This is awful. I just think he doesn’t really love you. I know its hard because you love him but for your sake tell him to hit the road. You deserve better
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Why would u want a man who can love someone else and cheats on u and puts ur kids thru that??? Men who love u dont do that…
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It’s not possible to love two people. If he loved you he wouldn’t have “fallen in love” with the second. I would never continue to carry someone’s children’s and be a second choice. You should leave. He will do it again.
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Sounds like convenience for him.
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Once a cheter always a cheter
My normal advice for cheaters is to leave. That being said, what you guys went through is something so painful. Honestly, if you feel you can get over it and build back something worth it, do it. If you feel like the betrayal was too much for you, than let him know. What he did was so wrong and hurtful but ultimately it’s your choice.
I believe yes, it’s not a matter ‘if’ its a matter of ‘when’
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Sooo he only wants to work it out because she ended things… what exactly do u need us to tell you? Ur the second choice and wouldn’t be in the pic if she hadn’t left… U lived in the same home and he couldn’t be bothered to see u or even his kids but now he wants to be dad and husband of the yr??? Chile no… move on…
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I do not agree with once a cheater always a cheater. But he was in an actual relationship with you and her. Shame on him and shame on her too. I think separation and counselling could be beneficial so you can heal and work on you and your needs. He’s not thinking of your needs, only his.
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So he cheated on you told you her moving in with her had stuff all to do with you and the kids while still living with you now his mistress found out he had sex with you and ended it and now he’s sucking up your butt. Kick him out her only using you for a roof over your head. If he really loved you he wouldn’t have cheated on you and treated his family like shit. You are just a door step to him
What’s going to happen if she wants him back all of a sudden?
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Yes, I just caught my husband cheating tonight. His mom told me he had cheated on his previous wife just a couple months ago and we’ve been married two years. Zebra’s can’t change their stripes
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It’s really up to you… but cheating does a lot of damage mentally & emotionally. It’s like a fight with your mind & heart. Are you going to fully trust him and accept his effort or are you going to constantly think the worst? I’ve known men personally that have changed. They grew up & really put the effort into their relationships. Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this from their pov. It’s really just up to you. Good luck & I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
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A man will only do unto you what you allow him to do and being there for his children is a must! You allowed him to slack off of those responsibilities and he was still in the home for the record he doesn’t want to be alone… move on from his cheating self and co-parent 
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Throw the whole damn man away. Sorry but some men are just 
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He will always cheat…he only wants thing to work out with you because he lost her and when he finds someone else he will do the same thing to you!
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What did I just read?! Hunny don’t be second fiddle when you can be first chair for someone else!
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Find out why he cheated on the first place and what she could give him that you couldn’t … and figure out if you can give him the things he needs and the things you need. If you both have everything you need then no need to cheat … pretty simple really
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Save yourself the heartbreak
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Do NOT trust this man!
He is only wanting you back as she walked away.
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I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater people can change and I strongly believe if you have children together they deserve a happy family and as parents we should work on things to make that happen for our children! But if it just won’t work then not much more you can do. So many people nowadays are quick to give up and become miss independent women not needing a man but yet your children need that family structure it’s healthy for them.
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99% of the time yes but for the right relationship no
Some people are just selfish and will always be selfish and only think of their needs. I believe in marriage, and I believe there are problems in marriage that are hard to deal with but if he already had plans of leaving you, I wouldn’t go back to him. He already checked out of the marriage. Screw that. Someone who in a marriage pulls through the hard times, through the times that seem boring or uninteresting. You try harder. Not just give up.
He’s only staying because she fobbed him off sorry but you just keeping the bed warm for they next one, look at how he walked all over you with that woman he liked having you both on the go but you felt like you won because she left him, you didn’t you were just easy now he’s depressed again because his entertainment is gone but I can promise he’ll have a new one soon enough and youll stay for the slops again unless you find your worth
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He will not change but do it when YOU are ready. Don’t worry about him think of you and the kids and get your ducks in a row. You deserve better and so do your children.
He will always cheat if he done it once will do it again x
Sounds like had she not ended w him he’d be with her. All this crap will sneak up on you and you’ll be full of resentment.
Don’t be the 2nd choice. You deserve to have someone all about you- he made his bed with his 2timing ways his depression is not your responsibility! Tell him to go lay in that bed he made!!
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I have an ex boyfriend who seeks me out when he’s not happy in his current relationship/marriage at that moment. He’s done it off/on for years. Dont be somebody’s second choice, you deserve so much better and to have the best life you can.
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You’ll never be able to trust him and he’s a weak man. You’d be better off without him.
I’m always one to say walk away from a cheater, but this is different.
Personally, I think this situation is so much more complex. I think he needs to go therapy and organise his thoughts and feelings from losing the child you and him had together. He needs someone’s help to analyse why he cheated and help identify what he really wants. At the end of all that, he might realise that deep down he doesn’t want to be with you, but equally he may realise that cheating on you was a reflection of something more complex.
Men often don’t know how to handle big emotions. Especially coming from a generation where they were taught not to cry. It doesn’t make what he did right but it may give an explanation.
Personally, I would give it a go so long as he went to individual therapy and if possible couples therapy too. No parents should go through what you went through. X
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history repeats itself cheaters dont change
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Your second pick. If your happy to always come second to another woman then stay. Sounds like he’s only staying as he’s not wanted by her as he can’t keep his pants up.
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Please move on and focus on your kids.
You also went thru a loss and needed hs moral support more than ever at that time yet he chose another woman over you and the kids.
YYou deserve a spouse that will keep your self respect and dignity intact… Not just keep u when things dont go their way with someone else
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If the shoe was on the other foot he’d have kicked you out & left you with nothing , as others have said do not be his second choice !!
11 years and we’ve been through alot. I believe the more you can over come the stronger you are. Giving up and walking away isnt always the answer it’s the easy way out everyone would rather take then to put in effort and be forgiving…
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Rather leave than to put***
I believe once a cheater will always cheat again…How do u love someone an jump into bed with 1 or 2 or 3people?..I say they have no respect for there self or others and need help!..just my opinion!
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You know what you should do. You don’t need us to tell you.
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He has admitted he still loves her sounds like he doesn’t want to be alone I wouldn’t waste your time play second best to someone else’s find someone that will put you first
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Any man that chooses another woman before his wife and kids deserves nothing more than getting his time with the kids. However if you choose to stay with him is showing him that he can have his cake and eat it to. You have to put your big girl panties on and don’t give in so easily “if you want him still” make him work for it and I mean hard if he can’t do that then he’s not worth it. He’s showing a change now because he wants you to see him changing but get him to do more than the little things he’s doing now. And always remember your worth don’t stay for the kids because in the end you’ll both be miserable and that’s not healthy for children.
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Yeah no thanks. His dick has been elsewhere so get rid of him!
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If you had to make him choose between you and her, make him pick her. Cause if he loved you, there wouldn’t have been a 2nd women in the first place x
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He wants another chance because it didn’t work out with her. You are his second option. If you give in and stay it will only be until he feels depressed and lonely again and finds someone else to confide and find comfort in
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There’s always something missing when the person cheats. Not that it means there is anything you could do differently.
I’ve been in a relationship where we couldnt stay away from eachother but I always ended up not entirely happy because he was one of those he ahd me so he quit with effort and I would move on because i knew it was ending again. We would end up always cheating on each other. I have no regrets on cheating on someone who cheats though my morals prefer ending it first and i always tell the other person before it happens that it is going that direction.
I’ve been in relationships where even though the other was faithful I was tired of something with them I had expressed was a deal breaker but they wouldn’t let me go.
I have been in relationships where I never would have cheated. Im in one of those now. He has zero to worry about because he is loyal. Not just with not cheating. Its a hard trait to find these days and I lobe him for it even though he drives me up the ever loving wall and our sex life is absolute shit.
I dont believe once a cheat always for the reason of myself. You guys went through a lot and it sounds like he has a lot to work on. You should not be just a second best though. You deserve more than that.
I don’t understand how someone can look anyone in the eyes and say they will never do something they already did
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He will do it again…I’m sry I know it sucks but better for u to realize it now and move on b4 he hurts u even more
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Me and mine have been together for 18 years back during our 3 and 4 Year together he cheated alot we were both in our 20s one day I just said this is it were going to grow up and make this work or end it today so many years down the road and I know he has not and would never cheat on me now I trust him with all my heart and we now have a 16 yo and a 17 months old so in my opinion people can change
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Yes they are. Then when they get caught they sing: take me back won’t ya, I’ll change my ways. Yeah right.
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I feel like if you want to try then you guys really need to work through everything but this affair may just be grief and needing an escape he now wants you and your family and if you want that too I think maybe with help and work you can get past it and he can be better
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I think he turned to her because of his lose. If she decided to come back he would leave you. I’d kick him out
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I do not think once a cheater always a cheater. I do not think cheating is ever justified or right, however it definitely happens and sometimes there might be “reasons” even though it doesnt make it right. A lot of times in the past people have been able to fix their relationships after an affair through therapy, a lot of communication, building of trust and forgiveness. In this case although I dont know the whole story, I dont see the reason. As many have said, if he would not have been dumped he would have left you. Also him continuing to say that he still loves her is a big red flag. Question is if she came back would he leave? That just doesn’t seem fair to you.
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Obviously there’s no one rule for everyone across the board, and anyone saying that’s how humans work is an idiot, and you shouldn’t listen to them. Not one person here can tell you if he will remain faithful or cheat again. Not one person anywhere can tell you that with total certainty. In fact, I’d bet he can’t either.
The facts are that…
- Most marriages don’t survive the loss of a child. Not all, just most.
- It is possible to love more than one person. It is not, however, possible to act on that love and remain faithful to one.
- It is not a good idea to suffer a trauma and not see a therapist about it at some point. When you don’t, there are almost always consequences.
- No one else can make this decision for you.
My advice is to have him seek therapy for no less than 6 months. If he follows through… give it maybe 3 months, or at least until he declares that he is getting on well with his therapist and feels he is learning a lot about himself and his trauma (sometimes it takes visiting several different therapists before you click with one), then you should both start marriage counseling. That gives you time to decide how you feel about staying with a man that you may not trust completely for a long time, and how you can both navigate that without driving the other away. Cheating doesn’t always mean divorce, and staying together after that doesn’t always mean a happy marriage or future cheating or even that you won’t meet someone else and make your own mistakes. The future cannot be guaranteed for anyone of us. Marriage is choosing your partner over all else -everyday- for the rest of your life. Some days you fail. Some days you fail hard and you can’t recover. No one can say. It’s a choice you need to make until you decide you’re done making that choice. If he follows through, maybe you decide to keep choosing him. If not, maybe you move on. Set some reasonable expectations, and then make him earn your choice each day (if you decide you want to try again). You can also discuss it with your therapist. If you want to choose him today, but definely not tomorrow… or you try it and manage some days, but it turns out it’s not enough days… then you should probably walk away for everyone’s sanity. Your children’s feelings are tied to that daily choice, so tread lightly because you tread on their hearts. You should both think very carefully. And either way, you need couples counseling to survive the choices you both make. No ifs, ands, or buts about that.
Good luck.
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Are you ok being second choice? Sounds like to me he didn’t get her so he wants you back. Peace out boy you can do better
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That’s so heartbreaking for you but you need to leave him.
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Yes don’t be his second choice… I wouldn’t go back if my bf did that to me 
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Therapy for yourself so you can figure out what you want
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I don’t think once a cheater always a cheater, BUT you were second pick because she dumped him. He couldn’t be bothered with the kids when he had his little gf, but now that he’s gone he can help??? Kick his ass out!
People do what they are allowed to do. You let him continue to live with you and have a girlfriend. He was going to leave you for another woman. You made all this convenient. You really think he is t going to do this again when he gets bored? I would say yes… he will do this again.
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I would hate being a second choice. And one can’t love two people and be faithful. Instead of talking to another woman about his problems, he should’ve been talking to his wife.
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Dont be his second choice and fall back plan! Let him parent your kids but kick him to the curb
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Hy husband is once a cheater always a cheater…I’m in divorce court
What if she hadn’t dumped him??? Why is he making advances to you, when he is with someone else. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.!! Don’t be his 2nd choice or plaything. Your worth more than that. Xx
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They can change. But it has to be their choice and their decision to.
The best indicator of that is their actions after. This needs to be a deep conversation between the two of you. One where you set boundaries and consequences should this ever happen again. And be prepared to follow through. You need to know that he’s all in. Not one foot in, one foot out until something else comes along. The fact that you’re here asking this question tells me you’re scared and worried he will do this again. If you’re going to do this, you need to redevelop the trust that’s been broken. And, YOU, my dear, need to make it clear that you won’t ever again be a side piece to whatever or whoever else he fancies, because you need and someone who commits to you, who wants you and only you. This should NEVER happen again, and you need to make it clear that if it does, you’re absolutely done.
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Very true. You could never trust him again and why would you want to be his second choice? Leave: find someone who cares about your and loves you. You don’t cheat on someone you love.
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So let me get this straight. 8 years ago y’all lost a child. Last year (ish) he cheated because he’s depressed? He still loves her (and would probably be with her if she’d have him). You’re asking us if he’d still cheat? In this case, yes. All she has to do is say, “I miss you” and that would be it. He’d likely be gone. I would definitely have him see a therapist. This issue isn’t just about the loss of a child after this long.
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To answer your question no. But if I were you I would not take him back. He’s only back with you because his gf dumped him. He says he loves you but his actions speak much louder than his words
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My husband cheated when we first got together and I was dumb and forgave him. I then found out 6 years later he was doing it again.
DONT do what I did. Don’t waste 6 more years of your life because you have kids together.
I’m so glad I left. It was an extremely painful healing process,
But within 2 years I started dating a very close friend of mine and remarried to LITERALLY the perfect guy and life is amazing. It was a “I just knew this was it.”
Leave. Heal. Life can change so much.
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Your his second choice know your worth & throw his arse out !!
Nope! Sounds like ur the second option because he can’t have the other girl. I wouldn’t be with anyone who still claims there in love with another girl nope I would kick him out and that would be it!
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Nope!!! If he treated your family like an option, give him the choice of leaving with dignity or getting thrown the f*** out.
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Yup. Caught my husband on dating sites 2020 after our thrid. Pregnant with our forth and caught him buying tokens for tagged.
No…if the want is truly there it can be done. Its hard, but can be done. But one never forgets…22 years and going strong.
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Asking everyone’s opinions is going to get you perspectives from other people’s vantage points, according to what they’ve been through.
Be true to YOU. What are YOUR values? Do you have enough shared intimate life experiences to start again from scratch with him & do you both share a desire to start over? If it’s only you that wants a do-over then keep him at arm’s length. He needs to want it to work as much as you do. Best wishes to you in your relationship & your family x
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He needs some therapy to deal with the loss.
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Is your self esteem that low? There is NOTHING ok with what he has done and is doing. You’re making it so easy for him to be his fall back choice. Maybe you need to go to therapy again but for yourself.
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My fear for you is that you are comfortable and convenient for him. While he was with you, he had her and was moving in with her, she left now wants to stay with you. Has he really dealt with his emotions over the loss? Is he too afraid to go out and be on his own? He strayed for a reason, what is behind that reason? Until that is dealt with, then I would say there is a good possibility that it will happen again at some point. Prayers to you all. Follow your heart and intuition. You have all the answers inside you🙏
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He needs to go!! He will find someone else. He disrespected you big time!
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Sounds like he only changed because the other woman dumped him. Don’t be anyone’s second choice!
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Umm he still cheated, chose another woman over you and your children, and was in love with her and still is. I know how hard it is being in a 10+ year long relationship. But take time for you. Make sure its what you want and not him just trying to make it what he wants. WHAT DO YOU WANT?! Its important you jump in with both feet on which ever decisions you make and not be on the fence or back and forth because you’ll regret it. Marriage is tough but you have power in this situation. Take a couple days at a hotel or friends house i know easier said then done with children but this is so important to find out what you want.
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You deserve better. Know your worth girl! 
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Girl he doesn’t love you. You were his second choice and now he’s accepting that.
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So what happens when SHE changes her mind and wants him back?? I can tell you what will happen, and you know the answer to that question as well.
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Since the trust has been destroyed, it wouldn’t matter if he did or didn’t, because you will always wonder.
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Sounds like your the second option yes I believe people can change even cheaters but not everyone There is a difference between loving someone and being in love
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Your second choice he would be gone depressed or not, he will use you until he finds someone else.
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He’s not going to change. It will always be in the back of your head. I was with my soon to be ex husband for 15yrs. He cheated multiple times and I gave him chance after chance. He always made more money and I had the shitty pay we have 2 boys. He finally cheated for the last time
I moved out with the boys and we are doing just fine. It’s a struggle but I am doing it after being told I would never make it on my own with 2 kids.
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He’s was a cheater … and now he’s a cheater that has been dumped by his mistress. He’s continued to sleep with you throughout this whole mess regardless of zero other effort or responsibility. You’ve basically given him permission to do what he likes. Of course he’ll cheat again, if he hasn’t already. You deserve more. Recognise your worth and be done with him x
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Screw him, put him on the road. He has no respect for you. Adios
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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Yes. My husband also cheated with a coworker and plans to move in with her. He also ignores our child bc girlfriend is jealous of time he spends with his child.
I Absolutely believe that, especially with the same partner. especially with the same partner.
Losss, anger, depression are not free paases to cheat or be nasty to people.
Your a second choice. She dumped him. Yes he will cheat again
He’s never going to be faithful. You deserve to be treated so much better, and so do your kids. He never loved any of you if he was planning on leaving you for someone else, so give him the boot. He can go find his happiness without making you miserable.
He needs to get his feelings and emotions in check and heal a lot of shit inside of him. Or else he will continue to look for love and validation anywhere even if you do it for him. Because he will need constant reassurance outside of himself and outside of you. Sometimes we want to be the one chosen but do we really?!
You may love him and want your marriage to work. But does he really?!
Once he is real with himself y’all can be real with each other.
But a lot of healing needs to take place individually for your own sake!! Then y’all could move forward together or separate paths.
If you stay with him, you will always be loyal to a man that would replace you with someone else he likes better.
Leave him and find your own happiness in life. Let go of what isn’t real love anymore.
You are dumb if u let him back in
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Leave him ; let someone who will love you come around
He was willing to brake your family for her’now he is using you and your children to make himself feel better of their brake up,You deserve better
People can change, you’re the one who needs to decide.
I cheated, I don’t anymore.
Stop coming to facebook to decide your life decisions
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And you trying to fix him while his breaking yours