Seriously? He shouldn’t be exempt from all housework but if you two chose to have this dynamic, it’s incredibly unfair to expect him to split domestic labor 50/50. Being a stay-at-home-parent is the epitome of privilege in the United States, it’s not perfect but it is quite simply not an option for most parents to survive comfortably on one income while the other stays home. Yes, childcare is expensive, raising kids is hard, the stay-at-home-parent can feel isolated, etc but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a choice that few people get to make for themselves.
Be thankful that you have that you got to choose and, if you don’t want to do housework maybe you could get a job to help your husband pay for a housekeeper?
As long as your husband and children are happy, it’s really none of her business. I always check myself into "shutup school " where my kids and spouses are concerned!!!
Its none of her business and HE and he should be the one to keep it to herself. But yes if he works and youre home get some organization and try n do some eaxh days let the kids help and make it more fun. Nap time is a good time to get stuff done. Good luck!
The one thing that I see wrong here is he isn’t sticking up for you and telling his mom to mind her own damn mother fuckn businesses. Parents don’t mind their business tho, it’s their job to mind their children as well, so he probably thinks she’s right because she raised him that way.
I think that in this world of today is so different then when we were in back in the years of doing it all. But now people in our 60,s see,s young mom,s of how they do the things in this age of time is so different. So we can’t expect them to do all we use to do . But in the other hand u should at least have dinner ready and laundry done and yes have the house some what picked up . When the kids r napping . Unless you just gave birth to a newborn. Having a newborn takes a lot out of a mom . So it’s hard for any mom at that point. I try to help out my daughter in law as
Tell her to back herself out of what works for you’s. Not her business . Times have changed Or she can take on a free maid position
I think that a stay at home parent should do the majority of cleaning as a general rule, but that doesn’t mean that the working parent isn’t expected to help. If the dishes aren’t done when the WP gets home, there’s no reason to not jump in and help-or alternately take the kids and the SAHP get them done. I also think it’s ok to give yourself a break. The world won’t end if you don’t do the dishes that day and wait until tomorrow. It won’t hurt to vacuum the next day. Unless it’s a legit ‘I have to do/ do daily or there will be actual suffering’ task (like washing bottles for a baby or picking up meds that you have to get) it won’t hurt.
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Tell her to come clean. They’re her grandkids. Or hire a housekeeper once a week. I could care less what my house looks like. I spent every minute with my kids. and im almost 70
SAHM here! I think this is more of an important conversation to have with your husband. Because you are the primary person at home, more cleaning responsibility will naturally fall on you, not because you are a woman but because you are at home. It sounds like your priorities are with your children and there’s nothing wrong with that! Cleaning and cooking still needs to be done and there needs to be balance. I think you should sit down with your husband and discuss what are the top priorities for your family. Maybe you need to put more effort into your home but it doesn’t need to be spotless. It also doesn’t matter what your mother in law says as long as you, your husband and children are happy. What works for you guys is what matters and that looks different in every home! 
Kind of old fashioned for someone in her 60s. Maybe if she was 90, that outdated thinking would make sense. Does your husband live in the house? If so, he should be doing some of the work. Tell her to bug off.
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My Dad did the majority of cooking and cleaning for us 6 kids and that was after doing a ten hour a day job No one criticised my mum nor should they It worked for our family and that was in the 1940 s
I’m old school. I get wanting to be with your children but the home needs to be taken care of also. Put dinner in a crockpot. Teach the kids to put their stuff away when done playing. Life is a balance. Not saying hubby can’t help or shouldn’t but part of being a stay at home mom in my eyes is taking care of the home also. And before I get the hate comments. I’m a single mom and I did it all and my house was picked up during the week and cleaned in the weekends. Sometimes it was after the kids went to bed but it got done.
Nope. My husband and I work together. He does somethings and I do some and if he has more time he helps me.
Let him g o home and live with his mother. That is what she is angling for anyway. See how that works.
BS! I’m 70, not set in my ways and if your mother-in-law felt that she was responsible for everything in the house while her husband worked, that’s her problem! ! There is no reason your spouse(partner, father of your children, consumer of the food you cook, wearer of the clothes you wash , you see where I’m going) can’t pitch in and help! Everything shouldn’t be on one person’s shoulders !
You say something to her. There is no reason at all she should be butting into you lives. Being in her “60’s” is no excuse for her behavior.
I guess it depends on how you look at it. I mean I myself am a SAHM. I dont cook everyday I have a 17 year old son that helps with that and my husband also helps when he gets home if I’m too tired or if I just dont feel like it. I guess it’s all in how you believe. Me personally i keep my house clean bc I feel like my husband works and I feel like he should come home to a clean house. No man wants to work 12+ hours in the heat and then come home to a filthy house. Just saying.
I am SO sorry for all the blatantly sexist comments about the antiquated roles of women in the household here. This is NOT the 50’s anymore!
Being a SAHM is a FULL TIME JOB. When your husband comes home, duties should be divided because you BOTH have worked all day.
Tell your MiL to back off and zip it. She doesn’t run you and she doesn’t run your household. Your husband should be taking your side and sticking up for you and I’m so sorry that he isn’t defending you against your MIL who really needs to mind her own business.
Teamwork makes the dream work. Duties should be split based on what the two of you agree upon.
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This isn’t a one size fits all situation. Some people are more “traditional” in their marriages. They use stereotypical gender roles as rules in their marriage and that perfectly ok! It all depends on what you and your husband expect from each other. It should NEVER include input from your MIL, especially, but anyone! My advice is to have a sit down, open and honest conversation with your husband. I am the opposite, while I have been the one to work outside the home and support us financially, when it’s my husbands turn and he’s out doing hard labor all day everyday to support us, oh hell ya I make sure all the inside housework is done (for the most part) and I feed him when he gets home or before work whatever, I’m the wife that packs the lunch every night and leaves a sappy ass note 
but that’s me and that’s not the norm. It’s just the way I show my appreciation for being able to stay home while he works hard. But that also doesn’t mean he’s just lazy when he gets home and doesn’t contribute. We have our routine and there are definitely days when I don’t do shit but watch tv and let the house be a mess. He picks up my slack those days just like when he’s off and/or having a hard time, I pick up his slack. Our biggest thing is teamwork and communication. And again, that’s just us, we’re not the norm these days and that’s ok! It’s whatever makes you both happy! Happy Spouse, Happy House 
If you worked and paid a sitter, would the sitter clean your home? If you worked and paid a house keeper would they watch your kids? We know that wouldn’t happen. Those are separate jobs. So division of household tasks sounds reasonable to be. Not saying if you have a day with more time you can’t do extra but that isn’t possible every day
You shouldn’t HAVE TO DO anything, BUT… as a SAH momma you should want to do these things. Yes playing and spending time with the children is very important but it is equally important for your children to see you doing things around the house such as cleaning because you are teaching them about responsibility. Your husband should come home to a clean house. Not saying spotless, but dishes done vacuumed, beds made extra. You wouldn’t want to come home every day from work and see a dirty house.
You do not need to be good enuf for his mother. Now taking care of the kids and cooking and cleaning is your job if you do not work outside the home. If you work outside the home…shared chores Baby!!!
Why not turn this into something full of love and fun? Why can’t the little people help, kids usually enjoy feeling valued while contributing…start simple and keep it that way. Then in turn you’ll have kids that will know how to run a household. They can also brag to grandma about their " big kid" jobs. Mommy dearest in- law needs to be told that her meddling isn’t welcome when it comes to raising your kids, you married one of hers and he obviously can use some improvement. If hubby is the sole breadwinner here, perhaps you can obtain a job outside of the home, even if it’s part time, and he can help with daycare costs, since you’ll be helping out the household financially, then with a smooch and hug reminding him that you are his partner, not his opponent.
Hell no do not feel at all we live in the 21 century watching babies is a job in and of itself 24 hr job at that so please I’m am 55 and my daughter law doesn’t do anything but I have 1 happy grand child
It’s only right that if you’re a stay home mom and your husband is out working it’s only your job to take care of the house and the responsibilities that come with it like your kids but I also at some point you both have to help out but it’s always nice for a husband to come home to a cook meal and a happy home And you can always make time to meet your needs of your family and your house including the daily chores when napping comes around you can do your job I remember a staying mom has the same rights as a working mom cause you’re working at home too He’s bringing the income and you contributing to Taking care of the household and everything else that’s in your home your kids and your husband to I don’t think your mother-in-law is wrong she just wants a happy home for ur family
If you don’t have an outside job meaning you’re housewife, then yes…it is your job to take care of the kids and house. Your husband partner can help by not leaving a mess after himself, but i don’t expect my husband after 12hrs+ working in the sun 6/7 a week (in my country its gets up to 40 degrees in summer) to come home and do house work BUT every family is different and you should do whatever works for you both not what your mother in law says…
Umm yes if your not working you should carry the home duties! Try being a single mom working full time and carrying all home duties including all yard work.
You never will be. You married her son and she is now second.
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Oh for cripes sake! I’m 63 and I think that’s ridiculous! I don’t know if her age or not. Probably something her mom said that to her…what a crock.
Im staying home with my 2 kids and my husband works full time. I take care of kids and try to keep house decent (cooking, sweeping, moping the floor, dishes, picking up the toys… laundry and bathrooms are my weaknesses tho🙄). My husband does work around the house on weekends, and about half the week he does laundry and makes dinner for all of us.
A shared responsibility is the way to go. Whilst you were at home and had fun and bonded with the kids, You don’t expect him to come from work and be your maid or cook as well. When must he get time to bond with his kids. So be logical. Don’t be selfish person. You did not get married just to have the good, marriage is a union and sharing
Yes I have a 20 year old a 16 year old 11-year-old a 9-year-old a two year old and a 1 year old granddaughter and I make sure that the house is clean and food is done when he gets home
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Oh hell no that’s probably why I didn’t stay married he lives there to he wears clothes , he eats there , he takes a shower , just like I do so he can clean up after himself , if I’m home with the kids I will work around the house but he can Pick up the slack
It’s equal both ways or he can get out that simple it’s a job in itself raising kids so he can help out too
That would be great if the man is a ceo or plant manager but otherwise both must work today to stay above water. So both cook and clean and shop and share the good and bad of house work.
COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND, tell him your feelings. You mother-in-law should butt out (I am 74 & a MIL) she needs to be told time/generations are changed but her son should be telling her. COMMUNICATE!
It seems like her husband doesn’t buy into that shit because her complaint focused on having to hear it from her mother in law. Aside from that, I feel like dishes and vacuuming can be part of taking care of the children. More importantly, in a partnership it makes sense to have the person at home the most do more of the household work, but it shouldn’t be demanded or be 100% of the burden.
That being the case, it sounds like it’s basically a non issue and she wants her husband to get into an argument with his mom about a few words she said. Makes it sound an awful lot like the OP is just whining and wants the internet to pat her on the back, tell her she’s a victim, and that she’s in the right. If you’re good enough for your husband, who gives a fuck if his mom is crotchety and antiquated? You really wanna create drama because some old person is thinking like an old person?
You will never be good enough for HER son. Need to decide whether he’s a momma’s boy (and get the hell out of Dodge if he is) or if he wants to be married to YOU.
I see people who have growing children and some people are just Lazy dirty dishes everywhere and has dish washer and washer and Dryer no excuse. But I understand you with small kids it is hard do you best I still think he could help you when he gets home. If kids old enough you can get them put dishes in dish washer make game out of it. Good Luck and God Bless you.
As the children get older day by day, you can do more household cleaning WITH your little ones. You are training them for their eventual adulthood. Let them help you load spoons and forks in dishwasher. Let them add clothes to washing machine or pull out warm items from dryer. Praise them for their capabilities. 5 year olds are great at vacuuming. Let them help where they can. Don’t do it for his mother, do it for your children.
No one has time to do everything, but the way I look at it is…if you are a SAHM then things are never going to look perfect, though you should absolutely take up more of that job than your husband…the cooking and cleaning part. Playing with your children does not mean that you are lazing around, you are stimulating your child and fulfilling their need to bond with you. It is still important for a father to bond with his child also, so that part can be shared more. As far as the MIL goes…First off she is in her 60s…so I wouldn’t worry about that too much to begin with. 
Secondly, who gives a s*** what she says? You are the mother in the household and not her. You and her son are grown and have a family…so you have to do what works for you guys. Ignore her, for she will always be stuck in her ways and prejudiced toward anything that doesn’t suit her. She has to live the rest of her life close minded. 
Trade places with him…you get up early, commute to work, spend the day doing whatever it is that he does for a living. Deal with the stress of meeting deadlines, getting the work done to everyone’s approval, etc. Assuming he has a boss, co-workers to deal with and clients/customers and then the commute home. Now you walk through the door and your husband has face painted with the kids, took them to the park, took a nap or two, made great memories but…the house is a mess, there is no meal, laundry still needs to be done…oh and you were suppose to grocery shop on your way home from work. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending quality time with your children, and it is a MUST without a doubt. It simply sounds like you need to learn to multi task a bit more. You can sit and have breakfast with your children all the while be planning dinner. let them snuggle up to you on one side of the sofa while you sort and fold clothes on the other side. Make every trip to the bathroom count…pick up anything that needs to go in that direction to a bedroom…or whatever and put it away. Literally you can incorporate the entire day with your children and they feel included. Let them help you cook if they are a bit older. While they have their TV time use it to get a lot of things done round the house without them in the way. I’ve been married for 44 years and worked, raised children, kept house etc. It can be done. Remember you are setting example for your children. It would be better to go into teenage years with them thinking that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their TV/Games but there are chores and times that require shutting off electronics and run a vacuum or grab a scrub brush. Trust me, it won’t kill them! 
By the way…you will never please his mother. Just relax…just love him with all your heart …love and do for him like you’d life for him to do for you. (even if he doesn’t, stay true to yourself and give your best). Best wishes for many happy years ahead of you!!
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Being a teacher, I have the same schedule as my kids, so I’m off during the summer. My boyfriend knows that when I’m off during the summer I don’t mind picking up more of the day to day stuff, because I’m home a lot. But about now is when I need him and my kids to start helping out again. It’s when I’m working and I’m still the only one picking up messes that it gets aggravating. I stayed at home with my kids a lot while they were growing up and still managed to keep the house picked up to a degree. It was never spotless but the dishes and laundry got done and the place got vacuumed.
I think she right , he’s working why not work in the house , get the children in to cleaning it not , I raise 7 and they help me and it wasn’t hard ,
If one person is home man or woman they should do housework, bang the music on and get it done, you also have a good hour or 2 when they nap, I used to work long hours in London and drive 2 hours back home to come back to a mess my EX done none nothing apart from eat and watch Netflix, it’s team work
I think you have to figure out what works for YOUR family. If that means that you do more of the cleaning/laundry because you’re home and that works for you and your husband- GREAT. If that means you play with your kids all day and you and your husband work together at night-GREAT. But nobody else gets to decide that for you.
Well he’s working and should atleast come home to a clean house with dinner ready.
Do you buy your own stuff or does he buy it for you?
I have 3 kids I cook and clean everyday with plenty of time to play with my kids and plenty to spend with my husband later on cause I keep up with the cleaning so it’s not too messy and would take up all my time.
My man works full time I’m a stay at home mum to our toddler who starts pre school in January. I’m looking for part time work.
mam if u do not wk outside of the hm the hm and kids are ur job…if so its mutual and ur in law shld help or shut tf up that’s messiness sht
One works one stays home than yes the one home does more however you can go at your own pace and you don’t have to clean every single second, you are allowed breaks and free time too and when husband is home than children and the house should be a team effort
Gosh, I hate that expression, “good enough”! Your husband married you, not her. It’s your partnership and however the chores are divided, is no one’s business. If you need help, ask him. If he is too tired, consider other options, ie, mommies time out a day or two a week…etc. So many choices. Do what works best for you. Oh, and don’t give her a pass on criticizing because of her age…I’m old, but know how to mind my own business.
My whole sense of this thing is that grandma has no business offering any opinion about any of the issues. These are adults who, by all accounts, should solve their own problems without input from a third party. Grandma sounds like a real troublemaker.
Each family unit creates their own dynamic and work responsibility allocation.
your mother in law is correct, Marriage is not a free ride to play with the kids
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No. Count hours worked. Does his shift last 8-9 hours while yours lasts 24?
It’s summer. Time management and schedules are a lie you put on a wall to feel better.
Play with the kids first. The chores won’t care, the kids will.
I’d tell her get outta my house bitch this is my house not his remember that I raise his babies don’t like it get the fuck out I’m not asking his permission either don’t need it
I believe it sort of hard to keep up with house work if yr kids are getting into things. An yr on them. But there is grown where u cant live like a pig pin. Just nasty
Taking care of your family and giving attention to them should be your first priority then cleaning the house
We do it if we both work we both clean the house
If only one working the other one should clean the house but it doesn’t need to be spotless every day you need time to enjoy the little things in life in unfortunately at my age I’m beginning to learn
Your mother-in-law does not live with you she comes from a different era in a different way of doing things as long as you’re not a scum bag and you try your best don’t worry what they think
It’s your house, not your mil…its your life, live it n quit worrying about the house n what others think…this is between you n your husband
No his mother is wrong and he is wrong for not backing you up set in her way rubbish, some parents both have to work l used to leave every thing to last to play and take my boys out and enjoy them
It’s not her marriage or children, its yours and your husbands. You two will live the way you want.
In the first place she didn’t marry the woman who married her son he should keep her in check
Im a SAHM and in my honest opinion, staying at home with your children is a blessing (especially these days). There are a lot of messed up people out there and it gives me so much peace every day knowing that my babies are home learning new skills with me instead of a stranger. It wouldn’t be possible without my husband and how hard he works, so I feel it’s only right that I return the favor by giving him a clean house and a cooked meal. We work as a team. The only thing I ask of him is he picks up after himself- which is the same thing I ask of anyone who is old enough to do so, and I teach my kids early. Expectations kill relationships… I don’t expect anything from my husband and because of that, I’m surprised all the time with breakfast in the morning or cleaning tasks being done for me. Relationships are about both giving and taking. It is absolutely possible to clean and be a good mother and it is all about having a consistent routine and adjusting clean times to meet your kid’s needs. Most of my cleaning is done while my kids are eating and sleeping. Every now and again I have a “lazy day” for my mental health, but I go into it knowing that I will have more work to do the following day. If you maintain the house regularly it really isn’t that bad… So in short - yes, you should be keeping up on the house and meals simply because you are blessed to stay home with your children and raise them yourself. It probably wasn’t your mother in-law’s place to say something but maybe she has a good point? Sometimes we need to pause and reflect on the person we are being before looking at others… none of us are perfect and there is always room to improve!
So she was born in the 60’s? Where has she been all her life?
No it’s a humans job to cook and clean!
If you are not working outside the home she’s right…
If that’s how she feels she should do it and you can continue playing with your children. Also this isn’t 1950 and he helped make the children and he can help when he is home also. A stay at home parent is never obligated to do everything …that’s ridiculous. Both parents can do their best to keep everyone fed and alive and if a relative thinks it’s not good enough then they had better step in and do it all or zip it.
Only if she wants to, otherwise sharing is preferred. I appreciate not having to do as much if I am working 6 to 7 days, 12 plus hour day plus my part time job but when I’m awake, I want to shop, cook, do laundry and clean. I like doing it.
We all need to eat at some point, whoever want to cook do it. Sometimes just bring food home.
Need more details. How old are your kids? Are they in school for part of the day or spending it all at home? You might be just lazy AF. Dishwashers have been invented and you could probably vacuum the average house in 20 minutes. Feel free to do your best blanch dubois impression…
You are not married to your mother in law.
It’ll probably be cheaper for him to just hire a nanny/maid. Why are you there?
You are never going to be enough for her, but you didn’t marry her! The truth is that everyone in the house, including her, is responsible for those tasks! Unfortunately you will have to give MIL some boundaries, especially if your Husband doesn’t! It would be interesting if you left them all to clear your head and give them a chance to learn what it is like to have the job MIL has appointed you to! Just for a couple of days!
Well 
Put it this way- what if you were out working all day- would you want to come home to a mess and clean it up if your husband was home? I’d be kinda pissed
Everyone has a job- sometimes it’s to go out and make money, sometimes it’s to stay home and take care of the house and children. Both are equally important. If you don’t like to clean maybe hire a housekeeper? Or he can stay home and clean and take care of the kids and you get an away from home job? Or you both work and hire a nanny/housekeeper? He can help out on his off days and do some chores…
It’s you’re family and your home, so it’s your way❣️
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Who cares what she thinks… as long as you are happy tell her to… go away
I’m old fashion. I enjoy n still enjoy cooking, cleaning, tending to the inside n my spouse the out. Truth be told, I don’t want ANYONE in my kitchen FACTS. No one can do laundry like I like it. I love the smiles n content looks n thanks after a nice sit down dinner, take care of kids myself,
…Wanna help with dishes, heck yes but then get out. There’s not one thing I would change. Oh n I worked. Proud wife, mother, old school.
Enjoy your children they won’t be little forever
lol Me also many years ago my title WAS DOMESTIC ENGINEER
Yes but most don’t want to work these days
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If you don’t you will be living in filth. If you find a man who will help marry him.
She’s wrong, you’re right. x
Hell no. She should actually help you clean if shes gonna be bitching about it.
You don’t have to please her
He needs to step
up and tell his mother to back off
Give me your husband’s number since you don’t know what to do
Depends on if you work or not
Yes, " everybody loves Raymond "!!!
Not her marriage not her business…
Yes and no. If your husband is the breadwinner and you’re a stay at home mom, then most of the housework should be your responsibility to even out the workload. However, what roles and responsibilities you and your husband take on should be decided between yourselves, not someone who’s stuck in the 50s. As long as both of you are contributing to the success of your family and pulling your weight, that’s all that matters.
I’d say it depends because what does playing with the children, and caring for them have to do with cleaning or other basic things… if he is working then hell yea when he gets home dinner will be cooked and the house being clean is a bonus because I keep a clean house anyways. What does “everything” include it depends 
If you don’t work, yes you should do the cleaning. Regardless of gender. Part of raising children is raising them in a clean environment.
It’s not her business her mother-in-law
First of all just because u married him, in spite of what people say, u didn t marry her. Tell her to mind her own business or leave your house. Second, tell your husband to grow a backbone. You r not there to b his maid. Marriage is a 2 way street, not 1. He s got 2 hands, 2 feet and a heart beat. He can clean up after himself and after his family just like you. Maybe he should look up the word “respect”.
No. Marriage should be a team
Husbnd should help around. Staying at home you already have 3 jobs. Looking aftr the kids,cooking and cleaning. Might as well put that you make 3 time meal and shanks in-between for the family. Where else your husbnd is doing just 1 job. So he has to help you out and you better make sure you tell him this.
I am a man and was a single parent for ten years and did all that mostly by myself.So yea if your home all day help out it’s greatly appreciated.
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That’s an old generational mindset. That’s pretty much how I was raised to think, and spent 20 plus years with someone who never lifted a finger to help with household chores or childcare. Now I’m with someone who was raised it’s a 50/50 effort. He helps me do the dishes, cleans up around the house, and cooks dinner. That 50/50 goes a long way in the relationship.
Couldent you pick up the house and have dinner ready when he gets home??? Shape up girl or you will lose him