Is it normal for men to think babies are gross?

I have been with my s/o since October 2018. We recently broke up in March 2021 after living together for 1 year but decided to get back together around July 2021. We do still currently live apart. Which is a longer story for a different time. My question for today is ..is it normal for men to think babies are gross? He made a comment about how he thinks that they are and tbh it turned me off quite a bit. He is indifferent to having children of his own as well. I have 1 child from a previous relationship. He does okay with her (she is elementary school age) but it seems that a bond cannot be formed and even after a year of living together and all of the bonding time I planned for us prior to moving in it still didn't happen in almost 3 years. I am rethinking my decision of getting back together after the comment he made about babies being gross because I can't picture having a child with someone that thinks that way. Instead of understanding that babies are messy because they are learning isn't something that clicked with him when I asked him about it. I understand it's normal to be nervous and scared around babies and children if you have never been around them much but I'm wondering if this viewpoint of his would change if he had children of his own? Or if this is just how he feels and children really aren't for him even though he says that he does want a family. I have wondered in the past if having a family is what he thinks he is supposed to do just because everyone else is doing but it is not truly in his heart. I am 29 f and he is 31 m for reference in case age matters. I'm not too sure. Just looking for input.
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Doesn’t sound like he has any desire for a parental role and that’s okay. If it’s not okay with you, then it’s time to move on. If he and your child have not found a bond in a year, one is not at all likely to form. If it were me, I’d definitely be looking forward not back…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it normal for men to think babies are gross?

JMO Don’t have a family with him.

He told you and has shown you he has no interest in kids. Break it off if you want more kids. Believe what he is telling you and showing you. Good luck

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So, i might be the odd one out here, (i have a baby of my own and definitely want more) but, babies are not for everyone, and thats okay. If you know you want more children, i would say honestly find someone else because having a baby with someone who doesnt want one is the worst mistake. You deserve to be happy and have the life you want, but so does he. :heart:

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Reading this I was thinking he must of been around 20ish years old… then you say his age… ahhhh what the hell lol

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Please don’t be with him. That’s how my step dad is and he’s a total ass to this day to me and his own child.

I mean in all honesty babies have a reason to be but they are gross and so are kids in general lol im saying that as a mom of 2 kids babies/kids pee all over poop all over puke all over wipe their face and hands on everything pick their nose etc. But to me it sounds like he doesn’t want kids in general if he didn’t build a bond with your little one within that time frame then he never will.

If he isn’t actively trying to bond with your daughter after 3 years. He doesn’t want kids, him having his own could possibly change that but I doubt it and clearly so do you. So walk away.

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My ex thought babies were gross until we had our daughter. To this day he still has hard time with other people children.
I’m sure your boyfriend will change his mind once he has a kid of his own.

After not bonding with your daughter, that is a red flag right there. He doesn’t sound like he wants kids. And I’d hate for you to get pregnant then him not wanting anything to do with baby. Don’t do it girl…let this fish go. Much love hun

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Be careful what you choose. My SO didn’t help a bit. It was all on me.

He’s telling you what he wants but in an indirect way. Just seems like he’s afraid to come out and say he doesn’t want kids.

He’s not someone you want to have kids with. And if you do I guarantee you’ll be doing it all yourself.

Do yourself a favor and save yourself some heartache. You’re better off with out him.

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If he thinks babies are gross he more than likely wouldn’t want kids of his own is what i would think, so honestly if your trying to have a family some day and grow your family I’d say this guy isn’t the guy for that. You guys should have these conversations of what you want outta your life and what you want together as a couple, that’s always stuff that should be brought up when dating someone so you can know if you guys are on the same page cause if your not then that’s gonna be hard on the both of you especially if either is willing to compromise on said things. But honestly if you want more kids and he doesn’t then that’s a deal breaker. Plus him not developing a relationship with your daughter after all this time is another red flag that kids really aren’t his thing.

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So he doesn’t want or care for kids, oh well. You can’t change that about him. NEXT.

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I mean I don’t particularly like babies either, and I feel like it’s totally normal to not want a child. My advice would be to break up, since you guys have different opinions on children.

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The real question u should be asking yourself is it worth it to try and find out? This could really put you and your family in an awful situation…

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Honestly I wouldnt stick around to find out

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Most men love the idea of there little mini me and if he truly loved you he be trying to knock you up to keep you close to him I’d let him be and find another man that will love you and your child unconditionally and want more little precious ones wit you

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He has been around your kid for 3 years and still hasn’t bonded with her. To me, that alone would make me not want to be with someone.

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It’s normal, but if he is indifferent to having children at all, and his comment upset you to the point you’re reconsidering (especially after splitting already) its better to not go through another 3 years of it. Especially if he isn’t even bonding with your daughter. She doesn’t deserve a half assed father figure.

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He will never be a good father to your child because of his attitude. Why waste your time and emotions on this walking heartache?

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Throw the whole man away

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He has no bond with your kid that should be enough to show you that having a kid with him is a bad idea.

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If he don’t want kids and you want more kids then yeah you should move on!!! Doesn’t seem like he really cares for the one you already have either and that would be a deal breaker for me

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He is telling you how he feels about children, listen. If no bond was established in 3 years with your Daughter, than there is a real problem in that. Move on. Find someone who can appreciate you and your daughter.

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The fact he’s not bonded with your daughter is a reason to leave

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Do counseling get all of this figured out before making a huge decision.

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Oh mama the way he already treats your child is enough to know its time to go.

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Your child is a package deal and she deserves someone who will bond with her and treat her like one of his own. You deserve a man that is willing to do this. This man is not him.

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I have 3 kids of my own. I love them to death. But come on let’s be honest kids are gross :joy:. They play in their feces, spit up, touch everything then put their hands in their mouths, pick their noses & butts. I guess it depends on the context of the statement. If he was saying they are gross in general then ok he’s probably not a man that will take care of his child. If he was jokenly stating that babies do gross things then I wouldn’t be offended by the truth. Trust your gut. If you don’t think he’s going to be daddy to a baby he helps create then don’t have babies with him.

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It’s normal for them to not want to hold em as much when they’re new new! But to think they’re gross​:unamused::face_with_raised_eyebrow: :woman_facepalming:t4: oh boy !

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If he didn’t try his ass off to bond with your already baby get to steppin

He said 3 years to bond with your child he still is not developed a bond with her to me that’s a big red flag that he may not bond to his own child and if a man didn’t bond with my child from a previous relationship I would end the relationship right then and there

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He’s gross for not having a relationship with your daughter. Find a new man

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Ignoring the fact that that is absolutely not normal, your daughter deserves better in a stepdad.

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There are a lot of men out there that just don’t want or like kids. You cant change someone’s mind about it nor should you try, it’ll make things between you guys worse than what they are. I personally wouldn’t be able to date someone if they couldn’t bond with my children or my children didn’t like him after meeting him.

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If no relationship is formed now, it will never happen. Some people are just not meant to be parents or don’t want to and that’s :+1:.
However, if you want that in your life it needs to be with someone else, has he can never give that to you. Since, it is not in his nature.

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Pretty sad he feels that way babies aren’t gross, I mean he was a baby once. Maybe he grew up in a house where kids weren’t special or wanted.

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One age doesn’t matter to put it out there. For two babies ARE gross but we love them through their grossness. Think about it for a minute. They vomit, they pee on you, squirt poop on you or up their back, when toddler they tend to reach in diaper if not taking it off and make poop art on the wall/themselves and the having to pick/suction their boogers. List goes on. I get that as any parent does. Now hearing what you’re going through it sounds deeper than just gross/messy. Sounds like he on one hand is going with social expectations but on the other, like my daughter, doesn’t want any. If he cannot bond with an elementary age child how will he act toward a baby? Could it be it is not his natural born or just in general? If y’all did have a baby would he help? Would you have to put in all the effort? Would he even stay with you after? Would you be willing to put yourself into any of those senerios knowing the no connecting with older child? I’m not one to judge as I don’t know both sides but that is what you have to ask yourself. Life is complicated and sucks at times but you need to soul search and figure out if this person/life is for you FIRST, not him. I hope I made a lick of sense.

Addition: why has he not committed to you by way of engagement or promise? I would worry about that first before having a baby to be honest.

Run don’t walk !! Find you baby a real father figure not mom a BF

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Girl leave this man seriously! If he can’t bond with your child after 3 years then he doesn’t deserve to be around whatsoever. Focus on your child and yourself instead of a man seriously. If u chose to stay with him knowing he doesn’t have a bond with your daughter after 3 years then you’ll only focusing on yourself at this point n just wanting to be “attached” to someone even if it means putting your child’s happiness below yours. Wake up :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

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If its been 3 years and he still hasn’t found a way to form a bond with your child, it is time to move on. Especially if you know you want more children and he can’t even find a basic friendship with your existing child. It may suck, but it will be better for everyone to go your own way with your kid.

Well babies/kids are gross (im 5 months pregnant with baby 4) but since he hasn’t formed a bond after a yr of living with you two thats a reason to not see where the relationship is going. My boyfriend bonded with my two older kids two yrs prior to getting into a relationship. We were friends and with different people when met. Im having his second in Jan 2022. Had his first Jan 2019…

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Kids are gross​:rofl: never met one that wasn’t :joy: I’d done cut it off when he has nothing to do with your daughter. Package deal

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You already know the answer!

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Forget the hypothetically baby.

Your daughter deserves a stepdad that CAN form a bond with her. That’s what you should be concerned about.

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I mean babies are “gross”. (Though I’d use a different choice of word). They are supposed to be. :woman_shrugging:t3: kids are learning, they tend to be messy, the poop(A lot), cry (ALOT), and get in to EVERYTHING! But, again, BABIES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. This is how they learn, it’s natural.

Read what you just wrote…only its written by your sister or bestie. Walk away. Period.

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Some are just not meant to be parents. Male or female. Nothing wrong with that. I’d surely delve into his attitude deeper if you even sincerely believe he’s interested in children in the future.

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Forget about babies. Think about the fact that he can’t bond with your child. Move on

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You know what to do already, but if you need strangers to tell you … Get rid of him.

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Sounds like a child saying that.
Frankly, if he’s not bonding with your child, or at least making an effort… he’s not worth your time. Your daughter deserves better.

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It’s perfectly fine for him not to want children of his own, but the question is – Do you want to have another child?

Secondly, if he’s not making a solid attempt to connect with your daughter, you had better have a conversation with him. If you’re in a relationship that’s going to lead to marriage, he’s going to have to step up. After all, you’re not just getting a husband, your daughter would be getting a step-dad. This man will set the standard for her future relationships with men, so you’ve got to make sure he’s the right role model for her.

You’re a package deal – He needs to be all in, or all out. There’s no halfway.

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Something is wrong with this dude. Dump him. For your child’s sake.

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You know the answer. Why even ask?

He isn’t going to change his thoughts about babies and you will be stuck doing everything. Walk away while you can and find someone who will share your feelings.

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How many more red flags you need?

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He does come off as someone who would leave the entire burden of childcare/infantcare on you… so definitely toss him

He sounds like a lover that doesn’t wanna grow up

Maybe u should be asking him to see

Girl tell him he’s gross and walk away.

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He doesn’t want kids🤷 Lots of men and women don’t.

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It is fine if he doesn’t want kids. Some people don’t. But you have a kid… And if you want more, you already know the answer.

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You’re worried about a baby you dont even have… worry that he only does “ok” with the child you have now and that he wont create a bond with them. You know your answer. Put your child first.

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Human beings are gross in general - but to be so repulsed that it prevents a relationship from happening is something else.

My husband is more willing to take care of the gross stuff than I am! But he has also always wanted to be a dad, too. Not every dude does.

He sounds like the gross one

My fourth child is 25 and thinks babies and children in general are pretty gross. He has no interest i becoming a father himself

Which is a shame as kids love him :joy:

Babies are gross. So are kids :joy:

Kids are gross. Some of us can live with that and others can’t. If you even have a glimmer of a thought of wanting another one, he’s not for you babe. :woman_shrugging:

Babies, toddlers, kids, adults, all gross. I don’t see anything wrong with him being honest.

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My partner said children are gross until we had kids of our own, he puts up with them being gross cuz they’re his own

You can still love your children and think they’re absolutely grossssssss but I suppose there might be some underlying things that ring alarm bells for you. The internet can’t make your decisions for you love.

No it’s not bloody normal :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

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Be a mother first!!! And u not!!! Gonna have any questions.

Yes they are… but on to your relationship. The fact that there’s no bonding at all after all this time makes me think he’s not the guy for you guys.

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Some don’t want kids and that’s fine.

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Babies are gross lol but sounds like you don’t really want to get back together with him so don’t.

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Babies ARE gross lol

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I wouldn’t worry about that comment. I have 3 kids and they can be gross😂. But it’s hard to say though, what tone did he use? What were you talking about that lead to him saying that? Did I seem nasty and hateful? To be honest I would be more worried about the relationship he has with your daughter and no bond for 3 years, says he has no interest in having one to me. Then it will only get worse if you had a baby with him as either, he will bond with his child and your daughter will notice she’s treated differently or he won’t care for either. I would walk away if I were you, seems like there is alot going on in general.

Oh trust me babies can be gross, but teenagers are more gross :joy: adults even worse :see_no_evil: I wouldn’t worry about the comment, I would concentrate on the non bonding aspect of things x

Sounds like there is a giant red flag flapping all around with like a tornado siren going off. What if you actually had a kid with this guy. Sounds like daddy issues in the making and years of resentment for yourself. Sure babies can be gross but its more his lack of any sort of paternal instinct that is worrisome.

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If he can’t bond with your daughter after 3 years …yikes! Might want to reconsider a baby with him.

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Grown men not pitting in effort to build a bond with a child they live with are gross. That would be a hard no. Just let him go.

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Kids are gross an I have 2 son an daughter my son very early age woke up from nap didn’t make noise so after a bit I checked ok him an he took his poopy dipper off an put on his head got everywhere then decided to draw pics on the walls so yes kids are very gross

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If he can’t really bond with your daughter then its time for him to go… that would be my 1st thing.

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You can’t force people to have the same opinion as you, express your concerns to him around bonding with your daughter, if you want more children in the future see where he stands and if you want different things, move on. Children are gross doesn’t mean you don’t want them or love them.

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Babies ARE gross. I have 4. But him having zero bond with your child is more concerning to me.

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If you have to ask. Listen to your gutt. Leave!

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I mean. I’m 37 weeks pregnant & have worked with children my whole career & to be fair. Kids are gross. Babies? Babies are disgusting. But it’s just kinda… part of kids & babies, so you adapt & deal.

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Communication is important in Any relationship. Try having a heart to heart and see what his plans are for future children a n d where your relationship is headed

He’s imature although he’s 31. If you were my daughter, I would tell you to get rid of him.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it normal for men to think babies are gross?

The fact that no bond was made with your child after 3 years says it all for me…

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I feel kids are gross but I have 5 of them…

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Red flags everywhere, go & don’t look back just go!

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All the warning signs are there FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.
why would you want somebody like that around your beautiful child .PLEASE FOCUS ON YOUR DAUGHTER AND NOT YOURSELF
I know we get lonely for a companion for the sexual relationship BUT my children are more precious and mean a lit more to me than any man ever will.At 29 you have years ahead …pray for a good man to come your way …Send this one away …there are loads of women who also think the same let him find his level there.
You do not need a man to be whole…Let your daughter be your companion …
Blessings

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When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM!! He hasn’t bonded with your child and he thinks babies are gross. His mind is clearly made up on the matter and if you think you can change him even after witnessing his behavior, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

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Honestly he may feel differently when it’s his own child but there’s a chance he may not. Definitely something to think about if your wanting to have another child.

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