What an asshole. He’s treating you like a slave/servant/prostitute. Leave that jerk.
Irelis Matos these vile comments, I’m LOVING THE SHOW 
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When I was married to my ex husband, he was exactly like you’re describing. I had 2 babies, a whole house, all the duties to maintain a house on top of keeping all 4 of us alive, healthy and nourished.
My ex husband told me the SAME exact thing! “Because I don’t give it up” I told him exactly what you told your husband.
Things didn’t change until I just stopped. I was just so exhausted I couldn’t. I was pouring into everyone and everything in our family and I had nothing left.
So what I did was….cry, talk to my mama, regroup and then I STOPPED!!
I stopped cooking, cleaning taking care of the house, his laundry, the garbage, the cooking and the shopping.
I took care of my babies and myself.
One morning he woke up and started cleaning window tracks (why there, I have no clue) and we had a healthy argument. He told me all these tasked I stopped doing were my responsibility. We went back and forth and before the day was done I had learned a lot.
He was cheating because I didn’t “give it up, I was dirty, I was a bitch, I was lazy, I didn’t contribute”
This went on because I allowed it!! For about 6 years. I was afraid to leave. I was a stay at home mom from day one.
But something in me seen the light. I had no clue how I was going to provide or what would happen next. I didn’t have a job and all the money he earned.
I just asked for a divorce one day. He thought I was crazy, he thought I was cheating.
For the two weeks after I asked for a divorce, he cleaned the entire house daily after work, he cooked, took care of the kids after work and told me he changed he would help me.
But I was done. He was not going to change. After 11 years of the same thing, I didn’t believe it.
But my mom helped with day care at night while I worked. I went to school while my kids were in school. GOD had/has a plan for me, and He has one for you too.
I’m not saying leave, but know your worth. Pray and Exhaust all avenues before making any final decisions. Suggest a hired cleaning service or help a few times a month.
Soon you will have the solution to your problems. Good luck and may God guide you through.
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Does he pressure u to help him do his duties, like paying bills or working? I felt the same way, same dynamic & if we stay at home and choose to be a house wife then that is our contribution. Its unrealistic to ask my man to go to work, provide, pay bills, bring home the bacon, grocery shop, cook, clean and take care of the kids. He would be pulling way more weight then me. So I’ve came to peace with it. House wife/ SAHM= slave in my opinion if he provides a comfortable life for u all then hes doing his part. Try giving him random head one night. Bet he will appreciate it! Be glad hes wanting it from u bc eventually if he has to keep begging, a mans ego will be hurt & he will go else where.
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So you want him to go out to work and provide for you and your family so you can stay home with the kids, (which in my opinion is a luxury to be able to) then come home and do the housework and look after the kids. Sorry but if you don’t work and he does then you should be at home taking care of the house and the children. Perhaps you should get a job also and provide financially then the chores can be split between you?! Your saying you shouldn’t have to put out to get him to help but it sounds to me like your saying to him you will only put out if he does help so how are you any different to him! I feel your hubby is going to get bashed on here by all the feminists which is totally unfair. To all the people saying stop doing stuff for him, you’re talking crap! How would you feel if he stopped providing for you!?!
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This is my exact situation but with 5 kids
I put my husband out and took him to court for support because he was also abusive
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Bullshit! He is cheating and clearly doesnt want a family life.
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Phone his mammy and tell her that he’s on his way home on a one way ticket
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Wow, all these perfect wives and mothers out there, I’m a stay ar home mum aswell, hubby has a stressful job, but the first thing I get when he gets home is a kiss and he always asks what he can help with. I would never stay married to a man who was like that, you deserve better, we all do.
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I’m a single mom and do it all sooo. & I used to be able to stay home and felt the exact same way. He ignored me didn’t say crap about the work I had done and everything. It’s harder to do it all on your own. Like rn I’m about to drag my 3 year old into this winter storm go work a 12 and come home to cook, bathe, pay attention to her, then bed. Oh to repeat tomorrow.
I know it’s hard but it’ll get easier. The kids will have chores someday.
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You’ve just described my life. I understand completely. The problem is the mindset of both of you. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself that you’ve made yourself miserable. He doesn’t see this and is feeling neglected. Your both feeling neglected.
My husband had multiple affairs and blamed me saying that I didn’t give him enough. I turned the dial up on high. I was making sure he was sexually satisfied at least 5 days a week most weeks. His attitude towards me or his thought process didn’t change one bit. He still refused to help me around the house and still fantasized about/chased other women. I finally gave up and put myself on every low income housing list I could find and filled for a divorce. I’m still waiting for a low income place to open up.
Moral of the story is this:
You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself. Changing yourself will not change others. Any changes you make should be for your happiness. If you aren’t willing to leave then learn to be happy with your life choice. Just know that he might already be thinking about leaving you so you should work on that husbandless plan just in case he does.
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to keep the house perfect. Spend more time relaxing mentally and pampering yourself. Find peace and happiness in yourself. This will help you tremendously. Have sex more often to make yourself happy. If it makes him happy then that’s a bonus.
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So you chose to stay home , he works all day he has the stress of providing for four people pay all of the bills , commute etc. Give the guy a break many would love to be in your position. Perhaps invest in some organizational tools and that will help. Nagging and withholding sex will get you nowhere but a divorce . Make a chart and follow it throw laundry in before you go to bed then in the dryer when you wake up. When he is home on weekends meal prep for the week make five dinners and freeze them so you only have to throw in the oven etc. depending on your kids ages they can sort laundry by color or use a swifter .
Ok but the other side of this coin is he does pay all the bills. I have been a sahm and a working mom yes I hear you say you do all the house work, but you have a roof over your head, you bills are paid, you have food in your belly. Your job is a sahm, you wouldn’t go to work and tell them it’s to hard I need help.
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Emm well tbh if you stay at home and he works then think you should do most of the house but obviously he should want to help with his children work or not.
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Balance.
My husband works two jobs. Between that and my health issues some things in that area get put on the back burner for lengthy times.
But my husband still helps me if I ask.
Sometimes when people are married for so long and both people are trying to juggle two different everyday lifestyles marriages tend to go on autopilot for a little while. This especially if children are involved.
As stay at home mother’s we don’t get to do a 9-5 and just clock out. Our jobs are never ending.
Your feelings are completely relevant and he shouldn’t make you feel bad about it.
Communicate, Compromise, Make time for each other, and try to balance how you both are feeling to make it work.
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Ask him to get you help, like pay for someone to help clean 2 or 3 times a week.see if he is open for that solution if he does not want to help around the house
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U already said u do it all on ur own. Thats what i did so might as well. I’ve always worked but was still scared i couldnt do it. U just have 2 find a way. Find a job maybe from home one. Look into daycare help. There are many resources out there for assistance. It can only get better. Then just buy urself a toy for when u feel lonely n think u need a man🤣
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This is your job. If you want your man to work full time and come home and take care of the house and kids, perhaps you should go back to the workforce and contribute in other ways. Single parents do it ALL and more every day of their lives, with little or no recognition or appreciation. Sometimes they find the time and energy to date, sometimes not. My daughter was five before I found the time and energy for a social life. Do your part. This is not grounds to leave the man. But you should show him a little appreciation or something for what he does for the family. If he’s a good provider and y’all are comfortable…there shouldn’t be any issues on your end. Hell, make a schedule for yourself for things you need to do daily and weekly so you can spread it out and not feel so overwhelmed. Make time for your husband, before he starts making time for some other woman.
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He honestly won’t change that’s a self entitled misogynistic prick, honestly there’s always a way out, it’s hard I was dv financially every abuse and I got out contact your local women’s shelter, they can help you get out and possibly back neat a support network for you , otherwise there is always couples therapy you could try first
Unpopular opinion-
What a big baby! Your a stay at home mom your job is to cook clean and take care of kids. He’s a hard working man appreciate that shit!
Teach your kids to do some damn chores.
I’m a single mom the only parent doing it all and I work. Not crying like you! Geez!
Same boat. But mine makes sure i have everything i need to ease my job. So its fine for me. And he knows when im tired. And do things for me. If ur hubby doesnt want to help. Ask/buy things that may help u on your tasks. Use his damn money 
divorce is not always the answer or else no marriage will ever work. Understanding on both parties is a must. Or list a task that he should do like taking care of the trash, or bathing the kids. And be firm about it. Dont do it until he do it. Wish you the best.
OMG !!! l am so proud and happy to be out here sharing your work with freedom I just can’t believe that now my ex lover is really back to me on his knees presenting a ruby rose to beg me to take him back and he was feeling regretful and sorry for leaving me and for causing me pains after the divorce which occurred last year .
Grate chief otukpu
I got a job for 3 months…worked a different shift than he did. After those 3 months he realized how hard it is to do it all. I left the job this past week because I hated coming home to a trashed house and a stressed husband, tired kids because he couldn’t figure out how bedtime worked. I have yet to still get my house in order, still worth it.
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I think the way your feeling is completely normal, it can be completely overwhelming when your doing everything 24/7.
Having him say he will help if/when you put out is completely out of line, no mam should ever say that.
But also, in a situation like this, you also need to think of the man’s views. Yes you maybe tired from everything you have been doing in the day, yes he maybe tired from work, it sounds to me like maybe the two of you have lost your spark! Maybe try talking to him to see where his head is at, try to be spontaneous every once in a while. He may well be feeling that your not attracted to him, (men may seem oblivious to their feelings, and some men don’t even like to acknowledge it), maybe he is suffering mentally and hasn’t/can’t get his head round the way he is feeling. Maybe have some alone time when the kids are in bed to have a proper talk, see if you can both come to some sort of reasoning on why this could be happening. Men sometimes need that extra push to get help if they need it.
May I just add, that if this was a male posting this, everyone would be on the woman’s side.
Speak to your OH and find out what is going on, there could be other reasons not just him not wanting to help out!
Hope it all works out for you.
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Tell him you can’t sleep with him when you are being his mother.
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When he gets off work leave and go do something. Although I don’t agree with his whole not saying I love you bc you aren’t putting out, you are also holding back intimacy, just in a different way. He may be tired also from working. You said all the things you do, plus take care of kids but you never said if he refuses to take care of the kids or it’s just mainly the chores. I’ve been a stay home mother and a working mother and my opinion is if he’s solely taking care of bills you should be taking care of majority of the household chores but he should be helping with the kids in the evenings. If you are unhappy with this then get a job and split the chores.
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He won’t help because you don’t give it up more? Hell no, girl. You aren’t property. Sex is a privilege, not a demand. Get you an outside job, a babysitter, and if he doesn’t straighten up, a new man.
Arnz Arnz the only difference is she isn’t single and she should be able to rely on her husband to help out.
What a nasty comment to leave to someone desperate for help.
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He works you stay at home you made the choice to stay home get a job then
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Ok…I’m going to number but it’s not to be hateful…it’s to keep my thoughts in order. I’m also addressing you because you’re the one reading this…not him.
- You are not a single parent. You are not actually doing “everything” on your own. If you were a single parent… you would be responsible for all the housework, making sure the kids were taken care of while y’all were home and responsible for finding responsible childcare as well as paying for said child, AND working to pay all the bills as well as the childcare.
Im sorry if that comes across as rude, but that is something you absolutely need to understand.
You’ve convinced yourself that you do “everything” on your own and that he contributes absolutely nothing, but that isn’t true.
That mindset on its own causes a lot more problems than it solves. I’d start
2: Have you tried considering his side of things? Not the intimacy…but consider what he does at work. How long he’s at work. The stress and strain that causes. Then consider how you act towards him when he comes home. It’s possible that he’s feeling unloved and unappreciated too.
It makes you reluctant to do things for him…why should he be any different?
- Here’s my “thing” I have been all over this board: I’ve worked while my (ex) husband stayed home. I’ve been a single parent. My (now) husband and I both worked. We had a few months where both of us was home…and I’ve been a stay at home mom (since 2016). Every single thing has it’s own challenges. But let me tell you, the two hardest for me:
*working while my ex stayed home. My ex did the absolute bare minimum with the house and kid(s) and then wanted me to come home take over taking care of the kid(s), do the cooking, and the cleaning. Now as a parent who takes that role seriously I absolutely did it because he just refused…He wasn’t simply asking for me to help him. That would have been different. No. He’d leave the house trashed. Didn’t bother any real attempt to do anything.
And you bet I got distant…because in that time I was coming to HATE him for how he treated me.
I was exhausted. Every bit of my energy went to work (the physical emotional and mental demands there). The kids. And the house. There was nothing left for him.
*Being a single parent. I only had help in that my family watched my son so I could work. The bills were my own…my responsibility to earn the money to pay them…my responsibility to make the payments. Taking care of my son when I wasn’t at work was my own. Cleaning the house was my own. Setting appointments. Juggling time…making sure there was enough of me to go around. Taking off work if I didn’t have a sitter. Working when I was hurt or sick because I couldn’t afford to not work.
Because I’ve been in these different positions…it gives me enough perspective now as a stay at home mom to really take a step back.
I absolutely expect my husband to help with the house and kids.
But help is the operative word here.
Helping is taking out the trash or keeping the kids entertained while I get housework done faster than I normally would. Making dinner on his days off to give me a break (sometimes cooking feels so much like a chore I get to where I hate it) If I’m having a tough time he will help more than that… especially if I get behind through no real fault of my own (I’m behind right now thanks to an ear infection knocking me on my butt for a few days)
But also I try to not take advantage of his willingness to help me.
You’re in a standoff that isn’t going to be resolved by being right. You need help, because it’s a lot of work and you’re exhausted. He needs to feel appreciated for his contribution, not to mention just affection so that he feels loved. You’re both right, and you’re also both wrong for using it to hurt the other person. Let the house fall to pieces one day to conserve your energy, the world won’t end. Once the two of you feel connected again is a much more conducive time to talk with him about how he can help out more, or what can be outsourced. Which is more important to you, fixing the problem or being right?
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can i file for divorce on someone else’s behalf
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Hes a loser. Even if we did give it up wed still b doing everything. I swear these men think theyre entitled to our bodies… Stand your ground and DEMAND HE DO SOMETHING! Youre NOT HIS MAID OR HIS MOTHER HE NEEDS TO MAN TF UP! No one wants to have sex with someone they have to mother or who is coercive. And hes exactly that
Okay, well, there are several issues with this post!
You ARE guilty of **alienation of affection.
-
- ETA** I’m pretty sure this isn’t the correct term for this; my point remains the same regardless.
You started it by giving him an ultimatum, help me, or no seggs! That’s a big no-no. He could divorce you for that alone! Also, he does work and pay the bills, does he not? Maybe he’s tired when he isn’t at work and doesn’t have the energy for helping you.
Maybe if you stopped being that way towards him, things would be better. But you can’t tell a man you aren’t interested in seggs with him because he doesn’t come home and help you clean after he’s been at work. You’re making a bed that I promise you aren’t gonna wanna lay in, sweetheart.
Give your man some; you never know he might get right up with some newfound energy and help you out! But a lot of women out there do it ALLLLLL alone FOR REAL! YOU ARENT ONE OF THEME
- ETA** I’m pretty sure this isn’t the correct term for this; my point remains the same regardless.
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Try couples counseling. I’m a sahm, he is self employed, 12 years together, 4 kids, i help him with the business, he helps me with the house/kids. You have to have really good communication, you should be able to ask for help, he should be able to ask for what he needs. Once your relationship is healthy the cuddles and enjoying being together comes naturally.
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Turn it back around on him… tell him you’ll do something for him (wink wink) if he does the dishes, or whatever. Or compliment him when he is helping out with the kids… like tell him he is so sexy to you when he reads a book to the kids or whatnot… I get your frustration though. Sometimes men just have to be babied and feel catered to in order for them to help out. Also another tip I could give is for you guys to figure out your love languages, yours is probably acts of service which is why it bothers you so much that he doesn’t help, and his might be touch. And if that’s the case then this circle of chaos will continue because neither person is giving the other person what they need to feel loved. So I would definitely look into that and both parties have to be willing to make the other feel loved and understand why the other one might not during certain situations.
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As a man and a husband and father, i dont agree with what he is doing. I acted just like that husband except i always said i love to my wife. I was upset with my wife for not putting out. My wife struggles with communicating her feelings and so i didnt realize how stressed she was with kids. I was working two jobs and she would work one and then take care of kids. When i finally got her to open up and talk to me, it changed everything. I dont know if you are communicating to him how you feel, but you need to. He needs to realize that even if he is making all the money, the stress of the kids and house take a huge toll on a person. Regardless of the job situation, if there are two people then marriage is 50/50. Parenting is 50/50. Regardless if he is paying for the whole house by himself, he needs to help. You both need to sit down and openly communicate how you both feel. Maybe he does not realize the stress you feel. If you are both honest, you will see what he values in the marriage and from you. Hopefully he will see what you value in a marriage and from him. It boils down to you are not meeting his needs and he is not meeting your needs. It is a tough situation but both have to be willing to openly communicate for things to change. PM me if i can help more.
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Some of y’all are ignorant af. Even if she is a SAHM, that doesn’t mean she has to do everything on her own. She didn’t make those kids by herself, she should have to take care of them herself. There is nothing wrong with a man helping around the house, even if he does work. They are partners, they need to help each other out.
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He’s wrong and if you get comfortable with him doing that All the time he’s going to think it’s ok and eventually it will eat you up inside! I’m single and celibate for almost 5 years now, so I really can’t say to much but I can tell you that as a woman who had a man and was In a relationship for 13 years, crap gets old! I definitely learned a lot over my years and I’m telling you until you have open conversations about what is bothering you or faults in the relationship, and put your foot down 
He will continue to neglect you! Works both ways I suppose lol! Unfortunately I see it after the relationship! But that’s what made me grow into the phenomenal woman that I am today! Keep it together Mama 
we are all Queens Regardless of Our situations, they tend to make us strong 
You have to come up with a plan… as mothers we worry about everything and everyone before ourselves… plan how you’re going to get to the next level … look into different childcare programs that you may can get assistance with so you can get a job and then plan accordingly… it takes time but plan…
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I am gonna say leave. Because if u really wanted to u would. There are shelters for women with children. A 30 to 90 days stay in a shelter for a section 8 voucher to then be in ur own home and they also have social workers at the shelters to help you with things like resources for low to no income child care. Which will help while u look for a job. Or you can get on ur phone and start some sort of online job so u can stay home. Like dropshipping etc. there are so so many ways to do things. You just have to stop making an excuse for every solution. Fact of the matter is you don’t want to leave because ur scared you won’t know where to go and what to do. Well you will never know if I don’t just do it. You can go to the county office tell them ur homeless and leaving ur mentally abusive husband and you need to apply for welfare and food stamps also medi-cal tell them I are homeless and ask for their once in a life time homeless program where they pay ur deposit and move in for a place and then they them u ask for child care information and the resources available to help pay for child care if needed. Again try to start an online business so u can stay with your kids. I mean there are ways. Trust me I know. I’ve been homeless with kids. U have to want to leave and want for urself to be free of the stress and bullshit bad enough. Maybe ur just not fed up enough yet so u keep making excuses to stay. Idk just saying.
Damn I wish I could stay home … no I don’t I would rather do what I’ve been doing work provide and clean. I have been single for a couple of years a single mother for gzzzz 15 years and I show my kids daily to be able to buy something gotta work for it I work 80 hours or more at wk to provide bills and fun time. No one cleans my house due to I like to rearrange on every clean. Figured if ur unhappy go get a job ( someone ppl ) work to pay day care but it will get u out of the house and still the chores at the house will pile up eventually get done
you are correct & I also think you are wrong; you are holding back on sex because he won’t help you around the house! I will ask, do you have a nice roof over your head for you & your kids? Is there food on the table all the time? Yes you prepare it, we all know that, Do you have clothes to wear? A car to drive? Bills all paid? If your answer is yes, you have much more than most people , be grateful, be thankful. Just remember all of that can be gone in a second, Your husband can leave you, yes, he will have to pay child support, but you will have to clean the house, make the meals, clothe your kids, & work…so you do have it good, Now if your husband is cheating on you, then complain
These comments are disgusting. You are not obligated to give him anything because your body is not his property. Who wants to have relations with someone who treats you like his mother/maid? I wish you were under better circumstances to leave, he honestly seems like a gaslighting abuser. Won’t even tell you he loves you? Disgusting. It’s his home and family too. Even if the work isn’t 50/50, he should still do SOME chores around the house and parenting. Why are the rest of you settling for useless partners?
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Having intimacy shouldn’t be forced. This is a weird concept for people to have. Marriage doesn’t mean my body is my husbands property and he can mistreat me because I won’t give it up. That’s mental and emotional abuse. Men don’t realize maybe you’d be more in the mood if you weren’t pouring from an already empty cup. I have no advice cause men who manipulate like that won’t change.
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Yea my husband doesn’t help … He takes out trash carries groceries does all yard work but I like sex … It has become routine but I still want it lol
It’s hard not having an intimate relationship with your spouse. That bonding is important. It makes people feel unwanted when it isn’t a priority. He should be helping though.
Stop doing things for him like his laundry etc, let him do his on sh**. Let him see what you do in a day by leaving it and not doing it. He will wake up and appreciate you more. I did this about 10 years ago and my husband changed so much. Unfortunately men have no clue what we do because when they was little mom took care of them now you do. Good luck and God bless you and your family 
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OP- find me and PM me mama, I’d like to give my opinion but its more private than I’d like this post to reveal. Safe space here if you need.
This is unfortunately how it seems to work so much of the time….it’s usually the Mom holding everything together and yes it’s VERY overwhelming! But you are not alone
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Stop. Doing. It. All.
I know easier said than done, but I’ve been in this position before. You are not his mother, maid, chef and everything in between. It is supposed to be a TEAM. You are burnt and you have every right to be. It’s difficult to not get things done but you need to prove a point. He didn’t get dinner cooked for him? Too bad. He doesn’t have laundry done? There’s the washer and dryer buddy!
If the children are happy, clean and fed the rest can wait until he realizes YOU are also someone to care for.
I feel you girl 
stand your ground and I hope you come out on top.
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I know you said don’t say leave but f that. It’s controlling and a whole lotta gas lighting. I don’t know where you live to help with services but you need to get out. He sounds like a POS and you and your kids deserve better. If my husband ever said that to me, I’d be gone before he could finish that sentence. I left my ex with 2 babies on my hip with no job and no where to go. But I did it, I am stronger and better for it. I refuse to raise my children in a toxic environment. I hope you reach out and find some services willing to help, if not you are only showing your kids that his behavior is okay.
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the comments are giving abused 1950s housewife and it’s really gross, don’t let these weirdos tell you to just give it up and expect you to be attracted to someone you have to MOTHER
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Ur burning ur self out, if u can’t clean the whole house pick a room, if u can do laundry then don’t worry about it. If can’t anything besides just the meals n watch the kids then do so. U need sx too to relax ur body and get oxytocin and trust me when I tell u the kids will grow and all they gonna remember is mom was always upset.
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Book an adult weekend for just the 2 of you, lavish each other and reset Monday morning with chore charts for all!
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If He hasn’t help prior, he would not help if you have sex nightly so his answer wouldn’t help you, just him.
Stop doing it. Of course take care of your kids but stop doing and maybe therapy.
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U have a “job” and he has a job unless ur gonna go help him with his job I wouldnt expect him to help u with ur job!!!
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Tell him you’d feel like it if you weren’t so preoccupied with every detail in the house. If he helped out, it would free up your time. Then the 2 of you could have some time to yourselves. Make little moves like that, try to be flirty with each other.
Quit your job meaning the house stuff and anything that has to do with him because apparently he thinks it’s your job. Always take care of the kids of course but nothing beyond that. Start looking for a job get kids in daycare etc. create your independence and a life you can live not needing him. Then after you do that if there are no changes you will be able to leave.
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I’m in ur same boat you are not alone😢 it’s hard
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Time to grow up. You can do it on your own. You said you’re doing everything on your own already. Apply for benefits to get the kids in daycare. Get a job. The state can help you with housing. You can also look for a roommate, or ask friends or family until you can get on your feet. In the meantime until you get a job, your local DHS, you can get cash benefits to help with rent, and go apply for child support, file for divorce, get alimony and you’ll get half of everything . Look up resources in your area. Go to your local DHS website they have a button on it for resources and you can find everything you need there. If you decide to stay, thats on you. You will continue to be treated the same until you find the strength within yourself to leave. I’ve been doing this on my own sense I was a child. I have my own children. And I’ve done it all by myself. Bills, work. You can look for a work from home position, or start a daycare business. Those are just a few options if you don’t want to go out and get a job. But there are plenty of options for you to get on your own two feet! You are the only person who controls your life so you are the one who will have to make the choices to change your life. Sorry if this sounds harsh. But sometimes people need tough love.
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I use to do it all on my own too, got a job and still do it all, 4 kids, 4 dogs, cat, 14 rabbits, chooks, and a fish 
it’s not that hard though.
Stop doing for him. Let him do his own laundry and food. Just cook enough for the kids and u n leave him to fend for himself
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And you think you’re the only one
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I’d just start taking care or yourself and the kids for the time being and say your a grown man you can wash your own clothes or cook yourself a meal I’m done for the day if I’m supposed to do everything and not get appreciation or love or help than I’m not gonna do it anymore you expect me to want to have sex with you when your treating me badly and not showing me that you love me or maybe helping me with stuff around we share and kids we share huge turn off I wouldnt wanna sleep with him either but if he was more helpful around the house you would probably be more in the mood this for sure just communicate with him on why you may not be in the mood as well as not catering to him
Stop doing everything except making sure the children are fed clean and safe. Let things pile up while you love him. Sooner or later when he has no meals, no clean clothes and the house is a mess he will have to figure out things need to get done, either by both of u or he needs less loving.
If that doesn’t work a good marriage counselor and a good theripst for u to decide what’s best for you.
Time to give him the ropes to hang himself
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How about looking at this a different way. He works so you don’t have to. Your 50% is the house. You don’t have to but you know that being sweet and loving gives you an upper hand. Also if you split you have no control over what your kids are doing 50% of the time. Just food for thought.
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Going from being a single mom of two, working 50+ hrs a week and still doing all the chores/errands/kids stuff to being a SAHM mom just doing the chores/errands/kid stuff…I FREAKING LOVE IT HERE. You want me to serve you dinner? Yes babe. Wash all your clothes? Yes babe. Do “it” when you’re not too tired from paying all my bills? YES BABE. My job is making sure his life at home is easy.
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Find a way to get a cleaning lady in to help you out, even if it is just once a month to help get you some motivation. Also get your kids helping, for me I want to raise my son to not sit back and watch his wife take it all on her shoulders. If husbands want TLC there has to be some gas left in our mental and physical tanks!!
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I know the feeling all to well. I do all that and work 40 hours a week. Exhausting to say the least
Try giving it up and maybe things will be different. 1 of u has 2 give in and it seems u are the one with the concerns. He is going about his day.
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Test the theory…give it up and see…
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I wish woman came together, to help figure a safe way out when feeling stuck, unhappy, abused, and hopeless!! Hang in there I don’t know who needs to hear this but, you got this moms! God will Not leave you nor forsake you!!
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I work full time, coach a basketball team, volunteer on a little league board, do the housework, take care of my child’s appointments, school meetings, class events, social activities, have regular planned activities with friends, attend my friends kids sporting events, grocery shop etc, and still find time to make a connection with my husband. It may not always be “doing it” but we want to make it work so we put in the work. If it’s important you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse. It sounds like you don’t want to connect with him, and that’s ok, but don’t deflect and blame your husband. That being said he’s not making much of an effort either and sounds a bit like a boob. Time for complaining has passed girl, time to take action and make some hard choices and go after your bliss. You got this.
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Try it his way, give him some booty once a night for 3 days straight. It doesn’t have to be long sex…see if his attitude and help level changes if it doesn’t then reverse the roles. Tell him, you told me you’d help if I helped you. You didn’t so now I don’t give you any till you help. But if he does start helping and being nice then ya gotta start giving up atleast every few days. Marriage is a business too! Gotta make a deal or two every once in awhile 
Interesting the comments that feel not working outside of the home and bitching at the spouse who does to come home and do things around the house and then not being intimate at all…what does he need you for?Someone to gripe at him?Might want to try to making his home be his refuge from the world for starters.
Stop doing everything and recharge your battery. He will learn to appreciate what you do or he won’t and you have your answers. But don’t kill yourself trying to make sure the house is perfect etc.
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Well first of all just stop washing his clothes or making his dinner or anything else for him. If you have access to the money/bank account, start stashing some away for yourself.
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You both work. Saying your a stay at home mom IS STILL A JOB! Don’t sell yourself short! You just need a better schedule that works for you. Pm me if you would like some suggestions.
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Maybe you should get a job outside the house
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Relationships are a two way street honey. Where you BOTH compromise. If you arent giving him what he wants now then eventually, he will shamefully go get it somewhere else, then you’re really going to be hurt and pissed and wonder why hes cheating on you. Then be stuck single trying to get a job and take care of your kids. If a relationship is going to work it takes sacrifices from both sides. Maybe if you made him happy once in awhile he would help you out more. I’m going to tell you that men are complicated. They aren’t mature as women, especially if you are the same age. I had to go above my age range just to be happy because the boys I was dealing with didnt know how to treat a WOMAN. Mine does now and we are both happy because we both cook we both clean we both work, (we have our own business), and we both take care of the kids. No one job is pushed off on the other and we communicate, not yell at eachother. Sometimes we raise our voice if frustrated but it gets turned around quick when one of us finds eachother in the wrong. Sit down with him, tell him how you feel, LISTEN to his concerns too. Compromise with eachother and maybe it will get better. Dont just expect him to help you with everything if your not helping him either. BTW…3 kids here and I worked a fulltime job doing overtime and taking care of my extended family in one household while handling all chores cooking and bills. Before he came along, I had no one to lean on or help me. That’s what makes you stronger. It only gets harder before it gets easier. Hang in there momma you got this!
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Im sorry you’re going through this. When someone withdraws love and affection in a relationship it’s never a good sign. Although it’s hard to say a lot, without knowing more details, it sounds like you have a pretty big problem … and if it sounds like abuse and feels like abuse , it’s usually abuse … more specifically it sounds like “emotional blackmail”.
Someone trying to control you /to get what they want from you,by manipulating you with your emotions. Pick up a copy of Susan Forwards book “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You.”
Good Luck 
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I think the biggest issue is that he’s treating sex and love like is transactional. I think he and you need therapy for that.
You should not have to “give it up” he’s literally acting like one of your children you have to take care of. Why would you want to have sex with a child?
I was in this exact situation before, I was doing everything and my fiancé would not be around to ever help our with our twins. He would only see them for about an hour at night and would just sit on his phone. We broke up almost a year ago and life is so much easier! I’m so much happier ! Life is good 
My suggestion is stop cleaning. Stop doing laundry stop cooking. Do that for a week and don’t give in, just to see 
You’re making excuses!
If you’re gonna do it all on your own, you might as well be on your own.
So… LEAVE! Don’t make excuses as to why you can’t. There are community resources to help you… medical assistance, food assistance, child care assistance. There are even agencies that will not only help you find a place, but help with security deposit and rent.
You have two choices. Stay, continue to be the maid, nanny, chef etc… or leave and find your happiness. This man is trying to use sex as leverage. “You don’t give me any, so I’m not taking the trash out”. “You don’t give me any so I’m not watching the kids”. That’s emotional abuse… and emotional abuse sometimes does more damage than physical abuse. You can stay, and endure it, or you can leave and find your own peace.
If you’re adamant about not leaving the situation, I would suggest getting a job outside of the house or simply going on strike. By all means, take care of yourself and your children, but beyond the bare necessities, don’t do anything else. Or even better, tell your husband that you’re gonna switch roles for a weekend and let him see what you do daily and why you’re exhausted.
I work full time (56 hrs a week), do 90% of the cleaning/cooking for a household of 5, I do all the shopping, and I fix most of the things that break around the house… I do these things because it’s who I am. I’m a busy body and I like to be productive. It gets frustrating sometimes not having much help but I accept my partner for who he is. You need to find a place where you can just be happy without trying to change the person you are with. Accept him or leave. He probably feels like since he makes the money you should take care of the house. A lot of men are that way…
I suggest you evaluate your situation. Do you love this man? Can you try harder to reconnect with him and have a passionate relationship that meets both of your needs? I’ll tell you right now if you do leave, trying to find a new man will create a hell of a lot more issues than you can even think of at this point. Think of raising your kids in a blended family… think of sharing custody of your children with their dad, think of the financial burden of being a single mom… there is a lot of reasons to try harder in the relationship you are already in. Trust me I’ve been there. Took me years of struggle to finally get to a point where I feel comfortable.
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It’s hard to give it up when you’re exhausted from giving your all to everyone else all day everyday without any appreciation or recognition which also doesn’t really
Put you in the mood to give it up. Cut back on some of the household things to take care of yourself first to see what’s really important to you and some time to reflect on everything. Maybe then you’ll have an answer.
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If he’s using sex as motivation to help around the house, make him some coupons 1 sexy time= 1 hour cleaning, see how he likes it being used as leverage!! I’ll bet he doesn’t like it anymore than you do.
Men are very wiered about the amount of sex they get lol… but there is no excuse for emotional blackmail
Ur screwed or not…
You need to find urself and get a schedule going if not girl your going to be single and definitely be doing it alone
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Maybe sex and physical intimacy are his love language? Withholding them tells him you don’t care about what’s important to him. Sit him down and really let him know what your love language is (acts of service, support with daily chores, etc.) Relationships take two people putting in the work do perhaps if you both start to respect what is important to the other person your relationship will get better
This feeling, with a third child, a 42 hr/week job, and a small farm to run. Not to mention I am a full-time college student. I get no help in any sense of the word, especially not financially.
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I’d remind him that sexual coercion is rape.
He doesn’t see you as a person at all. Call a shelter so they can help you make a plan to escape. Start putting away little bits of cash here and there. Start researching care for the kids. Contact lawyers for consultations. And document everything. You deserve an actual partner who values you as a whole person and not just for the holes he can stick it in!
Make him wash his own clothes and feed himself, one less child you have to worry about
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We live the same life, only I have a fulltime job, side jobs, and I have 4 kids not 2. I can’t give advice cuz we’re in the same boat but I can tell you it’s never going to change. You either have to find a way to cope (I have my medicinal medical card 
that’s how I mostly cope) or find a way to leave the relationship. I’ve been married for 10 years. FYI it helps if you give it up 
I % agree that we shouldn’t have to HAVE sex in return for daddy duties. So I mostly don’t give it up and just deal with his meanness and doing everything on my own. Good luck mamacita 
message me anytime to vent 
You shouldn’t have to be a whore for your marriage to work.
Where are you located? If you WANT to leave, I’m sure something can be figured out. 
I am a SAHM of two kids, with a 6 yr age gap. So my daughter can help or entrainment for my six month old.