I'm genuinely confused and new to the dating world

I had met a guy back in August, we went on a date and nothing happened the first night. We got together weeks after that, there was a lot of drinking involved, and we slept together. I developed feelings for him, but he was honest and told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious. We continued to talk and hang out, have sex, etc, alcohol involved each time. Here we are in January, and the past 3 times we’ve hung out, no sex at all. I’m genuinely confused, I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to ask and seem like that’s all I’m looking for, but at the same time, it kinda is

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm genuinely confused and new to the dating world

Sorry, but you are a drunk booty call…Move on

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So y’all can touch genitals, but you can’t talk to him about only wanting sex? That’s weird. But honestly, it sounds like he has an interest in someone else and doesn’t want the benefits anymore from you aka his friend with benefits.

He said from the start he wasn’t looking for anything :woman_shrugging: move on as he isn’t interested in anything permanent.

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You are just a friends with benefits to him babygirl.

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My grandma always said
“You’ll never find the right one, as long as you’re under the wrong one”

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Save yourself a lot of grief and pain and cut it off before it goes any further and you develop more feelings! He’s clearly said he doesn’t want a relationship so I would just cut it off. No need to play those games with him.

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No shortage of guys out there looking for a FWB! Move on.

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I’ just be straight up… like look, you said you weren’t looking for any thing, that’s fine I get it. But does that mean we can’t be FWB (friends with benefits) still in the mean time BC I liked that. Haha. Right?

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Right cause if he’s not looking for anything else what else is it

Lower your expectations. He’s just not into you…

He doesn’t want anything more - which is fine. You’re not in the same place. No hard feelings. Move on.

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As grandma said as long as u give him the milk ur not going to find the one that wants the cow with it, where were u when I was looking around?

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Have you tried talking to him?
Are y’all like, established booty calls/fwb or something? Or just friends?
I need more details. Spill the tea :tea: :eyes:

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Than next time you hang out just say it ‘soooo wanna have sex?’ :rofl: lol but fr

Maybe he’s starting to get more into you & his feelings have changed? Or maybe he’s got other stuff on his mind? I feel like since you guys were just FWB if he wasn’t interested anymore he would probably just ghost you why even hang then lol something else must be up

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You need to speak up. Ask him. If the answer isn’t what you want to hear, you need to say so… If you’re OK with being platonic friends, then it needs to be ONLY that.

Know your value and don’t settle for less.

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Well he was honest with you about not being in a serious relationship, now you be honest about the whole sex thing, lol :joy:

Men like to screw with the mind lol. Just walk away, nothing good is going to come of this.

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Recently been through something similar. Honestly, I’d cut him off and go find someone who wants what you want. One sided feelings will fuck you up. Especially if he finds someone else or ends up getting someone else pregnant. Learned from experience.

Cut that off. Trust me, it’s going to be nothing but heartache honey.

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He feels your getting too close he don’t have it for you. You can’t make someone love you You can’t When someone loves you it’s the way you talk or the very smell of you or the way you smile. Things like that. You can’t make that happen. It’s like magic

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What did you do the last 3 times? Where you sober?

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Ask him what’s up? The only way you’ll get an answer is by asking him directly. There’s no need to beat around the bush wondering

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I’m so confused by these comments lmfao. If he doesn’t want to have sex but wants to hang out id definitely just communicate that you’re confused about what y’all are doing. Does he only want to be friends, is he catching feelings etc. doesn’t have to be a big deal and whatever it is is okay but you’ve been feeling a change in the dynamic.

Sounds like to me hes tryna spare your feelings by not sleeping with you.

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Were the last few times you were together drinking times aswell. Or are you only intimate when alchohol is involved? .

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Sounds like you got used

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Friends with benefits don’t have sex every time they hang out…that’s where the friend part comes in. If all you want is sex you need to let it known.

Maybe he has found some one , he does have an interest in but keeping you around for the hard times. When the now future relationship is being neglected in that area. I’m there , so I can sympathize. All though there in an open relationship and she and I know of each other we are friends.

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Maybe he’s waiting to see if you’ll initiate it first? Has he always been the one to initiate?

Leave alcohol out of the equation, especially if you get the feels that easy. I’m not knocking you but alcohol isn’t an excuse for having sex with him. I mean, sure, it makes things easier but the next day, you’ll almost always regret it if there are “feelings”. You know “you”, especially when alcohol is involved. Don’t put yourself in that situation. Sounds like he was only after that to begin with. Use this as a lesson and move on. Don’t let it happen again bc the hurt is too much for you. I’d be the same. That’s why I don’t sleep with anyone and have boundaries, especially when alcohol is involved.

If you’re giving him your body whenever he wants it im sure you can speak up and ask what’s up.

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sounds like he might have found it elsewhere

Thats the problem with dating sites
Most of the men don’t want anything serious but be careful because they will tell you anything to get one thing from you.
It’s pretty hard to find someone genuine on a dating site sadly
You gotta stand firm on your morals or you’ll get used time and time again

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Maybe he got a gf and still wants a friend…guys usually want sex.

#1 reason that I do not put myself out there.
I am just not ready yet.
Oh, I could. I have a 23 year old chasing after me.
I said no.
:cry:
:sunglasses::innocent:

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He’s not into you. Sorry.

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Omg. Y’all have screwed while drunk. It’s drunk sex he don’t like it like that.

He is backing off cause you caught feelings

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Shaz Anne Castles this reminds me of someone I use to hang around with

Walk away u gona get hurt…

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Possibly realised that its unfair to continue having sex with you, especially after drinking. He sees you as a friend and wants to keep it on the straight and narrow x

People are dodging commitment an it seems to me also people are looking for help rather than love it’s a new Era

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Just use protection an beware of ghosting/ One night stands an hide ya purse :white_check_mark:

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If you can’t have an honest conversation with people with whom you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. Just talk to him and get clarification and then act accordingly.

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Be honest and tell him all you’re looking for is sex. If he isn’t down, find a new friend. Keep it honest and one partner so nobody catches anything.

He is definitely having sex with someone else or is in a relationship already.

Before you sleep with a guy build up a friendship. He told you he’s not looking for something serious. That means he’s happy to play around with no commitment. If that’s what you want too that’s fine. But if a guy tells me he’s not looking for something serious I’m outta there. He wants a f**k buddy. And that’s all fine if ye want the same thing.

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Hes not into you your a hangout as hs with someone eles that’s how she rolls these days

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He used you sweetie- he told you he was looking- unfortunately this is supposedly “common” now. But “old School” is the best - no surprises inside or out. Drop him and move on. You can not force love or respect - :heart::v:t4:

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If that’s what you want, ask him why he isn’t putting out anymore lol

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You’re in the friend zone that’s why.

Well he did say he didn’t want anything serious. So he probably getting some elsewhere. Sure hope you are using protection on your drunken nights

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Ok, at first you started getting feelings, but now are ok with just friends as long as the friendship continues to have all the perks of a relationship, but without commitment?

Honestly, none of us know how HE feels or what’s going on with him. It could be, he is getting feelings for you OR someone else he is talking to or seeing, so naturally doesn’t want to sleep with anyone else… or could just feel bad for sleeping with you knowing he don’t have feelings further for you… or a million reasons. Ask him is the best thing you can do and if you don’t trust or like the answer… let him go, but under ZERO circumstances keep sleeping with him hoping for more when he was clear it’s just FWB type deal from the start. It is setting your self up for heartache

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U will never know if u don’t ask

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Biggest red flag :triangular_flag_on_post: the only time any sex is involved when alcohol has been consumed.

Even if he was into you the relationship would start of toxic because of that

You’ve been friend zoned , he was straight up with you from the Start and if he was into you this would be something you woudnt even need to be questioning. Attraction only goes so far in life , I’m sure you already can feel that something just doesn’t fit so stop looking for the missing piece and go find all the pieces that fit together with the right guy.

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Just try to fuck him again. If he goes along with it great, but if he doesn’t you’ll have your answer & get this conversation you’re scared to have with him over with. Sex without commitment is a dangerous game when you know you have feelings; sounds like you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

He may still like being around you and either thinks your getting attached so trying to set a boundary so he can still hang around you. Or he’s trying to see if there’s more to it out of curiosity. Like he doesn’t wanna say anything but is wondering if yall can have a good time no sex involved cause he is starting to like you.

If that’s all your looking for is sex there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you guys are on the same page about it.

he was very honest with you to begin with. And he does like you enough to hang out with & sometimes have sex with, Ask him, That you have the right, If the sex is good, why not. Even in this ‘thing’ that is all it is about,sex

He told you he’s not looking for anything serious. Believe him and move on. Nothing worse than you hurting your own feelings because you didn’t listen and caught feelings when he made it very clear

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Communication is key.

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He’s doing you a favor … he could probably tell you fell in love with the d so he’s falling back, hes trying not to send you the wrong signals. If you dont want his friendship and looking just for sex… start seeking other options.

Talk to him. Quit worrying about what he’ll think of you and just talk to him.

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He’s probably sleeping with someone else but keeping you interested so you’re still an option.

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He’s fucking someone else now

I’m not trying to be mean but when they say “I’m not looking for anything serious” that usually means you’re not what they’re looking for but they still wanna have sex. He may have started dating someone that he can see himself getting serious with which could be the reason he hasn’t wanted to sleep with you the past couple times you’ve been together.
The best thing to do is just ask him what’s going on and if you’re wanting more than he is then end it now before it drags on any longer and someone gets hurt.

There is no commitment. Does he owe you anything, really? You teach people how to treat you.

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So I’m confused… you weren’t looking for just sex, but he was, you caught feelings. He was honest. Now you don’t want him to think all you want is sex, but you do?

The solution is simple… talk to him. None of us know what’s going on in his head. The only way to figure that out is to… talk… I mean, you’re both adults, so just have an adult conversation about what and where your relationship is. If what he wants isn’t what you want, or vice versa, then just end it and move on.

Just talk to him. That’s the only way you’ll get a straight answer. I think he friend-zoned you.

Good enough to hang out with, sex when he needs it, and he can still play with others. He’s got all he needs I think as far as he’s concerned.
Once you add that sex thing in there and you’re not on the same page it changes things big time.

Simple. Seems like you need to have a DTR (define the relationship) talk with him and just be honest about what you’re wanting.

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He told you he doesn’t want anything serious, you keep sleeping with him so he will keep taking advantage of that as he told you what he wants. If you want more, you’ll have to stop sleeping with him and find someone who wants more.

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Sounds like…you’re his just in case side chick.
Just in case he’s horny+can’t find it elsewhere…
Except this,because he’s already told you he isn’t interested in having anything else with you,or move on.

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Sounds like he is just playing a game…he knows if he cant find it elsewhere a few drinks and your like pudy in his hands…personally I would either carry on feelings aside or do a clean break and shut it all down and find someone who is in it for you not what they can gain

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Sex isn’t everything in a relationship

I think you’re best off with that dildo that was laying on the field against the Patriots. I’m sure you can convince “it” to go all in. ….you made the mistake sleeping with him so soon, keep doing that, the repetition will remain constant.

Let it go. If he contacts you, talk to him & ask him if his situation has changed. If it hasn’t, move on.

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He most likely is bored or found someone else. He doesn’t owe you anything or an explanation.

This happened to me minus alcohol and now we been dating for over a year :joy: we didnt want anything serious either 🤦🏼

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He got his sex. And you were easy. Now he wants another piece of cake. You’re a side piece just in case.

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Hes already told you he wasnt that in to you …so what did you expect.

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Most guys who are that honest will let ya know if ya ask.

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Girl. He said he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you. Why push your feelings onto him? He just wants to have sex with you. Why make it more?

Well he might’ve found someone he was more interested in he was upfront from the start you could talk to multiple guys too you know you don’t gotta stick with one best part of being single you can do whatever you want if a guy gives red flags text another dude

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I wouldn’t fish for opinions. I’d ask the friend why he stopped the sex.

You get what you ask for
Get smart find a real man to be
With not just a one night stand

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It’s January now sweetie, if yall ain’t hooked up as far as a relationship and now yall ain’t even fuckin, you might as well move around sis. You can communicate how you feel and see what he says, can’t hurt anything :woman_shrugging:

I would believe him when he says he doesn’t want anything serious. It will just eat at you if you try to make it more.

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Your bein used get some self respect

Welcome to the world of the FWB…Please place your feelings on the top shelf . Please buckle up because this will be a bumpy ride ! In most cases like this you are not the only one he has told the same thing to and will continue on this route until he meets a better player than himself.

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He has other women he is sleeping with. You have no commitment he doesn’t have to explain. Your just a side chick so move on and play smart.

U should’ve cut it off when u developed feelings and he didnt. Now your over thinking because he hasn’t wanted sex. Your feelings are getting the best of you so talk to him. If he still isn’t Interested then cut him loose

He straight up told you.
People will show you who they are.Believe them the first time.

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Lady, don’t expect any man to respect you,if you don’t respect yourself.

Lol really ?:rofl::joy_cat: your just a side piece :woman_facepalming:t3: he told you he doesn’t have feelings for you so why should it matter ?

If that’s all you’re looking for then ask for it lol. No wasting time hanging out if there’s no future.