…you may have forgotten this; ALL of us Sisters are EQUALS…
It’s the responsibility of the person who stays home instead of going outside the home to work. I was a stay at home mom and you clean when the kid is sleeping.
If your cleaning everyday then the house is never dirty. Vacuuming is important with small children because they literally live on the floor and you want it to be clean. You don’t have to have a spotless house but it should be clean. Give attention to the baby is definitely important but the baby also needs to learn to play by themselves. Learning to entertain themselves is a important part of growing up and frees up time for house work.
You can put on music and sing to your baby while you wash dishes, even sing and dance while vacuuming. Multitasking is the key.
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My husband works, I stay home. When he’s at work I do everything that’s needed in that time whether it’s playing with the kids, cleaning, errands etc. But when he’s home we both do whatever’s needed to be done.
Obviously everything has to be done at some point but he’s always has said to me he’d rather come home to happy kids & a messy house than an immaculate house & the kids crying in the corner.
See what your husband thinks about it, that’s who’s opinion matters not his mother. Don’t forget, parenting in ur mother in laws time was very different to now. It was much easier to do all the house work when mothers used to send their kids off & out to play by themselves for hours on end with the outlook that ‘they’ll come back when they’re hungry…’, but unfortunately children can’t be left unsupervised in the world today & that makes a massive difference to the balance of a parents time.
Iff your husband is working take care of your house and family its that simple
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No. I saw a video once that put it like this: you both have full time jobs, you work & care for children at home & he leaves the home to go to work. The minute he steps in the door off from work, you are both off from work & everything from then on should be split evenly between you both.
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He needs to tell her”mind your own business”, Raising kids and keeping a home should be shared
Take time with kids,they grow up to fast, yes keep up your house,but take time out.
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Why does she know your business
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IF YOU work out and he works OUT then then ALL housework Inside and outside should be shared equally,… IF you are a stay at home mom and he works OUT then most of the work inside the home should fall on your shoulders , child care should be shared once HE is home from work… Tell mother in law to shut up and bug OFF its NONE of her business,
Perhaps if you live in an Islamic country?
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My opinion is yes it is your job. My husband works and I stay home and take care of the kid’s and the home that way when he gets home he dosen’t have to do anything. He does do the yard. I hate yard work lol. Also I think that if you both worked then both of you could help each other with the chores cooking ect.
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I cook, clean and take care of our granddaughter during the week while my husband works. On the weekends he helps and does the cooking and usually the cleaning (dishes Mostly).
Isn’t that what a “homemaker” does? 
He works and supports the family and you stay home and do the household stuff
Now when he is home everything should be split
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Depends on the relationship. I usually cook dinner. She likes to organize and clean
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It’s really none of her business
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This isn’t the 1950’s. It’s a partnership and falls within the members living inside the home. My husband and I both work 40+hrs a week, we both take care of kids, we both cook, we both clean and we both do laundry and tackle bills. Now, there are some couples who decide for themselves and decide that one may be a homemaker and one will have a career outside of the home. Just keep in mind, homemakers is as equivalent as working two full time jobs. Think about that next time says “oh, it’s your job”.
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Honestly it’s between you and your husband! It’s none of her business. I think if he works and you stay home then you should do most of the house work and him help out every now and then when needed. I think for the most part you should try to do the best you can, but if things aren’t perfect every day, it’s you and your husband’s business, not hers.
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Gust do what right for you guys,everyone is going to have a different opinions, just make a happy home for you and yours raise them right .happiness and love,as you and yours grow things will change as you will to
I definitely agree with her. You are lazy and think only about yourself. He is stupid and let it happen.
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Yeah that’s kinda your job. Should he absolutely NEVER have to do those things? No. Kids are a lot of work but you also need to take care of their environment. I don’t do any cleaning until my kids are in bed. Aside from basic picking up and dishes so my husband doesn’t come home and it LOOKS messy. Just do the minimal stuff so he doesn’t see it, then the rest when your kids are in bed.
If the kids are pre school then all chores should be shared. If they go to school the division of labour can be adjusted so you both feel happy. If you both work then its share as needed.
Nah not, we as husband need to do our. As a husband I always see the look in the eyes of my wife when see get home and smell a good cooked meal
That’s not just your house, it’s his too, so yes he should help!!!
Being an involved parent is a full time job with no break, whether you work or not. I think household roles should only be defined by each household themselves. If you can handle all of it great, I myself am a fan of if he wants to get down and play with the kids when he gets home sure I’ll jump on the dishes and clean and we can relax together when the kids are occupied and taking some play by themselves time but we take turns cooking and order out more than we should to avoid dishes and cooking some nights 
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To be fair if one person is the sole breadwinner then the stay at home person should do most of household chores. Both should work in some capacity. But by no means should you do EVERYTHING. He gets to put his work down at the end of the day. You don’t. He should share in the things that need doing when he is off work because you never are.
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She’s not right, and I would want my husband to also defend me, HOWEVER let me “defend” (not really, I have no clue what his situation is and no idea how he treats you or his mom) your husband. His mom seems extremely judgmental. He has probably grown up hearing her extreme views on what everybody else should be doing with their lives. His coping strategy may be to not engage. Some people like the argument, consider themselves right no matter what, and the only way those closest to them can have peace is to ignore their rants. There are people who will argue at the damn TV! They’re right, you’re wrong, end of story. You live your life and don’t worry about pleasing her. Ask your husband if he’s happy in your marriage, compromise with each other wherever necessary (and I don’t mean in this specific situation, I just mean your marriage is between the both of you and it’s always going to be a give and take, but should never be about keeping up appearances for your MIL’s sake or for anyone’s else’s for that matter), and then just live your life as you see fit! Enjoy being yourself and being a mom 
who cares what someone not living your life has to say about it! Sending you lots of love and peace!
It’s a partnership or should be …you are looking after YER kids all day so it’s only fair that the father plays his role even if it’s an hour before bed time so kids know that dad is there everyday and mum gets a break …its a responsibility that both parents need to put time effort and love into …mother in law needs to mind her own business
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This isn’t the 1950’s anymore lol women do not need to worship their man. Especially when it’s hard enough to find a man that will treat you right. It’s all hands on deck with me and my S/O. I will say, if I have the day off, I will do a couple things around the house. But I’m not gonna deep clean the whole house by myself, no where on my birth certificate does it say “maid”
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This coming home and not doing anything is for the birds. If you worked outside the home you would be expected to do the cooking and cleaning when you get home. So He should have to help when he gets home. He can help with dinner, dishes, bathing kids. All those things should be shared
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It’s none of her business
Now, if your husband thinks these things then that’s a different story. My husband comes home & cooks sometimes & actually does a lot that i could be doing while he’s gone, but my number one priority is my kids. We play all day… and my husband doesn’t mind one bit so if your husband isn’t the one complaining then i wouldn’t give a damn about what his momma says
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Marriage and raising children and running the household should be a partnership between husband and wife.
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Dad goes out to work…mam stays home with the kids thats a full time job at the end of the day they all get to spend time with each other and talk about there day. And if dad wants to make dinner or bring it home thats fine or mabe if mam has any sane mind left after minding the kids all day wants to make dinner thats ok too… but momma in law needs to fuck right off and find a bingo hall for herself and but the fuck out and let her little boy grow the fuck up and help raise his family
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Sahm is hard. You gotta be constantly on the go caring for the little ones. However, husband is spending the entire work day out of the house and away from children so when he’s home he shouldn’t have to do housework rather than play or spend time with the kids.
They need him too just as much as you need him around.
After bedtime then deal with housework
You are not his servant. I would think your role would entail more cleaning or cooking but most definitely not all the cleaning and cooking. So what works for your family and tell your MIL to worry about her house and you’ll worry about yours.
Yes if he is at work and you don’t work outside the home you should have the house clean and dinner cooked for your family period…Listen to your mother-in-law she knows your husband better than you…Don’t use the kids for an excuse…There are lots of women working outside the home and doing it… You are not your problem…Your mother in law is trying to help you keep your husband and keep the children with their parents
More detail needed here, we’re missing something…
Your “job” is not, to play with your children, they must learn how to entertain themselves or play with each other… Your job/partner responsibility under normal circumstances is to care for most of the home/house duties & hopefully prepare a family meal when your “outside$” partner returns home.
Honey…I’m sorry to tell you this, but if he is the sole income provider bringing home the bacon…IT IS your job to take care of the kids AND the home… guess what, you’re lucky to be able to do that. I am a single mother and I get to do 100% of EVERYTHING… don’t even sit there and say its too much…some of us are doing it ALL. Yes, I said what I said…period.
My fiancee is a father of 4 that all live with us. I am disabled and he works full time. His opinion is the children do all the chores. To teach them for there future’s. My mother believes is the wife’s job to do everything (it’s her generation) she was born in the 50’s I however do feel like the stay at home parent should do these things. The cleaning the laundry the dishes excreta. There are plenty of days when there are appointments and such where things get missed. But I feel bad making the kids do these things so I do as much as I can to help them during the days. My fiancee came home before me yesterday due to my appointment and he had a beautiful supper made for all of us. So I feel it’s a give and take. But just because your mother in law says it doesnt make it for you and your family. Best of luck to you
If your husband does not agree with her he can politely tell her so. He does agree with her but puts a the blame on her to keep you from being mad at him.
No your first job is being a mom most important job ever they grow up so fast vacuuming and cleaning never ends enjoy your time with kids you’ll find time here and there for cleaning and dad can help just because he works he can take care of his house too! It takes two to get stuff done more is better!!
Im a sahm to 2 boys. This and last year we did virtual school. I still cooked and cleaned and played with the kids. My husband works very long hard days. I dont think my husband should come home to a dirty house and no food
Talk to your husband about it. Find out what he thinks and mutually establish your roles in the house. It definitely still needs to function. Your kids need to see balance, and also learn to play on their own.
You are taking care of of your kids. That is a very important “job”, too
I hope your husband supports you & is able to stand up to his mother!
She needs to but out, and he needs to step up or he well lose a good women. Be the man she needs you to be.
Give mother in law a to do list. She got that much time to be forming opinions on how your house should be run she needs some busy work 
Cooking and cleaning is a life skill. I have never met a single man that is starving because he’s unable to cook for himself.
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Cut the mother in law out of your life. She sounds like a cunty Karen. If your husband can’t grow some balls perhaps leave him too. You are important and if your partner is allowing this kind of behavior to occur, he’s part of the problem too.
Im a sahm of 3 and one on the way and two bonus on the weekends my husband works all day and most days i can do all cleaning cooking mommy duties some days it just doesnt work that way and my husband does help and more so when i ask so no i don’t think it should just land on the woman to do everything by herself but i do remember when i was working full time and came home and cleaned and it wasnt a walk in the park neither you just gotta see where your comfortable role is even if it’s stepping up for yourself and letting her know that is your household not her’s and that’s possible to do very politely if she doesn’t like it oh well you shouldn’t hold her opinion of you so high cause at the end of the day its your home your children your husband not hers hope you get it all worked out
My hubby works 12 hrs heft n I have a lung Disease called COPD and I have Covid on top of this right now and I still cook and clean and I have a dog and I have Lizzie two kids plus it’s for their teenagers but we have six kids all together mind you I do have a cleaning lady that helps me three times a week because I have COPD and I am on oxygen but I want to three times a week their 70s in a week and the remainder rest of the Thursdays is my job to cook and clean he’s working 12 hour shifts I am on disability I am his wife is my duty to do so I may not be very good at it but I still do it he does not do it he does not take out the trash he does not do laundry he doesn’t do any of his job is to provide for the household and that’s what he does
Tell the MIL if she wants that done to come over and do it herself. Both partners should be doing all of the work around the house.
That is for couples to work out on their own. The work load should be roughly equal.
I like to cook. I’ll cook for my woman all that I can. I don’t like washing dishes. Maybe it’s a trade-off? I enjoy cooking.
You don’t have to be good enough for her.
If your husband works and you stay at home with the kids then it is your job to do the housework AND the childcare. There’s no reason your husband shouldn’t come home to a clean house, dinner made and his kids cared for. Women have been doing this for ages. That is the definition of a homemaker.
Either or, get a job or clean house, which every blows your skirt up, but kids should be taught to clean, I was ironing clothes, washing dishes, what ever else my mother needed done by the time I was 10 years old
Do what you can , caring for kids is a full time job In itself and your husband doesn’t get to do nothing around the house because he leaves it to go to work
If my husband waited for me to cook, he would be 75 lbs! Can he live on spaghetti-o’s and burnt hotdogs?
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Hell no!! My husband work 30 hour weeks in a pretty demanding job when he gets in he helps round the house and relieves me of parenting duties for a few hours before bed to study. Being a stay at home mum IS a full time job except it doesn’t come with lunch break, sick leave holidays and you don’t clock off the job. I’ll vacuum and do the basics everyday but deep cleaning is a once a week/ fortnight job.
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Your mother in law is out of her mind. It’s 2021 not 1964. You have a responsibility to be a present mother at all times to your children as it strengthens bonds. Having a clean house and cooking cannot always be done while you’re a full time mother because you’ll eventually burn out
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Well in all honesty I can see both sides when I was a stay at home mom when my daughter napped that’s when I would get the cleaning and housework done and it worked very well so I guess it’s all about managing time but he can also help out on his days off
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My husband and I have always shared responsibility for household chores and cooking and so does our son and daughter-in- law. They are also both equally involved in caring for their two young children.
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I think the old ones forget that their kids used to be out all day at school and then after school until the street lights came on. These days we mothers don’t let our kids out of our sights!!! It’s much harder these days to keep up with everything- our lives are so much busier as a society.
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it is not a “woman’s job to cook and clean”.
Older people are set in their ways of how things should and shouldn’t be done. I usually just ignore it since its 2021 and not the 60’s, 70’s.
Talk to your spouse and ya’ll create a system that works for you guys. As long as you and your partner and your children are happy with how things are that is all that matters.
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Your MIL is right. I worked away from home all my life and cared for my children, my home and my husband. My husband worked outside the home, did all the outside work and shared dropping kids off here there. He never cooked or cleaned but I never mowed the grass or used the weed eater. Any woman that sits home all day while her husband is at work and his paycheck is the only paycheck coming into the home, better have her lazy ass up cooking, cleaning and taking care of kids. He should not have to come home and do “her” job! She should have done her job while he was at work doing “his” job getting a paycheck. You need to grow up and do 1/2 of that relationship before you find yourself a single parent. Most marriages do not come with maids and limitless credit cards.
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Mother in law doesn’t know her math! According to her, a man working 8 hours a day is the equivalent of a woman working 24 hours a day. He gets rewarded with clean clothes, ready meals and and a chair of his own from which he can watch his favorite TV programs. Mom cleans the clothes, cleans the house, looks after the kids, makes the meals, reviews the kids’ homework while she cleans up after dinner. News to you mother in law, it takes two adults to make the babies, two adults should share in the work of raising them!
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MilAws often think the woman is not good enough or her son. Your husband should be gently sticking up for you and you need to gently tell him this is spoiling tour happiness goodluck
Ask to see the rule book that says its a womens job to clean the house. Thats what i did when someone questioned me about this very same thing. I’m in my 60s now so your mil has a very out dated view on life. My theory was, as long as the toilet was clean and the dishes were done, what more do you need.
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Let me tell you you will never be sorry you played with your kids or attended to them:heart: they will remember that not if your house is pristine! You are good enough! Nome of her business really… hugs 
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Playing with the kids is the fun part of being a housewife , but there are other duties that must be attended to, sounds like the writer only wants to do what she likes and it is totally unfair to expect her husband to be the sole provider and have to come home to cook and clean while she just does what makes her feel fulfilled
I was a sahm and I would say whoever is home and cares for the children and house typically does the bulk of the housework, cooking, shopping, and childcare. Male or female. Working full time, commuting, OT, etc. doesn’t allow for as much time, or even being at home. But the working partner should definitely be helping whenever possible, and offering breaks!
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Cooking and cleaning are basic human life skills, not gender specific. They expect it from mentally challenged and drug addicted people in group homes, you should be able to expect it of your full grown partner.
Let the young ones help you. Make it fun. Everyday do something different in the way of cleaning. It will work out. Time yourself in chores.
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That was the way it was and it worked until we all went to work full time, got educated and looked for some of our fulfillment outside the home. You can’t have it all and you can’t do it all. I know, I tried.
The world has moved on , your MIL hasnt. Ignore her.
I worked part time and raised 2 kids. There is time to do both. If you teach your kids to clean by doing it with them you are doing the kids a favor by teaching them skills they will need while they are grown. You can have fun while cleaning with them if you have imagination
Sjoe but some of you can judge, hope all those dust bunnies on the top shelf is gone.
You don’t need to cook and clean every day.
And for the set an example. Some of those snobby clean mommy houses children grow up to be adults live like pigs go do some digging. You’ll see.
So stop judging her. She asked if a woman’s job is to cook and clean every day. Doesn’t mean she never cooks or clean.
So run along and make sore your house is spotless.
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I think that it really depends on how your family is and what you guys do and agree with. Everyone is different and have different things that work for them. As long as you and your husband are fine and happy with the way things are and are happy with the arrangement then your MIL needs to back off and mind her business.
Your mother in law forgets she has no children at home, the time you spend with fleeting childhood is more Important than a bit of dust. You could also make a game of basic housework with the children, everyone lives in it so it’s up to all to do their bit.
The most important thing in a home and family is happiness. Do what you can do and your husband does what he can do to make thing easier in your home as long as there is no fighting and it’s a loving home that’s what matter. Your mum in law needs to back off or shut up and help out. That’s it keep doing if your family is happy healthy 
You and your husband have the right to arrange responsibilities according to your own priorities! If your husband is okay with how things are going, turn a deaf ear to your mother-in-law. You don’t need to live up to her idea of a good wife! It is sad that your husband won’t speak his mother about it, but continue to operate by your.values and priorities she may eventually get the message. Dont let her undermine your confidence! Treat her with kindness and respect. If she starts this topic with you, just restate that you 'and your husband have decided to prioritize quality time with your children, and then change the subject.
You have decided to stay home and manage the house and children. That’s your job if you want to do a minimum job than don’t expect bonuses or a raise. Does your husband ask you to go to his job and help him out? Clean your house it’s part of good parenting it gives your children an example of pride in their home and teaches them responsible.
Mother / MIL should not influence / or say how the house should run . They have finished doing what they have to . Let them work out a plan . Whether u are stay at home or full time working .It’s their job . We are only meant to support when asked .
I stay at home and I cook and clean. My husband enjoys making dinner sometimes and likes to get deli sandwiches occasionally but he lets me know in advance so that I don’t make him a lunch in the morning. We agreed to this before marriage. He’s a very hands on person and when he gets home he immediately plays with our daughter and takes her outside. We also talked about that before having our daughter and I let him know if he wants to relax when he gets home I will take her out so he can have quiet time. Communication is 100% part of this and you need to let him know how you’re feeling. If this is purely an issue of the mother in law then don’t pay her any mind. All that matters is what you and your husband think.
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If he works all day to support you and his family, then yes you should cook and clean and take care of your kids! That’s been happening for centuries
I had a mother inlaw like that she stored up my husband frequently I took it for 18 1\2 years on one of her visits I put my hand under her arm and showed her the door my husband had his meama or his family wed didn’t have much left thank to her I learned a great lesson when your kids marry keep your mouth shut ears closed eyes open they want your advise givc it
I have to say that I just don’t understand the problem. I’ve worked and been a sahm,and yes they both had their difficulties. But I simply could not imagine asking my husband,after he came home from a 10 hour work day in 100 or more degree heat,to clean or do laundry,or anything like that. I’ve had health problems,and I still managed to take care of the kids,and the house while my husband worked. If you both work,then yes,everything should be split,but whoever stays home should take care of the house and kids. Regardless of whether its man or woman.
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As long as your husband is okay with you, who cares what she says. But it would be nice if he had your back!!!
What? Both my mum and mother in law don’t think like that…neither does my 80yo grandmother. His mum is stuck in the past and probably had a different upbringing. Don’t let her get to you. Do what you’re doing…the housework will be there later and I’m sure your husband will help out
I just don’t understand have some saying it’s not the 1950s anymore and for sure it isn’t there are more modern conveniences today so many things to make the job easier than back then I feel if he is the one with the job outside the home to pay the bills your job is taking care of the house and kids
I love doing all that &looking after my husband, BUT, I Chose to do it, I don’t Chose to look after my in-laws, my husband puts in his spare time each week for them, &he is more busy then there are, I do it because they need the care & none of there own adults children will do it, not because they are busy or live over sea or interstate, which all live here, they are selfish adults children, so it is up to you, how r run your house, but u & your husband has to b on the same page of it.
Your mom in law should know how to keep her opinions to herself. Learn how to establish healthy boundaries with your mom in law. If she has nothing else nice to say, tell her that she is welcome to leave your house. Until she knows how to respect you being your husband’s wife… that includes not bad mouthing you, she is not welcome to visit her grandkids.
Just because someone has lived on this earth x amount of years does not give them the right to put their nose in some one else’s business. I am 63 and feel like my son’s relationships are their business
If you’re at home all day and don’t work it def is your responsibility to make sure the house is clean, the kids are taken care of and meals are prepared. I’m sure your husband gets tired to. But he has to provide for his family. If you are both working outside the home then you both should share in cleaning the house and cooking.
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I worked full-time, had 3 boys that played sports on 3 different teams and my husband travelled with his job so he wasn’t around to help alot and my house was still always clean. I kept a schedule and I made them do their chores. Anything less is a lazy excuse. I told my boys when they got old enough to date to look at how their dates house looked when you picked her up because that’s what you’ll get the rest of your life so be selective😂
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You didn’t marry her so who cares what she thinks.there will always be dust and mess and food to cook but children grow up in what seems like an instant
Maybe back in her days but today and it hasn’t been like that for the longest time. 50/50 in my opinion.
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It’s all about balance. I’m always playing with my son, but chores still need doing by whoever is at home. Dishes take 5 minutes. Hoover around 10-20 mins. Children still need clean clothes, beds. Im part time and off in holidays so I know what it’s like from both sides
Your kids will remember the fun times you’ve spent with them. Not all the times you didn’t because you had to clean everything to show home standards.
A home is meant to be lived in not pristine.
Ive been on both ends i was a sahm for 6 years and did everything and my kids got full attention and my house was always clean and kids fed. Now i work 6 days out of 7 45 hours plus and the house is clean when i come home i do the detail cleaning but if your a sahm you should he doing mostly everything. Thats just how it should be doesnt matter what year or were you are from thats just how things should go. Being a sahm can be stressful but there are plenty of times were you should be able to get things done in your house.
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I’m also a stay home mom of 3 . I do everything but so does he . He does dishes , so do I . I do laundry and so does he. He likes things a little cleaner so he spends time making them a little cleaner.
Well if shes home and husband works sure but when they are home clean up after yourself. Wife not the maid. Children need attention.