I'm unhappy in my relationship and I don't know how to fix it

My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, and we have 3 children. I didn’t realize it at first, but from the very start of our relationship, he has had an addiction to pornography. I understand some people are perfectly fine with their partner watching porn, but we both established from the beginning that for us, it is cheating. I would see that he was watching it on his phone, and we would talk about it. I would express that it makes me uncomfortable and hurts my feelings, and he would promise he’d never do it again, ect. This has went on for almost 6 years. But there have been a few instances where it hurt me worse than usual and I just can’t get past it. For example, I have a lot of self confidence issues with myself. It was my birthday, I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and go to the beach in a bathing suit. I spent forever online finding a bathing suit, hoping that he would love it. It came and I tried it on, he said he loved it. But within an hour on his phone, he was looking at all these photos online of other “perfect looking” women in bikinis. And it just brought me down further. Another instance, I would buy clothing items online (bras, ect.) and after I got them, he would go to the review section of said clothing items and get off to the photos that other women left with their review of the item. Or when I have given birth, the first night home from the hospital he was looking at porn. At a certain point over the years of trying so hard to just be enough for him, I have kind of fallen out of love in that way. I still very much care about him, he’s an amazing person and a great father. But I have tried and tried to forgive and look past certain things, and I just can’t. He doesn’t make me feel beautiful anymore, and I don’t feel the same way about him that I used to. I guess I’m just looking for some advice on how you would feel or what you would do in my case? I know this was long, thank you in advance.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm unhappy in my relationship and I don't know how to fix it

Porn is not cheating, maybe you could tell him to be more discrete about it. You need to learn to love yourself.


It sounds like your lacking confidence and have a lot of insecurities…guys watching porn, I wouldn’t really classify as cheating I think that’s a bit unrealistic. The reviews and photos I would find concerning. Maybe some couples therapy, try and spice it up a bit, maybe try and go to some classes yourself about empowerment etc.


Sounds like you’re the one with the problem you’d be the same with any bloke. Work on yourself. Get some therapy


Bin him off he should only have eyes for you if it was once or twice it’s not a biggie but every day all the time it’s creepy and he is obsessed with it and it makes u feel rubbish so get rid do what makes u happy


Part of this is your own insecurities and you need to work on those.
On the other side from what youve described of the reviews doesnt sound healthy porn and the review stuff are different if he hasnt changed and you dont love him then time to move on.


Its an addiction unfortunately and it’s a shame people don’t see it that way it breaks relationships it damages people’s perspection of love and intimacy. It’s a shame these comments are so negative towards this women. Id get him help. I’d seek advice and I’d work on your own self confidence.
Despite some of these comments its an addiction. If he also sees it as cheating than I suggest you maybe go marriage counciling. Just my opinion.


There is absolutely NOTHING wrong wanting to be loved for who you are and made to feel beautiful without having to watch your husband drool over other women after you have just pushed his frikken child out of you. It’s about respect. Why the fuck are people on this post trying to put his sexual urges above your feelings? He could at MINIMUM do it discreetly when he already knows it makes you feel like shit.

Listen to your gut. Not all men do this and stop listening to people who tell you they do! You deserve BETTER.


All these people saying porn is normal. If hes married to you he should only have eyes for you, although I dont think porn is cheating I can imagine how it would make you feel especially after having a baby. That’s really insensitive of him, you need a man who thinks your beautiful and values your body over any fantasy in a porno. Porn isnt real its a fantasy, the way the women are treated in porn is not right either. Try and speak to him maybe say youre going to leave and see what he says. If he doesnt change he doesnt value you or the marriage. Then leave if he continues that behaviour. I dont think its right how women normalise this kinda behaviour. Men aren’t allowed to do whatever they want


One of the very reasons I left my ex husband. Their addiction ends up affecting every part of your marriage.
There are men out there that don’t need porn.

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I think you’d be the same with any man

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it’s not down to anybody else to make us feel beautiful. you will never believe that anybody else finds you beautiful if you don’t believe it yourself. and if you’re unhappy… then it’s time to leave and separate. there is also a child involved, who will notice that their parents aren’t happy together, no matter how much you pretend, they see right through it. and children deserve to be in a happy home just as much as parents.


Get a life lady it’s normal to watch porn


Not much advice but you seem to have already tried to speak about it and it hasn’t worked.

If your unhappy maybe it’s time to think over things and make a decision, stay and have nothing change or leave and not have this extra upset on your confidence

I know porn can be seen as normal to others but it’s the going on reviews after seeing you in it and after giving birth… Some men don’t think but you have spoken to him

I’m sorry you have been made to feel like this.


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I think you’ve answered your question yourself.

Either move on, take some time apart and assess the situation or try and work through it & your own insecurities as well, maybe some couples therapy… then you know you’ve given everything a whirl!

It just doesn’t sound healthy right now.

You two need to see a couples therapist.
If he refuses to that…Well, my advice would not be to leave him but to genuinely work on empowering yourself, find happiness and confidence in other things.

Personally, I would be secretly doing things to break his addiction. Like making sure he’s distracted during all the times he would usually watch porn. Make the kids always be around him so he has no privacy to do such things. Almost like weening him off it. And if he goes a certain amount of time without watching porn give him some sort of treat e.g., a beer or BJ. Try and get him to associate sex and reward with you.
Pavlovian conditioning can be very useful when used unethically to train your husband :joy:

I’m on the fence about this one. In absolutely no way is porn cheating and unfortunately it is an addiction. Mabye you could ask him to watch it with you one time to see how you feel about watching it together?
But on the other hand, the fact that he is deliberately going to look at other woman in said bikinis after you’ve grown the confidence to show yourself off in one and the fact that he seems to be deliberately looking at porn at the wrong times, seems like he has no regards for your feelings at all.
You definitely need to work on yourself and your own confidence and self as team though as it sounds like a massive problem for you. I do hope you manage to sort something out. Think yous both need to have a serious sit down.

Go to therapy and come to a compromise

Leave his ass!!! Clearly doesn’t care how you feel? Or taken any of your concerns in?! Why should you carry on getting upset about something he clearly isn’t going to stop!
LEAVE HIS ASS!!! :wave:t2: :heart: xxx