No but I’ve just excepted it. He cooks sometimes. Takes the kids to the park for me to nap sometimes but other than that I do pretty much everything. I don’t expect him to help me clean he has his job I have mine. Meaning I’m taking care of our home. While he provides for it. I grew up in a not so clean environment so I try to make it so my kids and him come home to a clean house. I wish he wouldn’t leave his crap everywhere and it’s obviously frustrating at times but I try to just do it myself because I feel like I’m here all day and if someone comes over they like judging me or something. So I try to keep it clean. I do have a toddler and 8 year old but overall I do it all. Except bring in the money.oh and the yard work he does all that too.
Stay at home mom, full time online student. My husband will work any where from 40-80 hours a week he is an airplane mechanic and a lead so he always gets called in or has to go to another state. My husband will do stuff if I ask him but with 3 soon to be 4 kids our house can’t be expected to be perfect. I do all the appointments, running, on his days off he does go to the grocery store.he helps where he can and when I ask but I don’t expect him to.
Nope and I totally get where you’re coming from. When I was stay at home, my hubby didn’t really do anything either. I mean he’d do little things but overall I did the most. But now that I’m pregnant I had to get a job so we’re going back to US doing 50/50.
SHM here for 23 years…yes, i do the cooking, cleaning…dishes, get the kids up for school, take them, pick them up, homework…(he helps)
grocery shopping, for the most part….he will always call and ask on his way home if i need anything…if i do, he’s happy to stop and grab it…he does some laundry…he also helps on weekends…he cleans carpets, helps clean bathrooms…etc…and he does all outside stuff…not that i can’t or won’t…he just likes it!
I’d love to be a stay at home mom, and just be responsible for all of the house hold duties! Unfortunately, I have to work a full time job, and still do most of the house duties. Lol
Um no. I’m a stay at home MOM. Not a stay at home MAID. My job is JUST as important taking care of my kids as his job is. If not more so technically bc hello…keeping a human or 3 alive plus teaching them is a job all its own and you’re “on clock” 24/7 not just 8 to 10 hours a day.
As a stay at home mother, your first and main priority is your kids. If you have time then sure do the housework you can. Taking care of a house is the job of the PEOPLE that bought/rent it. Together. Period. It takes effort on both parts as PARTNERS to make a house a home. And as loving partners, you pick up where the other lacked for the day. Whether it just be one simple task like taking out the garbage or a bigger/more than one task such as switching out the laundry, vacuuming, then unloading the dishwasher for the next load. Partners are supposed to balance eachother out. And this answer? Brought to you by my husband. As for me? Well, I COULDNT agree more.
My husband works full time plus extra and I’m a stay at home mum and i do the majority of the cooking and cleaning but he does pitch in and do things that need doing as well. I just do more coz I’m the one home everyday, which makes sense to us
I do it all even yard work most of the time
Well my husband works all day so that we can actually survive. It’s my job to take care of all the housework, I don’t expect him to do anything except take out the trash
He works full-time and does help out when need he cleans the bathroom helps with laundry and dishes he home on weekends.i also work but just couple hrs during school year at school and off during summer.
I stayed home for almost 4 years. I did most housework, but my husband has always helped with child care & if he saw I was running behind or not feeling well he picked up my slack. However, I did not expect him to help around the house considering he worked a military job & civilian. Now that we both work, we have a list of chores we both complete weekly. Sometimes I do some of his if he’s had a long week and he does the same for me.
I was a stay at home mom and my husband helped tremendously with kids, house and errands
I don’t expect or really ask my husband to help around the house. His focus when coming home from work should be the children then st night time we relax together.
I’m a SAHM of 7 + pregnant, I’m 18 weeks + 4 and have a pinched nerve for reference (I came into the relationship with 4 and he came in with 3) but even before the pregnancy he ALWAYS helped, especially if I didn’t feel well. I still have that old fashioned view to a certain point. If he’s gonna go out and bust his ass every day to allow me to stay home with our kids he deserves to come home to a hot meal and a clean house. As for the kiddos your husband should help as much as he can imo. He helped make them and it’s also his job to help raise them, be involved and to help them feel loved and wanted by BOTH parents not just one. If you were to go out and work every day it would still be your job to ensure the kiddos are taken care of whether you feel like it or not, same for him.
This is just my opinion and what works for our family. And to be honest before he came along even with my ex-husband I didn’t know what it was like to have help not just with the kids but also around the house, that is until he came along. It’s hard for me to accept help with the daily duties of the household but he just looks at me and says “you’ll have to get over it and used to it, I’m not like the past ones you were with”.
I’m a full time SAHM and have been for years. My husband works full time. He cooks on his nights off if he feels like it because he enjoys cooking. He mows the lawn when needed. Other than that I do all of the house work. Our kids are older and we hang out with them but they don’t need tending to too much from either of us.
I do 1000000000000%. Just had my 2nd and I gotta say he helps alot more! Tons more. I’m still doing major cleaning n cooking but he will clean up after I go to bed. Put toys away etc. He busts his ass at work to support us. I dnt expect him to do all the home shit after all that.
My husband works 50 plus hours a week hard labor job mostly in the heat. I don’t expect that at all from him! I do all the house work shopping and cleaning he will help if having something special at our house and takes care of anything and Everything outside (I used to help with that too) till I have gotten to dang old but he does ask if I need any help a lot but he won’t do it how I do lol so I just do it my self
I’m a stay at home mom of 5 plus I take care of my father in-law.I don’t expect my husband to help.
Of course he’s the parent too and a member of the our unit. Everyone should help their family unit. Whether they make a paycheck or not.
My partner would still help but I think when they’re working you should be able to achieve most things before their home. He would do the dishes after dinner and play with the kids. There wasn’t anything else needing to be done. He takes care of the outdoors/lawns ect but otherwise no, I think if your home even with the children, you should be able to complete the house work
If you are a stay at home mom and he works full time and helps with kids why are you expecting him to do inside house chores, other than repairs and cutting yard. You cannot have it both ways or even close to 50/50 if you are not working and providing monies for the family.
It’s laziness and entitlement… not a fan!
Hubby is a sahd i help him lol.
When I worked from home watching mine and my friends kids my husband helped
we both work full time. he does outside chores and I do the rest, including the child coz its not his even tho he still finacially supports. Its hard work I know best thing to do is cook mean dinners and have some good sex. Honestly youl thank me for it.
I mean he’s working all day and I don’t expect him to help when he comes home. If I need help with something, I just simply ask.
If you’re working (at the home caring for children, cooking and cleaning and managing the household) 24/7 but he works 40 hours a week how is that 50/50? Him working is not that special, whether he had a family or not he would need to work to provide for himself. He chose to have kids and part of raising kids is that it includes more than just the financial aspect.
He should absolutely be pulling his fair share around the home.
I don’t expect a thing from my husband except to help with the kids once he’s home. He is gone 13hrs a day working out door in the heat of Las Vegas. But,with that being said, he is always doing what he can to help around the house including cooking and grocery shopping without me asking him to.
Some of these comments are ridiculous and rude. SAHM and my husband helps a ton. If we were to make a tally of the mental AND physical load of an actual SAHM it would not be even if he never helped with a single thing. If you priced out how much it would cost someone to pay for the things we are talking about (childcare, cooking, cleaning, car service and so on) it would cost way more than my husbands salary to have these things done as constantly as they are. To each their own though!
We have 9 kids. 6 are still in the home (3 years to 15) i do everything during the day . When he comes home we split whatever work needs done and he helps with kids . If i worked full time, we would have to have a nanny and maid. Stay at home parenting is a lot of work . He recognizes that and we respect each other enough to help with OUR home and OUR kids.
Everyone saying “if he works all day he doesn’t need to help” FFS what is wrong with you?
Listen, he works 40-50 hrs a week… great… but does a SAHM get to punch out? Are YOU “off the clock” ever? No?
Does your husband live there? Wear clothes? Eat? Shit and shower? Yeah? Then he can help.
Yes, as a sahm you do most of the housework but a real man realizes that its HARD to manage a home and family and is part of a TEAM.
Certainly he can clean the kitchen up after supper while mom bathes the kids (or visa-versa) or fold his clothes out of the dryer or run the vacuum etc. Is he mentally or physically incapable?
Does he get a day off of his job? Don you?
Its 2022. I’m sick of this argument.
Help with the kids I would say yes. Somehow I work 50+ hrs a week and still manage to have a clean house and children attended to EVERY day.
Relationships aren’t DIVIDED 50/50. Thats Divorce. Relationships are 100/100. That means when he come home he’s not supposed to just QUIT. You took care of the SAME HOURS while he is at work. When he comes home. You BOTH should still be parents. There is no TURNING OFF.
I do everything. He’ll whinge that somethings not up to scratch, washings not put away or something to which I’ll reply “You’re welcome to help me do it.” He shuts up pretty quickly
My partner stays home
I help on day off and evenings
You need to be able to clock out too
If he ain’t working then of course
No Lol Only on his days off cause he cause he works all day plus sometimes he does overtime his tired all he wants to do is relax and chill
Being a stay at home mom is my job…that’s what I contribute to our family.
In my house, my husband works and I do everything else. It works for us. I clean, cook, laundry, sports, shopping, drs app, homeschooling the 2 youngest, taking the oldest to school etc.
I feel sorry for a lot of y’all😕 husbands should definitely be helping their wives at home, whether you’re a sahm or not.
My husband and I get it all done. It’s a part of life. I don’t clean and cook because I’m the wife. We do what needs to be done because we don’t want a messy house and we want to eat. We take care of our children like we’re suppose to do.
Mine and I do equal amounts of cooking, cleaning and above. There are days I have flare ups from my autoimmune disease and he takes over without blinking an eye about it.
I do most cooking. Husband does own laundry, he will sometimes do dishes/clean the kitchen and sweep. Mostly he nags about how dirty the house is😬
I do the lions share of things, and my husband will help after much persistence from me. But he rarely takes the initiative to do it on his own. It’s highly frustrating, it still leaves 100% of the mental load on me to make sure my child has/gets what he needs and I have/get what I need for the day and that all the things are taken care of. It’s exhausting and it is not 50/50. He gets to come home from work and he’s not at work (for the most part). He gets to play with the kid and do kinda whatever he wants. There is no go home for the stay at home parent. There is just the ever evolving list of things that has to be done.
Go back to work then for as many hours as your husband and then split the household responsibilities 50/50.
Yep, I’m his wife not his Mother. He works during the day, I take care of the house & kids while he’s working. When he comes home, he helps. It also helps that we enjoy cooking together & that on the days he’s tired I pick up the slack. He does the same for me. & We do our own laundry.
My husband helps with cooking cleaning and the children. He has a full time job. He making money isn’t contributing to being a father. Kids have emotional needs. And are still learning. Father’s are just as important as mother’s. And they should be doing every thing the mother does too. You must be burnt tf out.
Do you go to his job and help him? Staying home is your job. He helps with the kids and that’s the 50/50
I see a lot of women who need new husbands Goodness gracious.
He pays the bills, buys the food, and works hard so that I could always be home with the boys. I’m sure many times he helped and would do anything I asked but I always felt like what time he was off was his. Side note he rarely clocked under 100 hours weekly, (more than 2 jobs worth). Had he been 9 to 5 and had a simple job I may have expected more, I was just happy if he came home and could stay awake and give the boys some dad time, which he always tried to
I don’t make my partner do anything, if he wants to help he can but I’m very particular about things, he does help with our kids coz we have 3 little boys who drain the life out of me and partner works from 6-6
You have the LUXURY of being a stay at
Home mom, he gets up and works hard to provide enough money take care of all of y’all, and it isn’t cheap these days. I work full time and have three kids, a single mom so I do everything. Cook clean work and make sure kids are taken care of. The fact that you even consider complaining about is crazy to me. Those are his kids too and he does need to spend time with them but the keeping up with house and cooking should be your job.
I run a business from home and the answer is no they don’t do much
Marg you make me tired!! Love you.
My husband is the stay at home parent and I work
he’s making the money. i’m taking care of home. no reason he should work 12+ hours then come home & have to clean or cook…
If you help pay the bills it’s fair for him to help you in the house. Everything 50 50
I disagree with a lot of these post. He lives there too. They are his kids, dishes, laundry etc. being at stay home mom is hard. You are isolated, there is no clocking in and out, etc…
He can help even doing the dishes a couple times a week helps, a load of laundry.
Oh my lanta. I must have an odd husband out of the bunch. I’m a stay at home mom. He works full time. Yet does so much around the house, sometimes he probably pulls off more housework than I do. He even cooks dinner sometimes! I mean, I do most of the cooking. But if there’s a night I don’t feel like it, he will. (Even after working all day) and the amount of help I get with the kids?! Tremendous! One of them isn’t even his!
The comments to this post are scary. Basic household chores are literally required from everyone to provide a healthy home. And everyone needs to eat. So what? Because I have a vagina, It’s a requirement for me to do the cooking? Uhm, no. My job isn’t any more easier than his. And his actually pays. So
Yes my hubby helps. I worked at times over the years, but mostly stayed home with my kids. While I did more errands, housekeeping, cooking, and laundry…he still helped out too with all those things. Even when he used to put in 7 days a week 12 hour days for a total of 84 hours. I didn’t expect him to, especially when he worked all that overtime, but he still pitched in if needed. Now the kids have been grown for some time and I last worked outside the home 5 years ago. But he still helps, in fact…we do most of it together. He’s pretty awesome like that.
I love all these responses about sharing responsibilities. Regardless of who works and who stays home, both live in the house and made the kids . Teaching their kids that domestic duties should be shared is
Many stay at hone parents juggle appointments for kids, extra curricular activities for the kids, and everything else that needs done while the bread winner is at work. A stay at home parents contribution has a value. Both parents deserve down time daily.
I’m confused at all these people saying he works he don’t need to work when he gets home. Do you sit on ur butt while he is at work? I’m just curious, being a a parent is a 24/7 job. No breaks, no holidays, no weekends. NO PAY. The man leaves the house, works, and comes home. As a mother you stay home, usually work, and stay home some more. I feel that each partner does a fair share of work during the day. Splitting what’s left at the end of the day should be fair.
You are joking right? I swear some of these stay at home moms really think they should be doing close to nothing.
There is no such thing as 50/50 in marriage. Especially with one person working outside the home and being the sole provider financially, and the other working in the home and caring for the children. It’s an all or nothing deal.
If you want more balance in your marriage I suggest you start with a part time job and then your partner will need to do more at home.
I was a stay at home mom.
I did everything and my husband helped with the kids. He also washed the car and mowed the lawn.
Considered myself blessed. So should you.
I wouldn’t think 50 50 should be expected.
Ask for help or hire help.
When I was a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids and my husband was working full time I never expected him to come home and help me do chores. I had all that done before he got home so we could have family time and not have to worry about cleaning. He would help if I asked but I’m very rarely asked. Mainly because I had 8 hours A-day to get it done, while he was working.
Absolutely not. My husband and I were going through something similar the other day. He just couldn’t understand why I needed him to clean the house when he worked 52 hours in six days and I had worked literally more than 115 hours per week for two solid weeks with no days off. I was working 16-20 hours a day. I could barely function the second week and he thought I should still clean the house. I did eventually win that fight.
I’ve been a SAHM, have worked part time and full time. Never got help with anything. My household workload was always the same no matter how much I worked outside the home.
No my partner works long hours on the farm so I do all the house stuff since I’m a stay at home mum but once I’m back at work it would be 50/50 we’ve already talked about it but of now just me and yes it does piss me off sometimes drives me crazy doing it all but then I think about how hard he works but that’s just me
Not with housework but children yes
I’m a SAHM & my husband helps me cook, clean, bathe/feed/take care of our kids… he even washes my car, gasses it & takes loads off my plate. I’ve never had to ask him, he just does it. I’m well aware that I’m incredibly lucky… but being the MAN of the family… he should wanna be present. Providing financially is one thing… but being an active part of the family is everything. Not saying that helping me proves he’s a family man, but helping me get things done gives us more time to sit together as a family & enjoy our kids together. If he was tired from work, I don’t expect him to contribute… & if I had a rough day, he would pick up the slack. Its about compromise and understanding. If we’re both beat, we order out & call it a day… lol
I would consider it 50/50 when he hands me over 50% of his paycheck!
I’m a stay at work Husband
My husband is a truck driver so I’m the only option when it comes to daily stuff to keep the house in order because he not home so
Im a stay at home mom, and i baby sit a few times a week. My husband works full time. I always cook dinner, and mostly do dishes but my husband will do them if i need help. He does his own laundry which is a huge help to me. On the weekend we take turns getting up with the kids, i get up with the saturday and he sleeps in and he gets up with them on sunday and i sleep in. Whoever gets up on the weekend makes breakfast and does dishes. But this is after 5 years of talking about what we needed and working on helping eachother more.
My husband household responsibilities are less but he does things and if he’s home he helps. We had set things We decided that worked for us. He does things like trash, the yard, his own laundry… I in turn am responsible for the house things. My kids are older and homeschooled so they are responsible for their areas.
If you’re a stay at home mom you do everything and u don’t have a day off whereas the husband comes home relaxes I think a woman a mom should have a time off to herself A mom needs to recharge in peace. There is where dad can spend time with kids
I’m a SAHM of 2. My husband works from home. I do the teaching (we homeschool) and on his breaks he comes out to help and be with them. I do the majority of the housework. Some days he wants to cook dinner when he gets off and he helps at the end of the night with baths and putting them to bed. I don’t ask him to do anything, he usually just does but I also understand he’s working 40+ hours. I say just find a routine that fits ur family the best
I can’t say much about the cleaning. I ask my husband just to throw trash away, put dishes in the sink & rinse them off when he’s done. But he stayed up all night cleaning & organizing & threw laundry in to wash & dry before I even woke up. He typically doesn’t because he works a pretty long day at a laboring job, nor would I ask him to do that much. But he helps with our monkey children too plus, he’s bringing the money home which pays for everything to work, so I call it close to even
One of those topics that nobody thinks of discussing BEFORE the commitment!
If he does the yard work and takes care of the cars puts his laundry in the hamper and puts his toothbrush and shaving stuff away you are a lucky lady
No not at all with anything. He says if i sont have to worry about money they he shouldnt have to worry about the house or kids
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All I ever asked for after working a 12 hour shift was to be able to have a shower. After that it did not matter to me if it was help with thkids or dishes or laundry.
I took care of the house, kids and the yard. My spouse worked outside the home and took care of the car and bills. It worked for us!
I did it all myself. I was home so I saw no need in him helping me. Now that I’ve got some issues going on he comes in and helps me on what I couldn’t finish.
After 40 years of marriage I can say it is hard work on both partners and each family needs to figure out what works best for them and not criticize how another family supports each other.
Mine does. He does baths for our 1 year old son and gets the kids in bed. He mows the lawn as well as our almost 11 year old son. He also will help in the kitchen and family room. I’m not a stay at home mom but I work at night so I’m home all day