The last time I said my husband helps, I was attacked in a group. She told me it’s not helping, it’s him doing his job . But my husband helps with the cooking, and with the kids. When I was sick with Covid, while I was away to test, he spring cleaned the whole house, and did everything whole I was sick. Other than that, if u ask him to go buy something, he’ll go, and loves cooking.
How old are your kids?
What type of job does he have
AND what was your agreement before you had kids?!
SAHM of 3 here my husband works from home regular hours 8-5 super flexible schedule and he helps with everything he doesn’t do a lot of heavy cleaning during the week but he does on the weekends. He does all the outside work helps put the kids to bed helps with HW and meals… moms work hard and he helped makes these kids why shouldn’t he help with them?
Mine tries to help with kids when he can but he works two jobs so he’s up from 3am leaves gets home at 7/8pm he works 7 days
My hubby cooks dinner and occassionally breakfast on the weekend, takes care of trash, washes his work clothes (his choice), and yard work. We shop together most of the time but we both occasionally go for things alone. I do pretty much everything when it comes to the kids and the cleaning.
When I was a SAHM, I took care of all of the cleaning, laundry and errands during the day while my husband was at work. When he got home, he would cook dinner and I would clean up after. He also did all of the yard work.
Me taking care of the house during the day while he was at work and then him cooking and me cleaning up dinner allowed for us to have down time together in the evenings.
Keep in mind, every marriage is different and you have to find what works for you. The age of your children and how many children you have also weighs on what you can accomplish during the day.
My partner and I do 50/50 at home. I do what I can while he’s at work, then when he gets home he jumps right in to help out so we can get everything done and relax together.
Let’s be honest … I’ve seen how he hangs up clothes … loads dishwasher & put them away … I’d rather just do it myself
My husband literally says that raising the kids and all housework inside is my job since he works and gets paid. I don’t agree with that since I didn’t make the kids by myself but it is what it is I guess
Mine will fold laundry, take out the trash, cook with me and go shop with me.
oh hell no. all able bodied people living in a household should contribute to its upkeep. If he truly wants to pull that staying home should do it all card- then fine, do all the chores for the children but his laundry, cooking, cleaning etc is all his responsibility.
I’m a SAHM due to health issues so our circumstances are probably not the same.
I do about 90% of the chores around the house on a daily including caring for the kids. He takes over 100% when I am physically unable to even care for myself and he cares for me as well when I am not in the hospital or ICU. He works 45-50 hours a week depending on call offs and what not.
My husband will not hesitate to pick up the slack when he gets home. He knows how hard it is here at home, but he’ll never complain. I am his partner, not his slave. He takes very good care of me so that I can take care of him and the kids.
Your a stay at home mom that’s YOUR job. His job is working on the outside at his job. Stop complaining and do your job as a stay at home mom or get your a&& to work. You have one job and he has his
I’m a working mom and still do everything…
Yes until winter and they have to shovel snow or mow, during the summer…is he a fix it type person too…
Mine helps some, but i guess I’m probably the unpopular opinion because I don’t go to his job to help him throughout the day, I don’t pay the bills, so I don’t really expect him to clean the house
I work PRN/part time & he’s full time. He is definitely the man of the house since he brings home almost all the bacon…. I maintain household. Pay bills, take care of children/take them to appts, I do all the cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, errands, & shopping. We are a blended family w 6 kids (kids help w chores. & We have a 16yr old, 2- 15yr old boys, & a 12yr old boy who mow the lawn & take out trash) Our cars we take to shop/other ppl. I’ll fix minor things or have professionals come. Like when it comes to plumbing/AC.
He will occasionally grill/cook something, but that’s about it.
Absolutely he does but just with small things! I don’t ever expect him too though. I will do all the cleaning and he will vacuum and sometimes switch laundry over. He is a hard working union worker. Plus o rather clean so I know it’s clean lol.
Ii told my husband before we had kids that I wasn’t doing all the cleaning by myself. So he does a few things to help ease the loads of cleaning I need to do for the day. Also, I’m going back to school now he’s helping more so I can focus and finish for what I want to do in the near future.
The only thing I have my boyfriend do is cut the grass sometimes he will clean the kitchen but I don’t care much. I get behind but it’ll get done. He will make bottles and change a diaper if needed but I don’t expect him to all the time.
If he works full time and helps take care of the kids and provides all the income I would not expect him to also come home and clean but that’s just my opinion
And it’s not considered 50/50
If he’s working taking care of kids and doing housework / shopping that’s not 50/50
I’m not downing stay at home moms
I’ve been there
But 50 50 is both working both taking care of the kids and both paying bills and both cleaning
Anything that happens after normal “work hours” is a shared responsibility
No…u are a stay at home mom not a slave!!!
SAHM here, he lives here too so he helps. While I do most things, he absolutely helps with housework and such.
My husband cooks mostly and he works but my husband is picky though lol and yes he does help me clean and we grocery shop together. But we do that one his days off and as for the cooking he mainly cooks unless it’s breakfast stuff like french toast or eggs bacon and potatoes. But IMO I think both partners need to help in a sense like when my husband cooks I’ll start cleaning up the mess he makes so it’ll be cleaned quicker…
50/50? No I don’t bring in money so during his week I do not expect him to help with the household. He does take out the trash. But he does help with homework time. And he does help during his days off. He works 50/60 hours a week so I am OK with this arrangement. He also doesn’t care if I don’t have the house 100%.
When I did this I wouldn’t allow him to help. He helped enough by going out and earning a living so I could stay home. He did mow the yard and take trash to the dump. I willingly, lovingly and happily did everything else and never even considered he should do more.
Veronica Gomez for their KIDS yes, for him, absolutely not.
After work all hands on deck.
It’s tragic some of these responses.
Mine helps after I freak out.
My husband & I have the opposite situation - I work full time, he stays home with our daughter. He does the majority of the housework (dishes, laundry, general cleaning), and I handle cooking dinner and shopping (although in all fairness, the “shopping” is 99% placing an Instacart or Target delivery order, so I don’t really do much in that sense lol). But if there are ever times where he is feeling overwhelmed with his share of the tasks, he would let me know and I’d try to do a little more to help lighten the load, so to speak. If what you guys are doing is no longer working for you, I would suggest having a discussion with him and try to come up with a new plan that works for both of you.
Mine is awesome and helps with everything, I have to stay home to watch our children not because the house needs to be clean, dinner needs to be made and laundry needs to get done…that’s just a bonus
My husband works nights. So I’m usually cleaning while he’s asleep. If I ask him to do a few things he will without complaint. BUT he will also not comment when I don’t get something done or the house isn’t immaculate.
I’m a stay at home mom! My husband helps me with everything when he’s home! Cooking, cleaning, laundry, feeding and showering the kids, changing their nappies and putting them to bed etc…when it comes to anything in life, we’re team mates and I don’t even have to ask him! I’m so blessed to have him!
I don’t work anymore but I take car if 8 people. Cook, do dishes,clean, pay bills,laundry, mow lawn , walk dog, grocery shop, take and pick kids up from school and sports. I don’t have time to work!!!
My husband cooks and cleans and handles law care and house projects. He will also help put up the children’s laundry. -when asked.
I do sweeping. Mopping. Dusting.windows.bathrooms. Wiping of doors handles baseboards. Oils change schedules. Making the kids lunches. Tidying their beds, rooms and play spaces. Most of the dishes unless he cooks. He also makes our bed and picks up laundry on the floor. Basically anything else. I nurse our 1 yr old and am 21 weeks pregnant. We have a 7 &6 year old. They make their beds handle their lunches and un-do the dishwasher.
He works from home and is an engineer.
No. My husband works, and I go to school full time on top of taking care of the kids. We split household duties.
Yes, I am. He works full time & absolutely helps. Even without me asking.
Trust me, I already know I am blessed.
He works all day so you can live off him… while he works you do house work, cooking and the daily errands while he’s at work. or go get a job and then you can do it when you come home from work too. Maybe speak to your husband like an adult and be like hey wanna give me a hand with this… etc…
My husband works 2 jobs and helps by his choice I’m a sahm 33w pregnant
Mines a trucker so when he’s home parenting, household stuff and all that is 50/50.
You a stay at home mom the house chores are your job… I go work wife stay home my house better be taking care of
Mine helps if i need him to
I’m a stay at home mom. My husband always helps out without having to be asked. He will wash dishes, cook, do laundry, vacuum, bathe the kids, anything really that he feels like would help me out. He also works full time. Very blessed with him!!
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband works all day and then helps when he’s home. It’s not all on me, I am working all day too … and he knows that.
I mean I do 99% of everything while my husband is busting his ass working for our family. I make it so he doesn’t have to lift a finger when he gets home unless there is something I need done to the house that I need his help with. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, tend to all the kids needs and everything. He will help when asked but it’s not often I do honestly. I’m home all day while he is working and our two oldest are at school so I have plenty of time to do everything that needs to be done. This is just works for us.
I’m a stay at home mom… my husband helps with everything even working full time and over time. (I do majority obviously bc of his long hours but he always jumps in and helps whenever he can). Kids, dishes, laundry, extra curricular ect. no one can pour from an empty cup! Teamwork is key!
Yes he helps and never complains about anything. Even if the house is a mess and he’s worked a long hard day. I kept our children alive and are happy and healthy
I don’t expect mine to come home and cook and clean and blah blah. But, I do expect him to clean up after himself and participate in raising our children. Those are not unspeakable things to ask. Those are being a responsible human being things to ask.
I have a cleaning lady come over once in a while or during emergency/freak out times. You know, depressive episode, over loaded with extra activities, family parties at home, ect. My husband will not physically help do anything, but he pays for help to arrive
He works full time. I work part time. 3 kids and a house are all my responsibility. Is it fair ?! Absolutely not lol I pay utilities he pays house / cars…
My husband helps when he can and we do shopping together, but most of the time i do everything but i feel as if i should since i get the opportunity to stay home with our babies.
I’m a stay at home mom and my husband works 3/12’s as a nurse. I do 99% of it. Now if I was working as well that would definitely have to change.
I’ve done both. Work, and stay at home. We always split duties 50/50 when I was staying home I did more but he always helped me.
You are equal partners in everything at least you should be.
I love the saying “wether she was here or not you’d still be working and making a paycheck and you’d have to clean up after yourself”
My husband does all the grocery shopping. He has since we had our first over 9 years ago. He also helps with household chores and cooks. It takes more than just one person to keep the household together and we’re a team so it requires effort from both of us.
I’m a stay at home mom. Homeschooling, dog training, 2 reef tanks maintenance, a whole house to clean, and trying to study on top of this. He works everyday and he still helps, even when I tell him I have it under control. If he wanted to, he would…
Yes thank goodness
He works 2 weeks on 1 week off and whenever he’s home working or not he helps in every way he can. I mostly cook and usually clean as I go but he’ll give our daughter a bath and get her to bed, or if I am worn put he’ll start cleaning up dinner. He recognizes when I’ve been worn out for a while and will take us out to eat (always when I need it most). He cooks, cleans, helps with our kid especially when he’s off work. I also understand he gets worn out from work and don’t get upset if he needs to just relax. I always make sure the house is clean and taken care of and he doesn’t get upset if it’s a little messy one day. I would say I’m pretty lucky, and I am very lucky, but a little help when needed is bare minimum and a man that doesn’t believe so was certainly not raised to be a gentleman or a good spouse. And it takes two to make a child. Raising a child together is 50/50, work or house duties have nothing to do with it. It’s just selfish to believe that because you pay the bills you can be worthless around the house. That’s the most unattractive thing. I will be a single parent long before I’d ever put up with that behavior. I just wasn’t raised that way.
My husband helps with doing yard work, fixing things, getting the kids to bed, trash, and his laundry if needed. I do try to keep us with his work clothes but it isn’t always easy to do.
Mine works full time but from home. He still helps out around the house. He’s always doing something. I’m very blessed
My husband cooks a good bit & washes his work clothes (they can’t be washed with our regular clothes), occasionally he will help “tidy up”, and very rarely he will “clean” the bathrooms (his version of clean & mine are NOT the same!)
I did for 18 years and I broke down and got sick of it. He didn’t start helping til after I left him and complained about it. When I came back (in 2 months) he agreed to start changing. Why? Cuz he had to do everything on his own when he was alone. He does help me when I ask now. But ONLY if I ask. I know many many woman who do it all
My husband works very very long hours, more than full time, when he’s home he helps with anything he can. If your partner isn’t willing to help with their own home/children, their the wrong kind of partner.
When I stayed home, mine helped as much as he could when he wasn’t working. Just because you stay home doesn’t mean you don’t need help sometimes… breaks aren’t showering alone.
I’m not a stay at home I work 40 hours a week my husband works to anywhere from 45 to 55 hours a week and I. DO…Everything! He comes home sits still until bed
My daughter had a gymnastics practice from 6:30-8:30 last night. I cooked before we left. Left dinner covered on the counter for when my husband came home from work. Kids and I got home at 9, hubby was finishing up work on the computer. I put the food away and went to bed. I hear him and the kitchen doing the dishes and wiping counters. This is a constant, common thing in our house.
When I was a SAHM my husband came home and spent his time with the kiddos. I usually cooked and cleaned up but he would do baths and pjs and everything. I did most of the cleaning only because he doesn’t do it my way lol.
I have made the transition from being a working outside the home mom to a SAHM. My husband is the sole provider for our family. When I was working outside the home, I never asked my husband to come to my place of work and help me with my job so I don’t expect him to help me with my job now that my home is my job. You have to treat being a SAHM as you would any other job and it’s a job you should take pride in and be proud of. You also should work on certain skill sets as a SAHM. You need time management, self motivation, multitasking, patience and organization skills. There should be no reason why your husband works all day to come and work too. When I say come home and work, I do not mean that he gets to shrug his parental duties because that is not okay. You could work 12 hours a day, but you still have to come home and be a dad/parent. For me personally; my husband pays for EVERYTHING, he takes care of us and me and he isn’t selfish, nor does he throw it in my face that he is the sole provider. He treats me with the same respect I treat him and when he asks me what I did all day, it’s because he genuinely wants to know how things went; that being said. Maybe my viewpoint is a little skewed because of how he treats me, but I don’t feel my husband should have to come home to a messy house because I couldn’t manage my time or my kids better. I have a schedule that I stick to during the day so that when 5:30 rolls around, I have the kids setting the table for dinner, they start washing up dad gets home about 5:45, and we all sit down to eat at 6. Dad does dad things with the kids while I clean up dinner/dishes. This opens our relationship up for a more time together as parents and as husband and wife. It just works for our family.
Mine works full time in the coal mines which is an awful job but if I need him to help me with something he will without me having to ask. He doesn’t cook but he will help me with cleaning the house & does laundry.
My husband doesn’t even clean up after himself let alone lift a finger in the household… He’s a dirty slob of a pig that is worse than my kids. And I bring in plenty of money to our household. But he makes a shit ton of money working a labor intensive job. So I just do everything all day and all night and have stopped even asking him to take the trash out because it always started a fight and he never did it anyway. I get to choose days where I don’t have to do anything though. If I’m tired I can just stay in bed watching Netflix if I want. And he NEVER complains about the house or dinner if I don’t clean one day. He doesn’t care what I do it don’t do. Do I wish he would at least clean up his own dinner plate and clothes and shower towels? Do I wish he would take the trash out in the morning on his way past the can to leave for work? Yes, of course. But he doesn’t do a damn thing. Not even put his clean folded clothes in his dresser. Lol. So yeah I’ve come to terms with that after over 7 years. For the first time in 13 years all my kids are in school during the day and it feels like a reward to have all day to myself. My husband works hard as hell to make that possible. My job is home. It’s way harder with kids home. It used to burn me out when the kids were home with me all day for 13 years straight. So I understand. Our day doesn’t end when our man gets home. We don’t get to sleep in or relax after work or on the weekends. We still have to deal with kids, dinner, dishes, homework, baths, entertaining kids, bedtime routines, and then cleaning up after they go to bed, do husband’s lunch and laundry. Yes we work all day and night and it sucks and it’s lonely and it’s hard. We don’t have any freedom or appreciation and feel like slaves in our homes. Buy i feel it’s a blessing to be able to raise my own kids and nit have to put them in daycare while they are little. Once they get in school you’ll have your freedom. You’ll be able to get a job you like or pursue any education or career you’d like. You’ll be able to have a clean house that is easier to keep that way, and make dinner and food without kids up your butt or messing up right behind you. As long as your husband doesn’t complain about the house or mess than just roll with it. If he’s not understanding however that is a problem. Do I do it all? Yes, I have for over 14 years through 2 relationships. Do I love it? No. Will he ever change probably not. Does it get easier? Yes. Find support with friends. If he works hard so you can stay home and raise the kids, and doesn’t force you to clean or cook when you don’t feel like it then you got a good thing going. If you need help ask him.
When I was a stay at home mom. I did the dishes and laundry and cleaning. I also had dinner ready when he got home. After dinner he would get the kiddos ready for a bath and bed and help put dinner up. He would also do the sweeping and mopping on the weekend.
My hubby does the cooking and works, I do everything else but he also helps with kiddos constantly. When I am feeling well I will cook.
Then you should pay half the bills if that’s how you feel. Duuuuhhhhh
My hubby works 60 plus hours a week then works most Saturday and Sunday mornings. I’m a sahm, but he loves to grocery shop and he will wash laundry and he runs our kids to school and practices! He’s the best. Sat and Sun he just needs a nap and I’m okay with that
Yep. He did and always will. I hate guys that don’t help. That’s their kids too, and they live there too… it’s NOT your job, even as a SAHM, to do EVERYTHING.
I do all laundry, cleaning, household budgets, etc, but my husband insists on doing everything that involves heavy lifting, anything that involves getting dirty and all outside work. If I’m ever sick, he does housework, too. He also helps with the kids. I consider the house to be my job, just as he has his job during the day. I also have to add, my husband doesn’t create extra work. He doesn’t leave his clothes on the floor etc.
I think what works in 1 relationship doesn’t always work in another. No judgement. What works in my household is I homeschool and do most of the cleaning. He help a little with cleaning and cooking is mostly him. I feel like I’m working while he is. We are BOTH parents and this is BOTH our home. So he should help when he is home.
My husband does whatever I need help with. He has been at home with the kids on weekends and can’t figure out how I do it! He comes home and cooks dinner or if I’ve done it he’s vacuuming and straightening up. Leave a guy with the kids a few days and he will see what it’s like “staying” home
I’m a stay at home mom going to school full-time he does help though mostly on weekends but he definitely fills in whenever he can. He also works 40+ hours so I try by best to make life easier for him when he is home
I’m a sahm and my husband and I split everything 50/50 when he’s home and on weekends. I do housework etc throughout the day but we both agree my primary job is raising and taking care of our children so if I don’t get the dishes done or laundry put away or whatever then oh well one of us does it when he’s off work.
I do plan the meals and make the grocery list but we usually go to the store together on the weekends or I go by myself and he stays with our kids. I don’t call what he does helping, it’s just living. We both live in our home and both made our kids, so when he’s here all of those things are both of our job.
I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost a year now while my husband has been deployed but when he does come home for a short visit every other month he will definitely help. Trash dishes laundry, getting up with our toddler if she gets up in the night, anything I need. Even when he wasn’t deployed and we both worked he helped out just as much
It’s not “helping with housework”, it’s maintaining the home your SO also lives in. It’s not “helping with the kids” or “babysitting”, it’s parenting.
My husband works 72 hours a week, plus a 2 hour drive time a day and still helps when he’s home. It’s disgusting reading these comments of the women thinking they’re men don’t need to help at all stay at home moms don’t get to clock, ever. So we’re just supposed to work literally 24/7?
I was a stay at home mom when the kids were young.
My husband did fulltime and even overtime some weeks.
I considered the hs. My job.
So I did the cleaning and all of it. My husband helped with the kids and did yard stuff and trash. If a man or women is doing 8 hr or more days. Helps with the kids. they shouldn’t have to then come home and clean an do alot. I mean you don’t go and help do his job so in the time he’s at work . There’s no real excuse to not have to majority of it done . By the time he gets home. I have 4 kids when I went back to work they were 2,4,5,6 . But before that I was a sty at home mom.
So I have always worked and part of the deal when we made our last move was that I stop working. I took on the house, kids and making his life easier…. Bc that’s my job and it’s a mindset I took up myself. He will help out occasionally. Not that I started working part time, just to get out the house, he’s told the kids they need to pick up after themselves or he’ll straighten up if he gets home first. Occasionally he’ll help out around the house on days he’s off… and the yard is all him. He also provides a very comfortable lifestyle and works 80 hrs a week, misses a lot of the kids activities.
So long story short, running the household is your job. He’s going to work, providing for you and your kid and actually being a dad and helping you with the kid… this is his contribution to the household. Cleaning, shopping, paying bills and making sure your household is going smoothly in general is your contribution to the household. The way your household is set up, that’s 50/50.
When I was a stay at home mom I did all the cooking cleaning shopping etc etc. He worked 60+hours a week. He always helped with the kids when he got home and he always took care of the yard work. But ya the cleaning cooking laundry shopping etc all me all the time he would help out on weekends but I didn’t expect it cuz he always had yard work and then spending time with the kids &me. I felt like it was 50/50 in my relationship and I didn’t feel like any one of us did more than the other he always contributed on a daily basis with anything that had to do with the children but the house and all that, that entails solely my responsibility as the stay at home mom and I didn’t expect it to be anyother way. the man worked 60 plus hours a week and took care of the yard work on the weekends along with the time he spent with me and the kids when he got off work during the week plus whatever we had going on on the weekends the man had very little time for himself and I didn’t try to add to it by making him help me with the house he did enough. More than his fair share
Mine does the washing up as he knows it hurts my back standing that long, he tries mopping but I do it when he’s at work cos I feel bad otherwise he helps so much when he’s here already
Me & my husband don’t “help” with housework, kids, etc. we both just do what needs to be done.
I am a SAHM but I have a job & bring income as well as being the primary home parent, my husband works long hours outside of the home, So when he’s working all cleaning, cooking, etc is done by the time he gets home.
He would just never laze around & not take care of his kids or home.
my husband helps with everything except cooking cause he doesn’t know how to cook.
I work and I still do 99% of all of it and quite frankly I’m sick of it.
When I stayed at home yes he did.
I’m a SAHM and we split on my good days. On my bad days he’s Superman.
He would if I asked him to help but I dont ask him to help. He already works from 6-6 with a 45 minute drive 1 way.
If I was a SAHM I wouldn’t expect him to do a single minute of cleaning.
He helps when he’s home, I tell him not to but he says he has to lol.
Do you help financially?
If he is the only one making money to provide for everything and everyone and you stay home , most of the responsibilities should be yours , and I said most NOT ALL , he should help with whatever that has to be done if you didn’t have the time , or help with the kids while you are cooking for example but it’s unfair ( at least for me ) for the one who is working outside to go get home to cook , clean do laundry and take care of the kids when the other one was at home the whole day .
Most of the time the parent that stay home do not organize their time and do not have a set routine for the kids and this make everything harder .
Im taking both ways , if the woman work and the husband stay home it’s the same .
And do not get to me with your blah blah blah excuses. Because most single moms have full time works and get home to cook , clean , do laundry , homework, take care of the kids etc . And they are not on social media complaining.
If you’re a full time sahp then that’s your job. You do the housework , childcare etc while your partner works outside the home.
That doesn’t mean they get to do nothing though…they should want to spend quality time with their children when they get home giving you an hour to yourself before the kids go to bed meaning you then can spend quality adult time with your partner.
I do it all, while making money where I can. We also agreed, before having kids, that this is what we were going to do. He does help when I need it. He also understands that if he’s not happy with something not being done, to step up and step in. When I’m sick or can’t do something or down he knows he has to do it all. He does his best
I work about 58 hrs a week and also don’t expect my hubby to clean or cook … He will help if I ask or if he thinks I’m having a rough day (sick ,extra tired)… It’s one thing I like to do for him each day to show my love… He is in charge of outdoor chores, though I will/can do them if need be! We have two tween boys.