Recently my husband has stopped loving on me or telling me he loves me when he leaves or hangs up the phone and he says it’s because I don’t give it up!! I tell him that I need help around the house and I can’t do everything and still have energy for him! I am a stay at home mom but It’s not just my house!!! I literally do everything wash all clothes,wash all dishes,cook all meals,sweep,take out trash, all while taking care of 2 kids all day long plus extra things and he doesn’t help at all!!! I do it by myself day in and day out and continuously tell me I need help with the house and no matter what he doesn’t help! Says the problem is I don’t give it up that if I did we’d get along more and he’d help out more! I feel I shouldn’t have to have sex with him for him to help when it’s OUR house OUR chores and OUR kids!! Idk what to do!! Advice! And don’t say leave unless your gonna help me with ways to get out! I have no one to go too and no job and no one to watch kids for me to get a job to find a way to get out…
Me to and I have 10 kids
If you won’t leave him, either keep putting up with it, or stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop taking out the trash, and let him enjoy living like a pig
You deserve better i would sit down with him and have a conversation and tell him how you feel and if he doesnt care or even feel bad well then you know you need to move on you are his wife and partner not a freaking toy your feelings matter
Work as many hours and days a week he does, the rest is up to both to do or nobody whichever he prefers.
Most importantly I’d get a job and put the kids in daycare or pay a family or friend. Get a life outside even if it’s part-time.
So tell him you don’t want to do them things all the time with no help and it’s ok to take a break some times like when you wash clothes do everyone’s but his. He’s grown enough to wash his own with his asshat self.
Tell him if he helped out more u would have more energy for sex. Tell him to plan things for u and him. Tell him treating u like crap isn’t gonna make it better. Can u work while the kids are in school? Any family to help?
He’s gaslighting you. Hes not sharing the responsibility because you won’t have sex with him. He’s just saying that to make you feel it’s your fault so you give in. He still won’t help. Get a job outside the house. Make him pay daycare. Save your money & move out.
And also there’s help you can apply for. Housing. Day care and other things
Can you Doordash or Instacart to get some extra $ to set aside?
I say take you and kids out for shared me time. Leave house as is. The chores will get done when they get done. When YOU have the energy. Clean one small area where you feel at ease. Leave everything else as is. You’re doing it alone, so do it at your own pace. Think about yourself, and your kids. If it gets to the point where it’s too overwhelming, take a break. Again, the house will still be there, you my dear will break.
I have 3 kids and do pretty much everything. My husband works right now. Last week I was sick and he cooked, cleaned, dishes , grocery shopped and everything and told me he never realized how much work I actually do around the house. He said it’s a lot. I don’t expect him to help but once in a great while it’s nice when he vacuums or helps with laundry if I ask. Most men love sex and sometimes that’s their love language and get really moody if you’re not willing to have sex with them. They feel neglected in some way. I get you’re tired and I’m sure he’s tired to but keep that passion going and try to get in the mood with him. Relationships die so easily. It’s usually from no sex or communication.
I have 3 kids and do pretty much everything. My husband works right now. Last week I was sick and he cooked, cleaned, dishes , grocery shopped and everything and told me he never realized how much work I actually do around the house. He said it’s a lot. I don’t expect him to help but once in a great while it’s nice when he vacuums or helps with laundry if I ask. Most men love sex and sometimes that’s their love language and get really moody if you’re not willing to have sex with them. They feel neglected in some way. I get you’re tired and I’m sure he’s tired to but keep that passion going and try to get in the mood with him. Relationships die so easily. It’s usually from no sex or communication.
Stop cooking his dinner,stop doing his laundry stop making your self tired,and you know what dont always answer his call just stop doing for him and only do for you and thies babies cause you what they love you and you are the world to them your value doesnt measure if he say i love you you are somebody regarless and its ok if you dont get something done that day you are still amazing you do you for cause you and thoes babies matter the most and should be treated that way
I have no advise because I’m in the same situation but I’m pregnant with our second. Hang in there Mama.
Go to your church and speak with your pastor. If you don’t have one, get one and consult with your pastor. Your church will help you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m praying for you and your children.
I work 2 jobs about 60 hrs a week 12 HR night shifts…my husband only works 18 hrs a week I am the bread winner and pay all the bills…he does 99% of everything around the house because I work so much that im exhausted…my mom was a stay at home mom and did everything while my Dad worked all the time…if both partners work full time jobs 40hrs a week then all chores should be shared equally…but if one is bearing all the financial burden then I dont see why the other partner cant handle everything house hold wise…I do think the man should do yard work and take trash out turn the lights out at night and lock the house up etc…if one can afford maybe getting a house cleaner part time or paying someone to do the yard work may help…
Sanctions rarely work for countries why do you guys think it will work in your relationship? you withhold sexual intimacy from him to try to get an outcome so he responds by withholding verbal intimacy and affections from you, even if you both keep escalating your sanctions its doubtful either will get what you want, someone has to blink when playing chicken or you crash head on
I manage to find time for my man with doing the same…all the cleaning…cooking dishes… laundry…trash…6 cats and 2 dogs…and even cook and clean after my grown brother in law…and still manage to find time for my man…I work hard and like my down time and the love and acknowledgement from my man and so I know he does…he works hard and I show that …he gets back rubs most everynight and foot massages…so do I…it’s our time…we get the kids in bed at a certain time… due to having a routine…we massage each other talk about our day the kids you know basic pillow talk…we even play alittle bit on the Xbox…and more nights then less we are intimate…sometimes it’s what you call a quickie hahaha others we take our time it kinda depends on the mood …he will often stay up and let me shower and shave and all that so I can take my time and he be awake still incase any of them wake up but I made time for my man…a relationship or marriage doesn’t work if you forget each other…get a baby sitter or family members to help watch a night a week for you two to have you time…it’s tough being parents and working him his job away from home …your job in the home and doing the day to day…but you don’t need to forget each other…make the effort to make it work…and taking time to show each other your there…your supportive…and your still interested doesn’t always have to sexual…
Maybe stop hassling him for a while and see if he changes.
Remember that what he said so hold him to it
Just because he works doesn’t mean he gets to slack on being a parent. That is 24/7 365. I’m so tired of hearing he works. Forget that noise. When you get off work you are done. You can turn that off being a stay at home parent is hard and never ending. No sick days no time off. He could at the very least take out the trash or hold a kid. Im sorry you are going though this.
Going through the same thing. I see comments saying you withhold sex yeah no were tired last one to eat last one to shower last one to go to sleep. I have no advice 
cus I have one foot out the door.
He wants sex for the wrong reason
also gotta realize it’s ur bills too not that u should give it up for him to help but i’m just saying, maybe get a job an help with bills an let him do the house work by himself an see how he likes it
Been there and feel this! Do what’s right for you and your kids!
Make it sexy and rewarding. And some spice to it.
Tell him maybe you’d be more inclined to have sex with him if he takes u out on a nice romantic date perhaps 
go out to eat and a movie, have a drink together , then come home and do the hanky panky. But I totally understand you … it’s hard to feel sexy after taking care of kids and house all day … you’re really tired after all of that … so it would be a win win for both of you if he would just see that u need a nice break even if just one night little date to feel like YOU again , not someone’s mom or wife but YOU, then I think you will want to actually do it more 
my advice on it
Well people treat you the way you let them. I’m a SAHM too. I also have a 13 year old son. There are chores I don’t do. There’s more to it than sex. A man that loves you wouldn’t treat you like that
I’ve been in your shoes I’d say cut down on the hours you clean up. If your children are 3 years or older teach them to pickup after themselves. I used the 10 second tidy from one of my daughter’s favorite shows
I’ve been there. Sometimes we burn out and don’t feel the love. We’re about to celebrate 12 years married and a couple years ago I never would have believed we would have made it out the other end together. The best advice I got was to take the time to sit and hear each other. Let him know you are over-whelmed. I hate to admit I need a break some days but we’ve gotten to the point where some days he’ll get home from work and ask me it I want to go out for some alone time to rejuvenate. We’ve realized that if we take an hour or two for ourselves every now and then we can come back and give each other a big, long hug. Get the happy endorphins going.
Maybe you should mention hiring you some help. Hire someone to clean the house a few days a week. Or someone to come sit with the kids while you goto the spa & treat yourself to something nice. Start wearing clothes that make you feel fabulous & do your make up. Even if you aren’t going anywhere
Tell him how much it turns you on to see him help around the house. If he starts to clean up, throw yourself at him. 
win win?
Get a job and split the physical and financial burdens.
I do all that plus some with a 3 yr old and 5 yr old. My husband works 12 hours a day and drives 4 hour round trip to work and back. He gets up at 2:30 every morning for work and doesn’t come home until 7 pm. He pays all the bills, car notes, phone bills, insurance, plus everything we want and need. So I take care of the house.
You can’t be in a stand off in your marriage. If he would help you you would have sex, if you would have sex he would help you, no one wins.
Most men in this situation believe you have a job (the kids/house and he has a job outside the house. He does his job alone without help from you and feels you can/should do the same. 
You’re most likely not going to change his perceptions and you won’t get any help from him.
So you must put it back in your hands to get help or breaks so you’re not burnt out and you feel more loving and appreciate your life choices.
Get a housekeeping service to come once or twice a month. Drop the laundry to be cleaned at a laundry mat. Schedule a play day with your kids once a week with friends or relatives, you can trade off one week at your house, following week at theirs.
Plan a sandwich or leftover night once a week so you take a break from cooking, or order a pizza. Start a chores list for your kids to help with small tasks around the house. Like making their beds Or straightening their room, taking out the trash etc (if old enough)
Plan a girls night out once a month to give yourself a break from kids and husband. The better you’ll feel and the better your relationship will be.
Ugh, all too familiar. If you’re gonna do it all by yourself, do it all by yourself you’re 2kids deep, and this is how he acts? It won’t change.
Been there done that except I had 4 kids. I took care of the kids first house and Laundry came second. If husband complained about the house I just told him if he wanted it done so bad clean it himself. He did get tired of looking at it and started helping. But that was my experience your kids are only little once and it goes by so quick
Here’s the thing though: your marriage suffers when you prioritise ‘the house’. Who told you the weight of the household was yours to carry alone? Plenty of times us women feel like we must have the perfect home when our marriages are crumbling around us. Listen to what he’s saying. Let some things slide. Prioritise your connection as a couple so that you have a willing partner to balance chores with.
Cook only for you. Only do your dishes. Only do your laundry. It goes both ways. Ect
Only clean yours an kids dishes stop doing laundry for him jus stop doing what your doing . An then see what he says … an go from that point… because parenting is a two way street . An if my man didn’t help clean we’d have some issues but thankfully he does partake in most.
Don’t do so much. Skip a couple meals. Fast food or left overs isn’t going to kill anyone. Laundry piling up a little or dishes pulling up isn’t going to kill anyone. Get some help if you need to one or two days a week. And when he has a day off leave him with the kids and get a day to relax to yourself away from the home. Once you slow down and recharge things may be a little better
I worked full time and had two boys and did everything myself too. Gosh, today with washing machines and dryers, ovens, microwaves, dishwashers, etc., it can’t be that hard. it’s kind of hard to understand the problem. I would have felt so lucky to be home!!!
You are already living a single life from what you say, so leave File for food stamps and child care and get a job. There are shelters for women with children. Or you can get your children to help clean. I have 9 kids. Being a mom is taking care of your kids, spouse, and home. While I agree he should help, he is working outside the home to provide the roof over your head that you clean. Your husband doesn’t feel any affection from you, and you feel overwhelmed. You both need to sit and talk things out.
Get some outside help. Keep a maid snd toke help. Stop expecting from bun )
I feel this… happens this way for me from time to time. That attitude from him nor those actions get anything from me. So at a point you give in to what he wants or try and out play him. I dunno have you tried not cleaning up after him, no laundry for him, no cooking for him and see how it goes. But at a certain point you have to come to terms with what’s really going on. Likely he won’t figure it out if you start neglecting all his other daily needs and likely he won’t help out just bc you give it up. Stupid kind of impasse and I understand so frustrating.
I guess my best advice would be to drop the chores for a few days and give yourself a break then leave the kids with him a little each day and go visit a friend or go get a coffee or just go sit in the car and scroll fb. Do something for you to get away for a bit. That will help YOU out. And nothing can get resolved until you focus on yourself first and then hopefully he will come around and get on board with helping out. 
Maybe if he helped you in return you would have a DESIRE to meet his needs. Idk why men think a woman would be attracted to them after giving them no help and making the house stuff and kids all the women’s responsibility!? Major turn-off. Just ignore his needs and quit doing for him. Make him do something. It might drive you crazy to have dishes in the sink and his clothes piled up but something has to give.
It seems like you both are just stating what YOU need. Now it’s time to figure out what you can each do to get to those goals.
For instance, you need help around the house and with the kids… how about asking him to give the kids a bath and get them ready for bed and you can use the time to relax, take a shower and then when he’s gotten them down you two have some sexy time.
You both need to give a little. I understand that you are tired and need his help, and I understand that he finds it difficult to verbalize his love when there is no physical intimacy.
I was a stay at home mom for 9 years and did everything child and house related on my own too, I understand how you feel. Granted that was from the time I was 18-27, and I had all the energy in the world, so I still had the energy for sex.
Man we got of marriage counseling going on here just be your self and tell he is not pulling his load in the marriage
You two need to re connect, and fall in love again, sounds like you both are stubborn and both aren’t backing down or communicating, I left my ex for this reason, got so sick of doing it all, only to be treated like shit, and expected to put out, only for him to ditch me after to go hang with mates, rather be single then have a man demand things of me.
Y’all wild telling her not to cook and clean for him. He’s paying for the whole fuckn house and food. 
I have a 17,11,10&9 who is special needs (autistic) year old and our two dogs and I take care of the house while my husband works. He trys to help with the house after work but I try to not let him cause he worked all day and I still manage to have energy and time for him maybe y’all need to have a real talk and see if maybe there one or two things around the house he could do after work that isn’t a hassle and maybe let him know he is appreciated for working and maybe he needs that so he will love on you
They’re also our bills, so do you pay any?
Some men don’t get what happens outside the bedroom has alot to do with what happens in the bedroom. Duh! Help her out jerks!!
IMO: sex DOES NOT make a marriage hon. This day and age relationships are so hard it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together there’s always some dispute in marriages or relationships for that matter. I would just simply sit him down and be like maybe if I got a little bit of help around the house even if it’s simply taking the trash out or washing your dish when dinner is done I would have a little bit of energy for you… if he loves and respects you he should understand that you are exhausted by the end of the day.
Men just don’t get it😒 until you’re gone and they realize what they had…
As a stay at home mother/wife…that is your job…his job is to provide for the family.
If you don’t like your job then change your job…get a job outside of the house…then sit down and discuss how your going to spilt the household chores…
Try to find a way to reconnect the spark . Date night where you enjoy each other’s company . intimacy is important in maintaining a healthy relationship. Try to come to a small compromise one baby step at a time .
I was a stay at home mom, did everything at home and still gave my man sex cause I didn’t have to work outside the home. I just felt like it was my place to take care of the house and our 5 boys while he worked for us. Now our children are grown I work full time outside of the house and still give him sex. If you love him you’ll find time. That’s my opinion.
Stop doing everything that is expected of you…don’t do the things he takes you granted for…he’ll notice especially when he has no more clean clothes etc…make him be responsible for his own things…your his wife not his mother…and as for withholding sex from him…good…your not a puppy, not a slave to come at his beck and call…tell him he has a hand if he wants to be petty like that…also you’re quite capable of pleasuring yourself…you don’t need him…make him realise first how much you do…and maybe change your approach to how you ask him to help…I used to have this problem with my man and after a lot of arguments and me doing what I told you to do he actually started helping out more …
I was taught as a little girl. If the man goes to work and makes the living it is wife’s job to take care of house and children. Except weekends he is to do yard work and fix things. I did it all with 2 boys when I was a stay at home mom.
Super Nanny usually has good advice.
Jeez. He can at least pick up slack here and there. You’re not being unreasonable. You dont get to clock out of the job, he does. He gets days off, you dont.
Everyone bashing or being rude about you choosing your position is a shxtty person.
He built a life with her, he can help with the kids so she can do what she needs to and have energy to be the wife part of her “job”. Because hes not being a husband or father just existing in the house. Hes not married to a maid, sex slave, caregiver ect- hes married to his WIFE and he needs to act like it.
There is alot of old fashioned thought process here, it used to be common thinking that when the man works outside the home he doesnt have to contribute inside the home (
)
That only works when there is respect involved and someone that uses sex as a tool or weapon does not respect you
For me I just have to drop some balls ( chores) when he comes in the house.
I’ll put on a video for the kids and find a moment to see how his day was.
Is daycare an option? What about a maid? Lol
I was a stay at home dad for a little bit bc of covid. The wife worked. I cleaned cooked took care of our at the time 4 and 7 yr old. It took me 4-6 hours to clean (laundry dishes floors mirrors showers/bathrooms) and then played a video game or watched TV. When she got home she had a meal hot and ready. She rarely did anything at all after work. So I don’t get how it’s so hard. I’d love to do it but her mental health won’t let her work a steady job. So I bust my hump 3rd shift 8-12 hours 5-7 days a week. (as I’ve done since we started dating. She’s always been a stay at home mom except for that short time I was sahd). If I can do it with one lung (collapsed a lung so one doesn’t work well) anyone can do it.
This is why I will never rely on a man to take care of me again.
Imagine how many solo mums do this day in day out without complaining and all whilst holding down a job and working extra hours to pay for childcare.
If you can’t find the courage to leave than deal with it.
This is abuse. So yes. The answer is to leave and you need to figure out how that can happen by going to a woman’s shelter or family help. Something needs to be done. Or go to family counseling so that he can get some sense slapped into him.
My son is a single parent and works 12 hr full time job gets off picks kids up cooks dinner baths 3 kids . Keeps house picked up and on weekends cleans good . so maybe just don’t stress about something that has to be done no matter who does it.
I mean if he’s going to work then that is his job. And I’d you’re staying home then that home is your job. That’s just how I personally feel. I’m a stay at home mom and although my husband does help with house stuff sometimes (not often, mainly just getting up with one of our babies every night) I don’t ever expect him to come home and help, he just did his job for the day and I did mine. When he gets home, put the kids to bed and make that time for you guys. Everyone’s different but I think once you accept and see it as you each have your own job then it might relieve your stress a little more. Maybe even to take a little stress of your shoulders, why don’t you drop your laundry off weekly to get done? As a mom of three, I’ve started doing that about a year ago to take one thing off my plate
Get a job and hire someone to clean your house. Put the kids in daycare…
Well, you sure don’t want to leave him because if you complain about having to do it as a stay at home mom you’re sure as hell gonna complain when you have to work a FT job and do all the house tending and such.
Get an evening part time gig. Even if it’s just a few nights a week.
Well work alternate shifts and tell him you’ll have to split watching the kids and chores because you are going to work. Or go to a shelter with the kids. They have resources. Call 211, call churches, call pantries…there is help available if you actually want to leave then you have to make that step and effort. No it won’t be easy, you will have to figure out a job and daycare but there are some places that can help with daycare costs (or see if someone at a church could help). Either way, you’re going to have to make a move and put in work. If you go to work and stay there but he doesn’t pull his weight then at least you’d have money to make the moves of getting out easier. Put money aside that he won’t know about or have access to.
Get a mother’s helper so you have some time to yourself and then you won’t be as tired to have time for your relationship.
If he can only love you when you “give it up,” he deserves to be given divorce papers.
Tell him to “fk himself”
Honestly wen I worked outside the home only on my days off did I really clean. And same for my hubby. Please don’t spend your life bitter fighting over who does what keeping score. Live… cuz it could all change tomorrow. If you need change and hes not going to compromise and neither are you then comes acceptance. He has needs he’s letting you know the motivation he needs to do more is some intimate time with you. Could you give it a try. See if he actually did help more after you two had alone time. If you love him and you want your marriage to work someone has to change things. And if I could do things over I would. I held off on intimacy because of my guys lacking in many areas. He never cheated but he became bitter which made me also bitter. It was an ugly waste of time In my life. Then cancer came. Stubbornness and selfishness can hinder so much. Fix it now. You only have Now to be happy to live the way to want and need… Best of luck. I pray yall find some peace.
This is almost insulting to all single parents. Get a job and really do it alone or give the man 10 minutes
it sounds like you value acts of service and he values physical touch. Be specific about what you need (maybe an uninterrupted hour to yourself to decompress, maybe a bath/face routine while watching Netflix while he handles the kids) but in return you have to also be receptive to what he needs, I don’t think it’s unfair for him to express that he wants to have a more active sex life with you, he may not be saying it in the nicest way (most sexually frustrated guys don’t) lol but if he’s a decent man then I’m sure that you taking the first step to make an effort would make him want to try harder as well.
You guys both work hard every day, being a stay at home mom… you don’t ever get to leave work. I think anything that needs to be done after he gets home should be tackled with team work. If he’s “off work” then technically you should be too.
Also, the “I don’t have energy” thing. Get your thyroid hormone levels checked if you haven’t already lol
I can barely get through my day because of low energy and thyroid problems.
Ok I work 48-60 hours a week. Cleaning is not an all day thing. Yes children are but it’s about making it where you both are satisfied. Hold sex from him and him not saying I love you if one/both change something your marriage is doomed. I work he works and I still cook and clean. If I don’t feel like cooking he is a big boy and. Can prepare something. We both get tired but have to keep our love time intact or we both suffer.
If you’re a stay at home Mom…and he is working full time…this is your job… kids, house, meals and laundry…be thankful that you are not working a full time job and doing all this as well…so many women are…
Stop doing things for him. He can help, he’s grown
Turn that sht around!!! Quit cleaning, deal with what you can COMFORTABLY every day and tell him to CLEAN WHAT YOU DIDNT BEFORE ANY FREAKY TIME!!! F^k him!!!
I think time your work better for you to get enough rest. U are not a super hero u are human. Do the important things and leave the rest for different times. Come up with days to do laundry, cook in advance, get the kids if old enough to help pick up after themselves and putting toys away. It will buy u more alone time and just Tim to breathe. As for your husband that’s upto to u really
I don’t see the issue you look after the children and keep the house and he works to provide for you all. If you want to do differently go and get a full time job and then you can pay between you for a childminder and cleaner
What bothers me the most is all of these people saying that it’s your job. My biggest rebuttal to that is, when does it end? The husband comes home from work and can relax, watch TV, play games, or whatever, but the wife never stops. She’s the one still tending to the kids needs and still cleaning and cooking and whatnot. She doesn’t get to clock out and relax. She lives at her “job” and is always on call. The husband absolutely should help out around the house and with the kids after his shift at work. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for people to see this. It’s a partnership. Not indentured servitude.
Stop doing anything that solely benefits him. Cooking him food, washing his laundry, picking up personal things for him at the store (deodorant, snacks, clothing, etc), waiting to watch shows with him, etc. See how HE likes a one sided partnership.
Sandwiches and frozen dinners become the norm, get a robot vacuum, and leave the garbage bags for him to take out. He can have you for dessert
It’s like a wheel, he needs that from you he is trying to tell you, even if he is being blunt. You have communicated what you need from him. You would not be having sex with him to make him do chores you would be showing him the love he needs in his language which in turn would make him WANT to show you love with acts of service which in turn would make you happier and more likely to WANT to have sex…someone has to start the cycle. Sex is a must in a marriage especially when your partner finds it important. If sex is not possible you might have to let him go to someone who can meet him there, and then you can find someone who helps around the house with less of a sex drive. Best of luck and love
Tbh I do all that plus I work full-time 
. My other half helps out occasionally and then I have to compliment him . It’s a man’s world lolz
Show him this
I’m sorry house and family work is really not that hard, your a stay at home mom. I did all that plus make a lunch to go for my husband with 4 kids almost back to back and a dog.
Same boat love sorry I know it is tiring. We just need to stand up:/
run darling he wont change
Drop his ass a bill for housekeeping and childcare in real time costs because I promise even as the breadwinner he ain’t paying you enough.
Tell him when he’s providing for your services you’ll start putting out more. What a douche canoe
Some of the comments on here you should be ashamed.!!! 