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QUESTION:
"I feel like the root of my behavior comes from my dysfunctional family, abandonment/neglect during my childhood. Im aware that I am 100% responsible for my actions. But I feel this may be the reason for the following. In high school I had a boyfriend who i loved sooo much, due to my unstable living situation we couldn’t see each other often. We broke up because he had gotten someone pregnant. Since then I began a very rebellious phase. Ditching school, ran away from home, drinking and smoking etc. Eventually I met someone who helped me out of all that. He encouraged me to finish school and work etc. Got married at 19 and now have 2 kids together. After 13 years we have had soo many ups and downs. I have no doubt we love each other. We both just have very strong personalities. Last year he broke my heart. I found him sexting someone. He agreed to stop and unlocked his phone so I can have access at any time and has made a great effort to amend his mistake. But when I found this out I went and messaged that ex from HS, out of spite. I found out he never got someone pregnant. It was just a rumor. His sister had a friend move in because when she got pregnant they kicked her out. He said he looked for me to clarify what happened but I had moved foster homes. He’s now in another state, married and all. We both agree that’s probably a good thing because if we lived close we’d be seeing each other. I'm happy, I see my husband and I love him. I can’t see myself loosing him. But I also have this need to talk to my ex. We dwell on the past. Our conversations can last forever. I just dont know how to stop myself. I tried blocking him for a while. Keep myself busy but one of us always gives in and calls. Please don’t judge me."
RELATED: How Do I Tell a Woman I Don’t Know Her Husband Is Cheating… With My Mom?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"Block and change your phone number. Don’t go through with it. He may just say things he knows you like because he’s unhappy."
"It’s really simple. If you’re not 100 percent happy with your husband, break it off until you can figure out what you want. 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Cheating is cheating. And you don’t want to be the one left with a guilty conscience"
"Remember how shitty you felt when you found your husband talking to someone else… your going to be the cause of that to him … 2 wrongs don’t make it right… you need to cut it out the past it the past and things happened the way they did for a reason"
"Have you considered counseling? Not so much for your marriage but for yourself? Maybe healing the unresolved trauma from your past will help, and keep you from feeling the need to return to those past feelings. I’ve learned the hard way that until we deal with the baggage from our past, we carry it into every relationship. I hope this helps and sending hugs your way."
"You need to focus on your marriage and your husband. If you plan to talk to this guy, you should talk to your husband about it first. See what he has to say about it and give him some options in this as well since you are married to him. As well ask yourself how you’d feel if your husband talked to an old high school flame. There might lay all your answers."
"First you gotta delete and block him. Get counseling. There is a book called obsessive love it really helped me. Weigh it up against what you have now, your ex is your ex for a reason, is he worth jeopardizing what you have now, you are self-sabotaging mama"
"Delete his number and block him on all social media. Say goodbye and then be done. If you are in a healthy relationship, what you are doing with your ex is going to poison it. You need to be present in your marriage or walk away from it."
"Dude. You’re old enough to know this isn’t going to end well. You’ve already said you don’t want to lose your husband. You chose to stay after he fkd up, but if that’s too much, go. Don’t keep playing games because you WILL get hurt. Not to mention someone else damn sure will, too."
"BLOCK no matter what because you are a married woman and he is a married man. You got upset about your husband messaging another woman but you are doing the same to your ex’s wife, think about that…"
"I won’t judge you, but you need to reflect on your behavior. Trauma does not give you the right to act inappropriately. Get yourself together before you damage your relationship with your husband. Block him ffs."
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