Is it ever appropriate to show up with ecstasy to a family event?

My SIL boyfriends (who is 2x her age) has shown up to every family function for the last 6 years- high on shrooms or ecstasy or both. He also proceeds to pass them out to other family members. Over the years the family has grown, got married and had kids. Last Easter we attended a family gathering where 10 kids were present. Ranging from months old- 12 years old. There were drugs passed out and bathroom rotations began at 7pm. I grabbed my husband, collected our kids and left as soon as I noticed what was going on. In the past I have always known to leave by 10pm because after that the “after party” would start. Which I am ok with. Just allow my kids to enjoy their cousins, me and my husband enjoy family and then get out of dodge because people get weird….but recently the after party has been starting earlier and earlier. Since easter we have refused to be in the same room as my SIL boyfriend. Recently another family trip has presented itself and we are being made to feel that we need to drop how we feel and accept my SIL boyfriend. I feel that he has endangered our kids several times by consuming and passing out drugs while children are present. There has been several situations over the years such as inappropriate sexual gestures and comments to other family members that are not my SIL that I have chosen to ignore but when it comes to the safety of my kids or others kids I don’t feel that I am in the wrong for putting my foot down and having zero tolerance. Should I put these feelings aside to avoid losing a relationship with my SIL and other family members because I refuse to be in the same room as this guy?
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They’re your kids, if you’re not comfortable all being together in the same room then forget what everyone else thinks. Most people don’t realize how dangerous it is to have kids in the same room as drugs, little kids pick up and eat anything. Maybe have like a family talk with everyone and agree that you’ll come only if everything starts later like it was before, after 10pm. There’s no reason everyone can’t be normal for a few hours to be with family then party later.

If I was you i would be calling the police on him. My girlfriend was the first person I did drugs with and the was in a situation just like this and she stole some of his drugs and we got so high we threw up all over each other… i was like 10 and I knew exactly what it was and exactly what they were doing in that so called private space.
Thank you for being what sounds like the only responsible adult in this situation. Keep those kids a thousand miles away family or not, toxic is toxic and access to those drugs will kill or destroy your kids lives.

This is coming from someone who hasn’t been sober for a family event in near 6 years, yet I have never brought anything to the event because it is reckless and extremely irresponsible. Protect your children, your relatives mean nothing compared to your children’s lives and right to safety.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it ever appropriate to show up with ecstasy to a family event?

Toxic is toxic. Family or not. I would definitely step away from that situation. I wouldn’t put my self or my kids in that type of situation again.

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Get rid of it…not something you need in your life

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You have absolutely no reason to put your feelings aside. What would happen if one of the kids gets into he drugs?!! I mean I’m all about the after party once the kids go to bed, but drugs can be super dangerous for anyone to consume let alone kids!

I’m also very quick to cut people off for the safety of my children

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You should report them.

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You are not wrong…your childrens well being comes first. Not only is the boyfriend to blame for this behavior but so is your family for allowing it and partaking in it. I am normally all for trying to save family ties but there does come a time when it is time to walk away from them all till they are ready to grow up. Good luck

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First off its illegal. Second kids are present and that is not safe which also means endagerment. I am one for eating delta’s but never with my child present. There is so much wrong with this. It’s toxic for you and your family. I’m sorry your going through this. I have also been in this situation.

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Omg why are u even asking this question ?!!! Of course that behavior is unacceptable.

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Great mom right here…kids always come first…and she has no problem sacrificing herself for her kids :raised_hands:t2:

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Your definitely right to keep your children away from that. For one they shouldn’t be around that behavior or drugs in general. But what if someone wasn’t in their right mind and hurt them. What if they found some drugs and consumed them. This is just asking for trouble. Not to mention if DHHS/CPS whatever you have in your area was to find out you were allowing people to openly pass around and consume drugs around your children, you could probably have your children removed from your home for failure to protect. Stick with your gut feeling here.

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Protect your kids from the exposer or go with it? maybe you could see if Scarface or Pablo Escobar are available to come with you to your next family get together

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No stay away and keep your family away. This guy’s a fucking idiot and a loser.

Yeah step away and tell them exactly why when they ask. Stand your ground, don’t let them gaslight you. It is absolutely NOT crazy to expect parties with kids present to stay drug free at least until all the kids go home.

Eta: I really enjoy drugs sometimes, I’d never do shrooms infront of kids though. For one it totally kills the vibe

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No! No! No! No! Drugs are a deal breaker in our house. I’ve cut my FIL out of our lives because his gf does them and his excuse was "the kids can’t get to it. " Nope. I’m not ever going to put the safety of my kids after family. No way in hell. If drugs are being passed out in the presence of children, it needs to be reported. Immediately. I would record it, for proof and then call law enforcement. I would tell him if he does it in front of you ever again, the cops are getting called. They can haul his ass off to jail on drug charges. At this point, he is looking at not only drug possession charges, but distribution as well. AND child endangerment because children are present and see it Your family taking part is also a huge problem, especially if there isn’t a sober adult present at all after you leave. From a safety standpoint, this is extremely toxic and dangerous to the children involved. Id be pissed if someone was doing that, but you best believe I’d put an end to it, one way or the other. Even if it meant blowing up the family to do it. Family time is meant to be spent as a family. Not high as a kite, no longer present, and unable to control your own behavior. There’s no excuse. What’s the point in going to family events if everyone needs to “escape” afterwards by getting high on drugs? You have every right to be upset, and every right to stop attending these functions and say no to this vacation. And every right to put a stop to it, using whatever means necessary, and not feel bad for putting these children first. Clearly, no one else will.

I would call the police. You have children there. Babies. You not calling the police is approval that it’s ok to your children. OR tell them to leave or Him. If she gets mad tell her she’s welcome to go as well. Tell her your concerned for her safety and she can do better.
You have a responsibility to your children to teach them right and wrong. This is tough love and it hurts because you love her. But , no. That’s out.

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Seriously how is this even a question? I’d leave and not come back

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The question is…after all this time,why have you NOT called the police for the illegal activity.

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Stuff that. I wouldn’t be going at all. What happens if the Police show up. They will remove all of the kids because there are drugs present. I wouldn’t risk my kids for anyone. If they want to do that stuff that’s fine but, me and my kids would not be around it.

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Honestly you shouldn’t feel guilty about never talking to them again!! :face_with_hand_over_mouth::persevere::dizzy_face:‍💫:woman_facepalming:t3: ever !! That’s extremely inappropriate wrong ect good job for you protecting your children shame on them :dizzy_face:

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I wouldnt go. One day there will be a big drug bust and they all will lose their kids.

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Where are these functions and can I come?

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My family would not be going if this were the case.

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Ummm, no you aren’t wrong! No that’s not normal

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So ecstasy is an illegal drug. Even if not given out to your child if there is ever a call and your present all adults get in trouble and most minors will be taken until court hearings or dcf investigations will be conducted. And yes I’m an ex drug user and have seen this situation first hand….

Never feel guilty about protecting your children, you are doing the right thing. Plus you wouldn’t want a sneaky child to get ahold of something

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Hell no, this is most definitely wrong.

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Why haven’t you made your boundaries known to everyone you and your kids are around?

I enjoy drinking, but not around my kids or anytime else’s kids. Personal choice. I don’t mind other adults drinking around them but once adults get uninhibited, I’m out. Everyone I know or hang around with knows this. I don’t judge those who do or care about their “activities”, but it’s my responsibility to be the example for my kids. Some might judge you and have snarky remarks but that’s their own issue. If other people accept it and you’re not hosting it, Just live your life, with your boundaries and do you. But definitely make your boundaries and expectation known.

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Your children wellbeing comes first,break everybond for ur children’s future.

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Don’t go where you ain’t comfortable. Stay friends with your SIL, but stay out there biz and house. Simple. Sounds like your outnumbered anyway like more ppl are partaking in the festivities and your the one trippin, just don’t go, they vibe differently than you but don’t go accusing him of endangering your kids to her, that will ruffle feathers….you are in control of who you allow the kids around…just stay home.

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Please tell me youre not really THAT DUMB

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Nope. Just say no to drugs

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Hell lady you need to have his ass busted …

We wouldn’t even go… not worth losing my babies over :woman_shrugging:t2: sorry not sorry

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Can I just say its not just the SIL boyfriend. Everyone there is joining in on it and they are grown arse adults. This actually needs to be talked about with all the adults.

That fact you you have endangered your kids up until this point over a relationship with an adult who allows drugs to be passed out like it’s candy just blows my mind …

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Personally I wouldnt attend at all. Protect your children . Dont teach them that mixing with drugs is normal behaviour

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Well do wat u gotta do if u don’t like it then stay away from it you could still take ur kids for a hour i do think people are judgemental of drug users talk to them if you don’t like but its her home so it’s not ur rules but I do agree it shouldn’t be around children at all thays just stupid and they could at least wait until children are gone

Sound a right bunch of scruffy druggy tramps!!! curious to why you let you’re kids round drugs in the 1st place hope you’re kids get taken off you for child endangerment appalling discusting mum

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Nope. I wouldn’t attend any of these events. Kids need to be raised in a certain environment and this puts them at risk for future drug use, watching adults who they look up to use drugs. Kids are not blind. Also, what if something were dropped and one of the kids got ahold of it? Or CPS was notified? None of the risks would be worth it to me. That is not a child friendly event and my family and I would definitely create lots of distance. It’s your job to protect your kiddos. No one else will. Other family members opinions don’t matter at this point.

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Stand your ground…and keep your morals they’re hard to find now days

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You got it all wrong. Your supposed to use narcan on them, not narc on them.

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Why even go if that’s the case and you feel it’s not safe because the “drugs” are there. Protecting your kids would be avoiding it all together

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I would rat them out to the local police dept.

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Sounds like you’re blaming him for the actions of everyone that’s involved. He isn’t making anyone do anything. It’s been many years and ppl seem to enjoy what’s going on. You actually have no clue about who is bringing what drug. All you truly know is that he is involved. You’re family is full of druggies sis, hate to tell you that but it’s true. Now, you can stay away and mind your business or you can go and mind ya business. Either way what they do as adults can’t be controlled by you so you have to do what’s good for you and yours. That’s a choice u have. Stop accusing him for the behavior of others, that’s not fair. Idc who you think is distributing the stuff, they way you are against it I’m sure you’re not all in the mix to know actually details. Anyways yeah, just decided what you’re gonna do for you, simple.

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The way I see it kids pick up on alot that we don’t even realise, I’m just curious as to why you have attended with your kids knowing this is what goes on?! If I knew for a split second drugs were been passed around like candy I would get my kids far away as possible! Not only are you allowing this to happen but also questioning whether you should still attend! All for the sake of a relationship. Kids come first no matter what…it’s not normal behaviour at a family event so don’t normalise it

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He sounds like a blast but kids should be nowhere near any of that…

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Not only would I not go around family in that situation, but the police would get an anonymous tip about what appears to possibly be drug dealing going on around minnow children. Obviously the family does not see the danger in exposing kids to drug abuse that is sad very sad.

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I’d call the police at the next family event SIL amd her boyfriend is at. Maybe the mid life crisis might come to an end for the dude. Cause that’s what it honestly sounds like. And I thought those sorts of drugs are illegal?

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No way in hell would me or my kids be there! And if I knew this was happening I wouldn’t even want a relationship with my sister in law. No way! Keep your kids away and don’t feel bad about it! Absolutely not! Alcohol is one thing and scary enough around kids (I do drink on occasion at family functions in moderation around my kids, not bashing that) but drugs!? No way!! And that’s a hard core drug that truly alters your mind and ability to function properly and your JUDGMENT! No way!! Stand your ground and tell her and him to grow up and F**k off if they have an issue with you protecting your kids. What if the cops got called at one of these parties?! Your kids would be taken away!! Nope! Not!

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I’m with u!! I wouldn’t go anywhere he’s gonna be!

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How can you blame only the boyfriend when the “rotation” begins? Apparently they are all obviously drug addicts, and I seriously doubt they wait only on him at gatherings to collect and consume drugs.

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No your not wrong i wouldnt go any where near him and id tell your sil why.

I personally would just stay away from them altogether

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It’s not the guy……dont go there……you can’t control people and will only have trouble trying.
Make another kind of holiday memory.

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Yea the mad hatter’s tea party is definitely not the place for kids. Do want you need to do.

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Knowing my family I understand this situation way more and wish someone had done it!

I would never be around him period.

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Anonymous report to police

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Why the fuck is this even a question? Run, don’t walk and stay as far away from this unhealthy group of dysfunctional people as possible.

You’re not wrong at all

It is NEVER ok to even be in possession of illegal drugs. If one of those kids got ahold of them it would potentially kill them.

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You keep placing blame solely on your sisters boyfriend but clearly there’s a whole lot of people doing it. Also, you don’t need to be in bathroom for shrooms, you DO need to be in the bathroom for coke though. I remember when I was little watching all the adults use the bathroom one after the other, but the toilet would never flush, and there would be 2 or 3 adults at a time, I grew up and found out it was because they are all a bunch of coke heads. To me there’s a GREAT difference between a trip and getting high on cocaine. Neither are preferable for a family event though. You don’t have to go to these events,but at least place blame on everyone equally.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it ever appropriate to show up with ecstasy to a family event?

It’d be a shame if the cops showed up. I’ve called the cops on my family before. Sometimes you have to so kids can be safe.

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After the first time I saw that happen, we wouldn’t be attending anymore family events. My kids don’t need to be in a situation like that or around those types of people…ever.

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Nope your doing what’s best for your children and keeping them safe I’d do the same thing you can always build relationships with people but never get a second chance with your kiddos

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RUN! Trust your instincts. Top priority is always your children eff all the other relationships they could get together and do that literally any other time or after everyone else has gone home.

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You’re not wrong at all. I wouldn’t feel comfortable at all if this was going on and my kids were there. Yes it has been going on for a certain amount of time but now there are kids around and it’s not safe. Do what is right for you and your family and if no one else can respect that then that falls on them not you.

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Stop attending family gatherings, you can set up a time and place for your kids to have play time with their cousins. You can have a lunch date or something with your in-laws without anyone else. Just work around it. Even holidays can be one on one with the household you choose.

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Uhmmmmm. The problem isn’t w/ your SIL’s boyfriend if he’s able to pass around drugs at your family functions… It’s w/ the entire family that is taking them at inappropriate times. Yikes! I’m not judgmental about him or your family enjoying recreational drugs together as much as the timing of their taking them together. Why single out this one guy? No, you are not wrong for not wanting your kids around that, but put the blame on everyone participating in it, not just the one guy. It’s not like he’s holding a gun to their heads to force them to be irresponsible; they are choosing to be as much as he is. Sheesh.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it ever appropriate to show up with ecstasy to a family event?

If he wants to get high, he should be doing that where no kids are present. If the police or child services found out about this happening around the kids, they would have a FIELD day, and would immediately remove the children from the care of those responsible. They’re digging their own holes here in regards to child endangerment.

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I would not attend, and I’d call child protection and the police.

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You know the answer to this. You don’t need others to back you up on it. I’d get some evidence of it all. Tell then you’ve dropped your feelings about it and act interested. Sneakily get some evidence of him using/handing the drugs out. Then go to the police :upside_down_face:

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Take the drugs might help this Karen get a life

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Sneaky call to the cops :ok_hand:t3:

Those are the drugs you’re worried about? Don’t be a prude

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it ever appropriate to show up with ecstasy to a family event?

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Sounds like your family also engages in the drugs… he’s not forcing them they’re choosing to go on these ‘bathroom trips’ so maybe stop putting all the hate and blame on just him because they all seem to be willing participants.

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This doesn’t even sound real. Because if it was, you’d call the police and never have anything to do with a man who passes out drugs at family events with children around!! He should be in prison or rehab.

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Where can I attend these “family” events?? :wink:

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No. The “after party” itself is absolutely fine, but there needs to be boundaries especially when there are kids! You’re not in the wrong. Do what’s best for your family.

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I’m not even believing this… Stay the hell away from that drugged up family. Who even does this?…

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Your job as a parent is to protect your children. Drugs today can be laced with many things. What if someone OD’s…. What if the police are involved. I would stay far away.

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Where these parties at this man passing around free drugs lol

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No thank you
My kids wouldnt be growing up thimking thats normal nor would i allow them at the party with drugs but that’s my opinion.

You set your boundaries for yours and your child’s safety your not doing it to hurt people. Stick to what you think is best Xxx

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Your children come first. Do what u feel is the best for your children. Its okay to cut off toxic people out of your life. Your feelings and concerns are valid.

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Ask your self what would happen if for ANY reason the police showed up…would you want your kids to be present? Would you want to be present ?

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Sadly, if you are the only one in your family who thinks that passing and taking drugs is inappropriate at family events & specifically, in the presence of children, then, you have a much bigger problem than just your SLI’s boyfriend. Your family members who are condoning the dangerous situations for the children seem to have lost their “breaks”… Advise: tell the family your truth & cut ties until this inappropriate behavior ceases… Good luck!

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Sounds like the rest of your family likes joining in the festivities. So thats your personal choice to not show up.

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Do not ever compromise your morals just to fit in.

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I wouldnt want explain to police and EMTs why my child got into drugs…yes I knew they were at the party, I thought I was keeping my eye on them, yes adults were taking drugs . Or telling the courts why you deserve your children back. The potential for a lot of trouble of drugs getting into wtong hands is pretty high

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If I was in your position I would be feeling the same. I would feel uncomfortable in that situation and would hate it for my children. Family or not, I wouldn’t want to be put in that environment when it doesn’t sit right with me. Do what’s right for you and your family. I would be staying clear to!

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I don’t believe this is real,nobody would keep attending functions with family that drugs were involved, so this post isn’t real.

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It this post even real?! I wouldn’t be attending any family gatherings if that was my family & I’d report them for the safety of the other children around it all!! Everyone can disagree if you like but drugs & children shouldn’t be in the same room let alone living in those conditions

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My children come first before a SIL or anyone, I wouldn’t be there. This person shouldNOT be around children…if they don’t like it that you feel this way and they don’t understand why…in my opinion they are putting drugs before children I would definitely NOT BE THERE!

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Since you’re not trying to change their behavior, they should respect your behavior.
I’m sure it’s not easy to pull your kids away from their cousins when they’re all playing. You’re probably feeling guilty because the family is making you feel like the bad guy. But you’re doing the right thing. Your first obligation is to your hubby & your kids (but you already know that).
I was put in a situation by my friends right after my first son was born. It was a girls night get-together at one girl’s house. But then, one girl made a phone call and a “friend of a friend, who knew a guy” delivered cocaine to the house — like ordering a pizza! I was afraid the cops would follow the “delivery guy” & we’d all get arrested. It was over 30 years ago & I guess I was a bit naive. Plus I probably watched too many crime dramas on TV. , but I was scared. My first thought was my husband & my son at home. I left the house immediately & never regretted it.
Follow your gut feelings & you’ll never regret it either.

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