Is it a woman’s job to cook and clean all day while their man is at work? My mother-in-law is constantly telling my husband that I am not “wife material” because I put caring for my kids and playing with them over doing the dishes or vacuuming. She thinks he should come home and not have to lift a finger, and everything should fall on my shoulders. He refuses to say anything to her because she is in her 60s and set in her ways, but it really bothers me. So is she right? I should make sure everything is done while my husband works? I am just tired of feeling like I am not good enough for this woman.
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I think you and your husband should live by what fits your family and yourselves 
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Hey, a guy can do those things too. Your kids are only this age once, enjoy them
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My husband works 12 hour days so I cook, clean, and everything else needed in the house along with me keeping our 1&2 year old. When he is off he helps me though.
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Marriage is a partnership. My husband works and comes home to help me with everything else. While he works from home most weeks now he still helps.
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Its neither her job or his.
Yall are supposed to be a team and do this shit together
It’s really none of her business 
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If your man works and your at home all day, then yes you should clean… you can do both.
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You’re gonna get a lot of mixed opinions on this.
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It’s give an take. If he is working all day he’ll yes you should be cleaning an cooking. If it was the other way around you would of left him already for him not doing those things while you are at work.
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All that matters is what works for YOU and YOUR husband. It’s y’all’s household, y’all’s marriage.
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This house is to live in, it’s not for show
You don’t like the mess?? You know where to go
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Does your husband even care? I spent almost a decade making sure my husband came home to a spotless house only to find out after a nervous breakdown that he really just doesn’t want to come home to disgusting dishes piled up and some sort of meal… like not even anything major lol just something to eat. It was a huge relief off my shoulders to realize and I am enjoying motherhood much more now.
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If she isn’t fucking, feeding, or financing you then why do u care?
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We work together always!
Ask mom in law to clean anyway 
kidding aside chores should be equally divided at least.
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No It Is Team Work Everyone Contributes
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I think marriage is a partnership u two figure out what works for you guys but if your husband works outside the house and you don’t work then it is important for you to keep the house clean and take care of the kids but there shouldn’t be no order in it just as long as it is done . But most of the time now both parents work outside the he and split responsibilities
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I mean if he’s working all day and your a stay at home mom yes you should do a majority of the cleaning but cooking and after dinner clean is a team effort
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If he’s been working all day you should be getting the dishes at least done. Your kids can probably entertain themselves for 10-15 minutes or even having them in the kitchen with you and letting them draw pictures while you do them. Vacuuming tbh nobody really notices unless there’s like a shitload of stuff on the floor that needs to be vacuumed up lol. Picking things up here n there is necessary tho n kids can help too. Doing laundry should be a must and kids can help with that too.
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Tell the old bat if she doesn’t want her baby to lift a finger then she can come over and cook and clean 
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I always figured housework should be based on the percentage of time each worked outside the home. I worked and did all the housework and cooking - that’s the way it was in those days.
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There should be time to fit it all in. Some days, more play, than cleaning…other days, more cleaning than playing. Balance.
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I don’t think it is really her business either. I do think if your husband is out working to bring in money that it is not too much to expect you to do the dishes, make the beds and pick up the house as well as taking care of the kids–certainly not saying the house should be spotless! But also you deserve a break to so there is no reason he can’t help with a few chores around the house as well as helping with the kids when he gets home.
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My ex mil thinks the same way. Before I had kids she told me she couldn’t believe her other son’s wife would dare ask him to take care of his children or do any chores. He works and shouldn’t have to come home and deal with that. Mind you 2 of his 4 kids aren’t even his wife’s. But she’s expected to just handle it all alone. Probably why my ex never cared to even look at our kids or anything that needed to be done around the house. Glad that’s all in the passed 
If he works a full time job and you are a stay at home mom then YES.
If you both work a full time job then you both should share the responsibilities
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All I can say is do what you need. Not what your mil says you need.
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Psh shit better tell her give you the money and you’ll have a key made so she can come clean and cook as she sees fit!!
Tell her since she’s the expert, do it her damn self
Yes, you should keep a clean home and cook for your family. I’m not saying he shouldn’t help. If you choose to be a stay at home mom that is part of it.
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If your a stay at home mom, then yes… it’s your duty to keep the house up while he pays the bills and puts food on the table… that’s only fair
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He working all day he should come home to a nice meal and the kitchen and house straighten up
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in the ol day women managed to do it all while the husband was at work
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Play with the children… Share the chores
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A womans job no but what you are describing here is that you are a housewife and in that instance I say yes.
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Girl?! Cleaning takes less than 30 mins then you got the whole day to “play”
Even better an hour before he arrives tidy up. Stop being lazy.
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She needs to realise that times have changed! Certainly from when she was younger with kids. Ew
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Most Ridiculous thing I’ve probably heard🤦🏻♀️ I will be 62. She’s an idiot and lives her life unhappy probably!!!
I would be upset if my daughter in law didn’t spend time with my grandchildren And was always cleaning 
Don’t listen to her Period!! Your husband needs to talk to her and not sugar coat the situation 
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When my kids were younger, I worked as he did but I also did the housework, cooking, cleaning and yard work. He was a truck driver so he wasn’t home alot of the time. I find if you get a routine down and stay on top of stuff it’s really not that difficult.
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If you’re home all day then yes your house should tidy when he gets home. I don’t mean white glove clean but there should be no dishes, crumbs, or laundry to be seen. You get to care for y’all kids because he busts his ass daily, the LEAST you can do is show pride and respect for the home he is helping you build.
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It should be equally for both of u
Maybe in the olden days it was…not now
If you are a sahm yes. Wouldn’t it be nice for hubby to get home to a clean house with a warm meal?
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It depends! Like how bad is it! Yes you should make sure the home is clean (NOT SPOTLESS) and supper is taken care of. Especially if he is working all day. However!!! There isn’t anything wrong with him helping out when he gets home. A clean environment is also good for your mental health!
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I think this is between you and your husband, and what works for you both, and she should mind her own damn business
Im a stay at home mom of 4 kids and my fiance works. I do the majority of cleaning but he helps too. Some nights i cook and some nights he cooks. There is no bc he works i have to do ALL the cooking and cleaning and taking care of kids.i wish he would try to tell me that bc we will be fighting bc its a lot taking care of 4 kids when 2 of them are toddlers and all over the place. I have lazy days and dont do shit and he dont complian at all.
If you are home all day and not working at a outside job? Then in my mind yes, you should be vacuuming and doing dishes. That’s part of your job. Taking care of the kids is not an all day job, you have time when they are playing to do dishes, a load of clothes, vacuum, give kids bath, straighten up around the house. Yes I am a mother too!
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Well if thats how she feels he can move back in with her and she can clean up after his grown ass lmao
One thing I adore about my fiance is he has no time for misogynistic people. He used to have guy friends that would make jokes about me being his dish washer, sex toy, etc. The reason I love him so much more for it. Is he says he doesn’t understand, so they say the joke again. He says "He doesn’t understand what’s so funny about it, in this house we all do work because we all live here."
You should try to keep your house clean every day.
Show your kids a good healthy habit.
Damn
Every household is different. There days I can’t seem to get my ass of the couch cause of how tired I am and don’t touch a thing but make sure the kids are cleaned and fed. Then there’s days I clean the house spotless up and down. It’s what works for you snd your husband. If he’s not complaining or asking more of you then I wouldn’t be concerned. I wouldn’t let these comments on this post make you feel any type of way either because again, every household is different and it’s between you and your husband on what exactly your roles are.
Woman that age
were raised that
way but it is a different world
these days
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I stayed at home with my kids before my husband passed. 6 little ones and house chores were always done. Like what do you do all day???
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I’m a stay at home wife so he comes home and plays with our kids so I can finish dinner. Then he takes trash out. I start full time wah soon so it’ll be more fair game but even then probably not. I love running the house.
YOUR KIDS ARE YOUR LIFE! I wished more parents would put aside our business to just sit down and play. And I wouldn’t say a woman’s job no. Each family has their own flow. Sometimes moms have jobs that demand long hours then they have to do the mom stuff too. Dads sometimes have that extra heavy load. We are in this together. Helping each other every step of the way. It’s easier to “know your role” just so things go smoother on the daily grind, but hey mixing it up my be a sigh of relief. Let dad take the kids to the grocery store and ball practice so mom can go get the brakes and oil taken care of. Or even just kick back and relax (dare I say?) lol. Honey people will always have something to say. Opinions are like butts… everyone has one and some STINK.
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For the most part…yeah… thats part of being a SAHM. should he help with some? Yeah. But you should be doing most of the work.
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If it doesn’t bother him, let it go. Just say “you may be right “ and go on.
Are you working besides being home with the kids ? I work a 20 hour a week, from home job while taking care of meals and most cleaning while my fiance works as a welder 40+ hours a week. He helps out with washing bottles, doing laundry and even vacuuming when he feels up to it. He is also in charge of the cat litter. We have an almost 5 and 1 year old. He also mows the yard and does all the outside house upkeep so I feel it is equal. I chose to stay home with our children and take care of the house and work a part time job to help financially as well. If you are a sahm just playing and taking care of the kids then you need to step your game up. You definitely should be doing the cleaning and cooking.
Yes, cook and clean within your means… do what you can do, it doesnt have to be perfect. You’re husband does work, but also being a stay at home mom is a tough job so he definitely needs to help out too. He decided to be a family/make a family with YOU… not his mom. So she just needs to butt out. But yeah, take care of the kids, clean messes that are a must, but dont over work yourself, and cook… or even order food every once in a while. As long as your home isnt disgusting, you’re fine.
My husband believe its his house too he shouldnt do it all🤷 he always comes home & helps
You’re not working then it is your responsibility to make sure the house is clean and the dishes done and the food cooked and such you can play with your kids and have time with your kids and do all your chores also
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I’m no expert, but maybe you should have a heart to heart with your husband and get his opinion…it’s about you two and your family…I get you want to try to be respectable, but sometimes others and their “opinions” can cause more harm than good…but see what he has to say about it…WITHOUT the influence of his mother
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She’s not right, this isn’t the 50s or 60s anymore. He should help out!
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Providing a clean chaos free home is as important to the kids as playing with them. Both can be done…
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Woman like that piss me off and raise entitled abusive assholes🙄 Maybe a little bit more of the housework should fall on you, just because you spend more time there but no, he absolutely should not come home to a show piece of a home and a stepford wife. Right now while your kids are little, play time should absolutely be the priority. They’ll grow and you’ll have more time to focus on other things. Or to go back to work yourself and then what’s she gonna say🙄
Girl, do you. She is clearly stuck in that old school mindset that won’t exist anymore in 10-15 years. That IS how things WERE. NOT how things are. 
Well I don’t think it’s our “job” our job is to attend to our kids… but if you don’t work and he does and he supports the family and your a stay at home mom then I’d say the house should atleast be clean… obviously there are days that it’s not always going to be like that but for the most part yeah I think the house should be clean if your not working and he’s supporting you and the family. Expecially if he has a physical job… he’s not gonna wanna go home after working and do all that…
That’s the way I was raised up and I’m only 50 my husband works I keep house my kids are grown but I also understand that the children come first and that’s the way it should be. Keep doing what your doing the kids will thank you late for spending all that time with them.
Sorry to say but my belief is that women take care of children and inside the house plus cook while it’s a mans job to do outside and work myself I do all that plus hold down a job
Mom in law should mind her business, that’s between him and her, he pick her.
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If you are a stay at home. Yes!
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I feel like you’re both right and you’re both also wrong.
Taking care of the kids comes first obviously, but as a stay at home mom myself, there’s definitely times where you can wash up a few dishes or run a vacuum.
There are definitely household chores you can do and as a parent should do.
You did actually wrote…you don’t do housework because you’re busy playing. But that’s not fair to the person whose working and spending all day at work.
Does that mean everything should be immaculate every day your husband walks in the door or that he should never have to help? No. It’s still a home. It’s ok for it to look lived in and he should help. You guys should work together.
But don’t leave it all or leave the most unpleasant things undone until he’s home either.
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My opinion only : I work full time 40+hours take care of my kids the cooking his clothes and keep the home clean and tidy not spotless. Does he help no I work from home we both make great salary’s but he works outside I believe he deserves this
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I honestly have to have a routine to get stuff done. It’s important to spend time with your children, but it’s also important to make sure you tidy up. I usually wait until my youngest is down for a nap and my oldest entertains himself. I’ll load the dishwasher, wipe down the counters, clean the stove, I’ll start supper if I’m doing a crockpot meal and anything else that needs cleaning in there. I’ll make sure the toilets are clean and no dirty clothes are left in the bathroom. I’ll start a load of laundry. Then tidy up the living room. By the time I’m finished with that my youngest is about to wake up. Then we follow our routine from there. If your husband is working all day then I would say yes it’s important for you to tidy up during the day. But don’t stress out if you didn’t get to it that day. My husband doesn’t mind and will help me out after work if he sees I had a rough day, but I always try to make it a thing that no dishes stay in the sink and it looks presentable for him to come home too. Don’t worry about your mother in law. It’s about what works best for y’all. I would just ask your husband how he feels about it.
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You and your husband get to decide what is best in your household and he doesn’t sleep with his mother so she does not get a say. PERIOD.
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If you don’t work then yes you need to cook, clean and whatever eles needs done. It don’t have to be spotless but I’m sure after a hard day at work it would be nice for y’all as a family to sit at a table and eat as a family. Jmo
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Also my ex’s mother was that way AND I COULDNT BE HAPPIER TO BE RID OF HER:partying_face:
My soon to be mother in law is absolutely amazing!!
I copied and pasted this from another site. This is truely a partnership!
A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”
He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”
I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” to do household chores.
I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.
I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.
I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.
I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.
I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.
I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing her children, cooking, organizing, etc. You said thank you
But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!
Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least, a prize of excellence with great glory … why? You never thought about that, my friend?
Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.
Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs … Feel at home. In his house.
The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship! “
—Hawk—
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I do what I have the energy for after taking care of my kids and it is a problem in my relationship as well except it is not his mother. It is him. Always griping about the things that don’t get done. I keep the house decent. My kids are my priority. Whatever energy is I have left is for cleaning and such. Just make sure you’re doing enough to keep the house decent in my opinion, unless you have the energy to keep it immaculate and spotless. I was compared to his mother because he said she used to keep their house immaculate 
My husband goes to work every day in this blazing heat so I he can support this family, also so I can be a stay at home mom. The LEAST i could do is make sure the house is clean and have dinner made for him. It’s not necessarily a womans “job” but more like something that you should do.
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Do you work? I cook and clean no one else to do it
Just a thought but… Maybe you could use some of the time you usually spend on facebook and other social media platforms and make sure your house is clean and your man has a meal?
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So many people seem to overlook look the mom in stay at home mom. The main priority is caring for your kids. If you’re able to clean & cook dinner too, great, if its a bad day & it doesn’t happen, that’s fine as long as your babies are being cared for. Its a full time job caring for infants & children! Anything more getting done is just a bonus & not an absolute given. Working spouses live in the home too & should help take care of it when needed without being asked. That’s called being an adult/grownup/partner! It shouldn’t all fall on one partner but rather be 50/50.
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Hell nawl, she’s brainwashed like her mother and grandmother used to think. Doesn’t mean she’s right. My grandmother and Mother in law think the same way. But my husband helps when he can, I don’t force him to, he does it when he’s mentally and physically able.
So for all of you saying “yes, if you’re a SAHM it’s your job to do all that if he works all day”. So tell me when does the day end for a SAHM? I’ve been in that situation and my husband found out real quick it’s not as easy as he thought it was. It’s a team effort and both need to help with the duties in the evenings and on weekends.
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Your not married to the mil. Take it like a grain of salt. If your husband understands and is okay. Then play with those kiddies. They grow up so fast. Enjoy it
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Don’t feel bad. I am horrible when it comes to house chores. I can play with my son all day while he’s home for summer. (This year is his first summer break) when he’s in school I have a slight routine to get the main stuff done and I am still learning as I am going. This year my son will actually start having chores to do so he can help around the house
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Both can be done…I would clean up at home every morning…then the kids and I went to the park for awhile every day…
Your obviously are wife material! He married you!!!
Who cares what she thinks!
What does he think?
Truth be told, you will probably never measure up to your mother in law, no matter what you do.
Does your husband think she is right that’s the real question. What she says shouldn’t really matter
your house your rules. Tell her to stay in her lane and please her own husband
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Sorry, but if you’re a stay at home mom while your husband is out working, then yes, you should be cooking and cleaning along with taking care of the kids. Why would you expect him to do it when you’ve been “playing” with the kids all day? Sounds to me you’re just lazy. I was a stay at home mom for almost 9 years and I managed to cook, clean, teach, and play with my kids.
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No is both ways is she tried or husband should help her out what if she wss working
The kids should help or they will become adults who don’t do chores. They start helping pick up their toys as soon as they can walk. The rest of it is negotiation but you need a daily and weekly plan. I’m horrible at it so I’ve always worked full time or I would really have to deal with how horrible I am at it.
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It’s none of her business how things work in your home. If you are home, yes you should clean up…but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t help some when he is able to.
Not to mention I manage getting the house clean, laundry done and put away, yard mowed, plus errands all while my husband is at work. I have a 4 &5 year old and 4 month old twins. It’s really not that hard. I make time for my kids and spend time with them, but I dont use that as a reason not to clean…
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My hubby does nothing except take out garbage and we both do yard work…
He works 12 hrs a day and most of the time 7 days a week…so for me he does his part so my part is my home…
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I don’t work I go to school but I make sure laundry and dishes are done and that I cook supper … I mean he is working and providing for me and our kid that’s the least I could do… But he alSo helps when I need it its not just one persons job to do anything
What works for some, doesn’t work for others. I know it’s hard but try not to let it bother you. You are married to him, not his mom, He is a grown man & married you for a reason…clearly not by what his mom thinks about you.
I am just speaking for myself…
I do those things…but I enjoy doing them. He works & for one his job isn’t easy. He works outside for 12-15 hours a day & I stay home with the kids. He does that for us so I try to make sure when he gets home he doesn’t have to do anything. Don’t get me wrong…it’s almost impossible to keep a house spotless with 3 kids lol but I try to have it picked up a least for when he gets home.
Also…for instance I’ll make him dinner & bring it to him, take it from him, etc. I even lay out his clothes so he doesn’t have to mess with that. Like he just showers right after work & his towel & clothes are in the bathroom. But he’s never asked me to do that…I just enjoy doing what I can. That’s just me though.
You know what works for y’all. If your husband has never voiced anything to you about the situation than
I definitely wouldn’t do it thinking you are doing it for her though…
You should do it for him…to show him appreciation for what he’s doing for your family (working)
If he’s working full time while you’re at home then yes it’s your job to keep house and kids cleaned and dinner cooked. He shouldn’t have to work full time and worry about house duties too.
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