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QUESTION:
"My daughter is getting married and has a good job and so does her guy BUT her dad and I are helping pay for the wedding! My daughter has planned everything without anyone’s help and she doesn’t want it! How do the other moms go about not feeling hurt and a little pissed because we are giving so much money???"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You have to remember It’s her day… I assume you offered to help pay in the first place? I’m sure she is grateful for the financial help in making it just how she wants it and not what others want…"
"You offered to help finance it, not planning. I’d be sad I wasn’t included in the planning rather than focused on the money."
"If you offered to pay for HER wedding…then that’s on you. She’s just trying to make her wedding what she envisioned, and planning it how she wants it. Ask her to throw some money towards it if that’s the issue. I personally hate when other people or too many people try to get involved with something I’m planning because I’m a control freak and I know exactly what I want. So maybe that’s her angle? …Or if she’s your daughter, you could…just talk to her… that’s always a good one."
"So your daughter has planned her dream wedding and you are mad because she didn’t ask you what your dream was?"
"You offered financial support… that doesn’t come with any planning rights. It’s her day and she should be the one to plan it. Simple as that."
"What you’re doing is a gift. You don’t give gifts with strings attached."
"That’s easy, I care about my daughter’s dream for her wedding more than mine. Ask if you can throw her a bridal shower if you want to get more involved. I’d recommend talking to your child rather than being pissed she has a vision for HER wedding."
"She likely just has her own ideas of what her wedding should be. Maybe she didn’t want you to help because she didn’t want you to try to change her mind. I hope that my daughter will include me but in the end it is a day all about her and her dreams."
"I understand where your coming from. It would be so nice if she just included you to share the joy of planning. You accepting her ideas & choices but alongside her as a supportive mother. It’s something y’all could remember & bond over. As far as the money I would have put a limit on it if you are not comfortable with her possibly going overboard. Maybe just share with her that you’d like to be alongside her to enjoy these moments & support her. Not tell her what to do but just enjoy the time together & bond."
"If you chose to help her pay that’s on you to pay but the details of the wedding are entirely your daughters choice"
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