Is it selfish to keep my daughter an only child?

Ok, so I'm a single mom of a 7 year old girl. I am having trouble with deciding if I want another child in the future (only 1 more if I do decide). I don't want to be over 35 having a child (personal choice). I'll be 30 in February. I have pretty much always felt like I didn't want anymore children after I had my daughter. A lot of it is because of how me and her Dad had her (our relationship was rocky and my birth control failed) and how he doesn't help (never has) and is rarely in her life. She doesn't have a relationship with him at all. I went through so much with him (mental, emotional and was getting to physical abuse when I finally left, pregnant and never looked back). It left a bad taste in my mouth concerning having more children. Having to do it all alone, also being alone and not having anyone to lean on except my mom. So, even if I found a good guy, I don't know that my mind would change to fully wanting another child. To be honest, I do want another kid deep down, with a good guy who would actually be a dad and share responsibility. But when I think of being another single mom if things didn't work out, it has me terrified. Like idk what I would do if it happened. Nothing scares me more than that thought. Also, the chances of me finding a good guy, getting married and then having a baby in 5 years looks a little slim. Even if I did find the guy and get married, is 5 years enough to do it all? What are the pros and cons to having just 1 kid. Or to adding to the 1? I'm just scared. I've thought about getting a tubal ligation ( or other permanent sterilizations) a lot. I have thought about it so much in the last two years. I'm not on birth control and I really don't want to be on it, to be honest. It's not that great for women, in a lot of cases. I guess I'm just looking for personal experiences about having more than 1 kid...about having a limited amount of time to do it all, if I do decide to have another eventually....I want to know if anyone felt the way I do and things have changed to more positive things once you found a good partner or did your feelings stay the same after finding said good partner......."getting fixed" and if anyone regretted it? How much harder is it to start over with an older child and a small child? I know this is so broad and all over the place but any advice, insight or opinions would be helpful. Don't be rude some of yall just come to attack people and judge people. Yea, I've been wanting to say that last part for a long time. Some of yall are just plain (insert not nice word). and no, I'm not one of the judging sassy pants that's I'm calling out. Lol. Anywho, thoughts on me being scared to have another ? Or raising only one child? Is that selfish for me to let my daughter always be alone? Idk. So many questions and no direction. Lol I know this was a mess. It sounded better in my head.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it selfish to keep my daughter an only child?

Noooooo!!! Not selfish at all.
Be a good mom to the one child you have and focus on yourself. :two_hearts:

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Have another one, You don’t want to have to die and know that your daughter has nobody. I only had 1.And that ways on my heart daily

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No.its your choice no one elses.your body your rules.

I only had one and she only has one :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’m a single mom to almost a 5yo girl but I was 35 when I had her. I would have loved to have another one but me and her dad split up and I’m going to just love her and spoil her as much as I can. It is not selfish for only having 1.

As an only child myself I can say it’s very lonely. As an adult the responsibility for your parent when their health fails is also lonely with no sibling to lean on. I swore to never have an only child and lucked out and had twins first time.

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My daughter is 7 and is an only child and always will be. She knows this. There is zero chance I will ever have another child. We tell he she was our miracle baby. And all my love is hers.

I’m a single mom to an 8 year old little girl and I’m due in November with another. I never thought I would be having another one but my 8 year old was very vocal about having a sibling because she was alone. My birth control failed and that’s how I’m pregnant with this second one. I’m a single mom still so it’s been on my mind heavily if I’m doing the right thing but big sister is so excited about finally getting a sibling and not being alone. I feel like it’s gonna be a hard transition because of the age gap and I feel like she’ll probably get jealous. But she also has a cousin who’s also gonna be a big sister to a baby sister, so they get to experience it together. At the end of the day it’s really up to you and what you want and feel! I’ll be 30 next April :relaxed:

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I was a single mom and had two at that time - I eventually remarried and had a third . Wouldn’t trade it for the world ! My boys were four years apart and are as close as ever !

I’m an only child. The only reason I didn’t like it was because I didn’t have neighbors growing up and had no one to play with. Just make sure she is socialized and has plenty of friends.

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I am an only child and I will say when I was young and now almost 60 I hated being an only child and still do. When I was young and an Army brat I was alone now I’m old and I’m it for my parents plus my kids and grandkids. I always said I would have none or more than one (kid) I have two!! And on my 3rd marriage but very happy and have been for decades!!! Just wish there was more of me…my Mom has a brain injury and I could use a sibling let me tell ya!!! Just my experience!

I have an 8 year old and she is my only. I had a miscarriage 4 years ago and haven’t gotten pregnant since then. I am now 35 and can’t imagine doing fertility treatments or anything like that to conceive, I have endometriosis. I actually plan on having a hysterectomy at some point to help with the endometriosis pain. I do worry about what she will do when she gets older and we are gone but at 35 I can’t imagine being pregnant.

My daughter asked for a sibling so I had my 2nd when my first was 7. The age gap was great because the older one helped a lot with the little one. Seeing them bond was amazing :heart: 9 years after my 2nd I had #3. He is 2 now and my girls are 18 and 11. They love having a little brother. Then surprise!!! my birth control failed and I am pregnant with #4. I am 39 and I always said I would be done having kids by 35. But here I am having 2 after that age. I wouldn’t change it for the world :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: But NOW I am getting my tubes removed after this one :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

My kids are 8 years apart. I wish I would’ve had them closer together tho. They really didn’t have a relationship. My son was older, he wasn’t into his baby sister much Lol. They get along great now they’re both a little older.

I’m an only child and LOVE it. I would’ve been so upset if my parents had had a second kid, especially at that age.

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Tldr. What about a donor

I’m a solo mother of more than one child. I’m also an only child to a single mom.

Honestly.
I wouldn’t have another kid.
Does it suck not having any siblings? Yes.
Does it suck being a solo mother to more than one kid? Yes.

I don’t think you should do sterilization though. …only because, you never really know if you’re gonna meet a great man and decide that you both do want to bring a kid into the world.
I’m anti birth control too (it sucks that women have to be the guinea pigs and carry all of the responsibility :roll_eyes:). I have used the natural family planning method for almost a decade. It works. Just as long as your periods are regular, you know your body well, and you research the things you need/want more clarification on. My most important piece of advice/knowledge in that subject is; sperm can stay alive inside us for UP TO 7 days. So a mature man who is responsible is also required for this form of birth control to be successful.

Times are too tough right now to be bringing more kids into this world without the proper things in place. I strongly believe you should respect your instincts on this one. You’re doing great with processing all if it. :100::hugs:

Wow I could’ve written this post myself, this is literally exactly what happened to me and how I feel now. My son is 4.5 now and hasn’t seen “dad” since he was 6 months. I don’t think it’s selfish of us to feel this way because our first experience was horrible or not how we thought it should be. I think itd be different meeting someone that proves they are worthy of that title. I’m almost 33, haven’t dated since I left, so still haven’t met anyone that’d I’ve even wanted to start a relationship with :disappointed_relieved: I know it’ll happen eventually, but my age cut off for another is 34, so I think I’d have to be stepmom, which I’m not opposed to. Personally, maybe I’d change my mind for the right one, but I think it’s going to be one and done for me. I hope things work out for you and you find someone worthy of that position, if you decide to have another. But self preservation is never selfish.

I hate being an only child. Very lonely feeling.

Its 10 years later and I’m just having my second one. I felt the same way as you for a long time, didn’t want another. I also didn’t want to have another child after 35 and I’m 30 now. When I came off of birth control I really felt like I wanted another one. But maybe try not to rush the decision, you’ll know if you’re ready or not and getting fixed permanently may not be the best if you change your mind in the future.

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No. I have an only child. I was an only child. My kid is 13 now and he’s just fine

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I had my daughter when I was 20. Divorced when she was three. She was an only child, I met the man who adopted her as his own. When she was 11 I had her brother. At 31. They are very close. She was gone by the time he was 7 so sorta like they both had only children childhoods. Him now her early on.
My mother was an only child and hated it.

5 years is totally doable for all of that as long as you find the right partner on the other hand, there is nothing wrong with you feeling satisfied with only having your daughter. I think it will come down to meeting the right man and you will know what you want to do as far as having another baby or not once you’re in the situation. Wish you the best of luck, don’t stress….it will all work itself out with the right person at the right time💙

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It is ok to have only one child. Now that the pressure is off have a good time raising your child. God bless

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It’s perfectly fine to only have one child. I’m an only child. My child is a am only child. She’s almost 7 and while she says she wants a sibling she can’t even get along with her cousins more than a few hours :woman_facepalming:t2: I would possibly foster/adopt but I’m not gonna have any more kids.

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I have 1 daughter… had 5 miscarriages and realized it just wasn’t meant to be. She is a happy and content 7 year old who has asked for a sibling but has a cat and dog now so she is happy. Having 1 I can focus my attention on her to make sure she is thriving. I think it is perfectly fine and acceptable to have just 1 kid. :woman_shrugging:t2: I had to have a hysterectomy so she definitely will always be an only child and she is happy so that makes me happy! :purple_heart:

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My kid is an only and loves it, she’s perfect and happy. Have a kid only if you want one. Ignore all the outside pressures. :heart:

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No matter what your child planning choices are, you’re not ‘selfish’ for making them. You’re allowed to make your family however you want and it’s not selfishness that drives any of it. Even as a third child I wanted my parents to have another so I would have a younger sibling, they sure weren’t ‘selfish’ not to do that. It’s no different for a single child. Single children across the world grow up well; healthy, smart, loved.

I wouldn’t say to get pregnant just to get pregnant, but if you find a solid relationship and want to have a child together then that’s wonderful. But also I just wouldn’t worry too much about it. Your daughter doesn’t need a sibling to grow up strong and fierce.

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I think when you find the right person… you will know…

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I am an independent mom to a 15 year old. She is an only on both sides. You have to evaluate what is right for you.
Don’t let anyone guilt trip you by saying “when you die she will be so lonely” or “when I get old and she needs to care for me she will do it alone”
Those are NOT good reasons to have another child. Make sure she has a good circle of friends and (if possible) take her to family functions so she grows up knowing she has support from family.
My mum is an only and turned out just fine.

I’ve only ever wanted my one daughter. She’s 7, she’s happy. Personally I think you rock her world now is the more selfish thing to do for us anyways.

It’s okay only having one. It means you can give your full time and attention to her and focus on raising her but if you do end up really wanting one more nothing is wrong with that either. Or you could even adopt one day and give a child a wonderful new home and your daughter a sibling that way if that’s something you feel up for in the future. Either way I’m a strong believer that things always work out how they’re supposed to :purple_heart:

U know I be ame a single mom when my son was 3 yes I had in my mind he was the only child I ever wanted and yes it was hard being a single mom but his dad did help though but sti tough just being me …I never thought I wanted another but when I met a new guy we got together I was on birth control for a year and got pregnant I was freaking out at first cause we had been seeing each other long but being pregnant with her and after having her I never regretted it I was so glad to have her even though my son was 5 years older well once again I become a single mom with her from her dad with no help with her but still I never regretted it I stood strong I had no choice to be tough and I have done great now he pays child support but not enough to raise her and get everything she needs but she is a great kid I love her I would do it all over again these people that leave are the ones who are missing out not us . U have been a single mom twice u could do it again thing is going into a new relationship u never know what is going to happen yes y go into it hoping it will last for a lifetime but sometimes it don’t happen but u will be tough and do what u need to do keep your head up .

I don’t see how it’s selfish to keep her an only child. I mean she will have friends at school to socialise with and as a single mother you can be a lil more involved and less stressed with just one. However I also want to point out that 5 years is plenty of time to find a good guy get married and have a baby. My and my husband have been together 5 years come Feb. Have a son and have been married for almost two. So it is definitely possible if that is what you choose to do.

Honey this letter was a mess. You are all over the damn place. First you need to get some type of counseling. You’ve been through a LOT and if you do find a good guy, you don’t want those past scars to hurt a new relationship. Next, don’t worry about putting a time frame on things. They will happen when they happen. Just learn to relax and go with the flow because men can smell desperation.
I wish you a lot of luck.

My only is almost 9. He prefers it. Told me he’d throw a baby out the window lol
It’s knowing your limits and owning it.
I had my tubal last yr. Tubes fully removed, so no reversal option at all…no regrets.
Selfish to me is having another, then checking out cuz you can’t handle it…just to fix what society says you should do.
You’re gonna get people butting their nose in. Some will even call you selfish.
But in all reality…I chose to give my kid a good mom, instead of a sibling he may end up hating anyways. Siblings are not built in friends…some siblings never talk to each other unless they at mom’s…🤷
If you have a second…it should be for YOU…not what others think you should do. Cuz you’re the one in the trenches.
If being one and done is selfish…then I’m selfish to🤷 and I’m ok with that. Cuz I’m happy where I am. As is my son.

It’s fine to have an only child. I have several friends and know some people including my cousin (only child) and her husband (only child) who don’t have siblings and they are perfectly fine.
I am a mom of a single child. I just make sure he has plenty of friends :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

My son was an only child for 16 years then i met my current partner and we had a little girl, my partner has a daughter whom is 8 to another partner. I was with my current partner 3 years then we had our first baby and now are trying for a little sibling for her.
I don’t think only children are a bad thing it’s a personal choice at the end of the day :slight_smile:

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Idk. All I know is when I pass my boys will have each other instead of no one. Don’t get fixed yet you might regret it just see what happens in the next 5 years. If it happens cool and if not it’s still ok!

That’s a decision you have to make for yourself, I wasn’t able to have more kids and always hated that my daughter is an only child. I especially hate it now because after losing my mom, my sister was all that kept me going for a while there. I can’t imagine if I’d had to go through it alone

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One can be just enough.

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I was an only child and I liked it that way. I myself have 3 children 2 of them are now adults and my one that I wasn’t supposed to even be able to have is 12 and he is very lonely and has always asked for a younger sibling so he has someone always there. I didn’t want anymore got tunes tied after my last. I have been a single mom most of my life didn’t want to do it alone again. My son has even said he would help take care of a baby he wanted a sibling more close to his age so badly. A part of me feels guilty that he is for all intensive purposes an only child as there is a 10 and 12 year age gap between him and his brothers but part of me is so glad I didn’t have anymore even with him always asking he actually still does to this day ask for a younger sibling.

I couldn’t imagine growing up without my siblings, and wouldn’t want only 1 child personally. It is up to you at the end of the day, maybe do some counselling/talking with a really good friend around it to see what is best for you :relieved:

Have 1.without help it’s exhausting. It’s still exhausting with a man so my suggestion is focus on ur one. Make friends who become family people who actually show up for ur child and not just in name. Kids r expensive and this new generation is different. They are way more hyper and fiesty.

My son was 12 when I had my second. I had him at 19 and wasn’t sure. But then I just knew I wanted him to have siblings.
When the time comes that I am not here anymore I want him to have that.
I am my fathers only child. When he died it was hard. I felt very alone. Going to the funeral home. Making decisions. Making arrangements.
When my mon died it was me and my sisters. So much better. For everyone it is a personal choice. I know people that had one who wished they had another and I know people who are happy with one. But for me I knew I wanted my son to have siblings.

I’m in the same boat . I am 29 with one child… if I have anymore I want it before I’m 35. I just don’t know if I want to go through the baby years again and pregnancy. I feel everything is easier with one. Vacations are cheaper with one, etc.

I think deciding not to have children for your reasons is pretty brave. It’s okay to be selfish. It’s your body, your choice :heart:

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Why not wait until you find a partner. Than decide between the two of you if you want more children

Had my son at 22. I was done. I never even wanted kids. Lol Esp on my own.
Then… I met my husband. That damn man ruined everything. :rofl:
We ha e a daughter together. My son is 8 yrs older. :woman_shrugging:
As an only child, I wish I had a sibling. It’s lonely sometimes feeling like you have nobody to get you or just be with.
If you decide now more, cool.
But don’t write it off bc someone else is making that choice for you…like your ex is. You’re letting him dictate your future.
Stop that.

Sometimes it’s best, if you don’t know what to do in a situation, to do nothing for the time being. Hold off any tubal ligation, use prophylactics, and give it some time. It seems to me it is a GOOD thing that you are pondering these questions. That means you love your daughter and you want her to be happy. She will be happiest if you are also happy. So, relax a minute. You don’t have to decide right now. I was in what seems to be a very similar circumstance a few years ago. I did nothing and the answer came and it all fell into place. It sounds like you are a good mommy. You seem to put your daughters interests first. So she will be A okay as an only and she will be A okay with a sibling. You will make sure of that. Take care of yourself, dear. It’s important that mommy be happy. Let it ride, find your zone as you are now, and see where life leads you. :yellow_heart:

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As an only child it SUCKS I wish I had siblings. Someone who’s closer than friends or cousins ever could be. I was seeking that from my friends for a lot of years, I was a kid so I had no idea I was, and honestly it was and is super lonely. I’ve obviously had to come to accept the fact that I don’t have any siblings so I’ll never have that amazing connection, and that’s okay. It’s up to you but I still think being an only child sucks. Also yes I realize there are many reasons women only have one child.

I wish I DIDNT have siblings. my sibling made my life a LIVING. FUCKING. NIGHTMARE. Not all sibilings are guaranteed to come out ‘‘normal’’. There could always be mental issues brewing.

I was an only child until I was 18 and then my mom married a man with two sons, and they are absolutely my brothers in my heart no step about it. Life can add siblings in unexpected ways.
My mom had plenty of time for me that I didn’t have to share, I was able to do more activities, go on vacations, etc that I may not have been had she had more children.
I would worry more about finding a good supportive partner if that’s what you want :heart:
But I also totally understand that biological clock :rofl:

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Absolutely nothing wrong with only having one child. Being a single mom is a hard hard job. And there is absolutely no shame in not wanting that for another child. Mine is so wrapped up in me that I honestly don’t think she would like another kid. Shes been the only one for a long time. She gets 100 percent of the attention. I would never want to have to look in another little face and explain why their daddy dont love them again. That shit broke my heart. No thanks

You don’t have to have children to be apart of the world. Cherish yours and KNOW if it is right for another.

Why would it be selfish? If you don’t want anymore children, don’t have any

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it selfish to keep my daughter an only child?

As of right now, your thoughts on only keeping one child is valid! However. If you do ever have the chance to meet a really good guy and the topic of other kids come up, maybe you’ll change your mind the. And if not, that’s okay too! You’ll know all in do time.

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My first thought in reading this is I would not suggest any kind of permanent sterilization at this time. If you have even an inkling of thoughts of another child then I would wait. If you are asking is it wrong to just have one child, I would say no! Absolutely not. If you never have another child that is okay. If you have 10 more kids, that is okay too! I got pregnant at 30. After having my son I was 99% sure we were done! I would have, and still have people tell me my son needs a sibling, however I had a SCAD heart attack 3 years ago and was told I should not have another child. That was the “nail in the coffin” as they say when it comes to wondering if we should expand our family. I chose to have a tubal ligation since I know I do not plan to have more children. My son, who is 6, has never asked for other siblings. He is a happy and loving little boy that gets along great with other children. Not have a sibling is not detrimental to a person. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: As others have responded, you never know what will happen in the next few years. Give it time and try not to stress too much about it. (I know that is easier said than done for some, and since you wrote in asking for advice I am assuming this is something weighing pretty heavy on your heart currently.) Give it some time and know that even if you do not have another child, your daughter will okay. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Mr daughter is an only child and it will stay that way, works for us. She has several friends who are only children, she know the benefits and she’s fine with it. It’s all how you look at it and what right for your family. There are many great things about having a sibling. I also know quite a few that grow up and aren’t the least bit close!! My daughter likes being an only and will tell you!

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I had a other child personally because I thought about when I leave this world I want her to have someone to heal with, not be all alone. So now she has a sister. :rofl::heart: best decision we ever made. I feel we are complete.

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I am a single mom with father not in her life since she was 12. She is 17 now. It was hard with one child to raise alone. I was scared more times than I can mention. You are still young as I had my daughter when I was 38. Sometimes she wishes she had siblings. We talk about it. It was lonely for her. I wouldn’t rule out having more children. You never know what is around the corner. It sounds like you have love to give and you are a good mom!

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If you want another kid, have one. If you don’t, then don’t. Are you worried about it being selfish because she will want a sibling? You could argue that it’s selfish to have more kids actually. Money and resources split, daycare costs, your time and energy, etc. I wouldn’t worry about it unless it actually becomes a topic of discussion with a new partner.

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A single parent has a completely different dynamic that 2 parents. You won’t know till you find a guy. As for being scared about having another child I a freaking scared Everytime. I’m number 2 of 8 kids I have four and a surprise number 5 (getting tubes down this time) birth is a traumatic thing and the thought of doing it alone I can’t even imagine. Having someone there as support would change the experience completely. You won’t know unless you are in that situation . I hope you can find someone and decide that together :slight_smile:

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If you only want one child there’s nothing wrong with that…if you really do want another child please dont think waiting on or hoping for a good guy is any part of the answer(although I’m sure they are out there) my reason for saying that is it seems you think the man will make things different than before. You could still end up raising another child without the dad.
There would already be 7 years or 8 counting the pregnancy. So they want exactly grow up as kids together. You have to decide if you want a 16 year old and an 8 year old at the same time etc.
Age difference may not matter…just putting it out there.

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Give yourself time. It’s ok to be undecided. I wasn’t sure I wanted any more children, until I met my husband. My husband NEVER wanted kids, but changed his mind to have at least 1 child together. I am now on birth control until he has his vasectomy, afterwards, hopefully, I can be off of birth control and not have to be sterilized, as it is a lot more risky with health problems for women.

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Some times one kid misses when you are gone they are very alone I have a brother and a sister my parents are gone and if I need to talk to some one I have them to talk to before I make a big mistake on a problem I have some one in my live I can count on good luck I raisedstillmy three kids by my self they have one a nother

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There’s nothing selfish about not wanting to have a child. Or another child. You don’t owe it to the world or your daughter or a future man to have another child. But if you have misgivings about “getting fixed”, maybe give it a little more time until you’re more sure about it.

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i had a bad relationship with my first child’s father, ended up pregnant and alone and did it all by myself. i used to think i didn’t want anymore kids. i met my current man when my daughter was 2 and by the time she was 3.5 i was ready for another one, and then another one right after lol. i always wanted a lot of kids when i was younger, having a supportive partner who actually helps is literally a different world

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There is always someone out there who will treat you and your daughter right, if you want another child have one, also take time to get yourself right, get some counseling to help you deal with what has happened to you. Then work on baby #2 if you choose to.

Did you ask her about it? I think including her in this decision would be good for both of you.
And I don’t think not wanting another child is selfish at all. I think it shows responsibility not letting yourself get overwhelmed, however having 2 is much different than having 1. Although your daughter is old enough to help you with certain tasks and she might even be excited to do so. I say definitely include her. Having a sibling will drastically change her life too.

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Been a single mom for 15 years. He was never there. We have a deep bond and we love it. I don’t think it is selfish to only stay with one kid. I’ve always wanted more but it was never in the cards for me. Found a great guy with 2 kids and now we are complete. Myles for years went alone without a sibling but had friends and family for fun. She will always lean on me for fun and comfort. She is my best friend. Don’t stress. If it happens then make it the best you can and don’t worry about the negatives that “may” happen. Best wishes

Story of my life and now I got 5 kids!
I had all those fears in-between kids…and mama you got valid points. It’s hard raising a kid and the good thing is you know that going in, it’s never gonna be easy with one kid or more. But I’d say it’s worth it STILL! They joy of a new baby, and this whole new side of watching your kid go from ‘the only’ to the 'big sister’is priceless.

Don’t jump to quickly to end the chances of you finding happiness and being able to have another child, I’m 47 finally found true love and wish it was 10 years earlier so we could have a child together but my tubes are tied and my age isn’t ideal, it’s not selfish to keep your daughter an only child but you’re young still and have a deep seeded thought of possibly having another don’t crush that just yet

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If that’s how you feel then why question it🤷🏽‍♀️… I want a big family bc I want big family gatherings, that’s how I grew up. I have 3 and am a single mom. My relationship with the dad isn’t great but they have me and that’s all that matters.

Personally, i think no parent will ever be ready for another child, with all the anxiety, the worries, even with the fit partner. Just make sure if you ever want another kid it is your decision not based on anyone not even your spouse, since it’s your body and all, for a consideration maybe but the ultimate decision is in your hand… Because no one know what will happen in the future… For now just enjoy your time with your only child so she will have the best childhood with or without a sibling. Worrying something that not even happen/ might never happen can make u lose focus on the now, and kids grow up so fast.

I always told myself I didn’t want kids after I turned 32! Well, I have 4 now and the youngest I had a month before I turned 35 and he was the best surprise EVER!! My 2 cents would be; don’t limit yourself, and give yourself some grace, you never know what’s going to happen and change over the next few years. Just let it happen how it’s supposed to.

Do what you feel is right for your body finances as and it’s a lot on you by yourself

Just here to say 5 years is plenty of time

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This hurt my brain to read lol slow down chick. See where life goes. Over thinking everything will create stress.

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You sound like a hot mess and might consider giving yourself more time to decide, which would mean you should be on birth control until that time. If not, you are just copping out on a decision and seeing ‘what happens’. Not the best plan in my humble opinion. Also, your age deadline seems very arbitrary so why not just chill until you feel better able to decide?

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It may be selfish but selfish isn’t bad. I hate that the word selfish always carries an negative connotation. Like it’s totally fine to only worry about yourself. Or to only have one child. Especially for your reasons listed. It’s fine to be selfish :woman_shrugging:t2: you’re not a bad person. Just focus on you and your daughter :slightly_smiling_face: a lot of kids don’t have siblings and they grow up just fine.

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I’m an only child. I had great older parents and I’m not selfish and am well adjusted. I had opportunities my friends with siblings did not. Having a sibling is no guarantee they will get along or support each other as adults; I know many who are estranged. You probably have other family members like aunts, uncles, cousins, third cousins once removed who will be part of her life.

And you can always create a family of people who love you. Most of my “relatives” were not blood related but the love and joy and caring was real.

Because of day care and organized programs kids are socialized early. Only children can be more independent and self-reliant. And if you’re thinking more children will be able to help out in your old age, there are no guarantees.

So be one and done! It’s a winner. :wink:

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Sounds like you have made a wise choice just make it clear to any future partners

To everyone commenting that they don’t want your only child to be lonely I offer another opinion.
My brother, my only sibling, is a monster. He is currently in jail for stabbing my husband and is an all around terrible human.
Our parents died last year and I feel like he is now my responsibility. A burden really.
It’s not always sunshine and rainbows having a sibling

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Just wait and see if you meet someone nice and then decide

Of course it isn’t selfish. Also nothing wrong with being an only child. There are pros and cons to both sides. Honestly, your daughter will do best if you focus on being her mom, and raising her, and not bringing relationship after relationship in and out of her life.

I do not have a relationship with my brother not all siblings turn out to be friends
My friends are my family.
You could be married with one on the way in less than a year. Let things happen and dont stress :heart:

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Some people decide not to have children at all. Do whatever you want to do. If one is enough for you then one is enough for you. Doesnt matter what anyone else’s opinion is.

I dont think it’s selfish to have 1 child. I do however think it’s selfish to just have a child because you feel like it’s selfish to only have 1.

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1st @ 18, only child for 17 years & she loved being the only child (spoiled) second child @ now 35 & 1st is overly excited about finally having a sibling. I felt the same way and refused to have another kid until the right man came along to share responsibilities with another child. Worked out for me, you can do it & everything will be ok.

I had just my daughter until she was 6. With the same situation as your child’s father. I’ve raised her alone. Hooked up with a guy one time and ended up pregnant again. And went through the same thing I did with my first daughter’s dad. I had to start all over with a baby again and no father to help me. Its been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I love my girls more than anything and I would never trade it. But if you have just the one, stick with just the one.

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As parents there is always something to feel guilt about. That doesn’t mean we have to change or justify whatever it is. If one is what makes you happy, then nobody else has the right to question that.

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Ok, you have several issues here. First, don’t rush to have a surgery yet. Don’t settle for Mr. Here and now just to get your jollies off. Yes, you have time to meet Mr.Right and form a lasting relationship get pregnant and have a child in a loving, supportive relationship. Take a breathe, relax and enjoy time with your daughter. You never know who waits for you around the corner. You have been through a terrible situation and deserve to enjoy time with your child. She is a beautiful blessing that came from a not so positive relationship. Having a second child is a personal choice. Their is no right or wrong answer. Does she want a sibling ? Do you have a support system for her ? Family, close friends ? Also make sure that she participates in extra-curricular activities that provide child friendly socialization. You have to feel comfortable at the end of the situation.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with only having one child!!!
I have 3 siblings and barely know them. They’re all 10+ years older than me and none of us have a relationship with each other. There’s no Guarantee that having another child that those two children will even like each other. Everyone is different and two of my own kids don’t jibe at all!
Give your daughter the best life and enjoy your own. Siblings aren’t needed to give her a fulfilled life!

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It’s not selfish to have 1 kid or 0 kids. Not everyone wants 30 kids . Super okay to have an only child.

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I have 4 biological children. I had a tubal ligation 11yrs ago (bad marriage). I met my current husband 5 1/2 yrs ago. He has 1 child from a previous marriage that we are raising full time. My oldest is in college and his (our) daughter is almost 9. We are currently going through our first ivf cycle to have a baby together. It took many years before I regretted my tubal ligation. But at the time it was what I thought I wanted. Whatever you choose I wish you the best :heart:

It’s not a decision you need to make today or even tomorrow. Take a deep breath and leave yourself open to love. The right guy will show you by his actions who and what he is. Also. while you have to make decisions right for you, don’t put such strict timelines on things. I met my husband of 16 years at 35 and married at 36. I had my two kids at 38 and 41 and thank God for them every day. Ask yourself if, with the right partner is 36 a deal breaker