I’m suffering living with my Father-in-law. Without getting too much into detail, I’m safe, just constantly worrying about maintaining HIGH expectations. My question is… is it better to suffer mentally or suffer financially? I’m exhausted with my current living situation, but we are doing it to help us with our new business/ new family, etc. However, if we move out, it will really put stress on our finances. Help a momma out with some advice?
25 Likes
That’s a hard one. I feel like suffering financially will eventually cause mental suffering AND can cause alot of problems in the marriage. On the other hand suffering mentally can cause problems in a marriage too because you begin to go resentment and anger.
I personally suffer with both but getting to a point I would rather suffer financially than continue to let myself suffer mentally because it’s becoming exhausting and makes me angrier each time.
There are organizations out there who help out with everything. From child care to basic bills. The sooner you leave, the better mental health you and your family will be in.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it better to suffer mentally or financially?
Mentally bc financial stress causes never ending mental stress. So I’d rather just stress about one thing rather than multiple things.
4 Likes
Move. Financially could be solved with other options if needed but mentally there’s just no way to get around it and it’s so draining.
13 Likes
You should never have to choose between two forms of suffering. I know this is a stressful time but I suggest being more open to other living possibilities.
6 Likes
Financially. I put my mental health before anything. How productive can you be if you’re not mentally stable?
11 Likes
How long do you need to do this? Because right now is the time to cut costs. Food shortages and inflation are creeping in. Worst has not hit. But do set a limit.
2 Likes
Honestly I’d have to figure out the finances and get out of there. Mental health is so important and I’d rather have money for bills and food only and be away from that situation.
6 Likes
I’d rather suffer financially than mentally. Much easier to over come financial issues than mental issues
10 Likes
You have to take care of your mental health and protect your new family first and foremost. That is your main priority. If it’s meant to be in the end, the finances will work itself out eventually.
4 Likes
For me better suffer mentally, with enough money i can go consult a doctor, join sef healing class/ watch video abt self healing, try to a accept ourselves
2 Likes
Speaking from experience living with my mother in law for two years did more mental damage then finanal gain.
4 Likes
Personally I believe you can’t set up housekeeping in a home that isn’t yours. A married couple needs their own space.
4 Likes
If you suffer mentally you end up suffering financially and if u suffer first financially you end up suffering mentally . Maybe only a moment of struggle so you may grow also
4 Likes
Financially. You can change your financial situation but you cannot change someone’s high expectations of you. Living in an environment that makes you feel that way is no different than living in an abusive environment. If you said that people would tell you to leave. There is no difference here. Leave.
2 Likes
Have you considered other options ?? Your own place is WORTH A LOT !!
For me, mentally is worse. Ur mental health is the most important thing. I struggle with mental health and have also lived on the streets and I can say that my mental struggles are far worse than any living situation. My mentality is what almost killed me, not being homeless.
1 Like
You can’t compare the two …someone truly suffering mentally can get very dangerous…money comes and goes …there is help out the there is ways to make it fast…you only have one brain and soul though…Mental suffering is NO JOKE
2 Likes
Your sanity means more than financial issues.
1 Like
Going thru it now myself mentally is worse. I know I can struggle paycheck to paycheck supporting a meshed family of 7. Now I’m aching to struggle less with a healthier soul and mind for my family of 4. And my oldest is 17 and is siding with the other half and I feel so betrayed that idc if he goes too. I’m so tired of not being appreciated.
2 Likes
This is a really tough 1. Financial stress can cause mental stress. So leaving will cause both financial & emotional stress. On the other hand you can recover from financial stress. It’s almost impossible to recover from emotional abuse.
3 Likes
Move! It will be worth it🙌🏻
5 Likes
Been there myself… Your mental health is priority!
3 Likes
Mentally is worse. Your always gonna find a way financially… but you can only take so much til you break mentally. Plus if you move out and do it yourself in the end it will be all the more rewarding to look back and see what you rises up through and what you’ve build for yourself by yourself
2 Likes
Mental health absolutely comes first.
2 Likes
Mental health comes before financial health. Rebuilding finances is easier than rebuilding a broken mind.
3 Likes
Ahhhh for me the 2 can often go hand and hand. There’s only so much you can take mentally, but there’s alot of hurt in not being able to provide the basics. Maybe have a chat with dad and let him know how your feeling. He may not want you guys there either, which could be why he makes you feel uncomfortable? He may not even realize he’s having this effect? Try and sort it out or take the plunge and hope for the best. Good luck hard either way.
I would rather suffer financially but that’s just me.
2 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it better to suffer mentally or financially?
Better to suffer from none. Move out and find a way.
1 Like
Make a plan, set a time line, execute.
3 Likes
Can’t put a price on privacy! You deserve to have your own personal space and comfort. You can always budget live within your means!
4 Likes
Just try to stay strong , give your self a date in mind and remember it’s family they mean good even if it’s something you’re not used too ! It’s only temporary 
family is family and sometimes they may seem annoying but it’s all love in the end
1 Like
Your mental state is much more important than financial. And In Laws need proper boundaries. Run.
7 Likes
It’s a hard question to answer for someone else, because financial hardship plays into your mental health too. Personally I’d prefer to have my own place and struggle financially (this is my life anyway, actually) than be in a stressful home that is not my own. Yes, it is still hard, but I make it work and I know I can have breaks to myself in my own space where no one is judging me or expecting more from me.
5 Likes
Gratitude determines attitude
2 Likes
Money isn’t everything it makes life easier but it doesn’t always make you happy
Rather re-budget and move out cos that mental stress will kill you. Being broke is hard as hell but you can be happy even broke. Mental and emotional strain will drain you constantly
5 Likes
People tend to forget we actually live within ourselves first !
Then a house
Your body your mind is with you 24/7 this is where you truly live !
So U need to be happy mentally well before any place you live
I’d rather live in a tent and have financial freedom and happiness
1 Like
Really. Is this a question!!!
As someone with a psychology degree my answer is always “toxic is toxic, doesn’t matter if it is family or not.” Sometimes blood relatives can be worse than strangers on the street. Personally I’d rather struggle with money than live with my mother in law as she is horrible. Only you can decide how bad the mental stuff is in the house you’re living in. However, if it begins to affect your daily life where you cannot eat, shower, or get out of bed every day definitely get out! I hope you can figure out what works best for you! 
The fact that you’re asking us for help speaks loudly. You’ve had enough and asking for validation for the decision you’ve already made, but didn’t know it yet. Time to get out of there and show yourself that you’re strong enough to get past the financial struggles. They’re only temporary if you work hard to get past them.
Take a look at the expectations. As long as you’re living in someone else’s home, you have to respect the rules of their space, but they don’t have the right to be overly demanding. Talk with him and see if any compromises can be made about what is expected of you and your family while you’re living with him. It may take some of the pressure off and not make you feel like you have to be “perfect.” Your mental health is extremely important and if some common ground can’t be reached, then you’re going to have to make some financial sacrifices, put any big money draining plans on the back burner and find another place for your family to stay. Best of luck.
Move out please!!! Trust me
2 Likes
Financially if you can stand it
Without out a stable mind, it’s going to be hard to meet your financial goal
Many neglect their mental well-being until it’s too late
Take care of you 1st and everything else will follow
Best of luck to you and your family
1 Like
Never suffer mentally it will cost you everything in the end.
3 Likes
You should find a small affordable place even if you are crowded. It’s yours and as soon as your business gets up and running and your doing well you can get a house of your liking. Also always keep you mental state healthy and well.
You can’t expect to live comfortably if you’re suffering mentally.
1 Like
When you suffer mentally every other part of your life suffers
1 Like
As someone who’s been in similar situation And also suffers with depression. Get out now if your mental health suffers the things and sometimes even the people around u suffer. I wish your and your family best of luck and many prayers
Get out.
I did that too.
Get out.
GO.
You can always make money.
Financially is less hard especially if you have the will to sort it out. It’s like a step back and two forward. Mentally affects your willingness to do anything about any issue you may have. I’d rather suffer financially.
6 Likes
Suffering mentally is far worse that suffering financially. I suffered mentally for many years, thinking it was better than suffering financially. I was so wrong… once I removed myself from that toxic situation I realized that the financial situation wasn’t bad at all and I could do it and not suffer!!
1 Like
Struggling financially could cause you to struggle mentally. But to be out on your own you can look at each other and say “we,I did this” and none of the “you wouldn’t be sh*t without me”
Financial stress is better than mental illness. Without my antidepressants I am another person.
2 Likes
A new business and new family are stressful occurrences on their own. Adding in-law problems outs it over the top. You need some stress relief and the in-law problems are probably the ones you should work on. Even though you will be stretched financially, you will probably still be less stressed living on your own.
Move out go through the hardships and become stronger for it.
1 Like
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it better to suffer mentally or financially?
I would rather suffer financially. Your mental state affects every aspect of your being. From your moods, thoughts, depression,anxiety, your happiness etc…and puts all those strains on other family members and some friends. I would figure out how to move even it was not as nice a place as you may be living in…I’d rather take care of my sanity. You need to get some help figuring out your financial options.
1 Like
You have to take care of your mental health and protect your new family first and foremost. That is your main priority. If it’s meant to be in the end, the finances will work itself out eventually.
neither. you suffer mentally, you’ll worry about finances. you suffer financially, you suffer mentally. it’s a lose lose situation. focus on other shit
4 Likes
That’s a decision you have to make on your own
It’s a personal choice…I personally would rather be monetarily poor and mentally happier❤
Mental health is more important!! Don’t accept abuse in exchange for financial security!
Does suffer financially mean bills paid but not much leftover? Or does it mean not enough to live on and will struggle to make ends meet every month?
My answer would depend on that…
4 Likes
I would save up for a while to lessen the financial blow of moving to a new spot and a few months at least for rent. Personally I would rather struggle a bit (as long as the necessities are covered) then to be unhappy. Let your little family thrive.
1 Like
Kind of go hand in hand
In my opinion suffering financially is not better but mentally affects you so much more, and not just yourself but the entire family
Been in this situation and I rather struggle financially than walk on egg shells all day every day. I was even willing to live in a shelter than where I was. We lived in a hotel for a few weeks until we found a house of our own to rent. It was worth it and saved our relationship with the person we were staying with at the time too.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it better to suffer mentally or financially?
Set yourself a move out date in your head so you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and also give yourself a little more time to save. Then when things are frustrating you can say to yourself ‘only x amount of days left’ and it will keep your spirits up knowing there is an end in sight. Then when the time is actually here if things are tolerable you can extend it, or stick to the plan and get out of there. I think I would rather work extra hours or start babysitting or something to help with the financial situation but have my own space.
IMO the stress you feel living with your Father-In-Law can be alleviated in many ways. Have a talk with him about how you are doing your very best and how you get stressed out worrying about pleasing him. If that doesn’t work, try working on improving your stress management skills. If you move out and have financial issues, this can put stress on every relationship you have. Have a plan on how to get yourself financially stable and every time you feel stress over pleasing Father in law, try just being grateful for his help.
If your mental health goes the rest will follow
2 Likes
Move out you may have to struggle a little but it will be worth it
1 Like
Make your mental Health a priority.
2 Likes
I’ve been both and mentally is worse
2 Likes
Been there done that… Move… Its not worth the mental exhaustion or the strain it will put on your relationship
1 Like
Your own sanity should always come first.
1 Like
Be greatful you have a place to go
1 Like
Cut back on expenses and live below your means. It’s going to be hard but it’s possible. I did it because I couldn’t take living under my parents roof anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents but it was to stressful being a single mom, working all the time, and being exhausted they expected to much.
3 Likes
There will always be financial stress in your life no matter how rich or poor you are. Your mental health is definitely more important
1 Like
You can always find a way to make extra money or pinch a penny in a time of need… your mental health is way more important
Mentally is worse… Im broke as a joke… But happy 
1 Like
Your sanity is not worth any a.ount of money.
Mental health comes first in my book.
1 Like
Sounds like youre trying to over exceed financially beyond needs and basics. You aren’t doing it on your own anyways so how is there fulfillment, plus the man will own you with the “help” hes giving you. Wait for the inheritance in 40 years.
Simple: You have to take care of both, but survive You have to take care of your mental status.
Financially no doubt
Financial strain adds to the mental struggle, be prepared for a double whammy. If you know it’s temporary and you’re prepared for it, there’s a certain pride in overcoming financial obstacles on your own without having to put up with crap from family “help”. Be sure you can see an end to the money strain or you’ll give up and be worse off.
I’d rather be struggling financially than mentally. I mean, financial struggles WILL affect your mental health but when you’re constantly walking on egg shells… I’d rather struggle while feeling safe and relaxed in my own home.
I’d rather struggle financially than mentally because mentally it will wear you out and you will get to the point of being a robot or you will flip tf out on everyone
Mentally is alot worse .
Health over wealth. Including mental health
Mental health is better
You can’t put a price on your mental well-being. Move out. End of.
Stress is the number one killer, it will mess with your entire immune system. Mental health is very important. Finances can replenish. Your mental state mighty not.
1 Like
You can’t expect to have your cake and eat it too. Either you have the freedom and perks of being out on your own, and struggle financially at the beginning like everybody else did, or you continue living off of his parents to have financial freedom and maintain whatever expectations they may have. If you choose to stay in their home you have to respect and follow the way they live. Most people don’t get help like this to begin with so please start with being grateful that you do have a choice.