I'm being rejected

Many months ago I gave birth to my first child. While I was pregnant my husband out of nowhere stopped wanting to have sex with me. I figured it was just because my bump was so big. Fast forward to now. I haven't lost any of the baby weight which already causes me to have low self-esteem(I found out I have a thyroid issue which could be part of the problem) but I still want to be intimate with my husband. Well every time I try to he rejects me. Every time it just hurts me so much. So finally I asked him point blank why he doesn't want to have sex with me. The only way he will is if it's in the shower where he doesn't have to pay attention to how my body looks.. He kept telling me he doesn't know why...well I asked him point blank if my body was the problem. He basically said that yes my body is the problem and the only way he will be attracted to me or want to have sex with me is if I lose weight..I was completely crushed. My self-esteem was destroyed...I can't even bear to look at myself anymore. He knows how much he hurt me and said he would try to change and make me a priority again but so far there has been no change. I'm heart broken. I desire the intimacy with him but he doesn't seem to want the same thing. I just keep asking myself, "Shouldn't your husband love you and make you feel wanted no matter how your body looks?" I'm so scared that I won't be able to lose the weight..or that if I do he will still hate my body because it changed so much since I got pregnant...does anyone have any advice? What can I do to help him find me more attractive?
519 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm being rejected

You can’t do anything to help him find you more attractive. That’s a him issue , not you. Be confident in yourself and your body. Love yourself

14 Likes

Girl screw him.If he cant love you at your worse,then he doesn’t deserve you at your best.

20 Likes

Lose weight under your doctors guidance.

1 Like

Ditch the prick, and work on you FOR YOU. The right man will love you, no matter what!! I met my husband at the end of a marriage and was very heavy and had so much baggage… it never mattered. I’ve learned to let the past go and love myself and the pounds fell off. Good luck Mama!

He loved u before he is a jerk throw the whole man away

3 Likes

Why would anyone want to be with someone that only loves them when they look good ? That’s not love ! That’s lust and you can find someone for lust anywhere. Respect yourself more. Keep higher values and morals. Find someone that loves you even if your overweight.

13 Likes

Girl, stop letting these boys playing grown up make you feel any type of way. He’s a punk. Go get you straight & find a real man who will love you at your best & at your worst. You deserve everything you want & need.

3 Likes

Lose that bastard. He is an asshole.
Work on your emotional state and then you will be able to do what you want for you, your body and your kid.

That’s immature and sounds like he needs to grow up. Your body changes after having a baby and the only way I’d say loose weight is for YOU not him. He sounds selfish.

4 Likes

Listen girl from one mom body to another. In my young years i had a hot body for sure THEN after 3 kids before 25 that changed. I never got that body back . Its all about you feeling ok you have to love you. Remember that body he finds unattractive was the lifeline and home for his baby to grow . You grew a human, a real person came from that body… your body is beautiful…

12 Likes

He doesn’t love you, he wants you to be what he wants, id kick him to the curb,

2 Likes

Nope thats not how it works! He should still love you regardless (a real man would) you will lose the weight! Now you know its your thyroid and you now now where to go from there. Screw him! And once you do lose the weight, you will resent him and want nothing to do with him.

He is no man… he a boy, who also has ZERO respect or understanding of women. He also probably has no real and pure love for you. Sorry if it’s too blunt, but it’s the truth. If he truly loved you he would love and cherish every inch of your body, and even more so after you brought him a child into this world.
I personally had to experience this, and it is the worst feeling in the world. Please do yourself the favor and leave this child before it gets worse. He’ll most likely never change.

1 Like

That is not how a true man would act. My weight has fluctuated since having kids. I still struggle with confidence in my body but my husband has always been super supportive and loves me for me not my body. Do not settle for less than your worth!

4 Likes

He’s doing you wrong

1 Like

You definitely need to lose the extra weight asap! Drop HIM, he’s the dead weight. He’s not good enough for you sis

26 Likes

You gave birth to his child. That’s beauty. If he doesn’t see it, it’s his problem. If he loves you, he wouldnt treat you that way because of your weight. I have self esteem issue with my weight, have had 3 kids, and I’m 32 weeks pregnant with twins. Even without the twin pregnancy I’m at my top for weight in life so far. My husband still has no problem with it. Tells me you’ve had kids, your a mom, and that’s a beautiful thing.

Divorce him. Revenge lose weight ( that’s the best kind lol) and find a man who loves you for you and not how much you weigh.

14 Likes

That’s not a real man a real man realizes when you have kids your body changes your not going to have the body you had in your early twenties but that doesn’t mean you can’t loose the weight.

Your husband should definitely still love you and want to be intimate no matter what your body looks like… You’ve just had his kid too, so he relly needs to grow up and realise what our bodies go through!

You deserve better, and he needs to man up and support you

Also dont be so hard on yourself, you made a whole person! Thats incredible, and your worth is not reliant on your body size… You’re amazing and strong and your body has gone through hell so love it for all its given you and show yourself grace… Enjoy your baby and all the special moments and don’t stress about the scale.

This is not about you this is about him. That’s little boy problems, because a man would love you for you no matter what

2 Likes

Lose a ton of weight by dropping him

10 Likes

If he truly loves the weight does not matter

1 Like

He’s a prick. You can do better

Let him go . You deserve to be happy . You are beautiful no matter what and if he really loved you he wouldnt say such an awful thing hun.hold your head high and be happy with the body you have .

Throw him in the trash! Leave him. He’s no gd for your self esteem and it’s gonna cause you to become depressed. Also join a small gym. I have a thyroid problem and I’m medicated. It’s hard to lose weight

If your only concern is if HE finds you attractive then lose the weight. BUT the only person who can make you self conscious or have low SELF esteem is you. That said, I have never known a man who didn’t want to have sex with their partner just because of some baby weight. Sounds like there is another issue.

Sounds to me like you need to ditch him! Even at my heaviest (280lbs!!!) my husband told me almost daily that I looked beautiful & not once has he ever turned down intimacy from me! I get that he might find you more attractive before, but if he loves you the extra weight won’t matter. I’m still big (214lbs), but I lost weight because I wanted to be healthier for our 2 boys, and I wanted to feel better about myself… not to be more attractive for my husband!

3 Likes

Leave him and wait til someone comes along tht wants u for u not how u look z

Sorry Hon, but his ass would be OUT THE DOOR, he’s supposed to love you UNCONDITIONALLY, if he can’t, that’s a deal breaker. Ask him how he’d feel if the tables were turned…

U leave him that’s how

1 Like

It’s a him problem. You aren’t the problem he is… he needs to fix himself.

The only weight you need to lose is him

8 Likes

You can leave.
He doesn’t deserve you.

1 Like

He’s that extra weight. Screw him.

3 Likes

Losing weight isn’t the problem here. You should always be the sexiest thing alive for your husband. He can’t break your spirit. He needs to sort out his issues. Now, if you believe you can work towards being more attractive, do it! He should be a motivator. That’s how the spark never dies. Baby steps each day, Lady! Claim your happiness! You’ve earned it. Love and honour your body. It gave life. That’s a real privilege not given to all. Take care.

2 Likes

My husband loved me and was very affectionate when I was heavier after having our child. He encouraged me to exercise or eat better (gently) but he never made me feel anything less than beautiful and loved. It’s not you girl, most of us go through it. It’s him. He’s shallow and gross. I would let him go and wait for the man who is meant for me.

1 Like

Why do you put all your self worth in a man??
You have self esteem issues because you are not uplifting yourself first . If you loved yourself you would not be crushed . If he wanted to love you unconditionally he would help motivate you and eat and exercise and go to the doctor with you and listen together on how to treat your condition and you should go yourself and listen to your doctor if this is true . If you do not love yourself first it will never happen . You married a boy and not a man . People stare at pictures of others and expect the same for them with no work involved spiritually and emotionally and physically. Fix you first and drop the dead weight which is him and go go get healthy for you and the child .

3 Likes

Throw the whole boy away!

1 Like

He helped create the body you have now!! He is a freaking g man child and I would not deal with him period. Do nothing for that man child at all. Feed yourself and your child ! Laundry etc the same.

2 Likes

Uhm, you should actually be asking yourself why are you still with that p.o.s… :woman_shrugging:

2 Likes

Don’t stress your mind and body because your baby can feel that. Live a healthy lifestyle for YOURSELF not him.

3 Likes

If it’s about the weight… drop the weight of him. Smh. Your body just brought life into this world… that’s pretty amazing. Shame on him.

7 Likes

Any man thay doesn’t like your body after you birthed their child is the problem not you

6 Likes

Leave him and drop the weight that’s him… if my husband ever did that we’d be done.

3 Likes

Ewww throw that little boy away ! You can lose 220lbs in dumping him . He’s ugly inside and out ! .

What a dick. You deserve someone who actually loves you. What he feels is not love.

Dont Change urself for Him do it for urself. no One SHOULD ever have to change for a man married or Not.

2 Likes

You lose the weight. You get your banging body back. But then this part is really important…when he decides you’re good enough again, you reject him.
You’ll have so much confidence, you’ll realize you don’t need that in your life.

9 Likes

My wife’s baby weight and c section scar only made her more attractive to me. Reminded me of the sacrifice she had made for our family. It doesn’t sound like your man actually loves you more then physically.

18 Likes

U gave him a baby …he should love you more for that. I bet he’s not perfect…love your self love your baby .he’s not the only man in the world. Hugges

1 Like

Throw the whole husband away

4 Likes

I mean would it hurt to Atleast try going to the gym for yourself not for him

4 Likes

It shouldn’t be about your body, he should feel that kind of attraction to YOU. Your personality, your mind, your soul. Who you really are doesn’t change with size. I’m so very sorry he’s hurt you this way, and regardless of what happens those hurtful words are going to be stuck with you. I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do, but remember you are amazing, your body created a child. Kids are worth every pound, every stretch mark, there’s no love like that of a mother and child :heart:

1 Like

Just throw the whole husband away.

4 Likes

First off, staying in an unhappy home wont make you happy. Pretending only gets so far. You need to ask yourself if you want to devote your love time energy into a man that doesnt love you unconditionally. His love is conditional to your body image. Staying with a toxic partner will only raise your kid to accept those behaviors. I was the mom who wanted to stay to keep her family together. It did me and my child more harm than good. Kick his ass to the curb work on yourself. Glow up. And make him eat his heart out!

Listen guys go through changes when a female is pregnant as well yes we get the physical changes and weight but what about them seeing there spouse go through the changes or even watching the child birth can be hard on them it’s not wrong for him to be open with his opinion that weight changed some sexual attraction not his love yes I say it’s problematic if he just wants your appearance and you to be skinny but also some advice maybe try to boost your confidence even if you can’t lose weight it can be a turn off if your constantly having low self esteem about yourself try and see if that can make a change I can say pregnancy can take a toll on couples if you really feel disrespected and like you can’t go back to normal in like a month then only you can make that decision to end things but I say maybe talk to him more about why the weight might bother him doesn’t make him a bad person for needing time to adjust to a new you it’s gonna take time for even you to be use to your new after pregnancy self at least try to work as a couple it’s not always just drop the guy as the only solution

2 Likes

You put on weight because you gave him a child. Everybody puts on weight during pregnancy & it’s the most beautiful thing ever because you’re creating another human being. If he literally can’t look past that & see how beautiful you really are, then leave his ass. He doesn’t deserve a woman.

1 Like

Sorry he’s being like this. He really needs to pull his head out of his ass and realize that NO ONE stays the same…with it without giving birth, we change as we grow older.

I woulda threw my shoe at him and told him to go stay somewhere else

1 Like

I know you don’t want to be a “failure” in your marriage, especially with a new baby but girlfriend, YOU are NOT a failure, he is failing as a husband and father. You need a BFF who will encourage you and have your back to be your best self. Stay strong and work on your life without him dragging you down.

You just had a baby and if he cannot understand or get past some extra body weight that says a lot about him as a person! I’m so sorry he is making you feel that way! It’s him that’s the problem not you.

2 Likes

You literally just had his baby, only a selfish child would see you as disgusting. Your body just created life. Your husband isn’t a man for seeing you as being unattractive. I bet you can lose weight fast, and that’s leaving him! That’s easily 150+lbs right off of you!

7 Likes

Sounds like a him problem and not a you problem. True love has nothing to do with the way the person looks. If he actually cared about you as a person, he would be looking for a ways to uplift you and motivate you to get healthy, not just his own selfish purposes. Thank you next.

First all that mess up….what kinda of man says that to any woman….sweetie you get yourself all set with goals n go after them n do for you not for anyone else. Also your amazing n don’t forget that

Girl giving birth is beautiful… the whole dang process! That included gaining weight, which gives your child the room to grow!
If your husband can’t be a husband, then get rid of him! You gave him a child! It will be his loss, and he will realize it after you’re gone, and it’s too late! You ARE BEAUTIFUL! If you choose to lose weight, then do it for yourself only and then leave him! Keep your head up! Best of luck.

3 Likes

Put him in the bin , the learn to love yourself baby weight and all xx

1 Like

Divorce sorry that’s no one that I would want to be married too

That body that he finds so find so difficult to be intimate with nourished and protected his child! Baby weight, hormones all take a while to adjust! If he can’t respect you and your body for giving him the most precious gift ever, then he is as shallow as they come! It is not YOU that needs to change, it’s HIM!

Get a new husband, it’s 2022 mama!

2 Likes

I dont usually tell people to throw the whole man away… but… babe. You’re a life bearing goddess.
Don’t let anyone, make you feel less than magical… and that includes yourself.

Obviously your husband doesn’t truly love you it’s what is in your heart not your body. As we get older our body changes like wrinkles and grey hair. Sounds like he is immature and selfish and maybe he stepped out on you.

what a dick, distance urself then and work on ur body for yourself and find u a side piece :wink:

It should not matter what you loke like its what insid3 that matters. He sounds like he stuck on looks not love…hop for the best for you

You do need to lose some weight…the weight of that BOY you married!!

8 Likes

You just gave birth to his child and a REAL man would make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Kick his ass to the curb for even making you feel that way! I bet his ass ugly anyways.

Ditch that loser fast.
Divorce, divorce, divorce.

1 Like

Get rid of him you deserve better you are worth more x

3 Likes

Oh my goodness :pleading_face: first hugs!! I can’t imagine how that world feel. I’m sorry but even if he was unattracted to your body what sort of person says that to you xx

Throw the husband away! Baby weight or not your husband should never treat you like that. I have 2 kids 11yrs and 13months and I’ve got baby weight and scars and my husband would never say anything like that! Ditch the little boy!

3 Likes

I’m sorry to sound like I’m defending him but you cant help how you feel. I adore my husband. I love him entirely in all other ways but I am not sexually attracted to him at all anymore because of similar reasons. I do show affection in every way I can but I cant force myself to be sexually attracted and neither can her husband. He needs to step up to show her love, kindness, tenderness, affection but to expect someone to force a physical attraction is ridiculous

2 Likes

You just need to throw the man away if he can’t accept you and your body after you just went through the miracle of childbirth and all that pain then he it’s not worth it you deserve somebody who will love you and care about you no matter how you look and obviously he doesn’t you deserve so much better

You do need to lose weight - about 100kgs of man baby! What a grub

3 Likes

Wowww I’m sorry :cry: i would replace him :v:t4::v:t4:

Lose the husband. He’s trash

1 Like

First, he’s not a man. Second, if you wanna lose the weight do it for you, not for him.
Third, you’d lose a bunch just by leaving him. And then if you wanna “get hot” he’s gonna be sorry but don’t go back.

1 Like

Your not a failure and I hate to even say this but was he there when you gave birth? I know a few of my friends SO that had seen them give birth weather vaginal or c-section and they just got kinda weirded out and they couldn’t be intimate either. Some did break up others worked through it. It sucks either way but where he said he didn’t know then agreed 1 time it was yr body cuz u asked him if THAT was the problem n he agreed that was it. NO MATTER WHAT IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT n he sucks for it in my opinion

Throw his ass out… he doesnt love you… your heart never changes! Karma is a bitch and hopefully by the time he figures that out your much happier… bet hes cheating.

You are WAY too beautiful and amazing to be feeling this way. You gave him a gift and sacrificed yourself in the process and if he’s going to be trash, send him to the dump. A man who truly loves you, will love you regardless of what weight you put on from bearing a child.

Ya , fuck that guy . You’re body is the way it is because of carrying HIS child . You sacrificed your body to have a child , he can either love you the way you are or screw off . He is rude , unappreciative and ungrateful. What a loser …

Some men (including Elvis) just loose interest in a woman after they give birth…of course we all know Elvis went elsewhere so…. But they just can’t get over the ‘you’re a Mother to my child mode’

1 Like

Kick his ass to the curb. Immediately!! And very sorry your going thru this.

Yes. I have advice: love yourself first. Don’t let anyone steal your self love or your self esteem. He is the problem. Not you. With him being so cruel, do you really still want to be intimate with him? If so, why? Sounds like your marriage, and each of you individually, could benefit from some therapy. Your situation does not sound healthy. Your husband does not sound kind. We all change at some point. You have gained weight. Big deal! He will get that middle aged man hard pot belly. He may lose his hair. He may need glasses. But he will still expect you to love him unconditionally. If he won’t do the same for you, that is problematic. Work on your self love and self esteem.

8 Likes

Unpopular opinion – I am very sorry you feel hurt and rejected from your husband. But, you asked him a question, and he did answer honestly (maybe a little too honestly).

It may have been very hard for him to speak up, where he never said why he rejected your advances prior to you asking. Yes, he should have thought about his response before he gave it very bluntly.

But on the flip side, he was honest and had a clear communication. Unfortunately, you cannot change how he feels.

From here, you have some choices to make. Do you stay together? Do you want to become healthier? Do you ask for help, maybe see a therapist or a nutritionist? Only you can decide your course from the information you have, and only you know how you’re feeling.

Before people get angry, I have been here with my ex. We were both really young when we had our daughter. I was 19 when I gave birth. I went into a depression and didn’t take care of myself. I regret that I did not focus on me and my health during that time. I was so upset and devastated by the rejection of my partner/boyfriend, that I dug myself into a deeper hole. Eventually we broke up and I had to help myself. I should have done so earlier, not for him, but for me.

Value yourself enough to make changes for your benefit, and don’t stay in the mindset of you’re not good enough. Start helping yourself before you lose yourself to the dark hole that has opened since that conversation. :heart:

7 Likes

Wow!!! That’s awful ! I’m so sorry you have to deal with such immaturity! he should love you and want you regardless of your body! You carried his child FFS! Does he not understand that body types change?

I know it hurts but he never truly loved u! Love is not physical, it’s mentally and emotionally. U gave birth to his child for that he should love you even more. U need a real man that will embrace your body just the way it is. Dont suffer for a boy and get u a man.

4 Likes

Please find your own worth :two_hearts:

1 Like

Men are very visual, but he’s an A$$. Don’t loose weight for him, do it for YOU! Good luck, and stay positive.

How much does he weigh? That is exactly how much you need to lose.

23 Likes