I am currently 6 1/2 months pregnant. My ex-partner left when I was ten weeks, and I am really struggling. We had a fantastic relationship and went through a bad patch for like two weeks a lot of people got involved, and it ended really badly. I’ve been very ill since I got pregnant I somehow got pulmonary embolisms. He hasn’t come to see me in the hospital nor attended any appointments. I have probably over contacted him to try and keep him involved. I hate the thought of my baby not being raised in a happy household. So then this week I received a solicitor’s letter stating to please stop contacting my client that I even called him 14 times in one day ( I did regrettably do this the day I was admitted to the high dependency unit with the blood clots). It also states he will be a dedicated father once the baby is born and has “reserved any parental rights” I just don’t understand I’ve been nothing but probably too nice to him since we spilled. It’s worth noting I moved countries for this relationship so my support network is minimal and I’m really struggling. It doesn’t help I’ve been put on sick leave till after the baby is born, so the days are long. I just want to make things as amicable as possible or has it just gone past that? It’s really destroying me. I just want support and someone to be there with me through this my heart breaks for the baby. I can’t move home as I can’t travel for medical reasons. Any advice, please?
Do you have any family or friends that could help you?
Can you find a doula? At least then you’d have someone to lean on.
Keep that paper for sure. Forget about the worries of him and worry about you and the baby
Take care of yourself and your baby and let that man go.
Cut him off. Fuck that
I would move home. Either way you are in a very unhealthy situation. Best to have your medical providers help you in going back home.
I can probably guarantee he is going to take you to court for full custody and use your medical issues and your “stalking” behavior to demonstrate your instability.
I don’t think you had a strong and “fantastic” relationship if two weeks of hardship broke you up. Sometimes we need to be really honest with ourselves in order to move forward and move on.
I would stop calling him. Can any of your family come to you to help you through this? Or a friend? Are there any doulas around your area? Sometimes you might be able to find one that will help you because of your situation.
Stop contacting him, he’s already issued an order.
What state are you in? I am willing to help and keep you company if in the Dallas area…I’ve been in your shoes, i know how you feel
You need to stop messaging and calling him. After baby is here, move home if at all possible. That man got a lawyer. Hes probably going to try to get you for harrassment if you keep bothering him.
The hospital should have patient advocates that can help. As a nurse.
I would move home. You are going to need family to help you through this.
Wow - that is an extreme response on his part. Move home now if at all possible. Once the baby is born he can make it difficult for you to do so.
Move in from him if he don’t want to be bother or have anything to do with this child don’t force him too take care of yourself and let that man go
Forget him…you don’t need that type of cruel person in your life at all!
Maybe if you move back close to home would you have a better support system. It sounds like he may not ne a good father figure if he doesnt want to have anything to so with you or the pregnancy at all. Sometimes it’s better to raise the kid without a father than with a bad father.
If he doesn’t care to go to appointments or ask about the baby, I would just cut him out. Don’t tell him when it’s born, how it is, anything. He can make that effort.
Get a lawyer and move the hell on
He got a lawyer. Move home before that baby is born.
As much as it will hurt you need to just let it go. He went as far as a solicitor so I would drop him and move on. Right now you need to focus on you and your baby. Your physical and mental health are important. The less you stress over him the better. Sadly many of us have been in the situation where the father leaves but you know what…you CAN and will do just fine without him. He has made it clear he does NOT care. Get your health better, have your little one and then move home to family. Get a lawyer and be prepared and get full custody and child support. Do not worry about him, do not contact him anymore. He knows the due date I assume so leave it at that. Prepare your life for you and baby. One day someone will walk into your life and stay but until then focus on your health! I wish you the best of luck and if you need a friend or someone to talk to I’m a message away. When I was going through things having a friend to talk to helped a lot.
He’s going to try to put you in jail I would move home with my baby have my baby in my hometown and not reach out ever again
Don’t put him on the birth certificate. I was in a similar situation, and it saved me a lot of hardship.
Him and the lawyer could try to take that baby I would definitely move the hell away from him and leave him alone
Forget him and make do with what u have.
You need to get home. He could go for custody which is fine but don’t keep messaging him it will make you look crazy. See if you can find a way to go back home. You’re going to need some support.
have u got family near u i would move house wouldnt tell him to were abouts it shown u he is a sperm donar he not bothered about u or is kid
That baby will have a happy home as long as you make it one…
Take one moment at a time. In this moment think of your baby and your health. Everything else will fall into place and you will adapt.
That’s terrible! I’m really feel for you! Is there ANY way you can get home before this baby is born?? Once it is, there is no way he is going to let you go back home! You need to go now!!
If he wants to be left alone then let it drop. You can’t force someone to be involved, he’s a jerk for abandoning the mother of his child. I’d move back home when baby is born if you can, I’d leave him off the birth certificate until he actually proves he’ll be a father. Try and focus on the baby instead, try and be strong for you both. You’ve got this! 
Do not listen to anyone telling you to take the baby and run. That will land you in jail. And kidnapping. And also if he already has a lawyer you’ll be lucky not to leave the state you are in untill baby is 18.
I know due to PE it’s hard to travel. Are you in the U.S.? If so, did you come from over seas?
If at all possible, I’d try to
Make it home before the baby is born. Express to your doctor the urgency and they can start a plan of care for safe travel.
If you think you can move back home without risking the health of you or the baby then I would do it. Make the baby a citizen of the country you were born in before you have trouble leaving with a child that is a citizen of a different country. I know it’s hard but try and breathe through all of this. You need to stay as calm as possible. If he can’t be civil without a lawyer then he is very immature. He can still be a father but I wouldn’t involve yourself with until after the baby is born. I hope things get better for you soon.
You and your kid WILL have a happy home my baby daddy walked out left me alone with his 2 kids we have the HAPPIEST home since he’s gone there is no annimosity or hostility or anger in our household and finally when I got happy at that place doing it on my own finally got settled in a 3 bedroom so they each have a room now good things will come when your not searching for them focus on you and healthy baby get better stay strong you can do this
You need to go home if you can for support. I am not trying to be mean but that man doesn’t have to support YOU, just the baby. If the guy wants you to leave him alone then leave him alone. Your baby will be happy as long as you and the dad respect each other and each other’s boundaries, and it sounds like you are the one violating that respect at this point.
Also, if the man is the father then put him on the damn birth certificate. As far as the baby’s last name you can make it whatever you want but he reserves the right to have his name as a part of that child’s name whether you two figure it out before you leave the hospital or in court afterwards
Let go of the pain. He is pain. Let him go. You have to for this baby, you have to let go. Then you’ll feel healthier. He sounds like bad news and now he is making you out to be the bad guy in the story. Don’t fall for this bullshit. Erase the number, any connections you could have with him. It will hurt but once your over him, you’ll be free and you can breath.
As easy as it may sound to move back home for support it is hard . If you move out of state /country . There can be legal issues that force you to move back to the hometown in which the father resides . He already has a lawyer . So it’s best interest that you reach out to legal aid for a lawyer and min to no cost to you and tell them what’s going on and go from there . He doesn’t seem like a nice guy if he has gone they this extent but good luck to you !
Remember the people reaching out to you. Those are your true friends.
I know bed rest has you overthinking and reliving the betrayal. You need time and space from him to focus on your health and baby. It’s harder than you’d think, especially since he was your lifeline in a new country. I’d work on planning what’s best for baby now: where will you live, how soon can you travel there, what will life look like in a year, etc. Don’t count on anyone else, but build up your strength so baby can count on you. You and baby do not need someone who’d abandon you at such a time. Think about your future. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.
You need to get home. Get home now. Once this baby is born your not going to be able to leave. He seems like he’s going to fight not stop. If he is already sending letters from a lawyer. You to leave asap regardless of conditions there are always a way
Ok dear, you’re in a difficult position, I don’t have any idea what type of help you qualify for, but I’d contact Soc. Services!! As for your ex, that boat sailed!!
The relationship is over. Move on and leave him alone
Stop contacting him.
I wouldnt put him on the birth ceritificate or invite him to the babies birth, just take him to court after babies born and he will have to pay 10 times the court fees, plus a DNA test they will of course have done (even if theres no doubt they will still request it be done unless he waives the DNA test.
Move home. You can until baby is born. I wouldn’t fly in your condition but see if family can come drive with you.
As far as I’m concerned he’s being EXTREMELY unreasonable. If he doesn’t care about your well being or care in hospital during pregnancy, then he doesn’t care period. He surely can’t expect to know when the baby is born if he doesn’t want you to contact him, so oh well for him. Move as soon as you can, as soon as doctor clears you or as soon as baby is born. Also try to have a family member fly or drive to be with you. You don’t need him to help raise your child, this guy is not a man he’s a POS. Don’t put him down on birth certificate and don’t tell him where your living. It’s not easy but you can do it on your own. Good luck mama and try to join support grounds in your area, and mama and baby groups.
You dont need people. The baby wont know the difference until years later. As long as you give baby love and attention that is needed nothing else matter. No fancy toy and ect are needed, the truly dont know the difference.
I think the first thing you need to realize is that he doesn’t want anything to do with you. You are in a legal situation with being in a foreign country (if you are a US citizen, you can have your baby recognized as a US citizen born abroad). Cut off ties with him and anyone who can provide him with information about you. I wouldn’t put his name on any paperwork or birth certificate. You need to be able to get home and figure out your life, and you don’t want him to get any type of order forbidding you to leave the country with the baby. At this point, you have no choice but to go this alone unless you have family that can come help you.
How far are you from home? Is there any way you could speak to your doctors maybe get transferred back home? Leave that guy alone worry about yourself and the baby. He doesn’t want to be with you. I live in Texas the Dfw area if your here id be more then willing to visit you.
Run. Go back home. Once that baby is here your stuck where you are. The relationship is clearly over, specially since hes bringing a lawyer into it. Girl RUN.
This Guy wasn’t gonna be there for you or your baby…sry and sad to say, You are Stronger than you think right now,but You can do ALL things through Christ…He will cause things to work for your benefit(and your precious baby) Put your life and Trust in Him…I Promise He will be Your Hope in Every area of your life…Man will disappoint you but HE will NEVER leave you
Where are you currently located? Family, friends? Whatever the blowup was & so many ppl didn’t help the relationship, it only tore it further apart, maybe there were some RED flags. In the mist of love & being pregnant we miss them sometimes because we want to have our babies born into a family, yes he probably felt overwhelmed & that you were being to clingy, it was good to let him know you were in the hospital but then you have to step back & he’ll respond or he won’t. True colors always shine thro sooner or later. I went thro this along time ago. Make sure it’s written that you have full custody of your child, his name can be on the birth certificate but you don’t have to give the baby his last name. Your gonna have to put your big girl panties on, his actions tell you what you already know, your gonna be raising that baby by yourself till the rt man comes along. I’m not meaning to sound harsh in any way, reality sucks & I’ve been in your shoes. Don’t hold on to the pain of this so tight that the sunshine can’t get in, I held on to the dream of what it was supposed to be & I look back now & he wasn’t worth all the power I let him have over, pain is a healing process just don’t let it consume you. The negative energy isn’t good for you or your baby. Maybe consider over these next couple month getting things packed, sold & move back home after the babies born, where your supposed system is. Your OBGYN should be able to help you find someone to talk to, please ask. God bless & be with you an your baby.
Move on sounds like he wasn’t worth the effort anyway. You and the baby will be fine someday you will meet a good guy prayers to you and the baby.
Have your baby and go back home where you are supported. Give him no more odd your energy right now because your baby needs you.
I know you said you can’t travel but try to see if there is a way to do so asap. If you can find a way do it but if you’re hoping that staying will make it easier for him to come around and fix your relationship it’s time to give up on that. He’s gone as far as getting legal help to keep you away, that ship has sailed. So if you can, go home NOW. But if you genuinely absolutely cannot you still need to let him go. He has made it clear that he does not want to be a family with you, only his child. So throw in the towel and stop looking at him like an option. Being sick or having problems won’t make him come back so start looking out for yourself and the best interests of your child. Otherwise being so nice and so clingy you’re setting yourself up for even more heartbreak and anxiety. He’s done and not coming back. Accept that and you can take the next step for YOU.
Let him go! Move back home before that baby is born & he wants to make you stay!
Stop calling…stop texting…stop trying to talk to him at all!
Not worth your trouble…concentrate on getting better and keeping that baby healthy. I am assuming since you have a PE or multiple PEs you are now high risk or have to be checked on constantly as you are probably on Lovenox.
I can not stress enough to go back home. You need help with your health and with taking care of that baby. With PE you have a long long long road to your new Normal…You need to be around people who distract you and who love you. He does not love you!
Go home. Move on. Find better. He’s already contacting lawyers? At 6 months pregnant… leave that man alone it’s trouble and pain
So sorry that what should be a wonderful time isn’t.
All bad times pass and you will get thru this, I have some real not so nice things
to say about him at this time but it’s obvious you want this to work.
Reach out there are some wonderful groups that can and do help when it is needed , Reach out and let this people help you when you need it.
When you see
someone in a similar situation, help them
Stop harassing him
Seems like he’s done with you and is just waiting for the child to be born to step up
He wants to be a parent (as confirmed by the lawyer) he just doesn’t want to deal with you
DO NOT put him on the birth certificate.
Move back home & do not pay anything to have a DNA test done.
If the court asks say you arent sure if its even his baby (this saves you).
NO CONTACT. No texts, block his number if you have to.
I would get on a plane as soon as you can and go home. Sorry but he is already a father and should be at appointments to see how his baby is doing, the fact that he doesn’t do that says a lot. Being silent is still an answer and he is answering your questions loud and clear. I would find a window of time where you are good,real soon, and go home to where your baby will have your family to love it and help support you with raising your baby.
Make sure you don’t list him on ANY paperwork. If you have already, lie and say you’re unsure of who the father is and have him removed. Make sure the hospital you stay at and clinics you visit know not to give out any info whatsoever…of you tell them, they wont even confirm if you’re a patient or not. Cut this man out 100%! Get yourself to your home country asap. Dont notify him of the birth. If you want to go after him for child support after baby is born then just be prepared to deal with visitation and joint custody. If you can do it without his help at all then do it. If he chooses to hunt you down and pay for DNA tests and pay for court costs and child support then deal with it as it comes. I suggest talking to an attorney before that all happens tho so that you’re prepared. Good luck to you and baby. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes as smooth as possible.
Sucks how many people are saying keep the birth secret and keep him out of his child’s life just because he does want to deal with the mother
And please don’t contact him any more. Once you leave him alone for good he will prob come around. But don’t fall for it. You are vulnerable right now. If he comes back around after you stop talking to him do not fall for it bc it will only be to get back close to his child.
Go home without a trace. Get off social media. Go to your family who will help you. You don’t need him. He sounds like a terrible person, not to care that you were in the hospital. You don’t need to deal with that. It’ll only get worse. Go home and don’t contact him anymore. The only reason you came here was for him. He left. Good luck with everything. I’m don’t know which country you came from making travel difficult, but perhaps your doctor can give you some advice for travel. Hey first class seat, etc…
Okay 1 thing right now girl do not contact him at all. If you are not in the United States then find out what u can do to go home. As here all mothers have all the rights to said child until you are married. The father has no rights even if he is on the birth certificate until you are married.
Hey girl. Just move on. Forget him. Take care of yourself for that baby. Be the best mom you can be! Message me if you ever need some support or someone to complain to. It truly takes a village to raise a baby. Mommy being happy is so important. Take time and find out who you are. Craft.
STOP CONTACTING HIM! He isnt caring about you or this baby obviously since he refuses any contact. The only thing I would ask him if he wants to be apart of babys life . I’d contact family and look in to moving after baby is born or if you can now your gonna need support. Good luck with everything you need good vibes right now.
Try getting some one from your family to come to you and yes it sounds as if there is no remaining connection with your ex unfortunately. I have gone doesn’t have to have 2 parents in it. There can be to happy homes, one with each parent and that can still be a healthy and happy life for baby.
Dont contact him anymore love. Get home of you can thats your best bet. Don’t put him on anything
You need to figure out a way to move back home. Talk to your doctors and family, explain the situation and work on a solution. Being where you are with no support is causing you undue stress which can’t be good for you or the baby.
He doesn’t want contact with you, doesn’t want to go to the appointments nor be there for you as you’re sitting in the hospital…and he still wants to be a dedicated father when the baby comes? Be done with him. If he can’t step up to the plate now as a father then I doubt he would step up to the plate as a father when that baby is finally here. Harsh reality but its the truth.
She said she cannot travel because of health. I think he’s already moved on with a new girl. Maybe if she follows the order he might calm down. We aren’t getting the whole story so it’s hard to help. She moved to be with him so maybe there is no support system for her at all. It’s going to be a hard road. She can get strong, make a plan and carry on. Or sit and wait on him.
You all slamming the father without even knowing what happened!
Did you ever consider that he wasnt the cause of the breakup?
For him to have retained an attorney in an attempt to stop her from constantly contacting him, it must have been a bad.
He’s stated that he wants to be a dedicated father but hes made it clear that he wants nothing to do with her.
You dont know her. Advising her to hide the father and run?
That’s just irresponsible without knowing the circumstances.
All women are not automatically in the right and all fathers aren’t always to blame.
I’m not sure how to answer. Firstly, I’m sorry you’re going through this when it should be a beautiful time for you. I was in a situation with my second where, he didn’t want to come to appointments, and even denied our son being his even though it was impossible not to be his son, and he clearly ended up being his son who’s 4 now lol. But anyways, it’s a hard reality you have to accept. I had a hard time with it too, just having the family picture in your head and not understanding why. The truth was he didn’t want the full responsibility and he was having way too much fun with his friends, and himself that he didn’t wanna put the work into us at all. He preferred beers with his boys. That was that though. We still remain broken up, and he’s moved on as have I. We have 2 kids together in total. I would go home. theres gotta be a way to get home with your medical conditions…and try to get your friends back, or create a support system for yourself. It’s no way easy, but you’ll see after the baby arrives it’s worth it. I don’t really care about anything but my kids, and I’m never really lonely, and since it’s been a few years I don’t even think about their dad at all. I can openly accept we aren’t together and do my best to co parent, although at times it’s still definitely unfair. I just want my kids happy. Remember that’s what’s important, and I know you’ll realize that in the long run. If he wants to be around he will, never force it or beg him. Be the great mother you are and don’t worry, he will face his consequences or karma.
Do not list him on paperwork. He wants to be a father after the birth. But he should have realized he is a fucking father now.
He doesn’t want to deal with you. And has this delusion that he won’t have to after the baby is born. And that is far from the truth. Get home as soon as you can. Talk to your doctors about it and see when you can go. And then plan to go then.
Dont put him on birth certificate. Get child support. Its expensive to raise a kid. He doesnt seem to give a crap about you. So get over it and take care of your baby and when your better go home.
Message me if you want to talk to someone. My inbox is always open! Best wishes, 10 years from now this will be just a bad memory. But you gotta fight first! I believe in you
I don’t know if this is the best advice but my advice is f*ck him. Don’t tell him when the baby arrives, don’t put him on the birth certificate, and move back home once the baby is here
Reach out to family and friends make them your support system, even though this is tough you need to remember he let you go through this alone you dont deserve this and neither does your baby. Keep your head up and when you can you should return home or go where you have support. Good luck. Best thing you can do now is take care of yourself and be a good mother stay positive.
Go home and forget about this man for nothing further then co. Parenting. He does not care about you, stop reaching out to him. Let him reach out to you if he wants to be part he will try to get info
You could ask the hospital to transport you in an ambulance to a hospital nearer to where you have family?.. They might not be able to do this but anything is worth a try xxx
Could you possibly be Medevaced to your home country? Could you have someone drive you (Uber?)? Where are you located now? Maybe some moms on this forum live nearby and could check on you.
Sounds like an online relationship went sour after awhile together. I’m so sorry. Clearly he changed his mind and doesn’t want anything to do with you. Unfortunately this happens. It’s tough to move on.
Music and books can be a good distraction. Use this time to read parenting books, blogs, and podcasts. Investigate your legal rights and custody and child support laws in your area.
Do you have any nice neighbors? Is there a local mom’s group you could contact & offer to host a gathering in your home to get to know other women?
How are you supporting yourself? Could you tutor children (in your native language if not English, in voice or a musical instrument, or academics?) in your home to help pass the time?
After your baby is born, please get on reliable birth control. Use your situation as a painful learning experience and lastly, congratulations and enjoy your new baby when she/he arrives.
Don’t bother with him get to family support as soon as possible don’t contact him when baby is born
Being a single mom does not mean you have an unhappy household… When my ex left he took the toxicity and drama with him. My home is finally peaceful.
Go home… I understand you have medical issues but trust me, you need to go home and be with people who won’t abandon you.
If you cant fly can you boat?
I would definitely go home as soon as the baby is here bc you can’t travel now. I’m not sure why he did this. You would think he would just do a restraining order if things were that bad. We need more info on why he is doing this and why you are calling 14 times a day. I get that you’re scared I would be too especially without any support system. I would honestly tough it out til the baby gets here then move back home where you will have a support system. I wouldn’t contact him again about anything! Don’t text and don’t call and if he does just ignore it. I would also keep him off the birth certificate that way you can move back home without any issues. However, if this is your fault bc you won’t leave him alone and when all these people got into your relationship which caused the split was because of you then running away wouldn’t be fair to the dad. It’s hard to answer your question without knowing exactly what is going on and why he needed a lawyer. Good luck.
Where are you from maybe find a friend to keep you company
I wanna know if it was a real lawyer or s friend pretending to be 🤷
See if a family member can come out and help you until you have the baby. Then after some time to rest and heal move back home to raise the baby near a bigger support system.
Its better for you to move back home where you have your family members support. Dont worry about what hes doing, it just looks like he doesnt want to be part of it or make any effort. If hes not gonna make an effort to help you, support you in anyway wit your unborn child then its better for you to focus on you n your baby n your happiness. Your better off raising the baby on your own. You can raise your children on ur own wit or without a man in your life. Remember to love yourself first before you love someone else but never forget your children always comes first before anything, everything n anyone. Dont worry or stress or overthink too much about him. Trust me you’re going to be ok happy n same goes with your child.
Its his loss not yours, so go home asap to be with those who truly love, care n support you not abandoned you n your baby.
i hate to say but if hes contacted a lawyer… its best to just leave him alone his next step is pressing harassment charges… talk to your doctor they can give you places for a support system… try to stay calm and just focus on you and the baby not him… and soon as that baby is born go back home so you have support system… he doesnt want you to contact him so dont… dont put it in the paper just have your baby and as soon as you get the ok take that baby home and keep him/her out of the toxic situation… will be hard but hes not going to play fair… hes already trying to build a case against you… best of wishes to you and your little one
Cold facts… he is just the baby daddy. He isn’t going to be there for you. Find a new support group. I know it’s tough, but the faster you move on the more healthy you and you baby will be. You got this!!!
Ladies - it’s great you want to help this person but be sure it is legitimate before you get too committed. Could just be another scam - playing on your sympathy.
Let it go honey. 14 calls in 1 day?!🤦 Move on. You sound a little coo coo
Hes a total jerk! You need to go back home to your family
Best to be on your own sweetie calm down and take a minute or 2 and think things out he has let you know were he stands so you are better than that the hospital always have people you can talk to and they can help hope this helps a little hope you are back on your feet soon xo
Omg girl hang in there .
Some men fold under pressure and thats not what you or baby need
Its going to hurt like hell let me tell you (that and the delivery lol) But you will be okay . I promise .
Just worry about you and baby and reach out to community supports.
you are worth so much more and frankly he just did you a favour saving you both from a life of disappointment.