide to forgive her and realize she was minding her business or maybe didn’t know what to do then it would be even more awkward.
Some of y’all in these comments make me cackle. The woman has no obligation to stand up for you and, assuming you’re over 18, should learn to set up boundaries and tell people when to knock off behavior towards you if you don’t like it. If it’s a big issue, tell your manager/supervisor about the issue and let THEM handle it. Why open the door for another team member, who you saw as a friend, to the treatment you’ve been getting? He’s not “choosing her over you” as some comments said, he literally said her and her husband. If it was just her I’d be a little sus. Maybe go out to dinner with them, and tell her that it did upset you that she didn’t step in, then let her speak her reasons.
Also, don’t divorce your husband over still wanting to hang out with friends.
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You found out she was a bystander?!!! I’m confused. Did she stand by and let someone bully you or not?! Furthermore, work is work. Maybe she’s trying to avoid drama- you might should follow suit.
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You should never ask him to stop being friends with his best friend. That’s unfair. He talked to her. He did his job.
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Divorce him and sue the work place!!!
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Maybe she felt you were in the wrong and chose to stay out of it maybe she enjoys her job and doesn’t want to jeopardize it. Stick up for yourself or take it to HR.
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You’re being petty she doesn’t HAVE to stick up for you. Do it yourself you’re an adult. She did nothing wrong, how do you know she even saw it? And like another comment it’s too vague need more info on it.
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Seems like you are trying to split the friendship up for no reason.
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If you were unable to stand up for yourself being bullied, I think it’s unfair to hold her to a higher standard. Im all for protecting each other and believe that everyone should stand up when they see someone being bullied, but not everyone is that strong… obviously you were unable to stop the behavior- therefore perhaps she felt as helpless in the moment.
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Unless their relationship as friends is inappropriate, I’d move on. Seriously, find another job.
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