No job… So everything you’re doing is infact your job… Welcome to adulting. Nobody likes it and it’s way over rated. Sounds like you need a good railing and so does he. Don’t be so self centered.
Sounds like he goes to work, pays the bills, doesn’t get laid at all and has a nagging ungrateful wife at home who’s upset over her life choices… Welcome to why men cheat 101.
Unpopular opinion… if he’s working a full time job and you’re not. It is your job to take care of the house and kids. I say this because I am also a stay at home mom. You will be tired, but so is he.
Have you told him that you feel unappreciated and that you desire more emotional connection in the relationship? It’s hard to connect sexually with a man when he’s not making the effort to connect with you emotionally. He may think that saying ‘I love you’ and giving you a hug before he leaves is unnecessary, but those little things are the foundation of a relationship. Until he really understands your needs, your resentment will continue to build, and the relationship will continue to erode. Have you considered counseling so that you both can talk this out?
Find some middle ground and communicate the hell out of it. Write down all the house chores and duties. See what small thing he can take on that can give you a break. Keep revisiting the conversation on how yall can be a team rather than a competition. The more you find compromise in your marriage, you’ll go much further in it. Been doing this for 15 years as a mother and wife and that balance is key. It’s hard to maintain but not impossible.
Next topic sex: Do it when you both have energy, even if it’s a quickie. Go get it on bc a sexless marriage will end one. My hubby and I like to wake up before the kids do to sneak one in. Rather than waiting at night when we’re both spent.
Wish you luck and good on you for asking for solutions.
I completely understand where you are coming from. It is so hard and having a partner that doesn’t do shit to help around the house or with the family without a phone in their face…omg:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
Not only am I going to suggest this, but I did it myself when I was in your position (me married with 3 children and a SAHM). I got to the point where I was “over it” with my now ex-husband who attempted to say, “… that’s a woman’s job” …
… I systematically “excluded” him from anything that had to with everyday living when it came to the household. I didn’t rant or rave - I simply made him a “ghost” under our roof. Some examples are:
(Plus much, much more)!!!
I basically, in silence, treated him as if he were a ghost. I wasn’t mean or vindictive … I simply made my babies and I the ONLY priority. After about a month he approached me, apologizing for inferring that a particular chore was a “woman’s job”. No our marriage didn’t last, but he definitely learned a lesson, and I’m good with that.
Side Note: I would have continued the path I was paving as long as he continued to not understand where I was coming from. Work around the home after his acknowledgement was pleasantly shared.
Best of luck ~
I think it’s pretty shitty of him to with hold saying “I love you” to her because of the lack of intimacy. I feel like there could have been a less juvenile way of handling it… I think that as a stay at home parent, you’re expected to do everything and most aren’t appreciated for it. I’ve been there, it’s easy to over work yourself and stress to make everything perfect and no one else notices other than you. With that said, make time for yourself an absolute priority.
That aside, as two grown ass adults, he should be able to just sit down with her and say I want more sex, and she could say I’m just so tired from doing everything from morning til night. Then MAYBE, if the husband isn’t a complete man child, he could offer her to take a hot shower while he takes on dinner that night, offer her a massage, get her a bottle of wine and flowers. Something, anything to put her in the mood and feel loved. Like, honestly. My wife won’t have sex with me so I’m just going to stop saying that I love her? What kind of toxic shit is that. 
Stay at home or not this is how a lot of women feel. We as women see all the things that need to be done and do them… why because they need to be done. You have to choose what road you want to take. I don’t believe that sex/intimacy should be a reward for helping to maintain a home both live in but you have to decided what is or isn’t a need for you. I work full time, parent full time, main full time and I’m married. I will admit that my husband will help if I’m specific- “take out the trash please, unload these dishes please.” I find it annoying and frustrating that I have to tell him. Men don’t see the “need” like women do. My suggestion, don’t do his laundry as often. When he runs out, let him know that it’s on your “list” of to do. When my husband runs out of laundry he then will do is own.
Sorry but there’s always a way out
Why do you do everything? How old are your kids? Do you have them do chores to help you out around the house? I mean obviously if they are under 4 you can’t have them do much but if they are over 4 you can start chores, age appropriate of course, and have some energy at the end of the night.
It sounds like you both need to hear out eachothers sides. If he soley works and provides outside of the home than like most men he is going to assume that its your job (which it is a job) to take care of the kids and the household. In order for this to work smoothly you need to have a schedule or routine and great time management. Or get a job outside the home.
I was a SAHM when all three of my kids were 3, 5, 6. And it was all about a schedule, routine and time management, and that although the house wasnt spotless it was picked up. And the key to its success is getting help from the kids aswell and clear, civil communication with your partner.
However, if it were me and my husband with held LOVE from me because I wouldnt give up sex, I would take that as a much more larger issue and seriously decide wether I wanted to stay in an emotional abusive relationship.
Men are most affectionate when they’re sexual needs are met. Try taking it easy with the chores and work out a schedule. If SAHM of 5 or more kids can do it, so can u sis. I’m a SAHM of 1, part time education student, and doing my business from home. But there is always time for us. Everyday.
Stop doing everything. He will see how much u do when u don’t do it. Or hire a cleaning service so you aren’t so exhausted
Love playing victim lmao.
So something doesn’t get done. When the kids are grown and gone you still need a relationship. Make time for him And make time for you. Big it’s nap time it’s you time to refresh your batteries. Necessary
Yeah I know it frustrating but worth it .anger is not
I work 40 hrs a week. Do 90% Of the housework/cooking Bring our child to daycare (even on his day off) and still split the bills with my husband even though I make 1/3 of what he does. Girl you have the life. Shut up and give him some.
Tell him you’ll give it up more when he helps out around the house more. Flip the script on him.
I’d be going on strike at that point. There’s no reason a woman should have to put up with a man trying to coerce or bully her into sex. That is beyond gross. If he wants sex, he can put in the effort.
Withholding affection because you aren’t giving it up is NOT cool. There is a term for selfish people like that.
You both need to talk to each other about your love languages. It looks like his is service and yours is affirmations.
I’ll probably get hate from this but, your story is exactly the same as mine. Absolutely NO HELP. I do everything as well. But I’m also old school. I want him to help but this is who he is. Either you except him for who he is or you get out. I’m staying together for my kids. I’m 36 and have been with my s/o for 16 years. If HE pays all the bills AND my car note, it is MY JOB to do everything else. Yes I can’t stand that he doesn’t help but you do what you need to do and that’s it! Too many people divorce or leave its ridiculous. Stay together for the love of God and stop complaining. Give it up its not that hard. Just my opinion
Well go to your girl friends house with kids and let him be alone… mabe he will realize that a small effort means allot to woman stuck at home all day.
Motherhood is a high calling - getting to shape lives for the rest of their lives. Focus on that. It sounds like you are doing a very good job of it! 
A man goes out in to the world and who knows what stresses he faces with his job - co-corkers, etc. He comes home exhausted but you see him come home and sit, right?
I did i all alone with 3 then 5 when I was widowed at 27 with 3 … then several years alter with 5 when husband #2 left … for 29 years.
It was so worth it!
Be glad he is supporting you. Being a mom and a homemaker is not a 50/50 deal … He had his role and you have yours.
Trust me, never hold your sex life hostage as a means of control. There again, men view it very differently, than we romantic females.
Have the kids in bed earlier enough that you 2 can be sweethearts if only once day watching t.v., etc., Then you will want to give yourself to him 
When we set situations up it can be hard to break them. You sound overwhelmed and that ain’t sexy to anyone. Especially our partners. When we nag our partners it creates a disconnect. I’m not sure how old your kids are but they can help you with chores in the house to. Pick your battles though. If the dishes don’t get done today but some other room does, be happy with that. Small steps to move mountains.
Hear me out. Start giving him the love he’s requesting first (be the bigger person) then watch him do all the things you’re requesting.
My suggestion would be to hire a cleaning service once a week and get it all sorted out over a period of time. If your kids are in school,go out and get your hair and nails done dress up and feel fabulous for you! He will wonder what is going on. If he says anything about the service of having the housework done just sweetly remind him you are trying to meet him half way and that when he can start helping out the service will go away. Until then you need a day to unwind,do you so you can feel rested and ready for whatever romantic getaway he might have planned. Men have to take responsibility too,not taking you for granted and doing the little things.
I mean u aren’t working…house work is technically your job…you aren’t doing it ALL alone. You don’t pay the bills which you would do if you were single and you’d still have to do house work and watch your kids or pay for daycare.
I’d start by finding a job outside of the home. Save up what you can. If he still doesn’t want to help and expects you to do everything, then leave. If he can’t pull his own weight around the house then what the hell do you need him for? He’s a grown man and you’re not his mother. He can help.
I don’t want to sound mean or anything but…… When I work all day I sure as heck don’t want to come home to do chores. You do the housework on your own. You don’t do everything on your own. He works and pays all bills. He’s doing his job. Take it easy. If the laundry doesn’t get done today, it’ll be okay! If you soak the dishes in soapy water and wait til morning, it’ll be okay! He’s wanting some affection and love. Give it to him and watch him actually want to help out around the house. He’s pretty much telling you that. You both work. He’s asking for some lovin… you probably would feel better after some too 
Spread chores out more and make more time for sexy time. Do your hair. Relax before he gets home…take a long bath beforehand…make yourself feel sexy and start giving it up more. Got to make time for your spouse. Send him sexy pics as soon as he gets off work so he comes home in the mood while you are still stimulated… When a person works,they dont want to come home to the stress of taking care of kids or house. There have been times me and hubby switched it up and i worked while he watched the kids and did housework. I did not want to do anything when got home or on my days off. However,when i worked i had to bc he was an awful stay at home mom. Lol. Place was a wreck by the weekend. Glad the kids survived. So…i just ask my husband to take out trash every now and then and leave it at that. Glad to be a SAHM now.
Seek marriage counseling. Have a good talk with him about love languages. Yours is that you need a partner , his is physical. Neither of you are getting what you need so you both have to compromise.
Make a list of everything that needs to get done daily, weekly and monthly. Sit down with him and decide who is responsible for what.
Explain to him that you want both of you to be happy and fulfilled, in order for that to happen, you need a partner to lighten your load because you are exhausted.
Never say things like help me do this or can you help me do that. This insinuates that these are your chores and you own them. Instead, look at your marriage like a business. You and your husband are equal partners in this business. You wouldn’t do all the work for equal benefits, just like one person in a marriage shouldn’t be doing all the work for equal benefits.
My husband works hard long hours and he comes home tired ready to relax I stay home and do absolutely everything around the house with 3 kids and I guess I’ve just gotten use to it but don’t get me wrong he takes out the trash and plays with the boys while I cook and helps with folding clothes what works for others doesn’t mean it works for you but you two need to be a team we have been married for 14 yrs now and we’ve had our share of fights but we always make up and we love each other so much that we respect each other and communicate a lot it’s always important to have a balance try sitting down and talking with him talking not screaming not fighting tell him you really need his help good luck
Only do what you can in a day. Make a list of stuff you do & then let’s say on Monday is clean & vacuum the kitchen & living room, Tuesday I’ll clean the bathroom(s) Wednesday will be the bedroom(s) Thursday will be Laundry day. Then on Friday-Sunday just keep stuff picked up over the weekend & then start all over again on Monday. Also plan out your meals for the week. Cook in the crockpot (they have liners that go in them now & it’s easy to pull it out & throw it away. No scrubbing the crockpot pot) have him give the kids a bath while you clean up the kitchen after supper. You don’t have to be super mom all the time. It’s not going to hurt your house to miss one day of cleaning.
What does he do? Does he work 40+ hour work weeks? Does he bring in the money to pay for all the food and bills? Do you ever thank him for that? Does he pay for everything like heat, water and electric? It’s a two way street…
I been there… I’m dealing with severe anxiety now… Do what’s best for you and not for the kids. The kids will be fine either way
Yes if he is working a full time job and providing for your family and your a stay at home mom and wife, then technically the house work is part of that. If you did work outside the home, you would still have to come home and do a lot of that on top of working. Sadly my husband and I both work outside the home and I do most of the housework and cooking. I do believe a husband should pull his weight and help out too but truthfully, you stay at home and really should do most of it. Now when he is at home or off work, I do believe he should pitch in and lend a hand if you are over whelmed because a mothers work is never done. You do deserve a break as well. Maybe take a day during the weekend and have some time to yourself. Hope things work out for you!
You need to look at the house as YOUR JOB set yourself up a schedule…give ur self a day off every week!!
How old are the kids? Give them chores based on age,
Trash, put away clothes/dishes, vacuum, start training them young and teaching them good cleaning habits.
I’m assuming he works 40 hours so that’s his job to pay for EVERYTHING
Bills,
food, rent, utilities clothes,make up,phone, internet, gas car payment, car insurance,
How much is your monthly bills???
How do you help him pay the bills ???
I mean u want him to help you do ur part but ur not gunna help him with his part?
The other option is go to work get a job hire a babysitter and a maid…
That’s marriage I did it with 4 kids when my kids got older got a job besides been married 60 yrs quit feeling sorry for your self do your best
If her “job”’is the house then does she get off at 5 too? No. Her job is 24/7 where I bet he works 8 hours. If he’s not helping when he gets home it’s WRONG. She’s prob “working” from early in the morning till late at night because parenting doesn’t stop at 5 pm. Saying it’s “her job” if she doesn’t work outside the home is ridiculous.
I had 6 children of our own and he was only around on weekends. Needless to say I did it alone. I took in kids to babysit to make a little extra money. You can complain all you want but you are the only one that can change it. Nothing anyone on here says isn’t changing it for you until you change yourself
Tell him that you cannot find him sexually attractive if you are being his mother.
Well, I’d stop cleaning so much and have sex with him, that way, you both get some stress relief.
Have you gone on strike ??? Tell him… if you want sex, wash the dishes. Or, vacuum, or cook, or…
This may not sound nice but if you are with holding sex, it’s only going to back fire on you. Men are different creatures than women and will only go and find it somewhere else. If your husband is working Full time and provides for you and the children he isn’t asking alot. Holding out on sex will only encourage bitterness and drive a wedge into the relationship.
I love how so many of you are like “just give him the love and affection”
But somehow none of you are considering the fact that it’s easier to give love and affection when you are receiving some sort of love and affection in return, which she is not. OP stated that in her relationship all of that stopped BECAUSE she wasn’t giving it up. Clearly the OP is overwhelmed, doesn’t matter if housework is apart of being a stay at home mom or that’s her “job” or whatever, none of that matters. Why? Because like the rest of us she’s a human being and she’s allowed to be burned out, which she clearly is. And when you’re burned out, are you really in the mood to have sex just because your spouse wants you to? No.
Oh and I’d also like to point out that being a stay at home mom is one of the HARDEST jobs you can have because you NEVER leave the job. You don’t have lunch breaks, you don’t have any breaks and you’re on call 24/7/365 for 18 years. Her husband gets to leave work for a few hours and not think about it again until the next day, she doesn’t. Most of yall should know that.
My advice to the OP, sweetie, you and your husband are both clearly at an impasse in your marriage. It’s fixable though, totally fixable. All you need is a little calm communication and a compromise.
If I were you, I’d start small, I’d apologize for being cranky (because let’s face it, you’re talking to a man and you gotta be the bigger person to get what you need) and proceed to explain how overwhelmed you’ve been feeling and that being the reason why you haven’t been in the mood much lately. Then tell him how you want that to change but all your asking for is just a little help here and there. Maybe a night out with your friends while he watches the kids. Or a day in bed with your favorite show/book while he watches the kids. Or just him doing little chores here and there to lighten your load just a little bit. There are plenty of different compromises for your situation, you just have to find one that works for you and yours😊
Tell ur husband u need at least an hour set aside a day for urself to relax, recenter and such. That’s what my therapist told me to when I was with my ex. He did work two jobs and yes obviously as a stay at home mom it’s your responsibility to clean up after the children care for them cook clean the house do all that stuff but that doesn’t mean that you are a maid or a robot. If your partner is unwilling to help with stuff that you need then he can expect you to satisfy his needs on top of running the household. I’m sorry but men who work and expect women to do everything even though they’re a stay at home mom that’s bullshit yes you’re working and providing for the family but that doesn’t mean that you get a free pass to not help with the children you created. My ex was the same way though, he worked two jobs which props to him and as a stay at home mom yes the responsibilities of the house and kids fell on me. BUT that doesn’t mean that it’s all on you as women even if we work full-time also we are still expected to come home cook clean take care of the children and that’s not right when it comes to kids both parents should do their part. You are probably stuck in the house 24 seven and don’t actually get a break you don’t get to take showers by yourselves eat a hot meal sit down and relax and I’m sure when he gets home from work he does get to sit down and relax for a little bit he gets a hot meal he gets showers by himself. So he needs to give you at least an hour a day to yourself to do whatever you want to do and he needs to take on the responsibilities of the household while you have your hour and it can go both ways too he gets an hour and you get an hour
Sounds like someone may need to go to couples counseling
I’m also a sahm, I do everything, plus take care of our 3 kids,I babysit another toddler and run a small business. (I do my extra stuff because I enjoy taking several extra vacations a year:woman_shrugging:) My husband works 80+ hour weeks, we still make sure we have our alone frequently! So it’s possible you just have to want to make the time. I know we get overwhelmed sometimes, but there’s no way I’d expect my husband to make sure we’re provided for and come home and clean or do shit after a 16 hour work day!(his job is very labor intensive) He makes the sacrifice to bust his ass so I can raise our babies, I’ll make the sacrifice to take care of everything else. He still helps around the house on his days off or takes care of the man stuff. But in the end it’s all about compromise 
.
Yeah he’s being a dick
I wonder if he could mplains when it isn’t completed every single day? Like my husband is exactly the same, but even with sex he isn’t gonna do diddly 
but he is fine with a maid once bi weekly to do the heavy stuff I don’t get to, and he’s fine with dishes in the sink, and his favorite pair of shorts in the hamper once in a while. Is HE pressuring you? Or are you pressuring your self? Those are hard to answer, but I realized it was me being hard on myself and not giving me the energy to fulfill his needs.
I cannot believe the amount of hidden misogyny in these comments coming from women!If him being nice to you and doing more than the bare minimum requires you to have sex with him like it’s another job that’s not love!
That’s coercion!
Also SEX IS NOT A LOVE LANGUAGE!!!
https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdrY1JJn/
Watch this video with an open mind, it could change your marriage for the better
That’s very selfish of him to use sex as an excuse not to contribute as an adult in the home. Whether he works all day or not, so do you. When he gets home, then he should contribute and help with his children and his home. A relationship should be team work. You aren’t his maid and don’t need another child to take care of. My spouse helps with the children, cooks dinner every other night and helps with clean up. My previous marriage was like what you are describing, I became resentful towards him ,burnt out and eventually left and divorced him. To me he was a man child that expected me to do everything on my own. Men have these expectations of how woman should be, and honestly most men need to pull their head out of their ass because women will leave and find someone who is actually an adult and wants to help carry the load of his woman so that she is less stressed. Your man using sex as a thing that if he got it more then he would help more is ignorant and childish. Maybe if he actually helped lessen your load, gave you that time to unwind during the day then you would be in the mood. It goes deeper than just having help though, relationships need communication, physical touch throughout the day, laughing together etc. Spending time together, just the two of you.
Judging by these comments some of y’all just ain’t cut for this wife and mom shit:laughing:
Same thing happened to me. He said “no sex no money to pay bills”
I went to a shelter with all my kids…
Seems like your either a perfectionists or a workaholic…maybe both. Make a to do list that has you doing certain chores for say 4 or 6 hrs of the day. Then stop! Dont put anymore stress upon yourself. It can wait for another time, as tomorrow is another day. Then pamper yourself a little. Take a nap. Paint your nails. Watch tv. Whatever. But use this time for you. Then when hubby comes home, your not stressed and worn out.
Get a job even if it’s part time evenings. You need adult conversation, it will make you feel better 
even when you give it up ,men still are usually a couch potato ,every household is different ,but there has to be a compromise on both partys ,just make sure the kids are taken care of and he can do for himself ,also sounds as if something else on the side may be going on ,i never stop telling my wife of 30 yrs that i love her ,no matter what shape the house is in ,hope yall work it out
Get a job.the opposite hrs as his.teach him a lesson. So when he gets home. He has to watch the kids . So you can go to work. That’ll also give you time…
Dude that’s straight up manipulative shit on his part. You do NOT owe anyone sex, even your husband. He sounds like an absolute dick. Tbh
Get a job. Stop making excuses.
That’s gaslighting do what everyone eise does
Find childcare get a job get out
Housework can wait. Work on your marriage. A happy life is more important than a clean house.
Teĺ him foreplay starts with doing the dishes.
Tell him to get with 20th century.
Go get a job, pay half the bills, tell him to do half of the housework.
Change what you do & yourself & let the chips fall as they may. You cannot make him do nothing. Don’t nag.
Don’t worry about the house and laundry etc. Take care if you and the kids. Since he doesn’t are why should you. See how he acts or feels when his clothes are dirty house is dirty. I’m sure at some point he’ll ash his clothes. Give it up like he says. Stay strong you can do it.
Don’t do the house work, put urself first. save the energy for him and then hel soon realize his mistake when he doesn’t have clean clothes or a good meal. Get urself a part time job/work from home and build urself up. Good luck.
There’s always a way out.
ps. Run