My fiancé and I do good one week then the next we pretty much hate each other. I have depression and anxiety. He has a personality disorder so it’s already an internal war. From the beginning he has had a huge problem with checking people out … looking, staring, so much so I will be talking to him and he completely ignores me. Movies… if some sort of sexual thing, cleavage, nudity, strippers you name it- he won’t watch the whole thing but will in fact watch that and ignore everything else. I do have a problem with this as it’s disrespectful and I don’t have the urge to look at guys in such a way. No, I’m not insecure. I’ve had a child and look like I’ve never had one. Abs, a solid 7/10, keep up with my physical appearance. I just find it incredibly disrespectful. If you’re committing to one person you shouldn’t be looking at others that type of way? Right? He makes me seem crazy and like it’s not a big deal because he’s not touching. I’d be less mad if it were porn but to be looking at people in that way every where you go? So am I crazy? Should we split? Idk anymore.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it okay that my fiance checks people out? - Mamas Uncut
I dont think its okay.
Good lord. Seriously? 
Why be with someone that you “pretty much hate” every other week??
If your not insecure I don’t see the problem.
Sound like you need to leave. You can’t love him for who he is…
It’s actually normal for everyone to find other people attractive!! As long as we’re not doing anything to actually attract those people.
If you are not okay with it then you need to speak to him about it. Myself and my husband both look and I will even point out women to him whether its about their butts, face, feet etc we both have similar taste in women so for us it works.
I think its just classless, never have caught my spouse looking once so I have been on both sides and it feels a lot better on this side.
I guess it depends on if your fiancé is checking out people in front of you that’s disrespectful
Hes LOOKING. it’s human nature to look. He’s not touching or doing anything else so it shouldn’t matter… get over it.
Let’s address the one week we love each other and the next hate each other… If your relationship is like that you shouldn’t be in one. And him looking but not touching is normal and in my opinion perfectly ok, If you can’t handle that then you should leave.
Doesnr matter where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home.
Get over yourself
Do Not Marry Him, He Should Only Have Eyes For You !! He Sounds Like A Jerk 
Live with it or walk away
Girl! Id be untying that almost knotted mess real quick!! If your gonna MARRY someone, they should only have eyes for you!!
Yes people have eyes and sexual urges and there’s literally nothing you can do to keep someone from looking at someone else or gasp thinking someone else is attractive. The worse you bug him about it the more resentment he’ll build up.
Sounds toxic. Your going to drive yourself crazy.
First sentence: is it OK if my fiance checks people out?
:yes
Next paragraph: We pretty much hate each other
: well then…don’t get married. It’s not going to get better
Sounds like you have a lot going in the relationship right from the get go. I know I wouldn’t put up with the behavior. It’s rude and disrespectful
Kick him to the curb. Get out. Move on.
How long ya been together? Because if this is an issue now and you guys are engaged he’ll probably keep doing it when you’re married , so maybe ask him to get some type of mental help and if he doesn’t want to then you should move on, life is too short to let yourself suffer because of someone else’s problems . Do you girl
While he’s ignoring you I’d say something slightly embarrassing. For example, I got those strange stains out of your underwear. It might make him notice what he’s doing and you can stop when he does Also keep working on yourself and love yourself.
No problem to me…hubby looks and so do I.
Glancing over to look at someone is whatever. Human nature. Him stopping staring and ignoring you is pretty disrespectful
I had those same situation. I left.
its human nature to look, EVERYONE looks… just keep your hands to yourself… easy peasy
You should have broke up with him when it first started… He isnt going to stop once yall are married because you put up with it
Looking is one thing, but making it into a way to hurt you is another.
Me and my partner tell each other when we see someone 
it all depends on your relationship how you feel about it and All cards are on the table.
So you watch him watching TV? Lmao. What. When nudity comes on you automatically turn to see if he’s looking or naw?
Everyone has different boundaries and you’re entitled to your own. He should respect them just as you should respect his. It can be a form of lust and its ok if you’re not ok with that.
WHAAAAAAT? How is this a thing? Do you find celebrities attractive? Do you look at them? It’s the same thing. Either build a bridge and get over it or leave.
Yeah it’s a no from me. It’s disrespectful af. If you gotta continue looking at other people like that (especially if I’m right there), you don’t need me 
I’m not one to go for the whole “doesn’t matter where you get your appetite from” bs, have some respect for your partner. If they have expressed they don’t like it, don’t do it. It’s really that simple.
Also: no, not everyone looks
With all these issues you’re still planning to marry… good luck with that 
Y’all settle for some s*** men. I know attractive humans exist, trust me, I know. Once you’ve been with your person though, for along time, that shouldn’t even be a thought in your mind that your man is checking someone else out. I can’t even remember the last time I told my husband that. I don’t have to worry about that at all. Like I said, I’m sure he finds people attractive but blatantly staring at women in a sexual way, hell no. Don’t settle. You’ll find someone who won’t. Women be making excuses for their men’s actions and have been brainwashed to think that the blatant staring/ignoring is okay, when infact, it isn’t. I don’t want someone else’s man staring at me in a store, or anywhere I go. That’s disgusting. I always think lesser of men who do, and feel for the women who don’t notice.
Find someone who has the same outlook as you on what a relationship should be… You can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in the same boundaries as you and expect to be happy
Men look at other women. That’s just men. But starting at other women and being disrespectful to you in the process is a whole other level.
I don’t think you’re crazy, I think this is a tough subject…
you need to express to him your feelings about it and how it hurts you, but you also have to understand men are very visually based so it’s going to happen but he needs to know that doing it around you makes you upset. This is definitely something that needs to be worked on before marriage and constantly throughout.
If it’s a problem to you, let him go. I wouldn’t like that either.
2 options-
Deal with it…or leave. Your choice
So watching porn is okay but naked scenes in regular movies isn’t. I’m confused.
Well I’m glad you pointed out that you’re 7/10 and have abs … If you’re so confident with your looks then you have nothing to worry about
Um… just because you’re full doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu. He is human. It’s normal for men to look at women/men just like it’s normal for women to look at men/women. Do you feel the need to explain your body type and brag that you’re a “gem” is he only attracted to “fit bodies?” Don’t compare yourself to others. You’re you. They are not.
You knew going in he had personality disorder and u having anxiety and such. Are you in therapy to help your insecurities? Is he in therapy for personality disorders? You hate each other one week but not the next? Doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship anyway.
Considering you said you hate each other every second day, it’s time to leave.
Wow. You claim you’re not insecure… maybe not in your appearance but definitely with how he sees you. We ALL have eyes and most of us are going to enjoyably observe attractive people at times. If it bothers you and you tell him and he does nothing to make you feel better about it, then he’s being a jerk. Some folks will change for those they love and others are stuck on themselves.
Sounds like you are in fact, insecure. Maybe you are not insecure about YOUR looks and self, but if him looking makes you that uncomfortable it’s insecurities, period.
I would be addressing the fact that yall HATE each other every other week (because that is where the insecurities are coming from)
If you’re in a solid, loving relationship things like a little checking out doesn’t bother you. In fact in a secure relationship you will actually be pointing out that hot chick or smoking dude to your SO.
Seems to me you could be insecure and looking for things to nag about and maybe even an excuse to leave him, which is probably what you should do since you hate him anyways 
Get you a different man honey… there is plenty
Sounds like you two shouldn’t be together. Hate each other…wow. Then split. Yes…people have eyes. Yes…it is normal to watch or read erotic stuff and look at other people. No…it is not in the human genome to be totally hooked and have eyes for only one person. You can be in love and faithful, but still look. Me and hubby do. Do you think some movies stars on screen are hot? If so,then you are looking too. Do you rrad romance novels,then that is the same as a guy watching erotic stuff. Sounds like you are way hung up on yourself and believe he should be too. If you don’t mesh emotionally, then why would you even be together? Just for looks? Did you get with him just bc he looked good or something and not for love? This whole relationship sounds like a mess.
No offense but he was born with eyes for a reason. To look. Looking is harmless.
My man looks, so do I. You’re only human.
Ne personally I have no problem with my husband looking. I know who he is sleeping with every night. But if it’s really that big of an issue for YOU then something has to change, he has to stop or you have to move on. He isn’t going to stop so you need to move on. It really is just that simple.
It’s human to notice if someone else is attractive, however I’d be concerned that he’s doing it to the extent of ignoring you. If you’ve expressed to him that it’s an issue for you and he’s not making a conscious effort to change it, I’d run.
You deserve better……and better is out there.
Don’t accept anything less that someone who is all about you. Yes they do exist.
You can’t live your whole life like that.
How she expects her partner to be
Every relationship is different. Some people are okay with it, but that doesn’t mean everyone is or should be. If you aren’t, and he is being blatantly disrespectful, leave. Find your own happiness. 
It’s not difficult to give things like that up/work on those sorts of things. I find those types of people to be very weak-minded, personally. Appreciating beauty is one thing, because it can be found everywhere, and we can all appreciate that. However, if he’s straight up ogling and it’s always sexual in nature, I think that’s an issue. It’s 2022. We need to end it with the “Oh, they’re men, it’s natural for them to look” mentality.
A person can be 10/10 and still have insecurity. Jealousy and insecurity are an individual thing. What one can tolerate is not always the same as another. If you feel disrespected and your partner doesn’t sympathize or have understanding of the boundary, don’t be with them. Manipulating a person to fit into your criteria only leads the way to them deceiving you. They get conditioned on how to act around you, but will still do whatever and be their true selves behind your back.
Move on.
You’re completely right. I would rethink that engagement girl before you get stuck.
Some guy’s just can’t not look. We have friends that are a couple, have been for 40 years. He’s always checked women out and doesn’t hide it. She doesn’t say anything. Apparently it doesn’t bother her. If my SO was looking at anyone besides me and making it obvious? We wouldn’t be together 39 years. For me it’s a deal breaker. He’s NOT going to change. The couple I mentioned have been our friends since we were 14. They don’t change and you can’t demand it. You have to decide what is right for you.
I once caught my ex ogling some girl at a car wash next to the gas station we just pulled into. So I whipped it and headed over to the car wash. He said where are you going? I said I’m taking you to the girl you’re staring at, maybe you can get her number 
there is a point of it okay and then disrespectful, if he completely voids you out while looking at someone else that is too much. If it was a glance or 2-3 seconds yeah sure i get it, I looked to! lol but to take away from you to do it, no thats not smooth.
Split and run…fuck that
If you’re not ok with it then you’re not ok with it. Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks
whether he looks or not, whether you are in perfect shape or not-that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you have told him it bothers you and he has dismissed you and not made any attempt to change his behavior. That is the big red flag here
I think you are a march made in hell. If you are fighting for this, is not worth to fight for this relationship and better move on. You seem to trigger each others problems rather than balancing each other. Plus you are projecting your own insecuries and baggage into the relationship.
Our rule is you can look, but not touch lol We’re human and I point out cute girls to my husband It definitely does not seem like you guys are right for each other period though.
He sounds like a predator
You definitely are crazy he is a man with eyes and can be committed to someone and still look grow up before you get married
You might as well be single or step up your game
Ogling and looking are two different things. If you don’t like it, tell him. If he doesn’t listen, you’ll know when enough is enough. He’s creating insecurity when he should be building you up. Don’t wait until your married to decide you’ve had enough.
If you’re having this much trouble with yours and his personal feelings and ideas on what you expect in a relationship; then you need to get out now. He’s not going to change and you have a child to consider.
U knew from the beginning of your relationship and accepted it. Should have never continued. He’s obviously not changing.
So why are you with this guy if you don’t
Want this for a lifetime? Dude has sexual
Problems, and sensitivity problems. It
Won’t get better. BUT YOU DESERVE
BETTER. WHY DON’T YOU THINK SO?
BETTER TO LOVE AGAIN THAN
HURT FOR A LIFETIME!
I totally agree with this post. If u don’t leave now , you will be a very unhappy mom, spouse …this is very disrespectful especially because it bothers you. Go find happiness some where else:heart:
It is very rude a relationship for either the man or woman to make it obvious you are looking
If he’s being disrespectful with it & not listening to your feelings, he needs to go. My husband was not ok when I started doing it back to him. We were both really young and we had to learn how to treat each other
It can be disrespectful, especially depending on how its done.
I bet some of the same people attacking you are the same ones who are against gawking/staring.
Respectfully I think you sound crazy.
Haven’t you heard the saying, “Just because you’re on a diet, doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu.” It’s normal and natural to look.
But yes, you should split if you can’t get over it. Why be in a relationship if you feel insecure, jealous and/or miserable?
My other half have a saying, no harm in window shopping as long as you don’t make a purchase. It all boiles down to trust.
porn is infidelity. I lived it. If a guy is satisfied with you he may glance as you might saying she is pretty. But long stares… and oogling No. I ended up with a person telling me you will never know if I have affairs. And he had many . Run away or you will be miserable. You deserve more!
I’m not one to be jealous. I’m actually very open to things if you catch my drift. But if the roles were reversed and a man was staring at me like I was meat, I would be disgusted by him and call him a creep. Something is off to be staring at people like that… like they’re not human, just a body … idk. Even if the guy was single… I just don’t like sexually gawking at strangers constantly like that. Appreciating an attractive person is one thing. Staring and being obsessive over it? Weird. Have some class to it at least. Idk that’s just me though
It’s disrespectful being done in front of you and if he already knows it bothers you then that makes him an asshole so there’s your answer
I can look, so can he. I have even pointed out beautiful woman for him to look at.
Everyone looks. Men and women. A little glance. But staring, only looking for sexual things, then yes it’s a problem imo.
Should yall split? That’s a you question. Only you know what you’re willing to put up with. Only you know your worth.
I’m not even gonna give my opinion on your man and his staring because you obviously have an issue with it and no one in these comments is gonna solve that for you. But I just gotta say…some of you in here have no business being allowed to type a comment. Telling her to step up her game and jumping to calling him a predator. YIKES.
Idk. I feel like it’s a normal thing to look at people seeing as how they’re pretty/hot/attractive, whatever adj. you decide to use. You find it disrespectful, but you’ve known he’s always done that & still decided to get engaged to the dude?.. not to be an entire asshole here, buuut… you should’ve checked his shit at the door before you decided NOW is the time to have an issue with it.
that or set some serious boundaries.
You need to calm down. Everyone looks, you can deny your part but youre only lying to yourself. He stays with you, comes home to you, and I’m assuming helps with the financial bills because y’all are married, right? There is no harm in looking at an actress on the TV screen/porn etc…he’ll never meet those people in person. Maybe he has a fandom or fantasy that he would like to fullfill. Even still, a look at a screen hurts nothing unless you let it. Your insecurities are showing and most men can’t handle them
How can anyone say she’s the problem 
a quick look is one thing but damn no man needs to be staring at another woman with HIS woman right next to him. That’s plain disrespectful. Y’all blaming the other women and saying her feelings aren’t valid have set the bars and pretty low in men
If you have to question that, it’s obviously bothering you… you have a voice so speak up. Please don’t feel the need to silence yourself to avoid a discussion about healthy boundaries.
Doesn’t sound like normal checking someone out. My ex was obsessed with pointing out every woman’s breasts. Well he cheated on me for 9 years and that’s just one of them. I’d leave now.
There is a huge difference between looking/noticing vs staring inappropriately. My fiance and I still notice people (it’s normal to) but we don’t cross a line or get so out of control that we ignore each other. That’s just messed up. I would leave. That’s just rude and he sounds like a shitty partner. Having a mental illness doesn’t excuse shitty behavior.
Marriage is a contract plain and simple and before you sign on the dotted line the smart person does due diligence research, you’ve obiously identified flaws that are causing you distress, dont sign till they’re resolved or back out, dont torture yourself with buyers remorse
Definitely call off your engagement if your already feeling this way. Don’t marry someone who makes you feel like this!
Maybe it’s not in a sexual way. I am a 76-year-old woman and I have done that my whole life but I really do not realize I’m staring. I just really noticed people men women you know it’s just what I’ve always done and I hope not in a disrespectful way.
Omg God everyone looks 
at others even if you deny it in your own head you still look! I’ve been with my partner for 4 years now happily engaged very happy actually we both have kids from previous relationships (no kids together I’m sterilized now) but you seem to put yourself down (you suffer with depression & anxiety) then pump yourself up (I’ve had a kid but doesn’t look like it I keep myself physically active) I think the issue is in your head I look at other men/women my partner does too…The issue lies within yourself!
If your feeling this way and have concerns why are you marrying him? Sounds like you should consider figuring things out before taking the leap.
Maybe it’s not in a sexual way. I am a 76-year-old woman and I have done that my whole life but I really do not realize I’m staring. I just really noticed people men women you know it’s just what I’ve always done and I hope not in a disrespectful way.
He’s a guy I don’t care what kind of guy there’s they always look. But think about it. He looked at you jetliner that before your guys got together. Just chill
I wanna hear the partners statement on this public humiliation post…
You are not crazy. He is extremely disrespectful. I’d talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel,if he continues doing it after youve talked to him let him go.he can control his behavior he just doesn’t care enough to. You my dear deserve better.