Is it silly of me to stay with my partner who doesn't provide for us?

Am I silly for sticking by my partner of 4 years (and two kids) while he doesn’t have a job… and never has had a job while we’ve been together… I have hope that he’ll one day get his stuff together, but I’m sick of struggling financially! I obviously love him and know money doesn’t solve everything, but I feel like myself, and my kids deserve better… I have worked on and off and volunteer… as well as looking after our two kids the majority of the time before you say that I could just get a job! Someone give me hope that it’ll get better and he’ll grow up one day?!


It’s been how long? And he hasnt changed yet? Hes too comfortable. Leave him and let him get his shit together… or not. Either way you win bc he wont be leeching off you

It will not get better and he will not grow up one day :two_hearts:


You both have 2 children. Your both equally responsible for them . Wich means he needs to get job .


Wait so neither of you work? Like how does that happen? How do y’all get by I mean bills, groceries, necessities for the kids? I’m so confused :woman_shrugging:


Expect what you accept.


Why would he grow up if he doesn’t have to? You work and care for the kids, so he can do as he pleases. You’ve allowed this behavior, so it has continued. He isn’t just magically going to grow up. You and your children deserve better. Demand he contribute or walk away.


Yes you’re silly! He needs to be a man and grow up


Well as an adult and a mother you should never rely or depend on anyone to support your children nor yourself… he hasn’t been employed even when y’all first got together ?.. your his biggest enabler! I’d tell him either get off your ass and help support our family or I’ll go do it a lot with one less mouth to feed :ok_hand:t2:

Your with a manchild.

leave the loser and get a job yourself yes i know thats not what u want to hear but u have 2 kids its nobodys responsibilty to support them but yours and his .


He’s not just a problem in this situation you are too… you guys have 2 kids together both of you should be working :woman_shrugging:t4:…I’m very curious how you guys support your household with you only working on/off and him never?


You’re both silly! You both need to get real jobs and pay for and raise your kids!


I think you know the answer to that.


Well you should have made sure he was going to provide before you had 2 kids but since that has already happen you need to leave him, he is taking from the kids and not being an adult.


Nope he will
Not grow up, your going to have to pull it together for you and the kids. Be strong, be confident. You can make it work if you stay or leave. Hopefully you can find full time work, or go back to school for higher education, he can stay home and take care of the house and kids. Good luck I hope everything works out.

So basically you have 3 kids lol. Go find a MAN!


some men have to be forced to grow up. give him a ultimatum and then follow through with it.

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Nope. It’ll never get better. My ex has worked only like a year total of me knowing him and never before that. He flat out told me he’ll never work. He doesn’t “need to.” Walk away now. Seriously. Let him figure his crap out. You go take care of those kids and maybe go file for child support. See how he likes that. If those are his kids, he had a responsibility to help out. They don’t take no job as an excuse.

You are no better than him you both need to grow up get jobs and support your kids.


I have never met a man who wakes up one morning and says I need to start providing for my family when they have never done that before. If he didn’t do it when you start having children, he is never going to unless you tell him he has to. You do not have to provide for him as a grown man. Some men have to be told “grown up or get out” before they come to the realization that their self indulging behavior has to come to end.


Welfare of course or doing something else lol

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My man and I are the same way but…, we have an agreement I have a career he’s a stay at home daddy I work but he helps around the house tons communication is key

How do you tell him to get a job if you don’t either?? You both should work 2 different shifts n take responsibility of house n kids…


Leave him. 4 years and 2 kids later and that didn’t make him grow up?! Nothing will.

My son’s father was like this. While I was pregnant I was in college AND hiding my bump looking for work cause he wouldn’t get off his ass and get a job. I ended up leaving him 4 months after my son was born just because I could not deal with his absolute trash behavior :nauseated_face::face_vomiting: (note- he hasn’t changed much in the last 6 years, they DO NOT change)
Why be with someone if you’re just doing all the work anyway? You’re supposed to be a team with your spouse, not their caregiver. You can do better girl. Trust me.

I would have booted his ass out after a year …smh

No hun, go and do right by your kids, hes not gonna change if he hasnt already

Not silly, just stupid.

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How are you guys even surviving if he’s not working and you’re only working off and on??

If y’all are 4 years and 2 kids in, he’s not going to grow up. Leave and find a real partner.


I’m in the same boat but indo work and provide for us. So things are paid but still live paycheck to paycheck

You should never have to force a man to provide for his family. If he wants to take care of you and your kids he will do anything in his power to do that.


I hope that this is a joke…No one works??? So who is supporting this family of four??? Oh yea Tax payers…first off why would you get involved with a guy with no job??? Second why would you have two kids??? Were you working when you met him??? If so why did you quit?? Seems to me that one of you could get a job to support this family. I agree with both of you getting jobs and working separate shifts…you both need to step up and show those kids what responsible adults. This might be tough, but this is how I feel. As a single mom I worked and made it work…


Silly? Ummm…how many years has it been and he still hasn’t worked?
Between now and dead how do you want to continue to live your life? Clearly he is enjoying your support.

From the sounds of it, you don’t like to work very much either, being as though you said you have worked on and off. You both sound very lazy by the way this post is worded. I could be wrong but that’s what I took away from it. I’m not sure how you take care of 2 kids with working on and off and having a man who won’t work at all. My husband and I both work full time, I wouldn’t have a man who won’t work. Leave, yes! And get your shit together as well before moving onto someone else.

You went into this relationship and had kids knowing this was how he is.
How are you guys even surviving…if neither of you is working full time?
But beyond that…
Why didnt you question it before?

If you want to leave because you dont want to support him…then leave.
But you’ll still have to support your kids. So you’ll still need to work.


Why isn’t he working? Can he be suffering from depression, PTSD any other mental health issues. I ask because my husband of 16 years worked our first 3 years of our marriage because Im bipolar and was filing my SSI. I received it we moved to another state. He had a breakdown from childhood trauma and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. My SSI has been our only income for 10 years. He is waiting on answer to his hearing. If you love him find out what is effecting him. Men already feel less than we they can’t provide. Not making excuses for him. But there is normally an underlining reason why he isn’t working besides just laziness. You took an oath to love him through sickness and health. If isn’t beating you or your babies or cheating on you work it out. God will provide it may not be want we want but he will always provide what we need. Just think if it is mental health and he gets on meds your income can and will increase. PLEASE don’t throw away love for being financially comfortable. It will come. Trust God.

Sounds like neither of you are being grown. Both of you need to seek full time employment and work opposite of each other to care for the kids. How do you even survive???


if he hasn’t worked in 4 years, he isn’t gonna work-time to let go!!

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Why are people commenting how do you run a household if he’s not working and you only work now and then especially with 2 kids, I mean really!! C’mon stop being dumb we all know who’s paying their rent power and food :joy::rofl::laughing::grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:


You both allowed it to be a habit. A bad one. It’s ok for mom to work n dad cares for home when it works but if your family is struggling to stay afloat he needs to man up and do his part to try n provide financial help for kids you didnt have alone. If the shoes where on the other foot I’d be sure to look for more work if I knew my partner was struggling. This is called being a responsible adult taking care of their priorities. When tough times call both parents should step it up. I’m sorry your going thru this but maybe an ultimatum is in order here. Give him a few months to get himself together whether its job hunting or seeking therapy if he is maybe stuck in a rut and let him know you can no longer financially support him if he doesnt try to help himself . Your kids come first.

I’d only stay if he wash, cook, clean n care for the kids while I work, since he wants to be a sahd

I’m not giving you hope, I’m telling you to run. You deserve better. And not just someone who will take care of you. Someone who will be a partner to you. Who will work and push you to be your best as well.

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Per Dr. Phil, the biggest projector for future behavior is past behavior. Good Lord girl after this amount of time do you really think this guy is going to walk out the door and get a job? You deserve better than this. Kick him out and tell him that when he has a steady job for three months you will consider letting him move back. I know this is easy to say but there comes a time to be strong and put your foot down.

Hmmm…he evidently doesn’t care about you or your kids

Seems like you’re waiting for 3 kids to grow up.
•••Leave before you get knocked up again.

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Sorry to say if he hasn’t grown up yet he never will take your kids and get out!!

A man that doesn’t provide for his family doesn’t deserve to eat - The Bible

If he hasn’t by now, why would he? Obviously you’ve never given him a reason to. If having kids and providing for you weren’t enough to do it, he’s not going to. I also think you shouldn’t burden someone else with providing for your children. You two made them, it’s both your responsibilities to make sure you keep a roof over their head and food on the table. If it were me, I’d be providing for yourself and your children by getting a full time job, if there’s no physical reason you can’t. Obviously, it isn’t a priority for him, so one of you should step up to the plate and make it a priority. This should’ve been a conversation you had before having kids with him.

Think about the example you’re both setting for those kids. They need security and stability. They need a role model. If neither of you is committed to taking care of yourselves, muchless ALL of their needs, who can they count on? That’s a tough situation to live in. Someone needs to step up, here.

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If hes home and not working, get a job yourself. If he is sitting on his ass, he can watch kids. If thats not the case then leave while you still can before things get worse. My ex of 4 years never worked a day in his life and i provided for us and my daughter. He got emotionally, verbally and physically abusive and always said it was my fault he couldn’t get a job.

Nope run, it dosent get better, sorry. If he dosent want to change after 4 years, he isn’t going to. I held on for 6.

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Very doubtful he will ever change . Mine didn’t .

If he hasn’t by now he isnt.

Doesn’t sound hopeful. The whole situation. If he doesn’t work then he could look after the kids so you don’t have to look after the kids - it’s a choice. Just as his not working and providing is a choice. It sounds as though you have tried at times, and so I don’t mean to come across harsh but it takes two to tango as the old saying goes. Yea he should get a job but as much as, or no more than, you should.

Yes. It is silly to stay. I stayed with a man for 8 years and after two kids he STILL didn’t get a single job. He would rather his kids go without and be in poverty than work. LEAVE and find someone who wants to provide for you and your kids

Shanley Joelle Mosqueda.

I’ve been in your situation. It’s not going to get better. Run.

A man wont change unless he wants too…learned this the hard way. Hope things get better hun!


A man that doesnt have goals or a desire to better his life not only for his family but for himself, esp once he has kids,probly isnt going to change his ways. If you don’t make it a requirement in your relationship, then he deff wont. If you let him stay comfortable living like this, why would he change. Its not your job to make him grow up, he should of done that a long ago… but if you continue to accept it, he has no reason to change his ways. I’d start having this conversation, and if he doesnt see the vision & need for improvement for you & his family, i’d plan to leave. You & your kids deserve someone who wants more for you all, and there are plenty of men out there with big goals. I hope it works out for the best.

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Why doesn’t he have a job? If it is laziness BOY BYE!

Regardless of money both partners need to be putting forth an effort to better each other, the family and the home. If they don’t then they’re not contributing they are only using .

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What exactly does he do for his family? Providing money isn’t the only contribution one can make to keep a family strong. Is he caring for his children while you work or are you still having to pay for day care? Does he do any household chores? Basically what a typical idea of a housewife but he’s a house husband. But obviously whatever works best for your family. My ex complained he couldn’t have a job because of his migraines. Then he complained he had to be out at all hours because he had to establish a relationship with the people he got weed from to keep his migraines at bay. And then when I needed him to step up and help me take care of household needs he would either complain about it or blame me for something or another. He once punched me for trying to tell him we could rent a carpet shampooer without a credit card. He justified it by saying he was dry for a month and got agitated. His mom also watched our children for me while I worked. So he had any freedom to do as he pleased while I financially supported us. So if these elements are there, I beg you to run.

I’m just surprised on how many of you are blaming him and saying run. Because he’s not financially stable? One you should NEVER rely on someone else to provide for you as if you are their responsibility. You knew when you got with him who he was and that’s what you chose. 2 you have children why are just now wanting financial stability. And worried now? You both are at fault. If you are struggling. Change it. Your partner can either change with you or get out. Same can be said for you. Grow up get a full time job and do what you have to. It’s no longer about you or him. Your kids deserve better. Money isn’t everything but to build your kids future so they don’t without is very important. You both can grow up or your children deserve to be with someone who can. Don’t ask fb you know what you need to do.


Does he take care of the kids while you work? Does he prefer to be a stay at home dad? Do neither of you work? I’m a bit confused but it’s really important to 6alk about these things and decide together if one person will stay home with the kids and one will work. I always worked prior to children but it was important for me to be able to stay home with my kids. I havent worked in almost 5 years.

Why work… You’ll take care of everything… Been there …runnn

Silly ?? It’s bloody ludicrous!!!

You need to learn your self worth, sticking around w/a lil boy are games. Especially if yal are just bringing children into this world and he’s not doing his part in Financially supporting them. I will never understand “why” anyone could stay in that kind of marriage or relationship. Their mothers must of not taught them to become men.

It’s not going to get better. People won’t change for others, but because they want to. What you’re doing it quite literally the definition of insanity. Doing something over and over again, with hopes of a different result. Your kids deserve better. Being a single mom is hard, and scary but better then where you’re at now. You will have to work, but providing for yourself and two children, being alone is better then being in a relationship with someone that is simply using you.

Why are you asking this after 2 kids and 4 years? What’s changed?

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Move on you also need to have a good role model around your children and he doesn’t seem to be that. That’s not setting a good example.

A thousand times YES! You deserve better and so do your kids!

I just left my husband of 4 years last month because he couldn’t keep a job to save his life. Then he stole over 400 dollars from my kid’s savings and he went to the curb without a second thought. RUN and don’t look back. it won’t get better

Ive been there done that. It will Not get better! Take your kids and go.

Not likely. How do you manage to keep the bills paid? If he is capable of working he needs to be working or do the the child care home person thing and you get a job. Even if he is just working at Macdonalds . And he needs to contribute the money to taking care of the family or it is out the door. Your kids do deserve better. and so do you. 4 years???

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You can’t change him unless he wants to and that’s no way to raise children they need better. They will grow up living on the welfate

My ex went our entire relationship with out a job - 3 full years of not working, 3 years of not helping with our apartment, 3 years of not helping with kids.
It has been 9 years since I left and only in the last couple has he finally gotten a job and kept it.

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It’s been 4 years dude…he’s not going to change
Also YOU need to get a job to support yourself and your 2 kids
You can’t both be deadbeats


Okay I’m going to ask this because I know if the roles were reversed it would be different. When he’s home what does he do? Does he at least have the house cleaned, look after the children and take them to school and activities, and have dinner ready when you get home? Because let’s face it no one would say shit if that was a woman. We can sit home jobless and we are called homemakers or housewives. A man can do the exact same thing and he’s a bum.
What does he say when you tell him he needs to get a job?

So neither one of you work?

This is the reason people who are truly struggling are looked down on when they need help. People (you and him both) can get a job but decides they rather have a free ride. You being a mother doesn’t mean you don’t have to work to support your family, you both should be working and paying your own way.


He never works. You work part time. Who supports you?


Or you can do both get a better job and a better man. I my experience, my husband and I both have inspired the other by focusing on our contributions to our 31 year marriage, when he strives to improve himself, our lives I aspire to keep pace and improve myself and our lives. Birds of a feather flock together—-

We support her and him as tax payers :no_mouth:

I dated a dude for 4 years had a full time job for like a month the entire time we were together. Otherwise it was part time jobs. I left. I was tired of being the only one working full time along with so many other problems we had.

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Girl demand he get better, set a day he has to be better by. Or leave. No one will be mad if you leave.

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He’s a free leading loser. I don’t understand what there is to love when he’s not contributing to anything.


What are his reasons for not working? Has he looked a job? Does he have a record? Are there medical issues? Is he depressed and not getting treatment? Was he like this before you? So many things can be an issue.


How do you function when neither of you have a stable job? In most cases you both need to work. Also if he is doing the same as when you met why do you think he will change 4 years later? Once they ride the couch it’s hard to ever get up and be an adult!


You’re supposed to be his life partner, but it sure sounds like you’re his mother. You have two kids, not three. Move along for your own sanity and self worth.

How on earth do you guys survive not working, I’m working full time with 2 kids and I’m just managing lol

Money doesn’t solve everything, but you definitely can’t survive off of love alone. You know the answer to the question.

He won’t grow up as long as you take care of him. You and the kids deserve more. Plus the kids are learning terrible examples

Sounds like you have hooked up wth a Lazy dude unless he is unable to work. If he is healthy dump him . You are being used

One of you need to get a job to support yourselves and your children. Is he dealing with mental health issues? Have you thought about talking to him about being the stay at home parent whe you work? I have actually been the sole provider for my family for going on 4 years now. My husband is a stay at home dad. It was a lot of money for childcare, so he stays home with our youngest all day and gets the other two to and from school. He does most of the housework and most of the cooking. It’s what works for us and worth talking about as an option so you atleast have a solid income.

Honey love isn’t enough if he doesn’t provide for his family. Open that front door and kick his ass hard out it. Get a job or get out!

2 months… maybe something happened, understandable. 4 years?!! hellllll no.

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What you allow…u encourage!

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The only way I see this working out is him being a stay at home dad …kids . Cleaning …school …cooking…bills …groceries …errands …and you working …unless he finds a jon he needs to be responsible…if Xbox is a problem lol SELL IT …that might set his priorities straight

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You have another child… wtf get outta there

He won’t, why would he when you let him get away with not doing so?